Awake My Soul
by msj2779
Summary: Bella is Telekinetic and she has spent the first twenty five years of her life sheltered as a means to control her gift.  When she meets Edward-for a second time-he awakens a part of her that she never knew existed. A/H Rated M for Lemons and Language.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is my first attempt at writing fanfic. I'm not an expert in anything so don't get all technical on me. Be gentle. I'm like a scared animal.**

Prologue 

My name is Bella Swan and I am a freak. I'm not the sort of freak who walks around in the rain in their underwear, talking to an imaginary friend named Ernie. I don't walk around in a trench coat flashing my privates. I've never even caught myself talking to inanimate objects. I'm a natural freak. Born on a rainy day in September in the small town of Forks, Washington, I possessed my freakishness at birth. It wasn't a choice but a gift, I've been told. A gift that I should cherish because it means I'm different from all the normal freaks. It makes sense to start at the beginning.

Where was I? Oh yeah…rainy day…blah blah blah…September…blah blah blah…cherish. My mother had wanted a girl. She was ecstatic. My father wanted a boy but I can tell from the pictures that it hadn't really mattered. He'd make me wade through mud and hook a worm whether I had a wiener or not. I was six pounds and ten ounces of pink chubby rolls.

Everything went according to plan, as far as 'What to Expect When You're Expecting' was concerned, after arriving home from the hospital with me. I ate. I made poop. I slept. Then one day out of the blue, I got angry. The cause for the anger isn't significant to the story; the repercussions of my tantrum is the important part. The minute the angry little wail left my mouth, all hell broke loose. Glass broke. Things flew. Renee screamed and took me away from the big bad ghosts that had suddenly inhabited the Swan home. However the ghosts followed her and became much more violent, as her precious pink chubby baby became even angrier.

Looking back, if they ever do, I'm sure my parents would laugh about those days. The horrified looks on their faces as they watched a crack glide fluidly down the full length mirror in their bedroom. The way Charlie cringed when the red throw pillow from the couch hit him across the face, as he took cover. The possibilities that circled in their minds as to what was causing the strange occurrences that continued to happen as I got less chubby and less pink, were limited. The unexplained phenomenon that chased Renee to Phoenix with myself in tow.

When objects in the rental home, smack dab in the desert, seemed to become alive as I screamed for Tapioca pudding, Renee took a long hard look at the pink chubby girl sitting in front of her. I was nine months old.

Luckily, for Renee, I was a happy baby. Nothing visible happened when a toothy grin was spread across my puffy cheeks, but everyone felt the lightness in the air even if they didn't realize it. I was easily satisfied. I was convinced that an angry frown wasn't a good look for me, unless I needed something and then I grew to know that I got it very quickly.

Afraid for her sanity, Renee kept me quiet. When I reached school age, she was thrilled to send me away each day. I didn't understand that her shaky fingers or the deep blue bags under her eyes were because of me. I wasn't aware. I had no clue.

Then I turned eight and I met Gabriel Denicola. Gabriel Denicola was a bastard for a nine year old. He flipped over lunch trays, he pulled large amounts of underwear up and into butt cracks, and caused many noses to bleed. His freckles and red hair abstracted his pale face and blue eyes, turning him into a facsimile of Satan, himself. I despised this boy, just from watching him torment and taunt my fellow classmates. But until he sneered and focused his beady little eyes on my best friend, Kazi Gildarey, I hadn't realized that it was possible to feel hatred.

We were seated in the cafeteria, and Kazi was talking about her ninth birthday party. The only friend she had was me, as she was mine. While discussing which one was scarier, Freddy or Jason, a shadow fell upon us like Doomsday. He called Kazi a "toilet seat licker" and made slurping sounds to prove his point. To make a long story short, the janitor that night got overtime. Underneath the table, I stomped my foot and it caused a still sort of earth quake. Food flew through the air like an edible ballet, covering everyone (including Kazi and I). Trays hit walls. A plastic fork twirled through the air, and caught Gabriel Denicola square in the right eyeball.

When I realized that I had something to do with the catastrophe in the school cafeteria, I went straight to my Mom. She was half-clad in her purple fuzzy nightgown and shih-Tzu house slippers when I shuffled up to her later that day. It was her daily attire, and it was starting to smell along with becoming meddled with tiny cigarette burns. She sucked on her cigarette, and the end of it burned like fire. I focused on the red end of it and imagined it vanishing. I tried desperately to put it out with my mind. I even stomped my foot as I glared at the end of the white stick so firmly attached between my mother's lips. Eventually, she noticed me staring at her.

"What?" Her voice was full of a hopelessness that I had yet to imagine. It took much later on to realize that I was the cause of her lack of inspiration and chain smoking.

"Mom, I was wondering if I was normal?" My voice sounded squeaky and weak but I knew she heard me. She stopped mid-chug from the familiar bottle, and glared at me. That whiskey bottle was the Robin to her Batman. Her eyes became more round than I had seen in a long time and she sat up a little on her recliner.

"What happened?" she groaned. Though out the years her voice had went from sweet and strong to hoarse and grumbling. At only thirty-one, she appears so old in my mind as I think back on her.

I stuttered, trying to come up with the words. She would think I was crazy. "I got really mad today at someone and…" I trailed off.

Her eyes grew even bigger. "What happened?" The cigarette in between her lips was bouncing, making smoke float to the ceiling in a disheveled swirl.

"Things…things happened."

She stared at me for a few beats but didn't ask me to elaborate. I'm glad she didn't because I didn't know how to say the rest without being committed.

Six months later, she disappeared. I haven't seen her since. Her case is sitting cold in the Phoenix Police Department.

I was sent to live with my Dad, Charlie, in Forks. It was more than the usual awkwardness of first periods and "bullet with your name on it" speeches for first dates. The fact was that there _were_ no first dates. I became quick friends with Alice, who was in a similar situation as I was. Her Father and Mother were divorced, and he was living in California somewhere. She saw him once a month, and it tore her apart on the inside but put on a tough façade on the outside. I felt guilty because I loved her more than my own parents.

As I grew older and more hormonal, my gift grew as well. I started to easily predict when it would happen but I had no sense of control. Alice became aware, and wasn't completely freaked out. We tried practice sessions, where I would try to break a glass with pure concentration but it never worked.

As I grew older, my Dad's shifts became longer. We were two people sharing a house. Room mates who barely spoke. It wasn't all his fault, even though in my mind at the time, he was to blame. I didn't try any harder than he did. We were both counting the days until I graduated so that eight months out of the year, I wouldn't be his problem anymore.

So, I graduated and continued my education at UW in Seattle. I was able to use meditation, and breathing techniques to ward off unexpected attacks. People cutting me off in traffic. Stepping in dog crap. Tripping over my own feet. I controlled my mind into thinking that these things didn't matter. I had to make my brain believe that cleaning Schnauzer poop out of the cracks of my shoes was a happy thing. I'd smile but feel the tension in my muscles, begging to be released. As I focused on school, and controlling my emotions I became an introvert. I went from dorm to class room to library to dorm every day. Not much could happen if I stuck to the same route, and the same routine.

In between Lamaze breathing and finding a happy place, I was dragged out of my dorm room by a tiny little hand that belonged to Alice Brandon. It was rare, but I did occupy the corner of a Frat party every now and then. I would always leave early, feigning a headache or period cramps. Alice would just roll her eyes, and continue to mingle. Then I had a bad experience with a Frat boy and I was no longer dragged to the parties.

Life changed when Alice met Jasper.

After meeting Jazz, Alice became more preoccupied with doing other things. These other things I had to hear about often made me secretly jealous that I was too much of a freak to have someone of my own to do them with. I became obsessed with different hobbies, most of them of the senior citizen variety. I knitted. I made pottery. I bought a tiny little keyboard at the thrift store that I tried to teach myself to play. If it was possible, I became even more of a outsider.

Then my junior year, I was playing tic-tac-toe with myself when a gust of air hit me from the table on my right. I glanced over and there sat Rosalie Hale, Bond girl. She eyed me speculatively and I went back to my x's and o's, getting secretly bummed that I could never beat myself. A spit ball flew my way and hit me on my cheek, followed by some snickering males. I flicked it off and took some deep breaths, imagining the whales that I saw when Alice and I went out on a boat in the Pacific one day the previous summer. They glided through the water, seemingly light as a feather; graceful and unbothered by the demands of the world. The fact that people were scum because they littered the beautiful oceans with garbage, nor the trouble of the Ozone Layer did not pass through their tiny little brains. I wanted to be a whale.

"Men are total shits." Her tone was matter-of-fact, and I couldn't ever imagine arguing with her.

I grunted in agreement and looked at her carefully.

"Testosterone kills brain cells," I replied.

She returned a grunt. That's how I became friends with Rosalie Hale. I found out later that she had been sent by Jasper to look out for me. There was a big argument about it. There were screams and pointing fingers and hugs. All the good ingredients of a fight with friends.

I majored in Elementary Education and received my teaching certificate. There's no way teeny tiny little kids could piss me off, right? Sure. Right.

There are times when I eye a trench coat and imagine being the kind of freak that had a choice. Making that decision for myself to wander around wearing only that. But there's no sense in humoring that course of thought because I didn't have that luxury. It's been years that I have labeled myself; not only freak but a Psychokinetic Weirdo.


	2. Chapter 2  Here I go, again

**A/N: Once again, I'm no expert. Thank you very much for taking the time to read AMS. I will try to update once a week but possibly sooner at first. I'd like to stay at least three chapters ahead. Thanks, again!**

**Song Chapter: : "Jar of Hearts" by Christina Perri**

"Alice!" I yelled for what seemed like the fifteenth time. My demand was met with silence. "Alice!" Nothing. "ALICE!"

This time my shrieks were answered but not by the right individual. I could feel the pounding through the floor, as Old Mr. Pritchard put his broomstick to a good use. If the man with hearing aids the size of tuna cans could hear me, then certainly my little wicked friend could.

"Sale at Bloomingdales! Tonight! Midnight! Half off everything!" I yelled a descent bit quieter than I had been a few seconds ago. I tried to sound impressed about the lie, excited even but it came out strained. Never the less, after a few beats, she popped around the corner and leaned against my doorframe with her arms crossed over her chest.

Alice was tiny. Barely five foot. Her frame was boyish but cute, and her hair black and wispy. Her little upturned nose and big blue eyes made her look like a little baby when she slept. I often told her this to piss her off. She had always had body issues; struggled with Anorexia throughout all of high school and finally getting help from a therapist our freshman year of college. It had been a good form of payback for me, in a way. I wasn't happy that she had this disease but it made me feel useful to help _her_ for once. She had been doing better for years but there were still periods where I had to keep an eye on her. Watching for the signs was part of my job as sister duty. I urged her to tell Jasper about her past but she told me it was unnecessary. She kept my secret and I kept hers. I considered her my only family, and I loved her dearly.

"Don't be stupid, Bella," she said with an eyebrow raised then she mumbled something unintelligible about "unreasonable discounts".

I smiled broadly at her in response.

"What is it that you really have to tell me?" she asked. Her other eyebrow joined the raised one in an expectant stance. She said it like we hadn't had this discussion a hundred times in the past month.

I pressed my lips together for a moment, and then tried my best to look pained.

She shook her head at me. "No. If you change your mind AGAIN, I will kill you. I will wrap my hands around your indecisive little throat and squeeze."

"I just don't think this is a good idea. What if I break something? I could get really pissed and break Rosalie's fancy China that has been in her family for generations." My eyes were wide as I imagined white China smashing against walls because Emmett told me my ass had gotten too big or Rose pokes fun at my knitting hobby.

Alice let out a tiny little sigh. "Bella, you have this under control. When was the last time you broke something?"

I thought back. When had it been? "When I got my license renewed at the DMV." The girl at the counter popped her gum in my face and laughed at my picture. In response, my brain tossed a pen in her direction catching her just between the eyes. As funny as it had been, I hadn't meant to do it. She spent ten minutes scoping out the room, trying to figure out who had it out for her. "Stupid little witch."

"You're better, Bella. Remember when you hit that pothole back in high school and you got a flat tire? You made a damn tree fall down! That would never happen now. You have to live a little."

I sat on my bed and pulled my knees up to my chest. I rocked back and forth to seem a little unhinged. Who wants to travel with a crazy person?

"You are so dramatic!" She threw her hands up in the air and blew out a sigh. "Here's the deal, Bella. No more begging. I'm all out of begging, here. I'm leaving tomorrow morning whether you are going or not: 6am. Be in the kitchen or…well, I'll see you in August." She shot me a sad pathetic smile. Damn her sad pouting lips. She looked at me like I kicked her in the stomach. "I hope you come though."

She turned to leave and I followed after her, stopping at my door frame. I watched her walk back into her room but her door remained open.

"I'll be fine! Really!" No response. "I can read that new Nora Roberts book you got me for Christmas last year! I'll…I can work on my guitar…learn that Kings of Leon song you like so much!" I said it with a smile on my face but it made no difference. Shit.

I slumped back into my room, picked a pile of clothes and flopped down onto it like a fish. After lying back, I closed my eyes and thought about myself on a beach in Miami, schmoozing up the sun and sipping Margaritas.

Rose and her boyfriend, Emmett, had bought a house on Miami Beach. A couple of months ago, Rose invited us to stay the summer. I agreed with every intention of making last minute excuses to get out of it but the only excuses I could come up with were lame. Something was wrong. I was the Queen of excuses and avoidance. I had done it my whole life. Perhaps, subconsciously, I was tired of avoiding and ready to join the human race.

After all, it would be my close friends there with me. I knew Emmett a little from college and Rose's phone conversations-he had a tendency to yell things at me through the receiver as I talked to her. I would be safe and I could relax in a place where the sun was out everyday. The beach would lull me to sleep at night and my skin would go from a pale white to a nice golden pink.

"What are you smiling about?"

My eyes snapped open and a scruffy face leaned over me, golden hair falling over his cheeks and blue eyes that danced like they constantly listened to Jazz.

"Jasper."

He smiled and pushed his chin length hair behind his ears. "Bella." He looked around my room and the lack of visible carpet. "All packed?"

I shrugged the best I could while laying on my back. "No."

"What's that?" He asked, pointing to a large pile in the corner by my dresser.

"Dirty."

He made a slightly disgusted face and then pointed to a smaller pile. "What about that one?"

"Those make my ass look two bowling balls shoved into spandex." I sneered at the pile and briefly imagined pouring kerosene over them and lighting them ablaze all the while laughing maniacally.

"That's not always a bad thing." He lifted his hands in the air and squeezed an air hinny while waggling his eyebrows. I kicked him in the shin and grunted the word "disgusting".

"That little pile by your night stand? What's wrong with that one?"

I glanced at the pile and sighed. "Nothing. That's the ready to pack pile."

He studied the pile and pressed his lips together for a few beats. "Seven pairs of socks and one…no, two bras?"

"It's hot in Florida. That should cover it, right?"

His grin lit up the room. "You…" he pointed his index finger at me, "are going to put a smile on…" Then he snapped his eyes shut and his smile vanished.

I made a face at him. "I'm going to put a smile on who's face?"

His eyes opened and danced a jig of panic. "Uh…everyone! The entire population of Miami will be smiling at your…er…wardrobe of socks and bras!"

I opened my mouth to say something but Jasper's tiny girlfriend hopped in the room. "Socks and bras? What are you talking about?"

Jasper jumped. "Alice!" He let out a crazy laugh that sounded a little like a seal. "Alice! Have you seen Bella?"

Alice looked between the two of us with confusion on her face. "Yes, I live with Bella," she said it in the same tone she used with Old Mr. Pritchard; slow and with loads of enunciation.

"HA! Yes. You do. Let's go make love." He tried tugging her from the room by the elbow and she was too lost in her own sea of perplexed bewilderment to argue.

"Wait! Alice!" I yelled, bouncing off the bed.

She turned around, expecting more excuses.

"No, Alice," Jasper stage whispered, "Remember? Making love?"

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Jasper, what is going on? Who's face am I going to put a smile on?"

Alice cut her eyes to Jasper and her hand twitched in an effort to hold back a slap, I assume. "Jasper!" she hissed. "What did you say?"

He made an "oopsie!" face and retreated to her room.

Alice looked at me carefully. "What did he say?"

"He told me that I was going to put a smile on someone's face and then he got completely weird."

"I'm drunk! Very Incoherent! I probably won't even remember this conversation!" he shouted from Alice's room.

She rolled her eyes and dragged me back into my bedroom. We plopped down on my bed, face to face: The serious girl talk stance.

"I was going to…surprise you with this but I guess I have to tell you since the moron in there let the cat out of the bag." She paused, looking around my room. Probably wondering which decoration would fly through the air first. I could tell by the tone of her voice that this surprise wasn't necessarily good. "There's going to be six people staying at the beach house."

My mouth dropped open. "Six?"

She started wringing her hands together. "Yes, Emmett asked one of his very good friends to come down and stay the summer."

"This doesn't make sense, Alice. Why would I be upset about…wait, who is it? Please don't tell me…he didn't invite Mike Newton." My stomach became queasy at the thought and I could feel tension building in my muscles.

Alice let out a breath and laughed nervously and a little too loud. "God, No! Crap, Bella, I'm not that horrible!"

I laughed with her even though nothing was really funny.

"So, who is it? Why is it such a big deal?"

"It's Edward Masen."

My eyes popped out of my head. "Edward?" Masen?"

She nodded quickly and cringed.

"What? When were you going to tell me? When we got there?"

She didn't need to answer me because I knew the answer was "yes".

I rocked back and forth on the bed, this time for real.

"Bella, just listen, people change. Emmett and Jasper wouldn't be friends with him if he was such a horrible person. You've barely even spoken to the guy and when you did, that was years ago." She could feel me pulling away and I closed my eyes tightly.

"Just go, Alice. I'm tired."

"Really, Bella! Just…come for yourself. You won't even have to talk to him!"

My eyes popped open.

"I'll be living in the same house with him for almost three months, Alice!"

My guitar became alive at that moment and crashed into the wall by my pile of dirty clothes.

I did some Lamaze for a few minutes as Alice studied a corner of my bedspread.

"I'm sorry, Bella."

"Ouch, Al. That's all I can say is Ouch."

A tear fell down her cheek. "I just…I need you there with me, Bella. I…" she trailed off.

"I would have blown up the house, you know," I said with a small smile.

She looked up at me, hopefulness splayed across her features.

"No, you wouldn't have. Maybe the car, though."

"Would Edward have been in that car?"

Three hours later, I lay in my bed listening to the first five seconds of every song on my I-pod. Nothing seemed to help me relax enough to forget about the possibilities of the next three months. Dixie Chicks were too full of twang, The Black Keys were too bluesy and Kenny Rogers gambled too much. Yes, Kenny Rogers-don't judge.

Two words, one name, kept coming to mind. Edward Masen. I had last seen him my sophomore year at UW. He was a self proclaimed pretty boy who had a chip on his shoulder the size of Mt. Everest. Girls worshiped him but he never gave anyone the time of day. He had beautiful hair and beautiful eyes and a beautiful ass. He was the type who you hoped ended up bald and forty pounds overweight at your high school reunion. Being in the same Fraternity as Emmett and Jasper, I had run into him a couple of times and engaged in a sort of awkward "hi" and "bye" kind of conversation. Face to face, he never said anything offensive to me but I always caught him looking at me as if he knew something I didn't know. Smirking something mischievous behind my back: I found out later exactly what it was that he knew. Another secret that Alice protects for me.

Being in the same house with him for almost three months would be a challenge. I would surely break some good china and maybe even blow up a rental car. Perhaps, it would teach him right for me to go all "Carrie" on his ass.

But what if Alice was right. People change.

Alice. Sweet Alice. She had been doing well but Miami was close to LA in the category for "I may not have been born with it but my body is perfect". What if she relapses and I'm not there to help her through it? I would never forgive myself for being thousands of miles away because I couldn't face my fears.

I finally settled on some Bare Naked Ladies as I closed my eyes and forced my mind to think of nothing but the insides of my eyelids. My alarm would be going off in only a few short hours. I was all packed and ready for a summer in Miami.

**A/N: Please review! I'd love to know what you're thinking :)**


	3. Chapter 3  Mr NASCAR

**A/N: Thanks for reading! I forgot some important stuff in the first couple chapters. Rookie mistake.**

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer**

Some people would be on edge to be on an airplane with a person like myself. A little turbulence and WHAM! There go the oxygen masks. A spilled drink and WHOOPS! There goes the engine. Alice certainly wasn't nervous. The girl obviously had a lot more faith in me than I did. I had stuffed my ear buds into my ear canals the moment the Captain made a bad joke about being immune to Vodka.

A puddle of drool accumulated on my shoulder in a string-like fashion sent straight from the mouth of my ninety pound best friend. Jasper was taking a flight later in the week due to work restrictions. He owned his own club, called _New Moon_, so he would be going back and forth throughout the summer to check on the status. Jazz was the most laid back person I had ever met, so it was easy for him to trust someone to run things while he was away. However, he didn't take the responsibilities of running a new business lightly.

I felt the plane start its descent and the muffled voice of the co-pilot echoed off the polyester seats and metal of the aircraft. People started shuffling around in their seats, anxious to extract the stiffness from their limbs and fill their lungs with the fresh hot air of Florida.

Alice snorted as I jiggled my shoulder.

"What…was I…huh," she muttered and wiped excess drool off her chin with her forearm. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, swallowing and looking at me with disgust as if something on my shoulder had crept into her mouth and died, mid-flight.

"The plane crashed. You're in heaven," I told her. "Congrats."

"Damn," she sighed. "I was really looking forward to getting a tan."

"God could probably give you a tan in a second. He'd just have to snap his fingers and BAM! Perfect tan. Heaven has its perks." I pulled the ear buds out of my ears and wrapped the cord around my I-pod. "You think God has fingers?"

She cut her eyes to me. "What?" She had only been half listening but that was half the fun.

"You know, to snap and give a tan. Probably, God doesn't have to snap. Probably, He just says something commanding like 'Perfect Tan! It shall be done!' and everyone in heaven is blessed with a good tan." I nodded as I felt like I had figured out one of life's little secrets.

Alice glared at me. "You really needed this trip, ya know." It wasn't a question nor was it an opinion. It was a definite fact that I did, indeed, know.

We shuffled off the plane and pushed our way to the baggage claim. I had two large bags and smaller one. Alice had at least six. I abandoned her to hail us a cab for the drive over to Rose and Emmett's house. They had offered to pick us up but in true Alice fashion, she told them she wanted the Miami Taxi Cab experience. See, Alice was a writer: An undiscovered and talented Author who has been writing novellas since her freshman year of high school. Sure, her first one was ridiculously lame and filled with hormonal teenage angst but it had definite promise. The summer in Miami would be a sort of Memoirs for Alice, and would hopefully turn into her first published novel. She loved telling stories from experience so that was her plan for her new book, _Alice does Miami_.

Twenty minutes later, we were piled into a Taxi that smelled like a mixture of onions and body odor. The driver could only speak Spanish so giving him the address was a bit of a challenge. Finally, Alice handed him the folded piece of paper with their house number written on it and he nodded, smiled and pressed the pedal to the metal…literally.

We weaved in and out of traffic, narrowly missing a woman walking her dog and a palm tree. I grabbed Alice's hand and clutched on for dear life, as I squeezed my eyes shut hoping against all hell that I wouldn't blow a tire with my mind out of fright. In situations like these, it's incredibly frustrating not to be able to control my special "gift". I could pull the wacko driver's foot off the gas with a flick of my finger or I could disconnect the battery with some deep concentration. But, of course, I couldn't which made my "gift" a useless piece of shit.

When the vehicle finally came to a screeching halt, we were so thankful to be alive that we started giggling hysterically in the back seat. Reluctantly, I let go of Alice's hand and I vomited myself from the vehicle as if it were on fire. I looked back and Alice was still in crazy giggle mode, sitting in the back seat staring straight ahead as if Jerry Seinfeld was making cracks about cab drivers right in front of her.

"Bella!" Rose's voice always had a commanding and fierce ring to it. She could shout out Gobble-De-Gook and everyone would drop and give her twenty. However, Rose's voice in person when you haven't seen her in a while was absolutely harmonious.

She was running at me from the porch of the gigantic home that we had pulled in front of. Now that the shock of still being amongst the living was wearing off, I could actually look at the place I would be living. Everything was white. The wrap around porch that disappeared from view toward the rear of the house, the awning, the front door, and sidewalk were all sparkling white. Perhaps, I had died. Maybe it was the end for us all. This was too pretty to be real. Palm trees surrounded the driveway, as did a variety of different colored flowers that would never grow in Seattle.

"Bella!" She yelled again as she collapsed against me, pulling me into a tight hug. I returned her hug with fervor; I had missed her. "I'm so glad you decided to come!"

"Me too," I said, pulling back to look at her. "You look amazing, Rosalie." It wasn't a complete lie. She did look amazing but she had lost weight and exhaustion overwhelmed her features. Maybe her new job at the Health Complex had stressed her out but something told me it was more complicated than "rookie jitters".

"You too, Bella," she ducked down and peered in at Alice who had stopped giggling. Her hand was fixed on the door handle but her movement had ceased. "What's up with her?"

"Oh," I waved a hand at Alice, "nothing. We almost died but we didn't-A little something for her book."

Rose's glare went from Alice to the driver. He was picking at his fingernails, while the meter continued to dash higher and higher. "Hey! You gonna help with the bags or what?" Her tone made me jump, and I involuntarily twitched to help with the bags.

Miraculously, the driver had learned English in just the quick drive from the airport to the house. He hopped out of the car, and pulled the trunk open. The movement of Mr. NASCAR seemed to spark Alice out of her near-death-experience revelry, and she leaped out of the car as if it had just come to a stop.

"Rose!"

The girls hugged as the last of our bags were removed from the trunk. I paid the driver, and Rose waved off the luggage stating that Emmett would get his fat ass out here and carry it in. I took pity on Emmett and grabbed my cosmetics case, stating possible melted lipstick, so he would have one less thing to carry in.

"Emmett! They're here!" Rose yelled as we walked in the front door.

The house was even more remarkable on the inside. Dark hardwood floors, and light blue walls matched perfectly with the beige furniture in the living room. A staircase went straight up to a hall way and then continued to another floor. Three floors. Unfamiliar paintings covered the walls, and I cringed at the assortment of breakable things that were scattered on top of tables and inside curio cabinets.

"It's amazing, Rose," I muttered.

She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. "Thanks. We love it."

"Oh, Rose! The view is amazing!" We followed Alice's voice to the rear of the house and I grunted in agreement. "Are we really staying here or is this some sort of prank because if it's a prank…someone will die."

Rose laughed. "No, it's our house, Alice. I'm glad you like it because both your asses are going to be cleaning it as part of your rent."

We must have looked pretty stupid when Emmett walked into the room. Our jaw dropped, watching waves crash into the sand, and sink back down into the vastness of the ocean. Give and take; push and pull.

"Three hot chicks, all to myself!" Emmett's loud voice thundered. The only way to describe Emmett is "huge". I always imagined him picking Rosalie up, Caveman style, and hauling her off to their bedroom. However, being in the same room with Emmett was like a lift to your spirits. There was always a smile on his face, and his boyish looks made him easily approachable. His dark wavy hair, dark brown eyes and dimpled cheeks complimented Rosalie's blonde hair, blue eyes and aggressive posture.

We hugged Emmett and Rosalie sent him off to bring in our bags. I offered to help, but Rose waved me off, telling me he enjoyed manual labor.

An hour later we were sitting on the back of the house, with the exception of Emmett. He had to make a meat run, whatever that was. Alice and I stared at the pool and hot tub whose existence Rose had failed to mention. Our faces were slack and a little drool was escaping. The pool was in a quaint little oval shape, and dipped down to eight feet.

We settle down on lounge chairs and pulled sunglasses over our eyes. In spite of the tension of being outside my comfort zone, and the difficult decision to force myself on an airplane, I was happy that I was sitting here. The sound of the ocean was equal to music, playing over and over again in my mind but oddly never seeming repetitive. God's music was not angels playing harps; this was God's music.

"So, when does Edward get here?" In one single sentence, Alice took the calm out of my body and replaced it with invisible tension.

"Oh, I don't know. Emmett said he was driving so probably sometime tomorrow," she answered nonchalantly.

"Hmm," Alice hummed but I knew it wasn't the end of her questions. "I haven't seen him in so long. What does he do for a living?"

I could hear Rose shift in her seat but I kept my eyes tightly shut behind my sunglasses.

"He's nothing right now. He's been trying to finish his internship at some law firm but…" she trailed off, seemingly choosing her words wisely, "he's busy."

"I bet he's still got that wild hair. Do you know if he's bringing anyone? Like a girlfriend or…something?" Alice didn't realize what she sounded like. Her focus was on asking questions, trying to get good information out of Rosalie so the shock of being in his presence would be lessened for me. To Rose, it sounded like Alice thought about Edward…a lot.

"He's coming alone." Her answer was short and her tone had changed. Alice was oblivious, probably trying to read my mind. What would Bella ask if she wasn't a socially awkward retard?

"Hmm," Alice hummed again, "Is he excited about coming down?"

I peeked at Rose and she was glaring at Alice. If her sunglasses were off, I would be willing to bet that Alice would burst into flames.

"He's Emmett's friend, Alice. It's not like I chat with him on the phone for hours at a time. Ask him yourself," Rose spat. Rose was not the type to sugar coat things nor did she hide her feelings.

"Jesus, Rose, you don't have to be so defensive about it," Alice spat back. Rose brought out the best in all of us.

"What are you so interested in Edward for? You thought he was a douche at UW and now you're asking about his excitement levels? Are you going to ask how he takes his coffee next? Or how about his favorite beer?" Rose had propped her sunglasses on top of her head, giving her fiery eyes a stab at Alice's face. She narrowed them suspiciously and I snapped my open eye shut with the fear of losing it.

"N-nothing, Rose. I was just asking." Alice's answer was filled with one too many stutters. She started to panic and Rose could smell it. "I-I was trying…I would…wanted to know a little…"

I peeked again and Alice was looking between me and Rose with worried eyes. Aww, crap! Rosalie sat up straighter in her chair.

"Jasper is my brother, Alice. If you…"

Alice cut her off with the loudest most insane guffaw that I had ever heard, sounding much like an injured duck. "You…you think that…that's insane, Rose."

Rosalie started to sneer a little.

"Rose, she was asking for my sake," I mumbled, "Alice only has eyes for Jasper."

Alice visibly slumped in her chair, relieved that I had spoken on her behalf. Rose put her sunglasses back down but kept her eyes on me.

"Huh. That's…interesting," Rose grinned like the Cheshire Cat. "I'll have to see about that."

I shook my head. "No, Rose. That's not what…"

She cut me off. "It will be my goal for the summer. Whether it is with Edward or not, we're going to get Bella some action."

Crap. She thought I wanted something more from Edward besides a physical injury. I had many fantasies about Edward at UW, especially after his involvement in Newton's little hoax on me. Some of my Edward fantasies involved ropes and a cement block, and others were old school where I would pull his underwear so far up his crack that his voice would go up a few pitches. The best fantasy is where I learn serious Ninja skills and slap him silly with just my pinky.

I hadn't been close enough to Rose at the time to involve her and after I knew her, it became an embarrassment. How could I have fell for it? Hindsight is always fifty-fifty, as Alice tells me. I wasn't sure if Emmett or Jasper knew about the ordeal but if they did, they never mentioned it.

"Rosalie, please, kiss my ass. I don't need…"

It was Alice's turn to cut me off. "Yes! We'll call it 'Operation Bella Gets Some'!" Her enthusiasm was excruciating.

"Et Tu, Brute?" I said, with raised brows. Alice knew what could happen…what did happen the one time I had 'gotten some', and it wasn't pretty. Let's just say that I had to pay to replace the bed in my dorm room as well as the window pane afterwards. Operation B.G.S., as delightful as it sounded, would not be possible. When people have some really good sex, they feel like the earth has moved. Well, in my case-that might just happen. I wasn't planning on being celibate the rest of my life but I needed to learn more control before I take the step to…lose control. I was a walking contradiction.

Alice had the decency to try to look apologetic but I could see the excitement affecting her body. Her knees shook and her hands tapped on her thighs, like a kid at Christmas.

"Original name, too. That college education really paid off," I grumbled.

"You've got some bitterness in you, Bella. Probably sexual frustration," Rose grinned.

"Who's got sexual frustration?" Emmet's booming voice made all of us jump, except Rosalie who was immune.

Alice sighed, "Bella."

"Bella?" He plopped down across from us and smiled at me. His teeth were like tiny little spotlights, shining on the poor sexless girl. "I'm gonna hook you up, baby girl."

Great.

That night, I went to bed early. I had the smell of chlorine in my hair and barbeque smoke on my clothes so I hopped in the shower. When I was done, I got out and looked in the mirror at myself. How much had a changed in the past few years? Mentally, I was almost a different person. I didn't clamp my eyes shut and hope for the best when unsuspecting emotions ripped through me. Confidence had always been an issue for me, and I felt better about my control. I was always aware of my brain and how it reacted to certain stimuli. By keeping myself out of certain situations, I avoided accidents. There was always a feeling in the pit of my stomach, like when you have to make a speech in front of a hundred people and you're nervous about stumbling. It was always present, so I had grown used to it being there. At one point, when I was younger and trying to learn to breathe through my feelings, the bundle of nerves had grown so painfully blatant that I would cry for days. It was like living with chronic pain that you willed upon yourself. It was there because I was trying to cope and not crumble.

Physically, I thought I looked the same. My brown hair was shorter than it had been since I was a little girl, falling to just below my shoulders. My skin pale and clear, but pink from the day's sun, my lips were full and my nose barely freckled. The dark lashes surrounding my brown eyes had always been my favorite feature. My eyes spoke volumes of pain and triumph, sadness and laughter. Like I said; I was a walking contradiction.

I dried off and slipped on a robe that had been placed on the back of my bathroom door. It was like staying at the Trump hotel. Briefly, I wanted to walk around the room with a glass of wine and speak to myself in a French accent. _Yikes. I spend way too much time alone. _

The French accent didn't go over so well with myself but the wine had sounded tempting. It would help me sleep, and hopefully keep dreams away. I slipped out of the bedroom, keeping the robe wrapped tightly around me and headed down the stairs toward the kitchen. The light above the stove was lit, making the kitchen dim and sort of homey. It seemed that everyone had retired to their beds. Just then, I heard a manly growl from up above and grimaced. Emmett and Rosalie had gone to bed but they certainly weren't sleeping. _Eew_.

I pulled a bottle of open wine from the cabinet and popped the cork off. After pouring a glass, I sat at a stool and propped my elbows up on the island. In that moment, I desperately missed Alice's company and I almost drug her out of bed to sit with me so we could talk about Edward's impeding arrival.

The realization that I was going to be living in the same house as him for almost three months had still not hit me. There was no telling what glass my brain would want to crack or what expensive décor it would feel like smashing against walls. I told myself, worst case scenario, something smashes or breaks. Alice wouldn't rat me out; we'd blame it on the ghosts.

I took a long gulp of red wine and enjoyed the warm sensation as it dribbled down my throat and into my belly. I put the empty glass back on the counter and stared at it, wondering if I could control things better if I were sauced.

"It's not going to refill itself, you know."

I yelped, jumped and it was all downhill from there. There was glass everywhere; in my hair, on the stove and on the top of the shoes enclosing Edward Masen's feet that stood stock still in the doorway to the kitchen.

"Son of a bitch!" I screeched, "You scared the shit out of me!"

His mouth was open and his eyes were searching the room, finding shards of glass everywhere he looked.

"What the hell was that?" he mumbled.

I wasn't sure which aspect of the moment was more shocking for my brain, Edward or the glass.

"I jumped when you scared me and it flew out of my hand," I stated, "Don't you knock?"

His eyes finally found mine and the difference a few years make was astounding in that instant. He looked tired. No, exhausted. The green in his eyes was surrounded by red, and his face pale and gaunt. He looked ill. The famous wild reddish-brown hair was cut shorter but there was still no rhyme or reason to it. I wondered briefly if he would even remember anything about what happened in college. Probably, not. I grew sad thinking that my pain was probably so insignificant to his life that it wasn't even worth storing in the memory file to his brain.

"You weren't even holding it," he said, "It…it just exploded."

A bottle of Budweiser was being squeezed by his long fingers.

"You're drunk," I mumbled.

He glanced at the bottle in his hand like he just realized he was drinking.

"Maybe," he said but the look on his face was anything but convinced.

We both shifted uncomfortably, as we looked at anything but each other.

"You probably don't remember me but I'm…"

"Bella," his voice was weak and soft. His eyes met mine and I swear I could see regret there, maybe even a little pain. "I remember you. I'm Edward."

I nodded once. "I know."

"We've never really been properly introduced, though." He walked over and held his hand out for me to shake. "It's nice to finally meet you."

I wasn't sure if it was his way of apologizing or if he was mocking me. His gesture seemed sincere enough but I had been made a fool of once before. This should be played very carefully. My hand took his and something happened. Something different. Something…amazing. The familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach that told me that my emotions were being controlled vanished. For an instant, I felt…normal. It was like Pinocchio finally being turned into a real boy who could cry and love and live. When he pulled his hand out of my grasp, the squeezing feeling returned and I almost whimpered at it's return. What. The. Hell.

This man in front of me, I had to remember, was one that I wanted to physically torture for years. I wanted to see him in pain; I wanted to know that he hurt just like everyone else. This man had just comforted me with a touch of his skin without even meaning to. I momentarily wondered if he was dead, visiting me from beyond the grave to give me just a moment's peace.

"Uh…you're…uh…coming undone a bit," he said, and turned his back on me.

"No kidding," I said.

His shoulders shook a little. "You're…robe. It's…" he trailed off.

I looked down and I was a millimeter away from nipple exposure. Did I mention that I'm a freak?

"Thanks," I mumbled, my face getting hot and probably bright red. I pulled the robe tightly across my chest, and tightened it around my waist. Realization hit me that I was completely naked underneath. "I should get this cleaned up."

He spun around on his heel. "Wait! Your feet, allow me."

I sat and watched him, search closet after closet until he produced a broom and dustpan. He started sweeping and I felt guilty for just watching him until I remembered who he was.

"So, do you come here often?" he asked. The expression on his face remained blank as he continued cleaning up the broken glass.

I forced a smile, "Do you hit on so many women that you don't even realize when you are doing it?"

"What makes you think that I don't know that I'm doing it?" Then the smirk was back, the one he always gave me in college that said in a very childlike manner, "I know something you don't know". Everything from the past rushed back to me and the feeling of his skin on my skin, palm to palm, was forgotten. That one sided smirk immediately sent my body into panic mode. That smirk made me angry. Where was Alice when you needed her?

Edward had swept most of the glass into one pile, and thankfully it was no where near the doorway. I hopped off the stool; my bare feet hit the cold tile and shivered.

"I have to go to bed," I said not looking at him as I walked by.

I heard the broom cease its movement. "Okay. Good night," he called out but I didn't answer him. I leapt up the stairs and closed my door behind me, locking everything out.

**A/N: Please please please review! Thanks for taking the time!**


	4. Chapter 4  Free

**A/N: Thanks for reading! **

**I didn't put it in the last chapter but I hope it was clear that Edward did not walk into the house with a beer. He had arrived earlier while Bella was upstairs and walked into the kitchen and scared her. I didn't want anyone to think he was drinking and driving because that's NOT cool. Alice has her body issues that she has recovered from but it is still a struggle for her in certain situations. **

**Chapter song: And So It Goes by Billy Joel**

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns the characters.**

I woke up the next morning with a new outlook and some serious bed head. Half of it was flat and the other half looked like it had been drinking heavily. I shrugged at my mirror self because the ocean could take care of that.

My new outlook was simple. All I'd have to do is avoid Edward and if I had to talk to him, be civil. Avoidance was my specialty, and I've had to be nice to people I don't like for years. It should be simple.

A soft knock on my door roused me out of my pep talk, and then the door handle jiggled. I opened the door and Alice was beaming on the other side.

"Hey!" she squealed. I stared at her. "It's our first full day in Miami!" I yawned and continued to stare. "I went for a run on the beach and it's amazing! People are so beautiful here." Uh Oh.

"They're all fake, Alice. Remember that. Fake tans. Fake boobs. Fake smiles." It was way too early to try and be supportive. She kept staring at me with an expectant smile on her face. "Okay, let me get dressed," I shooed her out with my hand.

I pulled on my black halter top tankini and covered it with a yellow sundress that hit me just above the knees. Black flip flops completed my look, and my hair made the whole ensemble a little trailer trashy. I flicked my hair off in the mirror.

"Well! Look who's finally up!" Emmett yelled as I walked into the kitchen. He had on a pair of jean cut offs and nothing else. Edward and Rose were sitting on the sides of him and Alice leaned against the counter, sipping coffee. Edward was focused on his Fruit Loops but everyone else smiled cheekily at me.

"This is going to be harder than I thought," Rose sighed, looking at my hair. Operation B.G.S. had not been forgotten overnight.

I rolled my eyes at her and filled a bowl with Fruit Loops.

"Told you I could make it happen. If anyone can, it's me," Emmett grumbled.

Alice coughed on some coffee and Rose cut her eyes to Emmett, and narrowed them. This is ridiculous.

"You think you could do it quicker than me?" Rose asked Emmett.

He laughed at her. Emmett may not be the sharpest nail in the toolbox but the man had some balls. "Absolutely."

"You guys are…there are no words for you. Disgusting," I told them, shoving a spoonful of cereal into my mouth. Milk slurped down my chin as everyone but Edward looked at me with raised eyebrows. "Whut?"

"We only have two months," Alice mumbled. She had a crazy look in her eyes that was sort of animalistic. Predator stalking prey.

"She's right, Em. If we're going to do this, we're going to have to do it together."

They shook hands. They actually shook hands.

"What are you guys talking about?" Edward finally spoke.

Emmett was learning some of his girlfriend's tricks because his smile grew evil. "You'll find out…sooner rather than later."

Edward grunted as his phone that was sitting on the counter started vibrating violently. "Shit," he hissed, "Excuse me." He grabbed it up, and walked into the other room. Rose and Emmett shot each other a look.

After a few beats Emmett yelled out enthusiastically, "Who wants to hit the beach?"

Everyone let out of whoops of agreement and I pointed to my cereal. They hit the door running and let me with my Fruit Loops and a seemingly angry Edward yelling to someone on the other end of his cell phone. I couldn't make out his words but he was growling. He stomped back into the kitchen just as I was rinsing out my bowl, cursing under his breath. Edward the dragon. His face softened when he saw me standing at the sink watching him.

"Sorry," he muttered and I shrugged.

I bounced out of the house, eager to leave him alone. Emmett was running around in the ocean like a little kid as I flopped down on a towel in between Alice and Rose. Alice handed me some sun block and I lathered it on the best I could, knowing that I would be in pain later if I didn't. I wished I had the kind of skin that had a relationship with the sun resulting in a nice golden color but I didn't. I burned.

We talked about the house and their adventures in buying it. They bought it at a great deal in an auction, and Rose admitted spending most of their savings on it. Emmett was anxious in finding a job since his injury left him unable to play football any longer. He was determined to provide for Rose. Her family was old money in California and they weren't the kindest people. I often wondered how Rose and Jazz ended up so grounded since their parents were the exact opposite. From what I understood, they had been raised mostly by Nannies so perhaps the women who raised them taught them how to treat people.

"Whoa! Check those shorts out!" Alice exclaimed. Edward had walked out of the house, focused on his feet. He had on a white t-shirt and the only way to describe his swim trunks was "flowery". Pink and yellow with a hint of manly black.

"Ha! Emmett had those on hand and since Edward didn't have any…" Rose trailed off.

We all burst out laughing as Edward walked by.

"What?" he asked, stopping and throwing his towel down. He looked down at himself and we laughed harder.

"Your shorts…they're…pretty," I laughed.

He narrowed his eyes at me and grinned. "Personally," he said, running his hands up his thighs in a dainty fashion, "I think they're fabulous!"

I couldn't control myself, I laughed harder. Possibly, I almost peed myself. Thankfully, I was still laughing when he took his shirt off because otherwise I would have become a slack jawed idiot. He was lean but muscular in all the right places. Biceps bulged and his back muscles flexed as he stomped down to the beach to meet up with Emmett.

"They are going to look so gay together," I said still giggling, "frolicking through the waves."

Edward splashed Emmett and he chased off after him, yelling something undecipherable.

"It's like a damn Hallmark commercial," Rose grinned.

After a few minutes of watching the guys and laughing, Rose turned to me. "So, Bella, besides getting your cooch some action, what else do you want to do in Miami?"

I huffed, "First of all, I have not mentioned anything about getting my cooch any action. Secondly, I don't think my cooch is any of your concern." Rose pressed her lips together. "As far as what I would like to do, I'd like to hang out with my good friends and relax."

"Then what?"

"What do you mean, 'then what'?"

"Well, there's some awesome clubs in Miami and a bar we go to that has karaoke on Thursday nights. There are tons of things to do here." She was testing the waters with her suggestions, knowing the recluse I was in college. I _had_ changed but not that much. I had no desire to go to a Club or bar, but I'd take a chance and visit a coffee shop. Too many opportunities for things to go wrong. Grabby hands, lots of booze, and my glorious "gift" are a bad combination.

"I'm just…you know me, Rose. I don't care for that kind of thing," I told her.

"Promise me that you'll give it a shot?"

I sighed. What the hell. Making empty promises was nothing new to me. "Promise."

Edward and Emmett had gotten out of the water and were hitting volleyball back and forth over a net. They each had put sunglasses on and would have looked perfect in a commercial for sun block or possibly an exclusive homosexual resort.

The beach was getting more populated as the morning turned into afternoon, and the sun was getting hotter. A group of guys had taken up residency behind the volleyball net, and I could see them watching Edward and Emmett. They seemed to be poking fun at them, probably Edward's shorts. Something sprung up in me. I suddenly became sort of…angry? Was I protective of Edward? No, it was the teacher in me, reprimanding the bully. _It isn't nice to make fun of anyone, says Ms. Swan_.

The water was warm and wonderful, just as calming as listening to it. The waves moved me weightlessly back and forth as I floated on my back. Just like the whales. I had invited the girls to come into the water with me but Rose had no interest. Alice was afraid she'd get bitten by a shark, and muttered something about sticking to the pool as I walked away from them.

"Hey, beautiful," a voice said from behind me. I flipped over and one of the guys from the beach was bobbing up and down close to me. Too close to me. I inched away from him. He was tan and muscular, but had a glint of something I couldn't place in his eyes, controlled and primal. "You look peaceful out here."

"I was," I said, not meaning to sound rude but it came out that way. "I mean, it is peaceful out here."

His smile grew. His teeth looked sharp. "I'm Jacob. I live a little ways down the beach." He pointed down the coast in the direction of his supposed house. "I haven't seen you around here before. I'd remember you." He waggled his eyebrows at me.

I was caught somewhere between a snort and an eye roll. Instead, I said, "Huh."

"You are?"

I tried to grin but it felt forced. Probably, I looked like I was in pain.

"Bella."

"You live around here?"

"Nope."

"Huh," he echoed me, his grin still in place. "You're awful mysterious, Bella."

"You're a little annoying, Jacob."

"Ouch, baby," he grimaced, and put his hand on his heart. "That hurt."

I didn't like that he had just called me "baby". I didn't like his rapacious grin. I certainly didn't like that him and his friends liked to laugh at other people.

"Do you know those two guys over there?" I asked, pointing at Emmett and Edward. I was baiting him.

He turned and looked, and his smile changed. "I know one of them…well; I've seen one of them around. The big one. Heard he's some loser that tried to play football but couldn't cut it." I narrowed my eyes at him. "Me? I'm Quarterback at Miami University. They say I'll get picked second or third in the draft."

After he winked at me, I'd had enough.

"First of all, I don't even know what that means. Second, big mother fucking whoop. Obviously, you don't have to have brains to get out on a field and throw a ball around because you would have seen me sitting with the 'big loser's' girlfriend ten minutes ago," I seethed. It all came out in one breath and I was pleased to see that no one's towel flew away, the volleyball net was still in place and everyone was watching me from the sand. We were too far out for our words to carry but not our voices. Edward was halfway to us and closing in. Shit.

Jake's smile had been replaced with a sneer, and I started doing the breast stroke toward the shore.

"You're a lucky bitch that I don't drown you out here," his voice said from behind me. I have to admit, it was a little disturbing. I'd stuck up for my friend and he countered with death threats. "You're not even that hot! It was all a bet to get in your pants!"

That hit way too close to home. I gasped and swallowed some water, losing my footing on the slimy rocks that my toes were desperately trying to find leverage in. The water was nose high and I was starting to panic.

"Bella! Are you okay?" Edward's voice brought up so many emotions in me that in that moment, I pleaded for unconsciousness. Anger, thankfulness, sadness…I wondered if it was possible to cry and drown simultaneously.

Edward reached me and I felt his arms go around my waist, his fingers passing on my bare skin beneath my top. There it was again. His touch was like magic, taking my anxiety away and replacing it with…nothing. I wanted to freeze time and feel like that forever. Is this how normal people feel? Is this how Emmett and Rosalie and Alice feel? No wonder they complain about their nails and parking spots that are too far out if this is how they feel all the time. There was no squeezing in the pit of my stomach. There was no jumpiness to my nerves. For those moments, I wasn't worried about breaking something or throwing things without touching them. I was free.

"Bella! Hey! Look at me!" That's when I realized I had my eyes closed, reveling in the feel of skin on skin.

I opened my eyes and looked at him. "How?" I asked.

His brows pulled together. "How what?"

I shook my head, unable to explain.

Then it came back to me. Jacob. I turned around, swiftly, looking for the brown form of the asshole that put me in this position. Maybe I should thank him.

"He swam back," he said, clenching his jaw.

I grimaced at the memory of his words.

"What did he say? We heard you yelling at him and…what did he say?" His eyes were fiery…Edward the dragon.

I could choose this moment to throw it in his face. Tell him off, just like I had Jacob. Use Jacob's words to punish Edward. "Nothing," I told him.

Edward slackened his hold on my waist and I grabbed onto his arm. Not yet. Please. Not yet. I need more. He took that as a sign that I needed help getting to shore and started pulling me, fighting with the tide. Couldn't we just stay?

Emmett and Jacob were having words when we walked back to our blankets. I wrapped my arms around my torso, suddenly feeling vulnerable. His hand let go of mine and I faced the repercussions. It came flooding back to me like someone snapped their fingers, and the world spun around on itself. Now that I had gone a few minutes without the anxiety, it hit me like a truck. I was a blind man getting a glimpse of a naked woman.

"You okay? What happened?" Alice's voice made me want to sob until I had no tears left. "Bella? Tell me."

"I need…I need to go in," I shivered even though the sun was blazing.

I glanced back and things looked bad between the guys and Jacob's gang. Jacob had three friends that were pretty good size against Edward and Emmett. If I were normal, I'd go down there. Tell them to stop. Tell them I wasn't worth it. But I was anything but normal so we ended up on my bed, with my head in Alice's lap. I cried and cried until snot covered Alice's towel and then I cried some more. At some point, Rose clamored in and sat down next to me, rubbing my back.

The confusing part was that I wasn't convinced that Jacob's words were causing all my tears. Sure, the things Jacob had said were disturbing and the near-drowning was a big traumatizing. However, every time I broke out into a new sob, the only thing I could think of was the feeling that overcame me when Edward touched my skin. I sobbed harder when I closed my eyes, and what happened when he let go. I felt sad and empty. Is this how I normally feel or is it worse now that I know what it's like without it? God must hate me.

Finally, I calmed down enough to tell them what happened.

"He threatened to drown you?" Rose seethed. "That little bastard."

"That's not the worst of it, Rose," Alice said, keeping her eyes on me. "You should tell her, Bells."

"What? Tell me what? What else did he do?" Rose was off the bed, in a defensive stance that would make Emmett proud. Her hands were balled into fists and I swear she was flexing.

I couldn't help but smile at her. "I love you, Rosalie."

She relaxed and sat back down next to me. Her blue eyes spoke to me. "Tell me," they said.

And I did.

**What did you think? Next chapter we find out what happened to Bella in college. Jacob will not be a main character in AMS, but he will make a few more appearances reprising his role as the a-hole. Hopefully, I'll post the next chapter sometime in the next couple days. Thanks again! Please review!**


	5. Chapter 5 Oh no, He didn't!

**A/N-Okay, so here is what happened to Bella at college. There is a flashback at the beginning because I really wanted to show the feelings Bella went through when this happened to her. Just FYI- As guilty as Mike is, Bella did make this decision to take this step. Just warning, there is sexual content in this chapter and Edward is not in it but it's short and not sweet. So push through it like I know you can! I rewrote this really quick at last minute so hopefully it makes sense :)))**

**Disclaimer: SM owns it all. **

**Song Chapter: Paolo Nutini-Pencil Full Of Lead (Hell yeah, Paolo!)**

_**Five years ago at UW…**_

He was running late. Again. It didn't bother me the first couple of months but now it was turning disrespectful. I checked my watch, even though I had just looked at it and blew out an aggravated sigh.

"I don't think he's coming." Jessica's voice was normally like nails on a chalkboard, however when she was stating the obvious, it was a sharp train whistle. She was currently laying on her bed, curling a lock of blond hair around her finger and staring hopelessly at the wall.

"He'll be here," I grumbled.

"Do you think you'll be coming back here, tonight?" she asked, trying to sound sweet which meant she wanted something. Jessica was my room mate and the reason I couldn't even relax in my own room. She was callous and messy and incredibly narcissistic. It was nothing to catch her walking from the bathroom in her underwear acting shocked to run into anything with a penis. She'd throw her hands over her body, attempting to play coy and shy at the same time as throwing him a wink. "I _really_ want to get fucked tonight and…honestly, you being here might put a damper on that."

I stared at her, unable to formulate a response.

"I mean, who wants the mute girl, like, sitting in the corner of the room while you're trying to enjoy sellatio," she laughed, sounding a little too much like Cruella De Ville.

"It's fellatio, you moron."

Her jaw dropped. "I think I know a little more than you do about dicks, Bella. I mean, have you ever, like, seen one? I, like, don't think so."

I sighed, feeling too exhausted to argue with her.

"I will be home at 9pm," I told her with a raised eyebrow.

She huffed, "Figures. If you ever screw Mike like a normal girl would do, then maybe you'll learn to, like, appreciate stuff."

I rolled my eyes. "Like, whatever," I mocked as three soft taps came from our door.

"Go. Have fun being a freak," Jessica grumbled, pulling out a Cosmo magazine out of her night table. I don't even want to know what she does with that when no one is here.

"Hey! Belly!" Mike whistled when I opened the door. "You look…great!" Jessica grumbled something from behind me and I showed her my middle finger when we turned to walk out.

I had been dating Mike Newton for almost three months and things seemed to be going in an uphill direction. I was proud of myself for saying "yes" that first time he asked, instead of running back to my dorm room. It was surprising for him to ask and surprising for me to accept. Mike was in a fraternity so I had met him at one of the few parties that Alice had dragged me to. He was blond and boyish, a little chubby around the belly but I found his tiny spare tire a little endearing. He had an odd obsession with Superman and drove around in a nice red Porsche. I couldn't care less but he talked quite a bit about his Porsche so I put that bit of information into his personality file located in the rear of my brain.

"Sorry that I was late," he said, grabbing my hand and tugging me toward said Porsche.

"It's fine," I tried to sound irritated but either I didn't or he didn't feel up to acknowledging it. "What do you want to do?"

He waggled his eyebrows at me. "You know what I want to do."

"Yes, I do but I'm hungry. Let's go eat."

"God, Bella, all you ever want to do is go out to eat. Can't we just stay in and mess around a little? Watch a movie or something?"

"Yeah, that's fine. Let's go to your place," I told him, crossing my arms over my chest.

He stood staring at me, his eyes darting around feverously looking for an escape route. I still had yet to meet his friends.

"That's what I thought. Let's go get some pizza."

After the pizza, we saw some action movie starring lots of blood and some naked woman. When we left the theater, he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and smiled at me as we walked to the car.

"You think Jessica is in your room?"

"You have a one track mind, Mike."

His mouth dropped open. "A one track mind? We've been dating for three months and I haven't even seen a titty! One titty! That's all I ask!" An older couple walked by us and the lady pursed her lips at me. _What? I didn't say it! _

Perhaps Mike had a point. He had yet to see a titty or do anything else that involved a hand down my pants or even getting my socks off. To be honest, I was terrified. I knew it would hurt but having never experienced the pain of it, I wasn't sure how my brain would react. What if I actually threw his entire body off of me, as my "gift" deemed it necessary to protect me? I wanted this, there was no question. I wanted some semblance of normalcy, anything to make me feel like I'm just some girl having a relationship with some guy. I could do this. Mike wasn't the worst guy to show a titty to, I mean, he was cute, smart, and most of the time he seemed to actually care about me. I didn't love him but maybe someday I could.

"Okay," I said after he had shut his door.

He cooed at the black leather steering wheel, apologizing for making her wait in the cold. I rolled my eyes at him. "What?"

"It's just a machine, Mike."

His jaw dropped and he rubbed the leather affectionately. "Just a…"he turned to the dash board, "She didn't mean it, baby. Some people get really sexually frustrated and they take it out on more beautiful things. She's just…jealous."

"So, your car is more beautiful than your girlfriend?" I asked.

He put his finger over his lips and whispered a calm "Shhhh."

"Did you not hear me? I said, 'okay'."

He started the car and I think I saw his dick twitch in his pants when the red piece of machinery that he loved so dearly purred underneath of him. "Okay for what?"

"Okay. I'll show you some titty."

His eyes popped out a little and his smirk grew into something that was more than a little sleazy. "When? Where? There's a party at the frat house tonight so…"

I sighed, "Just go to my room."

Mike turned a ten minute drive into a six minute drive. He pulled me by the hand, smacking and pinching my ass every few feet on the way back to the room. There was no wasted time; as soon as the door was shut, he was yanking my clothes off me. I didn't fight it. I figured I owed it to him, for all these months of putting up with my strange behavior and freaky persona. Before I knew it, we were laying in bed with just a pair of tidy whities separating our genitals.

He reached down and rubbed between my legs, and that when I realized he had squirted lube into his hand.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Oh, baby, I can't stop now. I need this." He emphasized the word "need" as if he could really convince me that his balls may fall off if he didn't get it.

"I…Mike, I don't know if…"

"Bella, just stop thinking for once and let things…let things roll."

I was at a fork in the road. Here was this man, laying on top of me, who had been so patient and I was this girl, who would never be normal. This was my chance to do something that almost every normal girl was doing across every college campus in the world. I had to hear story after story from Jessica, and even Alice would recite a memory of the night before that she had with Jasper. I could do this. I wanted to do this….right?

"Mike, I've never…" I trailed off, feeling vulnerable and suddenly very naked.

"I'll take care of you, Bella."

I nodded my head and Mike squirmed out of his briefs. He lined himself up and, without warning, plunged into me like a hammer hitting a nail. I winced and grunted out of pain as my legs clamped tightly onto his sides. I heard a loud crack but Mike kept pumping in and out, like we had done this a hundred times. He mistook my noises for pleasure.

"Oh yeah, I knew you'd like it, Bella."

I turned my head and focused on the lamp beside my bed. It had hummingbirds on it, and I could see the crack across the body of it that had not been there minutes ago. I closed my eyes and prayed for him to just finish. And he did.

Ten minutes later, he was sitting on the edge of my bed and tying his shoes.

"You don't have to go, Mike. I'm sure Jessica won't be back tonight."

He gave me a sideways glance and grunted. I pulled the sheet tighter around me, feeling more exposed than ever. I could feel the dampness and sore spots between my legs and I ached to take a shower.

"Was I…was it okay?" I asked, as he stood and pulled his arms through his jacket.

Then he turned to me, pressing his lips together and giving me a victorious glare. I smiled at him as he sat down beside me on the bed. I expected sweet nothings and promises for it to be better the next time. At the least, I thought about a kiss and maybe some gratitude. Some sense that he was feeling lucky that I had offered and he had taken this special thing from me.

"You could use a tutor, Bella, however it will not be me. My work here is done." Now that was not expected.

"What?" I smiled a little, thinking that this was some cruel cherry popping joke.

"It was all a bet, Bella. The entire three months was leading me to this moment and I have to say…that was some money well earned. I mean when Masen finds out that…" he trailed off, shaking his head with a grin on his face.

"A bet? This…this whole relationship was a bet?"

He nodded and tilted his head. "You're not mad, are you? I mean, you didn't actually think that this…"he waved his hand between us, "…was actually going somewhere?" I stared at him stupidly. "Awww…that's sweet, Bella."

Tears were now spilling down my cheeks as I tried to come to terms with what he was telling me. All I wanted was one normal thing, something to help me move along in my crappy life with some sense of accomplishment. I wanted to complain to Alice about my fear of my ass getting big or wonder why I'm having trouble reaching a "Big O" in the bedroom. The things people take for granted.

"Wait until Edward finds out that…man, is he going to be shocked. I told him when he picked you that it wouldn't be easy but I'd get it done. He never thought…" He slapped his palms onto his thighs before standing up. "Well, thanks for everything, Bella."

"Seriously? Are you seriously thanking me for…for…this?" I was losing control but I did not care, at this point.

"If you want someone to blame…blame Edward."

Then he was gone. As the door slammed shut, the window frame snapped like a twig.

_**Back to the present…**_

Rose shook her head. "Edward wouldn't do that. He might have been a prick in college but he wouldn't have…"

"I was there, Rose. I think I know," I told her, a little angry that she didn't believe me. My cheeks burnt from the sun mixed with my salty tears.

"Maybe we should just…" Alice started but Rose cut her off. Alice started to fidget, anticipating possible flying objects. They really should remove the mirror from my bedroom but that's a completely different conversation.

"Did you actually hear it from Edward? He told you, himself?"

I narrowed my eyes at her and didn't answer. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Alice tried, bless her heart. "Rose, let's go downstairs and check on…"

"No. I want to know if Bella knows for certain that Edward put Newton up to that because he is living in my house," she spat at Alice. She turned back to me and her eyes were softer and her voice less harsh. "Bella, it's not that I don't believe you but I need to know the absolute truth. Newton was a dickhead and he hated Edward so…"

"They were friends," I told her, matter-of-factly.

She shook her head. "No, they weren't. Emmett had to break up a few fights between them. Physical fights. Newton had to go to the hospital one time because of them. I can't see Edward making some Frat boy bet with Newton and then bash his skull in."

What? It wasn't possible or was it? The entire three months I dated Mike, he didn't mention Edward once. I always figured it was because he didn't want to make me suspicious and blow the bet.

"Maybe…maybe they fought after this happened. You know, later…when…" I stuttered but my brain was like mush. I suddenly became so tired. I closed my eyes and it felt like sand on my cornea.

"Bella, you should sleep," Alice whispered.

I nodded and grabbed Rosalie's arm. "Don't…" I whispered.

"I won't say anything if you promise to talk to him. Soon."

I nodded and fell into blackness.

When I woke up, my bed was wet from sleeping in my swimsuit and the house was uncharacteristically quiet. The sun had just began to set, and it made my entire room light up with an orange hue.

It took me a minute to remember the conversation I had with Rose and Alice. Could it be possible that the whole bet didn't happen? If it was possible that Edward had nothing to do with it, then it would make the summer run much smoother for my brain. I still couldn't understand why Mike would make something like that up. Maybe, I was a really bad lay? He needed an out because I didn't moan enough for him?

After a quick shower, and a run through my hair with a brush I pulled on a band t-shirt and a pair of khaki shorts. Feeling strangely light, I padded down the steps and into the kitchen. The house was empty and so was my stomach. It talked to me in it's own language, cursing me for forgetting it.

I pulled ingredients out of the fridge for chicken Quesadillas, and started chopping tomatoes. The quiet house put me on edge so I popped a couple of CD's in, and turned up the volume. It was weird that they had left with out telling me or leaving a note but it didn't bother me. Being alone, I was familiar with.

The nap and girl talk had done wonders for me. The thought of an innocent Edward hadn't even crossed my mind after years of fantasy torture. I had seen him talking to Newton from a distance, and I knew they were in the same Fraternity. My mind flip flopped over and over about the situation before I said "fuck it!" to myself. I would talk to Edward about it tomorrow and it would be the end of it.

_But what if he goes home?_

If he's guilty then he deserves to go home with his tail between his legs!

_But…_

Paolo Nutini's _Pencil Full of Lead_ helped the whole thing slip my mind.

I am a woman of many talents. I've written a few short stories, I can strum a few tunes on a guitar, and I've been known to make a mean ashtray from just a pile of clay. However, when it comes to dancing, I have as much ability as an elephant. Alice is the only one who has seen me dance, and thanks to an honest friendship, she told me to never do it again unless I was positive that I was alone. Something happens to my body when I get a rare urge to move it to music. My top half has an argument with my bottom half, giving the impression that a seizure may be occurring but really, I'm just getting groovy. It's really a shame because I actually love to dance.

So when Paolo started singing about all things in his life that he had but didn't need, the urge became overwhelming to move and groove. No one was home so it would be completely harmless. I made sure to put down the knife, as my hips started shaking and my arms waved around a little. It would have been okay if it would have stopped here, but the feel of the music rushing through my body gave me an adrenaline rush. I wobbled out from behind the counter, my hips shaking and my arms doing some sort of chicken wing flap. My hair was flying around and for a moment, I thought about head banging but Paolo took my head in a completely different direction by doing some sort of side to side motion. I hurt my neck a little but in times like those, it's all about sacrifice.

My feet decided that a Harmonica solo meant that it was time to do some Rockettes meet Beckham sort of kick that made me thankful I decided to go shoeless. I ended the dance with a twist and a bit of a rump shake motion that made me think twice about not putting low fat cheese in my Quesadilla.

"That was…something," a smooth low voice said from the doorway. I jumped and something fell into the kitchen sink. Edward's head snapped in that direction, and his brow furrowed.

"Damn it! You can't do that!" I panted. My face burned with embarrassment and a little bit of frustrated anger. It was kind of ironic that the man with the magic touch kept setting off my freakiness. I sat down on the couch and put my face into my hands. Breathe in. Breathe out.

I heard movement and the couch sunk down next to me.

"Sorry, Bella. I thought…I saw you dancing and I thought you felt better," he stuttered. I was itching for him to touch me but I wanted him to leave. Explain that. Remember that whole contradiction thing?

"I can go if you…want me to. Go down to the beach until…while you eat."

I shook my head. "No, no, it's okay. I'm fine."

After calming the anxiety, I got up without looking at him and moved back into the kitchen. The Killers were on. All These Things That I Have Done.

After clearing my throat, I called into him, "Edward, are you hungry? I'm making Chicken Quesadillas!"

He coughed loudly before entering the kitchen. "Sure."

I pressed my lips together, trying to avoid a smile at his attempt to make me aware of his presence.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing."

His face grew softer and he hid his own grin.

I finished with dinner, and we decided to sit out on the porch for the view of the ocean.

He took a first bite and groaned, "This is really good, Bella."

"You must be pretty hungry."

He shook his head and swallowed. "No, this is good. Do you cook a lot?"

I shrugged one shoulder. "Not really. Alice and I kind of take turns."

He let out a grunt. The rest of the meal was eaten in silence, but it wasn't awkward. I kept staring subconsciously at his hands, wondering what he would do if I asked him to cut one off so I could glue it somewhere on my body. Would the magic still work if he wasn't attached to it? Probably, not. I decided against bringing it up.

"So…that was kind of a scary dance you did in there," he said, smirking at me. His smirk didn't bring up the passionate anger that I used to feel when he did it. Now it was curiosity.

I playfully narrowed my eyes and stuck my tongue out at him. "Those shorts you had on earlier were scary."

He threw his head back and laughed. "I'm not going to argue with that."

The mention of clothes made me look at his current outfit. Nice fitting jeans and a white t-shirt. His hair was messy and the scruff on his face was a couple of days old. The bags under his eyes had not disappeared with sleep, but the paleness had been covered up with the day's sun. For the first time, I realized that he had grown up. It had only been a few years since I had seen him last but he was no longer the boy I saw in college. Something had changed him.

After a big sigh, he got up and went into the house grabbing my plate along the way. The sounds of dishes clanging and water running came through the open window of the kitchen. I wondered briefly what had fallen into the sink when he startled me however there was nothing I could do about it. It didn't sound as if anything broke which was a good thing. A few minutes later he came back out with a beer in his hand, and offered me one. I took it even though beer reminded me of piss.

"I cleaned up the kitchen." He continued to stand next to the table, shuffling his feet and taking pulls from his beer.

"Thanks."

He cleared his throat. "You want to take a walk on the beach?"

I looked up at him and shrugged, "sure."

There was a slight breeze and the full moon made the water sparkle like a gazillion little stars had fallen from the sky.

"What happened earlier? With…those guys?" I had been dying to know how the scuffle had ended and I felt slightly guilty for causing the riff between Emmett and his neighbors.

"Uh…there were words, of course. They ended up leaving like the scared little shits that they are," Edward grumbled the last bit under his breath. "What did that guy say to you out there? You seemed pretty upset."

I answered him with silence. I wished I had waited and asked Alice or Rose what had happened.

"You don't have to tell me. I'm sorry I asked," he told me, sincerely apologetic.

I shook my head. "No, it's fine."

We took some more silent steps. The wet sand squishing between my toes felt good and it made me want to go back into the ocean.

"What brings you to Miami?" he asked.

"Uh…well, I guess just to get away. Vacation. Relaxation. What about you?"

He paused for a moment but then answered, "The same."

"What do you do for a living?" I asked.

He laughed without humor, "Well, I was trying to become a lawyer but…things happened."

"What kind of things?"

He gave me a sideways glance. "Family things."

Point taken. "What kind of lawyer?"

"Criminal."

"Oh, you wanted to be a Prosecutor?"

"Yeah. I did." His face expressed a moment of sadness but he looked at me and smiled.

"What about being a Prosecutor was attractive to you? Why not Civil or even better, Human Rights?"

He laughed again and it made the music of the ocean so much better.

"I couldn't be an ambulance chaser and you have to be passionate to be a good Human Rights lawyer."

"You seem pretty passionate," I noted.

"I am but not about Human Rights." The look he gave me made my face burn and I looked at the moon to hide my blush. "To answer your question, I wanted to go Criminal because of my Dad."

"He was a lawyer, too?"

"No," he answered. A few moments passed and I figured that was all I was going to get out of him but then he spoke, "He was killed by a drunk driver. The driver got off because of…formalities." He said the last word like it made him sick to his stomach.

I said that I was sorry because I was. Now I knew how that boy I went to UW with, had grown up so quickly. I couldn't imagine what losing a parent was like. Mine had never been "mine" exactly. There was no love lost. In fact, I didn't know where my Mom was and my Dad had no clue where I was. Lack of communication is key to being in the Swan Family.

"What about you? What's your calling?" he asked.

_To hold your hand at all times. _

"I'm a first grade teacher in Seattle."

His eyebrows shot up. "Really?"

I clicked my tongue, "Why is that so surprising?"

"I don't know. I just always thought you'd go on to be some brilliant scientist. Discover the cure for cancer or something."

I wasn't sure what to make of this statement. Sure, he was saying that I appeared to be smart in school but was being a teacher a disappointment?

"I'm kind of offended," I told him.

"Offended? Really?" He stuck his hands in his pockets, a grin playing at his mouth. "I meant it as a compliment."

"Being an elementary school teacher is not a small task."

"I agree. Children are filthy beasts," he teased.

I slapped him on the skin of his arm and my hand tingled. "They are not! I get them before the cruelness of the world has had it's chance to manipulate them. They're all so hopeful and innocent."

"Wow. You sound a little cynical."

"Not cynical. Just realistic."

We walked a few more steps, as the tide started coming in farther and farther. Our feet were abusing the smooth slick surface that the tide had fashioned.

"What has happened to you, Bella Swan?" I looked over at him and he was staring at me, his expression soft. "What has happened to make you feel so lost?"

The scary thing was is that I wished I could answer him.

**A/N-So, who thinks Edward is guilty? Raise your hands or better yet, since I can't see you, LEAVE A REVIEW! Thanks for reading, Everyone! OH yeah, and I hope the lawyer talk didn't sound completely mental because I was too lazy to do my research on type of lawyers and such. It's not important to the story but if you feel it should be corrected, PM me :)**


	6. Chapter 6 Definitely, The Hulkster

**A/N- Thanks to all who are reading my story! This is amazing therapy for me so I hope you enjoy this as much as it helps me to write it :) **

**Disclaimer: It's ALL SM's :)**

**Chapter Song: Secrets by One Republic**

"Emmett! If you touch my nipple again like that, I'm going to kick your ass!" Rose's voice came from the back patio like an intercom. "How old are you?" It was not a question but a statement.

The whole house was giddy with excitement because Jasper was flying in today. For how long, we weren't sure. The club was doing fairly well, so he had a hard time leaving it. He was basking in the glow of being an Entrepreneur and Alice was extremely proud of him. Alice had went to pick him up at the airport and we were meeting at a restaurant for dinner.

I had put on a strapless black dress and black dress sandals, put up my hair and finished the look with a little makeup.

"Whoot! Whoot! Bella! You are hot, girl!" Emmett yelled as he traveled back into the nineties for a moment and raised the roof. He had obviously been drinking and Rosalie wasn't too happy about it.

Edward watched me walk in and smiled at me as I gave Emmett the finger.

"What the hell, Bella? We have to work on…what was it again, Rosie? Operation Bella Gets Laid?" Emmett yelled loud enough so that people on the beach turned in our direction. I let out a humiliation groan and Rose threw a towel at Emmett, but she was laughing at the same time which, in my mind, canceled out the throwing of the towel.

Edward looked like a deer in headlights but he kept his mouth closed.

"I get no respect!" Emmett's train of thought went from Operation G.B.S. to Rodney Dangerfield impressions. Edward encouraged him by doing his own Rodney Dangerfield impression. They looked a little like gorillas being taught sign language.

Rose nodded her head toward the kitchen and I followed her inside. She looked stunning as always. Enough to make a plain freak like me feel like girl scout. Her long red dress had a halter that had little shells attached to it, and her nipples poked through the front advertising the lack of bra.

"Jesus, Rose. Cold?"

"What?" I pointed to one of the offending nipples. "Oh, not really. I'm always a little horny though."

I made a face at her.

"So, did you talk to him yet?" she whispered.

"No, I haven't had a chance."

"What? You had a whole day yesterday doing nothing. Why didn't you ask him yesterday?" she hissed. "You were out talking to him on the beach for hours by yourselves. I had to bribe Emmett to stay in the house and not bother you guys so you could talk. Let me tell you this, Bella, my fingers are so sore."

"Eww…really? No details, Rose."

"What? I had to play X-Box with him for like three hours."

"Oh."

"What did you think I had to do?"

I pointed to her nipples.

"Oh, well, he gets that for free."

"Good to know." Not really.

"So?"

"Okay! Okay, I'll talk to him tonight," I hissed.

After glancing at my watch, we rushed out the door with ten minutes to spare. Emmett had transformed his act into all out gorilla and had managed to squeeze another nipple. Rosalie slapped him across the face and he sobered up a little.

Rose drove and we cut a ten minute drive into six. I had flashbacks of my cab ride here, but I forgot about it when I saw Jasper. He was beaming with Alice wrapped around his waist.

I hugged Jasper and he did a double take when he saw me. "Swan, all cleaned up! Miami looks good on you, so far."

"Thanks, Jasper. You guys make it sound like all I wear is sweats all the time in Seattle," I laughed.

Alice and Jazz avoided eye contact and didn't reply.

"I don't wear sweats all the time."

Alice raised her eyebrows at me and pressed her lips together.

"Okay, I do wear them a lot but I don't wear them to work."

Jasper opened his mouth to talk but I cut him off.

"Okay! One time…one time I wore yoga pants but we were…it was pajama day," I huffed, trying to keep from laughing.

I caught Edward snickering behind me, and I turned to face him. "See what I have to put up with everyday? You wonder why I'm slightly bitter."

We were seated at a large table. I was at an end by Edward and Alice. Edward put his cell phone on the table and glared at it for a moment, as if he were daring it to ring.

Dinner went rather smoothly. I chatted with Edward and made a face at Alice when she barely touched her Salmon. Disgruntled, she took a few bites just to appease me. How did Jasper not notice this?

Talking to Edward, now that I knew of his possible innocence, was much easier. I learned that he was an only child, he lived with his Aunt and Uncle in Chicago, and he was rather gifted with the guitar.

"I've dabbled a little with the old strings," I told him in a mockingly glorified tone.

His eyebrows rose. "Really?"

"You're always so surprised about my life. What? You didn't think I'd have time in between curing Cancer and reading War and Peace?" I teased.

He laughed, shaking his head. "I'm sorry. I'll try not to seem so surprised at the next amazing thing you tell me."

I sneered at him.

"You'll have to play for me, sometime. Do you sing, too?" he asked.

"Anyone can sing, Edward." I took a sip of wine and sloshed it around in my mouth before swallowing. He studied me curiously, waiting for me to finish my thought. "However, not everyone can sing like me."

His eyebrows started to rise but he stopped them, and coughed into his fist. "I can't wait."

"Oh, Quid Pro Quo, Mr. Masen. I'll take it into consideration as soon as you play for _me_."

Truth was, I knew three songs and one of them was the theme song for The Golden Girls. I would either have to do some serious stalling or learn really quickly how to play something impressive and complicated. Also, I couldn't sing for shit.

"So, who's up for Wet Willie's?" Rose asked. An older couple at the table next door shot her a dirty look. "Jazz, you could do some fun research for New Moon."

"What's Wet Willie's?" Edward asked the million dollar question.

Emmett interrupted Rose, giving the answer. "Aww! Man, it's the most awesome bar, ever!" Jasper pulled up his middle finger and showed it to Emmett. "I mean, besides New Moon of course! Best bar in Miami, how's that?" Apparently, it was acceptable to Jasper because his finger retreated.

"Bella? Wet Willie's?" Rosalie's excited expression tore me in two. There was not one iota of me that wanted to go to this bar but how could I say no? If I said no, they'd have to drive me back and then go out. _Son of a bitch_.

I opened my mouth to answer Rose, but Edward's phone started vibrating on the table. He closed his eyes and grabbed it up, muttering an "excuse me" as he got up. I couldn't help but admire the way his worn jeans sat low on his hips or the way the sleeves of his navy blue button up were rolled up to his elbows. I need to get a grip. I was almost on board with this Operation whatever-it-is. I had to remember that Rose might be wrong about him.

"So? You wanna go?" Alice mumbled as she painfully stuck another bite of broccoli into her mouth. "Should be fun."

I made a face. "If everyone else is going, then I guess I'll go," I told her.

Edward, the dragon, was in a corner of the restaurant by the restrooms, enraged by the person on the other end of the phone. His fingers yanked at his hair and he was wearing a pattern on the floor. Every once in a while, he would take it down from his ear and glare at it as if it traveled through the phone line and weakened it's recipient.

"He looks pretty pissed," I told Alice.

She followed my gaze, "Remind me never to call him during dinner."

I nodded and we laughed.

He returned to the table, during a heated debate about who would win in a fight; Hulk Hogan or a Grizzly Bear. The phone flopped down on the table, and he looked at it, expectantly. "Someone hung up on someone," I thought in a sing song voice.

"I can't believe you are doubting Hulk Hogan, man! He's a legend!" Emmett yelled. Rosalie had given up in her efforts to quiet him down. She tapped words into her cell phone and pretended to be oblivious.

"It's a fucking bear, Em," Jasper calmly told him. Alice hung on his arm and nodded like he had just said something spectacular.

"We should go," Edward whispered to me, keeping his gaze on his phone, "The Natives are getting restless." It was true. Emmett's face was an odd shade of red and people were staring at him, especially when he did an impression of Hulk Hogan.

"Watcha gonna do when the hulkster runs wild on YOU?" His voice was like a cannon in the middle of an empty field.

A man with a smug suit on stood off in a corner, talking heatedly to our waiter. The manager, I presume, stared at Emmett with rage and disgust. I have to admit that I could hardly blame him.

"They're going to 'Wet Willie's'. Are you going?" I asked him. My tone was less than enthusiastic.

His face flashed confusion and then he shook his head, "No. You want to come home with me?"

His intentions were honorable but I flushed anyway. The phone was getting all his attention, thank God. He didn't even realize that he had just thrown out an indecent proposal. In fact, he was never the same after taking one of those damn phone calls. There had been three since we arrived six days ago, and each one was followed by an irritable dragon-like Edward. Most of the time, he'd skulk off on his own or pretend to nap in a lounge chair by the pool. I couldn't help the curiosity that was building in my brain. Edward seemed like a laid back kind of guy, and I couldn't imagine who he was talking to that could do a 180 on the guy's mood.

"Yeah, I need to talk to you, anyway."

His eyes met mine with curiosity.

We left the restaurant in the car that Alice had drove to the airport to pick Jasper up. After some nagging, begging and literally pulling my arm from the clutches of Rose, we were on our way back to the beach house.

"Can we take a walk on the beach?" I asked him. My voice was strained and the anxiety in my stomach had reached it's max. This could go one of two ways…

"Sure," he muttered, sticking his phone in his back pocket.

"Your girlfriend keeps you on a tight rope," I told him, using my thumb and finger to symbolize a phone.

He let out a bark of humorless laughter, "No, no, no, I wish that were the case."

I let out a grunt, unsure of why exactly I was a tiny bit happy about that.

I slid my hand in the crutch of his arm, and let him lead me out to the sand. I wanted badly to hold his hand just for the comfort of his magic.

This was not going to be easy, so the beach was a perfect place to have this conversation. There wasn't much my defective brain could obliterate; there was only sand and water. The worst case scenario: One of us would be impaled by a beach umbrella. I had already screwed up twice with him: The wine glass and whatever it was that fell into the sink when he had caught me doing the Moron Macarena.

"So?" he asked, avoiding eye contact.

I took a deep breath and started the dreaded conversation, "Why did you choose to go to UW? I mean, you chose a school hundreds of miles away from home."

His brows came together when he answered me, "Baseball scholarship." He cleared his throat and the muscles of his bicep grew slightly tense. Ludicrously, I wondered for a moment just how much easier my life would have been if my "gift" had been the ability to detect lies.

"Is that what you wanted to talk to me about, Bella? My choice of college?" he asked, a little venom in his voice. The phone call was still under his skin. I wondered if maybe this wasn't a good time to bring this up, but it was too late now.

I slid my hand out from the crook in his arm. "No, Edward, I wanted to ask you about Mike Newton." Breathe in. Breathe out. The knot in my stomach was becoming more tense and it was slowly growing up and into my throat. I glanced at his hands and wondered how odd it would be just to reach out and grab it. "I wanted to see if you were behind what happened."

"Mike Newton," he breathed, almost seeming relieved. His face softened and his whole stance changed. "Bella, what happened with Mike Newton?"

I ignored his question and formed my own that had been formulated years ago, "Were you friends with him? Did you guys make casual little bets amongst yourselves?" I had to concentrate on my emotions , and I briefly thanked God for our surroundings. The years of fantasizing about torturing the truth out of the very man standing in front of me was weighing on me. It ludicrously seemed that my life had come to a climax; the last chapter of a really disturbing novel.

He stopped abruptly and put his hands on my shoulders, "Bella, I don't know what you are talking about. I knew Mike Newton, yes, but I never…I was never friends with that fucking waste of space."

His fingers on my skin, oh my, his fingers on my skin. What were we talking about? Oh yeah…

"What did he do, Bella?" he said through a clenched jaw. It seemed unreasonable, now that my brain had taken leave, that either of us should be angry: Especially, Edward.

"You really don't know," I mumbled, "You really don't have a clue what he did to me."

Just please don't stop…I can tell him my tale of lost virginity and the ugly ogre if he just keeps his hands…

He removed his hands and crossed them over his chest. _Son of a bitch! _It was worse each time, when it would come back, like a brick to my guts. I came close to bending over at the waist, doubled over from the uncomfortable ache.

Just then I realized he had started strolling up the beach again and I was a couple of feet behind. I caught up with him, and wrapped my arms around my torso. There was a slight breeze and goose bumps attacked my scalp, making me feel like my head was covered with a tight wig. My next ridiculous thought was wondering if my life would be different had I been blonde. Probably, not.

"Mike Newton was a freshman when I was a junior. He came from a wealthy family whose father had just so happened to be in Pi Kappa Alpha, so he got in a little too easily. There were lots of donations to the Frat House; new beds, a big screen television, things like that. That wasn't the only reason that Newton and I didn't get along," he paused, taking a deep breath, "I'm not sure why, but from day one there was this tension between us. He was cocky and I was cocky, so…" he trailed off and I chuckled a little at his admission.

"There's no rhyme or reason to it, but we just weren't friends," he said, watching his sandals move the sand in a wispy pattern each time he picked up his feet.

"What do you remember about me? That first night, you said that you remember me from college," I asked him. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know the answer, or not. Weird, unbalanced, unfriendly, not popular, and freak are words that come to mind when describing my college existence.

He took another deep breath, probably choosing his words in a way that wouldn't be insulting. "I remember that you were quiet and very smart," he said.

I raised my eyebrows at him and smiled, "That's quite nice of you."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, other people would have described me differently. Maybe it's because she knew me well then, but Alice was always telling me what a 'freak' I was," I laughed.

Edward didn't even crack a smile, "I never thought you were a freak."

"So, why all the mysterious smirking?"

He laughed, looked a little baffled, and said, "What? I was giving you mysterious smirks?"

"Yeah, all the time," I narrowed my eyes a little, "If you didn't realize you were doing it, you probably gave half the girls on campus some sort of complex."

He laughed louder this time, "Maybe I was just being friendly."

My eyes narrowed a little more but I couldn't help but grin at him. "Maybe."

We walked a little further and turned around, heading back for the house. Edward picked up a few shells along the way and stuffed them into his pockets. I didn't ask, but instead I watched those shells with preposterous jealousy that he was touching them briefly before putting them in his pocket.

"You didn't tell me what he did?" He mumbled, as he picked up another shell, looked at it and then tossed it back onto the ground. "What did Newton do to you?"

I pressed my lips together, wondering if I should even tell him. I could go the "none of your business" route, or play it off like it wasn't important. However, it _was_ important, and it _was_ his business because his name had been maliciously brought into it.

"Did you know that I went out with him? Our Sophomore year?" I asked, my voice weak and squeaky. He was quiet until I looked at him, then he nodded once.

"Well, it…he…" I started laughing because it was all I could think of to do. How could I put this into words? I looked away, trying to control myself and blurted it out, "We dated, he took my virginity and told me that you had bet him that he couldn't."

I wasn't looking at him but I could hear his movement cease beside me. When I finally risked a glance, his eyes were wide and his hands balled up into fists.

"You believed him?" he asked me, his calm voice a shock considering his body language was close to "raging lunatic".

"What was I supposed to think, Edward? I didn't know you at all and you two seemed like good friends." Tears were making way to my eyes and a lump formed in my throat as his gaze moved from mine to his feet, looking increasingly sad. "What was I supposed to think?"

He shook his head, and we continued our stroll under the half moon. Both of us were quiet as we approached the house and went inside. I grabbed a couple glasses and some much needed wine and followed him into the living room.

"Why didn't you want to go out tonight?" I asked him.

His voice was low and lifeless, "Just…didn't feel like going."

I poured him a glass and we sat, drinking it and staring at the walls like a couple of awkward teenagers. It felt good to have this off my chest after so many years of "what if's" and so many regrets about that night in my dorm room. I only wished that Edward didn't look like a zombie had just eaten his brains.

"You okay?" I asked.

He turned to me and looked at me for the first time since we sat down, "I should be asking you that question."

I shrugged a shoulder, "It feels good to know the truth."

He let out a breath, "I just can't believe that the past five years…that you thought that I would bet on…" he stopped short at blurting out the V-word, "you."

"Well, it looks like we've both come to the same conclusion tonight."

I smiled at him and he grinned in return, uttering the exact sentiment that had been replaying in my mind for so long, "Mike Newton is a douche."

**A/N: Thanks for all the support! Next Chapter Bella FINALLY gets dragged out to a bar. Who do you think they'll run into?**


	7. Chapter 7 What are horny friends for?

**A/N: Sorry I'm a day late. My Dad is visiting and he has an odd obsession with the computer game "Plants Vs. Zombies" so he took over my computer. I hope no one is angry with me but I sort of lied in the last chapter. Bella does not visit a bar in this chapter but she will in the next one, I promise. Thanks for reading, Everyone! Hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: SM owns it all. **

**Chapter song: Howl by Florence and The Machine **

My skin was actually turning a color. Granted, it wasn't tan but a healthy pink that I never even saw while living in Phoenix as a little girl. With heaps of sun block and hours upon hours sitting or walking in the Miami sun, my skin was no longer a pasty white.

"What are you thinking about?"

I turned to Edward, who was now the only other person in the house who's lips weren't constantly stuck to someone else's. We were the single outcasts who spent their time avoiding awkward situations where body fluid might possibly get involved or already was. For example, a couple of nights ago, Rose had picked The Bodyguard to sit and watch which meant the rest of us were forced to watch it also. I tried to escape, I really did, but something was in her eyes that told me not to push my luck. "It's movie night and we're all going to watch a mother fucking movie," she said it with a smile, but like I said…her eyes were giving me the creeps.

So, it was about halfway through and Kevin was saving Whitney yet again from something stupid when I heard lips smacking resounding throughout the room. I was sitting by Edward, and I moved forward to look around him. Both girls were straddling their men, and a furious blush crept across my entire body. Tongues were in full force, hands roamed in places that I hadn't imagined Alice's hands roaming to, and Rose was sort of grinding a little. Edward made a face at me and pointed toward the back patio. I nodded enthusiastically and we made our quiet escape away from our four horny friends.

We hadn't mentioned Mike Newton again, but I caught him looking at me a few times the same way he had the night we talked about it. A sad, and rather worrisome expression took over his face and he would look away abruptly when I would catch him staring.

"I'm trying not to stare." I pointed out to Alice who was floating in the pool with Jasper. Her legs were locked around his waist and once again, it seemed she had lost track of her hands.

Edward made a face.

"Do you think that chlorine kills everything?" I asked, subconsciously mocking his grimace. "I mean, if it turns hair green, it has to be pretty strong stuff."

His eyebrows shot up, and he considered my question for a few moments. "It probably takes a few hours post…er…introduction for it to completely take care of it."

My grimace became incredibly strained on my face. "Gross."

"I should call my Dad."

He cut his eyes toward me. "That's kind of weird. Wondering which bodily fluids chlorine takes care of reminds you to call your Father."

I rolled my eyes but otherwise ignored his comment. "I think I should at least let him know where I am in case something happens. If he was injured falling off his fishing boat, I'd want to know." This would be the most awkward conversation ever. Charlie could care less where I was just as long as I wasn't under his roof. He wasn't unkind and he provided for me growing up but there was no sense of a relationship. Everything between us was forced and ill at ease.

"He doesn't know where you are? I bet that won't go over well," Edward grinned.

I shrugged. "He doesn't really care."

"How could he not?" Edward's tone had changed reminding me of the loss of his own Father.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up my Dad, like that. I can't imagine how difficult it is for you," I awkwardly mumbled. He nodded, accepting my apology but his shrug told me it wasn't necessary. "We just don't have a very tight relationship so we just…don't talk."

He shifted in his seat a little but I kept my shaded eyes on Alice and Jasper. Alice's hand had come up for air but now I couldn't see one of Jasper's. I was never going in that pool again.

"He loves you, though."

"I don't really know, to be honest."

"That's insane. He's never told you?" I shook my head. "What about your Mom? Is she in Washington?"

Now it was my turn to shift around in my seat. I never talked about my Mom because I didn't really know what to say. The truth? Sure, I could say, "Oh, my Mom disappeared when I was eight because I was too difficult to be around. Probably jumped off a bridge or changed her name and moved to Europe. Why? Oh, because I threw an ashtray at her head one day when I came home with a 'C' in biology. Oh yeah, I threw the ashtray with my fucking brain!"

"She left when I was eight," I told him.

When I thought about my parents, a strange thing would happen. A sort of numbness shadows over my brain like an eclipse taking over the sun. When I was moved back to Forks after Renee left, I was a mess. I wasn't sure whether she was alive or dead, but I did know that she had been reported missing. Even with all her faults and lack of coping skills, she was the only Mom I ever knew. There were good times, in addition to lots of scary and bad times, but the good times were what stuck in my brain during those years. I clung to them like moss on an elderly Oak, hoping that one day I could add memories to the ones I already had. A reunion memory, perhaps.

So, there I was, a scared little girl clutching onto a possibly fabricated memory of a Mother I would never see again. I desperately needed something from my Dad, the only parent I had left. I didn't know for sure what that was that I needed but I was pretty sure it was affection, maybe even love. Instead, I got nothing. Maybe a little acknowledgement that I shared a house with him was the most I could get out of Charlie. Thank God I met Alice. I recoil when I think of the person I would be today if Alice wasn't in my life.

"So, it was just you and your Dad?"

I nodded and he turned his gaze back to Jasper and Alice. We both watched their wandering hands and slimy tongues transfer spit back and forth for a few moments.

"It's kind of like watching National Geographic," he blurted.

I laughed, "Where's a hungry hyena when you need one? Isn't that the natural predator of the male and female erect nymphomaniacs? Pun intended, by the way."

"It must be mating season. Natural urges to procreate take over any sense of decency," Edward grinned.

"We can hear you!" Alice yelled in a sing-song voice.

I sat up straight and turned slightly toward Edward, stage whispering, "Did you hear that? It's very rare that you hear any sort of communication during the mating ritual. We are _so_ lucky."

He leaned toward me, "Let's see if I can get a rise out of the male."

I held my hand out in mock fear, "Be careful! He's liable to get ferocious while protecting his mate. I've seen times when he gets so defensive that his voice gets high pitched and he tries to confuse his adversary by flailing his arms around in a bitch slapping manner."

Alice and Jasper were now watching him as he stalked beside the pool in a very cool Edward-like manner. All four hands were now above sea level so whatever he was going to do was already a success in my opinion.

"What are you doing?" Alice asked, and snapped her neck toward me, "Bella? What…" she trailed off as Edward picked up the large cooler that Emmett always kept beside the pool. It was also always filled with loads of ice but rarely any beverages, mainly because we were all too lazy to refill it.

"Edward, I will kill you," Jasper grumbled matter-of-factly.

Edward grinned as he picked up the cooler and shuffled over to the edge of the pool.

"Edward, this is…" Alice's voice was slightly panicked. "Bella, tell him that this is ridiculous."

Edward looked at me with raised eyebrows. "Should I?"

Alice and Jasper looked like they were enjoying a tennis match. Their panicked and annoyed expression went back and forth between Edward and myself. Alice clutched onto Jasper as if he could omit some sort of force field to protect her against the contents of the cooler.

I sighed heavily, "It's only fair, really."

At that, Alice untangled her legs from around Jasper and they tried desperately to get as far away from Edward as they could. Unfortunately, for them, the leg tangling took a little too long because within seconds the contents of the cooler had been dumped on their heads. Alice was screaming and Jasper was shouting profanities with Edward's name mixed in.

Edward shrugged, but ran in the opposite direction while Jasper jumped out ran after him.

"What the fuck?" Rose's voice came from behind me, as she took in the ice floating in her pool and the cooler upturned.

"Edward," Alice spat as she climbed out of the pool, "He threw ice on us."

"You needed it, Alice!" I laughed at her as she wrapped a towel tightly around her.

She flipped me off.

"How was work, Rose?" I asked, between residual chuckles.

A noise came from in the house that sounded a little like a painful screech from Edward.

"Eh…it was work. Wish I could be here with you bitches, instead."

"You're with us in spirit. For instance, you would have covered Al and Jazz with ice but Edward did it, knowing you'd be proud of him." I smiled proudly up at her, as Alice ran a comb through her hair.

Rosalie grinned, "You know, I probably would have. Thanks, Bella."

"You people are insane. Who does that to another person?" Alice spat.

"Oh, like the time I was in the shower and you turned on the hot water in the kitchen every two minutes so it would go frigid on me? _That_ was insane, Alice." I pointed my finger at her, and narrowed my eyes. She didn't think that the whole thing could have caused some sort of catastrophe but luckily nothing happened_. If only I could control my fucking mind!_

The corners of Alice's mouth twitched. "That was great. You scream like a girl."

"So, we're going out on Thursday," Rose said, gazing toward the beach. "You're going with us, right?" I pretended to be busy picking at my fingernails, and hoping against all odds that she wasn't talking to me. "Bella?"

I shuffled through the memory folders in my brain, trying desperately to find something important enough to bring up that would change the subject. Someone famous is in rehab or has died. Phone messages she had gotten while she was a work. Anything. I got zilch.

"It'll be fun, Bella," Alice grinned. It was an evil grin. A revengeful grin.

I narrowed my eyes from under my sunglasses. Her malevolent smile was interrupted by Jasper, who came striding outside looking proud. Jasper was suddenly my hero.

"What are you looking so smug about?" I asked.

He shrugged a little and kissed Alice on the cheek. "I just gave Masen a bloody nose."

"You better have kept him off the living room carpet, Jasper," she hissed. It was impressive the lack of concern Rose showed for Edward's nose and the protective stance she took in defense of her carpet. In response, Jasper's grin fell off just a fraction and his brows came together.

"You asshat!" She slapped him on the back of the head and stomped off into the house.

Jasper ran after her after giving a quick slap to Alice's behind. "It was Edward's blood!"

My laughter caught in my throat when Alice snapped her face in my direction.

"You're going, Bella. You need to conquer your fears."

I whined and shifted in my seat, "Alice, you know what could happen and I'm not…"

"You'll be fine. No excuses, Bella."

Then she walked away, leaving wet footprints and a big gust of anxiety in her wake. Is this what people call "tough love"?

It's funny how the concept of time can seem so different from person to person, from situation to situation. A minute will always be sixty seconds, even though it may seem to pass in the blink of an eye or painfully tick by with bated breath.

When I was ten, I went fishing with my Dad for the first time. He had approached me about a few days before, looking at his feet and muttering the invitation as if he had been forced. Possibly, he was. Anyhoo, I accepted and as soon as he left the room, I threw myself upon my bed, squealed into my pillow and kicked my Keds on the bed so hard it made the room shake. Needless to say, I was excited at the chance to spend time with Charlie. I thought that if I went along with him, we would talk and come to a sort of understanding. I imagined the awkwardness of our relationship sprouting wings and taking flight, as a bond would form between us over earthworms and hot chocolate. To make a long story short, the awkwardness sat upon us like a vulture and it was the shortest fishing trip in the history of Charlie's fishing past. The pole slipped right from my hands, I swear it.

Those few days between Charlie's invitation and the actual fishing trip seemed to drag on forever. Each night of forcing myself to shut my eyes and think of anything but catching a huge trout, showing it proudly to Charlie seemed endless. With each day, the darkness couldn't come soon enough nor the light of the next day. "Father Time" was a big fat tease.

Coming back to the present, Rose had told me on Monday that we would be going to the bar on Thursday. She had teamed up with Alice, telling me that all my excuses were old and lame. At one point, she sent me a "talk to the hand" gesture, rendering me shockingly speechless. So, I had been dreading it, scheming in my head how to trick them into forgetting I exist for an evening. Between Monday and Thursday, I had barely blinked and here it was, Thursday. Time had passed so quickly that my brain struggled in these last few hours to come up with a reputable reason to skip the night out. I change my opinion on "Father Time"; he's a mother fucking asshole.

So there I was, standing in front of the full length mirror in my room, wondering to myself what Syrup of Ipecac tasted like and just how desperate I was. Vomiting sucked so I wasn't sure if the situation was that hopeless, yet.

I had on a dark blue tank top with a rosette neckline and dark jeans. After staring at my chucks for a good five minutes, I reluctantly pulled my black heeled boots out of the closet and put them on. I curled my hair a little, whipped on some mascara and some lips gloss so I could look like I at least made an attempt. The last thing I needed was Alice or Rose to get their hands on my makeup or hairbrush. I would end up looking like a two dollar hooker, making their goal of finding me a quick lay not even a challenge.

I stomped down the stairs with my little brown wallet clutched in my hand for dear life as if it could save me. Everyone was lounging on the living room furniture watching Wheel of Fortune. They were so wrapped up in the game that they didn't even see me approach from behind. Alice was in a tight little red strapless dress that made her slim figure look slightly curvy. Her dark hair was flipped and her bangs pinned back away from her face. She clung onto Jasper who was wearing a Killer's t-shirt, blue jeans and a pair of brown Vans. Rose and Emmett had went with a matching theme; both of them had on tight red t-shirts, however Rose's v-neck showed the curves of her breasts. Emmett had on a pair of khaki pants but Rose topped all of us. Her black leather pants had to have been sewn on Sandra Dee style. Edward looked casual in a blue button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and some loose fitting jeans. I smiled when I saw his black Chucks and I contemplated running upstairs to discard my boots. He was mindlessly fumbling with his cell phone and his eyes were glued to the television.

A short balding man had just went bankrupt.

"This guy sucks at this," Jasper mumbled and he took a pull from a beer.

There was a collective nod around the room. Emmett let out an agreement grunt.

"People can't suck at picking letters, Jasper. There is no skill involved," I said. Everyone turned in their seats and stared at me.

"There is so skill involved." He used air quotes on the last two words.

I rolled my eyes because unfortunately this wasn't the first time we had had this argument. Things were exciting in Seattle, especially in my apartment. So much so that these kinds of discussions were considered heated debates.

"When are you going to be ready, Bella?" Rose asked, looking me up and down. She disapproved of my outfit with a single glance. I pretended to be oblivious.

"I'm ready. Let's go," I said.

Alice flipped around on the couch. "You aren't wearing that shirt, Bella."

I raised my eyebrows. "Oh, I'm not?" She shook her head and her mouth fell open a little. "I think I am. Let's go."

The entire room stared at me and I glanced at Edward. He shrugged and I gave him the stink eye because he should be intuitive enough as the other single oddball to realize that he should be helping me.

"I have the perfect shirt for you, Bella. I'll just go get it." Rose's pants squeaked when she walked as she went for the stairs.

"Rose, seriously, I'm wearing this." Rose stopped and looked to Alice for help. It was rare when Rosalie Hale asked for help which said a lot about my current top.

"B! Guess a freaking B!" Jasper yelled out.

"Bella, we're just trying to help." Alice gave me her pouty face. _Huh-uh…not this time, Al_.

Rose turned back toward the stairs and I actually had to stop arguing to breath a little. They were starting to piss me off. I was close to barging out the back door and making a trip to the beach when the sound of Edward's phone ringing stopped me.

He closed his eyes for a moment before hissing out a curse, then he pushed a button and put it up to his ear. Surprisingly he didn't stomp off to find a quiet room to hash out his phone duel. He stayed put so naturally all of his friends stared at him and attempted to eavesdrop. Jasper even turned the volume down on Pat Sajak.

His voice was soft and his eyes were still shut as he rested the back of his head against the chair. He moved a hand through his hair, tugging at the roots and leaving it looking slightly messier than normal. The tips were turning auburn from being kissed by the sun.

"Yes…I know…I know…I told you that…please…"

Whoever was on the other end talked for a couple minutes as he sat with it to his ear. I was starting to think that they had hung up when he started talking again. "I do. How could you think that I don't?" His voice was growing strained and agitated, and I waited for the dragon to emerge from the calmness but exactly the opposite seemed to happen. "I know you do…I know…a few weeks. I promise…please…don't do that, okay?" He now sounded like he was pleading with someone. His eyes popped open and he noticed the five pairs of eyes fixated on him so he quickly raised out of his chair. He stalked into the kitchen and there was a communal awkwardly shift of all the bodies left in the room.

The sound of Rosalie's heels clonking up the stairs broke the silence. _Damn it. She was getting that shirt_.

Ten minutes later, I was stuffed into a tight blue tank top with more boob showing than I was comfortable with. Emmett had went to check on Edward and came back with a gloomy look on his face.

"Edward decided he isn't going to come," he muttered. "We should go."

Rosalie gave him a look that probably meant something and he nodded in return. Fucking couples with their secret fucking languages.

"What? Why isn't Edward coming?" This wasn't fair. I didn't have some secret person calling me and getting me out of these kind of things. The fact that Edward was going was going to make this whole bar experience a little bit better. If something happened, he would be there; I could grab his hand and answer questions later.

"He's not feeling well," Emmett grumbled, avoiding looking at my narrowed eyes.

"But he was just…"

Emmett cut me off with his usual spunkiness returned, "Let's hit the road! I'm gonna get my groove on!" He proceeded to do some strange mating dance where he grinded his hips into the back of the sofa. Alice let out a disgusted groan.

"I…er…forgot my wallet upstairs. I'll be right back," I grumbled, heading for the stairs.

"Your wallet is in your hand, Bella!" Alice called after me.

I yelled something unintelligible back and headed straight to Edward's room. I wasn't even sure if he was up here but if he was, I was going to let him have it. Knocking would have been kind of me but kind had flown out the window the minute my boobs were smashed into the polyester that was currently wrapped around my torso like an Ace bandage.

He was laying on his back across the bed with his arm draped across his eyes. When I shut the door behind me, he didn't budge. I looked around me and spotted his guitar, and several pots of tiny dead plants that were sitting by the large patio window of his room. There was a small pile of clothes in the corner and a picture of a man and woman sitting on the dresser. The colors of the woman's red hair and the man's brown suit were fuzzy and a crack ran across the glass of the frame.

"Emmett, I told you that I'm not going. For the last fucking time…leave me alone, please." His voice was weak and strained, leaving a bad taste of guilt in my mouth. It was wrong of me to come barging up here, demanding that he expose himself to the sweaty and rude crowd of a bar just to protect me from myself.

"It's me," I squeaked, "I just wanted to make sure you were all right." _Yeah, that's it. I was concerned for your well being and it has nothing to do with your magic hands._

He raised his arm a fraction and he peered at me through the opening. His eyes widened a little at Rosalie's slutty tank top and the corner of his mouth twitched but he recovered quickly and went back to being his typical post-phone call broody self.

"I just don't feel well all of a sudden so I'm just going to stay in." His voice was muffled as he lowered his forearm back over his eyes.

"Bullshit," I spat. I flinched a little because I was surprised that I had actually said it out loud considering my aversion to confrontation.

"Bella, no offense but it's none of your business," he mumbled.

I narrowed my eyes and breathed in through my nose and exhaled a warm gust of air through my mouth. I walked over to his bed, and sat down on the edge next to him. His hand looked so inviting just laying at his side. He had no clue the power he held over me with just a touch from that hand. I sucked in a deep breath and took a chance to look at his room in a little more detail. It seemed that Rose had given him the smallest room but he did have his own little patio which made up for it. There was only a closet and no private bathroom like I had in my room, but he wasn't the type to care. The decaying plants by the patio window were a little on the creepy side and I only hoped that it was a last attempt at reviving them by Rose and not some weird hobby of Edward's.

The picture on the dresser kept drawing my eyes to it and I found myself curious about it. Who the couple was and why did they look so damn happy. I assumed it was his parents and I wanted to ask about his mother. I had learned previously that he was an only child, and his mom had babied him his whole life. My guess was that he secretly loved it even though he grimaced when he told me.

"You're going to piss them off if you don't get down there," he told me, peering up at me again from under his arm.

"I would really like you to come, Edward."

He almost looked sad for a moment at my request but it vanished into a neutral expression. His head shook a couple times, and his eyes disappeared once again. "Sorry, I…I just can't."

Out of nowhere, my body reacted on it's own accord and I slowly grabbed onto his hand. As soon as my skin met his, my body reacted and I was floating. I couldn't help the smile that spread over my face and the feeling of relief flood through my body as if it had replaced my blood. My stomach rejoiced in the absence of the imaginary hand that enveloped it on an every day basis when tension and fretfulness ruled my decisions.

"Edward, can I just…can I just tell you that you shouldn't let other things or other people make decisions for you. I don't know what those phone calls are about and I'm not dismissing the importance of them but you are here…right now." My voice did not sound like my own and I paused for a short time. The utter euphoria that was running from my hand to every other portion of my body was placing me in a semi-confused state. Was I dreaming? Or maybe I died.

Edward's hand twitched from under mine and I sensed retreat. In a defensive action, I held a little tighter and climbed back onto my soapbox.

"I lived for a long time in fear, always wondering what would happen if I stepped outside my little bubble. The little bubble that I live in is safe and predictable but it's pretty damn boring. Tonight, I'm going to that bar and my bubble is staying here so…" I trailed off, a little embarrassed that I was talking about bubbles. His hand was warm, so warm, and I wanted to hold onto his tighter and feel if his palm is soft or calloused. I wanted to travel my hand up his arm, and feel the dark hair on his forearms travel between my fingers.

Edward didn't move and I wondered if he had fallen asleep until he pulled his hand away from mine in a slow but deliberate movement. I was unable to hold back the soft whimper that came from me as the clutching and tautness returned to my body in full force as if angry that it had been sent away. It took a few minutes to readjust but when I did, I found my bearings and rose from his bed. After one last glance at his unmoving frame, I started walking toward the door. It was strange; what I felt was sadness but not sadness that his magic hands would not be there to rescue me if the situation called for it. I was sad because I actually wanted him to come. It occurred to me then that I really liked Edward, and his company was something I looked forward to. I didn't hang out with him just because he was the only one not sucking someone else's face besides myself. I hung out with him because I wanted to.

I put my hand on the doorknob when he spoke, his voice deep and slightly hoarse. "I'll make a deal with you."

I turned around on my heel as he sat up on the edge of his bed. He cleared his throat as I raised my eyebrows expectantly.

"Why do I feel like I'm making a deal with the devil?" I asked.

The corner of his mouth pulled up into a smirk. "I'll go tonight if you play a song for me sometime," he said and nodded once toward the guitar propped up in the corner of his room.

I crossed my arms over my chest and chewed on my lip while considering his proposition. I'd never played for anyone but Alice, and I only knew three songs however he didn't specify _when_ I'd have to play this song. It could be ten years from now.

"Okay. Deal."

He stood up, crossed the room and held his hand out for me to shake it. For the first time, I didn't want to touch him. It was the whole blind man taking a five second peek at a porno. A tease. There was no way out of it, however, so I grabbed his hand for a quick shake, feeling the release and reintroduction of the monster inside me.

**A/N: A five second peek of a porno would TOTALLY suck. Leave me some love, purdy please! Thanks to everyone who reads!**


	8. Chapter 8  Finally, a purpose

**A/N: Thanks again for any/all support! This was a long one, guys. I am REALLY nervous about it, so some feedback would be fantastic.**

***Warning-this chapter contains sexual violence and lots of vulgar language. If you are sensitive to any of that, please don't read. I can PM you a short summary of what happens.***

**Chapter Song: Wishing Well by The Airborne Toxic Event.**

* * *

I walked out of Edward's bedroom with him trailing behind me. I felt good. Confident for the first time in a very long time. I would do this and it would be fun. It was normal and I would be surrounded by friends and people who love me. Possibly, I'd even dance.

The voices of those friends carried up the stairs and I could hear them arguing about The Beatles. Jeopardy was probably on and if Pat Sajak brought out the competitive side of Jasper, Alec Trabek turned him into some kind of monster.

"Bella," Edward whispered from behind me. I turned around and he leaned in, whispering close to my ear, "You were talking about not letting anyone control _me _and _my_ decisions." He looked down and for a moment I thought he was ogling my boobs but then it hit me like a ton of bricks. Ten minutes ago, I had sat down beside _him_, and gave _him_ a spiel about not letting other forces control your life and I couldn't even pick my own clothes. I am the walking, talking, retarded contradiction that is Bella Swan.

"Do you really want to wear that?" he asked, one side of his mouth pulled up into a smirk. It was that same smile I used to see in college that would send me into panic mode because of the Newton fiasco. It meant something completely different to me now but for the life of me, I couldn't describe the jumble of feelings that rushed through me when it crossed over his lips.

"You're right." I smiled at him and his half smile turned into a whole one, white teeth and all. For the first time, I really looked at Edward. Sure, I had seen him everyday for the past couple of weeks but I never really looked at him. His face was clean shaven, which I had only seen a couple of times since I met him and his hair was a violent mess. The exhausted look that was so prominent on his features that night I broke the glass in the kitchen was fogged over by a tan and vibrant green eyes. The tired Edward was still there, living beneath the folds of beach and beer, but he wasn't dominant anymore. Whatever it was that put those blue circles under his eyes and made the little worry wrinkle between his eyebrows a permanent feature was something he came here to escape. Call me Matlock but I had a feeling it was tied into the phone calls.

"You go on down and tell them that I'll be right there."

He nodded and I turned toward my room.

A few minutes later, I padded down the stairs in brown Chuck Taylors and a fitted black Metallica t-shirt. Everyone was gathered by the door shuffling their feet, sighing dramatically and looking at their watches.

Alice smiled at me, "I thought you were chickening out."

I shrugged, "I had to get rid of the hooker shirt."

Rose sucked in some air and managed to look offended. "Did you just…that shirt is classy, Bella!"

"Who gives a shit was Bella wears, Rose? She's got tits and a…" He stopped short as Rose glared at him. Then he turned back to me and smiled, "I love Metallica, Bella."

Rosalie sighed as all of us shuffled out the door. We were like a herd of elephants, and Edward and Emmett actually got stuck in the doorway for a few beats.

"That shirt was just about as classy as your pants," I told her and Alice laughed, expelling a little snort.

Rose huffed and squeaked away, following Emmett to the SUV.

"I think I'm going to drive separate, guys." Edward pulled his keys out of his pocket and headed toward his rental car. "Bella, you want a ride?"

"She could have gotten an easy one if she would have kept my shirt on!" Rose yelled from inside Emmett's car. I had carefully painted my fingernails Ruby Red that afternoon, and at that moment I showed one to Rose for inspection. It just happened to be my tallest finger and she wasn't impressed.

"Sure, thanks."

"Nice ride. Very reliable," I told him as he turned the engine over.

Emmett peeled out of the driveway, honking at us and I could hear Rosalie now squealing at him to slow down. The exhaust went right into her Petunias. She was a very protective plant mommy.

"Fucking Volvo. I tried…I really tried to get something more my style but this was all they had for a long term rental," he complained.

"You're like a soccer mom…only hairier."

He pulled a CD case out from the floor of the back seat and started flipping through it.

"I don't know, there are some soccer moms that can grow some pretty neat beards," he replied.

I cocked an eyebrow. "Where did you learn so much about soccer moms?"

"The Volvo rental line at the airport," he grinned.

He found what he was looking for and pulled it out of the case. After popping it in to the CD player, he pushed a few buttons and Enter Sandman started playing.

"I thought this was appropriate," he smiled.

I looked down at my shirt and grinned out the window as he put the car in drive.

When we reached "Wet Willie's", the rest of the gang was waiting by the front door, hopping on their toes in anticipation. Rose had her arms wrapped around Emmett's large trunk and his arms was wrapped around her shoulders. Alice was waving her arms around animatedly as she told Jasper something. A smile played at his lips as her facial expressions changed with each movement of her hands. That man adored her and I was terribly happy for her. Their relationship made me a little jealous at times, but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle. I only caught them half naked on the couch once, and after a long lecture on the difficulty of removing stains from suede, they squeaked out an simultaneous apology and retired to the bedroom.

Alice grabbed my hand as we reached them and gave me a questioning glance. I sent her one back that said that I was fine and there was no need to worry. I was a little nervous but I felt much better since Edward and his magic hands were two steps behind me, within reach of a quick grab.

It was crowded but it could have been worse. Loud pop music was playing out of the speakers, the bass shaking my insides like an artificial heart. We followed Emmett to a table in the corner that had a reserved sign sitting on it.

"The owner is a big fan of Emmett's glory days," Alice yelled at me over the music, which was a rapper singing about dancing at a club. It was actually pretty catchy, in spite of the rapping.

I didn't listen to much radio but I loved music. In fact, "love" is not the appropriate word in my case. It was a therapy for me. I could always conjure up a song from the seventies or eighties that matched perfectly with my mood. There were nights in college when I'd pop my headphones on and Fleetwood Mac or Journey would make me feel like I was understood while the rest of the world just wasn't cool enough to get me. The new music I found was something I came across on the internet and it was most likely never found on the radio.

I nodded at Alice and we sat down, myself sandwiched in between her and Rose. Edward was across from myself, with Jasper and Emmett on each of his sides so that they could sit by their ladies.

A tan little brunette by the name of Jessica came by and took all of our drink orders. Her shorts allowed some of her ass cheeks to seep out and her shirt had that "shrunk in the dryer" appearance. She hopped when she walked and her ponytail bobbed with each word she squeaked out. The worst of it was the lack of eye contact with anyone who possessed a vagina. I wasn't even sure if she heard my order or not because she was checking Emmett's package out through her peripheral vision.

Shortly after our second round of drinks had arrived at the table, the guys had lapsed into their own conversation about which one of the them was luckiest in terms of their city having the best sports teams. I was feeling pretty good, even as the crowd grew a little thicker and little more intoxicated.

"Jasper thinks he might have to go back to Seattle in a few days." Alice's face twitched with determination as she said it, trying not to show the wretchedness that she felt. It was the hardest thing for Alice; saying goodbye to people that she loved. Her father had told her goodbye the day after her ninth birthday and he never looked back. Her abandonment issues ran deep which was one of the reasons Al and I were so close as prepubescent girls. I knew Jasper leaving would be devastating for her even if it was only for a few days.

Rose didn't look surprised at Alice's statement. "He loves that bar and he's a nervous wreck even if he doesn't look it. Honestly, I didn't think he'd come in the first place."

Alice sighed, "I know. I'm so proud of him for starting from the ground up like that. It's amazing to actually see him take responsibility for something for once."

Alice and Rose laughed and I raised my eyebrows at them. "Jasper has always been responsible."

This made them laugh even harder. Rose blew out a very unladylike snort which caught Emmett's attention for a moment. He hated when anyone but him made her laugh that hard.

"Jasper has never been responsible," Rose laughed, "He was a mess in high school and an even bigger mess in college!"

I was astonished, having always seen the conscientious side of Jasper. Always calling when he was going to be late, picking up dinner on occasion when he was on his way, making Alice do her homework.

Alice had finally stopped laughing. "This one time in college, he got smashed and streaked by the Blessed Sacrament on 8th Avenue shouting things about Adam and Eve."

"Oh, and the one time he skipped two weeks of Microeconomics and the teacher almost booted him out of the class. That was classic. Dad was pissed. I thought he was going to bring the belt out on his ass, again." Rosalie's smile didn't reach her eyes. Any conversation involving Mr. or Mrs. Hale was a downer in Rosalie's book even if we were making fun of Jasper in the process.

"I can't imagine Jasper skipping class. He's always so…punctual," I told them, staring at my Amoretto Sour with wide eyes.

"Alice taught him punctuality," Rose grinned.

I turned to Alice and she was grinning smugly. "I've taught him many things, dear Rosalie."

I made a face. "If you start wiggling your eyebrows, I'm outta here," I deadpanned.

"So, Bella, we should be able to find you a man here tonight," Rose said, sitting up straighter and eye balling the crowd that circled around the bar like flies.

I followed her line of vision and didn't see anyone who looked desperate enough to hit on a girl wearing a faded band t-shirt and a pair of worn tennis shoes. Everyone looked the same: tanned skin, greasy hair and a cocky gait.

"I don't see my type, Rose."

She sighed, "I don't either."

I cut my eyes to her and raised my eyebrows expectantly. "You know my type?"

She scoffed, "You're so predictable, Bella."

I leaned back and crossed my arms over my chest. "Really?"

"Yes, you are," she grinned. She leaned forward with her elbows on the table creating a cleavage line that even I had trouble keeping my eyes from. "Let me tell you what your type is."

I cocked my head, waiting for her description.

"All right, your type is a guy is tall, dark and uniquely handsome. He carries himself with an unusual ease that not many guys can pull off, and that is what attracts you to him in the first place. He has major issues that make you want to put on a cat woman suit, swoop down and save him. He likes dogs and hates cats but deep down he really wants one of those pot bellied pigs like George Clooney has. Your ideal man makes you laugh without even trying, wants to make you happy without drawing attention to his effort, and plays a mean game of beach volleyball." Rosalie sat back, satisfied with herself.

"Are you done?" I asked.

"Yep."

"Good, because you just described Emmett."

With that, the three of us laughed like hyenas. People were staring but we didn't give two shits about it. When we were done, our guys were amongst the ones gawking at us like we had lost our marbles after gulping down our second round of drinks.

After catching her breath, Alice sighed, "Cat Woman was kind of a bad guy, right?"

"Cat Woman? You guys are talking about Cat Woman?" Emmett's tone reflected a mixture of wonderment and disappointment that he had missed a conversation about a crazy lady who dresses up in leather to resemble a cat.

"I thought you hated cats, Emmett?" I asked, and the laughter ensued.

I discovered a lot of things that I didn't like about the bar scene. Jessica The Waitress, chili fries that had a puddle of grease pooled in the center, and the standard dance of dry humping in public were a few of the qualities of the bar scene that didn't appeal to me. In spite of our slutty waitress and fries "guaranteed to give Emmett the shits" (as stated factually by my friend Rosalie as they were daintily set down in the center of the table by the first disliked quality mentioned above), I was having a blast. My four horny friends had taken up dancing about forty five minutes ago, and Edward had moved around to my side of the table. We sat watching them dance, poking fun at them where we could, which was pretty fucking easy. They fit in well on the dance floor, dry humping one another until they started panting like wild animals then they'd cozy up together, trying desperately to conceal erections.

"Favorite musician?" Edward asked. We had been playing twenty questions in between insults to our friends' dancing abilities.

I scrunched my face up in thought. "Probably….hmmm…probably, Dolly Parton."

If he had looked any more shocked, it would have been insulting.

"What? Dolly is amazing."

"You're kidding, right?" His mouth formed a grin/sneer and my palm twitched to slap it off his face.

"Dolly Parton came from nothing. She grew up in the Smokey Mountains in a one bedroom cabin she shared with eleven siblings and her parents. Her voice is beautiful, she writes her own songs and makes no excuses for who she is. She's a legend," I shrugged and took a sip of my water. If I would have drank a third Amoretto Sour, I'd be blackened toast.

"Sounds like you really admire her," he said and I nodded as enthusiastically as I could but my head sort of wobbled around on my shoulders like a large boulder. I did it a few more times because it felt a little funny, and suddenly I wanted to go to sleep. Change into PJ's, climb into bed and dream about burly mountain men climbing up snow capped mountains.

"Is she really your favorite musician?"

I shot him a look. A look that was supposed to portray my annoyance at his question, but probably made me appear nauseous. I felt myself sway on the chair a little.

He leaned in, the beer on his breath wafting into my nose with each word that escaped his lips, "You okay, Bella?"

I nodded, "Yeah," then I shook my head a little. "What about you? Who has the honor of being _your_ favorite musician?" My tone reflected the bitter annoyance that was supposed to be my previous facial expression but failed miserably.

He sighed, "Van Morrison."

Then I waited, expectantly for him to defend himself like I had.

He shrugged and smiled that smile I had grown to love the past couple of weeks. "I don't know how many brother or sisters he had and I don't know how many rooms he had in his house growing up but I do know one thing…" he leaned over and breathed warmth into my ear "…he's a fucking amazing artist."

My breath hitched as he leaned back and took my hand in his. The feel of his palm on mine as he wrapped his large hand around mine was the equivalent to a shot of whiskey. I still swayed a little in my chair, like I had been hit with something invisible.

"We should dance," he grinned.

My eyes grew as wide as they could and at that moment I really did get the urge to vomit. He had seen my mad skills in the boogie department, so he obviously had one too many beers. As if on cue, he took a long pull from the bottle in his hand and set it back down with a loud clunk, empty.

"I'm not feeling too good. I need to…" I trailed off, looking frantically for a sign for the restroom.

His stare went from amused to concerned in a flash and he dropped my hand. The effects of the vanished magic was even more sobering and I suddenly had the rapid symptoms of a horrible hangover. There was no question…the purging of the sweet and sour drink was inevitable.

"Do you want to go home?"

I clamped my mouth shut, terrified of what would come out of it if I answered him and bolted toward the rear of the bar. _Damn it_. I bounced off of people, stepped on a few feet and was called some repulsive names as I made my way to the back of the building. There had to be a bathroom somewhere back here. Drunk people always had to piss, right? Finally, I spotted it along with the seemingly mile long line of chattering half-drunk women that were waiting their turn to expel their night of fun in one way or another.

I cursed in thought because my lips were still tightly clamped together. After stomping my foot, _because that made it a lot better_, I spotted a rear entrance. I quickly checked for emergency alarms before crashing through the door and spewing on the ground just outside. I put my palms on my knees and breathed heavily until I felt safe that the dry heaving that followed had concluded.

"Shit!" I hissed, spitting as much of the foul taste of stomach acid and liquor out of my mouth.

I stood up and breathed in the stale air of the alley that I had just exited into. It was, thankfully, empty, so I took a few moments to close my eyes and lean my back against the warm brick wall of the building. Sweat beaded around my forehead, and I felt as if I could sleep, right here, leaning against the bar. _What the hell had just happened? _One minute I was defending Dolly Parton and the next, I was running away to vomit. Was it because he asked me to dance? Christ, I'm so dramatic. I'm a lost cause. In that moment, I came to realization that maybe it was my fault that my life was not normal. I blamed it on this "gift", this curse that seemed to rule my life for the first twenty five years, however it hadn't reared it's ugly head all night and this is how I ended up. Alone with vomit breath.

"There you are; I thought I saw you rush out the back door." The voice was familiar but I couldn't place it so I opened my eyes.

The creepy guy from the beach. Jake, I think was his name, was looking at me with a glint of redemption in his eyes. He stood about ten feet away from me with two of his moron friends flanking each side. The one to his right had a shaved head and a tight red muscle shirt on; the only thing I noticed about the other one was the short black Mohawk that ran from his forehead, across his scalp and to his neck.

"What cha' doing out here all by yourself? A girl like you could get into some trouble without her fuck-up bodyguards out here to protect her." His tone was evil and his smile iniquitous, as he slowly walked closer.

"Fuck off!" I spun on my heel and pulled on the handle of the door that I had just came from. It didn't budge. Locked. _Fuck!_ The door that had just saved my ass was now screwing me over. I kicked the door because it needed to know what it had done. Something crashed behind me and I wasn't sure if it had been me or them doing it.

The maniacal laughter from behind me broke me away from the internal question. I slowly turned around and they were only a few feet away.

"I think someone needs to be taught a lesson on respect."

If my "gift" had a purpose, this was it: To save my ass when all else fails.

I stared at a metal trash can, willing it to obey me but it didn't budge. Instead the dumpster lid fell with a loud "CRASH!", turning their attention from me but only for a moment. I focused harder on the trash can, imagining it lifting up and flying through the air at a ridiculous speed. I saw it in my mind. I saw Jake getting cracked in the head with it, and the other two running off with a start . Some empty discarded bottles ten feet down the alley rolled forcibly against the wall, smashing. I had no doubt I had done it but it didn't help my situation. The invisible hand in my torso squeezed my stomach so hard that I let out a painful groan.

Jake ordered Muscle Shirt to check out the noise, make sure no one was there to keep me from learning my lesson. Warm tears were starting to form in my eyes, and I thought ridiculously about my brain being so fucked up that maybe I could send subliminal "help!' messages to Alice or Rose or Edward. Anyone.

"Leave me alone, you piece of shit!" I tried desperately to sound unafraid but my voice betrayed me as a weak squeak.

He laughed again, then grabbed my upper arms in both of his hands. His fingers gripped me so hard, I knew there would be bruises. The trash can fell over causing another loud crash. I stared hopefully at it but instead of obeying, it rolled in a semi-circle and seemed to die.

Jake's hands moved down my arms and stopped at my hands which were balled up into shaky fists. I pulled away from him, trying to pull myself from his grasp but he was too strong. His hands twisted my wrists and I pulled my knee up, aiming for his crotch. He swerved to the side, and pinned me against the wall with his body. His eyes revealed pleasure at the sight of a tear rolling down my cheek. He was getting off on my fear. I felt the evidence against my hip and I held back a terrified sob.

"Nuthin' there." Muscle Shirt had returned, puffing out his chest and waddling like a duck. I imagined him doing the chicken dance, but at the moment I couldn't find any humor in the image.

He threw my hands against the wall above my head and latched them there, using one hand to hold me. His other hand traveled down my face, then my neck and stopped at my breast. He kneaded it like pizza dough, harshly, digging his fingertips into the soft flesh. I whimpered, turned my face away and stared longingly at the traitorous door. Someone. Anyone.

"I'm going to show you, Bella, how a real man likes to fuck." He spat my name, and his lackeys chuckled behind him. I wanted to call him names, spit in his face, fight back, do anything that could buy me some time. However, the look in his eyes was growing dangerously close to being insane. Insane people murdered other people, left them for dead in dumpsters like the one in that alley. I heard something rattle that sounded like metal, possibly the trash can. Mowawk mumbled something unintelligible.

He forcibly wedged his knee between mine and forced my feet apart.

"Please…" I didn't mean to say it out loud because I wasn't talking to him. I was begging for help. I closed my eyes tight as I continued the mantra in my head. _Please…please…please…_

He threw his head back and laughed, "She's begging! She wants it!" The lackeys followed with inhumane guffaws, sounding like donkeys in distress.

The laughter was interrupted by another crash. _What pointless and unhelpful thing had my brain moved now? _I opened my eyes and there he was, a flash of snarling white teeth and wild hair. His eyes glinted madly from the light of the street lamp, and he hit my attacker at full force. I fell from the impact, my knees cracking against the pavement but there was no time to think of my own bruises or blood.

I looked up and saw Edward and Jake wrestling around on the ground, swinging fists and ripping clothes. I hesitated, trying to decide the best course of action. I could stay and help or run inside and get Emmett. I looked at the door. Closed. _Shit!_

Jake's lackeys came upon Edward like two wild gorillas, hitting him in the kidneys. Edward groaned and fell to the side, releasing Jake from underneath him. The twisting in my stomach took over, leaving me feeling dizzy and weak. If I could just go fetal and cry, I would feel a hundred times better.

Edward was on his feet, being circled as he clutched onto his stomach in a half-bent posture. Blood was oozing from a cut on his forehead and his jaw was starting to swell. I shot the metal trash can one more determined look and nothing happened.

"Fucking piece of shit!" I hissed, unsure of who I was talking to but it felt damn good to get it out.

Gathering up all the energy I had, I stomped over to the trash can and picked it up. It wasn't really heavy but it would have to do so I shoved it toward Mohawk and Muscle Shirt, hitting them in the back and knocking them forward. Jake's viewing of his friends falling face first into the concrete was interrupted by a hard blow to the nose. He wobbled back a few feet and fell flat on his ass.

Edward hobbled quickly over to me, his arm guarding his bruised torso. I didn't hesitate to grab his hand. Suddenly, the world was right and I had to bite my lip to keep from grinning. That was until all three bastards were on their feet again and coming toward us.

Jake was spitting blood onto the ground and cursing under his breath. I would never forget the look in his eyes as he came toward us. Dark and murderous, terrifyingly determined. We were walking backward as they slowly came at us, like vultures searching for a dead carcass.

I looked over my shoulder and cursed. We were backing ourselves into a dead end. Edward followed my eyes, and gritted his teeth together as he turned back toward them. He pulled me behind him but I wouldn't let go of his hand.

"Bella," he whispered, "if you get the chance, just run."

I shook my head and gripped his hand until I was sure it was cutting off circulation to my fingers.

"You have to get Emmett and Jasper."

I pressed my lips together and didn't respond. There was no way I could just leave him to be beaten. There was no telling how long it would take for me to find them, and these guys were dangerous fuckers.

A maniacal laugh came from Jake, as he threw his head back and then spit a large amount of blood on the ground near a pile of empty bottles. If I could just get my hands on one of those bottles, I could…

Then something completely unexpected happened. One of the bottles came loose from the pile and rolled a foot in our direction. _What. The. Fuck. Had I done that? _

"Aren't you two sweet? Came for some pussy and I get an added bonus of busting up the Pretty Boy's face," Jake bellowed and the other two chuckled at his sides.

"Bring it on, Motherfucker!" Edward growled back.

My eyes found the glass beer bottles once again, praying to any God that would hear me to help me move them. I needed to move them; they were our only hope. Pulling any strength I had from the tips of my toes to the abnormal wiring of my brain, I focused on what I wanted the bottle to do. My head was starting to pound, and I could feel my fingernails digging into Edward's palm. Just when my thoughts were circulating around giving up, the bottle moved again. However, this time it didn't just roll off the pile. Instead, it did something even more miraculous. It lifted off the ground, floating in midair raising inch by inch until my mind told it to halt.

I hadn't even realized that the verbal abuse had ended and our attackers were getting close. It was do or die, and I chose the former. Sweat rolled down my back and into my jeans, and my knees ached but I raised the bottle further to waist height. Everyone else was too focused on each other to notice the floating bottle beside the disgusting dumpster.

It was amazing. The bottle was doing everything I wanted it to do as if it were alive and breathing and here to serve me. I internally called it to me, imagining it coming between us and them, like some sort of force field; and it did. That's when things got really interesting.

Being too focused on the bottle, I couldn't see everyone's expression but I could hear their words.

Edward tensed up and backed up somewhat, but remained silent.

"Jesus Christ! What the hell!"

"That fucking bottle is…"

"Holy Shit!"

I felt Edward tugging at my hand, trying to release me probably wanting to grab the bottle with his right hand but I couldn't let go. I gripped onto his hand even tighter, resisting the release, and he relented. I wasn't sure how I was doing it but I was positive that if anything physically changed with me right now, I would lose it.

The bottle floated close to Edward, as if telling him to grab it so he did with his other hand then without missing a beat, he broke it in half against the wall behind us. It went from being a useless bottle to a lethal weapon. I took a deep breath, and my lungs drunk in the oxygen causing me to cough and sputter. I had barely been breathing.

Jake took one look at me and then the broken bottle that Edward gripped in his hand.

"Are you some sort of freak?"

_Why, yes…yes I am._

Edward moved forward slowly, holding the sharp edges of the bottle toward our assailants. I moved with him, searching the alley with my eyes for other weapons that could help us get out of this with the help of my freaky brain. With wide eyes, Jake walked slowly backwards. I was briefly reminded of West Side Story, the five of us doing battle in an alley while doing some wacky dance. Only our version of it involved a broken bottle and a few Psychopaths.

"Just move out of the way," Edward growled, "and I won't rip your throat out."

Jake sneered, "I'd like to see you try."

_Uh oh_. Just when I thought we were going to be able to get the fuck out, testosterone gives Jake a God complex.

I gripped Edward's hand and twisted my other one in the polyester of his Oxford shirt. We were easing our way by the dumpster, and the look in Jake's eyes told me that I didn't have much time until he attacked. The other two stood back, unsure of what to do because that broken bottle scared the fuck out of them.

I stared at the closed lid of the dumpster, focusing on what I needed it to do. It complied by lifting up a few feet and then slamming back down. Everyone jumped, including myself and Edward but he didn't take his eyes off of Jake or his minions. I chanced a glance at the three of them and "deer in headlights" didn't do it justice. This is what people looked like when they saw dead relatives or monsters they didn't know existed standing over their bed, watching them sleep.

Jake cut his eyes to me and hissed, "You're doing this! You fucking freak!"

Edward tensed beside me, and I was afraid he was going to crush the bottle with his fist. His fingers were turning white and his hand was shaking. Perfect. I was freaking him out just as much as everyone else, but who wouldn't be?

As insulting as Jake thought he was to me, I had already accepted the title of "freak". It was nothing that I hadn't called myself every day since I was eight. But that didn't stop me from having to hold my tongue, reaching back to my grade school days when if you were called a name, you flung one right back. If I was a freak, what was he? A crazy fucking rapist with homicidal tendencies. I'd rather be a freak.

I felt powerful and in control for the first time in my life. My eyes found the trash can further up the alley that I had thrown fifteen minutes earlier, trying to rescue Edward. I focused, narrowing my eyes at the metal trashcan and keeping a firm grip on Edward with both hands. The trash can started rolled, and just as Jake was turning around to see what was coming, it bowled under him. He fell forward and smashed his face on the concrete. That would have been good enough but the trashcan kept coming, and it took Muscle Shirt down with him.

Mohawk was the only one standing, other than us. He took one look at the bottle then at me and a terrified expression crossed his features.

"Fuck this," he muttered and took off running toward the open end of the alley.

Muscle Shirt was soon to follow, leaving Jake by himself.

"Paul! You fucking coward!" he yelled behind his shoulder as the retreating form of his friend disappeared around the corner.

"Just you and me, _Jake_," Edward spat. He inched closer to Jake, and for the first time I felt relief. "Bella, do you have your phone?"

"Yes."

"Call the police."

Jake narrowed his eyes, looking directly at me who was still half hiding behind Edward. I reached around and managed to get my phone out of my right pocket with my left hand because there was no way in hell I was using my right which was firmly planted in Edward's palm. I opened it and pressed 911, then put it to my ear forgetting to press send.

"I'll see you again, Bella."

Then he turned to walk swiftly away from us and I flipped the phone shut. I couldn't leave it there so I gathered up my remaining psychological strength and sent the metal trashcan toward him again, rolling violently on the ground. He glanced at it once over his shoulder, and picked up his pace. Eventually it chased him from the alley in a ridiculously humorous fashion.

We stood frozen for a few moments, letting the past thirty minutes sink in to our brains. I couldn't imagine what Edward was thinking, probably trying to plan his own escape without being chased by a rolling trashcan.

He tugged on his hand, in order to swivel me around so that I was facing him. He looked horrible. The cut above his eye had stopped bleeding but the blood that had escaped it, had dried through his eyebrow and around his eye. A flash of green in the middle of a thick coating of dark red goop. His jaw was moderately swollen, as well as a cut on his lip.

His gaze left me breathless, searching for excuses in my mind that I had used in the past when something similar had happened around the unknowing. None of them would work this time. I would have to tell him and then watch him leave my life like all the rest. Alice was the exception.

"Where's Alice?" My voice was hoarse and broken. "I need Alice."

He pressed his lips together, and looked at me, a mixture of disappointment and fear written on his face. I was used to that look but not by him, and it hurt. It left me feeling empty and ashamed.

"I don't know. They don't know where we are," he whispered, still staring into my eyes.

He tried to remove his hand from mine but I couldn't. The clutching in my stomach would be too unbearable in this moment. I needed more relief…more touching…more…

"Please…" I whimpered and his brows came together.

"Bella," he breathed and put his other hand on my cheek. It felt remarkably like a notion of pleading as if he were searching my face for answers that weren't coming from my mouth. "We have to call the police."

I felt my eyes nearly bug out of my head. I hadn't thought about that. What would we tell them? What would he tell them? The look of pure fear must have been evident on my face because he sighed and removed his hand from my cheek.

"They can't get away with this. You have to tell the police, sweetheart, those assholes deserve to go to jail."

I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head in a frantic motion. His hand returned to my face and I involuntarily leaned into it.

"We won't tell them the…supernatural part of the story if that's what you're worried about," he whispered.

My eyes shot open and a tear ran down my cheek. It burned with every centimeter that it conquered until Edward wiped it away with his thumb. _Why wasn't he asking what was wrong with me? There were probably millions of questions that he wanted to ask. Why wasn't he asking them?_

"_They_ will tell them."

I imagined myself chained up in some lab with tubes running out of me, things being thrown at me to provoke my brain into reacting the way they wanted. Men in lab coats poking me with sticks until my "gift" sent something flying at them.

He grinned at my concern. "Do you think the police would believe them?"

I thought about this for a moment. For the first time in years, I wished I could talk to my Dad. Being a Police Chief and knowing of what I was capable of, he could tell me what to do. Most likely, he would hush me up, embarrassed of my unnatural ability to scare off an attacker with my mystical "gift".

"I need Alice," I croaked, holding in a sob.

He sighed, "Come on. We can go to my car, and call her."

When we reached his car, I reluctantly let go of his hand. Immediately, I doubled over, holding my stomach as the clenching ache of fretfulness took hold of me again. Tension traveled up my esophagus, and up my throat and out my mouth in the sound of broken sobs.

"Bella!" Edward leaned down and reached his hand out for me. I couldn't touch him. I needed to re-acclimate myself to this again, and I couldn't do that if he kept touching me then letting me go.

I held my hands up, "Don't touch me!"

"Okay, Bella, let me open the door for you." He said it slow and deliberate, like he was talking to a child or an elderly person.

"Sorry," I mumbled as he opened the door. My body was aching and the adrenaline that had been pumping through my veins was diminishing. I was freezing even though it was in the eighties.

Edward squatted by the car and watched me shake, concern on his face. He pulled out his cell phone and pushed some buttons, then put it against his ear.

"You'll be okay, Bella. After you talk to Alice…Emmett…no…I need to talk to Alice." He stood up and put a hand in his pocket. There was blood on his jeans, probably his own. I felt sick again and a shudder went through my body. What Edward went through to help me was beyond remarkable and I hadn't even thanked him yet.

"Emmett, for fuck's sake just get Alice to come out to my car and make sure Jasper comes with her," he said though gritted teeth. He hung his phone up with a adamant push of a button and he stuffed it back in his pocket. After squatting again, he ran his tongue over the cut in his bottom lip and grimaced a little.

"I'm sorry, Edward." I was disgusted by the sound of my voice; I meant to sound sincere but it came out whiny and feeble.

"Hey, what are you sorry for?" He reached a hand out to touch my face but stopped halfway and let it drop to his knee. I couldn't even be comforted like a normal girl. Fuck my life.

"I just…I just…for…you know."

The half cocked smile that I was growing to adore slowly crept onto his face. Through the dirt and grime and dried blood he was my savior, my light at the end of the tunnel, magic touch or not. He had always been handsome, gorgeous at times, but in that moment as he looked at me with compassion and sorrow, he was beautiful. Perhaps he wouldn't run, perhaps we could continue building the friendship that had bloomed between us so quickly over the past couple of weeks. My history of relationships tells me something different, however. He will run faster than the truth will come out.

**A/N: I'll beat Jake up some more if you leave me some love.**


	9. Chapter 9 Just the way you are

**A/N-Thanks to everyone who is reading :) **

**Disclaimer: SM owns the characters.**

**Chapter song: Transatlanticism by Death Cab For Cutie**

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It had been two long and miserable days since the incident now being referred to as "The alley clash". When Alice reached the car, the look on her face told me she was expecting something completely different. She hugged me and cooed things in my ear that I needed to hear, even before she knew what happened.

She sat down in the car and convinced me that calling the police was the right thing to do.

"Bella, these guys could have killed you!" A tear ran down her cheek and she pulled me into another tight hug. "You have to at least file a report."

So, that's what we did: We called the police, and they arrived five minutes later with sirens blaring and lights flashing. Mentally, I wasn't sure if I could go through it but every time I saw Edward's swollen jaw, I forced myself through it. They took quick interviews from all of us, due to the fact that everyone had been there the day Jake threatened me in the ocean. I told them everything I could think of, omitting the floating glass bottle and rolling trashcan.

Paramedics came and looked over Edward and I, checking our pupils for signs of concussion or trauma. Taking our blood pressures and respiratory rates for signs of internal injuries. I didn't tell them about my knees, even though the throbbing pain traveled down my shins and into my feet.

Luckily, I had no injuries thanks to Edward's prompt arrival.

"They're going to take Edward to the Emergency Room, Bella. I'll take you home," Emmett murmured.

"I want to go, Emmett."

"No, Bella, you need to go home and rest."

"Emmett, I have to go with him." If Edward was seriously injured, I would never forgive myself for putting him in that position. I instantly regretted my mental pleas for help, even if it had nothing to do with Edward bursting through that door into an outnumbered assault.

He turned his head to look at Edward, who was watching me argue with Emmett. The paramedic asked him a question and he pointed at Rosalie, who climbed into the ambulance before they lifted him on. It was rather impressive considering her leather pants had no give to them.

"Rosalie is going and you are going home, Bella."

The detective gave everyone a business card and told them that we'd probably have to come back in and go through another detailed interview.

The gravity of the situation hit me hard as I lay in bed, trying to fall asleep.

Edward came home from the hospital at 6am with bruised ribs, two stitches in his forehead and a killer headache. I was asleep when he came home and he stayed in bed the entire next day, doped up on pain medication.

The next day, Alice went with me to the police station to re-enact "the alley clash" for the detectives. The more I talked about it, the numbness took over my brain so that it was close to describing a horrible movie or a really bad dream. They listened intently, scribbling on a small yellow notepad and giving each other meaningful looks as I finished my interview. They handed me a phone number for a therapist who specializes in rape cases. I thanked them and let Alice walk me to the car, arm in arm, in silence.

Now, two days later, I tried to focus on the future and forget what happened in that alley but it was difficult given the large bruises on my knees. Thank God for the sweatpants and long skirts I had packed otherwise I'd have to go buy some. The bruises covered my whole knee cap and halfway down my shin. Shmexy.

Edward had went down to the police station to give his formal interview and I sat by the front window. I was watching for him and chewing on my fingernails, watching them bleed when I tore into the quick.

"You can trust him, Bella," Alice said, walking up behind me. She sat down next to me and wrapped her arms around my body, resting her head on my shoulder.

"I know," I said softly, "I'm just worried. He hasn't even spoken to me since…"

Alice sighed, "It's only been a couple of days; he'll come around. Imagine seeing what he saw and coming to terms with it."

"That's what I'm afraid of."

I felt the weight of Alice's head lift from my shoulder.

"He cares about you and he's not going to leave." Alice's voice was breaking and I knew what she was thinking.

I turned to face her and tears fell down both of our cheeks.

"How do you know?" I asked.

The sound of car door slamming snapped us from our conversation.

"Go cut him off," Alice suggested. "The swing on the front porch is pretty comfy."

I sighed, "You think?"

"I do."

I raised off the couch and hobbled to the front door just as Emmett was opening it from the outside. I smiled at him, and he smiled in return as he stood in the doorway. He looked tired, and his voice was gentle .

"Hey, Bella! How are you feeling?"

"Better, thanks. Is…er…Edward out there," I asked, trying to look around Emmett's large frame.

"He headed straight for the beach but he shouldn't be out there too long. He just needs to clear his head a little."

_That didn't sound good_.

"Hey! While I have you two together, can I talk to you?" Emmett's normal jubilant self had returned.

I looked at Alice and we both nodded at Emmett.

"Cool! Where's Rose?"

"She's cleaning out the pool," Alice said as she stood from the couch.

"Shit! She asked me to do that yesterday." He rubbed his palms on his thighs for a moment, deep in thought about his forgotten chore list. "Anyways, can we go out front for a minute?"

We followed him out front, and we sat in the white wooden swing that was surrounded by potted flowers and ferns.

"So, I wanted to ask you ladies something important." Emmett suddenly looked extremely nervous, wringing his large hands together and sweat stains forming in his armpits.

"So?" Alice was not a patient person. There was one time at Starbucks when the indecisive lady in front of us couldn't decide between a Mocha something-er-other or a Carmel something-er-other. I was afraid for my safety.

Emmett groaned and reached into the pocket of his shorts, pulling out a black velvet box. He held it tight in his fist for a moment, then reluctantly handed it to Alice.

She opened it up and gasped, "Emmett! This is…"

"Let me see," I whined, leaning over Emmett to see inside the box.

I didn't know much about rings. There are all these different standards you go by like color and size and things like that. All I could tell you just by looking at it is that it was white gold and breath taking. I gasped along with Alice and put my hand to my chest like they do in the corny jeweler commercials. Alice covered her mouth with her hand, and blinked away tears.

"Emmett…" I breathed, "when are you going to ask her?"

"Soon…very soon, but I wanted to get your blessing first, both of you, since asking her Dad would be practically insane.' Rosalie's parents were crude and snobby assholes. They didn't just think their shit didn't stink; they expected everyone to believe that people like them don't even take shits. "It was my Grandmother Audrey's ring; I was her only Grandchild so she left it for me in her will. Is it…I mean…do you think she'll like it or is it too ancient?" Emmett looked everywhere but into our eyes as he asked the difficult question.

I handed the ring back to Alice and without warning, I wrapped my arms around Emmett's neck. He grunted a little but then chuckled into my shoulder.

"First of all, I can't think of anyone more perfect for Rosalie than you. You have my blessing, one hundred percent. Second, the ring is…." I took a deep breath, trying to find the words, "perfect. It's perfect."

His face lit up like a Christmas Tree. "Really? You're not just saying that?"

Tears were pooling in my eyes as I shook my head.

"I'm with Bella, Emmett. You and the ring are perfect," she smiled.

"Thank you, girls. It means the world to me that you approve because you are Rosalie's family. The people who are in this house right now are the people she trusts and loves more than anything in the world." Emmett, the two hundred thirty pound ex-NFL player, was holding back tears.

Alice and myself, overcome with emotions, wrapped our arms around Emmett at the same time. We each let out little sobs of joy and pride as we expressed our acceptance in the form of untamed Estrogen.

"How are you going to propose, Emmett? Do you need help with an idea because I have tons of ideas."

"Hey, I might be a meathead but I can handle a proposal."

I smiled proudly at Emmett, excited for Rosalie and eager about the future.

We released Emmett from our three way embrace and he pumped himself up to go face Rosalie, given the fact that she was cleaning the pool for him. They were both easy to love but I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life with either of them. Each of them would drive me insane for completely different reasons.

A few hours passed, and Edward still hadn't come back from his walk. I knew this because I was obsessively watching the back patio, sunglasses covering my insane wide eyes that darted back and forth like a drug addict. I needed to talk to him, more than I needed sleep or food. I was certain that he had kept my secret, but how he was feeling about it and how long he would keep it: That was the question.

"Bella, Emmett made meatloaf." Rosalie's voice made me yelp, as I was in deep thought about the lab coats and feeding tubes again. I waited for the sound of breaking glass or cracking wood. Nothing. _Phew!_

"You okay?"

I nodded, but didn't vocalize because really, I wasn't okay.

"You coming in?"

After one last look at the worn path of sand between the back patio and the tide, I followed her inside.

Dinner had been made by Emmett, who had taken up a completely different attitude during the meal, riding on his high of feeling the ring box in his pocket. He pulled all of our chairs out for us, even Alice which earned him a suspicious and amused stare from Jasper. Rosalie kept glancing at him sideways, wondering what he had done that would cause him to act like such an gentleman-already assuming the role as a wife, even if she hadn't been proposed to yet. I wondered if she had a feeling it was coming or if it would be a complete surprise.

She always knew she would marry Emmett, it was the way she introduced me to him back in college. "Bella, this is Emmett, future linebacker for the Green Bay Packers and more importantly the man who will beg me to marry him," she said calmly, and Emmett didn't even flinch. It was either the way she always introduced him or he felt the same about her, excluding the linebacker bit.

"Where's Edward? Still outside?" Alice asked, as I found myself staring at Rosalie, thinking about the box in Emmett's pocket, a small smile gracing my lips.

All of our eyes focused on Emmett, who was forking mashed potatoes into his mouth like a robot. He shrugged when he looked up, and grabbed for the salt.

Since the alley, I had felt guilty anytime Edward's pain or discomfort was discussed. I could see everyone chancing glances at me, wanting me to express some sort of emotion in remembrance of that night. As if I could forget; it was only two days ago. I questioned whether they blamed me for what Edward was going through. Blaming myself was inexorable, since his ribs would be fine and his face perfect if I hadn't wandered out into that alley.

_What choice did I have? _I would argue with myself, convincing myself one minute of innocence and the next of guilt. It always came back to the years of seclusion and unnatural order of my life, and the desperate attempt to keep the world from seeing how different I was from everyone else. Living my life, blaming the strange abnormality that had awakened a part of my brain, the part of everyone else's brain that lies dormant, I turned myself into a freak. When a guy asks you to dance and your first response is to puke, there's something wrong. Whether that part of my nature came from my adamant requisite to separate myself from people or the "gift", was possibly never to be found out. It was an awakening for me, among other things to find myself out in that alley, by myself which is how I always seemed to end up.

After dinner, which was fucking fantastic, I was helping Rosalie clean up the kitchen when Edward came through the back door looking exhausted.

"Hey, Edward," Rose held up the remainder of the meatloaf, "I can nuke it if you want."

His eyes shift toward me and for reasons unknown to man, I looked down at my feet. I couldn't bear to see his bruises, even if I hadn't physically put them there.

"Maybe later, thanks though. I'm going up to lay down; pain meds are getting the better of me. " His voice cracked from lack of use, and I scowled at the weakness I heard in it.

After he shuffled out, I felt Rosalie's eyes on me. I turned to her and shot her an expectant look with my hands out, palms up, "What?"

"Have you talked to him since?"

"No," I breathed, "I need to."

"Yes, you do."

I thought about what she said for a few moments, knowing that another night of imagining that conversation would be unbearable. Tossing and turning until my sheets wrap around my legs, forming a tight cocoon, and producing within me a temporary case of Claustrophobia. "Do you think he's hungry?"

"He hasn't eaten all day and if Emmett's meatloaf doesn't break him, nothing will," she smiled.

So, I piled everything on a plate and rushed past the living room where everyone had gathered. I briefly picked up on the conversation as I walked by: Drew Carey versus Bob Barker. Just think, there were six young people with college degrees in this house and that was the stirring conversations we had.

"If Drew hadn't done that funky thing to his hair, I'd be a fan but…man, it looks like shit," Jasper said, probably to Emmett.

"What? He let it grow out?" Alice retorted.

"Oh, hell no! That dude's hair is fucked up!" Emmett drew out the curse word so Alice knew just how serious the hair issue was to him.

"Plus, they don't play Plinko nearly as much."

_That_ was true, and Price As Right had lost me as a fan for just that reason.

I padded up the stairs, and stopped in front of Edward's door. Of course I had to put my ear to it because that's what people in my situation are supposed to do. Unfortunately, it achieved nothing because there was no sounds of movement or electronics coming from behind the door. My next logical step was to knock so that's what I did.

I heard a muffled, "Yeah".

"Uh…it's me, Bella. I brought you some dinner," I said, smiling preposterously as if he could see it.

"No thanks, Bella." And that was it.

I scowled at the door knob, asking it silently if I should just walk in on him. If doorknobs had heads, it would have shook in that moment so I tried again with the talking.

"Can I come in? I…I think we should talk."

It was silent for a few moments, and I felt like sulking down the stairs with my tail between my legs.

"Sure."

After I had gotten the confirmation that it was okay to go in, my legs didn't want to take me there. I had practiced this conversation in my head for the past 48 hours but in that moment, when it actually counted, I couldn't find the words.

"You can come in, Bella," he said, a little louder. I winced because it probably hurt his ribs to talk that loud. _Maybe this wasn't such a good idea_.

Instead of retreating, I found myself turning the doorknob and opening his door. He was lying in bed, on his back with his legs crossed at the ankles, bare feet pointed toward the ceiling. The jeans he wore were faded and torn at the hems, and a plain white t-shirt covered his torso. His arms were crossed behind his head as a makeshift pillow, and he watched me walk slowly toward him, holding the tray of food. His jaw was a yellowish-blue and the cut on his lip was starting to scab over, healing itself. The stitches were poking out of his forehead, reminding me of the stitches I had in my knee when I was ten. _Fucking tree came out of nowhere_.

His floor was cluttered with books and the neat pile of clothing that had sat in the corner was now spread across the floor. His guitar was resting beside his bed, and my fingers twitched to play it. I had missed it, the feel of my fingertips dancing along the tight strings, listening to twangs and strums of the perfect note played. It was hard for me, to play the guitar which explained the fact that I only knew three songs, but I adored it.

I glanced at the plants lined up along the glass patio door and my face contorted. They were so close to death, it was depressing. This was like a morgue for Rosalie's dead plant children.

"Rosalie thinks the sun in this room will bring her little herb garden back to life." Edward rolled his eyes, and cleared his throat. "Some Feng shui shit."

I smiled at him and he smiled back, looking moderately uncomfortable. I hoped it was because of the pain and not my presence.

"If you don't want to…do this now, I understand. I just…"

"No, no, no I do, it's just…I'm pretty loopy from the pain meds. I'm not in the right state of mind to do lots of serious talk right now."

"Oh, okay," I muttered. Did he want me to stay or not, I wasn't sure so I just stood there, holding a tray, passing my weight from one foot to the other. I looked like an idiot.

"You can put that over there on the dresser. The Vicodin makes me feel a little nauseous, so..."

I put the tray down and then stood there, looking at him still unsure. There was a tension in the air, but it wasn't uncomfortable, just filled with unspoken words and questions.

"Lay down with me?" he asked, nodding once toward the bed beside him.

I obeyed and soon enough, I was stiff as a board next to his body that smelled faintly of cologne and sun. We lay there, staring up at the popcorn ceiling waiting for the other to speak. For a moment, I was sure that he had fallen asleep but he moved, scratching an itch on his stomach.

"When I was ten, I was riding my bike and ran into a tree," I blurted out, "six stitches in my knee."

He waited patiently for me to continue, but I wasn't sure where I was going with it so I turned off my verbal filter, and left it up to my brain. I felt like a dummy, sitting on a Ventriloquist's lap having no clue what would come next, letting someone else do the speaking for me.

"My Dad, Charlie, he took me to the emergency room after trying to stop the bleeding himself but couldn't. It bled for hours before he finally loaded me into his truck. I remember him telling me on the way that they were going to fix my knee but I would have to be good. He told me that if I wasn't good, and…things happened, they would take me away." The fear I felt that day as a little girl came rushing through me again as if I were back in that bucket seat of his Chevy.

"He paced back and forth in that little room made out of curtains, cursing under his breath as each half hour passed. The nurses thought it was endearing, a Father concerned about his little girl but in reality, it was his fear of me that panicked him. I thought he was going to have a heart attack when the nurse came at me with the needle." A humorless laugh escaped my lips, as I remember the look on his face as his eyes darted back and forth between me and the nurse. "Charlie didn't like to hug, and he certainly never held my hand…until that day. Before the needle pierced my skin, he grabbed up my hand and squeezed it like he was trying to save himself from drowning."

Edward shifted a little beside me and I worried a little about his comfort, with me pressed up against his side. I turned my head to see his expression and found him staring at me but not in disgust or fear but in wonderment. Like someone who just found out that unicorns exist or Santa Claus is actually real. I didn't know I was crying until I felt the tickle of the tear crawl out of my eye and onto the bed.

"That's when I knew that Charlie would never see me as _someone_ but _something_."

He pressed his lips together and I wiped my eyes with my fingertips, taking deep breaths to gather my emotions.

I had grown so accustomed to his silence that I almost flinched when he spoke. "In that alley…tell me what happened in that alley, Bella."

"I'm not normal, Edward. Something inside my brain is…is…is wired wrong. I can't explain it." I was starting to panic, and I took a few breaths to reel it in.

"With all due respect, that's not what I asked you." His voice was calm and reassuring, his tone speaking volumes of his kindness and trust.

I took a deep breath, and closed my eyes. He didn't know the enormity of the request he was asking of me. The vulnerability that I felt as those emerald green eyes bore into mine, penetrating the force field that controlled my life and my feelings. Alice was the only person I had ever spoken to about this, besides my parents, and we were children. Children see things so much differently than adults. Their minds are like wide open prairies, soaking up information and seeing it as only their uncorrupt little minds could. I wasn't fibbing when I told Edward the reason I became a teacher.

"You can trust me, you know," he whispered as if we were in a room full of people, telling secrets to each other.

I opened my eyes, "I know."

After a few more deep breaths on my part, I turned my face back toward the ceiling. It's so much easier to tell if I can't see his face, look into his eyes.

"Ask me questions," I said to the ceiling.

He hesitated, looking for the right words or the appropriate question.

"How old were you when…you discovered your…um…ability."

I laughed at his politeness.

"From what Charlie has told me, I could do it since I was born. My Mom, Renee, thought our house was being haunted by a Poltergeist for the longest time."

"So, you just imagine it and it happens."

"Oh, I wish," I breathed, "I can't control it, unfortunately. It happens when I get scared or angry, most of the time."

"But you controlled it in the alley, didn't you?"

"For the first time in my life, I controlled it. I don't know how or why but I did."

"It was…amazing."

I turned to him and raised my eyebrows, "Why weren't you freaked out?" I propped myself up on my elbows, "And why aren't you freaked out now?"

He stared at me and licked his lips, "In the alley, I was more relieved than anything. When you started…shaking and asking for Alice, I didn't have time to really think about what had happened. I mean, I knew it was you that did those things but…I don't know…I guess, I was just glad you were okay."

"How did you know it was me? In the alley, doing that? It's logically inconceivable to move things with your brain so being a lawyer…"

"I'm not a lawyer, yet," he interrupted.

"_Almost_ being a lawyer, your logic should tell you that what you just saw must have been some…mind trick or prank, right?"

"You would think," he said, "but I remembered something when I was riding in the ambulance."

I looked at him curiously, and turned on my side to face him, resting my head on my arm. "What?"

"The wine glass that exploded in the kitchen when I scared you that night."

I couldn't help but smirk. "You scared the shit out of me."

"Yeah, well, the wine glass paid for it."

"Ha ha," I deadpanned, "And now? Why aren't you freaked out now?"

He pondered the question for a moment, taking time to investigate the patterns of the ceiling. "I guess it's because I know you and nothing has changed. You're still the same Bella that I've been hanging out with for the past couple of weeks."

My heart twisted in my chest, and tears pooled in my eyes. I tried blinking them away but it was no use, they rolled down my cheeks in a frantic escape.

"Don't cry, Bella." His voice was so soothing, so calm like silk sliding across sandpaper. How had I never noticed his voice?

"I'm okay," I sobbed, "I just…need a second."

I covered my face with the palms of my hands, and let the wetness of my tears soak in between my fingers. I tried calming myself, thinking of when the appropriate time is to fall apart is and this wasn't it. The man lying next to me had just said words to me that I had been dying to hear my whole life, and it wasn't even a struggle for him. They were the same words that I had lectured to myself, and needed desperately to believe but I just couldn't trust my own judgment.

I felt him shift on the bed, and I knew I was making him uncomfortable. Most men do anything to avoid a crying woman: buy her flowers and jewelry, admit to things they didn't do. I peeked through my fingers and he had turned on his side, watching me. Concern etched on his features, and his lips pressed tightly together.

"Can I…can I hold you, Bella?"

I nodded and I felt his arm wrap slowly around my shoulders as he pulled me to him. My face pressed into his chest, but I kept my hands in place unsure of where to put them. When my forehead touched the crook of his neck, my body relaxed and life was suddenly simple. I didn't need food. I didn't need money. This…this feeling was all I needed. If the result of smoking crack felt anything like this, then I completely sympathize with the crack heads. Each time my skin met his, it seemed stronger and more deliberate like my body was formulated to only work properly if he was touching me. He was like a magnet to my broken and battered soul.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly. Reluctantly, I started to pull away from him but he held me there, rubbing my back and breathing into my hair. "Not just from…talking to me, I mean from what happened in that alley."

"I'm getting there but it could have been a lot worse." My voice was muffled from being pressed against my hands. I pulled them away and down to my chest so they were smashed between our bodies.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I should have ran after you. I should have been there before…"

I shook my head, stunned by his apology, "I should be apologizing to you. I'm the reason for your pain and…"

He cut me off, "Bella, I would do it again a thousand times if you were safe in the end."

I couldn't help it, I started crying again.

"Don't you see how amazing you are? How can you believe that you aren't worth a few bruised ribs and a couple stitches?"

I couldn't answer him because I wasn't sure how to. Instead, I wrapped my arm around his torso and pulled myself even tighter to him.

"You said that your Mom left you," he whispered and I nodded against him. "Did she leave because of what you can do?" I nodded again, the change of subject allowing me to pull myself together. My Mom was one thing that I wouldn't allow myself to cry about anymore.

He responded by moving his hand from my back, up my neck and into my hair, cradling my head to his chest like a newborn baby. We laid in silence for a while, just breathing on each other and adjusting to the closeness. I had never been this close to anyone before, except Alice when one of us forfeited ourselves to a nervous breakdown but this was different. His hard chest rose and fell with each breath which was oddly in synch with mine. I could feel his torso through his shirt, barely flexing as his hand continued it's ministrations in my hair. His leg, bent at the knee, coming close to laying directly over mine in a shielding manner, replacing my broken down force field with his own offered protection.

After a while, the stillness became a little awkward, and I shifted away from him groaning remorsefully at the loss of contact. One thing I had learned: It wasn't just his hands that were magic, it was every inch of him. _Geesh. I'm in so much trouble_.

"You don't have to go," he said softly, as he looked down at me. His eyes were heavy, the exhaustion and effects of the medication taking it's toll on him.

"I _should_ go, though. You're tired and I might actually sleep tonight since we talked."

His eyebrows shot up, and his eyelids opened just a little wider. "You haven't been sleeping?"

I shrugged a shoulder, "I was worried about you."

"Why didn't you just…come and see me. We could have talked about this yesterday," he told me, unraveling his hand from my hair.

"I was afraid…of what you would say, plus I thought you were avoiding me."

He pressed his lips together, and breathed out a sigh through his nostrils.

"I've been…"

"I know, I know, drugged up and loopy."

His smirk was like an automatic button for the part of my brain that makes me grin like an idiot.

Without delaying the inevitable much longer, I sat up and climbed out of his bed. His eyelids were heavy, weighed down by the Vicodin and over-exertion of the day. He lay there, on his side, curving toward the empty place where I had just spent an hour crying into his embrace.

"G'Night, Edward," I whispered, grabbing the tray of food carefully and lifting it off the dresser.

I turned around and his eyes had surrendered to the heaviness, his lashes fluttering as if he were already dreaming. I stumbled toward the door, past the assorted piles of clothing and stacks of worn books that littered his floor. The sun set it's red glow throughout his room, bidding it's farewell for the day and I barely heard him whisper as I turned the cold metal of the door knob.

"Night, Bella."


	10. Chapter 10  The Bucket List

**A/N: Everything belongs to SM, blah blah blah. I want to send a word of thanks to Soft Ragoo who has given me heaps of encouragement. If you haven't read her stuff, you should do it now. It's bloody brilliant. Thanks for reading, Everyone!**

**Chapter song: I Found A Reason by Cat Power**

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I have a list of things that I should never do. Cursing in my classroom and dancing in public are at the top, narrowly beating out wearing thong underwear and waxing my own legs. However, running on the beach was zooming toward the top at light speed with each staggering step I took. That shit sucked.

It had been two weeks since "The Alley Clash" and fourteen hours since Jasper hopped on a plane to headed back to Seattle. He had wanted to go back a little over a week ago but what happened in that alley put some fear into him. It wasn't Alice but it could have been, was Jasper's mentality. But now, he had to return: A shipment of booze had been lost somewhere in transport and their DJ had quit without notice.

On the outside, Alice was holding up remarkably well but on the inside lay this fragile casing containing a distressed nuclear bomb. One little thing could set it off and the shell around it would bust into a million little pieces, leaving a broken and withered Alice. That Alice only appeared when she reached her limit, when things around her were falling apart or the people she loved took airplanes far, far away. It wasn't like she didn't know Jasper was just going back to Seattle for a few days, because she did. Jasper was the one constant in her life, the one thing she could hold onto when her world spun out of control. Sure, there was me but I had _always_ been there and my mental health was nothing to brag about. If it weren't for Jasper, neither of us would have made it through our finals week at UW during our senior year. The nervous breakdowns were so customary that we both ate, slept and studied at Jasper's apartment. We were similar to wild animals. Jasper fed us, talked nice to us and backed away quickly when we showed our teeth…and he did it all with a smile on his face.

Running was how Alice kept that little nuclear bomb tightly under wraps. It was a huge stress relief for her, but according to Jane, it wasn't always mentally healthy to go on these runs. Jane was Alice's therapist; she looked a lot like Lily Tomlin and had a hell of a moustache. Per Alice, Jane said that if Alice decides to go on these runs during a highly stressful period, then someone should go with her to keep her from "losing herself". That someone was me.

So, there I was, panting and pushing my out-of-shape slightly jiggling body through mounds and mounds of sand. My arms flung all around me, swatting Alice on occasion.

"Jesus, Bella, I've never heard you make _that_ sound before." I wasn't sure if Alice was making fun or actually concerned. I couldn't see due to the amount of sweat in in my eyes.

"Alice…you're…killing…me!"

She slowed down a little so she was running at my speed. Each time I would pull my right foot out of the sand, I'd whack her on her shoulder with my hand. She seemed oblivious to my struggles, slightly amused even.

"Bella, you didn't have to come with me. I'm fine…really."

I made some sort of strangled grunt noise and that's when the wheezing began. There were many reasons why I was running with her, none of which would come out of my mouth in that moment. If I tried, there would be hell to pay in the form of dry heaving and possibly unconsciousness.

She sighed dramatically as if she were bored. "Oh, okay, we can walk."

Sure, the pity walking and the condescending tone she spoke in was a little hurtful to my pride but I'd pretty much do anything to stop running at that point.

"Just…let me…stop…a moment," I gasped. I bent down, one palm on my knee and the other clutching the stitch in my side.

"You're never going to catch your breath that way."

I mustered up the energy to flip her off and she cocked an eyebrow at me.

Rosalie had loaned me a pair of black spandex Capri running pants and a neon green stretchy tank top. My pony tail had given up on me about a mile ago so long strands of hair clung to my sweaty neck and forehead. Alice's pigtails still looked perfect on each side of her head and…_wait…was that mascara_?

"Please…don't tell me you're wearing make up," I grunted out, finally able to make words.

She stuck her tongue out at me. "Sounds like you've caught your breath. Let's walk."

I groaned but raised myself up and kept pace beside her.

"So, how are you holding up?" I asked.

"I'm fine, Bella. Why does everyone feel like they have to put on their kid gloves with me? Jasper had to deal with some stuff and he'll be back in a couple of days. Big deal!" She was walking faster now, probably to spite me. I tried to conceal my lack of enthusiasm for the quicker pace by doing some strange Lamaze breathing as quietly as I could.

"Even Jasper was being annoying before he left, reassuring me over and over like he didn't think I'd be okay without him. My God! I'm perfectly capable of living without my boyfriend for a few days! I am woman! Hear me roar!"

If laughing wouldn't have disrupted my weird Lamaze breathing, it would have come bursting from me in heaps. _Who says things like that?_

"Okay, Okay, you're fine. No more kid gloves."

We walked in silence for a few minutes, watching the waves roll in and smooth out the sand with each sweep. A group of guys ogled a couple of girls in skimpy bathing suits and a father chased his little girl into the ocean. She smacked right into a wave as big as she was and he caught her before she landed square on her rear.

"Have you called your Dad since you got here?" Alice's tone was careful. It was her turn to try on the kid gloves, and they fit perfectly on her.

"Not yet," I replied, "but I need to."

"Maybe you should call him during the day, when you know he's at work so you can just leave a message. Leave your new phone number on the machine so you don't have to actually suffer through a conversation." Like I said, perfect fit.

"That's a good idea."

"You ready to turn around?" she asked, pausing as she turned to face me.

"Hell yes," I breathed, "but can we slow down. I have to talk to you about something."

She smiled at me sideways and nudged me with her elbow. "Does this have anything to do with Edward?"

I furrowed my brows at her. "Yeah, how did you know?"

She waved me off with a flick of her wrist. "Just…go ahead. Talk to me."

"Well, this is strange…like really strange so…"

"Bella, for fuck's sake, how could your life get any stranger? Seriously."

She had a point. I had been holding back this information for almost a month, waiting for the perfect time to tell her.

"Well, it's about Edward's…skin."

And before she could jump to the wrong conclusion, the whole story spilled out of me like water from a broken dam. The first night when he shook my hand, the feeling that overcame me and every similar touch since. I tried to explain in words the sensation I felt when his skin met mine, but hearing them come out of my mouth seemed almost like blasphemy. There were no words to explain the relief, the intensity, the desire that I felt when he touched my skin. I ended with the single word that had floated through my brain on several occasions since the first time he clasped my hand in his.

"Magic."

"Does Edward know the effect he has on you?" she asked, her face contorting into one of deep thought.

"No, and I'm not going to tell him. I'm already the house freak; there's no reason to make him anymore uncomfortable living with me by telling him about his _magic_ skin. He's practically a lawyer so I'm sure he could find a way around getting my own permission to commit me to a loony bin." As the words left my mouth, I wondered if I should have just kept this my little secret. It did sound crazy, even if this was Alice I was talking to. My Alice; who wouldn't judge or force me to take anti-crazy pills against my will.

Alice pressed her lips together and stopped walking. She regarded me carefully, and I became aware that the kid gloves were still stretched over her hands like well-fitted mittens.

"It's not magic, Bella," she told me, her lips upturned into a small smile. "Edward is your soul mate."

I couldn't help it. I threw my head back and laughed, probably a little too loud as I thought about what she had just told me. _Soul mates? Seriously?_

"I'm serious, Bella. Remember that Philosophy class we took our junior year?"

I rolled my eyes.

"You remember Theosophy?"

Of course I did because Alice wouldn't shut up about it. Theosophy was the splitting of androgynous souls created by God, and the desperate desire for the two parts to reincarnate over and over until they find each other again. Then they fuse back together, and zoom back up to God as one. A bunch of bologna.

"Alice," I whined, "out of all the things we learned in college, why does this stick in your head?"

"Why is it so hard to believe? You, of all people, should have faith in the impossible?" she told me, then broke out in a chorus of "The Impossible Dream". Her arms swept gracefully through the air and she did a little ballet-style twirl in the sand as she sang.

"Okay, okay, enough, 'Man of La Mancha'!" I laughed, cutting into her song. "I don't need an explanation or reason for this whole…thing. I just needed to talk about it."

A big sigh left her mouth and she signaled the continuation of our walk with a nod of her head. "All right, but you know where I stand. If you want to discuss your soul mate, I'm here."

I scowled at her and picked up my pace. "Alice, enough, and not a word of this to Jasper."

She scoffed and crossed her arms over her chest, in spite of the quicker pace of our walk. "He doesn't even know about your weird talent, how could I tell him about the freaky thing Edward does with his skin?"

I ignored her palpable plea and changed the subject. Well, sort of.

"Detective Ludwig called this morning; he told me that they have no proof that it was Jacob Black and his friends in that alley." I stared at my feet, and took deep breaths as I told her. After discovering his picture on the cover of Sports Illustrated at the local grocery store, I took it in and presented it to the Detectives on my case. I told them that this was who had attacked me, and they told me they would look into it. The Miami University coffee mug in his chubby hand told me otherwise.

"What? Is Ludwig the fat one or the short nerdy one?"

I raised my eyebrows in question.

"I'm a visual kind of person, Bella, just work with me."

"Ludwig is the fat one."

"Probably played high school football and is living vicariously through that asshole quarterback," she huffed. "He probably went to talk to that asshole and they sat out on the back deck and drank a beer, rehashing his days as the fucking kicker on his pussy high school football team."

"Wow. That was…deep, Alice," I laughed.

"What can I say? Jasper says it's sexy when I talk about sports so I guess I've learned a few things," she said with a shrug.

"I'll bring it up again when he comes back to Miami so you can repeat that rant in front of him. Get yourself some sexy time."

Her face lit up. "Excellent."

**~~~~AmS~~~~**

When we got back to the house, I spotted Edward out on the beach strumming his guitar. He sat on the edge of a plastic lawn chair, picking at the strings and mumbling something under his breath. It was comical, the way gaggles of girls huddled in groups and took turns watching him, hoping he would look up and like what he saw. It was also laughable how oblivious he seemed to it; or maybe he wasn't. Maybe, he was just used to it.

"You should stay here and talk to him. He looks lonely," Alice mumbled as we approached him.

I shook my head and glared at her. "He looks busy. Alice, if you…" I hissed.

She cut into my threat/warning with a dainty wave and a shout. "Edward! What are you doing out here all by yourself?" Her voice suddenly had a southern drawl to it, much like Scarlett O' Hara.

He looked up, smiling at us and squinting his eyes in the sun. The scab on his lip and swollen jaw had completely vanished; the cut above his eye was only a faint reminder of what he went through in that alley. His auburn tipped hair was windblown from an undetectable current of air, and the stubble on his face was a few days old. A short sleeved red plaid shirt hung loosely over a pair of cut off khaki shorts and bare feet. His smile was always genuine, never lacking the sense of comfort that made smiles purposeful. If Alice was right about his role in my life, then I was a lucky girl. As absurd as it was, I found myself silently praying for that Theosophy crap to have a ring of truth about it.

I noticed new things about Edward Masen since I had curled up beside him on his bed that night. The night he held me close enough to his chest that I could almost hear his heart beating. The night he rubbed my back as I spread snot and tears into his cotton shirt. The night he did something that few others had done: Accepted me for who I was and not what I was. I became aware of Edward through different eyes that night. I noticed the way he said "Excuse me" after he sneezed, the way he played with his left earlobe when he was deep in thought, and the small tuft of dark chest hair that rose out of his v-neck t-shirts. Edward was like no one else I had ever met but then again, I had never really given many people the chance to get to know me; terrified into being a social pariah by my own hand.

"Hey, ladies, have a good run?" He grinned smugly at me, knowing that I'd rather stick hot pokers in my eyes and contract herpes than go for a run. Especially in fucking sand.

"Sure did," Alice squeaked, "but I thought I'd go in and do some weight training in Emmett's gym."

This was news. Not that Alice was lifting weights but that Emmett had a gym.

"Bella? You want to come?" Her self-satisfied smile graced over her lips as she stared at me, waiting for my answer.

I blinked at her as I considered my options. Choose to sit here with Edward, soaking up the suns rays and listening to the most beautiful sound in the world (the ocean) or go do more meaningless sweaty work.

"Anyone sitting there?" I asked Edward, pointing to the empty lawn chair beside him.

He smiled and waved his hand over it as an offering.

"Okay, then," Alice said and trotted off into the sand toward the house.

I groaned as I flunked down in the lawn chair, the plastic squeaking underneath me.

"I think I need a cigarette."

Edward laughed and offered me his beer instead. I took a swig and was reminded just how much I hate the shit, but took another swig anyway.

"So, are you able to move at all?" he asked.

I wiggled my pinky a little. "That's about it. I think I'll sleep out here, under the stars. I've always wanted to do that."

"It's supposed to rain tonight." There was Edward, all logic and thinking things through.

I tried to shrug my shoulder but my head fell sideways instead. "I won't have to shower tomorrow."

"Hmm. Is that the thing highest on your list, then? Sleeping outside under the stars?" he asked.

"My list?"

"Yeah, your bucket list."

I managed an eyebrow raise. "I don't think I have a bucket list but if I did, sleeping under the stars would be in the top five."

"But not number one?"

"You know this is starting to creep me out, this whole bucket list thing. Do you know something about Telekinesis that I don't? Is it some sort of brain tumor?" I wasn't actually worried, but he didn't know that. There wasn't a sentence of research that I hadn't found on Telekinesis. Internet, books, research papers from the sixties; I'd read it all and nothing gave me any answers.

"No, no, no…nothing like that but everyone should have a bucket list. I think it should be part of your senior year in high school, you know to give yourself goals," he answered, taking his finger and gliding it once across his guitar strings. For unknown reasons the sound of it made me shiver with excitement. _Did I miss my guitar that much? Jesus_.

"So you have one?" I asked.

He nodded, the corner of his mouth pulling up into a smirk.

"Okay, then what's your top five?"

He turned his attention toward the waves that found their way to the shore, and his fingers found his left earlobe for a moment. Then he turned back to me and sighed, his emerald eyes finding mine as if searching for something.

"We'll take turns, then. I'll give you one and you give me one."

I nodded. "That's fair. You first."

He adjusted himself in his chair and the plastic squeaked beneath him.

"All right, number five is go to Scotland. It's where my ancestors are from," he smiled thoughtfully. "Your turn."

"Give somebody a wedgie with my brain."

He threw his head back and barked out a laugh. "That's every twelve year old boy's dream."

I crossed my arms over my chest with the energy the two swigs of beer gave me. "You can't make fun. If you make fun, I'm not playing."

The laughter died down slowly and he held his hand up. "Okay, I promise, no more laughing. Number four is good old fashioned skydiving."

"Hmm…for number four, it's sleeping under the stars on the beach."

He smiled, "Number three is to read the entire works of Shakespeare."

I swiveled my head from side to side, "Been there, done that."

"Hey, if I can't laugh then you can't brag."

I giggled at him, "Okay, no more bragging."

"Number three?"

I sighed, "My number three would be…find out what happened to my Mom."

His features turned suddenly serious and I felt like I had ruined the conversation. I didn't want him to think that my Mother had any sort of emotional impact on my life. She was gone and whether she was alive or dead was something I wanted to know regardless of what I felt for her.

"Number two?" I asked him, and he seemed to relax a little.

"My number two is to find the girl of my dreams and kiss her senseless," he grinned.

I wasn't sure why but I caught myself blushing, and suddenly chewing on my fingernails seemed vital at the moment. He took me by surprise by his number two, and I wasn't sure if I thought it was sweet or seductive or both. My breath caught in my throat and there was a nervous giggle forming in my voice box, banging at my diaphragm to let it out. I cleared my throat instead, and tore off a hangnail with my teeth.

"Your number two?"

I coughed again, trying to focus on my answer but everything in my brain kept going back to his number two. My brain took a turn for the worst when I visualized him kissing some faceless girl senseless, his hand locked on the back of her head and his lips moving perfectly in synch with hers. The scruff of his beard would just barely brush against her chin and the warmth of his breath would absorb into her skin, like it was giving her life.

"Bella? Are you okay? You look a little pale." He was leaning forward, trying to find a place to put his guitar without placing in the sand. "Do you need some water?"

Then came the giggles, the giggles that had been bouncing around in my stomach for the past 90 seconds. The giggles that offset my normal anxiety, and made me feel like I had a belly full of carbonated water. I couldn't stop, and there was no end in sight so Edward just stared at me, baffled, until my giggles turned into coughs and my coughs turned into deep breathy sighs.

"You okay?" he asked. His smile was not one of humor but one you would give to the little old lady who lives next door and owns ten too many cats.

"I'm fine, sorry. Where were we? Oh yeah, my number two, right?"

He nodded and he sat back in his chair slowly, and the squeaky plastic protested loudly.

"My number two is to sing karaoke in public."

His eyebrows did a weird sort of dance but ended almost at his hairline.

"Really?" I think I was surprised as he was, considering I had never really given karaoke much thought. Now that I mentioned it though, it did sound like something I'd want to accomplish.

"Yep. Karaoke."

"Hmmm."

We sat without speaking, listening to the ocean and the distant squawk of the seagulls nearby fighting over leftover picnic food. Digesting the image of myself performing karaoke required that sort of earthly music, it seemed, because neither one of us had wanted to move to our number ones.

"Your turn," I said, "so let's hear it: Your number one."

He sighed and opened his mouth to speak but the sound of a phone ringing interrupted him. Momentarily, he closed his eyes and his expression was pained.

"Sorry," he said and pulled his phone out of his back pocket, "Hello?"

I made a move to get up, to give him some privacy but he held his hand up to stop me. He shook his head and mouthed to me that it was okay, so I sat back down. It gave me time to think of a number one, something that would beat the wedgie and karaoke. There was the whole orgasm by somebody else's fingers, which in my books is a guaranteed number one but I didn't have the guts to actually say that out loud. Maybe, I'd say…train a dog or get my Masters. Yeah, that was it…getting my Masters was definitely worthy of number one. The orgasm thing could be my number six…nobody ever asks about number six.

"Yeah…I know, Carlisle, but she is lucid enough to understand how important it is. Do you need me to talk to her?"

Hmmm…who is "she" and what is she "lucid enough to understand"?

I was starting to feel awkward, just sitting there so I pulled off my tennis shoes and peeled off my sweaty socks while he was talking. _Eww…sock lint. Gross_. I buried my feet in the sand to cover up the sock lint because picking it off just wasn't an option.

"If you need me to come home, I will. I don't…it's okay…Carlisle, just tell her that….okay…"

This Carlisle person must have been a talker because Edward didn't say another word for at least a minute. He rested his elbow on the lawn chair armrest and rubbed his forehead with his fingers as he listened.

"Christ, Carlisle, I'm trying here! I'm doing what you wanted me to do so…"

Chatty Carlisle resumed his lecture, and Edward let out an audible sigh meant for Carlisle's ear.

"Okay…okay…just let me know what happens…all right…tell her I love her."

_Wait, what? _

He snapped the phone shut and continued massaging his forehead with his fingers. His body language had shifted from relaxed to tense and confrontational. It was making my stomach hurt, and I didn't want to be out here but I couldn't leave him by himself to dwell on the phone call. He had asked me to stay and that's what I would do.

Minutes ticked by, and I had chewed all my hangnails off and pulled my hair back into a decent looking ponytail at least five times. Edward was staring into the distance, too broody to even run his finger over his ear. The hand that gripped his guitar was turning white, and his knee shook up and down from annoyance.

I would have to say something, and choosing the right words at this point were crucial.

"I'd like to have a male induced orgasm." _Wait, what? _Did I just say that or was it something I was just thinking about saying and it sounded a little real because it had surfaced recently in my own brain.

Edward turned sharply toward me, his eyes wide and mouth slightly open. Nope, I'm pretty sure I had said it out loud. If only I had just said, "My number one would be to get my master's degree" or "I'd love to get a puppy and train it all on my own", life would be a whole fucking lot better. I couldn't imagine this turning out well.

"Pardon?" His request for me to repeat myself confirmed my blurt.

"Uh…I'd like to get my Master's degree…as my number one." I could feel my face heating up, turning into the bright red tomato that it deserved to be.

The corners of his mouth twitched. "That's not what you said."

"What do you think I said?" I shifted uncomfortably and the chair squeaked. My face was burning so hot, it was like an inferno and a bead of sweat dripped down my cheek.

Now he was definitely smirking, the softness in his eyes had returned and he no longer held the guitar like he was going to smash it into a million pieces.

"You said that you wanted to have a male induced orgasm."

I opened my mouth and feigned offense. "I never…" was all I could get out.

"Bella, obviously I heard you so don't pretend to be all innocent."

My mouth snapped shut and I was at a loss for words. There wasn't much to do except confess…or keep my mouth closed.

"You've…never? I mean…how many guys have you…" He ran a hand through his hair, and let out a groan of frustration.

"I'm sorry, that was an inappropriate question," he mumbled, focusing again on the waves.

I laughed humorlessly, and shifted in my seat. "I'm the one who blurted out that…well, you know…and the answer to your question is one."

He turned his face to me, the recognition of who the "one" was, was all over his face. Mike Newton. He looked angry and then sad as his thoughts went back on our conversation that happened on this same beach just a few weeks ago. It seemed like years had passed between that night and this day. Suddenly, it hit me that my time in Miami was half over.

I looked away, focusing on the feel of the sand on my bare feet instead of the sadness in his face. Mike Newton was in the same category as my Mother now, long forgotten and not worth the tears. I couldn't even look back at Edward when he spoke again, afraid of the emotions my face would divulge.

"My number one," Edward muttered, "is to marry the girl from my number two."


	11. Chapter 11 Be Here Now

**_A/N: SM owns it all. Thank you to all who are reading!_**

**_Chapter song: "By Your Side" by Sade/ "The Galway Girl" by Steve Earle_**

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_There's nothing like waking up at 3am to the sound of a blood curdling scream. Having just trounced my nightmares as a result of The Alley Clash, the scream did nothing good for my nerves. In fact, as I shot up in bed at a right angle, my hand moved to cover my furiously beating heart; but before it reached my chest, a crack ran down the large panel window in my room. _

"_Shit!" I hissed._

_Then my bedroom door flung open and as my blood pumped faster, the crack in the window spread into the form of a cross. The shadowed form of Edward raced into my room, with his wide eyes staring intently at my face._

"_Are you okay?"_

_I took me a moment to think about what he was asking me and I had almost forgotten what had woken me up in the first place. _

_Edward must have sensed my drowsy confusion because he formed his question differently this time. "Was that you that screamed?"_

"_No, that was Rosalie," I told him. "The woman has lungs like a Sumo Wrestler."_

_His eyes looked over me a few times, still panicked almost as if he thought I was lying. I turned my gaze to the cracks in the window and his eyes followed. Our eyes met again and he almost looked amused._

"_Sorry," he said. _

_Then I noticed that he was in his underwear. It was hard to see, there were no lights on but the moon was full that night and it's white glow crept through my bedroom window like a spotlight on Edward's boxer briefs. They were black and my face turned bright red, a smile fighting at my face. Holy Mother of Heaven, he was gorgeous. How had I not realized how gorgeous he was?_

He followed my gaze once again which was focused on said boxer briefs. I have no shame.

"Uh…" he stuttered.

Then another scream and we were brought back to the reality of the situation.

"What the hell?" I thumped out of bed with about as much grace as a walrus out of water. I made sure my tank top and flannel pants were on straight as I headed past Edward and toward the hall. "Do you think she's okay?"

Edward followed me down the hall; I could feel his body heat against my back as we crept in the dark toward Rose and Emmett's room. When we reached the door, I put my ear to it, listening for any signs of life. The light was on but there was no shadows of movement coming from beneath the door. I was sure Rosalie had to work the next morning, so there had to be something going on that woke her up.

"Maybe she had a bad dream," Edward whispered as he moved past me to the door.

"What going on?" Alice yawned, her feet thumping against the floor. She rubbed her eyes, and black mascara smudges surrounded them. "Was that Rosalie?"

"I think so," I whispered. "Do you think we should knock?"

Alice flipped the light switch on in the hallway, nonchalantly as if there were no chance that someone outside our circle had caused Rosalie to screech.

"Yeah, just knock on the damn door." She flicked her wrist at Edward, giving him the go-ahead. She looked down and her eyes widened a little, "Are you in your underwear?"

He didn't answer her; instead he knocked three times on the wooden door, the soft echo bouncing off the plaster walls of the silent hallway.

"Yeah?" Rosalie's voice was strained, and I didn't want to think about why. She was either being murdered or doing something pertaining to Emmett's penis. Either option was nauseating.

"Uh…are you okay? We heard you scream?" Edward asked through the door.

Edward was playing big man detective; meanwhile Alice was studying his rear.

She mouthed the words "Nice ass" to me as she pointed to it with two fingers, one from each hand. I waved her off, and returned her silent conversations with a "Stop it, Perv!" Apparently, my message either wasn't clear or Alice didn't care because she proceeded to pretend to slap it, dirty cowgirl style.

Something fierce swept through my body; a tense anger that gave the compulsion to tackle Alice. At first, I thought the feeling was pure justice: It wasn't right for her to do things like that without Edward's awareness, however I remembered doing something similar to Jasper when the three of us stood in line at the grocery store. The fierce emotion, causing my hands to shake and my teeth to grind, was unfamiliar but recognizable. Protectiveness, jealousy, possessiveness were all wrapped up into one gut-wrenching reaction. I was falling for Edward Masen.

For safety measures, I placed a hand on Edward's bare back so that things couldn't get ugly. I grabbed at her hands and quietly hissed, "Stop it!"

Her blue eyes widened at my intensity and then the smallest smile melted onto her mouth. That's when I knew that she knew what I was feeling in that moment. I shook my head but it was too late…the bitch had me.

The door to their room was flung open and shut quickly behind Rose, who was wearing some hot pink silk robe thing with fur cuffs. Edward backed away, and Alice and I froze, caught in the middle of a cat fight. One of my hands was wrapped around Alice's wrist and the other was in mid-air where Edward's bare back had been.

"What the hell, guys? Can't a girl have a private moment with her fiancé without all of you…"

Alice didn't let her finish because she started squealing like a stuck pig. Her hands fanning her face, trying to keep tears from pooling. Both of us hugged Rose quickly, and shouted our well wishes through the door to Emmett. He replied with a grunt and a shout to Rose to "hurry the fuck up".

Rose hugged Alice again, and turned to me with raised eyebrows.

"Cold, Bella?"

I was slow on the intake from the lack of sleep and overindulgence of the past ten minutes' excitement because I actually thought she was concerned about my comfort.

"Not really," I said with confusion on my face.

She leaned in, the side of her mouth curling into a wicked grin. "Well, then you must be really fucking horny."

Before that information could be processed, Rose slammed the door in my face and Edward was stomping off to his room, muttering curse words. I looked down and the girls were at full attention, and I swear my left nipple was pointing in the direction where Edward just stood. _Damn! Was he offended? Guys don't get offended over nipples, right? No, they get….oh! _

Alice slapped my ass with a "WHACK!"; I spun around but she was already halfway down the hallway, skipping to her room.

Ten minutes, a drink of water and a rather long pee later I was back in bed, tossing and turning. I was thinking of Rose and Emmett, and the long road that lay ahead of them. Disapproving parents and the rather sudden turn in direction that Emmett's career had taken would prove a difficult path but I had faith in them. Their relationship was odd, but fruitful. It wasn't based on how many dozens of flowers that Rose had received or how many meals she cooked for Emmett a week. It was about give and take, love and acceptance. Neither of them were perfect but they were perfect for each other.

I sighed, wondering when I became so philosophical when it came to love. Probably because suddenly I was feeling the high of crushing on someone who I just happened to be temporarily living with. I didn't have any experience with relationships, especially if you discount Mike Newton. It wasn't because I didn't want to or that I didn't have hormonal urges because I did; just ask my shower head. I thought about naming it and buying it chocolates for Valentines day. I just never met anyone who I knew would accept me and my gift. Also, I had never met anyone who I felt would be worth it…until now.

But this…this new and wonderful and refreshing emotion was addictive. I could feel myself becoming obsessed with it, reveling in the tingling in my tummy and the unnatural impulse to giggle at absolutely nothing. It was so obvious to me, so clear that I couldn't imagine living this close to him without feeling it; but I had done it for four weeks. Four weeks of conversation, four weeks of seeing him shirtless and sweaty on the beaches of Miami, and one moment of him selflessly risking his neck to save mine. This man was unbelievable, and I didn't really see _him_ until tonight.

I rose in my bed, the anxiety tripled in my system. Those phone calls. Who was it that he was so worried about? Who was it that he sent his love to when speaking to this Carlisle man. I gasped out loud when a thought struck me like a knife in the heart.

_What if he's married?_

Maybe Carlisle is a marriage counselor and he is in Miami for some space. _Of course._ Why in the hell would a man like Edward be single? I asked him on the beach if he was talking to his girlfriend on the phone and he said "I wish". Maybe, he's wishing himself back to those days before he was married, before the marital troubles.

I lay back down, trying to replay the conversation he had on the phone earlier that day but it was useless. All I could picture was my gross sock lint and the way his knuckles whitened around his guitar.

I sighed. _His guitar. I bet his voice is killer. _Like sex riding on vocal chords. I sighed again at the thought of sex. The one time I had experienced it, unpleasant was an understatement. Not only the conversation afterward but the pain and discomfort during it as well; not to mention the things my brain broke. _It could only get better, right?_

Without warning, my hand skidded along my belly and slid underneath the elastic of my pants. My legs spread and one knee bent, allowing myself easy access to the promised land. I moaned, picturing Edward's jaw, Edward's lips, Edward's…

"Bella?" It was just a whisper, and for a moment I thought my imagination had went into overdrive but then he knocked softly, three times.

My eyes flew open and my fingers stilled, hesitant to answer him but physically unable to resist.

"You can come in," I said softly.

He opened the door and peeked in; the moonlight accenting his sharp jaw line and disorderly head of hair. The door moaned as he opened it and shut it behind him, and he crept slowly to the side of my bed. I frowned at the white t-shirt and pajama pants that covered the black boxer briefs that I had just been picturing in my head.

_Take your hand off your pussy, Bella!_

I whipped my hand out of my pants quickly and sat up in bed flustered and breathing a little funny. Edward sat on the edge of my bed, and watched me until I grew self-conscious.

"What?" I asked.

I couldn't make out the exact expression on his face but he shifted his weight, and the bed squeaked. A small amount of panic flushed through me, wondering if he somehow knew what I had been doing before he opened the door. Was I making any noise? God, I hope not. Perhaps a stray moan traveled through the thin wooden door that separated us. In spite of the lack of proof that I had been caught in the act, I felt my face heat up in a blush.

"You're beautiful, you know that?"

It wasn't a question but a statement, however I felt it was necessary to answer him with a bark of laughter. I even threw my head back, and considered slapping my knee for effect. My insides, though, oh, my insides were exploding with this new information but I cautioned myself; too mistrustful of any man who utters those words. I'd heard them before, and it didn't end well. I trusted Edward, but there was always the little voice in the back of my brain. I had to figure out if it was the angel or devil shouting the admonition.

"You don't believe me?"

"What would you say to that, Edward? What would _you_ say if I told _you_ the same thing?" I replied.

"If I were you, hearing it from me or if you said that to me, and I was myself?"

It was too late…or early…whatever for my brain to make any sense of that statement so I just blinked at him.

"If you said that to me?" he asked and I nodded once. He paused before answering, "I'd say, 'Why, thank you, Bella. I do believe that compliment earns you some sort of prize. Say, perhaps, a date'."

Some strangled sound came from somewhere in the room. It sounded a little like the psycho girl from those "Ring" movies and I half expected to see her climb out of the television in my room, all hairy and twitchy. I was two seconds away from jumping on Edward's lap, and clinging to him like a monkey when I realized that horrible noise was coming from me.

Edward's panic was obvious, even in the moonlight. I was sure that psychotic noise wasn't a good sign from his perspective, little did he know that was just me…mulling it over.

"Uh…I didn't…I mean…" He rubbed his palms on his thighs, creating sparks of static electricity on the flannel pants he was wearing. "I didn't mean for that to…I didn't want to ask you like that but the situation just sort of…presented itself."

"So, you're really asking me out? On a date?"

"That depends," he breathed.

"On?"

"Your answer."

The smile that grew on my lips was not forced, in fact I had to control the measure of it a great deal.

"Yes, my answer is yes." My smile turned into a frown as soon as my thoughts from earlier re-entered my brain. "Unless…erm…unless you're already involved with someone."

I could make out the immediate ascension of his eyebrows as I posed the question.

"No, I'm not but what would make you ask? I'm not that kind of guy, Bella."

Great. He was offended.

"It's just those phone calls that you get, especially the one on the beach when I was sitting with you. Here, come lie down with me." I scooted over and patted the mattress beside me. His hesitation spoke volumes about the current subject matter but eventually he climbed into bed, both of us on our backs and our sides touching. I let my arm graze his bare forearm just to torture myself.

When we were settled, both of us stared up at the popcorn ceiling similar to what we had done that night in his room. The room was so silent, our out-of-synch breathing was eerily similar to an orchestra complete with the rumbling of my stomach grumbling into the darkness.

"You don't have to tell me," I told him, "who you are talking to or what it's about. I just need to know that you are not attached to someone in Chicago."

He sighed, his reply mirrored his exhaustion. "Not in that way, Bella."

"What does that even mean, Edward? You're attached to someone but you're not…what? Screwing them? Married to them? What?"

I looked at him to gauge his reaction, his body remarkably relaxed in spite of the subject matter. He looked defeated.

"I really don't want to talk about this tonight." He was practically whining, and I immediately felt regretful that I had pressed him about it.

"I'm sorry; it's just that I'm scared. I trust you, I do; but how do I know that what you want is the same thing that I want. How do I…"

He shifted on the bed, and I anticipated his retreat: Running for the hills. Instead, he faced me and gently cupped my face in his palm. I could see his eyes, intense and doing that "searching my soul" thing. I let out a stuttered breath as his thumb grazed over the soft skin under my eye and over my cheek bone. There was so much going on in my brain and through my body that I expected some kind of explosion or consequence.

The next few moments were sort of a blur. One second, he's soul searching and the next, his lips were on mine. I froze, unable to get the neurons in my brain to fire at a realistic speed and he slowly pulled away from me.

The loss of something I never really had made something inside me click. The primitive beast within me had taken over. I moved my hand into his hair, and tugged him back toward me sending his lips crashing into mine in an aggressive manner. His hand moved from my cheek to the back of my head, ending it's journey on the nape of my neck. He pulled me to him gently, his lips pulling and tugging at mine. He tasted like mint and he smelled like ocean and man and something earthy. Oh my. Oh Lord. Sweet Mother of…

I moaned as his tongue swept across my upper lip, and then he tugged on my bottom lip with his teeth. I scraped my nails against his scalp and he mother fucking groaned. I recorded that groan for future reference because it was the sexiest noise I had ever heard. When I threw my leg over his hip, my lack of shame and self respect diminishing as I fought to control this foreign carnal longing that took over any rational thoughts still floating through my shell-shocked brain.

It was hot. I thought that I was sweating but instead a shiver ran up my body as his lips continued to fight and tug and dance with mine. It was like he was made to kiss. Whether it was a natural talent or he had serious practice, I didn't care nor did I think on it too long. I should have been embarrassed; the noises that I was making, the way I dug my heel into the back of his thigh to bring his body closer to mine but I couldn't resist. Luckily, I _was_ able to control the gyrating that my hips were twitching for. For now, anyways.

A flood of emotions ran through me; a sob was building in my throat and giggles in my belly. I thought for a moment that I had died, my spirit surrendering it's capsule and ascending toward the heavens. It was the only explanation for this lovely and incredible feeling. Surely, it wasn't like this every time Edward kissed someone and it definitely wasn't like this with anyone I had kissed. This was intense and liberating. A religious experience.

He pulled away slowly, leaving me with one last soft kiss. I couldn't move. He couldn't really expect me to move. I could sleep like this. I could live like this.

"Bella…"

Reluctantly, I opened my eyes to see him looking at me, looking into me almost as if I didn't have to speak. He detached his hand from my hair and gingerly laid it on the knee that hitched over his hip. I scowled internally at my long flannel pants, wishing a fiery death upon them. His hand on my bare knee…my hips jerked a millimeter at the thought.

"Oh, sorry…" I stuttered, but when I tried to move my leg, I felt the resistance of his hand.

"It's okay…you don't have to move. In fact, I find that I like the feeling of one of your legs wrapped around me," he smirked.

I let out a laugh/moan, and released my own grasp from his hair. We spent the next few minutes catching our breath and grinning at each other like fools.

"We should get some sleep," he yawned.

I replied by digging my heel into the back of his thigh just a little. He chuckled and his hand moved from my knee to my hip. His fingers curled into me, pulling me closer.

"Sleep is overrated," he sighed, closing his eyes and nuzzling into my pillow. I followed suit and dreams came soon after.

I dreamt that I was walking in the woods, surrounded by large Oak trees and gorgeous green ivy. Flowers were blooming, birds were singing and butterflies danced through the air above me. It was beautiful but I could sense the impending danger that lie beneath the splendor. Things that appear peaceful rear their ugly heads in due time. As I walked, the sun grew hotter on my back and I looked down only to see that I was naked. The sound of laughter filled the air and the trees had turned into a faceless crowd. I turned to run, vulnerable and ashamed, but the strong green ivy, that I had just been grinning at moments before, wound around my ankles. I fell with a thud and twisted onto my back, fighting with the growing ivy that had now wrapped onto my legs.

Before long I was trapped to the ground, my body bound to the earth. Naked and susceptible, the crowd gathered around me. Indistinct murmurs and continuous guffaws replaced the song of the chirping birds.

Then the ivy became increasingly warm, groaning as it embraced my torso. It sighed my name, it's voice smooth and tender, soothing me.

My eyes flew open and my mind extracted itself from the dream but the ivy was still snuggly wrapped around me. However, the green had turned into a soft brown and the vines were in the form of a leg and wonderfully shaped arm. I looked over at him and he was still sleeping, a small smile on his lips. I couldn't help but feel a little smug, wondering if the body he was holding onto had anything to do with the expression.

I could have stayed like that forever if it weren't for my bladder. I have great skill in the art of pee-holding but when there's a leg lying atop your bladder, all skill flies out the window. After some wiggling and some nice "pull the tablecloth out from underneath the dishes" moves, I pee-danced to the bathroom. After I took care of business, I quietly opened the door to find him sitting on the edge of the bed, running a hand through his hair. Please, Lord, don't let that be a sign of regret.

"Hey," I croaked.

"Hey," he grinned. "Sorry I…I hope that was okay." He gestured toward the bed.

My eyes grew a little wider and I fought to control the crazy laughter that bubbled in my belly. He was afraid that I was upset that he was still here, in my bed, smothering me with his body.

"It's…great." I cringed at my response. Coffee was a necessity for early morning conversation that involved any sort of thought processing.

He rose and his hand went through his hair again. It was awkward, and awkward was bad, especially between Edward and I who had been awkward-free until last night. Until we kissed…oh, the kiss. I could still feel those lips, that hand on my neck pulling me nearer, the hand on my…

His voice snapped me out of my reverie.

"So, I guess I'll just be.." he trailed off, pointing toward the door.

I stopped him with a jolt, a hand on his arm. I closed my eyes momentarily to let his magic, the healing, wash through me. When I opened them, he was watching me curiously. I pulled him to me; my hand fisted into his white t-shirt so he had no choice but to kiss me. His arm snaked around my waist, and drew me against him. My breasts pressed into his torso, and I could feel his chest moving with his erratic and unsteady breath.

When I pulled away, he watched my tongue as it traveled over my lips. His mouth pulled up into a smirk, and he cocked an eyebrow.

"So about that date," he grinned.

Half an hour later, I was fresh out of the shower and unable to make the excitable grin on my face fade away. I padded down the steps and was met with Emmett's booming voice as I walked into the kitchen. Edward was standing by the counter, pouring coffee into two cups.

"Hey, Sunshine! You look well rested!" Emmett yelled at me.

I smiled in response and Edward handed me a mug of coffee.

"Cream, no sugar, right?"

Dear God, he knew how I took my coffee. My heart swelled and my smile grew as I nodded. He ran his finger tips across my forehead as he tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. I sucked in a slow breath and Edward grinned down at me. We had forgotten that we weren't alone in the kitchen.

"Huh." Emmett was watching us with amusement on his face and his arms crossed over his chest.

"About fucking time," he quipped. "I thought it would take forever to get Bella laid."

Just like that, the moment was shattered. I groaned in embarrassment and Edward called Emmett a slur of colorful names, ending with "fucking asshat."

"So, where is the future Mrs. McCarty?" I asked, digging into my cereal.

"Work," he said, matter-of-factly.

I raised my brows and looked at him. "I figured she'd call in sick."

"You know Rose, Bella, there's no way she'd wait until tomorrow to spill the beans; especially when there's jewelry involved. Plus, who wouldn't be excited to spread the news that you're going to be _my_ future wife?"

He scratched his chest with both hands and let out a loud belch.

"Indeed, Emmett, indeed," I mumbled.

"Where's Alice?" Edward asked, taking a bite of toast.

"Running," Emmett answered.

"Shit!" I spit out a fruit loop as I said it and it landed in front of Emmett. "I should be with her!"

"Actually, she knew you'd say that so she practically snuck out of the house. She was like a little Ninja, crouching around corners and tip-toeing out the door." He laughed at the memory, and let out another belch, this one being silent. "You must be a slow ass runner if she went through all that trouble to keep you from tagging along."

I flipped him off even though it was true.

"How long has she been gone?"

"An hour or so." Emmett looked confused as he watched me hold in my panic. No one else was aware of Alice's issues, that I knew of. "You can run down on my treadmill if you're worried about running outside by yourself. I'd run with you but I got myself a job interview this morning."

He puffed out his chest and smiled proudly.

"Where at?" Edward looked at Emmett hopefully, knowing the heavy load that his friend carried on his shoulders.

"Westland High School is looking for a football coach."

"Nice! You'd be perfect for that!" I said, excitedly.

"I wouldn't be making millions a year but I think it would be fun," he grinned.

Edward waved his hand at him and grinned. "Who needs millions, right?"

"That's right, dude." Emmett's smile didn't reach his eyes and something told me that he was thinking of his fiance. Rosalie was a down to earth girl but she had never struggled in the financial department. His concern for her comfort was understandable, but Rosalie was full of surprises.

"Does Jasper know about the big news? You two will be brothers, now." Edward grinned.

"Yeah," Emmett laughed, "I actually asked Jasper for his blessing since going to her actual Father was out of the question." He smirked at me, since he had done the same thing with Alice and I.

"That's so sad," Edward said, shaking his head. "What do you think they'll say when they find out?"

Emmett sighed, and his shoulders slumped dramatically. "The usual crap. She's heard it a million times but…this is different. I don't know if she'll be able to brush them off this time."

It made me afraid for Alice, even though I knew Jasper's parents cared a lot more about who Rosalie was involved with than Jasper. As long as Jasper's wife could pop out children to carry on the Hale name, it didn't matter. Rose was their perfect trophy daughter who was their hope of merging the Hale gene with something just as "superior". If it were up to them, they'd auction off Rosalie's future to the bachelor with the wealthiest family, complete with a dowry and bottle of Dom Perignon. They may accept the fact that Alice may be with Jasper, but they sure as hell wouldn't make it easy on her. Luckily, she had only been in contact with them a handful of times and it was for short periods of time. That was fine for now, but in time, I had a feeling Mrs. Hale will be getting a little more than curious about Jasper's girlfriend.

Speaking of said girlfriend, Alice huffed into the kitchen red faced and perspiring.

"Thanks for waiting for me, Alice." With the lack of sleep and dream-like state my brain was in, a morning run probably would have killed me but I would have went.

She stuck her tongue out at me. "I actually needed a workout today, Bella."

"Ouch."

"Jasper will be home tomorrow, right, Alice?" Emmett asked, getting off his stool and stretching his arms over his head.

Alice beamed and nodded excitably. "I can't wait."

"Want some fruit loops, Alice?" I shook the colorful box in front of her.

She considered it for a moment, her lips pressed together. "Nah, but I will have a bagel."

I smiled at her, showing her all my teeth. That's my girl.

That night, it was Emmett's turn to cook and Rosalie's turn to pick the movie. It had become a tradition during the summer that every Tuesday was movie night. So, pizza was ordered and romantically overdosed Rosalie popped in "The Titanic".

I filled my belly with cheese, pepperoni and grease and dozed off an hour into the movie with my head on Edward's shoulder. He didn't seem to mind, even though I'm sure it earned him a few inquiring looks from Rose and Alice. Emmett had already made up his mind what we were doing.

The sound of Alice's phone ringing roused me from my nap. I cringed at the tiny pool of drool that had soaked into Edward's thin t-shirt and I rubbed at it with my fingers as if that would make it disappear. It didn't work.

"It's Jasper," Alice grinned. "Hello? Hey baby, we were just…"

Her face fell as she rose from the couch, and walked into the kitchen. I could hear her muffled voice, the words incoherent but the tone behind them was pretty clear. Sad. Upset. Devastated. Jasper would not be coming back as planned.

We sat in silence, Emmett whispering into Rosalie's ear, Edward staring at the paused television. Of course, Rose Dawson in the buff. Emmett must have the remote.

After a few minutes, Alice walked back into the living room with watery eyes. Her arms were clutched around her torso as if she was holding herself in, keeping herself from breaking.

"I'm going to go to bed," she said to no one in particular, "Night, guys."

"Alice, wait…" Rose said softly but Alice was already halfway up the staircase, her shoulders shaking with silent sobs.

I followed her quietly, and I could hear Rose two steps behind me. After knocking twice on Alice's door and no response, I buffaloed my way in. She was face down on her bed, her face molded into her pillow. She yelled out a muffled "Go away!". Rose shut the door behind me and gave me a apprehensive glance, and I smiled at her. I knew Alice well, and this wasn't a time to leave her to her thoughts. As much as she would deny it, Alice was incredibly dependent on Jasper's presence. It was unhealthy but everyone had their vices, right?

We collapsed in her bed, one of us on each side of her. I rubbed circles on her back and Rosalie stroked her hair.

"When is Jasper coming back, Al?" I asked.

"I'm so pathetic," she grumbled into her pillow. "I'm a pathetic whiny little girl who can't go a few weeks without her boyfriend without falling apart."

"He's not coming back?" Rose tried to keep her tone gentle, but it came out like an angry snake.

Alice shook her head and flipped over onto her back.

"He said that things were too hectic at New Moon and that he was sorry but…but he won't be able to come back before I come home. I should be okay, you know? I'm just so…" she trailed off, having already gone down the "pathetic whiny little girl" route.

"Alice, it's normal to be bummed out," I told her.

"Yeah, but look at me! I just ruined everyone's night!"

Rose scoffed and rolled her eyes. "This is far more interesting than seeing Kate Winslet's tits and a dead Leonardo." Alice smiled, and let out a whimpering snicker. "Seriously, Alice, you didn't ruin anything. We love you and it's our duty as your best friends to take care of you."

I had to admit, I was impressed with Rosalie's nurturing skills. She could be brutally honest when the situation called for it, and in some people's minds this could be one of those situations.

"We'll have fun, Alice. Maybe, we'll go shopping tomorrow or we'll get a pedicure. You know I've always wanted to get a pedicure," I told her. Never in my life have I mentioned a desire to get a pedicure. Alice smiled at the thought of Bella at the Spa.

"But you have Edward, and Rose, you have Emmett. I'll be like…the fifth wheel." She rolled her eyes and pulled at her hair. "See? See how pathetic I am?"

I curled my arm around Alice and squeezed her tiny frame. "You're not pathetic. I know what will make you feel better."

"What?" she blubbered.

"I think you need a Bella Ballad."

Her lips slowly formed into a smile.

"You would?"

I nodded. "I just have to get Edward's guitar."

"You're going to sing?" Rose's eyes were big and filled with excitement. "Can I stay?"

"Of course, Rose but…"

"Bella is going to sing?" Emmett's voice came through the door.

"Christ, Emmett! Have you been there the whole time?" Rose yelled.

Her question was met with silence.

I opened the door to Emmett and Edward looking at me like I had caught their hands in the cookie jar.

"Edward, can I…"

He cut me off. "It's in my room. I'll get it for you."

Crap. I had never played or sang for anyone other than Alice. Rose, I could handle but Emmett and Edward? My hands were already shaking when Edward handed me his guitar in the hallway. Emmett had already joined Alice and Rose on the bed as I was worrying about my audience.

"I can…do you want me to drag Emmett back downstairs?" He could sense my apprehension. I could still make out the drool spot on his shoulder and for unknown reasons, it eased my nerves just enough to accept the crowded room.

"No, it's okay. We'll just…see how it goes," I smiled.

I sat down, on the wicker chair next to the bed and glanced up. Everyone was looking at me expectantly, waiting for the show to begin.

"Okay, nobody look at me," I said, waving my hand in front of my face.

Everyone blinked at me.

"Seriously, look…somewhere else. You're making me nervous. Everyone except Alice," I said, "because, technically, this is for her."

Alice smiled smugly as Edward, Emmett and Rosalie tried to focus their eyes on something that wasn't me and didn't make them appear insane. Emmett sat in a different wicker chair and Rosalie flopped down in his lap, their eyes on each other. Edward closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall. Watching them do this made me realize I had raised my freak flag just a little higher in the sky.

I strummed the guitar, getting re-accustomed to the feel of my fingers on the strings. After taking a deep breath, I started playing the first song I ever learned to play.

"_You think I'd leave your side, baby? You know me better than that. You think I'd leave you down when your down on your knees? I wouldn't do that…"_

My voice cracked as I sang, and I focused my eyes on my best friend, my sister, who was sitting cross-legged on the bed, swaying to the song. There had been many times when I had to belt out Sade for Alice's benefit because for some strange reason, it made her feel better.

The foreign presence of the other three was still heavy on my mind, and my pitch went too high then too low as I lost all concentration when Edward shifted on his feet in my peripheral. I closed my eyes, trying desperately to imagine myself in my own bedroom in Seattle, singing as if I had nothing to lose.

"_When you're on the outside baby and you can`t get in, I will show you you're so much better than you know. When you're lost and you're alone and you cant get back again, I will find you, darling, and I will bring you home…"_

The sound of movement broke me from my trance, and I opened my eyes. I smiled at Emmett and Rose, who had transformed the bedroom into a dance floor with a single shove of a footrest. He swayed with her in his arms, whispering something in her ear and she buried her face in his neck. Edward held a hand out to Alice, and she took it obligingly. He turned her in a circle before pulling her close to him, dancing to the music that I was creating.

When I was finished, there was a round of applause and I stood up and offered them a bow.

Alice hugged me, thanked me for the song and assured me that she felt ten times better. She knew that had been difficult for me and I knew what she was facing with Jasper was difficult for her. There was always an easy understanding between myself and Alice. The only question was, which one of us would fall apart first. Our friendship was a teeter totter, Alice on one end and myself on the other. One shift and one of us would plummet to the ground, ass first. It was always the job of the other one to lean in the right direction or get off entirely to dust the other one off to start all over again. Everyone needs an Alice in their life.

"That was amazing," Edward said and I handed him back his guitar.

I waved a hand at him. "Thank you, but…hey, I think it's your turn."

"Yeah, your turn, man!" Emmett still had his arms around Rosalie, dancing to an unvoiced song.

Edward shrugged and pulled the guitar up to his chest. He strummed his long fingers over the strings, testing the sound. After taking a few moments to consider the song, he then nodded to himself and smirked. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pick, and started playing. I backed up and sat down on the bed, next to Alice. I admired his comfort with the action, the way his hands moved on the strings fluidly.

When he started singing, my mouth fell open a little at the sound of his voice. It wasn't perfect but it was raw and unique, and I watched his Adam's Apple bob up and down as the words left his mouth. I could feel my heart beating in my throat, like it was dancing to the beat of the song.

"_Well, I took a stroll on the old long walk of a day-iay-iay, met a lil' girl and we stopped to talk on a fine soft day-iay and I ask you friend…what's a fella to do? Cause her hair was black and her eyes were blue, and I knew right then that I'd be taken a whirl 'round the Salthill Prom with a Galway Girl…"_

He looked right at Alice when he sang,. It was his own version of comfort even though he probably wasn't even sure why she needed soothing. As I watched him sing, putting his own twang to the tone of 'The Galway Girl', my insides did a funny thing. The anxiety was still there, gripping me in a way that I had grown accustomed but it didn't seem detrimental to my well-being. It was there but it didn't define me. Instead, there was something else that filled me, made me feel whole for the first time in my life. It could have been the sense of closeness that I felt with the people around me or the music in itself that injected this liberation into my soul.

I smiled as I thought of the other possible cause for my spirit to suddenly plant it's feet and spread it's wings. Edward.


	12. Chapter 12 The floating banana

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who is reading and/or reviewing! **

**Disclaimer: SM owns everything.**

**Chapter song: "Tighten Up" by The Black Keys**

* * *

My eyes snapped open and I held my breath at the sound of feet stomping past Edward's door. We had been laying there for twenty minutes, too exhausted to even speak. I snuck a peek at Edward and his eyes were shifty, waiting for the dreadful yell to break through the only barrier between us and her. The much too thin wooden door, which I had locked and stuck a chair against, was the only thing between the obsessive wench we knew as Rosalie Hale.

The footsteps passed by once more, sounding as if the grounds for the stomping was a relentless mission. A search party, no doubt. I could see her now: Blond hair forced into an untidy knot, wide crazy eyes, clenched white knuckles. I shuddered at the thought of being found, and suddenly I felt like one of those clueless girls that always got massacred in horror films.

"Doo da doo da doodoo da doo da doo da doodoo." Edward quietly sang the theme song for the Wicked Witch of The West from the Wizard of Oz as the remote stomping came to a halt.

"Where did you tell her you were going?" I whispered.

"The bathroom."

"Oh shit; me too."

I slapped my hand over my mouth to keep my laughter from disclosing our position. Edward's shoulders shook with his own silent chuckles.

This all started the morning before when Rosalie finally broke down and called her parents to let them in on the big news. Immediately they booked a flight for Friday so they could come and stay the weekend. They didn't say why but we all knew it was to talk some sense into her.

So, she grew incredibly anxious and almost impossible; pointing out subtle things that they would pass judgment on or would find "distasteful". The Rosalie I knew would blow it off, but this engaged Rosalie became some sort of cleaning animal. After many promises to help her get her house in order (whatever that meant), we were put to work. She left all of us our own list to accomplish while she was at work, and new lists for when she got home. I didn't mind helping her, and neither did anyone else but when Alice giggled at number eleven on the list (Staining the entire back deck), she received a cold stare that made all of our breaths visible. However, when Emmett told her how ridiculous refurbishing the entire landscape of the front yard was, Rosalie burst into tears. No one wanted to see tears because we knew what this meant to her, what her parents' acceptance meant to her. So we bucked up and started crossing things off, one by one.

This was day two of flipping the house (that didn't need flipped in the first place), and needless to say, we craved peace. Our bodies were aching, dirty and yearning for the feeling of sand between our toes and waves crashing against our shins.

"Do you think we can sneak out of here and get down to the beach?" I whispered.

Edward considered my question, apparently listening for the daunting stomps of Rosalie. After a moment, he turned to me and smiled, "Let's go."

After some nice "Ethan Hunt" moves, courtesy of a nicely built Tom Cruise, I managed to sneak across the hall and change into my tankini. I met Edward in the hallway, and I grinned at the colorful flowered swim trunks that had made me laugh the first day on the beach. We snuck down the stairs, through the kitchen and onto the newly stained deck which had recently been lined with pots of newly planted annuals. The wind forced the smell of the ocean into my nostrils and I breathed it in, relishing in the feeling of liberation that surged through my body. Edward took my hand as we passed the pool. The enchantment contained in his skin, mixed with my freedom-I'd never been happier than at that moment. If I could freeze my emotions, the way I was feeling, I would have done it right then. I believed in heaven but I couldn't imagine the afterlife feeling any better than this.

It was crowded with families and teenagers; retired couples with large hats and sunscreen painted on their noses. We punched holes with our feet in the smooth yellow sand as we approached the tide. Still connected, we didn't hesitate to run into the water; the resistance meeting us at the knees and taking us face first into the shallow warm water of the Atlantic Ocean. We sat down in knee high water, like being in a gigantic kiddy pool.

"So, I've got our date all planned." Edward grabbed a fist-full of sand and then let the water drain out between his fingers.

"You do? What are we doing?" I asked. With careful consideration of Alice, and after her constant reassurance that she was fine, we decided to go out Friday night. I felt terrible leaving her stuck in that house with The Hales and Emmett but she felt like a Martyr by telling us both to get out.

He waggled his eyebrows. "It's a surprise."

I laughed at the mystery and excitement in his voice, then inhaled the sweet warm air that surrounded us.

"I'm going to miss this," I sadly mumbled. "I can't believe we only have a few weeks left. In fact, I can't believe I almost missed this entirely."

He looked at me, surprised. "You weren't going to come?"

I shook my head as he dropped the handful of sand with a plunk into the water.

"Seattle isn't my favorite place but it's home and it's comfortable. I've never been one to go on adventures." He watched me, waiting for further explanation and I sighed. "I was too afraid of what I would do if I broke my routine or went somewhere that could…stress me out."

He nodded once and smirked. "Because of your hidden talent?"

"Yeah," I laughed, "my hidden talent."

Comfortable silence took up a few minutes as we watched a couple run past us with snorkel masks and smiles on their faces.

"What is it like? You know, when…it happens?" Edward's tone was tense and cautious. He never talked about my gift nor inquired about it but I knew there were burning questions in his mind.

"Well, most of the time it's spontaneous when things happen so I'm usually just as surprised as everyone else. But, I can feel it burning inside me, all the time, like it's aching to show itself but it's waiting for the right time. There have been moments when I can feel it coming, so I have these breathing exercises that I can do to help control it. It's gotten a lot better but I gave my safe routine credit for that."

"But you're here and nothing has happened. Your routine has been taking credit for something that has been _you_ all along," he said softly, his tone still careful.

"I'm slowly learning that," I told him. "This trip has been incredible for me." _In more ways than one._

I couldn't tell him that touching his skin made the burning ache go away, and I felt instant control over my own body for the first time in my life. That would just be weird and I put that in the third date category. Was sex still in the third date category these days? I'd have to ask Alice or pick up a Glamour magazine the next time I went to the supermarket.

"Can I ask you something else? You don't have to answer me if you don't want to," he said.

"Anything," I told him, "I'm an open book." _Mostly_.

"Do you think your Mom is still alive?"

I hadn't been prepared for that one. I was expecting a question about how it felt to control my for the first time in the alley that night or a request for an experiment. It wouldn't be the first time someone would ask me to try and move something for them just for entertainment value. There were times in the apartment back in Seattle that Alice and I would be too lazy to get up off the sofa so she'd put in a request, pleading with my gift, to bring her a glass of wine. We'd laugh it off but it didn't stop me from staring at the fridge for a few minutes in utter concentration.

"Yes," I breathed, "I do. I think she ran when things got too scary for her. She didn't want to exist in that life anymore so she…just left.

He shook his head. "I just…don't get it. How do you run away from your own defenseless child?"

"I don't know what she was feeling or thinking but I have this hope, you know, this hope that maybe she thought she was doing what was best for me. Maybe, she thought that if I lived with someone else, they would know better than her how to raise me."

I pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged them. Memories of my Mother surfed to the front of my brain that I hadn't thought of in so long. Renee picking me up and dancing with me around our small kitchen in Phoenix to the tune of 'Jolene'. Renee sobbing on the dirty floor of our living room with a bottle whiskey clutched in her hand. Renee singing me to sleep. Renee explaining my frequent absences to our school principal over the phone even though I had no idea myself why I stayed home that day. Renee braiding my hair. Renee…

"I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to…" Edward put a tentative arm around my shoulder and pulled me to him. I hadn't realized that I was shaking, but triumphantly my eyes remained free of tears. I looked away anyway, aware that the pain was evident on my face.

"It's okay, really. I've had years to be angry and sad and regretful but now…I just want the truth. Maybe someday, I'll know."

I felt his finger on my chin, tilting my face toward his.

"I promise," he breathed, "that one day you will know, Bella."

I wasn't sure why but I believed him.

He put his lips on my forehead, giving me a vow in the form of a kiss against my skin. I closed my eyes as he vowed again, this time on my cheek. When his lips met mine, I didn't need anymore reassurance. What I needed then was something entirely different. The kiss started out gentle but moved quickly into something else that translated what it was that I needed. With both of my hands on his cheeks, I pulled him to me, a plea for him to just take me and do as he wished. Before I knew it, my tongue was moving against his and he let out a groan as I turned my head to take the kiss deeper.

"Don't you two have any respect? There are children on this beach!"

I pulled away from Edward as if he had caught on fire and turned toward the voice. I opened my mouth to issue an apology, then quickly snapped it shut when I saw who it was and my eyes flew wide open in shock.

"Alice!" I yelled as Edward followed me through the back door. "Alice!"

"Where'd you two sneak off to?" Emmett walked into the kitchen, looking as if he had just returned from hell. "Rose called the police but they said you had to be missing for 48 hours before they'd file a report."

Edward rolled his eyes. "Where's Alice?"

He offered us a weak shrug. "I don't know. Sweeping out the chimney, scrubbing the washing machine, cleaning the ceiling fans for the fifteenth time; take your pick."

I made a face. "Good Lord. She made her scrub out the washing machine?"

"She better have." Rosalie's voice made all of us jump when it came from behind Emmett. For a few beats, I contemplated hiding behind Edward, wondering if she would see me. "It was on her list."

"Where is she?" I asked. "I have to talk to her."

Her eyes narrowed for a moment, then she looked around the kitchen as if she would spot her peeking out of a cupboard. "Now that you mention it, I haven't seen her since I asked her to paint all the trouble spots in the kitchen." She found a "trouble spot" on the wall beside her, picked at it with the tip of her finger then her face went all squishy.

"Rosalie…give it a rest. Seriously," I said as I pushed past her toward the stairs.

"What do you mean?" she yelled. "Did you get a chance to change the curtains in your room?"

I ignored her and I reached the top of the stairs at record speeds. When I got to Alice's door, it was locked so I knew she was in there. I knocked loudly just in case she was zoning out with her ear buds stuffed firmly into her ears.

"Rose, for fuck's sake! Leave me alone!"

"It's Bella! Open up!"

After a minute, Alice opened the door with an expectant look on her face. Her hair was wet from a shower, and she was dressed in Capri comfy pants and a tank top.

"I have to show you something, Alice." I grabbed her hand and tried to pull her into the hallway but was met with resistance.

"Bella, I'm really fucking tired and…Rose is down there, somewhere."

I squeezed her hand and grinned at her. "Trust me, Al."

And she did.

We rushed down the stairs, past an unstable Rosalie and an exhausted Emmett and stopped at the front door.

"Open it," I told her.

She rubbed her face with her hands and resignedly exhaled. "This had better be good, Bella."

She opened up the door and gasped.

"Jasper!"

She flew into his arms and he let out a grunt. She clung to him as he wrapped his arms tightly around her, muttering things in her ear. Then I did what any best friend would do: I slammed the door shut behind them, offering them some much needed privacy.

Jasper did a very Jasper-like thing, and arranged for a flight as soon as he heard his parents were making a visit. He couldn't do that to Alice.

"It would be like throwing a cute little kitten to a pair of hungry hyenas," he said, as we walked up from the beach.

"Thank Fuck!" Rosalie blurted out. "I've got a shit load of things that Jasper can do."

There were three simultaneous groans as we pushed past Rosalie and back to the kitchen.

"What?" she asked, innocently and no one answered.

**~~AMS~~**

"Beeella." The smooth masculine voice whispered my name, yanking me from a dream starring the owner of said voice. "Beeella."

"Go away. Sleeping." I pulled the covers up over my head, desperately hoping I could slip right back into that dream. Edward was shirtless and the button on his jeans had just been popped.

Instead of retreating, he let out a soft chuckle.

"It's time for our date to start," he said. "You do still want to go out with me, right?" I could practically hear his bottom lip protruding.

I pulled the covers down so one eye was exposed and I peeked at him. "What time is it?"

He looked at his watch as if he didn't already know. "Eight-thirty."

I closed my eye again. "Isn't it bad luck or something to see your date before it actually begins?" I groaned, rubbing my face with the palms of my hands.

"That's a wedding thing," he smiled. "I'm making you breakfast."

I peeked at him with both eyes this time and damn it, if he didn't look fucking hot at eight-thirty in the fucking morning. Navy Oxford, khaki shorts and clean shaved; he looked good enough to eat. I smiled at the thought.

"Ham and Cheese Omelet…" he cooed and my eyes opened a little wider. "…bacon…" Oooh…bacon, "…and a big mug of hot fresh brewed coffee."

"Okay, okay, I'm up," I grumbled. "Give me forty-five minutes-give or take a few."

An hour later, my belly was full of caffeine and bacon, and Edward had excused himself to load up the car. I gave myself a once over in the bathroom mirror, second guessing the black halter dress I was wearing. It was flattering, making my rear look a little less round and accenting my hips in just the right places but it was cut shorter than I was comfortable with. It hit me a few inches above the knees, so when I sat down I had to be careful to remember that I was a lady; legs closed and ankles crossed. My hair was in loose curls, and I finished my look with a little make up. My skin had turned a healthy pink, and it was slightly bronzed which made me a tad giddy. The huge mystery to the date made it difficult to pick out shoes, so I put on dressy sandals and packed some black heels in the bag. I wouldn't complain if the heels remained unseen.

"You look beautiful, Bella." Alice came up behind me and rested her chin on my shoulder. "He's a lucky guy."

I scoffed. "You have to say things like that, Alice. It's what I pay you for."

She smiled at me and lazily wrapped her arms around me. "You'll see one day-maybe today, maybe tomorrow-but you'll see just how truly amazing you are."

"Thank you but…" I studied her reflection carefully in the mirror. "Are you high?"

Her smile grew and she exhaled into my hair. "I love Jasper."

"I know you do, sweetie."

"I'm hungry."

"Okay; go eat."

"Okay."

She gave me one last squeeze and wandered off into the kitchen. When I got back to the living room, Edward was sitting on the sofa tying the laces of his Nike tennis shoes. He had changed into dark blue jeans and put some sort of product in his hair. The thirty seconds of the staring he did at my dress, when he looked up, was making me feel self-conscious.

"What? Is it…am I dressed okay?" I shifted on my feet awkwardly and fiddled with one of my curls.

"It's perfect," he murmured. He hopped up off the couch and held a finger up in a "wait a minute" gesture. "I'll be right back."

I raised my eyebrows at him as he jogged to the front door and shut it behind him. Just as I was releasing a shaky breath, there was a soft knock on the door. I smiled. When I opened it, Edward stood there holding out a bundle of multi-colored daisies.

"Daisies," I said stupidly, "they're beautiful."

"Beautiful flowers for a beautiful woman," he smirked. I let out another nervous breath accompanied by some crazy sounding giggles.

"That's so lame, dude." Emmett's voice startled me from behind, and I listened carefully for the sound of something breaking or cracking. Nothing. Hopefully, it was just a throw pillow from the couch that my hidden talent chose to manipulate, if anything. "Who the fuck goes on a date at…"he looked at his watch and made a face, "…ten in the morning?"

"Here," I said, grabbing the flowers and shoving them at Emmett, "put these in water."

Emmett mumbled some colorful protests but they were ignored. With my arm shoved in the crook of Edward's offered elbow, we walked off the porch and toward Edward's rental. It was unnerving how apprehensive I was about this date. It had been years since I had been on a date, but I had to remind myself that this was Edward. My Edward.

"Have her home by midnight!" Emmett yelled from behind us.

Edward acknowledged him with a wave.

"We're not going running, are we?" I asked as he opened up the door to his Volvo for me. I eyed his tennis shoes with distrust and contempt.

He let out a bark of laughter. "No, but we will be walking a lot so if those shoes aren't comfortable, here's your chance to change."

I wiggled my feet a little and thought about it. "Nah. These will do."

On our journey to the unknown, we listened to some music that I couldn't identify but I found it soothing. I took some deep breaths, and played with the hem of my dress as I tried to mentally talk myself out of being such an anti-social freak.

"You act like you're nervous," he said.

"I am," I responded, biting my bottom lip.

"Why? It's just me, Bella." I made a dissatisfied face at him complete with narrowed eyes. "I happen to like 'just' you, Edward, so I'm kind of worried about fucking this up." I hadn't meant for it to come out with so much venom attached to it, but it did.

He looked a little amused at this so I crossed my arms over my chest and feigned irritation. The man's voice coming through the speakers was singing a delightful love ballad. I had the urge to slow dance with Edward; his arms wrapped tightly around my waist and my cheek resting against his chest. His heartbeat in my ear causing the smile on my face.

I looked over at him and he was smiling.

"Now what?" I asked.

He answered in a sing-song voice. "You like me."

I rolled my eyes and grinned.

We rolled on highway A1A toward the heart of Miami, over the sparkling waters of the Biscayne Bay. Hundreds of sailboats and motor boats surrounded us; palm trees lined up perfectly along the road. The day was hot but the humidity was low for a Florida day in July. The good thing about living on the shore was the natural coolness that the water seemed to bless it's human neighbors with, in spite of those neighbors' careless attitude toward it.

Edward pulled onto an exit where I saw the signs for "Jungle Island". He turned the radio off and looked at me for signs of approval.

"I've never been," I told him.

"Neither have I but Emmett said that it was a pretty cool place. Kind of like a zoo and a bird sanctuary rolled up into one. We don't have to go here, if you don't want to. I just thought…I mean…there's…"

"Edward," I cut him off, "you're rambling. It's kind of cute but you're making me feel guilty. This is perfect."

His smile was shy and he blushed.

"This is ridiculous," I told him. "I've been living with you for the past month and we've already made out twice so why are we so fucking awkward? I mean, look at us!"

"Three times," he replied.

"What?"

"We've kissed three times."

_Good Lord, I forgot about one. How could I have forgotten one? _

We pulled up to a booth and paid for parking. The teenager inside stared a little too long at my exposed legs and Edward glared at him. It made me feel a little haughty.

He put the car in park and turned off the ignition. We sat there, collecting ourselves and clearing our throats and desperately searching for something to say that would make sense.

"Oh, fuck it," I said out loud.

Then I did the only thing I could think of that _did_ make sense at that moment. I grabbed him by the shirt collar and kissed him senseless. There was lots of groaning and hair tugging and some accidental groping but I could physically feel the tension rolling off our bodies. I brought it back to the beginning. No matter where we were or how we were dressed, it was just Edward and I. Whether we were sitting in the parking lot of "Jungle Island" or laying on the beach, we were still Edward and Bella.

I pulled away and searched his face, hoping that I had gotten my point across. If not, I would be willing to try again. Yes, this was definitely something I was willing to work on and I'd argue my point as many times as it took; or until my lips grew numb.

"That'd be four," Edward grinned.

I grinned in return and we officially began our date all over again.

Halfway through "Jungle Island", I was thanking fuck for the manufacturer of Crocs. My dress sandals, that I was stupid enough to consider comfy, gave me three blisters and a temporary limp. They were selling Crocs in the gift shop so I bought a pair of the ugly-ass holey rubber shoes even though the only color they had left was hot pink. Edward laughed at me as I limped around, but my feet were very gracious. He even offered to give me a piggy back ride and I considered it for far too long than a 25 year old woman should.

"That one's name is Jake," I said, pointing to one of the Orangutans sitting in front of us. "The other one is Hanna."

Jake gave us a little wave from his tree and his banana fell to the bottom of the cage. We laughed at his reaction which was full of despair; his head thrown back and his hands smacking his forehead in a Homer Simpson "Doh!" sort of fashion.

"What a clown," Edward grinned.

We were alone by the Orangutan exhibit for the time being, and I had a strange idea. I stared at the dropped banana at the bottom of the cage and willed it to move like I had done with those bottles in the alley. I concentrated, visualized, and glared at it until my temples were beginning to throb and nothing. Perhaps, my life had to be in danger for it to work correctly.

He came up behind me and circled me with his body, an arm on each side. His hands grasped the safety bar in front of us, and I could feel his breath in my hair. I leaned back into him, his cheek brushing my forehead and sighed at the familiarity of the glorious feeling that took place in my body. I worried that it would go away or I would grow immune to it but I decided I'd relish in it, no matter.

The banana caught my attention again, as Hanna dipped down near it. She reached out her hand but it moved away from her. On it's own. I gasped and grabbed Edward's hand.

_Had I done that? Of course, I had. How else?_

I peeked up at Edward and he was watching Jake, high up in the tree and scratching his own rear. Jake was…not Edward. He hadn't seen it move.

Hanna watched the banana and made another attempt at grabbing it so I focused again, and it moved away from her; this time farther.

I squeezed Edward's hand, trying to get his attention.

"What's wrong?"

I was terrified to talk; afraid that whatever was helping me do this would float away with wasted breath. However, I managed to talk without moving my lips. "Watch the banana."

Sure enough, the banana lifted from the ground and Edward's breath, that had been circulating through my hair, came to a halt. The banana went two feet up…three feet…four feet…and stopped when it floated directly in front of Jake…because that's what I wanted it to do.

"What…are you doing that?"

I nodded swiftly, still keeping eye contact with the banana. Jake cocked his head and poked at it with a finger but it remained stationary. After further inspection, Jake grabbed the banana and hugged it to his chest. My lungs burned as I exhaled breath that I didn't realize was trapped within them. My legs went weak and I fell backwards, resting most of my weight on Edward. He wrapped his arms around me and helped me to a nearby bench. When I glanced at him, he looked pale and worried.

"How did you do that?" he asked.

I shook my head. The dizziness that overtook me was waning but I was left with a sense of shock. I fisted my hand into Edward's shirt, either to keep myself grounded or keep him from running; I wasn't sure.

"Are you okay?"

I nodded, my voice still stuck in my throat. What had been different from the other times I had attempted to control my gift? I hadn't questioned the alley incident because I had gave my moral peril credit for that. This time, it was different. It was as if something clicked. The only common denominator was Edward.

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

"I need to find a restroom," I managed to sputter.

We found one with Edward practically carrying me there, and lots of reassurance from me that I would be fine on my own. I'd hoped he'd still be there when I came out but if not, it would be good to end this now before I got too attached to the idea of having him in my life.

I plopped down on the closed lid of a toilet and let my head fall into my hands. My body was weak and my brain exhausted from not only the mental exertion of moving the banana but also my realization of Edward's role in it. Edward's touch was like an injection of Ritalin to my brain, allowing things to calm down and come together so that they worked properly. His skin against my skin was an enchantment. Was he the only one? I'd definitely never felt that way when someone touched me before, not even my own parents.

Could the concept of soul mates be less far-fetched than I originally thought? I laughed out loud at the notion, a tear falling down my cheek. I hadn't even realized I was crying.

_How long had I been crying?_

Maybe there was part of me that was off balance and insane. Perhaps it wouldn't be such a bad idea to let the doctors in white lab coats poke me with a stick. The idea didn't seem so bad if Edward was chained up next to me. Smirking at me. With a three day old beard and his messy hair a little longer. Naked.

I laughed again as I got up off the toilet. As I washed my hands I decided that I definitely couldn't tell Edward about this. What if he thought that I was with him just because of his magic skin? I panicked a little at the idea, and it confirmed my conclusion in not letting him in on it.

Edward rushed up to me as I left the restroom, and put his hands on my shoulders; his touch having completely different meanings for me now than before but still feeling excruciatingly pleasant.

"What do you need?" he asked, dipping his head so that I was forced to look into his eyes.

I grinned at him lazily, and bit my lip. If only I could answer that question honestly. "A coke."

He grinned in return and rubbed his hands up and down my upper arms a few times. "Well, let's go get you a Coke."

That evening, we sat down to dinner at a nice little Italian restaurant that had a gorgeous view of the Biscayne. Edward had taken me walking through downtown Miami on a search for a new pair of comfortable shoes that didn't make me look like a twelve year old girl. I settled on some black flats that had sparkled a little in the sun. He insisted on buying them since he claimed it was his fault for the lack of warning. He had warned me, but I chose not to bring that up.

He didn't bring up the banana incident again and neither did I. His mood was similar to before it happened, happy and carefree, and I tried to do that same but my secret was burning a hole in the back of my brain. Every time he touched me, I watched for something to happen but it never did. Of course, I knew it was about control and nothing would happen unless I visualized it but it still was unsettling to know this new information.

We ordered our drinks and food, and Edward leaned forward with his elbows on the table watching me curiously. I could tell he was getting ready to ask me something so I beat him to it.

"I feel like there's so much about you that I don't know," I told him. "Tell me something."

Surprise crossed his features for a moment but was quickly replaced with consideration. "What do you want to know?"

"Tell me about law school."

He took a deep breath and I could tell I was treading on dangerous waters. "Well, I graduated from UW and moved back to Chicago for grad school. My dad passed away a few months into my first year and after that, my life changed. I applied to law school and that's where I've been the past few years."

"I'm sorry about your Dad. That must have been tough," I told him. That was one thing we had in common: The loss of a parent.

He shrugged one shoulder and shifted in his chair. "My Dad was an airline pilot so he wasn't home a lot. I respected him but we weren't really that close. He was a good man, though, and he took very good care of us." His response was robotic; his tone disconnected and his eyes shifted around the room.

"I bet it was tough on your Mom," I said.

He swallowed and rubbed his chin with his fingers. "Yeah, it was."

_Mental note: The subject of Edward's family is a touchy topic._

The waitress came with our drinks, set them down in front of us and walked away. We stuck straws into our sodas at the same time and took a sip, like an old married couple.

"Okay, so changing the subject," I said. He was noticeably relieved and his shoulders relaxed. "You have the advantage, knowing all about my past in terms of the love department."

"Damn, this is deep for our first date," he teased.

I smiled and bit my bottom lip.

"Well, my first serious girlfriend was in high school and we dated for a few years until the long distance became too hard for both of us."

"She stayed in Chicago and you were at UW?"

He took another drink and nodded. "Yep."

"Then?"

"I dated a little in college but nothing really serious."

I looked at him expectantly, still chewing on my lip.

"That's it."

I grunted and considered what he told me. "So, when you said you dated a little in college…"

He laughed sounding a little annoyed. "When I say I dated, I mean there were no serious relationships. Everything was very casual."

When my bottom lip had been gnawed on enough, I moved to my fingernails. It wasn't very attractive, I knew that, but it helped me think. I wanted to ask him how many women he had been with but he was right in regards to this being very deep for a first date. I came to the conclusion that the question just wasn't suitable, especially when it was just my curiosity pecking at my brain. It hadn't really mattered what his answer would be, in fact, I wasn't even sure what answer I wanted; what number was too little or too great. It wasn't relevant.

I opened my mouth to ask him about the rest of the evening when he grumbled and closed his eyes tightly for a moment, as if he were in pain. He leaned over and pulled his phone out of his back pocket, and looked at it.

"It's Emmett," he breathed. "Should I get it?"

"Yeah," I sighed, "you probably should. The Hales have probably arrived and it's possible that Rosalie has pulled all of her hair out."

He answered and chatted with Emmett for a few minutes, and I could tell from the one sided conversation that the Hales hadn't arrived yet. He glanced sideways at me and some of his responses sounded a little too discreet. When he hung up, he smiled at me as he pushed the phone back into his pocket.

"Hiding something?" I asked.

"Maybe."

"This is something that you are planning with Emmett?"

"It's a surprise for tonight," he grinned.

"Really?" My eyebrows shot up and my mouth fell open a little. "A surprise for tonight that involves Emmett?" It was more a statement than a question.

"Everyone will be fully clothed; I promise."

I wasn't sure how to take that statement. Emmett fully clothed was preferable but Edward in the buff was starting to make me hungry, and not for the Ravioli that I had ordered. I squeezed my thighs together as I thought about shirtless Edward.

"So, where to after this?" I asked.

Edward grabbed a breadstick and bit off the end, his eyes dancing with mischief. That was his reply.

"Seriously, just give me a hint," I told him, "before I kill you."

He chuckled to himself and took a deep breath before answering. "Let's just say we're going to start crossing things off your bucket list."

I narrowed my eyes in thought, and waded through the muck and unimportant facts that floated through my brain until I got to the memory of the bucket list. My breath hitched when number one floated into my head.

_Holy shit!_

**_A/N: I tried to fit all of the date into one chapter but Bella and Edward wouldn't stop trying to make out :) Hopefully we'll see some lemons soon because all this waiting sucks monkey balls. Thanks for reading! Review if you want to start a date with Edward at 8:30 in the morning :)_**


	13. Chapter 13 The Hales

**A/N: I decided to post a little early. Thanks to SoftRagoo for the rec-I bow down and kiss your virtual feet :) Thanks to everyone who is reading and reviewing. This one is a doozie so hold onto your hats, ladies!**

**Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing but SM owns everything.**

**Chapter song: "No Money" by Kings of Leon**

* * *

"Seriously…this is the next stop on our date?" I asked, incredulously.

We were sitting in the Volvo, staring at the bar in front of us with opposite expressions on our faces. Edward was excited and I was appalled. The building looked like it was one health code violation away from being boarded up. A few cars were sitting in the parking lot and by the looks of them, the owners of those cars were not twenty-something blonde girls or greasy-haired players.

"Yeah, what's wrong with it?" The corners of his mouth twitched as he attempted to flash me a sad face.

I cocked an eyebrow and scrunched up my face. "It's…it's kind of scary."

Edward put a hand over his heart and gasped. "Bella, you think…that I would take you someplace dangerous?"

"You're not fooling me, Edward, I know you think this place is a little on the frightening side, too." I ducked my head to get a better look at the joint. "Look! There's a pair of tidy-whities hanging from the gutter! How do you suppose that happened?" After looking more closely, they weren't really white anymore. I grimaced.

Edward laughed and grabbed my hand. He looked over at me and laid a kiss on my knuckles. "Trust me?"

It wasn't fair. I felt like I didn't have a choice by the way he looked at me and the way he made me feel as his lips brushed against my skin.

"All right," I sighed, "but I get to plan our next date."

"Let me guess…the Opera…or how about a Ballet. Isn't that a typical torture date for a man?" he asked.

I scowled at him. "I'll think of something."

When we walked in, I discovered that the inside matched the outside. As we approached the bar, a grey-haired man in a velour sweat suit approached us from behind the counter.

"You lost?" he asked.

Well, that was rude but I wasn't about to tell him that. He looked like he was fresh from New Jersey, complete with accent. I was willing to bet that he was packing.

"You Aro?" Edward asked.

The man narrowed his eyes and glared at Edward as he pulled something from his pocket. I managed to half hide myself behind my date before realizing that it was a pack of gum. He pulled several pieces out of the pack, unwrapped them and stuffed them in his mouth.

Was this the fucking Twilight Zone, or what?

"I'm friends with Emmett…he said that he called you."

And just like that, the grey-haired gum man smiled.

"Yeah, you Edward?" he asked.

Edward held out his hand and Aro shook it, grunting as he did so.

"Emmett? Who's friends with Emmett? Where is that SOB? He owes me twenty bucks thanks to the Marlin's game the other night." A voice came from behind us.

We turned around and there was another man, just as scary and missing some teeth. There was a woman sitting next to him, clutching a bottle of beer, and smiling a detached smile like she had no idea where she was.

"You that fella that Emmett was calling about?" Edward nodded and smiled. "Well, let's hear it! We've been looking forward to the entertainment." Apparently everyone knew why were there but me. I gave Edward the stink eye but he simply kept grinning.

I learned one important lesson that night as I sat and drank my bottled beer. I already knew that beer tasted like piss but I needed something to calm my nerves. Aro laughed heartily at me when I requested a Margarita, so beer would have to do. The lesson I learned was you can't judge a book by it's cover, which is something I should have learned a long time ago.

A few other people joined us, regulars who also knew Emmett. Turns out, Emmett had stumbled into this bar when he spotted a "help wanted" sign in the door, desperate for income and something to brighten his spirits. He ended up doing odd jobs around the bar for a while, and the regular crew got to know him. It wasn't a steady job but when they needed some heavy work done, they would call upon Emmett. They didn't care about his failing football career or his big beautiful house on the beach. I mentally chastised myself for making conclusions about them before actually talking to them.

"So, when are we going to see the show?" The toothless man named Felix asked me.

"I'm not sure what show you're talking about," I told him, grinning. "Coming here was a big surprise."

He laughed. "Ed, my man, you have to learn that women don't care much for secrets. Kept a big secret from my wife and I got a concussion and a missing molar to show for it!"

The entire bar burst into a symphony of guffaws.

"That because," Wanda explained, "your secret was a little redhead in the house next door!"

More laughter ensued, including from myself and Edward.

"Okay, okay…let's do this." Edward turned to me and gnawed on his lip a little before letting me in on the big secret. "So, you've always wanted to sing karaoke."

My jaw dropped and my eyes flew open. "Oh no…I can't…"

"Why not?" He put his hand on my bare knee and smiled. That bastard and his skills of persuasion. "This is your chance. There's, what, ten people in this bar? It'll be fun."

I looked around at everyone guzzling their beers and chatting amongst themselves. This was definitely a surprise. Who would have thought we would have come here for karaoke but as I looked around, I knew why. In a crowded bar full of people my age, I would have never got up that stage to make a fool out of myself. People could be mean; I knew that but these guys, these friends of Emmett's, were not callous.

"I've already got the song picked out and everything. It's a duet." Edward could tell I was on the fence. "It'll sound pretty fucking stupid if I'm up there by myself."

"It'll sound pretty fucking stupid if I go up there with you," I huffed.

"Well then, we'll sound pretty fucking stupid together."

I smiled at him and he knew he had me. "Okay."

Before I knew it, we were side by side on stage singing 'Islands in The Stream'. Edward started with Kenny Roger's part, then I meekly cut in with Dolly's but twenty seconds later, we were both belting out the tune as if we were being paid to do it. Edward's soft tone and slight country twang was a perfect impression, while my voice was a mixture of nails on a chalkboard and a twelve year old boy.

When the song ended, a round of applause sounded out from the bar. Someone even made me feel like a real rock star and shouted out, "Show us your tits!", so Edward lifted up his shirt in the brawler's direction. It was fun. No, it wasn't just fun…it was fucking amazing. I had never felt so alive and responsive and just plain human.

It was so much fun, we went straight into Edward and Bella's rendition of 'Bohemian Rhapsody'.

* * *

"That was a blast!"

We were back in the Volvo and headed to God knows where because there was still another secret yet to be revealed.

"I'm glad you have fun," he said, grabbing my hand and threading his fingers through mine. "That's number four, right? What else can we cross off that bucket list of yours?"

As much as I tried to think about numbers 2, 3, and 5, my mind went straight to number one and blood rushed into my face. I looked out the window, hoping to appear blasé about the topic.

"Why do we have to work on mine? I say we work on yours," I told him when my face had turned back to it's normal shade.

"Okay, we can…hmmm, let's see…I don't have my passport with me so no Scotland. It's a little too dark for skydiving but I'm down for a little Shakespeare."

I was well-aware that he was messing with me so I had no other option but to mess right on back.

"Ooh! Shakespeare! That sounds awesome! I actually brought some of his stuff with me so I can run up to my room and grab it, then we can sit in the living room and read."

I wasn't a bad actress; just ask Holly Laginski who played Pinocchio to my Jiminy Cricket in our second grade play. It wasn't a wasted effort because by the look on his face, he actually believed me.

"O-okay. That's not what I had in mind but…whatever you…"

I started laughing and he gave me the stink eye.

"Christ, I thought you were serious."

We pulled into Rose and Emmett's driveway behind the black rental Mercedes that was driven by The Hales. I shuddered at the thought of meeting them and having to pretend that I like them for Rosalie's benefit, especially knowing the reason they were there.

"Ugh…do we have to go in?" I asked.

Edward smiled his tenth mischievous smile of the day and opened his door. When he opened mine, I looked at him guardedly. "We're not going in, are we?"

"Nope" He popped the 'p', and winked at me.

His fingers threaded through mine again and I didn't really care, at that point, where we were going. He led me around the house, which was dark except for a few bedroom windows, including the one I was staying in. Rose had asked me to move all my shit in with Alice (exact words), since her parents were going to be sleeping in my room.

"Oh Crap!" I hissed. "Jasper is going to be sleeping with Alice tonight."

"I assume so, why?"

"All of my stuff is in her room because I was supposed to stay with her before Jasper came back." I knew I was whining but as it stood, I would be sleeping in my date clothes, location unknown.

"We'll think about that later, okay?" He kissed my forehead, his breath in my hair. "Come on."

He tugged me around to the back deck where a fire had been lit in in the steel fire pit down by the sand. There was a blanket laid out, a bottle of wine, some glasses and an extra blanket. It was a beautiful set-up and was impressed with Emmett until I saw the note that he had put down on the blanket, weighed down by a couple of rocks. Edward picked it up and read it out loud.

"Don't let my future in-laws see your junk. Have fun, Love Emmett."

I shook my head and took a deep breath in through my nostrils. "That is so…Emmett."

"Erase that note from your memory and tell me your thoughts on this?" He waved his hand over the blanket and raised his eyebrows.

"It's brilliant," I smiled.

"Good."

The wine made the fire just a little bit warmer but it still felt good to lay on the blanket with Edward, my head on his chest. His scent was invigorating, and my hand itched to slide underneath is shirt and feel his stomach. His chest, his abdomen, the nice little trail of hair that led to things that made my belly ache and insides groan like the rusted door of an old Chevy truck. The desire that I felt for Edward was alien, along with the overwhelming feelings I had for him but there was no way I could deny it. It affected me physically and mentally more than anyone else I had ever met. I found myself making silent promises to him: I'd never hurt him, I'd always listen, and I'd never forget him.

"Okay, I get that this is part of my bucket list but I don't see any stars," I said, taking a moment to look up into the sky. The stars were hidden by a thick layer of dark clouds that didn't look promising.

"I guess we'll have to do it again someday, then."

I took a deep breath and wondered if I really wanted to talk about what was on my mind. It would most likely ruin the evening for both of us, since the answer to my question wouldn't be what I wanted to hear. It would most likely put a large crack in my soul, but I needed to know from him where we stood before my heart would be completely over-taken by him.

My fingertips feathered over the skin of his neck in slow circles as I tried to manipulate the question in my head so it didn't seem so whiney and girl-like. He let out a soft moan of appreciation for the motion and squeezed me tightly to him.

"Edward?" My voice cracked as if it was warning me, knowing already that this question would end the evening.

"Hmmm?"

"Do you…" I breathed out a frustrated sigh, "…what's going to happen when the summer is over?"

"Well," he hesitated, "most likely the weather will turn colder, leaves will fall off the trees and in Chicago, where I'll be, there's no doubt I'll see snow."

The amazing thing about Edward is his uncanny ability to always make it all better. Instead of ripping off a band-aid, and only subjecting me to the searing pain for a few moments, he sprinkles some of his charm on it and the band-aid just falls off.

I pinched the skin on his side and he flinched, "Ow!"

"You know what I mean!" I laughed.

"I do, but I'm going to try and do everything I can to avoid the topic; but I guess discussing it is inevitable, right?"

I said nothing, confirming his point. Here comes the part where he tells me that it was fun while it lasted, but he's got a life in Chicago where Bella Swan doesn't exist.

He cleared his throat and absently played with one of my curls that were covering part of his chest. "What…what do you want to do?"

I sat up and leaned on my elbow, facing him.

"Truth?" I asked.

He furrowed his brows and his Adam's Apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed. "Of course."

"I…have this…erm…you know when you…" I rubbed my forehead with my fingers and let out a groan of frustration. I was the type of person who liked to rip that band-aid off in spite of the pain it caused for those few short moments. "I think I'm…no, I know I'm falling in love with you."

The surprise on his face mixed with the two glasses of red wine made me want to vomit. He opened his mouth to speak but then closed it; his shilly-shallying wreaking

havoc on my heart.

"Say something," I blurted.

"I…feel the same, Bella."

I let out a shaky breath. "Damn it, Edward! What took you so long to answer? And why are you looking at me like that? All pale and…"

His finger pressed to my lips, cutting off my rant.

"You're ruining the moment," he smirked.

I blinked at him and his finger left my lips, tracing along my cheek and then I lost track of it because his lips crashed into mine. It took me a second, but I found my bearings and fell into synch with him, moving with him and against him in delicious ways. When I fell back, he turned onto his side and covered me with his body. I felt protected and vulnerable and my inside ached for him to be closer even though it was nearly impossible for him to be so.

My hands tugged through his hair and along his back, clutching to him and fisting his shirt. I begged him with my body; silent requests that weren't exactly clear to my own mind. His shirt came up, and my hand ran along his spine; my nails digging into the soft flesh they found. His knee settled between my legs and it took every ounce of strength not to buck my hips into him. The small amount of modesty I had left was screaming obscenities and calling me horrible names as one of his hands wandered between my breasts, over my stomach and past my hips. It found it's place underneath my dress, grabbing the bare flesh of my thigh. That hand did things to my thigh, registering the nerves there; sending messages to a part of my body not far from where it gripped me.

He broke the kiss so we could both fill our lungs with much needed oxygen, but followed up with kissing my cheek, my neck, my shoulder, oh my. His breath covered my neck, and I was so damn hot. I was sure I was sweating but any concerns flew out the window when those wonderful fingers attached to the hand on my thigh traveled slowly to the sensitive place I craved for them to be. I bent my leg and hitched it over his for encouragement. His erection was pressed firmly into my hip through his jeans. Christ, I wanted to be naked.

The tip of his finger swept along the hem of my panties and my body gave me no option of holding back. My hips thrust toward his hand, and I let out an incredibly loud moan. He was so close, half an inch from touching me and I could feel myself ready for him.

"Is this okay?" he asked, his finger sweeping along my panties a second time.

I let out a guttural grunt, his touch causing the exact opposite reaction than what I was used to. The control and containment that his magic touch typically caused in me was discarded and now my body was on autopilot, reacting with carnal need.

"God…yes," I hissed.

I felt him smile against my throat as I pulled him impossibly closer to me. His fingers gently swept over me, my panties still intact and the ache in my abdomen tripled. If this was what if felt for him to touch me over my clothes, I was sure any restraint I had when it came to my modesty would dissipate when they were removed.

His finger found it, the most sensitive place on my body and placed delightful pressure on me; rubbing and moving in just the right way to make me move my hips and moan.

Bucket list number one, here I come! Pun intended.

Just when my breaking point was seconds away, something hard and wet hit me directly in the forehead. I tried to ignore it. Pick up where I left off with the writhing and groaning and eventual climax but it hit me again, just under my eye. Raindrops.

"I'm getting wet," It came out, unintentionally, like a moan.

"I can feel that, baby," he whispered into my neck.

My face flamed when I realized what I said and what he thought I meant.

"Uh…I mean…it's raining."

As soon as his fingers stopped moving and he looked up at me, the heavens decided to let loose. Apparently, it had been sprinkling for the past several minutes but we had been too distracted to notice. It took a direct hit to my forehead for anything outside our bodies to really matter.

We were soaked by the time we got into the house through the back door. Our feet squeaked against the tile and I shivered as the cold from the air conditioner hit my wet skin.

"My room?" Edward whispered.

I nodded, barely containing my enthusiasm. We trudged up the stairs, leaving footprints of wet carpet behind us. Rosalie would have our heads in the morning. Before going to Edward's room, I made a stop in the bathroom where I freshened up a little by running my fingers through my hair and brushing my teeth. When I creaked open the door to his room, his wet clothes had been removed and he was standing in a pair of flannel pajama pants and nothing else. They sat low on his hips, the trail of hair on his lower abdomen disappearing into the drawstring waistline. His hair, wet and disorderedly, was the sexiest thing I had ever seen. My fingers twitched to touch it; move it away from his face, tug it and pull him to me.

Edward gave me the once over, his eyes finding mine in the dim light of the lamp. "You are wet."

I blushed, remembering our earlier exchange outside. "You wouldn't happen to have some extra clothes that I could wear, would you?"

"I do but Alice left you some of your own on the bed."

I made a mental note to thank Alice the next day as I grabbed up the pajama pants and tank top that she had put on the bed.

"I'll just…be right back," Edward said, his facial expression tense and his lips pressed tightly together.

"Okay, thanks."

After he had left the room, I quickly peeled my dress off along with my panties and bra which were completely drenched. I slipped on my dry clothes and ran my fingers through my hair again, occasionally catching on knots and tangles. The rain was relentless, pounding at the balcony outside Edward's room. The glass pane of the door shook as the rain slapped at it violently. Rosalie's herb garden was just as dead as ever; each little plant seemed to lean toward the door hoping for assisted suicide into the black stormy night. I smiled at the visual: Plant euthanasia.

Edward came back in holding two bottles of water, and an extra blanket.

"Are you sure it's okay for me to sleep in here? I can…" I started.

"Bella, it's more than okay for you to sleep in here. I promise to behave myself, and I'll even sleep on the floor if you want me to." He held up the extra blanket as an offering of his proposition.

"What if I don't want you to behave?" It came out of my mouth before I had the sense to think through what I was saying.

He approached me slowly, his eyes growing darker and his muscles in his chest flexed as he reached out to me. The moment his forehead touched mine, I was at full alert. His fingertips traced a line along my shoulders, a gentle and affectionate gesture intended to comfort me. Lightening flashed outside and a rumble of thunder followed immediately. The storm was upon us, sitting heavy on Miami and unloading it's burden.

"You don't even know…" He appeared startled at the sound of his own voice but recovered quickly. "Why are you here? With me?"

He didn't wait for me to respond as if the answer would frighten him. His kiss was fierce and determined, something there that I hadn't felt before coming from him. I returned it with fervor, my hands gliding up his stomach, finding purchase on his chest. The muscles there tensed and relaxed as he grabbed at me, pulling me to him.

I whimpered when his lips pulled away from mine. The absence of his skin against mine was becoming even more physically disturbing each instance. His arousal was pressed into my lower abdomen, creating the smallest amount of delicious friction.

"Do you trust me?" he asked into my neck.

"With my soul." I know my answer was slightly dramatic but I really meant it. I would give and he could take anything from me.

His breath was heavy on my neck as his hands went up my shirt; my gasp audible when his thumbs grazed the underside of my breasts. He was taking too long, his leisurely caresses driving me to the brink of insanity. His eyes went wide as I yanked my tank top off and tossed it on the floor beside our feet.

"I was getting there," he smirked, "but I'm all for you doing it yourself. Next time, could you do it slower and dance a little?"

I laughed at him, the tension that had built in my muscles from the uncharacteristic move I had just made, evaporated. This man was so fucking perfect. Sure, he made funny little groaning noises when he ate sometimes and he wasn't the tidiest person I had ever met but he did so many things right. His heart was so kind, his hands so gentle and his mind so open.

We laid down in his bed, me on my back and him between my bent legs finally actually looking at me since I had discarded my shirt. His hands cupped my breasts and his thumbs moved over my nipples, and my back arched involuntarily. The pupils of his eyes dilated as he looked at me and his chest heaved with breath.

I only had flashes of the next several minutes; his mouth on my nipples, my hands pinned above me, the embarrassing noises that escaped from my throat. His hand found my waistband and crept underneath, his fingers glided over the bareness there.

"Christ!" he hissed.

His fingers worked over me, rubbing in circles and finding my entrance. I gulped as it hovered there, his eyes looked into mine for permission. I didn't know what to do in cases like this, but giving the verbal go-ahead didn't seem appropriate so I nodded to him, once. One finger moved slowly into me, as his thumb continued it's ministrations on my sensitive center.

"Oh…God…Edward," I moaned.

He added another finger and my hips started moving with him. I clutched onto his arm as if I needed help to keep from floating away. The familiar ache was building in my lower abdomen and my legs twitched around him.

"Sweet Bella," he whispered, "your body is so incredible. I can't wait to feel every part of you…I can't wait to be inside you."

That's all I needed to fly over the edge, pulsing around his two fingers. My back raised off the bed and the noise that came out of me was obscene and addictive. I wanted to make that sound again; hopefully really soon.

I came down off my high, and looked at him. He was watching me with a smile on his face .

"Oh sweet heavens…thank you," I told him.

I reached down and felt his erection through his thin cotton pants; waiting patiently for it's own attention.

"You don't have to do that." His tone was rough and pleading with me to not believe him so I didn't.

I pushed gently on his shoulder and with little coaxing, he was on his back looking at me. It was intimidating to say the least but instead of fretting about what to do and if I was doing it right, I followed the sounds of his voice. When I pulled the front of his pants down and wrapped my hand around him, I didn't think about it being the first time I had touched a man like that before. When I watched his face crinkle and listened to his chest rumble with pleasure as I stroked my hand up and down his length, I didn't wonder if I was doing it right. As he came all over my hand and his stomach, the only thoughts that came to my mind was how beautiful he was and how alive I felt with him beside me.

* * *

I awoke to the oddest smell. The recognizable odor swept through my nostrils and attacked my brain making sleep impossible. I turned over, my eyes refusing to open, and padded the bed next to me with my hand, finding empty space. As my brain grew more alert by the second, I could slowly label the offending smells that rudely woke me up from my dreams. They were herbs: Basil, Thyme, Oregano, and was that mint?

"Ugh!" I groaned, as I pulled the covers around me and propped myself up on my elbows in bed. "What is that…"

My complaint was cut off by the sight of Edward, sitting shirtless in the chair beside the bed. Hopefully, he hadn't made me breakfast and I was just about to insult it's aroma.

"Morning," he smiled.

"Hey." I bit my lip and avoided his eyes. Suddenly, I was aware that all I had on was pants and the memory of the night before passed briefly in my mind. While at the time, I hadn't worried about technique or modesty but now as the morning sun cast itself on my bare skin, I was insecure.

"How did you sleep?" he asked.

"Really good until I smelled…something." Not wanting to insult a meal he had made me, I tried to be vague.

"Yeah, it woke me up too." His smile grew wider and he put the tip of his thumb into his mouth, chewing on the nail. I was relieved that it wasn't any kind of food that I would be expected to eat.

"What is it?" I asked, making a disgusted face. "Don't tell me that is something Rose is whipping up for breakfast. I love the woman but I can't eat that many spices that early in the morning. It smells Italian. I've never had Italian for breakfast but something tells me that I wouldn't like it. Are there Italian things you can eat for breakfast? I suppose there has to be because…"

"Bella," Edward cut me off. "You're rambling and it's kind of cute but I'd really like to answer your question."

I smiled as he sat forward on the chair, his elbows resting on his knees. "You know what Italians eat for breakfast?"

"Biscotti dipped in coffee but that's not the question I was going to answer. That smell," he said, looking toward the glass pane door to his room, "is Rosalie's herb garden."

My mouth fell open and my eyes nearly bugged out of my head. "When did she bring those in here? I can't believe I slept through that."

"She didn't bring these in here," he told me.

I scowled. "What do you mean? How did they get here?"

He paused, his mouth open but silent then he moved over to the bed to sit beside me. "They've been here all summer."

I shook my head. "No, that's impossible. Those plants were near death last night! Is this a joke?"

His eyes grew impossibly wide. "Jesus, no, Bella! I wouldn't…" He took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair. "I'm just as amazed as you are but…I think…it has something to do with you."

This was a new revelation. I had broken things; made things irreparable my whole life but I had never given anything life before. This was a whole new variety of freak. Just when I thought my life couldn't be anymore fucked up. Is this what would happen every time I had an orgasm? Things would come to life? I could be some sort of magical prostitute with the perfect slogan: "Give me an orgasm and I'll bring Fluffy back from the grave!"

My hands covered my face because I felt ashamed and embarrassed. The sheet fell off my chest but covering my expression of revulsion was more important than keeping me from flashing Edward. I felt the bed shift, and the sheet was pulled up gently around me. The protective act of kindness forced a sob from my throat.

"Bella, this is…" he started.

"Weird? Repulsive? Extraordinarily abnormal?" Not to add anything to the list but my voice was also irritatingly whiny. I was ready to bust out with "why me" and "what did I do to deserve this", but Edward spoke first.

"It's remarkable. Miraculous. Absolutely beautiful."

I peeked out between my fingers and, damn it, if he didn't look sincere. My hands fell away and he gently picked them up off my lap and brought each hand to his lips. After I scrambled out of bed, sheet coverage forgotten, I crawled onto his lap. My arms flew around his neck and I hugged him fiercely.

"I hope you're not disappointed," I mumbled into his shoulder.

His muscles tensed underneath me. "Why would I be disappointed?"

"Well, there goes having sex in a cemetery," I told him. "I hope that wasn't on your bucket list."

I practically whistled on my way down the stairs after I showered and got ready for the day. Sneaking into Alice's room that morning wearing nothing but a towel had been the low point of the morning. The high point had to have been the making out I had done with Edward after I had discovered the new qualities of my gift. I learned that having a little freak-out can earn you serious mercy kisses in all kinds of interesting places.

"…don't understand, Mr. Hale, what exactly you are trying to say." I heard Emmett's stressed voice coming from the back room of the house where most of us rarely go. It was more of a sitting room; a place for Rose to decorate like an old woman. Doilies and frilly blue curtains were the trademark of this room, and I swore it smelled like potpourri.

Out of morbid curiosity, I peeked through the crack of the door to find Emmett staring out the big bay window overlooking the ocean. His arms akimbo and his stature stiff, I could tell this was not a good conversation.

"Emmett, I'm only giving you an alternative to…"

Mr. Hale was cut off by Emmett's growling voice. "An alternative to what? Spending the rest of my life with the woman I love?"

The man on the sofa, presumably Mr. Hale, uncrossed his legs and leaned forward. He combed through his sandy brown hair with his fingertips, even though he had lost most of it on top, and stared at Emmett's back.

"Half a million dollars, Emmett," he said. "Imagine what you could do with that kind of money."

Emmett turned around and if I had been on the other end of that look, I would have gone fetal and cried. His lips pressed tightly together, the muscles of his body tense and flexed; he was like an animal just waiting for someone stupid enough to unlock the cage.

Mr. Hale stood up and put his hands in his pockets, unaffected by Emmet's rage. "You can't tell me that this house isn't the biggest financial mistake either of you have ever made." Emmett looked down at his feet, a sign of fleeting embarrassment. "This money could save you and Rosalie from a great deal of trouble down the road."

"And what? I would just break it off with her…just like that?" Emmett seethed.

"It's easier than it sounds, Emmett." He let out a solemn chuckle. "In fact, years down the road you'll probably thank me."

Emmett's face squished up in either thought or disgust, I wasn't sure because sometimes his reactions can be unreadable. There were times when you'd think he was contemplating life's great mysteries when all he was trying to do was pass a difficult fart.

While Emmett was doing whatever he was doing, Mr. Hale sat down and took a nice gulp of amber colored liquor out of a clear glass. He set it back down on the coffee table, waiting for Emmett to come to a decision. The more I watched him, the more infuriated I became with him. His desire for his own happiness over his daughter's was immoral and repulsive. I could feel the burning in my abdomen and the tightness in my throat. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, quietly exhaling over my shoulder.

When I opened them, Emmett had walked over to Mr. Hale, towering over him like a giant. He held out his hand, an offering of a handshake. My own hands shook, as I silently pleaded with Emmett to not let this happen.

How could he?

Mr. Hale shook his hand with a small smile on his face; the glass of amber liquid sloshed in the glass with the movement. "You've made a good decision, Emmett."

"I know I have, Mr. Hale, because you have just solidified my feelings for Rose." The smile vanished from the opposite man's face and I allowed myself a soundless fist pump. "There is nothing that you could give me that would keep me from marrying that girl."

The sandy-haired man tried to pull his hand out of Emmett's but he wouldn't let go. Instead, the man's future son-in-law moved forward, almost nose to nose, and growled at him. "Nothing."

My adrenaline was pumping, and I craved Edward's touch like air. Then I felt it, his hands on my bare shoulders. His breath on my neck. I needed him and he came, out of nowhere, like he had heard my inner voice calling out to him.

"What 'cha doing?" he whispered in my ear.

I glanced at Emmett who was back to looking out the window, and then at Mr. Hale who had decided that one scotch in the morning just wasn't enough. His hands were unsteady as he tipped the bottle and filled up his glass.

Edward's hands gripped my shoulders and his lips touched the nape of my neck.

That's when I had an idea. As soon as I pictured it in my mind, the glass he was holding slanted toward him in a flash, as if an invisible hand had slapped it. He cursed as the scotch drenched the front of his yellow polo shirt. I ducked out of the way and pulled Edward with me; my back leaning against the wall.

"What are you doing?" Edward laughed. "What's going on in there?"

"N-nothing…just…"

Mr. Hale opened the cracked door to the room and stomped past us, not even acknowledging our presence. Edward's eyes widened at the large wet stain on his shirt before he turned the corner and headed for the kitchen.

"Did you…did you do that?"

I bit my lip and smirked. "I had good reason."

After I found a isolated location, I repeated the discussion I had heard between Rose's father and Emmett. He was just as angry as I was and he gave me an "atta girl" in the form of a butt squeeze for the use of my mind skills to ruin Mr. Hale's shirt.

"How did you control it?" he asked.

I told myself that shrugging wasn't exactly a lie if you didn't actually speak.

Rose introduced us to her Mom, Prudence, when we joined everyone out on the back deck. She was slender with blond straight hair down to her shoulders. She wore enough mascara to make my eyes water when I watched her blink, and her face had been tucked tightly one too many times. She sipped on a Mimosa, which Rose had served to all of us on a gold platter.

"You're such a good hostess, Rose," Prudence grinned. "Next thing we know, you'll be serving breakfast at the local Denny's!" It was a poor attempt at a joke. We all knew how sensitive Rose was about her job since it was her own Mother's opinion that women were made to look pretty on the arm of wealthy business man.

I narrowed my eyes at her, and Edward wrapped his arm around my shoulders telling me to calm it down a notch. I had to be careful now that I knew what I was capable of. To quote the philosopher, Seneca, "He is most powerful who has power over himself." In other words, I had to have the will power to keep myself from popping the bags of silicone that lay under Prudence Hale's silk blouse in order to keep my gift from taking control of my actions.

For the past six weeks, dinner had always been comfortable. There was usually some friendly bickering and if were lucky, an acoustic fireworks display of various gasses courtesy of the men (and Rose on occasion). Uncomfortable was an understatement when we sat down to enjoy the dinner made solely by Emmett. He had baked a large ham, mashed potatoes, peas and dinner rolls. Prudence's expression, as she sat down at the table, was a mixture of amusement and disgust.

"So, do you cook a lot, Emmett?" she asked as all of us piled food onto our plates.

"Not really," he replied, "only for special occasions."

Emmett smiled at her, and poured gravy onto his potatoes. There was a noticeable change in him ever since I had heard the conversation in the sitting room. He seemed more confident and less concerned about impressing his guests. I had a feeling the only reason he was still in their presence was the blond sitting next to him.

Silence ensued for a majority of the meal; the only sounds were the clinking of forks against Rosalie's best China and an occasional throat being cleared. This was okay. I could handle this. Maybe I wouldn't have to…

"So, Bella, what is it that you do?" She pronounced my name like it was difficult to say.

"I teach first grade," I answered.

A small condescending smile graced her lips. "I always said that teachers don't get paid nearly enough for babysitting brats all day long."

Of course, everything revolved around the dollar amount on your paycheck.

I reached under the table and found Edward's bare knee, thankful he had chosen to wear shorts. He flinched a little at the sudden contact but promptly relaxed.

"What is it that you do, Mrs. Hale?" I smiled.

She dabbed her mouth with a napkin. "I hold several charity functions a year. It's quite the job, considering the amount of people that attend them. Why, we've even had George W. Bush attend the Gala Ball last year for…uh…which charity was it that was for, darling?"

William Hale let out an ambiguous grunt as he finished off another glass of scotch.

"Oh, does it matter? Anyway, he came with his wife and they sat a few seats down from us. It was…" she sucked in a breath and exhaled, "thrilling."

Prudence lifted her fork, which held exactly three peas, halfway to her mouth. "Alice, have you lost weight? You're looking mighty thin."

Alice picked her fork up and shook her head, shyly. "No, Mrs. Hale, I don't think so."

"Well, Jasper has always liked scrawny girls," she grinned. "No offense."

Alice shook her head and worked up a smile but I could see her shoulders fall. I could practically feel the wind being knocked out of her.

Prudence lifted the fork to her lips but the peas had somehow fallen off, disappearing into the low cut v-neck of her blouse. I bit my lip to keep from grinning as she shifted uncomfortably in her seat; unwilling to go digging for the three peas gone astray.

"Mom, that's a ridiculous thing to say." Jasper scowled at her and put his arm around the back of Alice's chair. "Can't you just be nice for once?"

She forgot about the peas and put on a show of being innocent. "All I'm saying is that Alice is a tiny girl and that's what you seem to be attracted to." She lifted another forkful of peas, and it hovered above her plate as she continued to speak. Rosalie's eyes shifted back and forth between her mother and Jasper. Emmett and Edward were watching their plates as if their ham had suddenly started doing a nudey dance. William belched silently and leaned back in his chair. "After all, I'm just concerned."

As soon as she lifted the fork a fraction, I squeezed Edward's knee and the peas slid down into the great depths of Prudence's wrinkling cleavage. Damn, I was good. She squirmed and made some sort of small grunting noise.

"Talk about your charities," Jasper told her. "That seems to keep you happy."

Her mouth fell open. "Jasper! That is enough."

By the end of dinner, Prudence Hale had a handful of peas and a small piece of ham lodged in between her breasts. She grumbled into her napkin and an uneasy expression crossed over her features but she kept herself from breaking the rules of high society and going in for a dig.

"So, Emmett, have you had any luck with finding a job?" she asked after several more minutes of silence.

"I've had some interviews," he told her.

"The dinner is amazing, Emmett," I cut in. I didn't like where this conversation was going and I could foresee embarrassment in his future.

Everyone else chimed in with compliments for Emmett's food; even William raised his glass in his direction.

"But, you haven't had any luck so I can't imagine how you're going to be able to support a wife." Prudence Hale was a cold hearted relentless bitch.

The good part was: Prudence Hale was a cold hearted bitch with a full glass of red wine. Somehow, that full glass of wine tipped right over. Unfortunately, for Prudence, that full glass of red wine tipped in her direction. An even bigger ill-fated circumstance for Prudence Hale, was the area rug had bunched up mysteriously behind her chair. The chair that was abruptly pushed away from the table to avoid the spilled wine.

Prudence Hale was now a cold hearted bitch with a possible concussion.

**A/N: So...yeah. My first lime. Fail? Pass? Go back to school? Talk to me, peeps. There's more of The Hales in the next chapter. If you've never heard "Islands in The Stream" by Kenny Rogers & Dolly Parton, go have a listen and picture E+B belting it out instead. What song would you sing with Edward on the karaoke machine?**


	14. Chapter 14 Heavy Hearts

**A/N- Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing. You guys are awesome. My motto for this chapter is "fluff is for pussies"-get ready for some angst. **

**Disclaimer: Props to SM-she owns it all**

**Chapter song: "Heavy in Your Arms"-Florence and The Machine**

* * *

After dinner, Alice and I cleaned up the kitchen while everyone else retired to the living room to sit through more awkward conversation and/or silence. I wondered ludicrously if watching television was too low class for the Hales. How do they even buy things like televisions and furniture? I pictured them in Wal-Mart and snorted to myself.

"What's so funny?" Alice snapped the dishwasher closed and turned it on.

"Nothing," I answered. "Hey, don't let yourself get upset over what that woman in there said to you. You're doing great and I'd _kill_ for your ass."

Alice giggled. "First of all, that woman will be the death of me one day. Second, Edward _loves _your ass; you should keep it."

I raised my eyebrows. "And you know this how?"

She shrugged a shoulder. "Jasper told me."

I opened my mouth and closed it a few times before answering, "I'm not sure if I should be disturbed or flattered that A. Edward is discussing my ass with Jasper and B. Jasper is discussing my ass with you."

Alice rolled her eyes and wiped down the counter. I really hadn't helped clean up, I just realized, but watched Alice instead. To ease the guilt, I swiped at the stove with my hand a little.

"I wasn't discussing your ass with Jasper…stop doing that, now I'm going to have to vacuum….we were talking about you and Edward; we think you guys are cute together."

"Somehow I can't conceive of Jasper using the word, 'cute' when talking about Edward and I."

"Okay, I said 'cute'. His philosophy is 'whatever makes you happy'; and both of you seem pretty happy," she smiled.

"We've only went out on one date," I told her. "How can you tell by one date that we're happy?"

She grinned wickedly at me. "Last night, I got thirsty and came down into the kitchen…before the storm." My eyes grew wide. "I just happened to look out back and saw you looking very happy."

"Damn. Bitches don't get any privacy around here," I grumbled.

Edward walked in just as Alice was finished sweeping up the crumbs I had swiped onto the floor in my attempt at lending a hand. He stretched his arms over his head and I watched his biceps flex and his body tense as he let out a pleasant groan.

"I had to get out of there. They just brought up politics and I'm not getting near that conversation with a ten foot pole," he grumbled. "The kitchen looks good."

Alice opened her mouth to speak but I cut in, "Thanks. I did most of it."

"What?" Alice shrieked. She turned to Edward but pointed her finger at me. "She did nothing but talk about how big your…"

Luckily, I had good reflexes so I was able to cover her mouth with my palm before the most embarrassing part of that sentence left her mouth.

Edward blinked at us, looking amused; his face turning a nice shade of pink but nowhere near the shade of pink that was smeared across mine. I gave Alice a look and I could feel her smile beneath my hand.

"You be good or I'll tell Prudence that you're a Democrat," I hissed. Her eyes widened with panic and she clutched my free hand in silent plea. I dropped my hand, and cocked an eyebrow at her. "You know I'd never do that to you."

"Who wants to go out to the pool?" Edward asked, probably terrified the discussion about the size of his male anatomy wasn't completely over.

"I'm game," I smiled at him. "Alice?"

"I better go in there and pretend to enjoy myself. You guys are lucky; not dating a Hale and all." She hung the washrag over the sink and let her eyes wander over the kitchen in search of some dirt that she possibly missed.

After some serious consideration, I lifted the lid off one of Rosalie's cooking canisters and stuck my hand in. With a grin, I pulled it out and sprinkled flour all over the kitchen tile then clapped my hands together, creating a visible puff of white dust.

Alice raised her eyebrows at me. "You…" she sighed, "are like the best fucking friend in the world."

I walked out the back door with Edward, and we kicked off our flip flops.

"So, were you discussing the girth or length," he asked, a smirk playing at his lips.

My toes froze in mid-swipe of the pool water and I blinked at him. "Actually, we were talking about the discussion you had with Jasper about my ass."

His eyed widened slightly and his smirk turned into a full out grin. "Well, it is nice."

I sat down and dunked my feet in the warm water and leaned back on the palms of my hands. Edward crouched down to follow suit but the sound of his phone ringing stopped his movement.

"Damn it," he cursed. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and looked at it. "It's Carlisle…I'll be right back." He smiled apologetically at me as he got up and retreated back to the house. I nodded as if I knew who Carlisle was and how important it was that his call didn't go unanswered.

My feet played in the water, back and forth and then figure-eights, gliding smoothly through the chlorinated water with little effort. The sun was starting to set in the distance creating a pinkish hue over the dark waters of the Atlantic. I wondered what the weather was like in Seattle, and I pictured the city I knew so well in my head. The tall buildings, the grey skies, the view of the Space Needle from my bedroom window. So much had changed since the last time I took in that view. I didn't even feel like the same person, anymore.

"Are you hiding out here?"

I turned around and Rosalie's father was watching me, his shoulder leaning against the doorway and his hand clutching that familiar glass of scotch.

"Just enjoying the view," I told him curtly.

"Mmm…yes." His reply was on the creepy side as his eyes swam over my bare legs.

"So, Miss. Swan…" he started.

"Bella," I corrected him. "Unless you're wearing a badge or have your own special set of colored pencils, you can call me Bella."

The corners of his mouth twitched. "Bella," he said as if trying out the word, "how is the teaching profession going for you?"

I turned away from him, unable to look into his eyes; the conversation he had with Emmett still fresh in my brain. "It's good. I love it."

He walked closer to me and sat in a chair beside the pool. I could smell the scotch as he leaned forward, toward me. "It's true, though, what Pru was saying about teachers being very underappreciated in the financial department. Honestly, I don't know how you do it with inflation on the rise. You have your mortgage, groceries, car payment…"

"Do you have a point?" He was starting to piss me off. I didn't have a mortgage or a car payment but that wasn't any of his concern.

His eyes brows flickered at my obvious animosity. "You don't like us very much, do you?"

"No, I don't but I love your daughter."

He chuckled. "Yes, I seem to hear that from everyone I talk to in this house."

My feet started getting more violent with the water, sloshing and kicking a little at it. I focused on the rush of water flowing between my toes as I filled my lungs with breath, then released in a slow whoosh through my lips.

_Breathe, Bella, just breathe_.

"You know, Rosalie wasn't always so pragmatic. When she was little, she used to dream of marrying a prince. All the details were planned out perfectly and God forbid you tell her she couldn't have any of it. She wanted a huge wedding with bouquets of flowers. I think at one point, she decided on twenty bridesmaids," he laughed. He watched my reaction; I was concentrating on remaining neutral. "Do you think that Emmett can provide that for her?"

_Breathe. Just Breathe._

"When I was little, I wanted to marry Brad Pitt and have a never ending supply of Macaroni and Cheese. Who's going to make that dream come true?" I seethed.

My goal was to piss him off and make him leave me alone but all it did was widen his smile. This was an absolute test of my gift. I hadn't been this angry since the "alley clash".

"Emmett is not good for her, Bella. She deserves someone who can make all her dreams come true and someone who can provide for her. Do you think that just because they live in this big house on the beach that she is happy? Do you think that she will have everything that she's ever dreamed of if she marries that man in there? She won't and in return, it will end in disaster. That's why I'm asking you to help me." I pulled my legs out of the pool and stood up, with my arms crossed over my chest. He rose out of his chair and towered over me, a form of purposeful intimidation. "Of course, I'll pay you."

"There are so many things wrong with…"

"Twenty thousand dollars…imagine what that can do for you. All you have to do is make yourself available to Emmett. Get him drunk…take advantage of him." His eyes were wide for being so hammered and the creep factor was turning into a crazy factor.

I threw my head back and let out a laugh. "You think that…you want me to seduce Emmett? Break them up? You…" I pointed my finger at him, poking him in the chest in the process, "are a wretched old drunk with a bitch of a wife who is delusional and classless. Oh, and you have too much fucking money."

I tried to walk past him but he grabbed my arm, stopping me. Desperation apparent on his face. This was his last chance to "rescue" his baby girl from the claws of the big bad penniless giant.

"If you don't let go of me, I'm going to…"

"If you saw how many wealthy and successful men, friends of ours, who want to marry Rosalie and take care of her…maybe you wouldn't be so quick to judge. The difference between what could be and what will be is remarkable if she marries Emmett," he seethed. "I figured by looking at you, that you'd take me up on my offer in a heartbeat."

I couldn't figure out at the moment whether he was calling me poor or a whore, but I didn't think on it for longer than a few seconds. Neither one was particularly flattering. As the unbridled rage built up inside me, the chair William had been sitting in flew into the pool. _Nice. That helped a lot_. As he turned to watch the chair sink to the bottom of the pool, I pulled my arm out of his grasp.

He turned back to me, resembling a bulldog. His eyes wide and bloodshot, lower jaw protruding and the smallest amount of drool seeping from the corner of his mouth.

"You are nothing but a useless whore!" he growled.

I turned my back on him, prepared to walk away from the house entirely, until the Hales had departed, but ran smack-dab into Edward's chest. There was no question that he had heard at least part of the conversation because I had only seen this side of Edward once before. He was looking at William Hale in the same manner as he regarded Jake in that alley. His eyes bulging and his jaw clenched; his shoulders tense and fists squeezed into shaky balls of impending violence. I was torn. Part of me wanted to stop this, keep him from beating the shit out of the middle-aged drunk behind me. The other part of me wanted to whip off my shorts and hump his leg because while angry Edward was terrifying, he was also the hottest thing I had ever fucking seen.

"What did you just say to her?" Edward's voice was careful and rather calm considering his body language.

"Edward, let's just…" I started but the dumb ass behind me had a death wish.

"I think you heard me," he said. I heard the sound of glass against glass. He was setting his drink down.

Edward moved around me and stood face to face with William. I grabbed his arm and tugged, trying desperately to keep this from escalating into physical violence. Not that I cared if Edward creamed him, but the man had to have ten lawyers on speed dial. He could make Edward's life a living hell, if he wanted.

"If you ever…_ever_ talk to Bella again, I will…" Edward took a deep breath and the arm that I was tugging on, relaxed minutely, "…it won't be good for you." Then he turned around, grabbed my hand, and pulled me behind him toward the house.

"You're a smart guy, Edward, knowing what's at stake!" he yelled at us.

Edward turned around and glared at him. "The reason that you aren't laid out on the ground right now is not because of fear. It's because you're Rose and Jasper's father."

In the kitchen, Alice had somehow managed to spill some sort of liquid on the floor. She was on her hands and knees soaking it up with a towel when we stormed in. She was really milking the cleaning the kitchen thing.

"What happened?" she asked when she saw our grim expressions.

"Later, Al," I squeaked out as Edward tugged me with him.

We bypassed the living room and went straight up the stairs, Edward practically dragging me the entire way. He slammed his door shut behind us and let go of my hand to rub his palms over his face.

"Thank you but you didn't have to…I had it under control," I told him. While I wanted to let him know I appreciated his manly protection, I didn't need rescuing this time.

He grabbed his half empty duffel bag and flung it across the room. It hit the wall with a thud and sank to the floor. The incoherent curses and the roughness of his movements was putting me on edge. Then he looked at me as if he had forgotten I was there.

"Bella, just…please…just…" he trailed off.

He flopped down on the bed, and fell onto his back with his face covered by his fingers. I just stood there sensing his desire to be left alone but unwilling to be in same room with any of the Hales at this point.

"Edward, are you more upset about what happened by the pool or the phone call?" I knew it was stupid to ask such things when tempers were flaring and the memory of the past ten minutes was so fresh in his brain but I couldn't just stand there and watch him fall apart.

He looked up at me, the torment evident on his face. "Can we…can I just be alone, Bella? Just for a little while?"

I wanted to argue that he's the one who dragged me in here but I kept my mouth shut. His eyes closed but the pain was resistant; a tear fell down his cheek and he wiped it away with a jerk of his hand.

With a nod he wouldn't see, I turned away toward the door, a vision of my Mother unexpectedly filling my mind. My hand was on the knob when I realized that I couldn't leave him alone like this; with terrible thoughts and feelings raging through his body. I didn't know what tortured him but he needed to know that I wouldn't just leave when times got tough. I stepped over a pile of clothes, a book and a couple of CD's until I sat down on the wicker chair beside his bed.

I knew what I needed to do. The key to anyone opening up is vulnerability. No one wants to be weak; it's survival instincts no matter what species you are. If you show your weakness, you're bound to get eaten alive. I needed to show him that I wouldn't destroy him during his frailest moments. To do that, I had to show him that I trusted him.

The guitar sat by his bed as if it were calling me, and I found the pick sitting on the his nightstand just within reach. I pulled it toward my chest, hugging it, asking it to do my bidding. I strummed once and got no reaction from him; not a single muscle moved, and his eyes remained tightly closed. I wasn't even sure if he was breathing.

Then I started playing. It was the only song I could play, and my breath shook as I realized that I had never played this for anyone, even Alice. The memories that took over me when I heard it, played it, sang it were crucial to this moment. There was no going back once the first words escaped from my throat.

"_If I should stay, well, I will only be in your way. And so I'll go, and yet I know that I'll think of you each step of my way and I will always love you…" _I held back a sob and closed my eyes. I couldn't stand to see the questions in his eyes if he decided to look up at me. _"Bittersweet memories, that is all I have and all I'm taking with me, so goodbye. Oh, please don't cry, cause we both know that I'm not what you need…" _I remembered it so clearly; how is that so possible, to remember something from so long ago? I could still smell the cigarette smoke on her breath, feel her collarbone pressing into my cheek, remember the way she swayed back and forth creating this little bubble of calmness that surrounded the two of us.

"_And I hope life treats you kind, and I hope that you have all that you ever dreamed of. Oh, I do wish you joy and I wish you happiness but above all this, I wish you love…"_ She whispered those words to me, her warm breath in my ear as she held me tight. _"…I will always love you."_

When the song ended, I stopped the movement of my fingers but gripped the guitar as if it were holding me to this earth; keeping me from flying back into time to that moment. Slowly, I opened my eyes and I felt the warm tears being unleashed, attacking my cheeks. Edward had sat up on the bed, his back against the wall, with sadness reflected in his eyes.

"Renee loved to sing. Her favorite type of music was old time country like Loretta Lynn or Johnny Cash but she adored Dolly Parton. It seemed to be the only thing that made her truly happy for a while. She'd turn it up, take my hand and twirl me around the living room," I laughed at the memory and wiped my cheeks with the back of my hand. Edward kept his gaze on me, his eyes glassy and bloodshot. "One night, I had a nightmare. I can't remember what it was but I screamed out for her. She came in, and wrapped me in her arms like any mother would do. I cried so hard on her shoulder but she just rubbed my back and shushed me. When I stopped crying, I thought she would go back to bed but instead…instead, she picked me up and clutched onto me. Then she sang me that song." I didn't think twice about my tear stained nightgown or the few extra minutes she watched me before she walked out of my room. "She disappeared the next day."

A horrible sounding sob broke free from me and I broke the promise I had made to myself so long ago: That I'd never cry for her again. Edward looked helpless and I couldn't blame him. There was always question around someone shedding tears: To comfort or not to comfort. I wanted to feel him, his body next to mine, but I didn't hold it against him when he didn't move off the bed. "I didn't think twice about it at the time, it was just so nice to…to…to feel her holding me like that." I shook my head frantically, remembering the millions of times I rehearsed that memory in my mind. "I didn't…but I always remembered it. When I moved in with Charlie, I played it obsessively because it reminded me of her. It didn't hit me until a couple of years later that she was actually telling me goodbye that night."

His voice broke me from a trance when he softly said, "I'm sorry, Bella."

I took a deep breath and exhaled, "It's…okay. I didn't tell you that for pity. I wanted to…"

"My mother is sick."

My eyes widened and I froze, afraid that if I moved it would startle him back into submission. He looked away from me, focusing on a loose thread on his comforter. I wasn't sure what I had expected but it wasn't this.

"Paranoid Schizophrenia. She was diagnosed when she was twenty one. It was a couple of years after she married my Dad, and before she had me. She started seeing things and hearing voices; scared my Dad to death. They took her to the hospital and did blood work but didn't find anything abnormal so she started seeing a Psychiatrist." He shifted on the bed, awkwardness and torment written so clearly on his face. I put his guitar down and my body twitched to go over to him but I stayed put. This was obviously hard for him so I didn't want to come off as patronizing by kissing his boo-boo and telling him that everything would be okay.

"When I was little, she was so much fun. Even though she was on loads of medication that made her exhausted, she did everything for our family. Cleaned, cooked and took care of me, which was no small feat," he laughed and I laughed with him. "She talked to people that weren't there and mumbled things that made no sense but I was a kid. I thought she was doing it for my benefit. She forgot things a lot, simple things like the fact that I had to go to school. Well, I got older and I started to see the differences between her and other parents. My Dad sat down and talked with me about it; told me about her disease. He made it clear to me that just because she had this illness, it didn't make her any less capable to be my Mom. I took that to heart."

I couldn't take it anymore. I got up and crawled into bed with him, and sat down beside him. With my hand in his, he continued his story.

"She seemed fine…well, balanced until my Dad died. Her world fell apart around her and she stopped taking her meds. She became violent; started fights with people in the grocery store. It got so bad that I couldn't let her go out of the house by herself. That's when I dropped out of the Internship I was involved in." He looked down at our clasped hands and sighed, almost like he was relieved. "Carlisle said…"

"Carlisle?"

"Carlisle is my uncle and her brother. He was in medical school when she was diagnosed so he changed his field to psychiatry instead of surgery. It was very admirable but I tell him all the time that he did it because of his anal-retentive tendencies," he chuckled, sadly. "Carlisle told me that she stopped taking her medication. When I asked her about it, she became aggressive and accused me of trying to take away her memories of my Dad."

"That…had to have hurt," I said.

He nodded. "It did but I knew so much about the disease that I knew it wasn't her saying this."

"So, you became her caregiver?"

"I did. I moved in with her and became her protector, her spokesman, her nurse. I didn't trust anyone else to do it but this past spring, it started to take a hold of me. The things she would say to me when I was trying to talk her into doing something as simple as eating…it was too much. No matter what she is going through and how sick she is, those things still hit you where it counts, you know?"

I nodded in response. "Of course."

"So we moved in with Carlisle and Esme, my Aunt. She continued going to therapy, and started taking her meds again. After a month or so, she was reminding me of my Mom again. That's when Carlisle overheard Emmett asking me to come here for the summer."

"You didn't want to leave her," I said.

"I was terrified to leave her. Things were going well so why rock the boat; but Carlisle was concerned that she was too dependent on me, and coming to Miami would help her learn some independence. I felt like I was abandoning her so I declined Emmett's invitation, at first." He smiled to himself, probably remembering Emmett's side of that conversation.

"But you decided to come," I said. "Why is that?"

"Because Carlisle is a sneaky bastard," he sighed. "He talked to my Mom about it and she actually told me that she wanted me to go to Miami. She told me to 'get tan and get laid, for Christ's sake'." He laughed, but tears were forming in his eyes.

"Since you left? How is she?"

He clenched his jaw and cleared his throat. "She goes up and down. Every time Carlisle calls, she's either refused meds, food, or a bath. She digressing slowly but surely however each time Carlisle calls me, he insists that I stay here instead of going back. We argue about it and I end up hanging up with the constant worry that I'm doing the wrong thing. I think this time, I need to go; probably within the next few days."

"You know her better than anyone, Edward."

"Last night, she became aggressive at dinner and ended up destroying half of Esme's kitchen. Carlisle said he had never seen her like this. He wants to admit her to a hospital…he wants to have her committed. I can't do that do her." He rubbed his face with his free hand and groaned. "I've loved being here but it's driving me insane to think that she's doing this because of me."

I bit my lip and watched his face contort with grief and guilt. "I don't know much about Schizophrenia so…don't take this the wrong way but it's not your responsibility to help make her better. If she had cancer or some other chronic illness, would you feel like it's up to you to care for her? There's doctors who specialize in…"

He pulled his hand out of mine. "You sound like Carlisle," he spat. "What am I supposed to do? Walk away from her? Leave her in some white room with padded walls so they can shock the hell out of her brain and pump her with so many drugs that she doesn't know her own name?"

"No! That's not at all what I'm saying but…"

"This is why I didn't tell you, Bella. You don't know her…you don't know anything about what she's went through in her life." His protectiveness of his Mom was understandable but this response was too robotic. No matter what I said to him, he was going to react on the defensive.

I could play this two ways, both of them would leave me with a bad taste in my mouth. Either I could humor him and take the brunt of his frustrations or I could tell him exactly how I felt. Being the type of person who avoided confrontation, no matter what the situation, it would be difficult to choose the latter but that's exactly what I did.

"Oh, I don't? Edward, I've lived my whole life terrified of ending up in that padded room. No, I don't know exactly what she'd been through and I'm not trying to pretend to but I know what it's like to have something wrong with you that no one understands. Something I can't control nor have any idea how to control it. When I was in high school, I was petrified to go to school because I was afraid that someone would say the wrong thing to me and piss me off then who knows what the hell would break or fly off the wall." I grabbed his hand and he let me have it even though he wouldn't make eye contact with me. "There were days…when I was so ready to give up and just…just let someone take me away. Some days, I welcomed the padded room.

"I'm not saying that she hasn't been through hell or that you haven't but you can't tell me that I don't have the slightest idea about what she's going through. She's incredibly lucky to have you."

My hands were shaking and a dizziness filled my head as I watched him react. I couldn't imagine what was racing through that beautiful head of his as he sat frozen, staring at the bed in front of him. A tear ran down his cheek and he let it reach his chin and drip onto his chest before wiping at the trail that it left behind. He finally turned to me, his eyes a raging inferno of green and hurt. Oh, what this man had went through the past few years. What I wouldn't give to just kiss it and make it better but the one thing I've learned in my life is that sometimes that just isn't a possibility. Sometimes you have to suffer in order to survive.

He opened his mouth to finally speak but three soft knocks on the door interrupted him. "Bella? It's Alice. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." My voice strained to reach a volume that could be heard through the door.

"You don't sound fine."

"Go talk to her; she's probably worried," Edward said and nodded once toward the door. It was what he wanted; his much desired privacy.

As I walked to the door, Edward gently spoke; the sound of his voice practically tearing me in two. "This is difficult for me, Bella. I don't mean to be a prick about this."

"You're not," I told him and put my hand on the door knob. Before I turned it, I faced him again. "What I told you about Renee…I've never told anyone that before."

Before he could reply, I opened the door and walked away from him.

* * *

**A/N: I have no knowlege of mental disorders except from a Psychology class that I took in college. That was a while go. Just sayin'. What did every one think of Bella's reaction to the news about Edward's Mom? Let me know! *peeking out from in-between my fingers***


	15. Chapter 15 Dont let me go

**A/N: Thank you, once again, to everyone who is reading this. It tickles me pink to read the feedback from all of you. To Sadie-thank you for the advice. **

**I'm actually posting this while tornado sirens are going off in the distance. That's how nutty I am. **

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer created Twilight and it's characters. They belong to her.**

**Chapter song: "Never Say Never"-The Fray**

* * *

"That is seriously the most fucked up thing I have ever heard," Alice grumbled. We were walking along the sand in the darkness, staying close to the house but far enough away that no one would bother us. I had just told Alice about the proposition offered to me earlier by William Hale.

"Tell me about it," I said. "How did Rose and Jasper grow up to be such good people with parents like that?"

Alice shrugged. "Probably because they were raised by nannies."

I let out an exasperated breath. "Probably."

"Edward looked like he was ready to kill him. I'm surprised he let you out of his room."

I looked at her sideways and cocked an eyebrow.

"Uh oh. What's that look mean?" she asked.

"I can't really talk about it but Edward is going through his own serious issues right now. We just talked about it and I'm not really sure where we stand right now." I sat down in one of the lounge chairs and Alice joined me.

"Is it about his Mom?" she asked.

I snapped my head so fast that it created a stitch in my neck. "What? You know about his Mom?"

"Jasper told me a little but I don't know the details." My head dropped and my shoulders slumped. How could she know and not tell me. "All I know is that she is sick and Edward feels that it's up to him to make her better. He asked me not to tell you, Bella."

"You're my best friend, Alice. Don't you think that I have a right to know?" I asked. "Let me guess-Rose and Emmett know too."

She bit her lip as a sign of confirmation. "I thought that you should know Edward before you knew about his Mom. Plus, don't you think he wanted it to come from him?"

I pulled my knees up to my chest and tried to blink away resistant tears. I knew she was right but that didn't make it any easier to hear. There's no way to know how I would have handled that information before getting to know him.

"You guys will work it out." She put a hand on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "Jasper can sleep on the couch tonight if you want to bunk with me."

I smiled at her; the question of sleeping arrangements hadn't even crossed my mind. "Thanks."

"You're going to tell Rose, right? About what her father did?"

"Oh yes, but I'm going to wait until they leave. They're leaving tomorrow morning, right?" I picked up a handful of sand and let it sift between my fingers.

"Thank God! I don't think I can stand another minute with those people. Jasper saved my ass by coming back," she grinned. "I love that man, no matter how dysfunctional his family is."

"Everyone is dysfunctional in their own little way," I told her, then proceeded to tell her about Edward's touch being the key to having control over my gift.

"Wow, Bella, that's…just wow."

"I know," I grinned wickedly at her. "Jasper's Mom took quite the tumble yesterday, huh?"

Her eyebrows came together at the sudden change of topic. "Yeah, that was great."

"Yeah, and I had nothing to do with it."

Her mouth fell open so wide I could see her fillings. "Bella, that is remarkable! Look how far you have come since you came here!"

"Look how far I've come since I met Edward, you mean."

"So, are you going to tell him?" she asked. "You have to tell him."

"Do you think he'll freak out?"

"Well, he didn't freak out about anything else so he'll probably be cool about this. Edward is full of surprises," she grinned.

"That, he is."

We sat on the beach and caught up for the next hour. I filled her in on the date, and the karaoke singing I did. She told me about Jasper's bar and how amazing he was at managing his business. She had begun to write her book, basing it on the experiences she had here in Miami. I pushed her for details but she told me that I would have to wait until it was complete and read it for myself.

"Greedy bitch," I teased. Her attempt to make me buy her book in order to read it was so Alice.

"Useless whore," she said, using Mr. Hale's last words to me; I scowled at her. "Too soon?"

When we were sure that everyone had gone to bed, we walked back into the house using caution with the amount of noise we made. The stairs creaked as we made our way up them, and when we reached Alice's room we heard a door open behind us.

"Bella?" I turned around and Edward was popping his head out of his room, looking at us. "Can I talk to you?"

I looked at Alice and she told me to go ahead; just knock on her door when I needed in.

He closed the door behind me, and sat down on his bed with his elbows on his knees. His appearance was disheveled and his face showing signs of fatigue. "I'm sorry about earlier; I didn't mean to make you feel bad." I walked over and sat timidly beside him, pressing my hands in between my knees. "I get really defensive when it comes to my Mom and I guess I didn't realize how much you had been through growing up."

"It's okay, really. I get it," I told him.

"It's not okay, Bella. You told me that story about your Mom and I didn't even acknowledge it. I can't imagine holding that in your heart for so long and I don't know why you feel that I'm worthy to hear it. I just want you to know how much it means to me that you told me." He finally made eye contact with me but dropped his gaze back to the floor a few moments later like he was afraid of what I would see there.

"You're important to me, Edward, and you're right about holding that in my heart. It weighed on me for years. When I play that song, or hear it, it reminds me that Renee was real and that once upon a time, she loved me."

I reached for his hand and he gave it to me, willingly. "Can I ask you something?"

He nodded and gripped my hand tightly, threading his fingers through mine.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I asked.

He glanced at me and shifted his weight around on the bed. "I was afraid of what you would think."

"You thought that I would think less of you?"

"Not exactly." His face contorted in thought. "Schizophrenia is genetic; I wasn't sure if you knew that." I shook my head even though I remembered hearing that in my Psychology class in college. "Well, it is so there is always a chance that it's laying dormant in me somewhere. Probably not, since by my age it's usually reared it's ugly head but there's always the chance. Plus, telling you about my Mom is not a good selling point for me." He laughed but the smile didn't reach his eyes.

"Thank you for telling me about her; if it means anything, it only makes me admire you more," I told him. "You're an amazing person to do this for her."

He looked at me with those eyes, searching my soul again like he had done so many times in the past few weeks. "It means everything to me."

Next thing I knew I was shirtless, laying on my back with Edward on top of me, telling me with his tongue just how much it meant to him. He unsnapped my bra and I yanked off his shirt, and then we were both topless. His tongue licked my skin as he moved from my earlobe to my neck and then to my nipple. I moaned as his lips sucked and his tongue swirled around me. My hips jerked uncontrollably toward his, and my groin ached for friction.

"Holy…shit," I hissed when he moved his mouth to my other nipple. His knees slipped between mine and I pulled my thighs out from underneath of him, giving me the leeway to wrap my legs around his waist. I locked my ankles together and shamelessly grounded my center into his erection.

His lips released my nipple with a grunt.

"Please, Edward," I begged. Dry humping just wasn't cutting it for me. I ached for him to touch me everywhere; I craved to feel him inside me, filling me and making me feel whole for the first time in my life. "I need you."

He looked up at me and stroked my cheek with his fingertips. "What do you need, baby, tell me." There was uncertainty in his eyes; he needed to me to be clear with my desires.

"I need you inside me…I need to feel you inside me." I hoped he didn't need me to actually refer to his penis at this point because talking dirty had never been my thing. Just saying the word "cock" made me feel silly, even if it was to the man laying on top of me. Hopefully, the copy of Cosmo I would pick up at the store would tell me that screwing on the first date was okay if you had been living together for a few weeks first.

The urgency that Edward used when he pulled my shorts off, and then my panties made me forget all about my possible slut status. He pulled my legs apart, and stared down at me for a while. I would have felt self conscious if he didn't seem so fucking amazed by what he saw. The showerhead never looked at me like that and fuck, if that wasn't a turn on.

He did some nice kicking moves where he lost his pants without using his hands since they were firmly plastered to my inner thighs. I used my toes to help pull his boxers off his waist and down his legs. I had talent within my toes; I was sure of it. I could probably clean up his entire room with just my toes.

His palms rubbed a pattern from my knee and up my inner thigh until he barely grazed the most sensitive place on my body. Then, they retreated back to my knees, and repeated the pattern. I arched my back each time his fingers got even close to my extremely wet…

"Ugh!" I groaned in frustration. "You're killing me!'

He chuckled darkly as he towered over me, a hand on each side of my head. I could feel him, hard and waiting, against my inner thigh. So fucking close…sweet heavens. His lips found my earlobe and his fingers traveled over my wetness, moving and circling, causing me to writhe underneath him. My hand moved to his erection and I moved up and down his length; his groans were like music to my ears.

"You're so warm, Bella, so wet," he murmured between licks. I closed my eyes and focused on the movement of his fingers against me and inside me. "You're on the pill, right?"

"No," I groaned, "but you have condoms, right."

My eyes popped open as his lips froze against my neck and the two fingers that were inside me ceased movement. He looked up at me; in some alternate universe the devastation and torture that showed on his face would have been comical.

"I don't," he muttered and dropped his forehead to my shoulder. His fingers continued their circling and rubbing and gliding.

This was a sick joke. How was he not prepared for this?

"Maybe…ugh…shit, that feels good…maybe we can sneak down into the kitchen and use a Ziploc baggie or something. That would work, right? Or, maybe wrap you in wax paper?" Edward laughed. "Help me out here…I'm sure there's something…ugh, fuck, do that again."

"I can go ask Emmett if he has one?" he asked.

I looked at him incredulously. "They'd never let either of us live that one down."

He sighed. "Well, I guess I'm just going to have to go to Plan B." I stared at him with wide and skeptical eyes. "Sorry, bad choice of words; I'm going to have to use other methods of getting you off."

There was disappointment, but I was definitely curious until his mouth started moving down my chest, over my tummy and he didn't stop. I panicked and grabbed his hair to stop him.

"What are you doing?" It came out sounding like a prepubescent little boy; high pitched and cracking.

"Plan B; now let me do my job and you do yours," he smirked.

"What's my job?"

He considered my question for a few beats. "Moan, pull my hair, scream my name."

The only thing I could say to that was, "Oh, shit!"

When his tongue replaced his fingers and the scruff of his beard followed, that's exactly what I did. In fact, he growled and moaned right along with me as he licked me and fingered me and holy shit…he put his tongue inside me. At one point, he wrapped his hands underneath my ass and yanked me closer to him; the animalistic desire within him causing him to let out a growl. I was afraid to put my hands anywhere near his hair with the fear of being snapped at like a hungry stray dog. I had never felt so wanted or sexy in my life. The orgasm built up inside me, the percolating ache that was typically so patient and rare. When it was released, I was sure that everyone in the house heard me scream his name.

He moved up my body as if his lips were feet, kissing and licking until he reached my neck. I was spent; panting and moaning, my entire body felt like Jell-O-until I felt the hardness of him digging into my hip. My entire body awakened with the desire to make him moan and scream my name.

I pushed on his shoulder until he was laying on his back, a wicked smirk present on my face. As I kneeled beside him, he moved his hands up and down my body; his palms over my ass, his fingers through the wetness between legs, his thumbs over my nipples. I stroked his length with my hand, reveling in the way his face contorted with pleasure.

Once again, I had no clue what I was doing but I read in Cosmo once that it didn't matter what your technique was; anytime a girl had her mouth around a man's cock, they wouldn't complain. So, instinct took over and I sucked him into my mouth as deep as I could. I licked, I stroked, I did some twirling thing on the head with my tongue and, triumphantly, it was met with grumbling curses and delicious moans.

"Fuck!" he hissed. "Oh, Jesus, Bella…I'm going to…"

When he tapped on my shoulder in warning, I pulled away and stroked him faster. I wasn't prepared to taste him; terrified that my reaction wouldn't be attractive. He came all over my hand, the sticky warmth of him oozing through my fingers and down my wrist. He pulled me up to his lips greedily and kissed me, giving me every ounce of strength he had left through the motion of it.

"Oh shit," he breathed, his chest heaving under my cheek. "That was fucking amazing."

We laid there, catching our breath and talking about things we hadn't had a chance to talk about. I told him about the conversation Rose's father had with me before he came back to the deck. Apparently, all he heard was the "useless whore" part.

"I can't believe…I want to fucking kill him," he raged. That angry Edward that sort of terrified me but made me want to hump his leg was threatening to make an appearance. "I should have beat the shit out of him when I had the chance."

"No, you did the right thing. This wasn't just some bar fight, Edward. If you would have hit him or even threatened him, he would have made your life hell," I said. "It wasn't worth it."

He kissed my forehead. "I disagree."

"So," I sighed, "serious talk."

"Uh oh."

"We never really talked about our relationship when we both go home and since you are planning on leaving in a couple of days, we should talk about it." I rubbed my hand over his stomach, his intake of breath shuddering. "I just need to know that this is what you want; a long distance relationship."

"Of course," he replied. "Why wouldn't I?"

I shrugged a shoulder. "Well, you did the long distance thing with your girlfriend from high school and I didn't know if…maybe…you were skeptical about it."

"We were young and I think we both knew it wouldn't work but neither of us wanted to break it off. Long distance relationships seemed romantic then." His hand moved up and down my back; his fingertips brushing against my spine.

"And now?"

He sighed. "Now, it's a pain in the ass. You know, there are lots of elementary schools in Chicago who are in desperate need for first grade teachers."

I raised my eyebrows. "You want me to move to Chicago?"

"Christ, if you moved to Chicago, I'd sell my left nut for charity. That would be the best thing to happen to me in a long, long time."

I smiled, beyond flattered that my presence meant more to him than his left nut and I briefly wondered which charity would auction off such a thing. Really, I'd never thought about moving to Chicago; in fact, I never assumed he'd want me to. I figured, we'd burn up phone minutes and hop on a plane once a month to visit each other. The possibilities circled around in my brain; fear and excitement battled with each other but neither of them won. Simply, the thought of seeing Edward every day was dominating my decision-making.

However, there was something else, too; something I needed to tell him. How he would react when I told him about his magic touch would determine if we even had a future together. He could be "cool" about it, like Alice suggested or he could decide that this was the deranged straw that finally broke the disfigured camel's back. Maybe it was good that we didn't have a condom because if I had gotten to feel him inside of me, filling me up, I don't think I'd have the mental strength to ever tell him.

I squirmed at the thought of him inside me, pushing and pulling in and out of me as he groaned on top of me. I ran my hand along his lower abdomen, into the soft hair surrounding his cock. He jumped a little at the sudden gesture, and I could feel his breath hitch in his chest.

"What are you thinking about?" Edward whispered roughly, as if my mind wasn't an open book at the present moment. His arousal grew beneath my hand, quick and hard, and I rubbed my thumb over the sensitive tip.

"What it's going to be like…when…" I decided to give it my all and let the dirty bitch within me come out to play, "…when you fuck me."

Edward liked the dirty bitch. The dirty bitch got more of Edward's tongue in all the right places. She may have to come out and play more often.

**~AMS~**

The next morning, I snuck over to Alice's room for the second day in a row, wearing the outfit from the day before. I knocked on the door and Alice told me to come in. Jasper was sitting in one of those wicker chairs with one leg crossed over the other while Alice laid across the bed looking exhausted.

Jasper looked pained, like someone had asked him to fart in public. "Alice told me what my father did, Bella, and I'm so sorry. They're really taking this marriage thing hard."

I cocked an eyebrow at him. "Taking it hard would be crying or begging; not trying to pay one of Rosalie's best friends to sleep with her fiancé."

"Okay, maybe they're both a little crazy but I am sorry."

I could have argued the "little" part of that statement but I let it rest. After all, they were his parents and people tend to be blind when it comes to family. "It's okay. I assume by the way that you guys are hunkered up here that they are still here."

Jasper looked at his watch. "They leave for the airport in an hour."

Alice made a face but held her tongue.

"In fact, I better get down there before Rose has a coronary." He leaned over and kissed Alice on the cheek. "See you in sixty-one minutes, babe."

"Good luck," we said in unison.

Jasper winked as he walked out the door and closed it behind him.

I sat down on the bed, stretched my arms and yawned like a lion. "Maybe I'll take a nap."

"You just woke up," Alice stated. "So, did you guys do it?"

My mouth dropped open as I gaped at her. "Alice! How old are you, twelve?"

She rolled her eyes as I laid down next to her. "Women always ask each other that question, Bella. We ask it now because it's an awesome part of a relationship and we'll ask it when we're sixty because it will be one of life's biggest chores."

"Speak for yourself; I plan to be doing it quite frequently until I'm in my eighties." She made a yuck face. "Anyways, no, we didn't do it."

"So the screaming of Edward's name was brought on by something other than his dick?" she smiled.

My eyes almost popped out of my head. "You didn't…you heard me?"

"Loud and clear, baby!"

I covered my face with my hands. "Oh God! That's fucking embarrassing."

"Jasper ran into his Mom this morning in the hallway and she told him that she will never sleep in this 'House of Ill Repute' ever again," she laughed. "You'll be Emmett's hero."

Now, I had to laugh at that.

"Can I give you some sex advice, Bella?"

I sighed dramatically. "Depends."

"On?"

I cut my eyes to her. "Well, does this advice involve stirrups or a sex swing?"

"No."

"Edible items that will 'feel good' in my Va-jay-jay?" I used air quotes for part of that sentence because it wasn't the first time she had brought that topic up.

"Not this time."

"Animals?"

"Ugh!" Alice screeched. "Really, Bella? Where did that come from?"

I shrugged. "Just checkin'."

"Actually, it's not really advice but a warning," she told me. I waved with my hand for her to continue. "Just because you're not a virgin, it doesn't mean that it won't hurt."

My head snapped in her direction. "What?"

"Remember when Jane put me on those meds for depression?" I nodded. "Well, they killed my libido; Jasper and I didn't do the nasty for months. The first time back, I jumped right in…well, on and it hurt like a motherfucker. That's just a warning; take it slow."

I thought about what she told me for a minute. Taking it slow with Edward sounded pretty damn nice.

"Months, huh?" I asked, breaking the silence, and Alice nodded. "Jasper is definitely a keeper."

After girl talk with Alice, I took a nice hot shower and put on my bikini, followed by a sheer white cover-up. Nothing would keep me from the beach today. I watched The Hales pull out of the driveway, sending them off with a nice view of my middle finger. Being on the top floor, I knew they couldn't see me but it made me feel better, regardless. I padded down the stairs, finding everyone in the kitchen wiping metaphorical sweat off their brows.

"Fuck!" Rose groaned. "I never thought they would leave."

Jasper rubbed his face with his hands and Alice smiled like the Cheshire Cat.

"Well," Emmett sighed. "That went well."

The whole room burst into laughter.

Edward came up behind me and wrapped his arm around my waist; his chin on my shoulder. "Did you tell Rose?"

"Tell me what?"

I let out an exhausted sigh and told her about the conversation her Father had with me the evening before. Rose's facial muscles tensed as I told her what he offered me and what he wanted me to do in return. By the conclusion, she looked like a beat puppy; sad and disappointed.

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised, considering his offer to Emmett."

All of us stood silently, avoiding eye contact with Rose for a minute. Then she swiftly put her hands to her face and sobbed. Her shoulders shook violently, as we stuttered encouragement words out of our mouths.

"What did I do to deserve such fucked up parents?" she sobbed.

Emmett wrapped his arm around her shoulder and tilted her chin up. "Don't worry, babe, they'll come around some day."

She pressed her lips together as she looked up at him, her cheeks wet with tears. "I love you."

He kissed the tip of her nose. "You too."

Me and Alice let out a simultaneous "Awww!" that was much too loud to be considered serious. Rosalie flipped us off without looking.

After we ate breakfast, Alice went upstairs to take a shower while the boys went to the living room to break out the X-box that Rose had hidden in the top of a closet. I found her on the back deck, watering her flowers with a blank look in her eyes.

"Hey," I said. She jumped and put her hand on her heart. "You okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

I pointed at the flowers. "You're drowning your plant children."

"Oh, shit!" She turned the hose toward some of the dry flower pots. "Got a lot on my mind."

"You want to talk about it?" I asked, sitting down on one of the lounge chairs. "Come on; I can be your therapist. I can listen, nod, make the occasional noise of agreement and you can cut me a check for twenty thousand and we'll call it a day."

She sneered at me but turned the hose off and waddled over to sit beside me.

"Do you think Emmett will realize how much work I am and leave me?"

"Are you kidding?" I asked incredulously. "Don't you think he would have done that yesterday and been half-a-million dollars richer? You're stuck with Emmett; no doubt about it."

She grinned. I was pretty good at this.

"Next question." I crossed my legs and folded my hands in my lap, getting into the full role of a shrink.

"That night Emmett proposed, I had a nightmare." She looked at me carefully, and I could see the emotions in her face. I dropped the shrink façade and turned back into Bella. "I dreamed that he died and I went to his funeral. The feeling I got when his coffin sunk down into the ground was…it was crippling. When I woke up, I screamed and he held me until I stopped sobbing. He told me that he would never leave me and that if he left this earth before me, he would haunt me no matter where I went." She grinned at the memory but a tear rolled down her cheek. "That's when he pulled out the ring and asked me to be his wife. It wasn't how he planned it; he had flowers and candles and rubber bands in mind for the real proposal."

I made a face. "Rubber bands?"

"Don't ask," she smirked.

"That's a sweet story, Rose," I said, putting a hand on her knee. "Thanks for telling me."

She put a hand on top of mine. "I love him, Bella, and I'm willing to give up my parents to be with him. It sucks that it has to be that way but there's no question about it. He is mine and I am his." She shrugged. "The end."

I pulled her to me and hugged her with all my strength.

"I'm sorry about my Dad, Bella. He's a desperate ass."

I started to tell her that it was over and done with; no more apologizing but Emmett cut me off with a "Whoot! Whoot!" We turned in his direction and he was shamelessly raising the roof.

"What's going on?" Rose asked, wiping the tears off her cheeks. "Did you beat Doom 3 again? Honey, you really should move on to a more difficult game."

Emmett bounded over like a giant on speed, and picked her up out of the chair. "I got the job at the school."

"Football coach?" she screeched.

"Yeah, baby, you're looking at the new football coach for The Woodland Vikings!"

He set her down and she hugged him tightly while trying to jump up and down at the same time. It looked like a strange porno version of "David and Goliath". I hopped up and embraced him as everyone else came out to see what all the squealing was about. Alice was the best at squealing; she should get an award. Jasper and Edward clapped him on the back, congratulating him.

"Let's finish off the champagne!" Rose shrieked.

We started shuffling into the house, the sadness and stress of the weekend fizzled away with each step. Edward grabbed my hand, and pulled me back from following everyone in.

My smile vanished when I saw the sadness on his face. "What is it?"

"I'm leaving tonight," he sighed.

My heart dropped into my stomach. "What time?"

"In a couple of hours; my flight leaves at seven but I should get there early so I can get through security." He put a tentative hand on my hip and pulled me to him. "I'm sorry."

I snaked my arms around his waist and clutched onto him. "Hey, don't be sorry. Just promise to call me when you get there."

Crying was out of the question because it would just make things worse for both of us. So we stood out on the back deck, wrapped around each other, listening to our friends celebrate the huge step Emmett had just taken in his life. The relief and joy seemed to be visibly flowing from the open back door, sweeping around us and past us as we solemnly said our silent goodbye.

* * *

**A/N: *sad face* Edward is leaving. I realize that Rose's response to her father's actions wasn't as angry as people would have hoped. However, having a mother, myself, who is constantly lowering my self-esteem, I know from experience that no matter what she does to me, there is always this part of me that wants to please her. That's kind of where I'm drawing Rosalie's reaction from; sadness and not anger. She's given up on them. They really left her no choice. Sorry for being wordy. Your reviews mean THE WORLD to me! Thank you!**


	16. Chapter 16 Change

**A/N: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Your reviews make my heart sing and my fingers type faster! I love you, guys! Hope you enjoy this one :)**

**Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight and the characters.**

**Chapter song: "Run"-Snow Patrol**

* * *

It had been two days since Edward left and fighting off the pathetic whiny little girl in me was getting tough. I had to give Alice credit for just breaking down and getting it all out of her system at once instead of disregarding it. He had called me once, when his plane landed, to tell me that he was safe but I hadn't heard from him since. When bitter sadness reared it's ugly head, I argued with it; told it that Edward had the weight of the world on his shoulders. There was no reason for him to bother himself with calling me, who was currently stretched out in the sand between Alice and Rose.

"Have you heard from Edward?" Alice asked. It was the millionth time she'd asked me since this morning and it was grating on my already sensitive nerves.

"I've been with you since you asked me that the last time and the answer is still no, Alice," I snapped.

She gaped at me. "Just asking, Bella."

I took a deep breath and tried to push back the anxiety in my stomach. This was a new anxiety; mixed delightfully with the already existing anxiety. This new feeling was set off by my unfounded fear that I'd never see Edward again.

"I'm sorry; it's just…I feel so…" I hesitated, unwilling to show weakness, "…sad. We only have a couple of weeks left here in Miami and I'm going to miss it."

Rosalie scoffed, "That's nice of you to say, but it's bullshit."

I frowned at her. "What?"

She leaned up on her elbows. "That's right, Bella, I'm calling you on your bullshit. Just admit it: You miss Edward and you're being a temperamental bitch because of it."

"I am not! Alice?" I turned to the girl on my other side, who suddenly found her toes fascinating. "Am I being a temperamental bitch?"

She dropped her foot back into the sand and tilted her head at me. "I love you but 'temperamental bitch' pretty much covers your mood since yesterday morning."

My arms flew protectively over my chest and I pouted.

"We understand, girl, but you have to talk to us instead of smiling and snapping at us every time we ask you something. I thought I was going to lose a finger yesterday when I took the blueberry muffin that I was _supposed_ to know you wanted."

In retrospect, my attitude had taken a turn for the worse, even if I felt that I was putting up a false mask of being fine.

"Why don't you just call him," Rose sighed. "I'm sure he'd want to hear from you."

I bit my lip and considered her suggestion. "He's so busy with his Mom and I don't want him to think I'm some clingy nag."

Alice sat up on her rear and crossed her legs, facing me. She had that "light bulb over the head" look on her face. "Okay, let me ask you this, Bella. Why is it that you want to talk to him?"

"Well, I want to make sure that he is doing okay, and see if there has been any change with his Mom. I want to ask him if his return helped her at all or if she is still having a difficult time." Alice waved her hand for me to continue, her eyebrows raised above the tops of her sunglasses. "I want to let him know that I'm thinking about him and that I love…"

"You love what?" Rose asked.

I smiled, relishing in my Jerry McGuire moment. "I love him."

All of us smiled at each other like fools for few beats. The new revelation lifting my spirits but the new anxiety inside me doubled.

"He loves you, too, you know," Rose said when she saw my face fall in the slightest.

I snorted. "You don't know that."

"You didn't know Edward before he came here. He was all emo and 'fuck this life' and shit like that. When he came here and got close to you, it was like the same old Edward was back," Rose shrugged. "Did you not see how torn up he was about leaving?"

"He was upset about his Mom," I answered.

Rose lifted up her sunglasses to show me her eye roll. "He was upset because he was leaving _you_."

Just then, Emmett bounded out of the water and ran toward us. He took the opportunity to stand over us and shake water off of him like a dog. We protested with girlish squeals and three middle fingers.

"So, who's turn is it to pick the movie tonight?" he asked. He bent his arm and flexed his bicep for his own entertainment.

"I picked last week so it's Bella's turn." Rose turned to me and smiled. "What are we watching tonight, Bella? Probably, something depressing and full of angst."

I scowled at her. "Just for that, we're watching one of Emmett's comedies."

Rose groaned and Emmett slapped me a high five.

So that night, I made dinner to keep my mind off of Edward. I wasn't a great cook but I could make some damn good spaghetti, especially when the sauce come from a jar and the garlic bread is pre-packaged.

"I've been meaning to ask you, Bella," Rose said after slurping a noodle into her mouth. "What the hell happened to the window in your room?"

I bit off a large piece of bread to give myself time to think of an excuse. My specialty was keeping a neutral face but it was difficult with her watching me chew. Momentarily, I thought about faking a choking but the thought of Emmett, the caveman, doing the Heimlich Maneuver on me was frightening. When I couldn't think of an excuse, I shrugged. "I don't know. I just woke up and there was this large crack in it." It was only partly a lie but I knew the truth wasn't an option. Actually, when you think about it, it was her fault for screaming bloody murder in the middle of the night. That thought made me feel somewhat better about the lie.

I decided to change the subject as she glared at me suspiciously. "Have you seen your herb garden lately?"

It worked. Her eyes lit up and her facial expression lifted. "No, is it doing better?"

"Yeah, it's doing great! A few days ago, it just seemed to perk up out of the blue."

"I knew they would do better upstairs," she sighed. I couldn't tell her that with Edward and the departure of his fingers, the herb garden would likely go back to being on the brink of death.

Emmett and Jasper cleaned up the kitchen while the rest of us retired to the living room with glasses of wine.

"So, Jasper is leaving tomorrow," Alice announced. We stared at her cautiously as she ran her fingers through her dark hair. "I'm going to go with him."

"I figured that you would, Al." Rose smiled so Alice would know there were no hard feelings about her early departure.

"You're not mad?" She asked, biting her lip and letting her hands drop to her lap.

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "No, I'm not mad. I guess I should be happy that my brother has this amazing girl who wants to follow him around."

"I don't want to…" she hesitated, "…yeah, I guess do want to follow him around. Shamelessly."

I felt a pang of jealousy as the guys came in and huddled up to their women but as soon as I popped in "The Gods Must Be Crazy", I was fine. Nothing like watching Bushmen get whacked over the head with a glass Coke bottle to take my mind off my woes. I was astounded at how nicely their butts looked in those cloth diaper thingies. When one of the Bushmen came onto the screen wearing one, I couldn't take my eyes off his ass. I pictured myself in one and made a face. Then I pictured Edward in one and made another face. Even Edward couldn't pull that off. Must take a special kind of person to make the cloth diaper thingies work for your body. I glanced at Emmett. I bet he could pull it off as long as there was some serious extra cloth for the front part; don't need to be seeing any of that, not even an outline. I cringed and shuddered.

God, I missed Edward. If he were there, I wouldn't be picturing Emmett in a cloth diaper thingies and worrying about the outline of his penis. I shuddered again. Edward would be sitting next to me, maybe with his arm wrapped around me or his hand on my thigh. Yeah, his hand would definitely be on my thigh. And I'd slip my fingers underneath the hem of his t-shirt and play with the hair under his belly button. He'd like that…maybe he'd groan a little; loud enough for only me to hear. Then the hand on my thigh would slowly make it's way upward, firmly gripping the flesh of my leg.

The sound of my phone ringing brought me back to reality and I let a breath out of my lungs with a "whoosh!". I picked it up and looked at the screen. Edward. I popped up, waving off Emmett when he asked me if he should pause it and pushed the talk button on my phone.

"I was just thinking about you." I plopped down on a sofa in Rose's elderly sitting room.

"Bella." I'd heard all kinds of different emotions in his voice, but this one was new. He was straining to talk, almost sounding as if he was choking on something.

I sat up straighter on the couch, my bare feet flat on the hardwood floor. "Edward, what's wrong?"

There was hesitation and he coughed. "It's…m-my Mom. She tried to kill herself today."

My hand flew to my mouth and a lump formed in my throat. "Oh my God!"

"She found some pills that…she overdosed on one of her medications."

"What do you need?" I asked.

More hesitation and coughing. This time his voice was a little stronger but the strain was still evident. "I just needed to hear your voice-to tell you."

My tongue was having a difficult time forming words; there was nothing I could say. "Is she okay?"

He breathed heavily into the phone. "She's in the hospital where she'll be until she recovers, then we'll decide what to do. I just…" he paused, inhaling and exhaling into the receiver, "I don't know if I can do this anymore."

My heart broke fifty times over for him. As useless as it would be, I wanted to wrap my arms around him, embrace him as tightly as I could. Tears rolled down my cheeks, and I swiped them away. I never knew how another person's pain could affect my own so profoundly. "Is Carlisle there?"

"Yeah," he breathed, "he's the only one holding it together right now. Esme is…well, she's pretty broken up. She found her and called for the ambulance."

I was ludicrously angry at his aunt right now. She had a right to be upset but Edward was obviously falling apart. She was his aunt-a mother figure who had the opportunity to be there with him and take care of him but instead she was falling apart, herself.

"What do you need me to do? Do you want me to come to Chicago?" I tried hard to keep emotion out of my voice and to be his strength but I was failing miserably.

"No, Bella, no-don't do that. I just wanted to call you and tell you what happened. I might not get a chance to talk to you for a while because things will be crazy. Carlisle convinced me to go with him tomorrow to check out a few treatment centers…hospitals." He paused and I gave him time to collect himself. "I don't know what to do."

My hand flew to my mouth, acting like a cork. The sobs collected in my throat like a shaken bottle of soda. "If you go to these places and look at them, it doesn't mean that is where she's going to go. Nothing is definite, Edward. I'm not trying to convince you to do anything but I think…you should go."

I held my breath waiting for his reply. This was so fucking hard. Taking care of Alice when she went through bad times seemed so much easier. I knew her so well and I wasn't walking on eggshells with her. I felt that no matter what I said, he'd find hidden meanings behind it.

"I know," he whispered. "I will."

I was close to telling him that I loved him. The words were on the tip of my tongue, dangling there but I didn't want to turn this moment into something to do with me. What if he didn't feel as strongly for me as I did for him? This would just add something else to his already high pile of shit that he was dealing with.

"If you need anything, don't hesitate," I told him, instead.

"Thank you," he said, "for everything. I better go get some sleep. I'm exhausted."

"Okay."

"God, I wish I were there with you watching you fall asleep. I wish I could just feel you beside me." His voice was low and smooth; like honey. "I miss you."

"I miss you, too." I couldn't say anything more, afraid of the dam within me busting loose.

"I'll call you in a few days, okay? Just…don't give up on me. Stay away from those greased-up muscle guys on the beach; you know what they say about steroids." The humor in his voice was delightful.

I let out a bark of unexpected laughter. "Get some sleep, Edward, dream about me."

"I hope I'm that lucky ."

We hung up and I sat on that couch, watching the sun make it's descent behind the black waves of the ocean. So much had changed but the sun would still rise in the East and set in the West. I would still go back to Seattle and teach seven year olds not to eat glue, while trying to keep my gift at bay. My weekends would be spent eating Chinese food and watching Lifetime movies. But so much had changed.

The creaking floor brought me back to my senses and I turned around to see Emmett standing in the doorway. "Hey, how's Edward?"

I turned back toward the window. "His Mom tried to kill herself today."

"Oh shit," he mumbled. "Is she okay?"

"She's in the hospital but Edward is…" I didn't know what to say about him. He was so strong but he was falling apart. If I said the truth, it would feel like a betrayal. "He's coping."

"He has to be crushed," Emmett said, sitting down beside me.

"I don't know what to do," I muttered. "I feel so helpless."

He turned to me, determined and looking a little surprised. "Are you going up to see him?"

"I offered but he told me not to come. He doesn't want me there, Emmett." I breathed in a shaky breath and wiped the wetness off my cheeks.

"Can I tell you something about Edward?" I nodded. "Edward has always been the type of guy who likes to take care of other people. He's the most loyal person that you'll ever meet. He flew down here when we needed help moving; no questions asked. He's grateful for the things he has and appreciates the fact that he's worked hard to earn those things. He's humble. Forgiving." I smiled at him, loving the conversation. I'd realized that I was more than a little obsessed with the topic of our conversation. Edward. _My Edward. _"But he's the most stubborn son of a bitch that you'll ever meet."

I raised my eyebrows but let him continue.

"Even if he wanted you there, he wouldn't tell you simply because he wouldn't want to inconvenience you."

"So, you think I should go?"

"Do you think you should go?"

"Damn it, Emmett, why do I feel like I should be paying you a hundred dollars an hour for this talk?"

He laughed. "This is about you and Edward, Bells. I know you don't have a ton of experience when it comes to relationships but you have to trust each other. I might know him pretty well but so do you. You two are a lot alike. What would you want if you were in his position."

I put my fingernail in my mouth and thought about his question for a moment.

"How soon do you think I could get a flight out?"

He smiled. "Atta girl."

**~AMS~**

An hour into my flight, I was ready to strangle Henry. Henry was what they call a "nervous flyer" and when Henry was nervous, apparently he rambled. I was lucky enough to find myself wedged between the window and "nervous flyer" Henry. At first, I thought it would be a welcomed distraction plus a little amusing, but after an hour it was grating on my last nerve.

He was currently telling me about the dinner he had in Miami that he swore gave him food poisoning.

"Have you ever had the runs so bad that all you wanted to do was pitch a tent in the bathroom and sit there until your legs fall asleep?" He didn't wait for me to answer. "That's how sick I was. I don't think I'll ever eat Mexican again after that. I love Italian food, though. Have you ever had Eggplant Parmesan?" I opened my mouth to answer but he cut me off. "Now, that is an awesome dish."

The plane hit a little turbulence and he grabbed my hand, clutching it for dear life. I gaped at him until the shakiness of the plane steadied into smoothness. I stared at the gold band on his left hand and wondered if his wife knew how annoying he could be. I'm sure she did.

He released my hand and wiped his brow with the napkin he had grasped in his other hand. "Sorry, I'm just nervous."

I watched him adjust his glasses and run his fingers across his graying comb-over, as if the plane's vibrations had somehow knocked it off kilter. "It's okay."

"Your hands are really soft." My eyebrows rose slightly at the comment. "My wife has soft hands. Do you know how she keeps her hands soft?"

The rest of the flight I learned about his wife, whose name was Nancy, and her hygiene rituals before she goes to bed. I learned about his son, who was twenty and had no direction in life. And when the plane took it's descent onto the sweet soils of Chi-town, he accidentally groped my boob when he was desperately searching out my hand for support.

"Good luck, Henry," I told him as I moved by him to get off the plane. Bitter jealously flashed over his features for a moment as he gripped the arm of the chair with white knuckles. Henry was on his way to Wisconsin so he wouldn't be going anywhere for another few hours.

"Thanks Bella," he grumbled, his face a little pale, "for the hand and all."

I smiled. "No problem."

I pulled my carryon down from the overhead compartment and threw it over my shoulder. "Henry?"

His eyes were full of panic as he looked up at me. "Yeah?"

"When you're up in the air and you start to panic; just close your eyes and breathe."

He tried to smile a little. "Thanks."

"And if that doesn't work, close your eyes and think of your wife's soft hands," I said with a wink.

That earned me a full smile and a nod. Henry wasn't all that bad after all.

Now that I was in Chicago, I was starting to second guess myself. I had never acted on impulse or been spontaneous. Usually, everything in my life was planned and well thought out before I made decisions. What if I arrived, and he really didn't want me there? Where would I go? My savings was dwindling, especially with the surprise trip to Chicago so there's no way I could go back to Miami. To say the least, I was terrified.

Having left most of my belongings in Miami, I grabbed my one suitcase off the luggage belt and headed toward the exit. With Rose and Emmett's permission, I left most of my beach clothes at their house with a promise to come back and use them on a regular basis. It was a tearful, rushed goodbye, and I left many things unsaid about my gratitude for Emmett's and Rose's hospitality. I imagined it differently when I thought of my last day there. I had planned to watch the sunset one more time, relish in the feel of the sand between my toes, let my skin soak up the remainder of the hot Florida sun. Things had changed.

I found an empty taxi and climbed in, offering the address Emmett had written down for me before I left. After pulling my phone out of my pocket, I turned it on and sent Alice a text message telling her that I arrived safely. I had no messages. Panic whipped through me when I, again, imagined rejection from Edward.

The rain started a few minutes into the drive. It started out as light taps on the metal roof of the yellow cab but turned quickly into a heavy drumming. I was exhausted, having gotten no sleep that night. I rolled down the window and let the ran hit my face, amazed at how good it felt.

"The seats gonna get all wet," the driver grumbled but I pretended not to hear, thinking that maybe it would make him drive faster.

Half an hour into the drive, he pulled into a subdivision and I glanced at my watch. It was seven in the morning. Damn. He stopped in front of a two story house with groomed hedges and an alarm system sign plunged into the ground beside a big oak tree.

I rolled up the window and sighed.

"You getting out?" The driver was annoyed with me.

I handed him money and pulled my door open, the rain drenching my clothes and hair. Suddenly, it didn't feel so good. With a grunt, I heaved my suitcase out behind me and slammed his door shut. Stomping through the mud, feeling like a drowned rat and probably looking very similar to one, I approached the long front porch. There was a swing on one side and a variety of potted plants on the other. The plants made me think of Rose and I grinned.

My finger was hesitant to press the doorbell, and I considered waiting on the front porch until I was sure someone was awake. But my body knew what was in that house and it reacted instinctively. The faster I got into that house, the faster I was able to see Edward. Touch him. Embrace him. Love him. My finger pressed the red button and released it; a muffled familiar charm of bells rang from inside.

I waited. I hopped up and down on my toes like a little kid looking through the window at a candy store. A residual rain dropped glided down my forehead and down to the tip of my nose where it sat until I brushed it off with my finger. When the door knob jiggled, then finally opened, I held my breath.

"Can I help you?"

It was a middle aged woman, with tired red eyes and pale skin. Her frizzy hair was pulled up into a high knot and she looked at me suspiciously.

"Are…are you Esme?"

She narrowed her eyes the slightest bit; not meant for me to see. Suddenly, I was freezing. "Who are you?"

"Uh…I'm here for Edward. I'm a friend of his," I told her, trying to smile but unable to control the chattering of my teeth.

"Well, he's in bed right now and I really shouldn't wake him. Are you from the area, or…" she trailed off, her eyes taking in the suitcase at my feet. With her fingers, she pulled her robe tightly around her neck. I must have looked insane.

"Um…well, I actually just flew in from…"

"Who is it, Esme?" A soft voice came from inside; it was a voice I would know anywhere.

"Uh…she says she's a friend of yours." She stepped aside, still looking at me as if I were dressed in a clown suit and asking her to honk my nose. "She didn't tell me her name."

"Oh…it's Bella."

Esme's eyes snapped to me, the distrustfulness wiped clean from her face. She opened her mouth to speak but Edward appeared at her side, coming from behind her.

"Bella," he whispered. His mouth remained open as he looked at me, his expression unreadable. He hair was wet from a shower, and he was dressed in old jeans and a white stretched out t-shirt. "What are you doing here?"

I opened my mouth but couldn't find my voice. Unbelievably, I hadn't thought about the answer to this question. I thought he would either accept or reject me; not ask me why I was there. I figured that was pretty obvious.

He moved a step closer, his green eyes searching mine while waiting for answer. When he gave up on getting a reply, he looked at my suitcase and grabbed one of my shaking hands. "You're freezing."

I shook my head and managed a smile. "No, I'm fine."

"Why'd you come?" He gripped my hands between his, rubbing them furiously between his.

"I had to come. I couldn't stand to _not_ come," I chattered. I wasn't sure if I was even making sense at this point. The feel of his hands on mine was excruciatingly pleasant and exhaustion filled my body from head to toe. "I'm sorry."

He looked at me incredulously. "Why are you sorry?"

"I know you told me not to come but I…"

The force of his body tumbling into mine cut off my speech. His arms wrapped around me and I melted into him, body and spirit. I inhaled him, shampoo and cologne and man; the smell of him producing giggles in my belly.

"You should have called me. I could have picked you up at the airport if I would have known you were coming." I gripped onto him, having no energy to respond. "Come on, let's go inside."

Reluctantly, I let go of him and he grabbed my suitcase. I walked in behind him, expecting to see Esme but she had disappeared.

"Is this okay?" I whispered.

He furrowed his brows. "What?"

"Your Aunt and Uncle."

He waved his hand in a "no big deal" manner. "Yeah, it's fine. Are you hungry?"

"Not really." I blinked at him, my eyelids heavy and slow.

The corners of his mouth twitched. "Let's go upstairs. You look exhausted."

I couldn't argue with that.

When he closed the door to his room, I turned around and was shocked to see the floor clear and everything in it's place. Edward wasn't known for his neatness so I was impressed.

"Wow."

He set my suitcase down and looked at me. "What?"

"It's very clean."

He chuckled. "I've only been home for a few days-give me some time."

Standing here in front of him, feeling my wet clothes stick to my body, reminded me of the night in Miami. A shiver ran through me, as I thought about his hands and lips running up and down my body.

"Christ, you're probably cold. There's a half bath through that door…"he pointed to a door in the corner of his room, "and the shower is just right down the hall, if you needed it."

"Do I smell that bad?"

He approached me slowly, a smirk on his face, then he bent down toward me. The tip of his nose brushed against my neck, and I could hear him deeply inhale through his nostrils. The gesture forced me to close my eyes and lean into him, wet clothes forgotten. Oh my God, I missed him.

"I wouldn't say you smell bad," he smiled against my neck. "Just a little musty."

"I guess I will hop in the shower, then," I laughed. His hands went to my hips, his fingers hooking into my belt loops.

He backed away, but only a little. I could feel his tangled damp hair tickling my forehead and his warm breath on my skin. "I'm going downstairs for a few minutes to let Carlisle and Esme know that you're staying here. You did want to stay here, right?"

"If it's okay. I don't want to cause any problems," I told him matter-of-factly.

His eyes grew wide. "No, absolutely not. I want you here."

I smiled at him and he released my hips, backing away from me slowly.

"Let me know if you need anything," he said, before shutting the bedroom door behind him.

The warm water of the shower felt better than I expected it to. All I had really wanted to do was sleep. My body was weak and my stomach was empty, not having filled it since eating my spaghetti the evening before. Miami seemed like a lifetime ago, even though I had only left the night before. I wondered if Alice was still there or if she had flown back to Seattle with Jasper. Wallowing in my own worries put a damper on my listening abilities, so I had forgotten what time she told me they were leaving. I'd have to call her later.

As I turned the water off and ran a towel over my torso, I thought about the main reason I was here. Edward's Mom. I wondered how she was doing but was shamefully reluctant to ask him. I was so clueless and retarded. I should have asked him but every time it was on the tip of my tongue, I pictured him shutting down. If I was going to be there, trying to help him through this difficult time, I couldn't be afraid of his reaction every time I asked a question. _Cowboy up, Bella._

With my fingers, I wiped away the steam off the bathroom mirror and looked at myself. I looked the same as I did two months ago, except for my skin being a little less pale, but I felt like a completely different person. There was a semblance of confidence and the slightest bit of power mixed with the blood that was flowing evenly through my body. Was I still anxious? Absolutely. Especially being in this new city and standing in the bathroom of a couple that I had yet to officially meet. But anyone would feel anxious about that, right? There was always the chance that someone could accidentally scare me, like Edward had done that first night in Miami, or my emotions could fly off the handle and I'd send something flying across the room. However, the difference between the past and present was the fact that I didn't care. I met a boy. That boy knows and that boy not only accepts it, but he thinks it's amazing. And I love him. I found myself smiling at my own reflection, as I reached for my pile of clothes.

"Oh, no." I had forgotten my clothes on the bed in Edward's room. "Shit."

I rolled my eyes at myself and wrapped a towel around my torso. Edward's Aunt and Uncle had the smallest towels I had ever seen. I even searched through the cabinets for larger ones but the only towel I could find barely covered my nipples and cut off at my upper thighs. I was thankful that it managed to cover my entire ass, though. In fact, maybe the towels weren't small but perhaps my ass took up a large portion of the cloth, allowing less room for the rest of my body.

I popped my head out and looked both ways in the hallway, before opening up the bathroom door completely. The house was silent so I literally tip-toed on the maroon carpet toward Edward's door. I grabbed the doorknob and let out a big sigh of relief until Edward's door opened from the inside with a yank. That's how I officially met his Uncle Carlisle.

"Oh!" I gripped the towel around me tightly, hunkering down a little to make it seem longer.

Carlisle was exactly what I pictured in my head: Middle-aged and distinguished, wearing dress pants and a white button up dress shirt. A strong nose and thin lips was centered on his pale face, and a full head of blonde hair swept over the top of his head. Tired and bloodshot; his eyes matched Esme's when she had answered the door.

"Oh, I'm sorry! Uh…" he stuttered, trying hard not to glimpse below my neck, "You must be Bella!"

"I am," I half-cringed, half-smiled. "I forgot to bring my clothes with me. You must be Carlisle."

Edward appeared behind him and his eyes widened when he took in my lack of apparel.

"Yes, it's nice to…uh…" He held a hand out for me to shake but swiftly took it down when he realized that both my hands were clutching at the towel, trying to keep it up and down at the same time.. "Nice to meet you."

"You too." I made "help" eyes at Edward.

"I'll be down in a minute, Carlisle," Edward jumped in. Thank God!

"Oh, okay." He turned toward the stairs. "See you later, Bella."

"See ya!" I said it like we had been friends for ages, all happy and excitable.

Edward pressed his lips together when I shut the bedroom door behind me. He looked like he was in pain but I knew him well enough to know that he was holding in laughter.

"Go ahead," I told him, "laugh it up."

He let out a breath of laughter. "That will be on Carlisle's mind for weeks."

I rolled my eyes and tilted my head to the side, and watched him bend at the waist with guffaws. It was good to see him laugh and I'd run into his Uncle a thousand times more, wrapped only in a towel, if I got this reaction from him.

"I'm sorry," he said. He wrapped his strong arms around my shoulders, hugging me to him. "The look on his face was priceless, not to mention the one on your face."

I couldn't help it and I laughed with him.

"Whew!" He pulled away and looked down at me. I licked my lips and he watched, then he gently kissed me. "I hate to do this but I have to leave you."

"How is your Mom?" I ran my fingertips over his jaw and down to his neck, watching his facial expression carefully.

He looked at his bed. "Uh…she's stable. Carlisle and I have an appointment and then we're going over to see her. We'll probably stay until visiting hours are over at six, so feel free to make yourself at home. Esme will be downstairs, and she'd be thrilled to officially meet you. I can…take you down now if you want." I opened my mouth to decline but he cut me off. "You can, you know, show her your towel."

I narrowed my eyes at his smirk. "Well, actually," I yawned big and stretched my arms over my head, dropping the towel to the floor in the process, "I'm really tired."

Edward gaped at me as I climbed into his bed stark naked, and sighed into his sheets.

"You're going to pay for that one in more ways than one," he growled, as I closed my eyes with a moan. "See you in a bit."

"Be careful," I told him.

"We will, and Bella?"

"Mmmm?"

"I'm beyond happy that you're here," he said softly.

My eyes popped open but the door was already closing gently behind him.

**~AMS~**

When I woke up, I was freezing. It took me a minute to remember why I was naked and in Chicago but when it hit me, I couldn't help but grin a little. In a sad moment of teen-like lust, I picked up Edward's pillow and put it to my face. I inhaled his scent, and exhaled a breathy "Aaah!".

The afternoon was early, so Edward wouldn't be back for another few hours. I dressed in jeans and my faded black Metallica t-shirt, and padded down the stairs hoping to find Esme. My stomach was complaining from the emptiness, and I didn't want to go rummaging through the fridge without actually meeting the other owner of the house first. Her first impression of me was laying heavily on my mind as I found her sitting at the island in their kitchen. Her hair was neatly brushed back and she had put on some makeup but she still looked worn out.

"Hi." I stopped in the doorway, as she looked up and saw me.

Her eyes perked up and she hopped off the barstool with a kind smile on her face. "Hello, Bella, I'm so sorry about before."

I waved her off. "Don't worry about it. I'm sure I looked like an idiot, standing on your porch this morning. I don't blame you for being suspicious."

She looked relieved. "I'm Esme. It's nice to officially meet you."

"You too," I smiled.

"I bet you're hungry." She moved over to the fridge and opened the door. It was remarkably empty. "I haven't been to the store in a few days, well weeks, so there's not a lot to choose from but I could whip you up a grilled cheese."

"That sounds great," I told her, "but I could make it. You don't have to…"

"It's my specialty." She held up a slice of processed cheese between her fingers and wiggled it at me. "My secret ingredient."

I laughed at her and promised to keep it just between us. While the sandwiches sizzled in the skillet, she asked me basic get-to-know-you questions about Seattle, my job and the summer in Miami.

"Edward tells me that your father is chief of police somewhere in Washington." I was close to spraying milk all over the kitchen table. I never imagined that Edward would say anything to his family about either of my parents. I had only mentioned my Dad a couple of times since we met. "What town?"

I cleared my throat. "Forks. It's a small town a couple of hours away from Seattle."

"I bet it was tough to have a father that readily carried a gun." She plopped two sandwiches on a plate and put them in front of me. "You know, the whole 'bullet with your name on it' spiel. Boys were probably terrified to come knocking on your door."

"Is that why?" I teased. "And here I thought it was my boyish figure."

She laughed and sat down across from me.. "Well, Edward is quite taken with you."

"Do you have any children?"

"No," she sighed, "we tried but we never could conceive."

"I'm sorry."

She shook her head and waved me off. "I think it was meant to be. In retrospect, it was the best thing."

I furrowed my brows. "What do you mean?"

"Well, we were always close with Ed and Elizabeth. When Edward was born, he was here almost everyday. Did he tell you his Dad was a pilot?"

I nodded, and continued stuffing grilled cheese into my mouth.

"Ed was gone a lot and there were times when Lizzie wasn't…uh…she had bad days. They stayed with us quite a bit when he was out of town so Edward practically had two houses."

The conversation regarding Elizabeth was weighing on her, so I tried to change the subject. "What was Edward like when he was little?"

A true smile graced her features; her cheeks puffed up and wrinkles formed around her hazel eyes. "He was…"she shook her head, "a handful."

"How so?"

"Well, it seemed that he went in phases. At age 5, he couldn't stand being dressed. You'd wrestle clothes onto him and you'd turn your back, and five minutes later he'd streak by you naked." I laughed, picturing a naked little Edward running circles around Esme. "When he was seven, he pretended to be deaf. It scared the hell out of his Father because he thought that Edward really had a problem hearing. It took the longest time to realize that when you mentioned the word 'ice cream', he could hear it from three rooms away. There was also a phase where he was convinced that he could hatch baby birds from the eggs I bought at the grocery store. My eggs kept disappearing! I even accused Carlisle of sneaking eggs in the morning!" She leaned in and stage whispered, "He had bad cholesterol at the time."

"How did you find out it was Edward taking the eggs?" I asked, grinning.

"I found about two dozen in the oak tree out front. There used to be a large limb coming out the front, low enough for Edward to climb up so he stuck them in a wicker basket up in a notch."

"I bet he was devastated."

She closed her eyes, chuckling at the memory. "He told Lizzie that since she wouldn't get him a puppy, that he'd make his own darn pet."

"He's always been stubborn, then?"

"Oh yes," she said, "but he's a good man."

Her face was suddenly serious as I agreed with her statement. I could read on her face how much she cared about Edward and his Mom. Putting myself in her shoes, I didn't know how she managed. I felt guilty for my earlier anger toward her. After all, she joined this part of the family by marriage. There's no blood bond saying that taking care of Elizabeth is her responsibility. I admired her strength and determination; the way she selflessly makes Edward's life better even if it's only by a fraction.

"Did he tell you that it was my fault?" Her tone was calm but broken and I watched her eyes water over. "Did he tell you that I left the pills out and Lizzie found them?"

I put my hand over hers on the table. "I…he didn't tell me that."

A gust of a sob busted from her throat. "I always get her pills ready for the week on Monday nights after she goes to sleep. Usually, I take them into the kitchen, split them if I need to, and dispense them into her weekly pill box. When I'm done, I put the bottles back into the safe, along with her pill box. I forgot one of her bottles on the counter, and she must have came down in the middle of the night. That next morning, I found her unconscious on the bathroom floor."

I got up and grabbed a napkin from the dispenser on the counter, and held it out to her. "It was an accident, Esme. Edward knows that you didn't do that on purpose."

She nodded frantically and wiped her nose. "I know he does. It's just…what if she had died?" I wrapped my arms around her shaking shoulders. "He would have never forgiven me."

"That didn't happen, though, so don't even think about that," I told her. "Besides, Edward told me that you found her and called 911."

"I did, but…" she started.

"You saved her life, Esme."

After a few more minutes of hugging and sobbing, she collected herself and I released her.

"I'll clean up since you cooked," I told her.

"Ugh," she groaned, "speaking of cleaning, I have to apologize for the house, Bella. Usually, I keep it in pretty good shape but the past few weeks have been crazy."

I looked around the kitchen and spotted a few places on the tile that were stained, and some cobwebs in the corners but nothing extreme. I figured that while I was here and Edward was gone, I may as well make myself useful.

"Say, Esme, what kind of music motivates _you_ to dust?"

* * *

**A/N: SIGH...I know a lot of you wanted Bella to go to Chicago. She's getting stronger and more confident, thanks to our Edward. If you haven't seen the movie, "The Gods Must Be Crazy", you're missing out. It's incredibly cheesy and hysterical. There's even a sequal! **

**Just FYI: I'm on vacation next week. No, I'm not going anywhere, because I'm broke as a joke, but I may not get much PC time so my next update might not be until next Sat. I will do my best, though. Please review and let me know what you think! Happy Easter to those who acknowledge it :)**


	17. Chapter 17 Rolling With The Punches

**A/N: Thank you to all my readers! I adore you and your reviews. **

**Disclaimer: SM owns all things twilight. **

**Chapter Song: "Oceans" by Pearl Jam**

* * *

Armed with a vacuum and a duster, I set out to single-handedly demolish the dust from the Cullen household. Since we couldn't agree on music, Esme announced that she was taking a trip to the supermarket with a halfhearted sigh. I put my ear buds in, making sure to keep my dance moves to a minimum, and tuned out the rest of the world courtesy of Eddie Vedder. Eddie and I go way back to my days of jamming with Alice in the car on the way to high school. Plus, it's blasphemy in Seattle to speak ill of his music.

The duster moved at the same pace as my hips as I circled the living room, swiping the thick layer of dust off the shelves and mantle. The Cullen house was extremely nice, and larger than either of the homes I grew up in, but it had this cozy feel to it. I wasn't afraid to kick off my shoes and make myself at home. The fireplace in the living room certainly helped with the homey feel.

I decided to use my cleaning time to investigate a little of the house. As I moved my way out of the living room, which had a flat screen television on the wall and plush suede furniture, I opened a set of wooden sliding doors on the other side of the stairs. It seemed that Esme kept those doors closed on purpose. Half of the room was covered in yards of material, all different colors and patterns. A few sewing machines sat in the corner, one of them with the cord wrapped tightly around it and the other two half covered in scraps of cloth. It looked like Martha Stewart walked into the Cullen house, took a sharp right and vomited. The other half of the room was taken up by a large black piano. The bench was angled, as if someone had been playing it and was interrupted halfway through a song. Edward never mentioned knowing how to play but there were still so many things I didn't know about him.

After dusting around the room a little, I closed the door behind me and ventured down the hallway toward the back of the house. There was another half-bath, and a pantry which I organized a little for the groceries that Esme was bringing home. I found a locked door, and then I was back to the kitchen where a high island took up the center of the room. It was accompanied by a smaller table in the corner, and the biggest stove I had ever seen in my life. I never knew you could be intimidated by an appliance before but that stove made my stomach bubble.

When I was done making my rounds, I called Alice to see if she was back in Seattle yet. I got her voicemail so I left her a message telling her that I was doing fine and that I'd call her in a few days. It had been a long time since I had went longer than a day without speaking to Alice and it left me feeling a little hollow as I disconnected.

I was just getting done spot cleaning the kitchen tile when my phone buzzed in my back pocket. It was Edward.

"Hello?"

"Hey," he said, "I wasn't sure if you'd be up yet."

"I woke up a few hours ago. How's your Mom doing?" I squirted some Mop 'N Glow on the floor and used my foot to rub the rag over the floor.

"She's more alert today but still pretty depressed. I just stepped out to grab some coffee for me and Carlisle. How are you doing? Are you too bored?" It was adorable how he was concerned about me when he was visiting his Mom in the hospital.

"Not at all. Esme whipped me up a sweet grilled cheese sandwich and we talked for a little bit. I really like her," I grinned. "She ran out to the grocery."

"She left?" He sounded a little annoyed.

"Yeah, but she's keeping me busy." I didn't want to go into too much detail, afraid that he'd think she gave me a chore list or something. "Did you check out any of the hospitals?"

He sighed. "Yeah, and they were both disappointing. I'll tell you more about it when I get home. What do you mean that Esme is keeping you busy?"

Damn it.

"Oh, this and that-I found the piano. Do you play?" I asked, casually trying to steer the conversation away from the cleaning I was doing for Esme.

He scoffed. "Of course, I can play. Is there anything that I can't do?"

I raised my eyebrows. "That's yet to be determined."

"Bella," he growled, "don't make me come home and show you what I'm capable of."

"Oooh," I said, "is that a promise?"

After some banter where I challenged Edward's libido and he promised to prove me wrong, we disconnected. I hung up and twiddled my thumbs a little with a sigh. Esme would probably be back any minute, and Edward said they would be back in a little over an hour. I hesitated for a moment before hopping into the living room and settling in front of the laptop that Esme told me I was welcome to use. Looking up information about Schizophrenia was an itch I had wanted to scratch since Edward had told me about his Mom.

I googled some of the questions I had, including symptoms and treatments. What it was like to live with someone who suffered from the disease and what it was like to be a caregiver. Reading about hallucinations, major depressions and paranoia made my chest ache with grief for Edward's Mom. The things I take for granted in my life hit me hard and a lump formed in my throat. But I also read about the difference having family support makes in the life of someone affected by Schizophrenia. Edward's role in his Mom's life wasn't just to be the protector, nurse or spokesman; he was also her son who loved her. Edward was stretched pretty thin, these days.

I chewed on my nails, thinking about ways I could fit into his life without putting more pressure onto his shoulders. His life was stressful enough without having a needy girlfriend who lived hundreds of miles away. Probably, I would need to make a list and that list would be hung on my fridge in Seattle when I returned home. First on that list: Do not be a needy long distance girlfriend. Then I added, Be Supportive, and Shave legs more. Certainly, smooth legs couldn't hurt, right? I mean, what stressed out boyfriend didn't like smooth legs? I also mentally added "keep condoms in purse" but then scratched it out because that's the man's responsibility. But he had enough to worry about. I added it again.

All these thoughts about Edward and stress and lists was wearing on me so I decided to do a good old fashioned google search on Telekinesis. I hadn't looked for new info in a few months, and this always seemed to take my mind of the current situation, whatever that may be. I searched on Wikipedia, google, and I even asked that butler guy "Any information on Telekinesis?". Nothing new. There were still morons out there attempting to learn how to do it by taking lessons and these crazy Science groups were still offering loads of money for proof of it's existence. Piss me off. I'll give you proof.

The sound of the door opening broke me from my hypnotic trance from the computer. I clicked out of the program, quickly erasing the history from the browser. It would be perfect for Carlisle to see that I've been doing research on Telekinesis.

"Hey, Bella!" Esme seemed full of new life after her trip to the store. She clutched a couple of bags and a few yards of what appeared to be more fabric in her hands. "Would you mind helping me in with some bags?"

"Not at all."

We carried in groceries, and laid them out on the kitchen island in a heap. When we were done we stared at the bags and Esme let out a breath. "It's been a while since I went. I forgot to ask you if there was anything in particular that you wanted."

I waved her off. "I'm not picky." I thought about it for a few beats. "Did you get any chocolate?"

She rifled through the bags with a devilish smile on her face and pulled out a large bag of peanut M&M's. "How's this?"

My eyes widened, and I probably looked slightly insane. "Perfect."

After we put all the groceries away, we sat down at the kitchen island with the bag of chocolate sitting right in front of us, unopened.

"Carlisle said he was bringing home dinner," she muttered. She looked longingly at the bag in front of us and then glanced at her watch. "They should be home soon."

I fiddled with the corner of the yellow bag and I watched her eyes dilate. "It wouldn't hurt to have a couple. I mean, if we ate a couple, then we wouldn't be sitting here staring at it, right? We could eat a couple and be done with it."

She pursed her lips in thought. "I suppose a couple wouldn't hurt…but only a couple."

Two minutes later, we sat shoving the candy into our mouths and laughing at the mauled bag in front of us. It looked like it had been attacked.

"I'm glad you came," Esme told me and I smiled at her, careful not to let a peanut slide out of my mouth. "It will be good for Edward to have someone here for him."

"I just don't want to be a distraction for him, you know?"

She popped another piece in her mouth. "Sometimes, distractions are what we need."

"Is that what the sewing is for you? A distraction?" Immediately, I regretted my question. Having grown comfortable with Esme, I was losing any sort of verbal filter. "I'm sorry if that question was out of line."

Thankfully, she waved me off. "No, it's fine. I do love to sew and it is a nice distraction for me. Actually, Lizzie was the one who taught me how to sew clothing for myself. She is an amazing seamstress." She smiled at the thought and sighed. "She lost interest a while ago but I couldn't seem to stop myself."

"I'd love to learn but I think I'm too clumsy. A piece of clothing that I would make would end up with blood splatters all over it," I smiled.

She laughed. "I think you'd surprise yourself. If you're up for it, I can show you the basics and you can decide for yourself."

"Sounds good."

The sound of the door opening caused Esme to panic. She grabbed the half-empty bag of M&M's off the counter and scrambled on a place to hid them, settling on the microwave. I laughed at her as she winked at me. I wasn't sure whether she was hiding them to keep them from knowing we ate them or keep them from eating the candy themselves.

She sat back down just as Carlisle and Edward wandered into the kitchen looking exhausted and weary. Edward had two pizzas in his hands and Carlisle had what looked like a pie. I held in a nauseated groan.

"Hey," Edward said. A small smile formed on his lips, contrasting the dark bags under his eyes. He set the food down and walked over to me. I rubbed my stomach guiltily as he placed a small kiss on my temple. "How are you?"

"Good, and you?"

He shrugged a little. "I'm good."

"So, we have pizza and apple pie from Anderson's Bakery," Carlisle announced. Esme winced and rubbed her stomach a little from behind him.

I forced down a small piece of pizza and a couple of bites of apple pie while Carlisle repeated some of the same questions that Esme had asked earlier in the day. He asked about where I was from, how I liked Seattle, and about my job.

"That must be a rewarding career," he said, spooning some vanilla ice cream on top of his pie. He offered a spoon-full to Esme and she shook her head. "What made you want to become a teacher?"

I set my fork down and cleared my throat. "Well, kids are so innocent and open minded. When they are seven or eight years old, everything is so new to them and they see the world so differently than we do. I think I learn something from them everyday.

"Plus, it's nice to know that I'm teaching them something that they'll take with them the rest of their lives. When they pick up a book to read it or add five plus five in their heads, in the back of their minds, they'll remember that I taught them that. As stupid as it sounds, I feel like I'm making a difference, you know?"

"That's not stupid at all," Esme replied and Carlisle agreed. Edward smiled at me proudly and I felt like I had just passed some sort of test.

After we ate, Esme cleared the table and sat back down with us. There was an odd tension in the air, and I craved alone-time with Edward to see how his day was.

"How's Lizzie?" Esme asked her lap. "How's she feeling?"

Edward sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. He looked so tired, and getting close to resembling the man I met in the kitchen that night in Miami. His skin was a mixture of pink, tan and white; the bags under his eyes a fading blue. "Esme, don't do this."

She looked up at him; her eyes glassy and red. "What?"

"You know what." The defeat and exhaustion lay heavy in his voice. "You can't blame yourself."

She opened her mouth, prepared to defend herself but then snapped it closed when she realized that he was right. "But she's okay, right?"

"She's going to recover from the overdose with no lasting side effects," Carlisle responded.

"Mom asked about you today," Edward told her. "She wanted me to tell you to get cracking on the dress you promised to make her because she wants it ready for when she comes home."

Her eyes widened. "She doesn't know…"

Carlisle huffed. "Of course she knows, Esme, why would we keep it from her?" Then he swiftly scooted back the stool and left the room.

Esme robbed her cheek of a tear with a quick wipe of her hand. She fiddled with something under the table, as Edward and I exchanged a look.

"He's stressed out, Esme." Edward reached out and squeezed her shoulder. "Mom said that because she…"he chuckled to himself, "because she said she knows how long it takes for you to sew a pattern."

She let out a breath of laughter and wiped away more tears. "She's so bossy."

After a few more minutes of small talk, and making sure Esme was okay, we headed upstairs. We got ready for bed and crashed beside each other under the soft down comforter on Edward's bed.

"I feel like such a whore," I mumbled.

Edward laughed. "What?"

"I mean, your Aunt and Uncle are, like, fifteen feet away from us and I'm getting all cozy with you…in your bed." I couldn't hide my smile as I said it because I had thought about being in this exact spot since the minute I stepped off the plane. Edward was on his back with his arm around me, and my nose pressed into the crook of his neck.

"Bella, we're both adults," he scolded. "It's not like we're sixteen."

"Yeah, but I like Esme and I don't want to make her think I'm some skank." Edward laughed again and I slapped him on the stomach. "Stop laughing!"

"Okay, okay, no more laughing," he sighed. "So, you like Esme but not Carlisle?"

Damn. I was hoping he hadn't caught that.

"Well, I spent a lot of time with Esme today and I don't really know Carlisle so…"I trailed off.

"Does it have anything to do with how he snapped at Esme tonight?"

"Maybe." I ran a hand over his stomach, silently apologizing for the slap. My fingers itched to journey underneath the elastic of his pants, and I squirmed a little at the thought.

"Carlisle is…he feels responsible for my Mom since he decided to become a Psychiatrist. The stress of the entire situation takes a huge toll on him," he explained.

"But Esme was so upset and it was like he didn't even care."

"He cares; trust me." He turned onto his side so that we were face to face. "Carlisle is stretched thin right now and he's frustrated…helpless. He feels responsible to find my Mom the best care, even if it's not up to him. Sometimes, he takes it out on other people unintentionally."

I cocked an eyebrow. "I still like Esme a lot more."

He chuckled. "By the way, how did Esme keep you busy today?"

I threw a leg over his hip in a desperate attempt at changing the subject, and his eyebrows shot up. "Are you ever going to show me how much you missed me and kiss the hell out of me?"

He accepted my challenge by kissing me so heartily, it made my toes curl. His hand went up my outer thigh, over my hip and back down again in a hurried fashion, creating heated friction. At that point, I wasn't sure if his brain was controlling his hands. I pulled back when the moment was getting pretty heated and a split screen image crossed my mind. Esme was on one side, looking at me sternly and waving her finger at me. I swear she was mouthing the word, "whore". On the other side, Edward was taking me from behind; his hands pressed firmly into my hips. The conflicting images created a strangled noise in my throat, and Edward groaned disappointedly as my lips pulled away from his.

"Tell me about your Mom," I panted. It wasn't until after I said it that I realized just how wrong that was on so many levels.

His eyes snapped open and he leaned away from me for a moment. I think he was trying to determine whether I was serious or playing some sick prank on him. "Is…is that what you were thinking of when I was kissing you?"

My face squished up into embarrassment. "Actually, I was thinking about Esme…calling me a whore."

He let out a groan of irritation. "You, Esme and I are going to sit down tomorrow and…"

"No! Dear God, No!"

He snorted. "Okay, tell me what you did today and I keep my lips sealed."

A sigh of surrender escaped my lips. "I cleaned."

A moment of shock flashed through his eyes. "You cleaned? Christ, I thought you were going to tell me she made you look at all the family picture albums. Why so secretive about cleaning?"

I shrugged a shoulder. "I didn't want you to think that Esme put me to work."

"All you women stick together," he chuckled.

"I really do want to know about your Mom," I murmured. "Tell me about her."

I nuzzled into the pillow like a small child preparing to hear a bedtime story.

"Well, like I told you before, she was diagnosed when she was twenty one and…"

I cut him off. "No, I want to hear about your Mom." He stared at me blankly. "What is she like?"

His face softened as he tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear. The fingertips of his hand lingered on cheek briefly, before settling on my hip.

"Well, she's…smart and beautiful but her calling is music. She taught me how to play my guitar and the piano."

"The piano downstairs?" I asked.

He smiled. "Yeah, that's ours. Was expensive as hell to hire movers to get it here but she insisted that it came when she did." He laughed, a genuine sound that came straight from his belly. "Carlisle was so pissed. He had to move his pool table."

"What else?"

His fingers massaged my hip as he studied my face. "She's stubborn and she smokes like a chimney. She has a wicked sense of humor; kind of like yours." I smiled at that, feeling touched that something about me reminded me of her. "She goes through these phases, maybe it's the Schizophrenia, but she gets these little obsessions that take her over. She did the sewing thing for years, but before that she was in love with gardening. Her mood dramatically changed in the winter when she couldn't be outside to dig in the dirt. One year for Christmas I got her one of those little herb gardens like Rosalie had, and she thought it was the best thing ever. I was sixteen, I think."

"She doesn't garden anymore?"

He shook his head. "One day, she just…stopped. Everything died, eventually, but it was like she didn't care."

"I want to meet her, someday," I said.

He smiled and nodded. "I would love that but I want to wait until she's better. We're going to look at a couple of other hospitals tomorrow." His hand moved from my hip to the dip of my waist. "Will you be okay here?

"Don't worry about me," I told him, "seriously. Esme is going to teach me how to sew."

He laughed. "I bet Esme is ecstatic."

I furrowed my brows. "Why?"

"Well, I'm sure Esme is dieing to weasel some questions in on you and sewing gives her the perfect opportunity."

"Like what?"

"Like, what your intentions are with her only nephew," he grinned.

I raised my eyebrows. "That's an easy one."

The grin on his face grew. "What would you say?"

"That I'll stick around as long as your fingers and your tongue are in working condition," I said, fighting to keep a serious expression on my face.

His eyebrows shot up. "Oh, is that so?"

I nodded. "Mmmhmm."

He responded with a heavy voice and dark eyes. "There are things that I can do with my fingers that you haven't even felt yet." I blinked at him. "Would you like me to demonstrate?"

"Yes," I breathed.

"You sure?"

"Uh huh."

"Okay." His tone was sing-song and his eyes morphed into a mischievous dance.

The hand that was on my waist proceeded to tickle me and I squealed with giggles and yelps that didn't stop until his lips met mine. I melted into his kiss and formed into him, body and soul. How would I ever live without this? How would I go back to Seattle and go back to being that girl, knowing that this man is here? I felt like that little mouse in that cartoon that I saw when I was little, staring up at the cloudy night and singing, "Somewhere out there". This was either God's idea of a joke or the biggest gift a person could be given. I was leaning toward the latter.

His hand roamed up the back of my shirt and groaned when it slid up my bare skin. He pulled away, his breath heavy on my face. "When do you have to leave?"

"My plane leaves next Thursday morning from 'O Hare." My hand went up his shirt, and my fingertips found the soft hair on his chest. I closed my eyes, relishing in the feel of him as my legs tangled clumsily with his.

"I want to take you out one night," he murmured. "Show you around."

"You don't have to," I replied. Hopefully, he would argue with me on this.

"I need to," he said. "How about next Monday night?"

I pinched his nipple between my fingers and he groaned into my hair. "I'll have to check my schedule."

His hand sneaked beneath the boundary of my pants, and he squeezed my rear gently. "I love your ass."

"Mmmm…I think…my schedule is pretty clear for Monday," I panted. I could feel his erection pressing into my stomach, pleading for freedom.

His fingertips moved over my hip, along the hem of my panties and my breath caught in my throat. Just as my hand grazed over top of the bulge in his pants, we were interrupted by Cyndi Lauper.

"Girls, they want to have fu-un…Oh, girls just want to have fun…."

My eyes popped open and Edward's hand froze.

"What the hell is that?" Edward groaned.

"Alice." I turned over and grabbed my cell phone off the nightstand. "I should get it."

"Of course." His voice cracked as he rubbed a palm over his face.

"Hello?" I answered, laying my head on the pillow. Edward scooted closer to me, his chest flat against my back.

"Bella! Hey! How are you?" She was yelling into the phone but I could barely hear her over the background noise.

"I'm good, Alice, where are you?"

"Hold on a second." There was some fumbling, the muffled sound of Alice's voice, and a loud bang. Then silence. "Is that better?"

"Yeah, where are you?"

" 'New Moon'. They're doing some sound checking so I thought I would come down with Jasper."

Edward leaned into me, and his hand trailed along my bare stomach. I closed my eyes as Alice told me about how much 'New Moon' had changed since the beginning of the summer.

"I can't wait to see it, Al. Aren't you tired from the flight?" I was trying to find a way to get Alice off the phone because Edwards thumb was fiddling with my nipple. I wanted to scold him and fuck him at the same time. "You know, jet lag and all?"

"Oh, yeah, I'm beat but I wanted to come out here and see the bar. We're leaving here real soon but I wanted to make sure you guys were doing okay. How's Edward's Mom?"

"Uh…she's okay. Better." I was trying to be vague in my answer so that the erection that was pressed firmly into my right buttock would stay right there. "How was the flight?" Edward had started kissing my shoulder and I couldn't really concentrate on my conversation with Alice. All I could think about was throwing my phone out the window, along with all my clothes.

"It was good, you know, no problems. Well, I guess I'll let you…Oh! I almost forgot something. I picked up our mail from the Post Office and you got something from Forks." My eyes popped open. "I think it's from your Dad."

Suddenly, Edward grinded his hips into me and his erection slid right between my butt cheeks. Even through layers of clothing, it was quite the shock. It was the last place I expected to feel his cock this evening so I yelped out in surprise. He rose a little in bed, wheezed out an apology and then proceeded to break out into silent chuckles.

"Bella? Did you hear me?"

"What? Oh, yeah, a letter from my Dad…uh…you can open and let me know tomorrow what it says," I told her. The bed was shaking as a result of the silent laughter come from the man behind me. I did my best to lay a slap on his thigh, but missed and got the mattress.

"Did you ever call him?" she asked.

"Who?"

Alice huffed. "Are you in bed or something because you're really out of it, tonight. Did I wake you up?"

"Yes, to the first question and no, to the second."

"So you're in bed but not…oh…never mind. Talk to you later."

Alice hung up before I could respond, and I put my phone on his nightstand. I flipped over and scowled at Edward, who had raised his hands up in defense, like he was waiting to be attacked.

"I'm sorry, seriously, I…" he tried to stop laughing with some deep breathing, "I really am. I didn't mean to…." he said.

I fought to keep a grin off my face. "You think this is funny?"

His face went serious but his mouth was twitching as he thought about my question. "Yeah…yeah I do."

My eyes narrowed. "You…" I pointed a finger at him, "are going to pay."

I heaved my body toward his, and straddled him while I pinned his arms above his head against the pillow. I had planned on doing something along the lines of a wet willie or noogie, but now that he was underneath me and staring up at me with those green eyes, I couldn't help but to kiss him. My hands released his as the kiss grew deeper. Our tongues moved together and our lips pulled and pushed. His hands wasted no time, while one went up my tank top and the other down my pants, cupping my ass. I could feel his arousal pressed firmly between my legs and I ached to lose the thin layers of clothing beneath us.

With his hands, he moved my hips against him, and we moaned together at the feel of the friction between our bodies. I grinded against him again, this time without the help of his hands. His fingers found the hem of my tank top and his green eyes asked silent permission to remove the offensive article of clothing. I lifted my arms straight in the air and he pulled it over my head and tossed in on the floor. The look of utter appreciation that passed over his face caused my body to move without my brain's permission. My hips and my hands were on a mission: Keep that look on his face at all costs.

"You are so fucking gorgeous," he groaned. "I still don't know what you're doing with me."

"That's funny." I was panting and my speech was slurred. "I was just about to say the same thing."

Dry humping had never appealed to me. I always pictured teenagers in the backseats of cars or girls with more willpower than me being ravaged by a lust-crazed man. I never knew that you could actually get off. Maybe, it's because the nicely sized appendage that I was currently dry humping was attached to the man I loved. Perhaps, not all dry humpings were this pleasurable or damn-near-heaven-like.

Edward's expression started to contort into what I now referred to, in my mind, as his "close face" so I continued moving over him. His "close face" looked different from this angle; more defined and impossibly enhanced. His large hands cupped my breasts, his fingers tweaking my nipples into oblivion. I felt so powerful and weak at the same time, as my own ache started to form in my belly.

"Girls just want to have fu-un-Oh, Girls, they wanna have…"

My hips paused, my brain unable to make the connection between the song and my phone. I thought maybe someone decided to treat us to mood music, and they picked the strangest fucking song.

"Fuck, Alice!" Edward said between gritted teeth.

For a moment, I thought he may have been calling me Alice but then my brain caught up with his and I scowled at my phone.

"Please, baby, just ignore it," he pleaded.

With those eyes, and those hands and that amazing friction…I would give him anything.

**~AMS~**

I woke up the next morning, alone, with a note on the pillow beside me. After blinking the dizziness of sleep out of my eyes, I opened it up and read it:

Bella,

Call me if you need anything. We should be home around 7 tonight. My fingers and tongue will see you then.

Love,

Edward

I grinned, unsure of whether to be more excited about the "fingers and tongue" part or the "love" part. Definitely the "love" part.

My phone beeped and I listened to Alice's message. She told me that the letter was from Charlie and it said he wanted me to call him ASAP. After some scolding from Alice over my lack of responsibility when it came to contacting my Dad while in Miami, she hung up. I groaned. I'd call him when I got back to Seattle. It may have been heartless of me but I figured if he was sick or injured, he wouldn't have been able to write me a letter.

After I got ready for the day, I entered the kitchen to a perky-looking Esme who was sitting at the counter with a mug clasped in both her hands. She looked much better today, with her chestnut hair brushed to her shoulders and sparkling blue eyes.

She smiled at me as I poured coffee into a mug. "Morning."

"Morning," I replied.

"Hungry?"

"Starving."

Esme made me her breakfast specialty which was a cherry Poptart with perfectly browned crust, and I bit into it with eagerness. She sat down across from me with a smirk on her face as she sipped coffee from her mug.

"So, did you really want to learn how to sew?" she asked with raised brows.

I nodded. "Yeah, I would."

She tilted her head. "What would you like to make?"

After thinking about it for a minute, I answered, "I think I'd like to make an apron."

Her eyes lit up. "I can show you!"

A half hour later, Esme was showing me the Ins and Outs of a sewing machine, as I chewed on my fingernails anxiously. It would be my luck to prick myself with a needle, and my gift would respond to it. I had been slightly careless since arriving in Chicago, reveling in the high that I felt when I was in Edward's presence.

We sat down, and she showed me the basics to sewing a straight line in fabric. She let me practice on a piece of scrap, and we both laughed at the unevenness of the final product.

"It's okay; you'll get better," she grinned. "When you are more confident, let me know and we'll map out a pattern."

"Okay." I scrunched up my face in concentration as the stitching swerved left and right on the scrap fabric. "This is harder than it looks."

I practiced for a few minutes as Esme sorted through the gobs of fabric that she had stashed all over the room. She seemed to have some sort of order to it, but God only knows what order that was.

"We should go into the city tomorrow while the guys are with Lizzie." She looked like a kid on Christmas. "We could go shopping and I can show you my almost-dream-shop."

"Your what?"

"My almost-dream-shop," she answered, "is the store I came close to buying after I got my business degree. My dream was to have my own vintage clothing shop, and I came really close to buying it."

"Why didn't you?"

Her face fell a little and she sat down beside the other sewing machine with a sigh. "I met Carlisle my first day at Chicago University. He was a sophomore, and I was this scared little country girl who found the bright lights of the city very intimidating.

"He was so handsome and confident; still is." The smile on her face reflected the love she had for Carlisle. "We dated for a while and, against our parents' wishes, we got married before we graduated college. They were all terrified that I'd get pregnant and neither of us would finish school."

"But you both finished," I stated.

"We did and Carlisle got accepted to The University of Illinois Medical Program while I finished out my senior year. When I graduated, I got a job at an accounting firm where I pinched pennies to save for my shop. As soon as I saw the 'For Sale' sign in the window, I fell in love with it and I immediately saw myself there. It was hard, saving for my own dream, while Carlisle took loans out to pay for his dream but he insisted that I use any extra money for my store savings."

"That was nice of him," I told her, concentrating on my stitching. "How come you never bought it?"

"Lizzie was diagnosed at the beginning of Carlisle's third year in Med school. He was devastated and hated not knowing everything about her condition. He threw himself into researching Schizophrenia, even going to the extremes of taking extra Psychology classes . That, added with his normal studies, was beginning to wear on him so I suggested to him to change his specialty."

"To Psychiatry?"

She nodded. "He worried about the backtracking he would have to do and the expense of it but I could tell by his eyes that it was what he wanted."

"You gave up your dream for his tuition," I said, looking up from the material.

"I didn't give up my dream, Bella, but I gave up the money for his tuition. He fought me on it, but I insisted that there was always time for the shop. If I didn't start it up at that time, I could always do it later in life. Reluctantly, he used the money but I never regretted giving it to him."

"That's amazing of you, Esme."

"Not really." She shook her head, the side of her mouth turned up into a smirk. "It wasn't easy to watch that shop, that I had pictured myself in so clearly, being sold to someone else but knowing that such a simple gesture could bring so much relief to my husband, it became moot."

"So, you did give up your dream," I said, matter-of-factly.

"No, there have been occasions since Carlisle graduated that he urged me to look for a place to buy, but I didn't. 'My dreams' morphed into 'our dreams', once we were married for so long. There is a part of me, though, that wonders what it would have been like."

"Carlisle is lucky," I told her and she laughed. "I mean, seriously, does he know how lucky he is?"

"We're both lucky," she said.

The room fell silent, except for the tapping sounds of the sewing machines as we both peddled away. I thought about what she had told me and imagined myself in her position. She was so selfless and kind which can be seen as weakness in today's world of the edgy working woman. While in deep thought, I accidentally pressed too hard on the foot pedal and the needle sewed a line right off the fabric. The thread tangled itself into a twisty knot.

"Uh oh," I mumbled.

Esme looked up from her own work and I made an "oopsie" face at her. She got up and looked at my mess of thread with amusement on her face.

"Easy fix," she smiled.

"Maybe, I'm not cut out for this," I groaned. "I can't even sew a straight line."

She laughed as she grabbed her scissors and cut the knot out of my thread. As she worked on fixing it, she kept glancing at me questioningly.

"What? Did I break it?" I panicked and started chewing on my thumbnail.

"No, I just…I have to ask you something and I don't want you to take offense."

My panic grew as I moved from my thumb to my lip. "Ask away."

"I need to know that you're with Edward for the right reasons, Bella. I can see the way he is with you and I see the way you look at him but I need to know that this isn't just some summer fling for you. If you were to go back to Seattle and forget about him, it would…"

"I love him," I blurted, "something fierce."

She looked a little surprised at my admission but she quickly recovered with a grin. "Good." She threaded the needle and positioned it back into the machine like a pro. "I needed to tell you about my shop because I want you to know what it means to share your love. Edward is beyond dedicated to his Mom, as I'm sure you're aware of, and it takes a lot of patience to keep from giving up on a relationship when he is so devoted to someone else ."

"You can give me pointers," I teased.

"Well, I gave up my shop money but that doesn't mean I haven't had my moments that I'd like to take back." She finished fixing my sewing machine and sat back down. "Carlisle also has moments that he'd like to take back, too."

"Isn't that part of a relationship? Give and take; forgiveness?"

She smiled. "A few years after Lizzie was diagnosed, we went through a period where all we did was argue. He was gone a lot, finishing his residency, and I felt neglected. They had just switched one of Lizzie's meds so when Carlisle wasn't at school, he was tending to her, understandably. During the argument, he told me to never make him choose between myself and his family."

I raised my eyebrows. "Ouch."

"I brooded about it for weeks, giving him the silent treatment until he sat me down one day, to talk. I told him how much that had hurt me and he had the nerve to seem confused about it. That's when he told me that the reason he had said that was because he loved his family, and it would kill him to have to give them up. He was telling me that if I put him in that predicament, that he would choose me."

"It still doesn't seem fair that he molded his life around taking care of his sister, while you are on the sidelines taking his leftover time," I told her.

"That's when I started becoming more proactive in Lizzie's life. You're right, it doesn't seem fair but when I married Carlisle, his family became mine so I accepted his role in her life." She shrugged in a no-big-deal kind of way. "Sometimes, you just have to adapt according to your priorities. Carlisle is, and always has been, my top priority."

I sighed, the gravity of the conversation weighing heavily on my heart. "Can I ask you something, Esme?"

"Sure."

"Are you happy?" I asked. She looked taken aback by my question so I started blabbering nervously. "I mean, with your life right now. Is there anything you would change? Would you do anything different?"

She scrunched up her face in thought. "I am happy, most of the time. It's been a long road," she murmured. "As far as my marriage is concerned, we've both made mistakes but that's life. You live and you learn, but there's nothing I would do differently, except maybe choose a different color for the carpet upstairs." We both laughed. "Just keep looking at the big picture, Bella, and you'll be fine."

As I finally became better at stitching a straight line into the scrap of material, that looked remarkably like Frankenstein, I thought about what Esme told me. I still didn't think life had been fair for Esme, when it came to marriage. However, life hadn't been fair to any of the Cullen's or Masen's, it seemed. "Rolling with the punches" was the term that came to mind, but what if it turned out that I couldn't "roll" fast enough? The thought of losing Edward made me sick but the thought of losing Edward due to my own selfish weakness was terrifying.

* * *

**A/N: So, this chapter gave me lots of trouble. I wanted Bella to do something she didn't want to do so I had to rewrite it a couple of times. I'm still not happy with it but there's nothing more I can do here. Love you all! Please review :)**


	18. Chapter 18 The Dance

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who is reading! Your reviews are very much appreciated. I can't tell you enough how much I adore you all :)**

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all twilight characters. **

**Chapter song: "Tupelo Honey"-Van Morrison**

* * *

Time passes quickly when you're having too much fun. It also passes quickly when you're concentrating way too hard on sewing fabric together to form something that resembles an apron. I had been working on this damn thing for three days. I came close to squealing when it was finally complete. I tied it around me and stood in front of Esme with a grin on my face.

"I love the fabric choice." Esme was humoring me, that much I knew. "The Halloween theme is certainly original."

"It's not Halloween themed." I looked down at my orange, black and purple apron. I shrugged. "So what if it's Halloween themed."

"Exactly," Esme smiled. "Congrats. You've made your first apron. What's next?"

I shook my head. "I don't think I can do that again."

She laughed. "You did really well, though. The hem is straight and the waist is perfect length, which is not easy to do." I blinked at her. "We'll take a break for a day or two."

"It's time for me to get ready, anyway." I looked at the invisible watch on my wrist. "Hopefully, Edward isn't taking me anywhere too nice because all I have are beach dresses and flats to wear."

Her face lit up. "You can wear something of mine."

"Do you think I'll fit?"

"There's only one way to find out," she grinned.

The sound of a herd of elephants filled the quiet house as Esme and I trampled up the stairs. I followed her to her bedroom, where she opened up her closet and held her hand out at it like Vanna White. It was the size of my bedroom, and it was full of clothes. I guessed that Carlisle's clothes were in a different room because these were all Esme's.

"Take your pick," she told me. "The only thing you can't wear is my wedding dress."

Some saliva went down the wrong pipe and I gasped for air, choking on my own bodily fluid. Esme mistook my troubles for fear of commitment and she cocked an eyebrow at me.

"You don't want to get married?" she asked.

I finally caught my breath and answered her in a wheeze. "I'd never really thought about it." It sounded like a bullshit answer but it wasn't. Through all my years of battling with my own brain, struggling to just live my life, the thought of marriage just didn't occur to me. The only real relationship I had ever had with anyone was the girl I was living with, who was neither a lesbian nor single. Living in Seattle, in my mind, love was a luxury that I couldn't afford.

"So, you never had those big poofy princess dress wedding fantasies when your were little? Being carried off on a white horse by the man of your dreams?" Esme looked at me skeptically as I shook my head. "Are you open to marriage?"

After some hesitation, I answered her honestly but I could feel my face heat up as the words left my mouth. "Before I met Edward, I would have laughed at the idea of marriage but now…the possibility of it has definitely surfaced."

She looked at me a moment, the skepticism still plastered on her face. I shuffled on my feet awkwardly as she looked me up and down.

"I think I have the perfect dress for you," she mumbled.

After a few minutes of rummaging through the racks, she pulled out a few dresses and pushed them at me. I took them and she left the room with an excited smile. The first dress was black and sexy but you needed serious boobs to fill it out. I had boobs but my boobs were far from being serious. They were the George Carlin of boobs: Short, spunky and entertaining.

The second dress was hot pink. Even with the slight tan I had, I couldn't pull off hot pink. In that dress, I looked like someone who was trying really hard but just wasn't cutting it.

Last but probably not least, I pulled on a strapless, midnight blue dress that fit like a glove. It made my George Carlin boobs look like George Clooney boobs. The material was soft but it wasn't clingy, and it hit me just above my knees. I looked at myself in the mirror, and I didn't recognize my own body. Where the hell did that come from? I turned around and even my gigantic ass was camouflaged in the flowing material.

"How's it going?" Esme asked through the door. "Any of them work?"

"Yeah, come in!" I called.

She walked in with a smile on her face followed by some gushing about how good the dress looked on me. I twirled around for her, and suddenly I was emotional. Esme and I had grown so close over the past few days, and her natural ability to nurture left me feeling a little verklempt. For a moment, I felt like I was getting ready for the prom I never went to and Esme was my proud mother. I wondered if this was what my mother would have been like if I hadn't been born with the nuisance of my gift. Perhaps, my parents would still be married. Perhaps, I never would have met Edward.

The overwhelming feeling of emotions took me over so completely that I found myself asking Esme to help me with my hair and makeup. She replied with a smile and a quick nod, as she straightened the hem of my dress.

"They should be getting back soon." Esme wrapped a strand of my hair around the steaming end of a curling iron and twisted it close to my scalp. "Carlisle said that Elizabeth is doing very well, considering."

"That's what Edward said," I replied.

Carlisle and Edward had moved Elizabeth on Saturday to a rehabilitation center on the west side of the city. It was the farthest away but it had everything that they had been looking for. There was extensive therapy programs, music and art programs, and even an outdoor garden in case she gets the urge to dig in the dirt. The main goal of the hospital was to help the patients learn how to live with the illness, and help the family with the warning symptoms of a possibly breakdown. After she reached a certain point, there was an entire community set up where she could have a semblance of normalcy yet still have twenty-four hour nurse support, if needed. There were steps that to be taken and if they moved too quickly, then they would go two steps back. It all depended upon how Elizabeth handled the therapy and medications, as to how quickly they would move up those steps.

"I'm going to see her tomorrow." I caught her smile in the mirror as she said it. She hadn't seen Lizzie since before the suicide attempt and the weight on her shoulders was wearing on her. I had only met Esme days ago and I could see that.

A comfortable silence fell between us as the small smile seemed to remain frozen on Esme's face. The gentle tugging of my hair against my scalp was heavenly and I found myself smiling and drowsy. I closed my eyes and hummed internally at the feeling. The only person to ever do my hair was Alice and I had to pay the price with her constant jabbering about this and that. Esme's voice was calm and gentle when she spoke, and her words were always significant.

"I used to pray for a little girl to come into this family," she said. "I love Edward and all, but there was no way he'd let me braid his hair as a kid."

We laughed.

"I'm sure he would have let you if you made him one of your special grilled cheese sandwiches." I opened my eyes to see that her smile had grown.

"I have a niece but I haven't seen her since she was six months old. Her mother, my sister, and I aren't very close so I've never really gotten to know her." She stopped talking and her smile melted off her face as she twirled hair around the iron. "It's sad to think that I have family out there that I don't even know. I'd pass her on the street…my own blood would walk right by me, and I wouldn't give her a second glance."

She sighed and shrugged. "That's life, though, huh?"

When someone is manipulating the hair on your head, there must be some kind of endorphins that release in your brain. Those silly little endorphins must travel straight from your brain to your verbal filter, sending it on vacation to God knows where.

"My Mom left me when I was eight." I had to physically stop myself from gasping and slapping my hand over my own mouth. Literally, my fingers on one hand had to clutch my other twitching wrist to my lap.

Esme stopped twirling and looked at my reflection in the mirror. "I'm sorry, Bella."

She was sincere and that was it; she went back to twirling. That was where I first realized how much Esme had impacted Edward's life. There were no questions. There were no pitiful looks or awkward faces. That was Edward.

I shrugged, looking at Esme in the mirror. "That's life."

Forty five minutes later, I was as ready as I was going to get. My hair was curled loosely at the ends, my feet were stubbornly wedged into black heels, and there was more makeup on my face than I had worn all summer. I looked in the mirror, and sucked in a breath. Who was she? She was beautiful. I should have paid attention to what Esme did and how she did it. I had the sudden fear that when it was all gone, Edward would be disappointed. When the makeup was washed off and the dress, back on the hanger-he'd realize just how homely I really was.

"Thank you, Esme," I told her. "I look…amazing."

She squeezed my shoulder with her hand. "It wasn't difficult, Bella. It was like painting a Picasso with a Paint-By-Numbers set."

I cocked an eyebrow at her. "You can knock it off. I'm not going to tip you, you know."

She laughed. "I'm going to check on Edward and make sure he's worthy of taking you out on the town. Come down when you're ready."

After ten minutes of a really retarded pep talk, I walked slowly down the stairs and into the living room. Carlisle was sitting by Esme on the couch with his arm wrapped tightly around her shoulders. He was whispering something in her ear. She giggled and slapped him on the thigh, her face breaking out into a blush. It was a little off putting, watching them flirt, since I now saw Esme as a sort of mother-figure.

"Oh, Bella!" Carlisle straightened up after he noticed me, and released his grip on Esme's shoulder. "You…uh…look wonderful."

Carlisle had grown on me the past few days. The man was under a huge amount of stress, and it made me thankful that Edward had someone like him on his side. He was smart and determined and had an incredible knack of picking out the perfect pastry from the bakery. What more could you ask for in an Uncle?

"Thanks, Carlisle." I raised my eyebrows and looked between the two of them. "Was I interrupting something? I can…" I pointed up the stairs, "go back up if you..."

They both blushed furiously and I grinned, proudly.

"No…it's…we're not…" Carlisle stuttered, "It's fine, really."

Esme giggled at his obvious discomfort. "Carlisle was just saying how he can't wait to be alone with his beautiful wife."

Carlisle's neck snapped toward her and Esme rose off the couch. "Esme!"

"That is what you were saying, was it not? Or should I quote you word for word?" The vein in Carlisle's head was starting to pop out. "Let's see, you told me…"

Esme was interrupted by the tickling fingers of her husband. She squealed like a teenager as she tried desperately to block his determined fingers from digging into her abdomen. He growled at her and she scattered to the kitchen.

Carlisle turned to me, triumphantly. "Enjoy Chicago, Bella."

My smile grew as I thanked him, and he retreated quickly to the kitchen in search of his wife.

"That was disturbing." I turned to see Edward leaning in the doorway, grimacing. "Like, really disturbing."

I didn't have a response and if I did, it wouldn't have made it to my mouth because all I could do was gawk. Edward was breathtaking in a black fitted suit, that hugged his body in all the right places. The white dress shirt under his suit jacket was left unbuttoned at the top, the slightest bit of hair poked out under his collar bone. He kept the stubble on his jaw and his hair was somewhere between "just had fuck-hot nookie" and "mind of it's own".

His eyes appraised me, just as mine had just done to him. Unfortunately, he started looking a little on the pale side which didn't make me feel at all comfortable.

"Y-you alright?" I asked, walking slowly to him.

The corners of his mouth twitched as his green eyes met mine. "Oh, yes." When I was close enough, he grabbed my hand and pulled me slowly toward him until our bodies were inches apart. He leaned in and kissed me below my ear, whispering, "I'm more than alright."

Esme let out a squeal from the kitchen and I never saw Edward move so fast.

"You ready?" He glanced toward the kitchen. "We better move, unless you want to find out more about Carlisle than you ever want to know."

"Yikes." I grabbed the black shawl that Esme had lent me. Edward tugged me out the door by my hand toward his brown Jeep Cherokee.

"Where are we off to?" I asked as Edward buckled his seatbelt. "I don't need a pair of Nike's, do I?"

He smiled a gorgeous smile full of white teeth. "Not this time. We're going out to dinner at a piano bar, then we're going to Grant Park."

I furrowed my brows. "A park at night?"

His smile grew impossibly wider. "You'll see but we have to be there before ten."

According to Edward, we had three hours to eat and get to Grant Park. I figured we had plenty of time until he pulled up to the piano bar where we would be eating. The red neon sign out front said the name of the place was "Lou's". Lou sure knew how to pack them in because there were people on the sidewalk, in the doorway, and hanging out in the parking lot. My nerves spiked and I took a shaky breath.

"What is everyone doing here on a Monday night?" I asked.

Edward looked at me like a head had suddenly sprouted from my ear canal. "It's request night."

Despite the look I received in response, I barked out some laughter. "Oh, pardon me. How do you suppose we are going to get in, eat and be at Garden Park before ten?"

"It's Grant Park," he corrected, then waggled his eyebrows at me, "I've got connections, sweetheart."

We got out of the Jeep and walked, hand in hand, to the front of the bar. I was shaking even though it wasn't cold and Edward squeezed my hand in reassurance. When we reached the front, Edward bypassed a small group of young college kids, and we walked in. By some act of God, someone had vacated a stool by the bar just as we were walking up to it. Without warning, Edward dropped my hand, grabbed my waist and lifted me up on the stool. He must have sensed the disaster that could happen when heels and climbing were added with Bella Swan.

He pointed to a heavy-set guy behind the bar. "That's Lou. I'm going to go talk to him for a minute and get us a table."

My eyes grew wide. "People are going to hate us," I hissed. "I can wait."

Amusement stretched across his features. "Nonsense, Bella. You're too beautiful to wait."

And that was my official "Nobody puts Baby in the corner" moment. I had no response to that except a dramatic scoff and an eye roll which he returned with irritation. He gave me a kiss on the forehead and went in search of Lou, who apparently would get us a table.

I took this opportunity to check out my surroundings, because that was important if you had the ability to cause crashes with your brain. It was a classy bar without the uncomfortable snobby feel. The walls were dark and decorated with red velvet curtains, and the tables were also covered in the red velvet. There was a candle and a single rose on every table. A dance floor took up the rear of the building, while two pianos sat on a small stage in the corner. One piano was empty while the other was being played by an older gentleman with a white handlebar moustache. The tune coming from the black shiny instrument was "Crocodile Rock" and the moustache man was brilliantly sounding like Elton John.

"What can I get ya?"

I turned to find the bartender staring at me expectantly. He was dark and extraordinarily hairy.

"Oh, I'm fine, thank you," I told him with a smile.

The caterpillar across his forehead rose, almost to his hairline. "If you sit at the bar, then you gotta drink."

Someone should have really filled me in on these Piano Bar rules. Seriously.

"Oh, okay, then-I'll have a Coke."

The caterpillar twitched with annoyance and the hairy bartender tilted his head at me in annoyance. "Just a Coke?"

"Uh…and a Bud Light, of course."

That seemed to satisfy him as he stalked off to get my drinks. I rummaged through my small handbag and pulled out some cash to pay the guy. He set the drinks in front of me, and I handed him the money with a tip included.

"That's a strange combination," a dark voice said from behind me. I turned around to see a big man in a nice fitted grey suit and dark purple tie looking at me. His hair was greasy and his skin was dark; he looked Italian. "Coke and beer?"

I looked down at the drinks. "The beer is for my…" What in the hell was I supposed to call Edward. We hadn't really discussed our relationship but "friend" just didn't seem to cut it. "I'm here with someone."

He put his hand on the bar behind me, and I turned my body away from his and toward the bar. Clearly that was a sign of disinterest on my part but apparently it wasn't clear enough. A strong odor of whiskey came from his breath as he leaned into me.

"You look good enough to eat," he mumbled in my ear.

I moved away from him and glared daggers at him. "I'm here with someone."

The humor was lost on me but he found me rather amusing. The deep chuckle that came from his chest was sinister and it made me shudder. _Breathe, Bella, Breathe_. I searched the bar with my eyes for a black jacket and copper hair. Lou was near the rear of the bar and Edward was nowhere near him.

The guy kept staring at me, and hovering but he didn't say anything. I thought that maybe he had given up until I felt the tip of his finger going from my shoulder and down my arm. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, searching for my happy place. This is why I hated places like this.

"Where is this boyfriend of yours?" he hissed.

I opened my eyes and looked at him, my jaw clenched painfully. "If you don't leave me the fuck alone, I'm going to split your balls with my shoe."

His eyebrows rose at my threat. "Wow, that's…"

"Hey, our table is ready." Edward appeared out of thin air, like Dracula poofing out of bat form. He was talking to me but his narrowed eyes were focused on the Jackass standing next to me. His jaw clenched and he gently took my hand to help me off the stool. "Is there a problem?"

"No, let's just…"

"Actually, your girlfriend here was just telling me what she'd like to do to my balls," Jackass said smugly. My eyes widened and my mouth dropped. Thank the heavens that Edward was holding my hand because my brain would have certainly cracked something in two.

Edward's grip on my hand tightened and he stepped nose to nose with the Jackass. I was back to being confused. Hump his leg or discourage the rage; always a toss up when he's angry-hot. Personally, I'd like to see how much damage he could do to this guy but I didn't want to end our date by bailing him out of jail.

"I'd heed the warning if I were you," Edward told him. "She doesn't lie and those heels are mighty pointy."

We left Jackass in the dust as we weaved around tables toward the corner of the bar. Edward pulled my chair out and I sat down with a sigh of relief. He sat down next to me at the small circle table and scooted his chair closer to me.

"You okay?" he asked, agitated. I nodded frantically and clasped his hand on top the table. "I'm sorry, Bella, I never should have left you alone at that bar."

"I'm fine, really."

He nodded a little but the agitation was still there, making his feature tense and his movements jerky. The piano busted into a jazzy rendition of "Sexual Healing". A few couples, young and old, raised from their chairs and glided onto the dance floor. I envied them and their ability to glide, especially the women wearing those fucking heels. When I wore heels, I was lucky if I didn't walk like Ostrich. I visualized an ostrich walking in heels and smiled a little.

"What are you thinking about?" I blinked at the sound of Edward's voice and took a breath to compose myself. He was still irritated about the guy at the bar, I could tell. His tone was meant to sound teasing but it came out flat and accusatory. "You look like you're having some entertaining thoughts."

If only he knew what I had been thinking about.

"Nothing. I'm just happy to be here," I told him.

He let out a defeated sigh and clasped his hands in front of him on table. His eyes found the dance floor however I wasn't sure if he was actually watching the people.

"Edward, what's wrong?" I asked.

His eyes snapped to me. "Nothing."

"Is it about that guy?" I asked. "I'm fine. Don't let it bother you, okay?"

His posture slumped and he scratched at his stubble then looked up at me with cautious eyes. "I worry about you going back to Seattle."

My brows came together. "Why?"

He made a noise that was a mixture of a scoff and a groan. "You're fucking gorgeous, Bella." I opened my mouth to argue but he cut me off. "While I'm here and you're there, some idiot like _that_ is going to sweep you off your feet."

If it wouldn't have been so patronizing, I would have patted his cheek with my hand and told him how adorable he was. "I'm a bit offended, Edward, that you think I'd let some idiot sweep me off my feet."

He rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean. I'm not exactly a catch and my situation is, at the least, difficult. "

I grabbed his hand and pulled it toward me. "You don't see yourself clearly at all. That crazy thought that you consider me out of your league is slightly endearing but very annoying. This…" I motioned between him and me with my free hand, "this is the only thing I want."

While I thought my words would bring him relief and satisfaction, the small smile that formed on his face didn't reach his eyes. After we ordered our food, his mood changed into something comparable to sadness. He laughed when appropriate, he answered all my of my questions about his history with the bar, and he even tapped his fingers to the beat of a Beatles song but there was something lacking. The spark, that was so refreshing, was gone from his eyes; beaten by insecure and maddening thoughts. If only he knew what he had done for me and how much he meant to me. If only he could see the Bella that had arrived in Miami for the person she was and not the one that sat in front of him in that bar. I felt like I had grown up. Awakened, even, by the simple touch of his hand and the awesome way that he made me feel. It had nothing to do with the magic he unknowingly held in his wonderful skin but it lie in the words that he spoke and the gentleness that radiated from his core. There was no one in Seattle, nor the world, that could make me feel like Edward Masen did.

"Okay, folks, this is a special request by a good friend of mine," Rich, the piano man announced. Edward had told me that Rich and himself had dueled on pianos, in this very bar, every summer when he came home from college. "This song is dedicated to Bella from Edward."

My body tensed and my eyes widened. Some sort of strangled groan erupted in my throat and I kept my mouth tightly closed to keep it from escaping. Edward stood, keeping hold of my hand, and grinned at me, slyly. My face was burning like a fire and even though it was ridiculous, I felt like the entire place was gawking at my reaction. No one knew that I was Bella and the beautiful man holding my hand was Edward but I was so self-conscious that my stomach bubbled with nausea.

The piano erupted into some sweet notes; a familiar but unidentifiable tune that made my whole body shiver. "Dance with me," he said simply.

It wasn't a question but a request, but I felt the need to answer him regardless. I shook my head, and bit in to my bottom lip hard to distract my brain with physical pain.

"You're a scoundrel," I whispered. "You've seen what happens when I dance. Plus, the dance floor is empty-everyone will stare at us."

His grin grew and he let go of my hand. The couple at the table next to us fell easily into his charms as they happily agreed to join us on the dance floor so we wouldn't be alone. He reclaimed my hand and tugged me out of my chair. Rich's gruff voice filled the room with raw passion and confidence.

"You're a rotten, rotten scoundrel."

He laughed as he gently tugged me toward the dance floor and wrapped a strong arm around my waist.

"_She's as sweet as tupelo honey, she's an angel of the first degree. She's as sweet as tupelo honey, just like honey from the bee.."_

"Just relax, Bella," he whispered.

"This is not going to end well. I'm warning you," I hissed into his ear.

He pulled me flush against him; his hand tight on my lower back. His sweet breath warm in my ear and the scent of him filling my sinuses, giving me a temporary buzz. We swayed together, our bodies moving in synch with each other as if we were made for this kind of intimate movement. My hand relaxed on his shoulder and swam up his neck and into the hair on the back of his head.

Whether it was the candlelight or the music or the way Edward was holding me, I wasn't sure, but I had the feeling he was making a reference to life when he whispered in my ear, ""Trust me, baby, I won't let you fall."

**~~AMS~~**

We arrived at Grant Park at 9:45, and Edward was still acting strange. He was quiet and the spark was still missing, but he seemed fairly content with the evening so far. I couldn't figure out what I had said or what had happened, besides the Jackass incident, that would have completely changed his mood. It was grating on my nerves but I didn't want to bring it up in fear of it ruining our night.

He grabbed my hand and we walked in silence on a path toward the center of the park. A breeze was coming off of Lake Michigan, and I was thankful for the shawl that Esme had lent me as I kept it tightly wrapped around my shoulders. My feet were starting to protest the heels but I kept a constant awareness of my posture. Occasionally, I would have to give myself a mental pep-talk, _"Don't limp, whatever you do, don't limp."_

We walked to a fountain, where a small crowd had gathered to watch the display of flowing water coming from statue fish and tiers of marble. The water of the fountain was lit up brightly by lights built into the stone. The view of the skyline was breathtaking, and the trickle of the water was calming even as the chattering of the crowd became the soundtrack.

I leaned forward against the railing, close enough to feel mist on my cheeks that the breeze carried through the air. Edward came up behind me and enclosed me with his arms, a hand on each side of me. I felt invisible in that moment; cocooned in his arms-the warmth of his chest pressed against my back.

"The Buckingham Fountain," Edward whispered.

"It's beautiful." My voice broke as Edward hummed in agreement.

"I used to be fascinated with it when I was little. For a long time, I insisted on being here every night to watch the light show," he laughed.

"The light show?"

As if on cue with my question, the top of the fountain grew high in the air and music started playing from speakers around the fountain. People "ooh'd and aah'd" at the different colored lights that reflected on the water as it seemed to dance to the music. We watched in silence, The smell of him and the sight of the light show filled my senses and gave me the temporary sensation of complete and utter contentment. I leaned back on him and sighed, never wanting to leave this place-mentally and physically.

It was over all too soon and the small crowd offered a spattering of applause as if the fountain could stand up and take a bow.

"It's ridiculous how cool that was," I said. "Thank you for bringing me here."

I could feel his chest shaking with laughter. "You're welcome."

"What's so funny?"

"Just how easy you are," he said.

I turned around with my mouth agape, his hands still clasping the rails of the fountain. "Did you just call me easy?"

His face fell instantaneously. "That's not what I meant. I just…it's nice how simple you are." My eyebrows rose and I put my hands on my hips. "No, I mean, it's nice how something as simple as this can put a smile on your face. You don't expect me to take you to Tiffany's or a five star restaurant to make you happy."

My eyebrow rose. "You mean we could have went to Tiffany's?"

He frowned at me. "You're ruining my compliment."

My hand found it's way to the back of his neck and I tugged him down gently so my lips could meet his with a tender kiss. "This was the perfect date."

"It's not over, yet." He looked over my shoulder as he said it; a strange tone to his voice.

"Oh yeah? Where are we going now?" I asked.

"I want to show you something."

I took one last look at Buckingham Fountain, as we walked toward the car, wondering if it was bad luck to walk away without making a wish.

**~~AMS~~**

He cut off the engine after we pulled into the driveway of a darkened home in a quaint little neighborhood somewhere on the outskirts of Chicago. It hadn't taken us long to get here but I had no idea how close we were to Cullen's house. The house was so dark, it was eerie; like no one had lived here in years.

"This is where I grew up," he told me. "My Mom lived here before she moved in with Carlisle and Emse."

I leaned forward to get a better look. It was obvious that no one had time to come out and landscape or fix the shingles on the room that had been shuffled around. However, I could see this house in a different light. I imagined a little Edward swaying back and forth on the wooden porch swing, and a determined Elizabeth digging in the flower garden on the side of the house.

"You want to go in?" He looked apprehensive and I wondered if this was what had him worried all night.

I smiled and nodded at him. He returned the smile as he got out of the car, and quickly made his way around to my side. My feet screamed obscenities at me as they reached the pavement, and I silent promised them that the torture contraptions that enveloped them would be removed before long.

We walked up the cement steps leading up to the covered wooden porch, and Edward jangled his keys in search of the correct one. He plunged it in the keyhole and turned the knob. The overwhelming smell of dust assaulted us as we walked through the door and into the house. Edward flipped on the light, and walked me into the living room. There was a large empty space, presumably where the piano had been. The walls were covered in family pictures and baseball trophies sat on the mantle above the fireplace. My fingers ran over one of the larger ones, leaving a finger trail in the thick coating of dust that had collected on the gold.

"You must have been good," I commented.

He shrugged a shoulder. "I guess."

"Why did you stop playing? You got a scholarship to UW, right?"

"Baseball was never something that I loved to do. I was good at it and it got me a free education but I didn't want to do it for a living." He walked next to me and looked at the trophies like it was his first time seeing them. "My parents loved coming to my games. It was the only thing that really got my Mom out of the house, and it came so naturally to me, that I just kept playing."

The pictures on the wall were of Edward and his Dad but not many of his Mom. He told me that she was always the one behind the camera, snapping pictures of them. It appeared that she went through a photography phase, too. They were my favorite kind of pictures. None of them posed but taken at the perfect moment when Edward's father was making a silly face or Edward was dancing oddly to a favorite song. Moments of the past caught as you want to remember them. It was what pictures were supposed to be like; personal and poetic-begging to be talked about.

"You want to see my room?"

I could have easily answered his question with a sarcastic comment but the look on his face stopped me. A worry line was knitted between his brows and his Adam's Apple bobbed in his throat as he waited for my reply.

"I'd love to," I told him.

We walked to the back of the house, passing several closed doors and a bathroom. He turned a lamp on beside his bed, and it dimly lit up his room. It looked oddly empty. A small blue recliner sat in the corner between his bedside table and a dresser. His bed was made up in maroon, and the bookshelf beside his bed was almost completely empty except for a few textbooks.

"Do you want something to drink? I think there's still a bottle of wine in the basement," he said. His hands were stuffed into the pockets of his pants and his suit jacket had been removed at some point. I was dating the equivalent of a male model. Where in the hell did he get off thinking _he_ was out of _my_ league?

"Sure," I squeaked. "Do you mind if I take off my shoes? My feet are killing me."

He looked almost tortured for a moment before walking over to me, and grabbing my hand. As he guided me toward the blue recliner, his hand shook as it grasped mine. There was something terribly off about him. I struggled with indecision on whether to ask. What if he was done with me? What if he decided that being in a long distance relationship would be too stressful? I wouldn't let him leave me. I couldn't. I wouldn't.

I sat down and he knelt in front of me, his eyes avoiding mine. His hand skimmed over my knee and down my bare calf until it reached the torture device that was hugging my foot. He gently pulled my foot out of the black shoe, and wrapped his warm hands around it. I closed my eyes as he applied pressure to the sides and bottom of my foot. I moaned like a whore and my eyes snapped open to see him watching me. His eyes were red and glassy; pained and anxious.

"Edward, what's wrong?" I asked.

He stared at me a few moments longer before releasing my other foot from the grasp of the heel. His hands moved over it, like they had done with the other one and I held back another moan.

"I wanted to bring you here because…" He stopped, something conflicting within him. "I want to share everything with you, Bella."

A moment of relief washed over me before I realized that the pain was still evident on his face. Something was definitely wrong.

"You're scaring me, Edward."

He shook his head a little as he raised up in front of me. "I need to tell you something."

"What?" He stepped backwards until his legs were against his bed, and he sat with an uncharacteristic slump.

I rose from my chair and approached him; his eyes focused on my feet. He put a hand on each side of my hips and he pulled me to him until his forehead pressed into my belly.

"Just tell me, Edward. Whatever it is…it'll be okay."

He inhaled deeply, almost as if he was smelling me. "You have to promise to try and not hate me."

I ran my fingers through his hair. He was sweating. The dampness collected on my fingers as I continued my attempts to soothe him.

"I promise, but you're seriously freaking me out." I hated how I sounded. Small and insignificant.

"The beginning of the summer, when you asked me about college," he mumbled.

I wracked my brain, trying hard to process the past few months in my mind. We didn't talk about college a lot since we didn't really know each other back then so only one conversation came to mind.

"Mike Newton?" I asked, my face squished up in confusion. My hands ceased their movement, but they stayed plastered onto his clammy scalp.

He turned his face up to me so that I could see his eyes and he let out a shaky sigh.

"I lied to you, Bella."

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**A/N: Please don't throw anything at me. I hate cliffies but this chapter has been going through my mind since day one. I'll probably post the next chapter in a few days, if things go smoothly in RL. Just a hint-reviews make me write faster. Seriously, they are very encouraging for me.**

**The song that Rich was playing was "Tupelo Honey" by Van Morrison. **


	19. Chapter 19 Take me or leave me

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who is reading! Your feedback is awesome. :) This was a toughie but I had some mojo-fairy-writing-dust sent to me by a special, special lady. Plus, she talked about Rob's crack a lot which is always inspiring. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all characters.**

**Chapter song: "Colorblind" by Counting Crows**

* * *

My hands flew from his hair as if it had just burst into flames. "What?"

He shifted his gaze back to my feet and removed his hands from my hips. "When you asked me about what happened between you and Newton, I lied to you."

"You mean you…made a bet with him?" Panic made my voice shaky and weak.

His posture straightened and he looked back into my eyes; he looked angry. "No, no, I never would have…what I told you about that was true."

I let out a breath that I had been holding, and my muscles instantly relaxed as I sat down beside him on the bed. "Then, what did you lie about?"

His hands rubbed over his face in a frantic manner. I shifted beside him on the bed, uncomfortable and impatient. I looked at my feet. There was a red blister forming on the top of my foot.

"The first day I saw you was in Trig my senior year. The first day of the semester, and I was surrounded by sophomores and a couple of guys from my class. Math wasn't my strongest subject and back then I didn't take school as seriously as I should have." He frowned as he stared down at the floor. I didn't remember seeing Edward in that class, but then again I tried to hide constantly in college. The smaller I was, the better chance I had at blending in. "But there you were, beautiful and so fucking smart. You sat up front, in your baggy sweaters and tight little jeans. I sat closer to you with each passing week, trying to gain the courage to talk to you. The last class of the semester, I sat right behind you; I still blame you for failing that exam."

I managed a small smile but confusion occupied my face. The baggy sweaters and sitting in the front was the only thing I remembered about that class. I wore tight little jeans?

"Later in the year, you showed up at one of our Frat parties with Alice and I tried to talk myself into talking to you. I'd see you across the room, and you'd catch me watching you, like you told me. You just always looked so…so confident, like you didn't feel the need to impress people."

Even though a snort was the last thing this conversation needed, that's what I did. Confident? What? "Why didn't you just talk to me?"

"I thought all you would see is some Frat boy jock with his head up his ass."

I cocked an eyebrow. "So, you thought I was a snob?"

"No, that doesn't…" His fingers nervously scratched at the stubble on his chin, and then made a pass through his hair. "I just didn't think…"

This was hard for him. He was struggling and at this point, I wasn't sure whether to smack him in the back of the head or take his hand. I still wasn't sure where this confession of guilt was going and I didn't want to act prematurely.

"I was an idiot," he finally said. "I didn't talk to you because I was a big fucking idiot."

That was insane: Edward noticed me in college and he barely registered on my map until the whole Newton ordeal. In fact, I thought he was a little creepy with his smirks across the room and barely-there conversations. The man had always been gorgeous but he made me paranoid back then. I waved my hand for him to continue because patience wasn't on my list of strong qualities this evening. His rambling was torture and I just needed to hear it. For once, I needed the band-aid ripped off even though it wasn't his style.

"So, I asked Emmett about you since you were friends with Rosalie." His face scrunched up in to scowl as he looked at me. "Newton heard me and the next day, he asked you out."

"What you told me about you guys hating each other?"

His eyes widened but his scowl remained. "That was absolutely true."

"He asked me out to piss you off," I mumbled.

His gaze fell to the floor and he swallowed audibly. It all came together in my head so quickly that I couldn't really think about Edward's innocence or guilt. My heart was pounding in my chest as the realization zigzagged in my head until I was nearly cross-eyed.

"When he started dating you, he made sure that I knew but no one else did. He never brought you around the house, and I didn't see you on campus together." His eyes were still focused on the tattered brown carpet of the floor and his fingers played subconsciously with the edge of the comforter.

"You knew he was messing with me?" I asked. "You knew that he was going to do what he did?" I looked down, shame prickling through my body until I wanted to heave.

"I didn't know that he would go to those lengths but I knew that he was seeing you to piss me off."

I shook my head. "Why didn't you warn me? Talk to me?"

"You didn't know me at all, Bella. I was afraid that if I went up to you out of the blue, and told you that your boyfriend was a fucking prick, you would have thought I was a lunatic. I'm sorry; it was…it was my fault."

The frown that formed on my face actually hurt my cheek muscles.

" I thought that sooner or later, you would figure him out. That one day, you'd see him for who he really was," he explained. "My plan was to wait until that happened, and then make my move."

"You're talking about me like I was some chess match or…or…or baseball game. It was my life!" I said.

One of the books off his bookshelf fell hard to the floor. Even though we both knew what caused it, he didn't blanch. It didn't even seem to register with him. Instead, he looked at me, his green eyes sincere and pained.

"Bella, I'm sorry."

His hand reached for mine but I recoiled. "Don't touch me," I hissed. My intention wasn't to sound angry but it came out like a snake. If he touched me, I wouldn't be able to think clearly. The feel of his skin on mine would confuse me even more.

The image of him bristling at my reaction made tears fill up my eyes. "When I told you that night on the beach what he did, did you already know?"

The sadness on his face revealed his answer before his mouth had time to respond. "Yes," he whispered. "He told me what he did."

My mouth fell open but there were no words to describe the humiliation that I felt. Thinking about that night on the beach and how relieved I was to know that Edward had nothing to do with it. Morbid curiosity got the best of me when I asked, "What did he say?"

Edward sucked in a breath through his lips. "I'm not going to tell you word for word, Bella, but it wasn't true. I never believed a word of it."

I tilted my head. "Tell me."

"I can't."

"Please," I begged. "I need to know what he said."

He looked at me for long time, his eyes shifting over my face, before answering with a definite "No".

I huffed and reeled in my mature desire to blow a raspberry at him. "What happened after that?"

"I beat the shit out of him and sent him to the hospital," he said. "I lost my baseball scholarship. Luckily, they didn't kick me out of school since it was my senior year and I had never been in trouble before."

My mouth fell open. "How did I not know this?"

"I thought you did until that day you asked me about it on the beach. After that whole ordeal, I didn't see you until graduation when you came for Emmett and Jasper."

"I sort of had a breakdown after that and I didn't really go out…at all."

We sat in silence for a few minutes as this new information sunk into my brain. Exhaustion took over both of us as we sat on the edge of the bed, avoiding eye and skin contact.

"I'm going to go and get that wine," he mumbled. "I'll be right back…unless, you want to leave."

I shook my head even though he wasn't looking at me. "No, I just need a minute."

"Of course."

Before he left the room, I called out to him and he turned around slowly to look at me. "Why did you tell me this?"

"It weighed heavy on me, Bella. I needed you to know before we took this any further. If I waited months or years to tell you that, it would have…" he trailed off, shaking his head.

"It would have what?" I asked but he was already gone.

Now what? Was I supposed to be mad at him? Should I have been mad at Edward now when, technically, it wasn't even his fault? What crime did he commit? I couldn't help but feel a little, I don't know, betrayed. He should have had the guts to talk to me about Mike the minute he knew what was going on. Would I have listened?

The fact was that everything that had happened to me in my past brought me to this point in my life. I was educated, employed and I had some amazing friends. And Edward. I had Edward. For the first time in my life, I believed in fate. The feeling of wholeness that swept through me when Edward was in the same house had to mean something. I had never been in love before now, and this feeling was strong. Stronger than my anxiety. Stronger than physical pain. Stronger than my gift. Fate had connected me with him not only once, but twice. Just because he stood back and trusted in me to see Mike for what he really was, didn't make him guilty. I was the fool. The desperate freak. The memories of what happened back then sunk back into my mind, causing my chest to ache. I was sad and humiliated and horrified that I had been deceived. In my quest to feel normal, I took what I could get in the form of Mike Newton. It was my fault that I let my desperation blind me into being trumped by the first chubby boy that showed me any kind of attention. I was no different from my roommate, Jessica, who let just about any dick into her vagina-however, Jessica was just able to admit it. Maybe, if it weren't for this gift, I would have gotten along with her. Gotten nailed every weekend by a different guy at a different Frat house. I shuddered at the thought.

I sighed heavily and looked down, once again, to my feet. I wiggled my toes and sneered at the red polish on the nails. My feet were seriously ugly. The middle toe on my left foot was crooked because I broke it when I was twelve, dancing around Alice's living room to Backstreet Boys. My second toes were the longest on both feet, which gave them a sort of disfigured look. My feet were boney and skinny and veins popped out all over the place. The newly acquired blister was red and raw. My mind wandered back to Edward removing my shoes, and gently massaging my soles. He didn't grimace or even sneer. There was no hesitation in his touch or lack of enthusiasm as he rubbed them. Fuck, I loved that man. I had to tell him, not just that I loved him, but I had to tell him everything just as he had done for me.

"Is it safe to come in?"

My eyes snapped up to see his face poking in the room, nervously. Another button on his shirt was undone, and I internally moaned at the image of shirtless Edward that floated into my mind. He was playing dirty. I wouldn't let his teasing collarbone or chest hair, screaming to be touched, steer me away from what I had to do.

"I have to show you something," I told him with a shaky voice.

His brows came together for a moment but he walked in, a bottle of water in each hand. "I couldn't find the wine," he shrugged.

"It's okay; come and sit." I scooted over on the bed even though there was plenty of room for him already.

"Christ, I wish I could read your thoughts right now," he mumbled as he sat down next to me.

"The past is the past, Edward," I sighed. "What happened wasn't your fault."

His eyes dilated-green to black then back to green. "I should have…"

I grabbed his hand. "It doesn't matter. It's done."

He released a long breath from his mouth. "That's it? You're not resentful or even just a little angry? If it was me, I think I'd want to slap me. You're seriously not angry with me? Even for the lie?" I raised my eyebrows and shook my head. "You can slap me if you want. Would it make you feel better to slap me? You can check number five off your bucket list-I'm a willing participant."

Number five…number five…what the fuck was number five. My face must have revealed my confusion.

"The wedgie."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, the wedgie…no, I don't want to give you a wedgie."

"You're amazing, you know that? I mean, I have been…"

The words cut him off; my ability to hold it in any longer was kaput. "I love you, Edward."

His face went pale and some strange noise came from deep in his throat. Hopefully, it was the shock that caused it but there was no going back now. It was all or nothing.

"I have to show you something…something that I should have told you about already," I said, as I stood up. I walked around the room, in search of the perfect prop. I found it in the form of a little ceramic elephant that was sitting on the top of his dresser.

"That…I've had that since I was a kid," Edward mumbled.

"Does it mean a lot to you?" I didn't want to take the chance of breaking something that was valuable to him.

Perplexed, he shook his head and I placed it back on the dresser. I walked back over to him and stood by his side. Anxiety tripled in my body, and I almost doubled over as adrenaline pumped through my veins. This could be the straw; that final straw that made him decide that I'm not really worth it. My own mother made that decision when I was eight, so I really couldn't blame him if he did. I was a freak; take me or leave me.

"Hold your hand out-palm up," I instructed. Slowly, he raised his left hand and held it out; his blind faith in me was remarkable.

After a "here goes nothing" from under my breath, I placed my hand on his; palm to palm. I closed my eyes when my skin touched his. That feeling, that glorious, wonderful, brilliant feeling, washed over me and I forced the girlish giggle, that had built up in my tummy, down with a deep breath. If he accepted this, us, after he learned of his magic then he would get away with a lot of shit in the future just by touching me. I didn't care. It was the crack whore within me, clawing at my insides, yearning to just crawl inside one of Edward's pockets for eternity. Sometimes, I was afraid I was getting immune to it because it didn't make me weak in the knees or fall all over myself like it did in the beginning but times like this, it made me feel replenished. Like finding a gas station in the middle of the desert when your gas gauge is teetering on "E".

I opened my eyes to see him watching me, curiously. "Watch the elephant," I told him.

As soon as his eyes found the little faded ceramic figure, it hovered off the dresser and floated slowly toward us. The movement of it was so steady that even I was impressed with my abilities.

"Bella, I've seen this before so if you're trying to scare me away…" he trailed off.

"Take your hand away."

Without hesitation, he dropped his hand and as soon as his skin broke from mine, the elephant fell to the floor with a thud. My stomach fell right along with it, and I held my breath anticipating his reaction.

"What…I still don't get it," he whispered but I could tell by the look on his face that he did, at least partially, "get it".

"Put your hand back up."

And he did, so the elephant hobbled off the floor until it was even with our eyes. I made it circle a few times until I grew bored with it and I pulled my own hand away from his. It fell again with another loud thud.

Edward sat down on the bed, his wide eyes still glaring at the ceramic elephant. "You can only control it when someone is touching you?"

I blinked a few times, unprepared to say it with words-I figured actions would speak for themselves. "I can only control it when you are touching me."

"I thought that you were just…getting better when you spilled that drink on Rose's Dad and the banana…" His face was painfully unreadable; scrunched up into a frown. "How long have you known?"

I sat down beside him. "When I shook your hand, that first night in Miami, I felt something but I didn't know about…that…until the banana."

He nodded but his face was still all scrunched. I didn't like scrunched. Scrunched made me nervous and a little sick. Was scrunched ever a good thing? I thought about Edward's "close face" and smiled a little because that was definitely some good scrunching.

His voice brought me back to the present and my smile vanished. "What did you feel that first night in Miami, when we shook hands?"

I told him about the anxiety that sits heavy in the pit of my abdomen, like a constant fist around my stomach. The anxiety that is a response to the "gift" that has controlled my whole life. The scrunching slowly disappeared as I told him about how good it feels when his skin meets mine, and how it seems to calm my soul when he's in the same room. I told him everything from my fears to my moment of "A-Ha!" after the banana incident. Call me poetic. Call me dramatic. Call me brutally honest. I felt like I was tearing myself open, and allowing him to see everything; the good and the bad.

"Why are you telling me this now?" It seemed like it was the question of the night.

"Because I love you, Edward, and I need you to know everything." I could have went on and on about how much he meant to me but I kept it simple. Edward always liked simple.

He blinked at me but there was no scrunching of any kind, which depending upon the situation could be a good or a bad thing. It was a good thing at this point. His gaze was perpetual and eventually I started to shift a little, uncomfortable with his lack of reaction.

So, I started to ramble. "If this is too much for you, I'd understand because we've covered a lot in the past couple of hours. I mean, we pretty much know every little dirty secret about each other except…well, there was this one time at band camp that…"

Edward put his finger on my lips and opened his mouth to speak, but furrowed his brows instead. "You went to band camp?"

I rolled my eyes with his finger still pressed to my lips. "Ip fuzz gun to be a choke." He removed his finger. "It was going to be a joke."

He looked a little disappointed so in defense, I managed some more rambling. "Not that there's anything wrong with band camp, I mean, there's lots of…"

This time it wasn't his finger that stopped those incredibly annoying words from spouting from my mouth, but his lips. His delicious, soft and powerful lips put a stop to any and all of my excessively nervous rambling. The kiss was gentle but meaningful, and by the time he pulled away I had nearly forgotten what we had been talking about before he started it. Then I caught a glance at that little damn ceramic elephant and I blew out a sigh.

"I don't know what this means, Bella, but it can't be a bad thing, right?"

I could feel my face light up. "You're not angry?"

"Why would I be angry?"

"Th-that I didn't tell you right away and I was worried that…" I trailed off, terrified to plant this seed in his head.

"What?"

What the hell; it's all or nothing, right? "I was afraid that you would think that I have feelings for you just because of how you make me feel when you touch me."

He pulled up the corner of his mouth into the kind of smirk that I wanted to lick. "I trust you, Bella, and I have faith in you. I wouldn't have brought you here if I didn't trust you."

He kissed me again, this time with renewed eagerness. A hand on each of my cheeks pulled me closer to him until I found myself crawling into his lap with a knee squeezing each side of his hips.

As he pulled away, once again, the little horny crack whore within me caused a whimper that I couldn't contain. Struggling to speak, his voice coarse in my ear like sandpaper on a smooth wooden surface. "Bella, you are my purpose for anything good I do in my life, right now." I found nothing but earnestness in his green eyes and I felt tears begin to prickle in mine. "I love you."

Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around his neck and gripped onto him like he was holding me back from flying away in a hurricane. His hands ran over my back, wordlessly soothing away any of remaining fears I had of rejection or abandonment. The thought of going back to Seattle pressed into my mind and I released him but only long enough for my lips to find his. The needy kiss was on the verge of being violent as our teeth gnashed together and my tongue found his, warm and wet inside his mouth.

A button flew across the room as I yanked his shirt apart. Finally, I could run my fingers across his chest and feel his warmth beneath my fingers. There was no longer any doubt nor anything being held back. I felt the zipper of my dress being lowered and the stale air of his room hit my back like an awakening. I pried myself from his lap, and we stood together; both of us knowing what was going to happen in his childhood bedroom in the deserted house of his broken family. That's what we were, broken and incomplete, except when we were together. Fate was a funny thing. Life had thrown impossibilities at us and it took finding each other to mend us back together. Make us whole.

His hands pulled my dress from my body, followed by the snaps of my bra. After his long fingers glided my panties down my legs, I fumbled with his belt; impatient and clumsy. He took over, and unbuckled it with one swift move. I almost shouted a joyous "Hallelujah!" when I unbuttoned his pants and they fell from his hips. There was no one else and there never would be.

We lay down on the bed, hands wandering over each other's bodies with painfully slow grace. I wrapped my hand around him, pumping slowly, and I watched his face for signs of pleasure. His hand moved over my breasts, circling them and speaking to them with his hands; telling them that they were not and would never be forgotten. My insides boiled as his fingers moved over my torso then achingly over my pelvis. When one entered me, I gasped and moaned and my hand pumped harder. He groaned and pulled away from my hand.

"What? Did I hurt you?" I asked.

He chuckled. "No, but if you kept that up, I wasn't going to last long."

I felt smug as I smiled at him then he added another finger and my smugness turned into delicious surrender. I would give him anything.

Warmth pooled in my belly and spread lower until the recognizable ache in my abdomen took over any rational thoughts. His fingers were working me, inside and out, but it was the tender whisper and hot breath in my ear that made me fall over the edge. "God, Bella, you're so fucking beautiful. I can't wait to feel you, wrapped around me." I shivered and bucked and moaned; everything inside of me felt misplaced and jostled about. My kidneys were throwing up white flags and my bladder was texting to my pussy a "WTF?". "Come for me, sweetheart."

My body responded with a resounding "YES!" and every muscle in my body tensed with my orgasm. It had never felt like that before. A "Dear John" letter was already in the works, addressed exclusively to my showerhead. Poor thing-it would never see it coming.

"Oh my God," I groaned as my body continued to have aftershock muscle spasms. "That was incredible."

He pulled his fingers out of me, slowly, and smiled down at me. It was his turn to let the smugness roll off of him in waves. I ran my hand over his erection and watched his eyes close with a groan.

"Do you have a condom?"

His eyes snapped open. "I do, but we don't have to…"

I went lower and ran my fingertips over his balls. He responded with a groan I'd never heard before, and a muttered, "fuck!".

"Don't make me beg because I will if I have to."

He looked at me like he was actually considering my offer however after a few seconds, he leaned over me and grabbed a foil packet out of the drawer in the bedside table.

"That isn't…from high school, right?"

He responded with a bark of laughter. "No, I put those in there a few days ago when I knew I wanted to bring you here."

I raised my eyebrows. "My, my-someone was feeling lucky."

"Lucky doesn't even begin to describe how I'm feeling."

God damn, he's good.

The animal in him came out, when he took the foil packet in his teeth and ripped off a corner with a deep growl, that I wasn't sure he was aware of. He spit the piece of foil out of his mouth, and I went cross-eyed as it landed smack dab on the bridge of my nose. If his fingers weren't so close to my lady parts and his cock wasn't grinding into my hip, I would have found it pretty comical. Right now, I just wanted the latter inserted into the former as soon as possible.

"Sorry," he whispered as he removed the tiny piece of smut trash from my nose.

I shrugged the best I could. "S'okay. It happens."

His mouth found my nipple, because it had been screaming in ignored agony since he passed it up the first time around. I arched my back and groaned as he sucked, swirled and just barely bit into the tender flesh of my chest. With his mouth still latched onto me, he positioned his body over me, and between my legs. He was right there, pulsing and hard, positioned at my entrance. He released my nipple with one last nibble and a gentle kiss, and I shivered underneath him. I thought about the talk Alice had with me in Miami about taking it slow. Excitement and agonizing anticipation flooded through me as I let my eyelids flutter open to see intense green eyes, asking me for a sign of permission. My legs spread wider, surrounding his body and I nudged him closer with my feet. My seriously ugly and talented feet that could repulse and clean rooms and remove underwear. Ludicrously, I wondered if my feet could make me some kind of superhero. I didn't have time to think on it for too long. With a gentle kiss to my lips, he slowly entered me and I could feel myself stretching around him. Accepting him. Embracing him.

Alice didn't know what the fuck she was talking about.

He felt good. So fucking good. I felt whole and pure and loved and I wondered if anyone in the whole fucking world had ever felt this fucking good. When he was in me completely, he stopped and breathed onto me as if he was bathing me with his scent.

"You feel so fucking good," he moaned. "Are you okay?"

"Uh huh," I half-groaned.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive."

"Do you want to…"

I learned something new about myself in that moment. Horny and unsatisfied Bella can be a bitch.

I cut him off. "Edward!"

His dark eyes widened slightly and a smirk pulled at the corner of his mouth. "Yes?"

"I'm begging you to fuck me."

Edward loved dirty, irritated, horny Bella.

It was like an earthquake. Everything happened at once. His mouth crashed into mine, and he pulled out of me and then pushed back in, slightly harder than he had the first time. He grunted as he did it again, and I lay beneath him basking in the glory of the vision of Edward losing control.

"Ugh…God, Edward..."

My body was on fire. Sweat rolled off my throat and down the back of my neck, as his thrusts became more powerful and less controlled. I lifted my hips to meet his, like my body had been ingrained with the knowledge of this act before my brain knew how it felt. This intimate act, this making love thing, was absolutely all that it was cracked up to be. I felt protected and cherished, like I mattered to someone for the first time in my life. In that moment, I could take on anything thrown at me and I would overcome it. He knew me. He loved me. Holy shit, he really loved me.

For the second time that night, the ache built up in my tummy. I could tell he was close when I opened my eyes to watch him, panting above me.

"I…oh God…I can't…" His face contorted as he pounded into me three times and then he almost collapsed on top of me. I smiled as he nuzzled his face into my neck, and licked at my collarbone. His muscles jerked and he shivered as I ran my fingers up and down his back, through the wetness of sex and sweat.

He lifted his face up to mine and kissed me gently. "I'm sorry; I couldn't wait any more."

In the dim light of the table lamp, I could barely register his blush. I ran my hand over his cheek; my thumb over the darkness of the bags under his eyes. "Please, don't ever apologize for making me feel like that."

Two bottles of water and an hour later, we were laying half dressed in his bed munching on stale potato chips. Edward was on his side, facing me, and I was on my back with my right leg draped across his hip.

"Can I ask you something?" I squeaked.

He narrowed his eyes and shoved a chip into his mouth. I took the closed mouth chomping as a "yes".

I looked at the ceiling, embarrassed about my question. "Um…how many girls have you, you know, been with?"

When I glanced up he was chewing on the inside of his cheek. "Well, let's see…" He held up both hands and started counting to himself, "twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty four, twenty…does oral count?"

I blinked at him, dumbly.

He grinned and sighed, "I've been with four women, counting you."

My mouth dropped open and I slapped him on the arm. "Criminy! I thought you were serious!"

"I've never seen color rush out of someone's face that fast!" he laughed.

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Aren't you going to ask me the same question."

He tilted his head. "I thought we already covered that."

I raised an eyebrow. "Well, are we counting oral?"

He frowned at me.

"Uh…well, I…if…" he stuttered.

I grinned at him, like the Cheshire Cat. "Why so pale, Edward?"

He pursed his lips and went for me like a cat on a mouse. His strong lean fingers did a number on my abdomen, until I screamed out a half-assed apology and a cry for mercy.

"Okay," he breathed, "it's time for inappropriate post-coital conversation."

"Oooh, I'm excited!" I grinned and he made a face. "What? It's my first one."

He sighed. "My mom wants to meet you."

I shifted beside him on the bed and made sure my boobs were covered by the sheet. There should never be nipple exposure when discussing one's mother. If it wasn't a written rule then it should have been. Maybe, perhaps a commandment.

"I'd like to meet her, too, but I thought you said she still wasn't up for it." Truth was, I was nervous as hell to meet Elizabeth and not just because of the situation. I wasn't good at meeting new people in general, especially Edward's Mom who knew him better than I did. The smooth relationship I constructed with Esme was a fluke, in my opinion. The woman could probably get along with Freddy Krueger. She'd have him sewing up some adjustable mittens and patching up his ripped sweater moments after introductions.

"She's doing really good at the new hospital and she was asking me today when I was going to bring you around. Since I wasn't sure when you'd be able to come back to Chicago, I figured you'd want to meet her before you go back."

I nodded. "Of course."

He grinned and ran his finger across my cheek. "Do you really have to go back?"

"I wish I didn't but I do. I have this meeting next Monday with my boss so I have to be back for that." I didn't want to tell him but it was a meeting to renew my contract for the following year. It would be a tough decision; jobs teaching these days weren't exactly easy to come by but I couldn't imagine going that long without Edward. This next year would be hard enough as it was.

"That really sucks," he commented. He ran his hand along my inner thigh until he reached my panties that I had stupidly thrown back on. The tips of his fingers sunk under the fabric, barely touching my sensitive flesh. My body reacted with a writhe and a moan. "I guess I'll have to make sure you don't forget me."

"Not a chance, Masen, not a fucking chance."

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**A/N**


	20. Chapter 20 Elizabeth

**A/N: So, I realized that my A/N at the end of the last chapter was cut off but have no fear. It was just me, begging for reviews. :) Thanks to everyone who is reading. We meet Elizabeth here and this was another tough one to write. Enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all characters.**

**Chapter song: "Timshel" by Mumford and Sons (If you don't know Mumford and Sons, check them out. I love them long time)**

* * *

"You'll be fine, Bella." Esme typically had really good advice but the whole "you'll be fine" thing just wasn't cutting it.

"What if she hates me?" I asked. I know I was borderline annoying at this rate but I couldn't help it. I was meeting my boyfriend's mother, whom he adored, and I couldn't help but feel a little inadequate.

Esme rolled her eyes which was completely unhelpful in this moment. "She's not going to hate you," she smirked.

"How do you know?"

She brought her mug of coffee to her lips and sipped. "Just be yourself and she'll love you."

Be myself. Awkward and clumsy with a dash of witty sarcasm was being myself. It still didn't feel like enough, but it was all I had at this point.

"I should have made her an apron," I quipped. "Dazzle her with my sewing skills."

She raised her eyebrows. "Yeah, that would work."

I snorted at how easily it came for Esme to poke fun at me and took a sip of coffee. The toaster popped up and I watched Esme scurry over to it. She placed my breakfast on a paper towel and laid it down in front of me like an offering.

"Thanks," I smiled. "I'm going to miss these home cooked meals."

Her head fell back and she laughed. "I'll write down the recipe for you."

"I really am going to miss you," I told her. "You've really helped me with this whole thing." There was so much more I wanted to tell her, like how I wished I lived closer. How I wished she was my mother. But that would make me Edward's cousin and that would just be wrong.

She put her hand on top of mine and gave me a tightlipped smile. "I'm going to miss you, too. You're welcome to stay here anytime and for as long as you want."

"I'll probably take you up on that offer," I said as I blinked away tears.

I ate my Pop tarts, as Esme told me about the dress she was making for Lizzie. It was going to be a yellow sundress she was conjuring up for her birthday the following spring. She was trying to find the perfect patterned material but no matter where she looked, nothing satisfied her.

After I ate, I cleaned up the counter and waited for Edward. "I wonder what is taking him so long?"

Esme snorted. "Probably his hair. He spends forever trying to look like he just rolled out of bed."

I laughed because in walked Edward, oblivious to our conversation and looking exactly how Esme had just described. His hair had grown since the beginning of the summer, and I itched to trim it up for him but he wouldn't let me. It was so bad now that it fell over his eyes at the end of the day when the humidity was at it's worst.

"What's so funny?" he asked, looking from me to Esme then back to me.

I shrugged. "Girl talk."

He groaned and mumbled to himself, and we laughed harder. It's funny how the words "girl talk" can make any grown man squirm and grimace. They must think we sit around and talk about tampons and Gyno exams. I used that phrase several times growing up when Alice and I would be conspiring in our living room, and Charlie walked in to ask us what we were talking about. He'd grunt and avoid eye contact for the remainder of the evening. I internally groaned at the thought of Charlie. I'd have to call him tomorrow when I arrived back in Seattle and it wasn't something I was looking forward to. Conversations with him was like getting a full mouth extraction with no anesthetic. Each word was a single tooth that had to be yanked from healthy and strong gums. I wasn't one to open up to him either, so I'm sure he felt the same way. The last time I'd talked to him was Christmas and it was a ten minute conversation that consisted of about fifteen words. As each day passed, my curiosity grew as I wondered what it was he had to tell me. It wasn't Charlie's style to send out letters to get him to call me. Usually, he'd just wait for the next holiday to roll around.

Edward's voice broke me from my thoughts. "You ready to go?"

I nodded and waved at Esme, who returned it with a smile and a finger wave. Carlisle had went back to work that morning after taking personal time for his sister so it would be just Edward and I. Edward opened my door for me, closed it and I let out a deep shaky breath before he opened his door and got in.

"Relax, Bella, she's not going to eat you alive, you know."

I scoffed a little too loudly. A disbelieving scoff that would make anyone look a little guilty. "I know that! I just want her like me, that's all."

He looked at me for a moment before leaning over and moving his lips gently over mine. "How could she not love you?"

I grabbed his hand and clutched onto it for dear life. "Maybe, because I'm a freak who can make things explode with my brain?"

The grip on my hand was tightened and he looked at me sideways. "You are not a freak," he scolded. He let go of my hand and turned engine over and he put the gears of his Jeep into Drive. "You can actually make things explode?"

"I don't know," I grumbled, "probably."

He chuckled as he found my annoyance amusing, and put the gears into drive. I watched him shift from gear to gear, the tendons and muscles rippling beneath the soft layer of hair on his forearm with every move he made. There was something sexy about that, watching his strong hand wrap around the shifter and maneuver it with ease.

"So," he started, "I was thinking about possibly moving out to Seattle in the future." I snapped my gaze from his hand to his face. "I mean, it wouldn't be anytime soon but I'd like to live close to you, eventually."

I shifted in my seat so that I was angled toward him. "Wouldn't you want to stay here so you could be close to your Mom?"

He shrugged a little. "If this program works for her, she'll be able to live on her own and she'll have Carlisle."

"I think I should move to Chicago," I told him. "I really don't have close family like you do and if your Mom needs you…"

"It's not fair for you to uproot your life when you clearly have a job that you love."

"Family is more important than a job and there are plenty of schools in Chicago that I could work at." I put my hand on his knee and squeezed a little. "Besides, I'd love to live close to Esme."

"What about Alice or your Dad?"

"What about them?"

"Don't you think you'd miss them?"

"I would absolutely miss Alice but we could visit each other. She'd freaking love Chicago," I laughed thinking of Alice's wide eyes when she took in the shopping selection downtown. "My Dad is another story."

He looked at me sideways but didn't offer any more questions or commentary. I knew that my relationship with my Dad bothered him. The fact that his Dad was taken from his life too early, made him sensitive to any Father relationship. Truth was, I loved my Dad because he was my Dad. End of story. I didn't know him and he didn't know me so what was there to miss.

After a while he squeezed my hand that was resting on his leg, and smiled at me. "If you moved to Chicago, you could move in with me."

I raised my eyebrows. "Where?"

"Well, I'll probably live in my Mom's house until she completes the program and then maybe we could rent a place or we could buy."

I hated to burst his bubble but I had to make sure he was clear on my work situation. "I have to stay where I'm at until next summer and then my contract is up. The meeting I have next Monday is to discuss my future with the school district."

"You think they'll want you to sign a new contract?"

"Yep."

His bubble was officially burst. I knew he had questions for me but he didn't ask and I was thankful because I didn't know what kind of answers I could give him. We had established the fact that we loved each other and I had faith in that but I had ten months before I was free to move to Chicago. I was new at this whole relationship thing so what if I fucked it up before then and I didn't sign the contract for the next year. I'd be out of a job and out of an Edward. I've only had to think about one person my whole life, and now, suddenly, there was an "us" I had to think about. Blinded by my love goggles, I had to make sure I was making a rational decision come Monday. Thank God I had an Alice.

We into the hospital parking lot ten minutes later, and I shamelessly ogled Edward's forearm as he downshifted and put the car in park. After yet another stupid pep talk from him, we climbed out of his car and headed for the entrance. My insides were filled with Pop tarts and a giant bundle of nerves. Not a good combination and I hesitated as we walked by the bathrooms; wondering if it would be a good idea to just make myself puke before I could do it all over Elisabeth.

Her room was empty so we wandered out into the garden area where he said she usually was if she wasn't in her room. That's where we found her, bathing in the sun and lounging on a plastic lawn chair with a cigarette between her fingers. She smiled when we approached her and I was astounded by how much Edward resembled her. The reddish hair, the high cheek bones and green eyes were the same parts of Edward that I found irresistible. It made it easier to walk up to her without my knees falling weak or muttering craziness to myself. Edward's hand gripped in mine also was a helpful factor.

Reluctantly, I let that hand go as she stood up to give Edward a tight hug and kiss on the cheek.

"Mom," he said, releasing her, "this is Bella."

She looked me up and down quickly before settling on my eyes. "It's nice to finally meet you, Bella. I've heard so many good things about you."

I smiled and shook her hand. "You, too."

Once we sat down and I went through the "my life up to this point" question and answer session, my nerves settled a bit. She was delightful and funny and in spite of her pale complexion and too-thin frame, she was just as gorgeous as her son.

"Edward tells me that you went to college together," she said, and lit up another cigarette. "Did you ever see him play ball?"

I shook my head and smiled. "I didn't but I was pretty unsociable back then. The only places I really went to were class and the library, outside of my dorm room."

She took a drag from her cigarette as she watched me. Her gaze was impenetrable and it forced me to look away, toward a small group of people in the corner of the garden who were planting flowers. Edward squeezed my hand.

"It's a shame that you didn't get to see him play; he was fantastic." She smiled proudly at her son who rolled his eyes at her.

"You're a little biased, don't you think?" he murmured. "I wasn't _that_ good; just good enough."

She laughed and I couldn't help but laugh with her. Her whole face lit up when she was interacting with Edward, and I could see their connection in the short amount of time that we had been here. "You're so full of shit," she said, pointing a finger at him then she looked at me again. "He was so damn good, he got a scholarship for almost the whole four years he was there. Then he lost it because of some fight he had with one of his friends."

Edward's muscles tensed beside me and I tried to keep whimpering. _Did she know that I was the reason for that fight? _"That…guy was never my friend hence the reason I beat the shh…crap out of him."

She flicked her wrist at him, telling him it was no big deal. "You never have told me what that whole thing was about. Probably over some girl who didn't deserve you."

I couldn't help it; I burst into a fit of giggles. My hand acted as a fallible cork, as strange noises erupted around it and I looked more like the patient here than Elizabeth. Mother and Son looked at me with a mixture of amusement and confusion.

Edward raised his eyebrows. "You okay?"

"Yeah, it's just…I don't know," I giggled.

Thank God for small favors because the nurse took that moment to walk over and tell Elizabeth that group therapy started in fifteen minutes. Apparently, Elizabeth hated group therapy so it completely took the focus off my panicking giggle attack. I took a deep breath and gripped Edward's hand so tight that his knuckles turned white. My fingers had grown numb a few minutes ago but not much could help that.

After the nurse had walked away, Lizzie frowned at Edward. "Oh goodie; group therapy."

"Mom," Edward warned.

"I know, I know…but you know what would make it a little bit easier to get through?" she asked, a smile growing on her lips.

Edward looks suspicious. "What?"

She mimicked playing a piano on her laps with her fingers. "There's a keyboard in the music room that you can bring out here."

Edward looked pained; like someone had just threatened to wax his pubic hair. "I don't think people want to hear that. There's other people out here that might not…"

With her bottom lip protruded, she had the pout down. She'd give Alice a run for her money with that look. "Please? Humor your Mother."

He rolled his eyes and let his head fall forward in defeat. "All right," he grumbled. "I'll be right back."

Reluctantly, I released his hand and bit the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing at the way he shook it afterwards, trying to shake away the numbness. My gaze never left him as he moved around me, into the building and out of sight. When I looked back to Elizabeth, she was watching me closely. I felt like I had been caught with my hand in the cookie jar.

"Do you love him?" she asked.

_Uh oh. Here we go._

I gave her my best serious face and no matter how uncomfortable it was, I kept eye contact. The protectiveness she felt for Edward was written into the creases on her face and the bags under her eyes. "I do."

Her eyes twitched, almost as if she was consciously keeping from narrowing them at me. "Are you going to take him away from me?" Her tone wasn't harsh or accusatory; it was simply a question no matter how loaded it sounded.

I shook my head. "No."

She lit up another cigarette and took a long pull from it. The weight of the humidity in the air kept her exhaled smoke from sailing into the air so it bubbled around the two of us. "You live in Seattle and Edward lives here. How is that going to work?"

Her questions were so practiced and rushed that I wondered if she even wanted to hear him play the keyboard at all. "Eventually, I'd like to move out here and…" I trailed off because I wasn't really sure what happened after the whole moving out here part. What was I supposed to say? I could have said, "Then we'll get married, have babies and live the rest of our lives behind a white picket fence" but that would have been far from the truth. Our relationship was new, that was a fact, but that kind of life wasn't in the cards for Edward and I. We took it day by day because you never knew where the next fork in the road would lead us.

"Don't you think you'd miss your family if you moved out here? Maybe, you'd resent Edward if you…"

I cut her off. "I don't have any family."

She tilted her head and looked at me funny. "Where are your parents?"

"I haven't been close to my Dad in years and my Mom left me when I was eight. If it weren't for my job, I'd pack my bags as soon as I got back to Seattle."

Her eyebrows jumped a little and she sucked on her Marlboro Red. She blew the smoke out followed by a choked sob. "I'm such God damned burden to him."

My mouth fell open but nothing would come out. I was sad and petrified and desperate for something-anything that would help her through this moment.

"He's dropped everything for me: School, work, his friends. It's the reason I wanted him to go to Miami; so that he would remember what his life was supposed to be like. He refused to go at first until Emmett told him that you were going to be there." She wiped tears off her cheeks with shaky hands as my eyes widened at her words. "See, he told me about you before he went to Miami. How you were the girl he was taken with back at UW, and he lost his chance because of his fear. When he talked about you, I saw an excitement in his eyes that I hadn't seen in a long time. Even after that, I had to convince him to go because he didn't want to leave me. I told him that there wasn't often that you get a second chance in life."

I stared at her like an idiot. Edward came to Miami because I was going to be there. Secondhand smoke filled my lungs and my heart skipped a beat as I processed that information. Edward came to Miami for a second chance with me.

"If he wants to go to Seattle, don't fight him on it. It would make me feel horrible to know that I'm holding him back from something that he loves." It was obvious how hard those words were to get out of her mouth but she meant them.

I didn't hesitate to reach out to her and put my hand on top of hers. She flinched but only a little as I curled my fingers around her palm. "I can see where Edward gets his compassion, Elizabeth. However, I can't allow Edward to move to Seattle."

Her brows came together and she jabbed her cigarette into the ashtray, beating the heat from it with each stab. "Why?"

A sigh of emotion passed through my lips, and a warm tear ran down my cheek. "I know what it's like to live without a Mom so I can't pull Edward away from his. I never had much of family but I'd like to try one on, if you think it'd fit," I shrugged.

We exchanged a smile and I let go of her hand to wipe my face of tears. "I think you'd fit, Bella," she sighed. The air around us had changed somehow and I wished we had more time. I didn't see Elizabeth as a patient. I barely saw her as Edward's mother. What I saw was a strong, loved woman who fought everyday just to be normal. There was a part of her that reminded me of myself, and that made me love her. "You do know what a pain in the ass Carlisle is, right?"

I laughed because, fuck, it was funny.

"He's so anal and ridiculously controlling," she grumbled with a smile. "He'd count my shits everyday if I let him." I laughed harder, barely able to keep myself upright on the chair. After a few moments, she started to laugh with me. When Edward came back he was nothing short of stunned.

"What's so funny?" he asked, grasping the tiny little keyboard in his hands. We both stopped laughing and blinked at him. "Sorry it took me so long but I had to sign some sort of release form to just take it out of the music room."

"Oh, it's okay," Lizzie grumbled as she raised herself out of her chair. "I have therapy, anyway."

Edward put a hand on his hip and his mouth dropped open. "I thought you wanted me to play?"

She walked over and kissed him on his cheek. "Maybe next time, sweetie."

"But…I signed this thing out and everything."

Elizabeth ignored him and turned to me. "Bella," she smiled, "it was nice meeting you. I'll see you around."

"Take care of yourself, Elizabeth."

Edward stared at me, as she walked away, as if it were my fault. "I'll probably have to promise them my first born since I'm returning this thing before the allotted half hour is up."

I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his torso, squeezing his body into a tight hug. He hugged me back with his free hand and kissed my hair. With my eyes closed, I breathed him in and forced away the knowledge that tomorrow was Thursday.

"What's that for?" he asked, his mouth still on my head. "And what exactly did you guys talk about, anyways?"

I smiled against his chest. "Girl talk."

**~~AMS~~**

No matter how hard he pressed, I wasn't willing to repeat the conversation I had with his Mom. I don't think she would have wanted that moment shared with him and if she did, she could tell him herself. She and I weren't exactly friends but we had more than one thing in common with each other-the most important was our love for Edward. I hoped that one day, it would turn into a friendship or even mutual respect but for now, I was pleased with how things had went.

After we left the hospital, Edward took me back to Grant Park and we watched the fountain in the daylight. It wasn't as magical as it was at night, with the lights and music set to the tune of the water, but it was peaceful. We sat on a bench, in silence, soaking up the last day we had together before I went back. There were words unspoken on both our parts, terrified of the emotions they would invoke. I wasn't ready to say goodbye, yet. It felt ridiculous; this intense draw I felt to this man whom I had only met two months ago but it was physically powerful. I could barely remember my Pre-Edward days of reading entire books on weekends and faking cramps to get out of social gatherings.

We arrived back home to dinner on the table at the Cullen house. Esme's special lasagna from a box was served with salad from a bag and bread from the bakery. She was my kind of cook.

"How did it go, Bella?" Esme asked as I piled my second helping of lasagna onto my plate.

I could feel my face flush as everyone stopped what they were doing to glance my way. "Uh…it went well, I think."

"She found a way to chase me off so she could get Bella alone for some 'girl talk'," Edward commented. "Sneaky woman."

Esme raised her eyebrows and Carlisle chuckled. "That sounds like her," he said under his breath.

"Did she give you the third degree?" Esme asked, smiling.

I shook my head and grunted.

"She won't tell me what they talked about." Edward's tone gave away a hint of annoyance. "It's all a big secret."

Esme laughed, looked at me and said, "We'll talk later."

Edward's mouth dropped and he looked between the two of us. "If you tell her, then you have to tell me."

"Edward, you sound like a teenager," Carlisle teased as he stabbed some lettuce with his fork. "I'm sure if it made Bella uncomfortable she would tell you."

Edward huffed and put his fork down on his plate with a clang. He crossed his arms over his chest and unknowingly pouted. I rolled my eyes at his display of childlike behavior and continued eating.

"What time do you have to leave tomorrow?" Esme asked.

I put my fork down, having lost my appetite at her question. "Probably around six in the morning."

Edward cleared his throat but remained silent beside me.

"You're invited back anytime," Carlisle said with a smile. "Maybe you can come around Halloween so you can show off your apron."

Even with the sadness floating through my mind, I couldn't help but laugh at the thought of my Halloween apron. It seemed so long ago that I'd made it, even if it had only been a few days. It was like a memory made long ago; foggy and without detail.

After we ate, I helped Esme clean up the kitchen while Edward and his Uncle retired to the living room to finish watching the Cubs game. Esme didn't ask me about my conversation with Elizabeth and I was relieved. Edward was right, no matter how childish it was-if I told Esme, then it was only right to tell him. I really didn't see what the big deal was unless he was afraid that she'd said something to upset me which she didn't. Even if she had, I wasn't sure I would have told him.

When the baseball game was over, Edward pulled me upstairs after saying goodbye to Carlisle and Esme since there was a chance I wouldn't get to see them the next morning before I left. Esme brought tears to my eyes with her warm hugs and the forcing of promises to take care of myself in Seattle. I asked her if she minded if I called her and she told me that she hoped that I would.

We got ready for bed in dismal silence except for a quick chat about who would use the restroom first and what time to set the alarm. When I laid down in bed next to him, both of us on our backs and breathing in synch, he finally spoke.

"I can't believe you're leaving tomorrow." His voice was gentle and quiet, and it made stubborn tears form in my eyes. "This is really going to suck."

A choking laugh came from deep in my throat and a tear spilled over my cheek. "I think that's an understatement."

He turned on his side and I followed suit. With his thumb he wiped tears off my face and then he kissed my forehead, then my nose then my lips. The feeling brought forth when his lips touched any part of my skin was indescribable. For the first time in weeks, I desperately explored the cobwebs of my mind for anyway I could take part of him home with me. Like a rabbit's foot that I could pull out of my pocket on difficult days to soothe the ache away. I needed a way to make him feel closer to me, even though he would be miles away.

"Thank you for everything," he whispered as one of his fingers traced a pattern on my arm. I shivered and closed my eyes, convinced that if I eliminated my vision that my tactile senses could store that touch somewhere within my skin.

I shook my head and opened my eyes. "I didn't do anything."

His smile was crooked and perfect. "You don't really believe that, do you?"

Using one shoulder I shrugged. "Let's not talk about this, please. I don't want to spend the evening talking about how amazing I am."

His grin grew. "I'll save that for the ride to the airport."

"That sounds good," I added. "I'll be too busy staring at you to really listen, anyway."

The finger that was tracing a pattern on my arm, left it's post and ventured over my waist and landed on my hip with a squeeze. "So, if you didn't want to talk about how amazing you are, what exactly did you want to do?"

I raised my eyebrows and grinned. "How about we talk about how amazing you are."

The look on his face grew into something devilish and his hand grazed over my ass. "How about I show you how amazing I am."

**~~AMS~~**

I was having the most amazing dream. In my dream, I was back in Seattle and I was at work with a classroom of kids. Then Edward showed up. He was glowing and happy and beautiful. His hand reached for mine, and without a word to my class, I let him lead me away. He pulled me out the door and through the parking lot (which didn't look at all like the school parking lot but somehow I knew that's what it was) until we reached a line of thick trees. The feel of his hand on mine sent a flood of emotions through me, and I groaned at the electricity that passed through me as he tugged me past the tree line and into a meadow.

The meadow was filled with spring flowers, blossoming and inviting us to smell them as we passed. Bees bounced from flower to flower and some deer grazed in the distance. They looked up and one of them smiled at us. I looked at Edward as he waved a hand in their direction, and they went back to grazing. Physically, as I slept I may have snorted but dream-Bella was in awe of this.

Without a word, we lay down in the meadow and he began to kiss me. His lips went from my mouth, to my neck and down my throat until he reached my breasts. Then I was naked, like someone snapped their fingers and vanished my clothing. Edward was still covered and I felt that I should have felt vulnerable, self-conscious of his stare but I didn't. All I felt was loved and, strangely, glorified as he looked down on me with tender eyes and the smallest of smiles. I felt protected, as if nothing could harm me when his eyes were watching me like that. He nibbled and sucked on my nipples as I dug my fingers into his back. I moaned as I watched him release my breasts with his mouth but replace it with his hands. His teeth dug into the flesh of my hip and I groaned.

Then suddenly he stopped and looked up at me. "Bella?"

I whimpered and tried to form words but my mouth wouldn't work correctly.

"Bella, sweetheart?"

My eyes popped open and the first thing I felt was warm breath on my shoulders. I turned my head to see Edward looking at me, with his chest pressed to my back.

"You were dreaming," he whispered, "and talking in your sleep."

I could feel my face heat up and I thanked the heavens that the moonlight did not make it bright enough for my blush to be detectable. "Oh, I was? Sorry."

His lips kissed my shoulder and I closed my eyes. "Don't be sorry, baby. It's driving me crazy."

He fully pressed his body into mine and I felt him, hard and ready, against my lower back. I squeezed my eyes tightly together and groaned out of embarrassment. "Oh, God, what was I saying?"

His chuckle was deep as it vibrated from his chest and into my back. "There was some moaning and I swear I heard my name in there somewhere."

"You probably did," I groaned.

I felt his smile grow against the skin of my shoulder and internally I moaned at the feeling of the appendage poking me in my back. "What were you dreaming about?" One of his hands went under my tank top and palmed my breast, and I moaned. "Were you dreaming about this?"

My back arched causing my rear to graze his cock, and he hissed into my shoulder. "Maybe," I moaned.

His hand left my breast, traveled over my stomach and under the hem of my panties. "What about this?" His fingers started playing with me, and I tried to turn over but he stopped me.

"Stay there," he whispered into my ear, his voice hoarse and deep.

There was some fumbling behind me for a few seconds, the delightful sound of foil being ripped, and then his hand came back to me. He pulled down my panties with one hand as I lifted my hips to help him slide them down my legs. Then he came back to me, his chest against my back and his breathe coming out, fast and hard. He lifted my leg, and bent at the knee, I rested my ankle on his thigh. His entrance was hard and rushed, and fucking spectacular.

"Oh God, Bella, you feel so good," he groaned behind me and I melted into him, as his thrusting became rushed and intense. His hand swept down my pelvis and he moved his fingers to that glorious sweet spot that never failed to send me flying home. This was more than a reaction to my dream. It was animalistic and he was speaking his need for me through his body; a carnal reaction to my flight back to Seattle. He was marking his territory, even if he wasn't aware of it.

I moved with him, grinding and arching the best that I could, given the position we were in. The realization that he was marking me was making my insides scream and my gut ache. There was no question, as my body trembled and flew over the edge, that I was his. I belonged to him: Body, heart and soul.

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**A/N: I promise E+B won't be apart for too long. Your reviews are truly inspiring. Seriously. I adore every single one of them :)**


	21. Chapter 21 Second Chances

**A/N: Thank you to every one who is reading my story. To those of you who review, I can't thank you enough. Your words of encouragement are inspiring and they make me all tingly inside. **

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer**

**Chapter Song: "Human" by Civil Twilight**

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When I was twelve, Alice's Mom wanted to take us to Seattle for the weekend. I'd never been, so I begged, pleaded and made empty promises to Charlie so he would allow me to go. After careful consideration, and many discussions with Alice's Mom, Mary, he gave the okay. Before I left, he reminded me to keep myself in check-not that I could forget-because if I didn't, there would be consequences. The thing that scared Charlie the most was the mystery to these consequences. Sure, my mind could have went crazy and ended up making the Space Needle topple into the Pacific Ocean but how would they know it was me. My gift being discovered was a constant fear in the mind of my Father. Then the whole town, his employer, would know what a freak he had for a daughter.

We left on a Saturday morning and arrived by noon, just in time for lunch. Food always seemed more exotic in unfamiliar places. Even the strawberry ice cream was creamier and had bigger chunks of strawberries than the Dairy Hut in Forks.

That evening we went and saw _Mary Poppins _at the Paramount Theatre. I was dazzled by the lights, music and actors that played their parts so perfectly. Watching the actress who played Mary Poppins soar into the air by her umbrella, the whole time belting into song, made my insides jump with excitement.

I marveled at the tiny shampoos and conditioners and lotions that the hotel provided us with. My mouth dropped open at the view from our twenty-fifth floor window. The excitement made me sleepless, like a child on Christmas Eve listening for the sound of reindeer hooves and the jingle of bells.

Seattle was magical to me. Not just because of the city lights and the sounds of street traffic that invaded the hotel room at three in the morning. It was the simple emotion of feeling normal, if only for a couple of days. For the first time in my life since I found out about my gift, I forgot that it was even a part of me. Charlie would have been disappointed, always telling me to stay on guard and remember who I was. For those two days, I put the anxiety in the back of my mind and just relished in the fact that I was young and full of untamed curiosity.

Edward did that for me. When I was with him, my gift was just a small part of me. I had finally found that normalcy that I had craved my entire life and I was on a plane heading in the opposite direction. I realized how lucky I was; having Edward. It made the constriction in my throat and hole in my chest seem ludicrous. Even most normal people never meet someone who makes them feel whole, like Edward did for me. Nothing should have been able to wipe the grin off my face as the pilot announced our descent onto the runway of Sea-Tac but instead, I pulled on my sunglasses and frowned. The whiny little pathetic girl was returning with a vengeance.

I closed my eyes and thought about the only thing I had been able to think about since boarding the plane. The way Edward hugged me, as if he thought the firmer his grip, the better shot he had at keeping me in Chicago. The way it felt when the scruff on his face swept painfully against the sensitive skin of my cheek. My tongue swept over my lips in a desperate attempt to taste him one last time. There was nothing. It had already vanished, probably somewhere over North Dakota. Desperately, I smelled my own shirt to see if there was a scent of him somewhere on me. There was. Just a little so I smiled. The middle-aged woman next to me gave me a funny look. I was torn between waving at her and flipping her off but I did neither, terrified it would hinder the scent of him on my shirt somehow.

When the plane stopped and shortly after, they announced our arrival, I didn't want to move. I wanted to stay on board, see where it would take me. Eventually, I'd end up back in Chicago, right? Screw my job. Screw my contract.

I sighed and rose from my seat because I just couldn't do it. That was the disadvantage of being a grown up. Responsibility sucked ass. Plus, Alice was waiting somewhere in that terminal and I missed her. I craved an Alice hug right now and I gave myself a small mental pep-talk as I smiled at the flight attendant on my way out the door. I wouldn't cry. I couldn't cry. Not yet, anyway. It would make Alice feel horrible and I loved that girl. First and foremost, I had to show her how much I missed her instead of showing my misery regarding my return home. I had to remind myself that there were still things that I loved in Seattle. Optimism wasn't my strongest attribute but there was nothing wrong with seeing this in a glass-half-full kind of fashion.

People pushed and shoved as I made my way through security, and I spotted the tiny form of Alice leaning against a wall. She was hovering over two cups of coffee she had set down on a nearby table. When she saw me she grinned, and I couldn't help the tiny whimper that forced itself from my throat as soon as she wrapped her arms around me. I hugged her, tight, afraid that if I let go, my eyes would venture to the 'Arrival-Departures' sign, searching for the next flight to Chicago.

"How goes it, Bella?" she asked in my ear, her voice slightly strained from the grip I had around her torso.

I pulled away, my sunglasses askew on my face. "It's good to see you, Al."

She fixed my glasses, and her hand touched my cheek. "I'm glad you're back."

I sighed and forced a smile. "Again, it's good to see you."

This made her laugh because she could see through my bullshit.

"Let's get you home," she told me.

Alice blessed me with a magnitude of conversation on the way home about New Moon, Jasper and the parents from hell.

"They cut both of them out of their Grandfather's inheritance."

My eyes widened. "What? Because of Emmett?" She nodded. "How could they do that? Didn't he leave it to them?"

"He left it to their Dad who, according to the will, they would get at his discretion." She didn't seem upset about this, in fact, she seemed relieved.

"How is Jasper handling it?"

She shrugged. "In Jasper's words, 'It blows but it's just money'."

"At least the bar is doing well so he doesn't exactly need it, right?" I asked.

Her eyes glanced sideways at me. "Don't tell him I told you this."

"Of course."

She sighed. "Jasper accrued a shit-load of debt for the construction of New Moon and he was counting on his inheritance to pay that back. He doesn't seem too stressed about it but I can tell it's wearing on him. If the bar has a bad couple of months, it could mean foreclosure for him."

My stomach plummeted to the floor. "Jumping Jizzlesticks."

She made a face. "That one is definitely not going to work."

I had been practicing my false swear words for the past week. During the summer, I had let my potty mouth get the best of me and since school was starting up again, it had to stop. I couldn't just shout out a loud, "Fuck!" if Tommy spilled red paint all over Susie's new dress. Cleaning up my mouth was just a part of being a teacher. Of course, most teachers would consider this a year-round task but not me. I was a seasonal curser.

"What's wrong with 'jizzlesticks'? Edward thought of that one." My chest ached a little at the thought of Edward but I shoved it down.

She quirked an eyebrow and looked at me sideways. "Jizzle? Jizz?" I blinked at her and she huffed. "Jizz is semen, Bella."

I gulped. "Yikes. That could have turned out badly."

"You really didn't know what jizz was?"

I shrugged. "I'm a good girl."

"Pffft! 'Good girl', my ass!" She threw her head back and barked out a laugh. "I bet you've touched more jizz in the past week to populate a classroom!"

My face flushed and I slapped her on the arm. "I'm never going to clean up my mouth if you keep talking about jizz and asses! Fuuu….darn it, Alice!"

"How about Sufferin' Succotash? That's always a classic non-curse," she added with a smile.

"I can't say that one without spitting."

She laughed and honked her horn at a biker. "What did your Dad say when you called him?"

My face fell. "I haven't yet."

"Bella," she huffed, "you haven't called him yet? Even, after he sent you that letter?"

"I'll do it tonight."

"You know what a worrier he is," she commented. "He's probably filed a missing person's report on you."

"Yeah, he's worried that I've been outed, and I'm being poked and prodded by men in white coats," I said, bitterly.

"You still should have called him."

I slapped my own hand and hissed, "Bad daughter. Baaad, baaad daughter."

After a minute she said, "He loves you, you know."

I sighed. "I know; in that strange Charlie kind-of-way, he does."

When we reached the apartment, I lugged my suitcase up the flight of stairs saying a word of praise for whoever thought of putting wheels on luggage. I dropped it inside the door and bristled at the familiar sight of the place I called home. Nothing had changed-Except me.

"Do you mind if I go to Jaspers? I'll be back tonight." I raised my eyebrows at her. "Okay, I might be back tonight."

"Alice, it's fine; I'm just going to unpack and I'll probably go to bed early. I'm exhausted."

I dragged my suitcase down the hall as she closed the door behind her with a quick goodbye. My room looked exactly how I left it and I wasn't sure why I was surprised at this. There were still separate piles of clothes on my floor from where I had packed my bags. My guitar lay in the corner on the floor. A thin layer of dust had settled on my dresser, surrounding the few pictures I had of my friends. If my joints were more flexible, I would have grabbed my own shoulders and shook myself for not getting a picture of Edward to bring back with me. He had snapped one of me on his cell phone at an inopportune time when I had just woken up. My hair was a mess, my eyes red and irritated, and I was pretty sure I was snarling but he looked at it with appreciation so I didn't complain too much.

I pulled my cell out of my pocket and found his number. Before I thought too hard about it, I called him and listened to the ring. I almost hoped to get his voicemail because I wasn't sure how I would react to hearing his voice when he was so far away-the hole in my chest expanded with each ring.

"Hello?" His voice was smooth; melted chocolate.

"Hey," I squeaked. "I'm home."

He sighed. "I was hoping you'd throw caution to the wind and show back up on my doorstep tonight."

"I'm glad you talk about me like I'm a little stray puppy." I grinned and sat down on my bed.

"I'd even give you a bone." I could practically see his eyebrows waggling.

"Har har-I walked right into that one."

"How's Seattle?"

"Gloomy and boring-not an Edward in sight. How's Chicago?" I asked, laying back on my bed and closing my eyes. The sound of his voice was like a lullaby.

"The same," he said, "except there is an Edward here but he's very pissy at the moment."

"Why's that?"

"I miss you." A lump formed in my throat and I knew I wouldn't be able to speak without sobbing. I needed a minute to breathe and compose myself because I wasn't going to be that girl who couldn't live without a man. I wouldn't be that girl who couldn't function without his presence. "There's only…74 more days before I get to see you again."

We had decided that Edward would fly out to Seattle on Halloween weekend. Then I would fly to Chicago for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I was giddy at the thought of waking up to Esme's Pop tarts on Christmas morning.

I took a deep breath as I angled my phone away from my mouth. "I miss you, too."

_Please don't ask me if I'm okay. Please don't ask me if I'm okay. Please don't…_

"Are you okay?"

_Well, shit._

I took another deep breath and waved my hand in front of my face to dry my tears. "Yeah, I'm okay." My voice made it pretty damn obvious that I wasn't okay.

He sighed and cleared his throat. "It'll be here before we know it, Baby."

After another long, deep breath and a little slap to my own cheek, I told him, "I know. I'm just really tired."

"Okay, well, I'll let you rest."

I wanted to scream "No! Don't hang up!" but I couldn't because I'd fall apart if I spent more time on the phone with him. "All right; I'll call you tomorrow."

"I'll look forward to it," he said, gently.

"Me too," I breathed.

"Have a good night," he whispered, "and Bella?"

"Yes?" My voice was wretchedly weak.

"I love you."

I squeaked out an "I love you, too" before disconnecting and sobbing into my hands. How could one person make my life so fucking wonderful and so fucking hard all at the same time? _How do people do this?_

I sat up on the bed and let out some colorful swear words as I wiped my face. After, a few minutes of failing to think of substitutes for those words, I picked my phone back up. With one more call to make, I blew out a sigh and dialed the number.

"Yellow?" It always drove me crazy, the way he answered his phone with a color.

"Hey, Charlie, it's Bella."

There were a few moments of silence before he spoke, "Bella? Where the…I mean, what…what have you been up to. I've tried to call you but it said that your phone was out of service."

"Uh…yeah, I got a new phone a few months ago and I forgot to…erm…call you with the number. I went to Miami for the summer to visit some friends." I was very conflicted when it came to Charlie. Part of me felt horribly guilty for not letting him know where I was and part of me didn't think he deserved to know.

"Oh…all right."

Then he just kind of sat there as I waited for him to spit it out. I thought about clueing him in on receiving his letter but I wanted to see how long he'd just hang there before either of us spoke. Surprisingly, it was only about twenty seconds but it felt like hours.

"I assume you got my letter," he mumbled. "I didn't know how else to reach you so I hope it didn't alarm you when you opened it."

Then, I felt really freaking guilty. I should have been alarmed. I should have called him as soon as I knew he had sent it. If he was sick or something terrible had happened, I'd never be able to forgive myself. I was a horrible daughter. My guilt faded just slightly when I reasoned with myself that if Alice hadn't come home early, I'd just be getting the letter today anyhow. It may have been tomorrow, even, if we were too tired to pick up the mail from the post office. So, technically I was calling him sooner than expected-unless I had called him the first place to give him my new number and let him know I was going to Miami. _Bad, baaad daughter._

"Oh, well, that's why I'm calling," I said, trying to hide my lack of alarm. "What's up?"

He sighed. Sighing wasn't Charlie's thing. Charlie's thing tended to be certain looks he would give you to let him know his opinion on certain matters. Sighing was too dramatic for him and it revealed a hint of emotion. "Well, I'd really like to get together with you sometime next week."

I literally shook my head a little out of shock. _What? _"What?"

"There's something I need to tell you."

Oh my God. I knew it. He was dying or shot in the line of duty or maybe he's gone bankrupt. "What's going on," I asked.

"Can we meet in Seattle, maybe?" His tone was hesitant and his voice gruff.

"Just tell me what's going on, Charlie."

"I'd rather-"

"Are you sick?" I asked, holding my breath for his reply.

"What? No, nothing like that but I don't really…"

"Did you get shot?"

He actually chuckled at this and I bit my tongue to keep from calling him something along the lines of a "goody two shoes", but the more colorful version.

"No, I didn't get shot but it's something important."

"Just tell me, please."

"Bella, I'd rather-"

I busted out the big guns. "Dad, please, just tell me."

Our usual awkward silence ensued until he broke in with another sigh. This had to be important; two sighs and more words than we'd spoken to each other in years.

"About a month ago, I got a letter in the mail that-" He stopped to do some coughing to stall his response. "It's from your Mom."

**~~AMS~~**

It was Monday and it was going to be a huge day for me. There was the meeting with my Superintendent and then there was the other meeting with Charlie regarding the letter. After some back and forth with Alice and my own brain, I decided to not tell Edward about the Charlie meeting or the supposed letter from Renee. It could result in nothing. I hadn't even read it, yet so I wasn't sure I wanted to worry him about it. Edward wasn't the worrier type but I knew anything involving my vanishing Mother would concern him.

Alice told me I was an idiot and that I should tell Edward everything, regardless of its outcome. Part of me knew she was right…actually, most of me knew she was right but I only got to speak to him an hour a day and I didn't want to talk about shit like that. Excuses, excuses, right? Alice also told me that I should hear them out about the contract. If they offered me a crazy amount of money for the next year, I should accept it because even if it is for another year, maybe Edward can move out here just for that time. She had a strong point but the hole in my chest was unbearably stronger. Edward told me to follow my heart but think with my head. I told him that was shitty advice and his way of getting out of feeling responsible for whatever I decided to do. Then, he scolded me for using the word "shitty" and we thought of a sub word: Poopy. I tried it on for size and called his advice "poopy". It didn't make me feel as good-I even cringed a little after I said it-but the kids would love it.

I sat down for my meeting and listened to the Superintendent, Bill Haumschild, tell me how much they appreciate me. He said that they love my passion for the job and caring attitude I had toward the kids. His voice was monotone and I wondered if he even remembered me from the year before. There was a crumb from his morning breakfast stuck in his graying moustache and I couldn't seem to take my eyes off of it as he spoke.

"So, Miss Swan, we are offering you an increase and a contract extension." He smirked and cocked an eyebrow as if he, himself, had come up with these figures. "We want to extend your contract for three years with a, get this, a fifteen percent increase."

I couldn't have kept a straight face if I had smeared superglue all over it. Fifteen percent increase? What? But three years! Three years of either a long distance relationship or Edward living in Seattle. I wouldn't take him from Elizabeth, which I had already promised. I would have summers and holidays but for three years? I chewed on my lip as he laid the contract in front of me, offering me plenty of time to read it.

"How long do I have to decide?" I asked.

His brows pulled together. "Why? Are you thinking of leaving us?"

"No, not at all but three years is a long time so I want to read through this first."

"You have until January 1st of next year to sign or we post your position and start looking for a replacement." He grinned and the crumb from his moustache fell onto my contract. I tried to return the grin but it came out as a grimace, as I picked up the contract and shook his hand.

An hour later, I was sucking down a blue raspberry big-slurp and waiting for my Dad on a bench in Lakeridge Park. I told him to meet me at the playground area so there would be background noise during our uncomfortable pauses. Plus, there wasn't much I could break in the park besides some tree branches and a busted statue.

There were plenty of families gathered here, as the summer came to a close and kids let out their last bursts of energy before going back to school. I watched a little boy get chased by his Dad as his mother laughed from the sidelines. For the first time, I wondered what it would be like to raise a child. I'd never given much thought to having kids, knowing my gift would interfere with their childhood and who knows if it was genetic. But now-post Edward-I pictured us out there, him chasing our little auburn-haired-green-eyed little boy around as I watched the exchange from a nearby bench. He would make beautiful babies, no doubt. With him around me, along with his calming magic, I think I'd be able to manage the havoc my gift would wreak.

My eyes wandered along the path of the park and I watched an old man hobble along, putting his weight into a cane. I wondered where his family was, if his wife had possibly passed on or if she was too feeble to walk down the path. The sympathy I felt for him hit me like a brick when I realized that it was Charlie, hobbling toward me.

I felt my mouth drop and my eyes widen as he finally made it to the bench where I was sitting. "What happened?"

His hair had turned gray and his features too old for his age. I suddenly realized that I hadn't seen him in two years-since my college graduation. "Oh, this?" he laughed, and lay his cane across his lap. "Fell off the roof adjusting the antennae."

It was on the tip of my tongue, to ask him why he never called me but I knew why. I hadn't given him my new phone number. Well, didn't I feel pretty poopy.

"Are…are you okay?"

He waved me off with his hand. "Oh, I'm fine. They put a plate in my hip and I'm doing some silly rehab stuff but I'll be good as new in a couple of months."

"You broke your hip?" I grimaced.

"Just a fracture but its fine," he said, digging in his coat pocket. "Here, this is the letter from your…from Renee."

I took it from him. "What's it say?"

"Read it," he said, pointing at it and refocusing his attention on the playground.

The letter felt funny in my hand. She had touched this letter and even licked the envelope. What did I expect to find written on that paper inside of it? An apology? An explanation? Did I even want to know?

Apparently, I did because I pulled the letter out and started to read.

_Charlie,_

_Please, hear me out even though I know I don't deserve this. I was at a bad place in my life when I walked out on you and Bella. I have no excuses besides my lack of patience and understanding when it came to her problem. There was no one I could go to for help, especially after the incident with Dr. Gomes in Seattle._

_I would like the chance to explain myself to you and Bella, in person. There will be no further contact on my end, but I'm including my phone number for future use on yours. I beg of you to not keep this from Bella because I'm sure she would like to know about my contact._

_Thank you,_

_Renee_

"Who's Dr. Gomes?" I asked as I folded the letter back up and stuffed it in the envelope.

He sighed; it was a record setting sigh-day for Charlie. "Dr. Gomes was a Child Psychologist that we took you to in Phoenix."

"You mean you and Renee?"

He cut his eyes to me. "Yes. I went down to Arizona when you were five and we went to see this guy. We told him about what was going on and he called us crazy. He threatened to call Child Protective Services on us if we came back.'

"I don't remember that."

The beat up fingers of my Father clutched onto the wooden cane in front of him as if he were ready to beat someone with it. "Good. I'm glad you don't."

"After all these years, why did she suddenly feel the need to contact us?" I asked.

Charlie shrugged. "I guess to let us know that she was still alive out there."

I snorted and choked on a sob at the same time. Charlie froze in place and avoided eye contact. "I always knew it."

He shifted his weight on the bench. "You knew that she was…" he cleared his throat, "alive?"

"Yeah, I knew she took off because of my problem." The last few words left my mouth slathered with venom. "That's no surprise."

His eyes finally found mine. "I'm sorry, Bella. She had no right."

A tear ran down my cheek and I swiped at it, angry that I let this affect me. "Was it really that bad?"

"What?"

I swallowed, afraid of his answer. "Having me as a daughter?"

Shock covered his face and his mouth opened a closed then opened again. "It was never…bad. I just felt…" he trailed off. The awkwardness of the conversation and the request of an emotional reaction was too much for him. His moustache twitched under the pressure.

"You felt what? Overwhelmed? Pissed off? Screwed over that you were given a freak for a daughter?" I knew this was uncharacteristic of me when speaking to Charlie but at this point, I couldn't hold back.

"No, I felt helpless. I wanted to help you but…but I didn't know how." He scratched at his chin, a nervous habit that went back to my childhood. "When you found Alice, I was so relieved because I was terrified that all you would have was me. I know I wasn't a good father to you, Bella, but watching you struggle when you should have been dealing with normal stuff like boys and homework was…" he trailed off again, rubbing at his chin ferociously.

"It was what, Dad?" It had nothing to do with big guns at this point. This was me, having a conversation with my father.

He sighed. "It was painful. You won't know what it's like, until you have a child, how painful it is to watch them struggle, especially with something you can't help them with."

Tears were freely flowing and I did nothing to stop them. It felt good to finally get it out after years of wondering what was going through his head all those years. To think that I thought I was a burden on him when in his mind, he was the burden on me.

My hands covered my face as I let it all out. Nearby, I could hear a child ask his parents what the deal was with the lady on the bench. I peeked through my fingers to see him being pulled away by protective hands. It was official. I was the crazy lady on the park bench who scared small children.

After a few minutes of blubbering and wiping and blowing, I asked him, "Did you call her yet?"

He grunted out a "no."

"Are you going to?"

After his chin got a healthy rub, he shrugged. "I think I may." I had not doubt that he harbored many bitter feelings toward Renee. She had left him. She had left me. She had some explaining to do. Come to think of it, I wanted to hear these explanations myself.

"Would you give her my e-mail address?"

He cut his eyes to me. "Sure."

We sat for a while longer until the thoughtful silence turned ceremoniously uncomfortable. "I should get going," he mumbled. "Thanks for…you know."

"Sure."

I wrote down my new phone number and my e-mail address when we reached his truck. He climbed in with a groan, slammed the door and manually rolled down the window of his beat up Chevy.

"I'm officially retiring next month and the guys are throwing me some big retirement party." He kept his eyes glued to his steering wheel and I wondered how he ever managed to date a real live woman. "I'd like for you to come if you could."

I shot him a small smile even though he wasn't looking. "Yeah, just let me know."

He turned his engine over and put his truck in gear. "If you contact your…Renee, just remember something."

"What's that?"

"It's not often you get a second chance at something so…" he trailed off, and I gave him some time to complete his thought. He made eye contact with me and his eyes squinted with humor. "Make her work for it."

My smile grew as he winked at me from the cab of his truck. "Call me if you need anything, Dad, and for what it's worth, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Miami."

He shrugged. "I just like to know that you're okay."

My heart sank a little as he drove away. For the first time in my life, I didn't want to see him go. I had called him "Dad" and it wasn't for manipulative reasons. Yeah, I was a poopy daughter but I had a second chance with him and I was going to embrace that. Maybe he hadn't been the greatest father but I had sucked myself in so far deep in my own problems that I couldn't see him for what he was. He was a husband, whom had been left by his wife. A father, who didn't have a clue how to raise a daughter, and a loyal man, who worked hard and never gave up.

As I climbed into my car, and watched the sun begin it's descent into the Pacific, I thought about what he had said about second chances. I wasn't sure if I had it in me to even consider giving Renee a second chance. All I was after was closure and if she could help me with that, then that chapter of my life would be closed. And another one opened…

I looked down at the contract that I had so eloquently thrown on the passenger seat of my car. Then I thought about Edward, hundreds of miles away and fighting his own battles. Edward with his beautifully cut jaw and perfect behind. My Edward, with his contagious laugh and kind heart; I wouldn't get a second chance with a man like him. There was no question that I would have to do this right.

Then I did something I'd never regret. I picked up my contract and ripped it in half.

* * *

**A/N: I couldn't make Charlie a bad guy as much as Bella tried to talk me into it. She saw what she saw growing up and hindsight is 50/50. Edward makes an appearance in the next chapter :) Anybody have any idea why he turns up? What do you think Renee will be like? Lovable or horrible? Review and let me know! Thank you!**


	22. Chapter 22 Dirty boys & Email anxiety

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who reads, especially those who take the time out to review. I love all your feedback and it encourages me like nothing else. I'm going back to once a week updates. Blame RL. She's a...well, you all know what RL can be like. **

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer invented these amazing characters and we're blessed that she lets us play with them. :-)**

**Chapter song: "Howl" by Florence and The Machine**

* * *

There was something special about the kind of anxiety that filled your body when you're dreading an e-mail. It's not a good kind of special. It's a rotten special; the kind of special that takes away sleep at night and takes over part of your brain. I had been overly obsessed with checking my e-mails, only to pull out my laptop and stare at it, frozen in place. At one point, I had convinced myself-a sort of defense mechanism-to forget my password. And my secret question. Who the hell remembers their favorite food, anyway? It took an e-mail, from my work account, to the Yahoo people to get it sorted out. Every time I scrounged up the guts to check it, I logged in, clicked on my 'inbox' and squeezed my eyes closed. Then a little bit at a time, I'd peek out and if I saw anything closely resembling the words "Renee", "Mother" or "Daughter", I'd freak and snap my notebook closed. On one occasion, I came close to passing out when-thanks to SPAM-I was invited to a Mother/Daughter sale courtesy of some Jewelry store.

Unable to hold it in any longer, I confided in Edward one night on the phone as I lay on my bed.

"I think you should talk to her," he told me. "You have questions that no one but her can answer."

"Honestly, I don't know if it's worth it," I sighed. "I mean, it would be nice to know some things but what if her answers make my life a lot worse."

He was silent for a few moments. "What do you mean?"

"Well, for instance, what if I ask her the reason why she abandoned me in the middle of the night when I was eight years old and she replies with 'Well, if you weren't such a little monster, I wouldn't have had to leave'." I quoted her in a high-pitched witchy voice.

"Then you would know what kind of person she is, Bella. You could get up, walk away and never spare her a second thought. If you don't talk to her, though, you'll always wonder if that would have been her response at all. This is your decision and I don't want to make you think that I'd be disappointed either way but I think you'll have more regrets if you don't." He took a deep breath and exhaled into the phone and I closed my eyes, trying to picture him.

"What are you wearing?"

He chuckled deeply into the phone. "Changing the subject?"

I shifted onto my back and grinned. "I'm not wearing much of anything, myself."

His sigh was heavy and he added a little growl toward the end. "You're a master of diversion, Miss Swan. Now, tell me a little more about this severe lack of clothing."

So, I did.

It had been almost three weeks since I had seen my Dad. Three weeks since I had asked him to pass along my e-mail address. I had called him to see if he'd talked to her and after an annoying game of phone-tag, he left a message on my voicemail telling me that he had, indeed, called her. He spared me the details and I wouldn't be calling back to ask for any. That's when I started to fear my laptop.

School had started which was a blessing because it gave my brain something to do besides tremble at the thought of powering up my Notebook and restraining my urge to touch myself every time I pictured Edward in my head. Edward and I had an unspoken rule to talk to each other at least once a day on the phone, and we sent texts several times a day. Usually, we talked at the end of the night when we were going to bed; that way we'd get to say goodnight. He had an interview with the law firm that he was interning at in the Research department and his nerves were frayed from waiting for the phone call from them. He was certain that they'd hire him, even if it wasn't his dream job but he said he needed something. There were some unspoken worries when it came to Elizabeth and I had a feeling it was financial. On occasion, he spoke about selling her house in a nearly broken voice. When I would ask him about it, he'd change the subject to questions about my day or my current outfit. He would use my very own diversion tactic against me. I didn't mind if it resulted in some heavy breathing and soaked panties.

I had always equated phone sex with dry humping. When Edward proved me wrong about dry humping, I came to terms with the fact that my mind needed to be opened on all sexual accounts. The first time Edward had made me orgasm via phone lines, I almost proposed. I didn't think it was possible but with one hand clutching my cell phone for dear life and the other stuffed down my pants and toying with myself, I came. Hard. My imagination had always been vivid but it was his husky voice telling me the things he was going to do to me the next time he saw me and the sound of his groans as he rode out his own orgasm that threw me over the edge. Due to the lack of oxygen to my brain, I couldn't remember what he said word-for-word but the words "pussy", "tight" and "fuck" mostly stood out. Edward was particularly brave when we were hundreds of miles away.

It was my birthday and there I was, sitting at my desk during lunchtime, thinking about the words that Distant Dirty Edward liked to say. It wasn't uncommon on my lunch to think about Distant Dirty Edward since the kids weren't in the room and it distracted me from my e-mail fear. The dream I had on my last night in Chicago was partly to blame. Every few minutes, I would catch something out of my peripheral and think Edward was standing at the door, waiting to take me to that meadow.

I sighed shakily and wiggled in my uncomfortably wet panties. This was so wrong-I was a teacher for God's sake. Any minute now, a seven year old could wander through the door and there I would be, their teacher and trusted mentor, cooking in my own sins. I grimaced at my own inappropriateness.

My clammy finger pulled open my laptop and if machines could laugh evilly, that's what it did. It was mocking me, doing a funny little whirring that screamed names at me like, "coward" and "chicken". I took a deep breath and clicked on icons until I reached my e-mail. With a deep breath and a groan, I opened my inbox. For a moment, I didn't see it-camouflaged in the deep sea of SPAM-but there it was: An e-mail from Renee Dwyer. The subject line read, "Please, hear me out". I snapped the top of my laptop down and I could feel my face turn pale. I barely remembered to take a breath as a jolt of nerves rushed through my body as if I had stuck my finger into a toaster.

Without another thought, I pulled it off my desk and stuffed it into its bag. I couldn't and wouldn't read that shit at work. Instead I did the most unexpected thing: I pulled out my phone and dialed his number like it was second nature.

It rang twice before he answered, "Yellow?"

"Ch-Dad?"

"Bella?" He was just as shocked as I was that I had called. "What happened?"

"Uh…I got an e-mail from Renee." I wasn't sure whether his silence was to let me finish my thought or lack of response. "I don't know what to do."

"Uh…well, what did she say?"

I shook my head. "I don't know. I haven't opened it up to read it yet."

The pause meant that he didn't have a clue as to what to tell me. "Well, it's your decision, Bella," he told me. "You can ignore it."

It was my turn to hesitate because Charlie's advice didn't really help. "Can you tell me what you talked about with her? When you called her?"

He cleared his throat. "We didn't talk long," he grumbled. "I listened to her spiel on what happened when she left you alone in that house in Phoenix. Then I gave her your e-mail address and that was that."

"What exactly was her excuse?" I bit my lip as I waited for his answer.

"If you want to know, I'll tell you but if you are thinking about meeting with her, you should hear it from her, yourself. You deserve an apology directly from her and if she's sincere about it, she should be on her knees, begging." His voice was gruff and I could hear the anger coming out in it. A feeling of pride swept through me because this protectiveness I witnessed from him was new. It was either something I had chosen to ignore my whole life or he kept it bottled up but I had never felt it from Charlie. It felt really fucking good and I felt like I was getting something back that I had never really lost.

"Did she apologize to you?"

He sighed, uncharacteristically. "She did but I can't ever forgive her."

"She really messed up when she left you, huh."

My Dad actually snorted. I didn't know that he knew how to sarcastically snort. "Marriages fall apart, Bella. Our relationship wasn't the strongest before you were born so it didn't take much convincing for her to pick up and leave."

My mouth dropped open and the horror movie strangling sound came out.

"Do you think it was your fault that she left?" he asked.

I shrugged even though he couldn't see me and he took my silence as confirmation.

"You were a year old, Bells. How could you possibly think it was your fault?"

My eyes filled with liquid and I tried to blink it away, unsuccessfully. Tears dripped down my cheeks and onto my lap.

"I always thought that…" I trailed off, knowing that my broken voice couldn't support my spoken words.

"Sure, she took you from me and left but that's in the past. That's not the action I was talking about that is unforgivable," he mumbled. I thanked God that we were talking about this over the phone because I knew there would be that part of the conversation where giving each other a hug would be a normal thing to do. Hugging was never a comfortable thing to do for Charlie and me. "What I can't forgive is how she left you, an eight year old child, alone in that house without calling a single soul. You could have been hurt or taken and she just disappeared and hoped for the best. There's no explanation good enough to make me forgive that."

My eyes closed and the tears fell like a dam in my brain had just burst. I was feeling something, in this moment, and it was so foreign to me that it terrified me and overjoyed me at the same time. There had always been love in my heart for Charlie because he was my Dad, but now that love had meaning and the intensity grew with each word that he spoke to me. I wondered if he felt the same or maybe, his feelings were always intense but he lacked the emotional sensibleness to express it.

"Unless there were aliens involved and then it would be another story," he said and I could picture his moustache twitching with the beginnings of a grin. "Aliens _might_ convince me to hear her out."

I laughed, thankful for the sudden change of emotion. My shaky fingers wiped at my eyes feverously as Charlie asked me what my plans were for my birthday. I told him that I was going out with Alice to Jasper's bar, and I told him he should join us. He laughed at my invitation, and told me that an old man like him would cramp my style. I hadn't told him about Edward yet but I knew I would. His retirement party was Sunday, so possibly I would bring up my long distance boyfriend, then.

"Well, I better go," I said, checking my watch. "The kids should be back any second."

"Trust your instincts when it comes to Renee," he said. "And…if you, you know, need anything, just call."

"Thanks, Dad. I'll see you on Sunday."

"Be careful tonight and take your pepper spray."

I didn't have the heart to tell him that my pepper spray expired about ten years ago and it had been long since pitched in the trash.

**~~AMS~~**

"You look awesome, Bella," Alice cooed. "Tonight, you're going to have the best birthday ever."

I raised my eyebrows at my reflection. My outfit consisted of dark jeans, a burgundy dressy t-shirt with a v-neck and some low-heeled boots. The silver necklace around my neck was a present from Alice and I fingered the heart shaped charm that hung loosely across my chest. I glanced at Alice who was wearing a short tight dress and fuck-me heels. "I don't feel like I look awesome."

She slapped me on my butt. "Well, you do. Are you ready to go?"

I sighed and bit the inside of my cheek. "Yep-let's do this."

My mood was all over the place; jumping from nervous to excited to confident then back to nervous. I gave myself a customary pep-talk as we drove in Alice's Volkswagen Bug to _New Moon_ where Jasper already was. He was working and Alice had told me that I was all hers, in case I was worried that she would ditch me to spend time with him all night.

The bar was packed and it gave me a sense of joy for Jasper and dread for me, since my past experience with bars wasn't good. I had sent a text to Edward earlier in the evening but he had yet to reply. In fact, I hadn't heard from him all day except for a "Happy Birthday" text that he had sent while I was getting ready for work that morning. It was starting to wear on me, and I worried that something was wrong on his end.

We weaved through the clutters of people, and we found an empty standing spot by the bar. Upbeat club music was thumping through my body and I suddenly felt too old for this. Our eyes found Jasper as he chatted animatedly with someone sitting at the bar. I smiled at Alice back and she smiled back, looking like The Cheshire Cat. "What? You don't see him?"

My face curled into confusion. "I see Jasper, you weirdo, he's right there." I nodded in Jasper's direction.

She rolled her eyes. "Look who he's talking to."

The gobs of people distorted my view of the person sitting at the bar until someone moved a few inches and I could make out the hands. They were clutching the bottle of beer and I recognized them before I even caught sight of his face.

I gasped and my eyes grew wide. "Alice!" Her smile grew and her eyes twinkled. "Did you know he was coming?"

She nodded. "I told you it was going to be the best birthday ever."

When my line of vision finally became clear, my heart skipped a beat as I watched Edward talking to Jasper. My eyes narrowed when I caught sight of the skinny blond sitting next to him, eyeing him like she wanted to eat him. Her tongue swept out over her bright red lips as she watched him talk and she even laughed a little as he apparently said something funny to Jasper. I felt my fingernails dig into my palms and I gritted my teeth together. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in through my nose.

"Damn, girl, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I breathed. "But that girl over there, sitting by him, has to go."

Alice eyed the girl with amusement. "I think it's time you hiked your leg up and marked your territory."

As I made my way over to him, I told myself that I had to keep myself in check. I couldn't let something like this get to me because I could end up ruining my own birthday plus Jasper's bar. He was already mine so there was no need to fight.

Jasper spotted me before Edward did and he winked at me as he walked away toward customers shouting out drink orders. The blond scooted a little closer to him, and opened her mouth to speak as I came up closer behind him. She cut her eyes to me, and for a split second I saw challenge in her eyes as she squeaked out a greeting in his direction. I couldn't really blame her. The man sitting beside her was gorgeous but I still wanted to gouge her eyeballs out with a plastic spoon.

"Hi," the girl squeaked.

Edward looked annoyed and grunted a "hi" back to her. He was already mine.

"Excuse me," I said to him. He twirled on the bar stool in my direction and his eyes lit up. "Do you think I could…squeeze in here beside you at the bar?"

Amusement flushed over his face and he scooted a little toward the blond. "Of course," he smiled. I ran my fingertips along his back as I wedged myself against him and my breasts rubbed over his shoulder. His eyes bore into mine and I wanted nothing more than to grab him and run.

The blond tried again. "This bar is great-have you come in here before?"

Edward barely looked at her and shook his head, and then he turned his attention back to me. "I'm Edward." He actually held his hand out for me to shake so I returned it. My heart jumped at the contact and I briefly closed my eyes as his magic washed over me.

"Bella," I replied, opening my eyes.

The blond was not completely stupid because she sensed our connection. She got off the stool in a huff and muttered, "Whatever" as she stalked off toward the dance floor.

"I can't believe that you're here." I didn't let go of his hand but instead threaded my fingers through his.

"Happy birthday, Baby," he said and leaned in, brushing his lips against my cheek. "You smell incredible."

I was glad because I hadn't worked too hard on my smell before leaving the apartment. Sure, I had showered and rolled deodorant in my armpits but nothing fancy.

Two drinks landed with a thud in front of us. We looked up and Jasper was standing there with a silly grin on his face. "All your drinks are on the house tonight, guys. If you need me, I'll be in the back of the bar handling some business."

My eyes snapped toward the end of the bar and I didn't see what I was looking for. "Alice?"

He pointed toward the far side of the building. "She's over in the corner with some of the regulars." I followed his finger and saw my petite friend, laughing with a couple of girls about our age. "Have fun, guys, and happy birthday, Bella."

I smiled at Jasper as he walked away, and my eyes found Edward's again. "This is the best birthday present I've ever gotten."

He bent toward me and kissed me, gently. I closed my eyes and basked in the feel of him pulling at my lower lip and nibbling with his teeth just enough to make me moan. When he backed away, his breath cleansed my face and I shivered. "You really didn't know I was coming?"

My eyes opened and I blinked to regain my focus. "I didn't have a clue. How long have you been planning this?"

He made a thoughtful face by pursing his lips to one side and he narrowed his eyes. "I think I talked to Jasper about it the day before you left Chicago." My mouth flew open and I sucked in some air. He grinned mischievously and his eyes sparkled. "What? There was no way in hell I'd let you celebrate your birthday without me."

One hand was still clutched tightly in his and with the other I was tracing a line from his elbow to his shoulder. Just then I noticed what he was wearing: A tight black t-shirt and dark blue jeans. His hair had been trimmed just enough to keep it off his forehead and he hadn't shaved a couple of days. My hand roamed north of his shoulder, made a pass on his neck and into the hair on the back of his head. I tugged a little and he closed his eyes, as his hand roamed down my back and onto my rear. He jerked me closer until I was between his legs and the scruff of his beard was skimming my neck.

"Oh God, I missed you," I groaned in his ear.

"Mmm…me, too." His lips brushed my neck and his tongue darted out to taste me. "Come with me."

He didn't give me time to argue as he tugged on our still clasped hands and jumped off the stool. We weaved through groups of people until we reached the back of the bar where there was a narrow hallway.

"Where are we going?"

"Jasper's office," he said, turning around to give me a smile.

We reached a door and my eyes widened. "Don't you think it would be locked?" I asked.

He turned the doorknob and his grin grew wider as the door squeaked open slightly. The yank of his hand pulled me into the office and before we stepped over the threshold, his lips crashed into mine. The door slammed behind us with help from his foot, and he pushed me up against the wall. Something that was hung on the wall, crashed to the floor but it wasn't important. The way his lips fought with mine, the way his hands pulled me off the floor, and the way my legs wrapped around his hips were the only significant details of that moment.

"Let me show you how much I missed you." His voice was a husky whisper in my ear and I shuddered against him. He hiked my legs up higher and I could feel his erection pressed firmly into my center, and even through two pairs of jeans, a wave of pleasure went through my body.

"Good Golly," I moaned. This teacher law of no cursing definitely had its bad points. This was a time when the "F" word would have certainly come in handy but it was off limits. With my arms wrapped around his neck, I tugged on his hair and laid sloppy urgent kisses along his jaw line.

He grinded into me once again, and we moaned simultaneously. "I can't wait to get you home," he whispered, "and tear those clothes off of you."

"Oh, God, Edward…" I moaned into his neck as the movement of his hips became needy and impulsive. The ache in my abdomen was spreading to every part of my body, and I jerked against him in an effort to encourage it.

"Ahem!" The fake clearing of a throat coming from behind us ceased the gyrating of his hips. Mine jolted involuntarily one last time and I felt my face burn with a blush.

I peeked around his sex-hair and winced at Jasper who was sitting at his desk, eyeing us with amusement. To make matters worse, another guy was sitting in the chair across from Jasper hiding his grin with his hand.

"Is it Jasper?" Edward had meant for it to be a whisper but his fast-paced breath and the huskiness of his voice made it seem boisterous.

"Yeah," I squeaked. "And some other dude."

His voice was quieter this time but I was still sure that they could hear him. "Do you think they've been there the whole time?"

I chewed on my lip as I thought about that question. Observation wasn't our first priority when we had busted through his office five minutes ago. I hadn't noticed them sitting there, obviously, but the door to the room hadn't opened either.

"Yes, they've definitely been there the whole time."

"Hmmm," he said, considering his next move. His hands released my ass and my feet fell gently to the floor.

"Say, Jasper, is there a rear exit to this bar of yours?" he called over his shoulder.

Jasper's grin grew impossibly bigger and his eyebrows rose to his hairline. "Is there a reason why you can't go out the front?"

Edward cleared his throat. "Uh…well…"

Comic relief had always been my specialty in stressful and uncomfortable situations like this. "His big penis that's threatening to bust through his jeans will scare your patrons."

Jasper threw his head back and laughed. The other man's face turned red and he avoided eye contact with me.

"Yes, there's an exit out the back," he told us. "Just go right and its straight back."

"Thanks, Jazz, I owe you," Edward said.

I stepped on his Lord of the Rings calendar that had fallen off the wall in our sexual haste. My foot was planted smack dab on Frodo's nose. "Sorry about your…" I trailed off, pointed toward it.

Jasper leaned back and waved me off. "I'm just glad I stopped you guys before I learned, first hand, just how much you guys missed each other."

We grimaced at each other before walking out the door and heading toward the exit that Jasper told us about. The night air was getting colder and I wrapped my arms around my torso, shivering as the door closed behind us. Edward wrapped his arm around my shoulders and guided me toward the parking lot.

"That was…smooth," he said. "Sorry about that."

I giggled and pinched his side. "The only thing I'm sorry about is the fact that our clothes are still on."

Edward sighed and kissed the top of my head. "Damn, I love you."

"I love you, too," I told him, smiling. "Did you get a rental?"

"Yeah, it's over here."

He pulled me toward a silver car that looked vaguely familiar.

"No way!" I screeched. "You got another Volvo?"

He grinned at me and shrugged. "The one in Florida kind of grew on me."

The entire ten minute ride, I couldn't take my eyes or my hands off of him. I couldn't get my mind wrapped around the fact that he was here and so was I. My cheek muscles were starting to ache from the grinning. I made an "Ohh" face to stretch them out but it didn't help. Next was an "Ahh" face and it helped until I caught Edward watching me from the corner of his eye, looking mildly worried.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," I waved him off with my hand, "Too many Cosmo's." I'd never had a Cosmo but it sounded like something I would drink: Disguised liquor and all fruity sitting pink in a big girly glass.

"I thought you had just gotten there when you saw me?"

I pretended not to hear him. "How's your Mom?" I knew it was a dirty trick-pulling out the Mom card- but the love of my life was looking at me like I had temporarily lost my mind.

He sighed. "She's okay; still resisting the group therapy but she'll come around. What about you?"

"Me? I love group therapy. Good for the soul."

He laughed. "Your Mom, Bella, have you heard from her?"

_Fiddlesticks. Now _he_ was playing dirty._

"I did, actually." Insert pregnant pause. "She e-mailed me."

Another pregnant pause-this time the pause was having twins. "And?"

I sighed. "I haven't read it."

I risked a glance at him and caught the tail-end of a shrug. "Do what feels right to you. There's no need to rush anything."

If it was possible to pull your cheek muscles, it would have happened to me in that instant. There were so many reasons why I loved that man and the absolute support I felt from him was number one in that moment.

We got back to my apartment, and as soon as I closed the door, I jumped on him like some sort of parasite. I pulled him down to my lips with my hand fisted into his shirt. He wrapped his strong arms around me and pulled me flush against him. Our bodies melted toward each other, almost forming one strong being that ached with sexuality and desperate resolve.

His lips released mine but he didn't let me go. "Where's your bedroom?"

"Down the hall; the first door on the right."

The growl that came from deep in his chest excited something wild within me and I had an urge to rip his clothes off with my teeth. I wanted to drag my fingernails against his skin and marvel in the red streaks they left behind. My desire to throw him on the bed, whip out his cock and plant myself on it with a violent motion, flooded through me. I felt my heart pumping furiously in my chest as feral blood pumped through my veins. An unexpected growl erupted from my chest and Edward looked at me with surprise and need.

I yelped as he threw me over his shoulder with one easy motion and he strode down the hall. He bypassed my bedroom and instead, made a left turn into my bathroom. He dropped me gently and grinned roguishly at me.

"Are you a dirty boy?" I felt the blood rush to my face as soon as the words left my mouth. My eyes closed and I shook my head with embarrassment. "Sorry, that was lame."

When I opened my eyes, his shirt had disappeared and he was working on the buttons of his jeans. My gaze drifted over his chest, down his abdomen and focused on the muscles of his forearms as they flexed with each movement. My breath was coming quicker and my body reacted to the vision of his body in front of me. I squeezed my knees together and pushed out my chest like a slutty Scarlett O'Hara in need of a good porking. If he hadn't dropped his trousers and exposed his manhood, I would have thrown my hand dramatically over my forehead and exclaimed, "Great balls of fire!"

Instead, I allowed him to undress me-piece by piece-with demand and necessity. He moved like we were thrown into a fire and our only means of escape was to shed our clothing and fuck our brains out. I pictured him shirtless, and wearing Fire Fighter gear.

"Goodness gracious," I murmured.

He closed his eyes and chuckled. "Please stop with the sub-language, Bella, or I'll feel like I'm undressing someone's Grandma." He pulled me close to him and his erection poked me happily in my tummy. "What is it that you _really_ want to say?"

My eyebrows came together as I thought. "Holy fucking shit sounds about right."

"That's my Bella." He grinned and we climbed into the shower.

The water was only mildly warm but it didn't matter. Edward was kissing me and his hand was between my legs, moving erratically and with purpose. My fingers dug into his biceps as my knees grew weak, and my thigh muscles shook. I came around his fingers, hard and fast, and he whispered in my ear that he loved the way my body reacted to him. I had to admit that I was partial to my body's reaction to him, also but I kept that thought neatly tucked in my brain. Speaking and sexually induced nudity didn't seem to be my strong suit this evening.

He removed his fingers and immediately pulled my knee up toward his hip. His other hand supported my weight by circling around my waist and pulling me toward him. I reached down between us and moved his arousal along mine, coating the tip of him in my post-orgasmic juices.

His forehead dropped to my shoulder and he let out an irritated sounding, "Shit!"

My eyes flew open and I flinched a little. "What? What's wrong?"

"I don't suppose you have any…" he lifted his head and looked into my eyes, "protection, do you?"

"Oh, we're good," I squeaked. "My first week back in Seattle I got the Depo shot."

A noise came from him that aroused me and worried me at the same time as his forehead went back to my shoulder. "If we weren't naked in shower, I'd marry you right now."

I opened my mouth to reply but his lips found mine and he kissed me, ferociously. His hand tugged my leg up further onto his hip, and I lined him up at my entrance. My body shook with the anticipation of feeling him, unsheathed, inside me.

"Bella, I don't know if I can be…"

My hips pushed into his and he was halfway inside me, due to no movement on his part. He hissed and threw his head back, bliss written all over his face. "Fuck," he said to my ceiling as I gripped onto his shoulder and moved my hips with force, enveloping him further.

"Hold on tight," he said as his eyes grew dark. I wrapped both arms around his neck and he lifted me completely, backing me up against the cold tile wall. His eyes gazed into mine, and I wanted badly to close mine but I couldn't. He pounded into me, gripping and grabbing onto my ass as my back slid up and down the tile.

I moaned loudly. The feel of him filling me with every aggressive thrust was inexplicably unworldly. It was like a religious experience, almost bringing me to the brink of tears as his muscles flexed and relaxed with each remarkable movement.

"Come with me, Baby," he whispered into my ear.

Apparently, that was all I needed for the ache in my loins to explode around him as the force of his thrusts became more powerful and erratic. He grunted as he spilled into me. The muscles of his arms shook, and they struggled to keep me mounted on him as he finished his orgasm.

He met my eyes and grinned, looking exhausted and content. My feet hit the bathtub, and he held onto me until he was sure my legs were no longer jelly then he dipped his head under the stream of warm water.

"To answer your question," he started, but paused to let the water wash over his face. I furrowed my brows at him as he ran his hands through his wet hair. "I'm a _very_ dirty boy."

**~~AMS~~**

I smiled when I opened my eyes to the view of Edward staring right back at me. We had gone to bed shortly after our "shower" thanks to his jet lag and my lack of endurance. In other words: His penis had worn me out. The sex in the shower had blown my mind: The way he looked at me, the way he grabbed me, the uncontrollable noises that he made filled my mind and I wiggled beside him in bed. We were lying on our sides, facing each other and I was trying my best to keep my mouth closed so I wouldn't expose him to my morning breath.

"So, what's the plan?" he asked. He had already gotten up and brushed his teeth-I could smell the spearmint on his breath. _Not fair!_

I took a deep breath and smiled on the exhale. "This. I want to do this until…how long do I have you?"

"My plane leaves on Wednesday." I stuck my bottom lip out and pouted. "But you can do anything you want with me until then."

I felt my face lit up involuntarily. "Anything? Really?" He nodded and I put my finger to my chin in a mock let-me-think-about-this gesture. "I really need my ceiling fans dusted and my cabinets are totally unorganized…ooh! And you can make me breakfast."

He smiled as he tucked some of my hair behind my ear. "Esme showed me her secret to Pop tarts, I must admit."

I laughed at him. "That's perfect for my post-birthday breakfast."

The movement of his jolt out of bed startled me and I nearly fell out, onto my rear. "I forgot your birthday present!" He threw on the previous evening's clothes as I watched him dress with delight. "It's in the car; I'll be right back."

Then he was gone and I used this time to hop out of bed and make myself presentable. I brushed my teeth and combed out the nest of hair that had formed on the top of my head. It wasn't the first time that I wondered how hair managed to do that when you are assumingly still and fast asleep. How did it twist and turn, and end up bundled on top my head every morning. I felt a conspiracy theory coming on but I didn't have time to think on it. Edward was pushing a rectangular small box at me decorated with a thin blue bow.

"I forgot to get a card," he said making a face.

I smiled at him and the box. "I'm not a big card person."

"Happy birthday!" He shoved the box at me, a mixture of excitement and embarrassment written all over his face.

There are two types of gift receivers. Some people prefer to savor the moment, take their time with the pretty wrappings and say "Thank you" several times before even seeing what is being given. Then there are those of us who turn into children. Paper gets shredded, boxes get mangled and growling is common during the gift-opening ritual. I was the latter. I could cross-stitch, make pottery and play BINGO with the best of the retirees at the Senior Center but you put something wrapped up in front of me and immaturity would seep from my pores.

The shredded silver gift wrap fell to the floor and he laughed at my wild-like stare. When I tore open the box lid, it split in two and joined the paper. I bit my lip at the gift in the box.

"The first part is…it was Esme's idea since I told her that you didn't have one," he mumbled, not looking at my face. "I don't want you to think that…I didn't…if you think it's stupid, I agree."

I held up the wooden framed picture and nearly burst into tears. It was a picture of Edward, probably taken a couple of years ago. He was sitting in front of Buckingham Fountain and he was in the middle of laughing at something presumably very funny. Immediately, I held it to my chest and smiled at him. "I love it."

His face was slightly pink and he still struggled to maintain eye contact with me. His fingers made a passage through his messy rust-colored hair and he managed a smirk. "The next one was all me."

Without releasing the framed photo from the death grip I had on it, I pulled out a small black velvet jewelry box.

"I know you're not a big fan of jewelry but I saw this and I thought of you." His attention was glued to my face and I felt the pressure to perform the proper facial expression as I snapped it open. Luckily, I didn't even have to try.

"Edward! It's beautiful!" I said, pulling the light purple crystal bracelet from the box. Unfortunately, the box earned a hardy drop to the floor in my excitement. I wrapped the bracelet around my wrist and clasped it together, and then gazed at it as I turned my wrist in every direction. It sparkled when the light hit it at a certain angle, and I felt myself start to choke on emotion.

"Do you really like it?" he asked and I nodded. "I thought about getting you books or maybe some sort of journal but it didn't seem personal enough. With this, it will be on your wrist everyday and you can look at it and think of me. Hopefully, you'll think of me." I blinked at him, startled by his sudden bout of blabbermouth. "I mean, you don't have to wear it everyday. I'm sure there are other bracelets that you have that you would like to wear but hopefully…"

I cut him off by grabbing his face and pulling him in for a kiss. He was frozen for a moment until he felt my teeth pull on his bottom lip and then he was toast. His body fell over mine on the bed, his elbows keeping his full weight off of me. My legs parted willingly for his knee and he groaned as I pulled his shirt up on his back so I could playfully scratch my fingernails down his spine. Now this is how every girl should spend their birthday weekend. I didn't want to move. We could do this all freaking….

"Crapola!" I yelled after I broke our kiss with a loud smack.

His eyes widened as he looked down at me. "What?"

"My Dad's retirement party is tomorrow night! I told him that I would come," I whined.

Edward shrugged. "So, we'll go."

I frowned at him. "I'm not going to drag you to the most boring town on the face of the planet when I only have a few days with you."

"I want to go." I looked at him skeptically and he chuckled. "Bella, I would love to meet your Dad."

My eyebrows shot up. "Really?"

"Yeah, really."

I chewed on the inside of my cheek. "It's going to be really boring."

He kissed the tip of my nose. "You'll be there."

"They'll probably just talk about fishing all day."

Then I felt his lips on my forehead. "You'll be there."

"Sometimes, they get hammered and start up a really weird game of strip-twister."

The hesitation was clear but he moved on to both my cheeks. "As long as you don't play," he muttered.

I sighed. "Okay, I was fibbing about the strip-twister but-"

He stopped me by planting a firm and powerful kiss on my lips. "I don't care, as long as you are there."

* * *

**A/N: Is Alice a good friend or what? Next, we have Charlie's retirement party and we find out what's in that damn e-mail that Renee sent. Your reviews make me want to sing and do The Funky Chicken. Srsly. Ask my dogs.**


	23. Chapter 23 Throw pillows

**A/N: So sorry for the delay. I could come up with all kinds of excuses but I have a feeling no one gives a crap. I became addicted to a book series and my brain refused to let me write. Won't happen again. Thank you for all your reviews. I love them. :) **

**Thank you Softragoo for all the encouragement. I heart you. :)**

**Disclaimer: SM owns all characters.**

**Chapter song: "Better Man" by James Morrison**

* * *

"You open it," I pleaded.

He quirked an eyebrow. "You don't have to read it."

"But…but now is a perfect time otherwise I'll be worried about it all day." I chewed on my lip as I stared at the offensive machine in front of me on the table. "Are you sure you don't want to open it?"

Edward's sigh was long and dramatic. "If you really want me to, I will but…"

I cut him off, agitated. "Well, if you're going to put it like that."

He chuckled. "I didn't even say anything."

"Well," I told him, sneering at my laptop, "you were going to say that it really should be me opening it because this is life-changing and…" I hesitated, carefully choosing my next word, "…shit."

His hand squeezed my shoulder. "If this wasn't important to you, that last word would have been 'stuff' or, dare I say, 'crap'. Obviously, you feel strongly about this e-mail so you should be the first one to read it."

You have to love a man that will say the word "crap" in a serious conversation for your benefit. I smiled at him and let out a defeated sigh.

"Okay," I said, opening up my laptop and pushing the power button, "let's do this."

The weight of Edward's hand on my shoulder and the feel of his thumb rubbing softly on the nape of my neck gave me the motivation to sign into my e-mail at lightening speed. Then there it was, "Renee Dwyer: Please, hear me out." I gave my lip a good chew before opening it up then I read it out loud:

_Dear Isabella,_

_I realize that you may not want to meet me but I have things I need to say to you. Please, give me this chance. Name the time and place and I will be there._

_Renee_

"That's it?" I asked. "I expected…I don't know what I expected but I figured it would be longer than three sentences."

"Do you think you'll meet her?"

I shook my head slightly. "I don't know."

"Well, you don't have to decide right now," he whispered close to my ear. His breath was clean and warm, like the tepid breeze from the ocean. "Take your time with this."

"Yeah," I breathed but it didn't sound convincing. This wouldn't be something I could take my time with because it would eat away at me until I figured out what I wanted to do. No, that wasn't right. I knew what I wanted to do. "I'm going to e-mail her back."

His eyebrows flew halfway up his forehead. "What are you going to say?"

"I'm going to do this. It's stupid to let this thing sit like this because if I don't do this, I'll always have that rotten feeling in the pit of my stomach: That stinking feeling of not knowing." I frowned as I said it, and not because I wasn't sure of what I was doing. My frown was for the stitch that this woman had just thrown in my life when I had just realized a sense of happiness. And stitches were meant to be either removed or dissolved which is exactly what I wanted to do to the Renee situation. I would hear her out and move on with my life.

"When? I'd like to be here for you."

I smiled at him and grabbed at his hand with mine just to make sure that the man in front of me was real. He was and my smile grew. "How about Halloween, when you come back." My smile faltered. "You are coming back in October, right? I mean, you don't have to since you came for my birthday. I could come up to Chicago-"

"Bella!" He cut me off and gave me a quick soft kiss on my lips. "I'll be here in October so if that's when you want to do it, then that's when we'll do it."

I took a deep breath and typed out my reply:

_October 30__th__, in Lakeridge Park at noon._

"You can't forget your leather chaps and revolver," Edward teased as he read the e-mail from behind me. "Actually, leather chaps…hmmm…"

The tips of my fingers pinched the side of his torso and he let out a girly yelp. "I only bust out my leather for special occasions."

"Oh, Christ," he murmured and his hand slid under the collar of my shirt and ghosted across one of my bra-covered breasts. I could feel my nipple pucker in reaction to him and I squeezed my thighs together. "You'd look really fucking hot in leather."

"Stop," I groaned, my tone sounded uncertain even to my own ears. "We have to get going."

He leaned into me, his growing arousal pressing slightly into my back. "There's never a set starting time for these kinds of parties. We could always be fashionably late."

I groaned and his hand made an effort to snake it's way in-between my bra and soft skin of my breast. It wasn't fair: The pull he had over me with just a brush of his skin on mine. "I have a really hard time lying to people, Edward, so when my Dad asks me why we're late…" I trailed off and his warm hand stopped it's ascension. "Just because he's retired, doesn't mean that he stopped carrying."

Reluctantly, he pulled his hand completely out of my shirt and he leaned away from me. "You play dirty."

I turned around and winked at him, whispering, "Only when I break out the leather."

The corner of his lip lifted and Edward snarled at me. I think he may have even growled as he broke all contact from me and narrowed his eyes. His hand moved down the front of his pants and he made a show of adjusting himself.

"Let's get going before I barricade you in here and you have no choice but to break out your leather."

Truth was that I had no leather. I might have had a leather purse thrown somewhere in the back of my closet but I had a feeling that just wouldn't cut it. Maybe I could put my new founded sewing skills to good use and turn the handbag into some sort of outfit. I winced when I remembered the reason I stopped using that purse. There had been an accident involving a Venti Carmel Frappuchino and a stop sign I saw at the last second.

"How do you feel about the smell of rotten stale coffee?" It was way too early to be concerned about modesty. When I was running on four hours of sleep and looking at spending the next four hours in a car, my brain was more concerned about other things. Like eating and wanting to go back to sleep. Maybe some nookie.

Edward made a face. "What?"

"You know, if you spill coffee in your car and then forget to clean it up? What does that smell do for you?"

He smirked but not in amused fashion. It was more a defensive smirk in case I've lost my mind. Next, he would avoid eye contact and back away slowly. "Not much," he said slowly.

I ran my tongue over my bottom lip and his eyes shifted to watch. "Hmph," I grunted. I'd have to find some sort of motorcycle store close to make good on my leather promise.

Edward cocked his head and blinked at me. "We can take the rental if that's what you're worried about." Great. He thought my car stunk and I was embarrassed about it. Now I had to drive to prove him wrong.

My hand flew out and waved him off and I walked by him. I grabbed a couple packets of Pop tarts, as he watched me curiously, then I wrapped my purse around my shoulder.

"You ready?" I asked. "Time's a wastin'."

He opened his mouth but nothing came out as he followed me out the door. We flopped down in my car, and I threw my CD collection at him. He shuffled through it and settled on Kenny Rogers.

"You're like a dream come true," I told him as I pulled out into traffic. "Kenny is the man. Not many people appreciate Kenny anymore."

"I'm not that big of a fan but I know you like him so…" he trailed off.

He got a few points for being honest but I took some away for his lack of Kenny-love.

"I love you, even with your flaws."

He stuffed a piece of Pop tart in my mouth and laughed. "I wish I could wake up to you every morning."

It was my turn to laugh. "I sense sarcasm."

He was quiet and I glanced at him, catching a serious expression. "You have no idea how not-sarcastic that is."

I took a slug from my thermos and misjudged its weight. Coffee flooded over the sides and down my chin causing a huge wet puddle on the front of my shirt.

"Crap!" I yelled.

Edward took napkins from my center console that had been stuffed in there thanks to many, many past outings at fast food restaurants and he wiped my chin. When he had cleaned me up the best he could, I groaned.

A chuckle came out of Edward. "You okay?"

"I'm a big freaking mess. Why would you want to wake up to me every day?" He opened his mouth but I wasn't finished. "I eat horrible foods, I'm clumsy, I have a bizarre talent that could very well hurt you if you pissed me off enough, and most importantly, I have absolutely no leather. Well, nothing I can wear. See, I have this purse-"

The shout of my name stopped my wordy self-deprecating rant. "Where did this come from?" he asked. "You know how I feel about you and you act like it's a surprise when I tell you that I want to be with you."

He was agitated and I couldn't blame him. No one should have to deal with this shit at 8am.

"I don't know; I guess I just get into these moods."

He shook his head and scratched at the stubble on his chin. "In a way, I hope I never meet Renee," he told me.

My shoulders slumped and I suddenly felt exhausted. I couldn't imagine going through that reunion alone, especially without Edward. He was my calm, my predictable peace. "You don't have to…if you don't want to but it would…never mind."

"You do realize why you feel so unworthy is because of her, right?" he asked.

In fact, I did realize that a portion of my self-esteem issues lay with Renee but part of it was the fact that I found myself completely unbearable at times.

"Part of it, yeah, but part of it is just…I'm a mess," I mumbled.

"Everyone is a mess, Bella, in one way or the other." I cut my eyes to him and lifted my brows. "Look at me! I'm unemployed, my Mom is in a Psychiatric Hospital and I live with my Aunt and Uncle." I opened my mouth to speak but he wasn't finished. "There were days when I would wake up so angry at the world that I begged for someone to take my parking spot or…or…or cut me off in traffic just so I would have a reason to throw a punch. But something keeps me grounded…keeps me from falling into that black hole and you know what that is?"

I stared ahead blankly and when I realized he was waiting for my answer, I shrugged.

"It's you," he croaked. "When I think about you, coming to Chicago next year and being a part of my life, it makes me want to be a better person. No matter what kind of day I'm having, no matter what bullshit gets thrown at me, if I picture you, in my life, I smile."

My eyes filled up with tears and I struggled to keep the car ahead of me in clear vision. "Thank you, Edward." I blinked rapidly and took a deep breath as I grabbed for his hand. I wanted to add to my gratitude how sweet he was and how nice that was of him to say but I wasn't sure I could get it out without sobbing. Sobbing and driving do not go hand in hand especially on four hours of sleep.

We were quiet for a while as we drove toward the Kingston Ferry Dock and he handed over a fifty dollar bill for our toll which included the fare for us and to transport the car. "You don't have to…" I said but he cut me off by cocking his head and looking slightly irritated. "For that look, you aren't getting any change back."

After we pulled onto the boat and parked, we sat in silence with our hands clasped. I almost suggested a short nap on the ferry but I had a feeling it would make me feel worse than if I stayed awake. I pulled down my visor and peeked in mirror. The grimace I gave myself was under exaggerated. I looked like hell: Bags under my bloodshot eyes, my hair was frizzy, and…was that a freaking zit. I rubbed my finger over the reddened bump that had settled on the tip of my nose. Yep. That was unmistakably a zit. Great.

"Do you want me to go up and get us some coffee?" His tone cracked, the exhaustion taking a toll on his voice box.

I shook my head. "That's okay. We can stop somewhere when we hit the other side of the Puget. I'm craving a gas station super size Cappuccino right now." The end of my nose was now driving me insane as I tried my best to keep from pushing on my new zit. I had to sit on my hand to keep from poking at it, absentmindedly trying to punish it for showing up on my face while my boyfriend was in town.

"Ooh…one of those thick syrupy ones flavored with artificial caramel?" he asked.

I cut my eyes to him, thinking he was making fun but the look on his face was nothing short of desperate so I smiled at him. "Yeah, that's the one."

"How long does it take to get across the Sound?" he asked as his leg started bouncing up and down. "I wish you hadn't mentioned that. Now I'm all shaky thinking about the gas station Cappuccino."

I barked out a deep laugh, momentarily reminding myself of my Grandma Marie who died from Emphysema. She had smoked so much that when she called in QVC orders, she was referred to as "sir" more than a dozen times. I always wondered why the person taking her order would think that a man would be ordering a dozen knee-highs and some Suzanne Somers granny panties (guaranteed to make you look two sizes smaller just by putting them on!) but I guessed there were all kinds of people in the world. I'm sure somewhere out there is a middle aged balding man checking himself out in the mirror decked out in tan stockings and slimming silk. Who was I to judge?

Crossing the Sound took a little over thirty minutes but by the time our wheels hit land, Edward was like a heroin addict who had quit cold turkey: Shifty, shaky and pale but so freaking hot. He'd be a gorgeous addict. We hit the first Shell we came across and he fast-walked inside like he was afraid the stuff would run out. He loaded us up on syrupy coffee, Ding-dongs and Fritos which was a combination I hadn't loaded into my stomach since college.

The next few hours of the drive, we fought over music, stuffed our faces with processed sugar and talked briefly about Edward's Mom. Turns out I was right about the financial end of it. Their insurance would only cover a certain amount of time at the hospital and then after that, they would pay out of pocket. Even if Edward got the job at the law firm, and he devoted every cent of his paycheck to her care, they still wouldn't have enough to keep her there. She was doing well and it could cause her health to back-pedal if they took her out too soon. So, the only option would be to put her house up on the market to help pay for the hospitalization.

"Can you do that without her signature?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Well, there is a way but it would be slimy and dirty. There's no way I would do that to her."

"Get lawyers involved?" I asked, making a face.

His laughter filled the car. "Yeah, get lawyers involved."

"What's so funny?"

"Just the fact that you knew what I was talking about and all I had to say were the words 'slimy' and 'dirty'." He took a long chug from his almost-cold Cappuccino and swallowed. "It seems like those days of interning were so long ago. It's almost…never mind."

"Almost what?"

He shook his head. "Nothing…it's a stupid thing to say."

I grabbed up his hand and squeezed it but didn't say anything. It was what he would have done instead of pressing and grinding away at me until I broke. I wanted him to share but not out of annoyance.

The 101 was busy since it was a Saturday and people were out and about: Families traveling from household to household and high school kids enjoying their weekend of freedom from the shackles of education. We got behind an older looking station wagon which was going the exact speed limit. I was holding back curses until I saw a head swivel in the backseat, and two little eyes peered out at me. It was a little boy, probably 7 or 8 with a mess of hair on top of his head and a deviant smirk on his face. He gave us a little finger wave and before I could release Edward's hand to wave back, Edward held up two fingers, shooting the boy the peace sign.

I laughed. "He probably wonders why you're signaling the number two."

Surprisingly, the little boy shot two fingers right back at us then held up a gruesome looking action figure. Edward smiled and gave him thumbs up-some sort of manly bond growing between the two at the sight of it. The boy grinned and held up another one that closely resembled Bob, the Builder. Bob then was dramatically shot dead by the gruesome one with an imaginary laser beam that shot out a huge gun that had was molded into its plastic arms. Edward laughed as the action figure danced in morbid celebration over the fact that it's just murdered poor Bob.

Soon after, their vehicle slowed and turned on it's turn signal. Edward and the boy waved to each other as they turned right onto 113 toward Beaver Lake.

"Do you want kids?" he asked softly, looking out his window.

I shrugged even though he wouldn't see it. "I don't really know."

His eyes shifted to me but only for a moment. "You've never thought about it?"

"Not really but maybe that's because I'm around kids all day, you know? It would be like bringing your work home with you." I released his hand and grabbed a Ding-dong out of the plastic bag from the gas station. He grabbed it from me, unwrapped it and handed it back. "Thanks."

"I just figured you'd want a boat-load of kids," he commented.

"Why would you say that?"

He was quiet for a moment, his gaze fixed on the passing green of Washington. "You just seem like you'd be a really great Mom."

I laughed because I had the passing image of myself with a baby on my hip and a clueless, glazed-over look in my eyes. "I don't know anything about motherhood." He took a moment to look at me skeptically. "What? I don't!"

"So, you'd be okay with not having kids?"

My brows pulled together and I frowned. "I take it that you don't want kids."

"I don't," he told me, "but not because I don't like them. I don't want to take the chance of them inheriting the wrong genes."

"Your Mom is the only one in your family with Schizophrenia, right?" I asked.

"Yeah, but there's always a chance that it's in me, laying dormant, and I don't want to risk it. I could go to genetic counseling but that would just tell me what the probability is of it being heritable." He took my Ding-dong from me, took a bite and gave it back as if he needed it to get through the conversation. "I want…no, I need you to know that about me."

"So," I started, and then took a deep breath, "you've thought about knocking me up, have you?"

He filled the car with a mixture of laughter which led to the inevitable choking of waxy chocolate and sugary counterfeit cream. I pushed my water bottle at him and he gulped it down, along with the scandalous chocolate treat.

"You say the sweetest things," he cooed, grinning.

I smiled back at him. "Don't I, though?"

"You never answered my question," he said, suddenly looking anxious.

"About the not-having-kids thing?" He nodded, and finished off the rest of my water. "Do you have anything against cats?" The corners of his mouth twitched and he shook his head. "What about dogs?" He shook his head again and there was more twitching. I sucked in a deep breath through my nose and exhaled through pursed lips. "What about pet clothes? Would you have a problem if I dressed my pets up in cute little clothes and pushed them around in a stroller?"

The fighting of a smile was apparent on his face and I felt guilty for taking this subject so lightly with him but I couldn't help it. It was in my nature to diffuse tension with inane humor.

"Be serious, Bella."

"I am being serious," I told him. "I've never been one of those women who planned their wedding as soon as I grew boobs. The thought of being pregnant makes my anxiety go through the roof…think about the labor! Good God! I'd have a contraction and I'd blow something apart! I can't see myself having kids."

He took a few moments to respond. "Girls really do that?"

I looked at him, confused. "What?"

"Plan their weddings with boob growth?"

I shrugged. "That's what Cosmo says."

**~~AMS~~**

We pulled up in front of my small Cape Cod childhood home and I stared blankly up at it like I forgot why I was here. It had been so long since I stepped into that house where I had spent years breathing, controlling, and learning how to live amongst the normal. To be here caused an ache in my gut like someone had taken a knife to my intestines and I was slowly bleeding out. I had no good memories of this house; only mediocre ones that made the memory of the first part of my life not completely horrible. I had to wonder now if it wasn't my fault for not seeing things clearly. But I was young, immature and things are what they are and were what they were.

I wasn't here to rehash old memories but to change my shirt, which had a rather large coffee stain on the front. Otherwise, I wouldn't have stopped here and we would have went straight over to the banquet center where Charlie's retirement party had started five minutes ago.

"Can I go in with you?" Edward's voice was laced with excitement as he prematurely wrapped his fingers around the door handle.

I rolled my eyes. "There's really not much to see but if you want to."

His smile grew and he opened his door without a word.

We walked up to the door, and I shoved my key in the door hoping like hell that the locks hadn't been changed since the last time I had been here. Was it before I left for college? No, it was my first Christmas away from home which had been severely awkward for both of us. In the few months apart, that year, Charlie and I had grown accustomed to our independence and had easily forgotten what life was like living with each other. So, at my Christmas break, we were like oil in water mixed together in the same shot glass. We stayed as far away from the other as we could but there was no where to go. I wish I could have it all back so I could put my internal war aside and get to know him, just a little.

It smelled like roses and vanilla when I walked in and I froze, worried that I had entered the wrong damn house. Then I realized that my key worked, and the million year old coat rack that had been here since I was a baby still sat in the corner by the door. This was definitely it and the shock that it no longer smelled of greased fish and Old Spice was disconcerting.

That wasn't the only crazy discovering at the Swan household. Things were tidy. The floors were clean, there wasn't even a thin layer of dust on the wooden coffee table and there were…

"Good God! Are those throw pillows?" I asked, mostly to myself.

"I think so. Why? Is Charlie not a big throw pillow kind of person?"

I laughed humorlessly. "My Charlie doesn't even know what a throw pillow is let alone have two of them."

"Three," Edward mumbled.

Sure enough there was one laying on his twenty year old recliner that he inherited from Grandma Marie when she passed away.

"Holy Moley," I said, looking at Edward with wide eyes. "My Dad is living with a woman."

He looked like he wanted to smile at this but I could tell he was fighting it because he wasn't sure how I wanted him to react. Hell, I wasn't sure how I was supposed to react. What right did I have to even scrounge up some sort of reaction? I hadn't even seen my Dad in two years and I hadn't been to this house in years so my rights to react had long since diminished.

Finally, Edward let his smile free. "Your old man is getting laid!"

My face automatically contorted into disgust. "Eww! No he's not!"

He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me to his chest. "It's not that bad. You should be happy for him, you know?"

"Don't make me describe what I walked into in Chicago again."

The muscles in his arms tensed and his breathing slowed as he let out a groan. "No, please don't."

I grinned. My last morning in Chicago, I had walked into the sewing room, to retrieve my apron, and found Esme and Carlisle in a rather seductive embrace. Neither of them had shirts on and there was a united gasp from all three of us when I slid the door open and found them. One of his hands was grasping at Esme's naked chest while the other was…inconspicuously not in viewing range.

Sure, I could laugh about it but Edward said it stung his ears so bad that it felt like his brain was melting when I told him about it.

"I think I have a few shirts upstairs, unless his…whatever-she-is threw them out."

"I'll come with you," he said, following me toward the stairs.

My room was the same as it was the last time I slept here, apart from the sheets being clean and it had been freshly dusted. Perhaps he expected me to come back home at some point which made me happy and sad at the same time. My old antique computer sat on its desk, and my shelves of least favorite books sat straight against each other as if someone had arranged them with care. I pulled open my closet to see the three shirts that I had left here and it hadn't been an accident. After never thinking I'd wear them because they weren't my taste, I had left them here. They had been a gift from Alice back in high school so I couldn't find it in my heart to just give them to the Salvation Army so there they hung. I only hoped that they would fit me because the stain on my shirt screamed "sloppy moron".

I pulled all three out and tried them on. After passing on the first two which were too tight and had way too many ruffles, I settle on the third which was a low cut sleeveless shirt with a large bow settle between my breasts. After a long defeated sigh, I turned to Edward who was watching me with dark eyes and that delicious smirk.

"Well? How about this one?" I asked, holding my arms out and presenting myself in a stance to show off my shirt.

Edward grunted a little and walked toward me. "I love watching you change clothes," he growled. "It makes me feel like a twelve year old boy."

I felt a smile spread across my lips like the sense of a good pain medication taking away the aches of the body. His arm came around my waist and his mouth pressed into mine, fiercely and smoothly. His tongue penetrated my mouth, sliding and pushing against mine. The feel of my chest pressed alongside his and his long fingers in my hair had become something I pined for. The feeling of being safe, cradled in strong arms that were loyal and giving.

Reluctantly I pulled my lips from his and I rested my forehead on his shoulder until I could find my breath. "We really should get going."

He growled, the sound rumbled in chest, the vibration moved from his body to mine. "We're already late," he implored. "What's ten more minutes?"

I lifted my face and raised my eyebrows.

Realization crossed over his face and his eyebrow twitched upward. "Okay, what's thirty more minutes?"

His tongue swept over his bottom lip in a desperate act to force me to surrender. It worked. "What kind of retirement party starts at noon, anyway?" I asked.

"The kind where the cool people show up late," he answered.

Twenty minutes and an orgasm later, we were tucking ourselves back into our clothes and putting the bed back together again. Somehow the sheets had ended up curled over my computer chair and the pillow was…where the hell was the pillow?

"Where's the pillow?"

We searched frantically for the missing pillow, and I ended up finding it beyond the open door of the closet. I made a curious face at Edward.

"If I thought about how that got there, we'll end up with our clothes off again," he murmured, with a glint in his eyes.

I flushed and fanned myself because I knew exactly what he meant.

We piled into the car, and started our drive over to the Banquet Hall. Yes, that was the name of the place. Banquet Hall. That's Forks for ya.

After some tugging at my silly black shirt and some zit-poking, I grabbed my purse and we headed for the party. The air was chilly on my bare arms, but I was thankful for it. I was nervous and things sweat when I'm nervous.

"You ready?" I asked.

He opened the door for me and grinned beautifully. "As I'll ever be."

The place was packed with people, which was a blessing because it would make it easier to blend in with the background. Certain people could be easily avoided and Charlie probably wouldn't notice if we decided to take off earlier than everyone else. There were black balloons tied to all the chairs and black streamers coming from every crevice imaginable. Well wishes were scrolled across banners and there was even a huge sheet cake lying across one of the tables.

Most of the attendees were somehow connected to the Forks Police Department: Families, retirees, and current officers. It would have been a great day to rob the Savings & Loan in the middle of town since all the law enforcement was grouped together, stuffed to the gills.

I searched the room with my eyes and found Charlie, sitting in a brand new recliner with a huge red bow wrapped around it. He was grinning from ear to ear as a crowd of men cowered over him as if he were some sort of king. That day he was royalty, as the people of Forks thanked him for twenty-some years of selfless service.

"Bella!" I whipped around toward the sound of the voice calling my name.

"Mary!" I hugged the tiny middle-aged lady who had come rushing at me from the direction of the bar. "How are you?"

"Oh, you know, about the same." She smiled at me then glanced at Edward.

"This is Edward," I said proudly. "Edward, this is Mary Brandon. My adoptive Mom and Alice's real one." Mary looked nothing like Alice expect for the shape of her body. Her nose was crooked, her eyes were brown and her brown hair was full and big. She had a way with people that I always envied. No matter where she was, she could strike up a conversation with a perfect stranger in the most comfortable delightful way. I admired her for not falling apart after Alice's Dad went on a business trip and never returned.

Her eyes lit up as she shook Edward's hand. "This is Edward?" she stage whispered and I nodded. "Nice, Bella, Nice."

Edward blushed and I wrapped my arm around his waist.

"You have a lovely daughter, Ms. Brandon; she's a great friend for Bella."

"Please call me Mary and thank you for the compliment." A round of applause and some triumphant shouting came from the bar area. "Damn, what are those idiots up to now?" She craned her neck to try and get a view of the scene. "If they mess this place up, we don't get our deposit back."

"You better go check it out," I told her. "If you don't, they're bound to start doing body shots out of their beer bellies."

Her expression was a mixture of petrified and disgusted. "Don't leave without talking to me, Bells. I have something I need to talk to you about. Gordon! Get the…Gordon!"

She ran off toward a large man who had decided to start dancing and it was turning into a strip tease. The most unfortunate part of the dance was the fact that he was standing on top the bar.

"I see why they do this at noon," Edward whispered. "I can't imagine what this bunch is like at 8pm."

I laughed and shook my head. "You ready to meet Charlie?"

"Absolutely." He grinned and then kissed me softly on my forehead.

After some diversion and weaving, we made to the big blue recliner where Charlie had been planted. His cane was sitting across his lap and his feet were propped up. The crowd of guys that had been crowded around him had dispersed, leaving him talking to a guy I recognized from the department. I couldn't recall his name but he had his uniform on, and he laughed at something Charlie said as we approached him.

"Hey, Bella!" He pushed with his feet and started to get up out of the chair.

"Oh, don't get up, Dad!" I leaned down and gave him an awkward hug complete with a couple shoulder pats. "You look good."

"So do…" He eyed my shirt, his gaze widening at the big bow on my chest, "…you."

"Dad, this is Edward." I waved my hand in front of Edward like I was Vanna White and this was what Charlie had just won. "Edward, this is my Dad, Charlie."

They shook hands and Charlie looked between the two of us. I grabbed Edward's hand so he could stop asking himself what exactly Edward meant to me since I hadn't introduced him as my boyfriend. He needed to know that.

"You live in Seattle, Edward?" Charlie asked.

"No, I live in Chicago but I went to UW with Bella. That's how we met, actually." Edward grinned at me and squeezed my hand.

Charlie smiled at us but his eyes flashed with sadness. I wondered if he knew then that I wouldn't be in Washington much longer.

"Some crowd," I mumbled.

He laughed. "Yeah, Mary got this together for me even though I told her I didn't want anything big."

"Mary? As in Alice's Mom?" I asked.

He shifted in the chair and his face was unreadable. "Yeah, you know Mary. She loves doing this kind of thing."

It was true. Mary loved planning parties and picnics and outings but she barely knew Charlie back when I was living here. They only conversed when discussing Alice and me, and our many sleepovers. Edward squeezed my hand and he looked at me funny.

"So, you got a new chair," I said, poking the big padded armrest with a finger. "It's nice."

He ran a hand up the same armrest I had just poked. "Yeah, it's got some fancy built in massager. I'm not sure if I can handle that kind of excitement but who knows; maybe I'll give it a shot."

Edward abruptly released my hand and pulled his cell phone out of his pocket. It was vibrating as he looked at the lit up face. "I'm sorry," he said to both of us. "I have to take this."

I gave him a reassuring smile and he walked toward the back of the restaurant with his phone to his ear. When I looked back at Charlie, he was watching me with slightly narrowed eyes, his lips pressed tightly together underneath his graying moustache.

"You want to take a little walk?" I asked him.

His moustache gave a one sided twitch and he pushed the leg rest of the chair down, clicking it in place with his heels. He stood, bearing some weight on his cane and waved his hand in front of him. "Lead the way."

We went out the rear exit, into what I assumed was the employee parking lot. The door slammed behind us, and I got the horrible feeling we were locked out but it was nice to get away from all the noise. I ran my hands up and down my upper arms to keep the goose bumps away.

"Cold? We can go back inside," he said.

"No, I'm good," I told him. My voice froze as I thought about all the things I needed to say to him. Renee, Edward, Chicago, the throw pillows-it was all on my mind but nothing wanted to come out.

"You hear from Renee?" he asked. I loved that he didn't call her "Mom" to me because she wasn't.

I nodded. "Yeah, I opened her e-mail last night. She wants to meet me, talk to me." He was quiet, letting me finish my thought. "I'm going to do it."

His cane landed on a twig and the pressure snapped it in two. "I think that you should. It will help you heal."

"You think?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I do."

I sighed. "That's what Edward says but I don't feel like I need to be healed. I feel like it's all in the past, over and done with. There's nothing that I need to hear from her to make my life feel complete."

"Then why are you doing it?"

My shrug was weak but full of meaning because I really had no idea what I expected out of this. "For closure, I guess."

"Renee was a good person when we got married and, who knows, she might be a good person now. Her downfall was how impulsive she was. She got something in her head to do it, and she would do it no matter what the consequences, no matter who she hurt in the process."

"Some might call that determined," I told him.

"Determination is striving for something against all odds, fighting for happiness. Renee got an idea and she would act on it, plain and simple. She was always a selfish person, even before you were born. In fact, it was the reason she didn't want to have kids-she said so, herself." He grunted and paused, mid-step.

"You okay? Do you want to sit down?" I pointed to a nearby bench.

"Yeah, I think I should."

I reached my hand out to help him but stopped short, thinking that even though he was retiring and growing older, he still had his pride. I was shocked to feel so overwhelmed with sadness at the sight of him hobbling beside me, his destination of a few feet away, became a struggle. He plopped down on the bench and I eased down beside him.

"So, this Edward guy-I take it you've been seeing him for a while since you met in college." He laid his cane across his lap and clutched onto it for dear life. We were discussing my love life so I couldn't blame him.

"No, we didn't know each other back then. I just started dating him over the summer in Miami."

Relief flashed over his face. "I thought that you…never mind."

"What?"

He sighed and rolled his eyes. "I thought that you had been seeing him for years and you had never told me about him."

My heart broke at the confession and a lump formed in my throat. What hurt the most was that if I had been dating Edward for years, I wasn't sure if I would have told Charlie about him. I was a horrible, horrible daughter.

"No, just since the summer," I repeated. I thought about telling him about Chicago but I didn't want to bring up something else that Charlie didn't know about, something else that I didn't trust him with.

"Is he good to you?" he asked.

"He's…" I closed my eyes, searching for the right word, "…amazing to me."

Charlie grinned. "Good."

"Plus, he knows about my special talent."

His eyebrows went up. "And what does he say?"

"Unbelievably, he thinks it's incredible."

In an atypical move, Charlie put his hand on my back and a tight smile crossed over his face. "If he upsets you and you need me to put the hurt on him, just say the word. I have a few friends in Chicago."

I laughed a little too hard at the mention of my future home. "Speaking of Chicago-"

"When are you moving?" _Damn, he was good_.

"Next summer," I said, "after school let's out."

He sighed and looked around at the leaves scattered on the pavement of the parking lot. "I've always wanted to see Chicago," he admitted. "Looks like I'll have an excuse to make a trip out there, now."

I couldn't help myself. My emotions took over and I grabbed up my Dad into a tight hug, blowing off the creeping discomfort that traveled up my spine. Slowly, he wrapped his arms around me and embraced me in return. It felt oddly good and surprisingly past due. When the hug was over, the discomfort I shoved away was too strong to ignore. We shuffled beside each other in silence.

"It's a little cold to be wearing a tank top, eh?" he muttered.

I cut my eyes to him. "So, I stopped by the house."

He tried to hide the panic but it was too late; I saw it in his eyes. "You did, huh?"

"Yeah, I did; lovely throw pillows, by the way."

After more shifting and several tries at clearing his throat he finally spoke. "The pillows weren't my idea."

I laughed. "Obviously! So, when do I get to meet her?"

"Uh…you kind of already have."

My face twisted into confusion as I thought about the women in Forks that I knew. "Ilene?"

He yanked at his moustache in irritation. "Ilene? Good Lord, Bella, she's in her seventies!"

"Shelly?"

His fingers started twisting the course hairs on his upper lip. "Shelly is…she's married with two grown kids, Bella."

"It is a woman, right?"

He snapped his gaze to me and he may have pulled a few hairs out of his lip. "It's Mary, okay? I'm living with Mary."

I gasped. "Mary? My Mary?"

He narrowed his eyes and smirked. "Now she's my Mary."

My mouth dropped open as I tried to block out any sort of ulterior meanings to what he had just said. "Wow…does Alice know?" He shook his head and started playing with his moustache again. "When? How?"

"When you girls left for school, we started talking-"

"You've been dating since I started college?"

"No, we just started talking then but we started seeing each other last spring," he murmured, uncomfortable with the conversation.

"You move fast, Dad," I teased.

He nudged my shoulder with his. "When you get old, you have to move a little fast."

**~~AMS~~**

Edward drove home so I could sleep but there was no way I could keep my brain from shutting down. The thought of my Dad living with Mary was overwhelming. It put him in that category of "he's a person, just like you". Even though I saw them together at the party, I still couldn't picture them watching TV together or doing yard work outside their Cape Cod. They were so different but they seemed well-balanced.

The phone call that Edward had gotten at my Dad's party was cause for celebration. It was his boss at the law firm offering him a position in the Research Department. He didn't seem as elated as he should have been but we were both mentally and physically worn out as the sun set behind us on the drive back to Seattle.

We were both exhausted when we walked through the door at 9pm. I made us a quick sandwich, and we sat down to watch a movie. In no time, Edward finished his food and lay down on the couch with his feet in my lap. Thirty minutes in and he was emitting a soft snore on every inhale.

My eyes traveled to my laptop on the kitchen table. After a few minutes of letting it eat away at me, I eased out from under his feet and I padded over to the table. I logged onto my e-mail and froze when I saw that Renee had replied to my e-mail already.

As I clicked on the message, I could have never been prepared to see how she had responded.

_Isabella,_

_I realize that I am in no position to negotiate and I did tell you that the when/where was up to you but I can not wait until October. I don't have that much time left. Please, reconsider the when._

_Renee_

I read through it three times before cursing out loud to myself. _Holy shit-Renee is dying._

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**A/N: Thank you again! We meet Renee next. Any one have any theories about Renee? Your reviews are loved and apprectiated!**


	24. Chapter 24 Her loss

**A/N: I have some serious people to thank here, so bear with me. First, thank you to all of you for reading and especially those who are reviewing. The reviews mean the world to me!**

**I'd like to thank Dominatall for her kind review on Twigasm! You totally rock!**

**Illicitwriter Fanfiction graciously made an amazing banner for Awake My Soul. I'll post the link on my profile page. THANK YOU!**

**Last but not least, thank you SoftRagoo for pre-reading and making me wish I was a Canadian. ;-)**

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all characters.**

**Chapter song: "Crawl" by KOL**

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It was so imbalanced that the first memory I could conjure up about my life was of Renee. I was four or five years old, and she looked healthy in my memory. Not the wasted, empty woman that she was the last time I saw her. She didn't chain smoke or drink whiskey like it was going out of style but instead, she seemed perfect. Maybe it was my naïve child brain that shut out all the bad things because when you're that age, you see your parents as perfect. Perhaps, I ignored the cigarettes and the deep blue bags under her eyes and maybe I assumed the amber liquid in the glass was apple juice. Probably, I'd never know.

It was a hot summer, as it always was in Arizona, and she had decided that I should learn how to bake. She grabbed a box of cake mix, some eggs and a measuring cup and laid it all out on the counter in front of her. I yanked out the wobbly wooden step stool that I used to wash my hands before dinner, and dragged it over to where she stood. I remember her smiling at me while I climbed onto it and waited for her instructions. She read the box, and I felt a rush of pride go through me after each step was completed. My tiny hand clasped the mixer, as her larger hand fell perfectly over mine to keep the appliance from vibrating out of my grasp. I remember feeling loved. I remember thinking that no matter what goes wrong in my world, my Mom would always be there to make sure that it never shook out of control.

When the cake was done, she made me wait for it to cool before I spread chocolate icing over it. I sat there, staring at the cake on the top of the stove, wishing that it would just hurry up already so I could put the finishing touches on it. I was never a big cake fan but that cake was special. When I put that first bite in my mouth, I caught my Mom watching me, smiling, as if I had just won the Gold medal in the Olympics. She was proud of me therefore I was proud of myself.

If she ever understood the way she affected me by just a single smile, I never knew. After she left, that memory cranked over and over in my head like a broken record. Perhaps, if I had told her I loved her more. Maybe if I had made her more cakes, she would never have disappeared.

It all came to one conclusion in my head when I was ten years old. She left me because I was not what she wanted. Even though her disappearance had been investigated and there was a real possibility that she had gone somewhere and thrown herself off a bridge, I knew better. She had said her farewells to me, that night before with her croaky voice singing to me that she'd always love me. I knew, in my heart, that she wanted something better for herself.

I was about to prove myself right.

"You're shaking," Alice told me, wrapping her arm around my shoulder. "You don't have to do this. We could be at the car in three minutes, making like a bat and getting the hell out of here."

My head shook before the beginnings of any kind of thought process began. "No, I need to just get this over with."

It had only been a week since I had received her e-mail about October being too far away. Edward had started his job, and in his words, it killed him to be stuck in Chicago while I met with the crazy woman. I assured him that I'd be fine and I would because I had Alice. While Alice may not have magic hands or strong, unbreakable arms, Alice knew what I had went through when I came back to Forks. She dried my tears and held my hand during several nervous breakdowns as I came to terms with my life as a freak. There were times when I didn't know if I would make it, times when I wanted to lock myself up and flush down the key but Alice always pulled me through. She was my rock and my guiding light and I loved her. Maybe it was fate for Alice to be sitting here beside me on this bench with her arm wrapped protectively around me instead of Edward's. While Edward knew me well, Alice knew every side of me; even the broken Bella's that cease to exist.

"What are you thinking about?" Alice's hold on my shoulder tightened as she asked me the question.

"I was wondering if we were lesbians, if you would have given me the time of day," I teased.

Her face scrunched in thought for a few beats. "It depends. Did the lesbian version of us meet in Junior High or present time?"

I chewed on my lip because that was a damn good question. "Give me the answer for both."

"If we met in Junior High, probably not but now-"

"What? Why wouldn't you go out with me in Junior High?"

She rolled her eyes and a noise came from her throat. "Because in Junior High, we wouldn't know yet that we are lesbians or if we did, we'd be all confused about it. Plus, your choice of clothing back then left something to be desired and heavens, don't get me started on your pigtails."

My mouth fell open. "What was wrong with my pigtails?"

She cocked her head to the side and looked at me with pity. "Oh Bella, you wore pigtails when you were twelve. That's just not right."

I crossed my arms over my chest and pulled away from her a little. "Okay, what about now? What if we met in the present time?"

The corner of her mouth pulled up slightly. "It would be love at first sight."

My arms uncrossed and I fell back into her again, satisfied with her answer. "Damn straight," I quipped.

Some high pitched screams came from the playground across the path as two girls ran from a little boy about the same age. We were sitting in the same place that I had met Charlie a month before, and as soon as I sat down, I wished I'd chosen a different place. As ridiculous as it sounded, this bench felt comfortable for me, special even. I felt like something had passed between my Dad and me that day that irrevocably changed our relationship. The horrible feeling set itself into my mind that this bench would be forever tainted after speaking with Renee.

My eyes burned from lack of sleep and a dull ache dwelled in my head as I glanced at my watch. She was ten minutes late. I growled internally at my ludicrous desire to make excuses for her: She didn't know the area, her flight could have been delayed, a quick stop at a liquor store.

I couldn't keep from watching the busy path from the parking lot, hoping that I would see her then praying that I wouldn't. Part of me wished for her to stay hidden in the shadows of my memories, but a larger part of me wanted the closure. No, I needed the closure as Charlie and Edward reminded me the previous day in separate conversations. Edward didn't like the way Renee had pushed our meeting, especially after informing me, initially, that the place and time were up to me. Neither of them trusted her, and I couldn't blame them but they both encouraged me to do this and move on with my life.

"I say we give her five more minutes," Alice snapped. "If she really wanted to see you, she would have been here an hour early." When she glanced at my face, her features softened along with her voice. "Oh no, I didn't mean…Bella, I'm sure she wants to see you."

I shook my head. "It's okay, Al, I've had the same…"

My voice trailed off as I spotted her. She was too far away-maybe one hundred yards-to make out the details of her face but somehow I knew it was her. She walked the same, her hips bobbing from side to side and her hair swaying in waves behind her. There was someone with her, a little girl wearing a baseball cap and dressed like a Tom-boy. She stuck close to her side until Renee spotted us sitting on the bench, and her eyes met mine. She knelt down to the little girl, and pointed to the playground. The little girl glanced behind her, put up a small fight and then walked halfheartedly toward the swings. _Sweet Jesus-she has a daughter! _

"Oh my God…that's her," I squeaked. Panic flew into my chest and I could feel my heart thumping wildly in my chest. "I don't know if I can…I can't do this, Alice."

Alice turned my face toward hers using the tips of her fingers against my cheek. "You can do this, Bella; just remember that you owe her _nothing_." She hissed the last word and then she gave me a quick peck on my cheek.

"Right…nothing," I whispered.

As I watched her approach us, I took in her appearance: Brown hair past her shoulders, slender but healthy build, and artificially pink cheeks. This was not the look of a woman on her death bed. I was momentarily pissed off until she stopped walking, a couple feet away from me and panic took me over completely. Her eyes shifted over me briefly as I sat clutching on to Alice so she wouldn't let me sink, and a flash of what resembled satisfaction flushed over her face. Her shoulder slumped a little and a grin formed on her full pink lips.

"You look good, Bella," she said. I stared at her, mouth agape and blinking like I had just witnessed the Apocalypse. She pointed to the bench beside where I sat and asked, "Can I sit?"

I didn't really want her to because what I really wanted was to be home, spending my Saturday watching TLC and eating left over Chinese. There was a marathon of _What Not to Wear _onand my VCR was on the fritz. The horrible unidentifiable feeling that was building up in my abdomen only made nodding to her that much harder. I felt hollow and empty, aching and tired as she slowly eased herself down beside me. I scooted impossibly closer to Alice. As ridiculous as it sounded, I imagined a green aura of evil hovering around her body and if I sat too close, I'd get sucked in.

Her whole body seemed to fidget as she tried to look everywhere but my eyes. She finally settled on staring at her clasped hands in her lap. I noticed a large diamond on the ring finger of her left hand and ludicrously I became full of rage. My jaw clenched and my teeth forcefully grinded together until the bones of my jaw felt as if they were on the verge of cracking. "First off, I need to just tell you that I realize what I did was completely stupid and selfish. I don't blame you if you hate me or if you don't ever forgive me for that." Her speech was robotic, probably having been practiced over and over in her mind on the way here. She opened her mouth to continue but only let out a gust of an exhale. Her fingers were wringing together, having a war with each other.

"What do you want?" It was the first question that popped into my mind. I wanted to get to the point. Now that she was here, in front of me, and I saw that she had not drowned herself in guilt the past eighteen years, I was surprisingly uninterested. I wanted to be somewhere else. In particular, Chicago wrapped up in strong, protective arms.

She had the nerve to appear shocked at my question as her hands froze and her blue eyes finally met mine. They weren't the same ones I saw in the mirror everyday-that was Charlie-but her nose looked familiar as well as her bone structure. When she saw me glaring at her, she stiffened and glanced toward the playground.

"Who is that?" I asked, following her gaze. The little girl was swaying back and forth on her swing, dragging her tennis shoes through the gravel. Her head hung low and her shoulders slumped as if she were being punished. Dust rose from where her feet had shuffled over the ground, rising to the thickening clouds of the afternoon. It would rain soon-I could tell.

"M-my daughter," she stuttered.

I turned back to her and if I wasn't mistaken, she looked frightened. "Do you think that I can…do you think I would hurt her?" The sudden paleness of her sunburned face confirmed my suspicion without needing an answer. My emotions betrayed me, and my chest hollowed out with the familiar ache of rejection. Tears pooled in my eyes but I blinked them away. I shouldn't have cared what she thought but somewhere deep in my guts, I felt myself drawn to her like a newborn baby to her mother's breast. My body knew that it shared its blood with the woman beside me on the bench. "I'm not a monster, even though that's probably how you've always seen me."

Alice tensed beside me, waiting for her answer. She was ready to spring, throw some punches and be done with it. I should have taken away her second Espresso when I had the chance. Highly-caffeinated Alice was emotional and spontaneous.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her shaking her head. "I never thought that you were a monster, Bella. You were different and you needed something that I could never give you." Her tone was matter-of-fact, like it was something I should have accepted a long time ago.

"Like what?"

Her brows pulled together in confusion and she opened her mouth to talk but was interrupted by a deep familiar voice from behind us.

"Perhaps love, Renee?"

All three of us looked over our shoulders to see Charlie…no, my Dad standing there, leaning on his cane. He was glaring at Renee, fully expecting an answer before greetings ensued.

"Charlie?" The surprise on her face brought the first smile to my face in what seemed like hours. "What are you doing here?"

Without looking at me, he said, "I'm here for Bella."

The hollowness in my chest was immediately replaced with the growing love I had for the man standing at my back. I bit my lip in an effort to keep my tears at bay; one slipped through but it wasn't out of sadness. I'd hoped he'd knew that the salty drop of liquid that had fallen from eyelash to chin was because I was so fucking touched by his presence. And because he was a clueless son of bitch when it came to emotions, I reached behind me and grabbed his hand so it became clear to him. My heart swelled when he squeezed my hand in return but he kept his gaze on Renee.

Renee's eyes traveled quickly from Charlie to our hands then back up. "Oh, well, I guess I should be asking you if I'm the monster here." She laughed humorlessly. "I didn't realize that you thought you'd need so much back up."

Three pairs of eyes blinked at her. She crossed her arms over her chest and returned her gaze to the little girl on the swings. I let go of Charlie's hand and mirrored her stance.

"Of course I loved her, Charlie. It's absurd to think that-"

My Dad cut her off. "You need to address this to Bella."

She cleared her throat and shifted on her seat as if she were being forced into confessing to a murder. "I loved you, Bella. After I left, I thought about you so much and I wondered what you were doing…what you looked like as a grown woman. I wondered if you went to college or if you had gotten married. I picked up that phone more times than you'll ever know, dialing Charlie's number then hanging up before it rang." She finally made eye contact with me and her eyes were full of determination. "You don't know how hard it was to not know what happened to your own daughter."

I took a deep breath because she was really starting to piss me off and that branch hanging over her head looked mighty flimsy. It may have been a good thing that Edward wasn't here to help me with that branch via his magic contact. She didn't deserve to know any of that, even now as she sits in front of me and we rehash the past. "Whose fault was that?"

"I already told you that what I did was selfish and no matter what excuses I lay out there, it won't help you realize my reasoning."

A strong desire to slap the bitch took over me but I closed my eyes and took a deep cleansing breath instead. I exhaled through my mouth and opened my eyes when I felt the bubbling anxiety in my abdomen relax minutely.

"Try me," I mumbled.

She sighed as she uncrossed her arms, her hands starting back up with the wringing. "Do you remember me before I left?"

"I remember some," I confessed, "but not much."

"Do you remember the time I wouldn't let you play outside after dark and you got so angry at me, every glass in the cabinet cracked?" I shook my head and Alice's grip on my hand tightened. "Or the time that I made you unwillingly turn off the TV because it was bedtime and every picture frame in the living room crashed to the floor?"

"That wasn't her fault," Alice growled through her teeth. She was doing a damn fine job as Edward's substitute: Strong grip, fierce protectiveness and unshakable love. "She was just a little girl."

Renee didn't even look at Alice. "What was I supposed to do? I was losing my mind and there was no one to help me. I figured if I just…left, that you'd go stay with Charlie and he could try to work with you. I just had to get out of there."

"So, you thought the best course of action would be to take off in the middle of the night after telling me that you'll always love me?" Shock crossed over her face at the mention of the Dolly Parton song. "Yeah, I remember and it haunted me for years until I was finally able to let go."

"I don't…" she hesitated, and then her face lit up in thought. "So, you know that I loved you, when you remember me singing that song to you that night. That's how you know that it wasn't easy for me to leave you like that."

I shook my head and replied, "If it wasn't hard for you then you are a monster. You didn't just leave, but you left your eight year old daughter, _alone_, in the middle of the night to fend for myself."

She scoffed and I swore to myself if she rolled her eyes, I would make good on that "slapping the bitch" thought I'd had a few minutes prior. "It's not like we lived in the ghetto, Bella, and you were a smart girl. I knew you'd call someone when you woke up and I wasn't home."

I frowned at her and Charlie cleared his throat behind me. "It took me two days to realize that you weren't coming home," I growled. "Two days of wondering where you were and two days of sitting in that empty house imagining you hurt somewhere. How did the police not find you when we filed a report?"

"I went to Mexico," she mumbled.

My eyebrows lifted. "I drove you out of the country?"

She shrugged a shoulder. "I told you, I was losing my mind. When I started driving, I didn't even know what direction I was going; turned out I was driving South. I was in Mexico for six months before I finally came back."

"You name should have still popped up when you came back into the country," Charlie commented. "If you paid taxes or applied for any loans, your name should have been red-flagged as a missing person."

She looked up at him and sighed, "Yeah, well, it would have if I had used my former last name."

I looked at her with confusion until I remembered her last name on the e-mail she had sent me. "You got married," I mumbled.

She nodded once, her hair moving with the motion of her head. "I came back as Renee Dwyer."

For a few beats, we sat around and thought about what Renee had said. My Dad grunted from behind me, and it wasn't out of annoyance. He was feeling the burn in his hip and I was flooded with guilt that I hadn't offered him my seat on the bench. I rose and stepped out of Alice's embrace as Renee stiffened on the bench.

"Dad," I said pointing at the bench. "Take my seat. I need to do some thoughtful pacing."

He looked ready to argue but as he shifted on his feet, his eyes closed momentarily out of pain. His cane made soft tapping noises against the pavement of the walking trail as he made his way over and sat down beside Alice. With a twitch of his moustache, he winked at Alice as he settled onto the wooden bench.

"What happened to you, Charlie?" Renee asked, eyeing his walking stick with curiosity.

He opened his mouth to answer but I found myself unable to contain my anger. She didn't deserve to know any of it. "That's not your concern."

As she turned sharply to look at me, her face was an expression of shock. I wondered for a moment if my face mirrored hers because I was more than a little surprised at the amount of anger I felt toward her. After all these years of trying to live like a normal girl, she wasn't more than just a passing thought, especially after I realized that she had left me. It wasn't something that I allowed myself to concentrate on since my gift absorbed most of my awareness. Now that she was here in front of me, I wasn't about to hold back. This was the reason I had e-mailed her back and accepted her invitation.

"I was only asking a question, Bella," she grumbled, her arms re-crossing over her chest. "Do _you_ have any more questions?"

My eyes narrowed, and I twitched to cross my arms over my chest exactly as she had done but I couldn't do that. We would look just too much alike with our matching scowls and positions. The only way she was my mother was our bone structure and the fact that she had popped me out of her patootie. But this was my chance so I couldn't waste it on staring contests or petty arguments.

"When did you decide to leave?"

"What do you mean?" She hadn't been expecting that question.

"How old was I when you silently decided that you couldn't take it anymore? Did you know all along? You had to have saved for it because the police said your bank accounts remained untouched. How long did you plan your escape?" I asked.

She shook her head. "I didn't plan it. Like I told you, I just lost it and I had to-"

"Bullshit," I said. Her mouth snapped closed and she glared at me. "That's bullshit. The least you could do is be fucking honest with me."

After blinking a few times and chewing on the inside of her mouth, she answered, "About six months before I left."

Charlie cleared his throat and shifted his weight on the bench. Alice threaded her arm through his and pursed her lips. They were like my watch dogs, just waiting for the signal to be let loose so that they could claw her eyes out and gnash their teeth at her throat. Alice always loved Charlie so I wondered what her reaction would be to him shacking up with her Mom. Mary asked me not to tell her so that they could break the news to her as a couple. My advice to Charlie would be to buy a really good pair of ear plugs and prepare himself for some serious Alice hugs. He grumbled at that but I could see the smirk fighting at his lips.

"Six months?" I asked. "So, you had been planning your escape for six months and you couldn't even think of a better way to leave?"

"You don't know what it was like for me! You didn't know-"

I wasn't interested in her excuses. She could have told me that every time she looked at me, she caught a horrible ass rash and it wouldn't have made what she did an okay thing. "Why didn't you just call Dad and have him come get me?"

Charlie looked at her, wondering the same thing.

She shook her head. "I don't…I told you that I was-"

"Yeah, I know-you were 'losing your mind'. I get it," I snapped.

She sighed, and looked defeated at the ground near her shoes. "I don't have anything to tell you that would help you understand why I did what I did. Half the time, I don't understand."

"And the other half? The other half of the time, you think what you did was fine and dandy?" Alice interjected.

Renee's eyes stayed planted on mine as she ignored the question. Some kids squealed behind me on the playground and I looked over my shoulder. The little girl-apparently her daughter-was on her rear, pulling strands of grass out of the earth. She looked eternally bored and I wondered how much she knew of this little meeting her mom was having at the moment.

Then my thoughts took a turn for the worse: Was she a good mom? Did she spoil her at Christmas? Did she play dress-up with her and let her clonk around the house in her high heels as a child? Would she pamper her and send her off to her prom, drying her cheeks of happy tears? I hoped, for that little girl's sake, that she did and she would.

"Do you regret it?" I asked, still watching the girl. "Would you do it over again if you could?"

"Bella, I-"

I snapped my neck and faced her, resistance in my expression. "The truth."

She took a deep breath and blew it out of her mouth. "I still would have left but I wouldn't have left you the way that I did. I would have called Charlie first so that he could come get you."

I wasn't sure whether she was being honest but it was the best I was going to get. It was all I needed to move on with my life. I looked at Alice and Charlie, who were watching me, waiting for the kill-signal. Edward's face ran through my mind, and my throat closed with emotion. My thoughts roamed to Esme's grilled cheese sandwiches and Carlisle's determination; Rose and Emmett, and sweet, kind Jasper. They were my heart, my reason and the woman in front of me on the bench was on the outside. She would never know what it would be like on the inside, and that was her fucking loss.

"I think I'm ready to go," I said to no one in particular.

Alice rose slowly from the bench, her smile proud and fierce.

"Wait, Bella, I…I have to talk to you about something else," Renee called out, louder than necessary. She cleared her throat and I raised my eyebrows at her. "Please, just hear me out."

That's when it hit me. She hadn't called me so she could get to know me, or explain herself, or even for closure. It was the same words she had used in the e-mail, "just hear me out". _Son of a bitch_. She needed something from me.

"What?"

Her eyes traveled to the little girl on the ground, plucking grass out of the ground. "My daughter, her name is Bree and she is ten years old. She's an only child so you are the closest thing she has to a sibling."

My mouth fell open. "What? You want me to play sister to her? I don't ever want to see you again, let alone play family to someone who-"

"She has Leukemia," she said. I snapped my mouth shut and a rush of guilt swept through me. Then I was pissed that she made me feel fucking guilty. "She's been through Chemo and Radiation but she needs a bone marrow transplant."

I needed to sit down and I loved Charlie, but I wasn't about to sit on his lap. Pain shot up my tailbone as I plopped down on the ground, hoping that my dizziness wasn't obvious. I took some deep cleansing breaths through my nose as Renee continued to talk about Bree's disease.

"She got diagnosed when she was seven after we took her to the Pediatrician for what we thought was a simple flu. He noticed some bruising and a high fever so he sent us to the ER where they drew some blood. She started Chemo two weeks later, and continued it for over a year. After she was in remission for six months, they were going to start Radiation Therapy, but they did a CT scan. She had a relapse: It had spread into her Lymph nodes so they did surgery, and removed them. Thankfully, it hadn't spread to any of her vital organs but they started the Chemo over again to help put her back into remission.

After two years, she's still going through Chemo and now Radiation but things look good for her. They told me that a bone marrow transplant could possibly eliminate the disease from her life completely." Renee looked up at me, from under her lashes and I knew this was the part where she told me what she needed. "Phil, my husband, and I have been tested but we're not a match. She's on the transplant list but she's not on high priority so they said that it could be a while. They said that a sibling donor usually brings about the best outcome."

I blinked at her, wondering what I was supposed to say to that. How could I keep my anger with the Mother who had abandoned me during my childhood when that little girl sitting one hundred yards away was fighting for her life.

Thankfully, my Dad stepped up for me as I sat, dumbfounded on the walking path in front of them. "So, you're asking Bella to be tested? To see if she is a match?"

Renee nodded and then looked at me, a tear straying from the corner of her eye and then down her cheek. "All they have to do is draw some blood. I've talked to Seattle Children's and they said it's no problem to run it there. It will only take twenty minutes, at most," she pleaded.

A meaningless question popped into my brain. "Why the rush?" I asked.

She looked startled. "What?"

"You told me that you didn't have that much time when I suggested meeting in October. If Bree is in remission, then why was this whole thing rushed?" I asked.

"When you have a sick child, every day is a gift but it is also a curse. A day passes when you have no answers, and it feels wasted. Leukemia is a temperamental and unpredictable bitch." Another tear fell down her cheek as she watched Bree travel back to the swings, looking in our direction. "I needed to talk to you before she ran out of time."

I couldn't see the details of Bree's face but I could tell by the tilted head and open mouth that she was trying to ask a question with her expression. After a sigh, I rose from the ground and wiped my hands over my rear to get rid of clingy dirty.

"You don't have to do anything, Bells," Charlie said, and scooted to the edge of the bench.

Renee shot him a dirty look but kept quiet. Alice caught the dirty look and raised her a sneer.

"I'll be right back," I told them. Renee moved to get off the bench and I held my hand out to her, snapping, "Stay!"

She looked nervous but she obeyed.

As I approached the swings, Bree looked up at me and she did a double-take. Her eyes grew wide, and her mouth dropped open as she watched me plant my rear down into the swing next to her. After shooting a cautious glance at her Mom, she cleared her throat and squeaked out a greeting.

"Hey," I said. "I'm Bella."

She nodded. "I know who you are."

The black Diamondbacks baseball cap she wore looked two sizes too big for her bald head. She looked smaller up close, with skinny stick-like legs and a long torso. Bags dwelled under her tiny blue lash-less eyes, and her cheek bones stuck out a little farther than normal.

"You do?" She nodded. "I know who you are, too."

Her mouth closed and she pressed her full lips into a thin line. I raked my tennis shoe through the gravel under the swing and it formed a small valley of pebbles.

"How old are you?" I asked.

Her chin jutted out in defiance. "Why?"

I shrugged and mumbled, "Just curious. I'm twenty-six, by the way, in case you were wondering."

She pushed herself off the ground with her foot and her swing carried her forward. "Well, I wasn't."

"So, Bree, if you won't tell me anything about yourself, tell me what you do know about me." I planted my foot into the ground and pushed myself into the air.

She was quiet for a few moments. "I know that we have the same Mom but that's about it."

"Do you know why you're here?" I asked.

"To see if you are a match."

I glanced over toward the bench I had come from. Renee was on the edge of her seat, watching us like a hawk. She was probably worried that I'd confess our past with her daughter. I couldn't blame her because I'd have the same damn fear.

"Your Mom said that you're doing better," I commented.

"Yeah, I guess," she muttered.

"Is she wrong?"

She thought about my question for a few moments. "Do you have a boyfriend?"

I managed a shocked expression before answering, "Yeah, I do. Why?"

The sigh that came from her was sad and much too old of a noise to come from a ten year old. "It sucks to know that I'll never have one."

I furrowed my brows. The clouds were growing much thicker and I anticipated the feel of raindrops at any moment. "Why won't you ever have one? If I'm a match, then you'll get better and live to be an old lady. You'll have many boyfriends."

She scoffed. "Boys don't like bald chicks with skinny legs."

"You shouldn't be worried about what boys like, right now," I grumbled. "Boys your age are clueless, anyway."

I expected an argument on the maturity of fifth graders but instead I heard a giggle. "You're right about that," she said.

"Besides, when you're done with the Chemo, your hair will grow back and when you get into high school, skinny legs are your friends," I quipped.

"Sometimes, when you're on Chemo for a while, your hair doesn't grow back," she said, sadly.

I frowned. "You just can't think like that. If that happens, then there are tons of ways around that."

"Like what? A wig? I'm not wearing a wig like some old lady," she said.

"You could get a tattoo."

She made a face. "On my head?" I nodded and grinned. "What kind of tattoo would I get on my head?"

"A really freaking cool one," I told her.

Her lips formed into a smile and she opened her mouth to talk but we were interrupted by a voice from behind us.

"Who's talking about getting a tattoo?"

"Mom," Bree whined, "Bella is just joking."

Renee smiled shakily at Bree, and ruffled her hat with a hand causing it to go lop-sided. "We have to get going, sweetheart. It looks like it's going to rain soon."

"Okay," she said, getting off the swing. "Bye, Bella."

"Later, Bree!"

Renee turned to me, and said, "Charlie has my phone number so if you decide within the next couple of days, call me. We'll be in town until-"

"Where do I have to go?"

Her eyes went wide and her face paled. "What?"

"If I'm going to get tested, where do I go?"

She blubbered out directions to the hospital unit and wrote down the names of the Doctors she had spoken to. With her arm wrapped protectively around Bree, they walked quickly to the car just as the beginning of the storm started to release on my head.

Alice wrapped her arm around my shoulders as my Dad approached the opposite side: My bodyguards, my guard dogs, my family.

"You don't have to do this, Bella," Alice said.

"Yeah," I sighed, "I do."

* * *

**A/N: Who else freaking loves Charlie? Edward returns in the next chapter, I promise. Would you get tested if you were Bella? What do you think about Renee? Feedback and reviews make me do a poor imitation of Michael Jackson's dance moves on my kitchen tile. Just sayin'.**

**Don't forget to check out my banner made graciously by Illicitwriter Fanfiction! Link is on my profile! Thanks for reading!**


	25. Chapter 25 Meeting in Nowhere

**A/N: Thank you for all who are reading! I adore each and every review. They're all printed off and I pull them out when I need some encouragement in the next chapter. Just FYI-I put song links up on my profile page for all my chapter songs. :)**

**Thanks, SR for pre-reading. You. Light up. My Liiiiife!**

**Disclaimer: SM owns all characters.**

**Chapter Song: "Angels on the Moon" by Thriving Ivory**

* * *

I had always hated hospitals. Even with my highly sensitive awareness that I had built as a child, I was still able to find things to trip over. I was surprised that Charlie still had all his hair, given the number of times stitches had been placed in my skin or a cast had constricted my limbs.

When I thought back to those times, I remembered my nervous father, pacing a pattern on the cheap tile of the emergency room. He would fiddle with his moustache and anxiously clear his throat as we waited for them to call my name. At the time, I saw him as embarrassed or fearful that I would expose myself with my gift. Probably, there was that fear within him but now that I knew him better, a new realization came to me. The pacing and the fiddling were what helpless fathers did when their child sat injured, in the ER. With me, there was just bonus worry.

Walking into the hospital made me think of the conversation I had with him on my lunch break the previous day.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?" Charlie asked.

"I'm just getting my blood drawn, Dad. I'll be fine," I grumbled. Don't get me wrong, I relished in Charlie's newfound over-protectiveness of me but it was foreign. I didn't know how to handle it when he offered to do things like this because I had lived most of my life thinking that I was on my own-that he didn't care. Boy, had he proved me wrong the past few weeks.

"Renee might be there," he added as extra incentive to bring him along, "In all of her monstrous glory."

I laughed. "I can handle her for five minutes."

"I know you can but it doesn't hurt to have reinforcements."

Change of topic was the only way I was getting through this conversation without conceding to his presence. "So, when are you and Mary going to let Alice in on your dirty little secret?"

There was a pause before he answered, "It's not a dirty little secret, Bella. We just need to find the right time and Mary doesn't want to do it over the phone."

"It's not a big deal," I told him. "You guys are making each other happy and in turn, that will make Al happy."

Charlie cleared his throat. This talking about feelings stuff was a real drag for Charlie so he had to allow a few nervous ticks while he did it. His moustache was probably taking the brunt of his awkwardness right now. "Alice has never seen her Mom with another man so Mary is worried it will make her…you know, think of her Dad leaving."

I hadn't thought of it that way but I knew Alice pretty well and I told him that. "She's stronger than we give her credit for," I told him. "She won't break and if she does, we're all here to help her through it."

"When did you get so smart?" he asked. "I should come to you for advice more often."

My smile was smug even though he couldn't see it. "Oh, you know, it just comes naturally."

"Must be genetic," he teased.

I retorted with a joke about being adopted.

My mind flashed back to the present as I got off the elevator onto the third floor where I walked through what seemed like a maze of hallways before I reached the Hematology-Oncology department.

"Can I help you?" A smiling red-haired woman, who looked like she loved her job, greeted me.

I told her my name with a nervous, shaky smile. After doing a series of clicks on her computer, she grinned at me and told me to have a seat. They'd be with me in a moment.

The chair squeaked loudly as I sat myself down in it. I crossed my legs and took a deep breath to try and calm my nerves. Charlie would have been a good companion right about now: Calming my anxiety with his strong silence. I was second guessing my choice to decline his invitation when the hallway door opened and in walked Renee and Bree. If I was second guessing before, now I was calling myself a poor decision maker.

"Bella," Renee said my name in greeting, nodding her head once.

I didn't respond but instead turned to Bree. "Hey, Bree, how goes it?"

Bree grinned weakly. "It's going."

Renee put a hand on Bree's shoulder and squeezed. "You need to go to the bathroom, Bree?"

Bree rolled her eyes. "No, Mom, I'm fine."

Her Mom turned to me and tilted her head. "She's having a bad morning," she whispered, as if it was a big secret.

I patted the chair next to me and said to Bree, "Have a seat. They said it would only be a minute but you can entertain me while we wait."

Something flashed on Renee's face but she stayed silent. Bree plopped down beside me and let out a sigh of relief. Renee took the seat on her other side and clutched onto her purse, which was across her lap. In that moment, she looked old to me-so different than what I had pictured all these years in the few instances when I did wonder about her. I imagined an irresponsible, chain smoking woman with the shakes so bad that drawing a straight line would be a remarkable feat.

"You look a little pale," Bree said, scrunching down in her seat a little. It was astounding how little she looked in that chair, her stomach flat and her legs like two longs sticks.

I raised my brows. "You're one to talk," I teased.

Renee gasped but all I heard was the sound of Bree's giggles. "At least I have an excuse," she retorted.

My mouth flew open and I put my hand on my chest in mock offense. "I have an excuse! I happen to hate the sight of blood so this is not my idea of a nice afternoon."

"Are you going to vomit?" she asked.

I quirked an eyebrow. "Possibly," I said. "Is that going to be a problem?"

She giggled again; a sound like music in the midst of a war. "As long as you don't vomit on me, I won't have a problem with it."

"I'll see what I can do," I told her.

An annoyed sigh escaped Renee and she mumbled something when she turned her face in the opposite direction. Bree caught it and watched her Mom for a few moments before turning back to me. I didn't know what kind of Mom that she was but a sudden wave of protectiveness washed through me for the girl beside me. If she only knew the affect she had on Bree, she'd take the stick out of her ass and suck it up.

"What's your boyfriend like?" Bree asked.

Renee turned her face back to us. "Bree, honey, I'm sure that Bella doesn't want to-"

"He's amazing," I cut in, glaring at Renee. I tried to ignore the twang of pain that moved through my chest when I thought about Edward. My attempt at keeping my words separate from my emotions was difficult. "He's very sweet."

Bree smiled. "What does he look like?" She waggled her eyebrows and I had to laugh. "I bet he has really big muscles."

I opened my mouth to answer her, but someone called out my name. When I stood up, Bree stood up with me.

"You stay here, Bree, while Bella goes back," Renee said, with a hand on her daughter's arm.

Bree turned to me. "Can I go back with you?"

I wanted to give the go-ahead but as much as I hated to admit it, I couldn't undermine her mother. "I don't mind but it's up to your Mom."

She turned to Renee. "Please, Mom?"

Renee sighed. "Okay, but make sure you are able to sit down back there. You're weak and we don't need a trip to the emergency room today because of a fall."

For the sake of torturing her Mom, she muttered, "Well, at least we'd be close."

Renee cringed. I held in a laugh as I headed toward the nurse who had called out my name. Bree moved silently behind me and as much as I hated to agree with the woman left out in the waiting room, the girl did look fragile.

They took me back to a room where I sat in a chair made specifically for drawing blood. Bree sat down beside me, and groaned like she was exhausted.

"You sure you're up for this?" I asked.

She rolled her eyes. "Oh man, not you, too."

I laughed. "She's just concerned about you," I told her, astounded at how quickly I came to Renee's defense.

A minute or two passed before she spoke again. "How come you moved away?"

My brows furrowed as she watched me. "What?"

"She told me that you guys used to live in Phoenix but you hated it, so you moved back to Forks to live with your Dad. It's strange how she never even mentioned you until I got sick." Her fingers found the hem of her shirt, and she unconsciously started folding and unfolding it. "I know you don't get along with her but she _is_ your Mom."

Something resembling a growl built up low in my chest but I was able to stop it before it escaped. It was obvious that she had lied to Bree, and it wasn't a surprise but I wouldn't be following in her footsteps. As satisfying as it would be to tell Bree the entire truth, I didn't want to put a wedge in their relationship, for the girl's sake.

"Your Mom didn't want a child when I was little and I think it was for the best that I came to live with my Dad. We didn't speak after I came back, so there was no relationship, really. A few weeks ago was the first I'd heard from her since I was eight years old." It was the best I could do, in an effort to keep Renee in her good graces.

Bree thought about what I told her for a minute then said, "So, can I call you my sister?"

It was a simple question but so fucking complicated. My plan was to do this for Bree, then cut them out of my life like a hot knife gliding through softened butter. There was no way I could have her in my life, but the little girl with half my blood was growing on me-fast. I couldn't build a relationship with her, and then shut her out like her Mom had done to me, especially if she considered me family.

My chest constricted and I took a deep breath in through my nostrils. I refused to lie to her, though, even if it hurt her feelings. I had a feeling this girl had to be patronized enough due to her illness. She didn't need me, grinning at her and fibbing through my teeth like an idiot. "This is complicated, Bree. I don't think your Mom will want anything to do with Seattle after we do this whole thing. I really like you, and I'd love it if we were sisters but, honestly, I don't know if that's possible."

A small smile graced her lips. "I think it will all work itself out. Plus, if you're a match for me, then you'll have to come to Florida for the transplant."

I tried really hard not to look shocked but there was no hiding it. "What? Renee didn't say anything about going to Florida." That was out of the question. If it was going to happen, Bree and Renee would be coming back to Seattle.

Bree smiled and nodded her head, excitement written all over her face. I frowned.

The nurse came in, all business-like, with six empty vials for blood. Her brown face was scrunched into a sneer as if she were getting cheated out of something. Maybe, she wasn't too fond of having to work on an adult since she worked at a Children's Hospital. Perhaps, I was too old for her to enjoy drawing blood from. That was a little disturbing if you asked me.

Susan, whose name I learned by reading it on her name badge, instructed me to hold out my left arm. She wrapped the elastic band around my upper elbow and told me to pump my fist.

"Does it really take six vials of blood for this test?" I tried to smile when I asked but I could feel the panic tighten the muscles of my forehead.

Her black eyebrows flew up as she glanced at me. "Actually, this is for a few different tests so yes, we need all six filled."

Confusion swept over my face and I shifted in my seat a little as Susan poked around my arm for a vein. "What kinds of tests?"

Susan sighed, annoyed at my questions. "If you turn out to be a match, there will be other tests that need to be done: Genetic testing, CBC to make sure you don't have any infections in your blood, and a profile."

I was annoyed with myself that I didn't ask more questions about the procedure and irritated with Renee that she didn't feel the need to go into more detail about it. I'd have to find the time to do some Googling because I'd rather do that than have a discussion with that woman in the waiting room. Maybe Carlisle would be able to answer some questions.

As the nurse popped the needle into my vein, I took a deep breath and avoided looking down. I felt something squeeze my other hand and found Bree's small hand clutching onto mine. Her eyes were worried as she looked over me.

"You look like you're going to pass out," she mumbled.

The nurse didn't even flinch as she replaced one vial with the other.

"I told you that blood isn't a welcome sight for me." My voice was weak, as if I were holding something in. "I think I'm getting a little dizzy." I grunted as the nurse put the last vial on, and gave me an "oh, please!" look. My middle finger twitched as I narrowed my eyes at her.

"There's this boy that I like in my class," Bree said, softly in my ear. "I don't think he knows I exist."

"Well, then, you have to make yourself known," I told her with a small smile. The nurse took the needle out, asked me to bend my arm at the elbow and went to fetch a band-aid.

"How do I do that without looking like the girl with Cancer? The only reason he'd even talk to me is because he'd feel sorry for me." She looked down at her hand that was still holding onto mine. I knew what she was doing and it was the sweetest darn thing in the world. Plus, her attempt to take my mind off the job at hand was actually working. "Sometimes, I think that I'm cursed."

I wanted to laugh at the similarities between the two of us at the age of ten. Cursed is exactly how I felt but for a completely different reason. At the time, my curse seemed like the worst thing that could happen to a young girl. I was wrong. With a little determination and a shit load of practice, I had learned to control my curse. The control that lay in Bree's curse was in some unknown entity's hands. She was doing everything she could to keep her curse from taking her life, and it was possible that it wasn't enough.

A wave of nausea hit me as the nurse latched a Barbie band-aid on my arm and smirked at me. I felt like telling her that Barbie was my favorite in a fuck-off kind of manner but I couldn't muster up the words. Usually, the sight of blood wasn't too bothersome but when someone actually took blood from me and I sat and watched, it knocked me off kilter.

"What's he like? This lucky boy of yours," I mumbled.

She grinned, showing me all her little white teeth. "He's totally cool and really cute."

Of course, he was "totally cool and really cute". It was the standard for Bree's age of crushes and puppy-dog love.

"I don't have much experience with 'totally cool and really cute' guys but I do know that if he doesn't see you for who you are and not for how much hair is on your head, then he's not as cool as you think he is. The key is confidence," I told her, hoping my advice wasn't a load of bull crap.

"Confidence?" She looked confused and I couldn't blame her.

"Yeah, you know, don't let him know that you like him. Find out what he's into and if you are into the same thing, let him know in a not so obvious manner." The nausea was starting to fade-Thank God-so I sat up in the chair.

"He likes music," she said in a light bulb-over-the-head manner. "I like music, too."

I grinned at her. "So, next time you are within hearing distance, strike up a conversation with one of your friends about music. Soon enough, he'll join in the conversation and he'll be so in awe of your musical selection, he'll start asking you about other things."

She smiled sadly and pouted. "Like about what it's like to be bald."

My hand squeezed hers. "Hey, Bree, this disease doesn't define you but it's scary for a lot of people. Sometimes they focus on the more obvious things just so it's not so scary for them, anymore. If you want to really make people comfortable, there's nothing wrong with a little self-deprecating humor."

She blinked at me. The mere presence of her, and the way she carried herself made me forget that she was only ten years old.

I chewed on my lip, trying to think of a way to explain it to her. "Poke a little fun at yourself just to loosen people up. If someone asks about your hair, tell them how easy it is to get ready for school in the morning." She giggled and I laughed with her, the sound a strangled melody that echoed off the tile floor of the room. "If they ask about the Chemo, tell them about the hot doctor that you get to see every time you go for a checkup."

Bree laughed harder. "Doctor Glenn is like fifty and his hair is, like, totally gray."

I stage whispered to her with a smirk on my face, "They don't know that."

**~~AMS~~**

As soon as I stepped in the door of my apartment, I was attacked. The zip and zag and crash of a body into mine, made the air whoosh from my lungs. Strong little arms squeezed me tight around my chest and little mewing noises came of their owner.

"Alice? Are you okay?"

I was terrified of her answer because this had happened one other time and it hadn't been good. There had been a fight with Jasper and it sent her into a downward spiral. It had resulted in five pints of Chunky Monkey ice cream which I inhaled as she watched with crazy eyes from her perch on the couch. I went with the theme of "If I eat it, she will come" but it didn't work. She didn't even look tempted to join me in what I consider a fantastic strategy of dealing with the "he said, she said" part of a relationship. Sometimes I thought about picking a small fight with Edward just so I had an excuse to overload on banana flavored ice cream mixed with nuts and chocolate.

"Bella," she whimpered, her face still full of my hair. "We're going to be sisters."

A gush of breath flew from me and I let out a chuckle. "So, they told you," I grunted. She was small but strong and her arms were like a vice around my chest.

She pulled back, her hands still firmly planted on my shoulders, and smiled at me. "I always knew we belonged together!"

I laughed. "It's not like they're getting married or anything, Al. They're just living in sin for the time being."

Mischief flooded over her expression. "I'll guilt them into it!"

My eyes rolled so far back into my skull that I caught sight of my frontal lobe. "I don't think I could handle seeing them get married."

Her head tilted and for a moment, she resembled a Golden Retriever. "Why?"

I made a disgusted face. "One word: Honeymoon."

Alice mirrored my expression and her hands dropped from my shoulders. "UGH! You just ruined our only hope of being real sisters, Bella!"

I followed her into the kitchen and started preparing some dinner. After putting some water on for boiling, I grabbed two boxes out of the cabinet.

"Ooh, you must have had a rough day if you're calling for Mac & Cheese," she quipped. "And two boxes at that. How'd it go?"

I shrugged a shoulder. "Renee was there with Bree," I replied.

Alice sneered and I loved her for it. "Why? Did she not believe that you would show up?"

"I don't know-something about dealing with the insurance part of it."

"Did she give you any shit?" She held her hand up in the form of a shaking fist. "Because, if she did…"

"I really like Bree," I told her. "It's a shame that her mother is from a hell dimension."

Alice agreed with a laugh. I finished dinner, and we ate while we talked about our plans for the weekend. As usual, I had none and Alice was booked.

"You should come with me," Alice said.

"To Jasper's friend's wedding?" I asked, incredulously.

Alice shrugged. "We _are_ practically sisters."

"Thanks but no thanks," I replied.

After we cleaned up the kitchen, I retired to my room for my favorite part of the day. It had become a tradition: Edward and I called each other every night at 6pm Seattle time which was 8pm Chicago time. He usually went to bed around 9pm, so that gave us an hour to catch up, and possibly have phone sex.

The phone sex was great but it had gotten to the point where there were only so many different ways Edward could tell me what he'd like to do to me. I was also running out of ideas on how to please him via Verizon. We had discussed each other's anatomy so much that I didn't even flush anymore when I huskily whispered the word "cock" into my end of the receiver. In truth, the whole thing was starting to become a little painful. I'd have to go through Alice's Cosmo collection and see if there is a condition for women similar to blue balls. But getting off was not the problem: It was just that my tactile system needed something solid to feel complete in those moments instead of a handful of bedspread. Damn Edward and his husky voice and his long fucking distance-not to mention his great mind for detail.

With a case of the I-haven't-talked-to-my-man-in-twenty-four-hours shakes, I dialed Edward's number and tapped my foot as it rang. Usually, he picked up by the third ring but it went to voicemail. I hung up and the paranoid, obsessive side of me considered calling him again: _What if his ringer is off? What if he's hurt somewhere? What if he's busy at work? What if…_

My phone fell onto my bed with a soft bounce of annoyance as I grabbed a book off my shelf with a huff. I looked down at the book I had grabbed: _Tropic of Cancer_. It was one of my favorite books and I figured it would keep me occupied if I lounged through it, picking out the best vulgar language and the most sinful parts of the storyline. After fifteen minutes of flipping pages and scanning for curse words, I was left unsatisfied. I stared at my cell which was still lying on my bed like a spent whore.

I let the book fall to the floor with a thud and after snapping the phone off my bed, I dialed Edward's number again. Again, it went to voicemail but this time I didn't disconnect. I left him a short message, telling him that I called (no shit!) and to call me when he got a minute. As soon as I disconnected, I wished I had told him I loved him. My finger hovered over the buttons but the reasonable side of me was giving the obsessive side of me a whack in the forehead so I clutched the phone in my palm, and headed back out to the living room.

A few hours later, and no call from Edward, I was wore out from watching the M.A.S.H. marathon. Nothing like a little Hawkeye to get my mind off of being stood up from hundreds of miles away. I don't know how Hotlips kept her distance from the man.

I pulled myself off the couch, brushed my teeth and changed into a pair of shorts and a long sleeved t-shirt. As I lay in bed, eyeing the cell phone on my nightstand with a crazy and paranoid expression, I started to worry. This was so uncharacteristic of Edward. There had been a few times when he had been researching his ass off for work, or his Mom had a bad day when he hadn't been able to call but he had sent me a text. A horrible gut-wrenching feeling swelled in my chest until it flooded through my body and numbed out my arms and legs. I couldn't take it if he was hurt or…

I sat up straight in my bed and grabbed at my phone, reasonable side be damned. My fingers forcibly punched in his number and I listened to the rings with bated breath. Praise the Heavens, he answered!

"Hello?" His voice was weak and course from sleep.

I had to work to control the emotions in my voice because if I let them loose, this call wouldn't start or end well. "Hey," I said, "what's up?"

He took a deep breath and exhaled. "Hey, Bella, I'm sorry I haven't called you back."

I cleared my throat and paused, giving him time for an explanation. When it didn't come, I asked him if he was okay.

"Uh, yeah, I'm…fine."

My eyes narrowed and I leaned back against my headboard. "You're not fine, Edward, I can tell. What's going on?"

He groaned and it wasn't one of those good groans where I had just told him about my new red bikini underwear. It was an exasperated, tired groan that spoke volumes of his current state.

"I talked to my Mom tonight about selling the house and she, uh, didn't take it so well. She made some accusations and called me some pretty unappealing names." His laugh was humorless and his tone a mixture of sadness and frustration. "She thinks that I want the house money for myself. Plus, Gary is being a fucking dick at work. He wants me there tomorrow morning at 6am for a fucking conference call. I really am sorry that I didn't call you, Bella."

"Don't worry about it," I told him, doing my best to hide the hurt in my voice. "I'm sorry about your Mom. She'll come around and you know that she doesn't mean it when she says stuff like that."

"She has to come around or the state is going to seize her house," he said.

"Damn."

"Yeah, I know. I want at least a little control in what happens to that house. If the state takes it, it will just sit and rot for years until someone comes along to bulldoze it."

"Did you tell her that?"

He snorted. "Yeah, and then she fucking called security on me. Told me to get the hell out and never come back."

"Oh, Edward," I whispered. "I'm so sorry."

He sighed. "It's just another thing to add to my fucking list, you know?" I had never heard him sounding so defeated. The sound of it made a lump form in my throat. "I'm at a loss as to what to do with her."

"Did Carlisle talk to her?"

"He's going to try tomorrow but if I couldn't get through to her…" he trailed off, his voice breaking. "This is why I didn't want to call you with this shit."

I straightened up on the bed. "I appreciate your knight-in-shining armor attitude, Edward, but I'm a big girl. I want to be here for you, even when you don't want to talk about it. You don't have to talk about it, you know."

"It's not about underestimating you, Baby. It's kind of like mixing business with pleasure: You're my happy place and right now, the whole city of Chicago is my miserable place. I just want to get out of here for a couple of days." He paused and I waited because my instincts were telling me that he was about to make an offer I couldn't refuse. I was afraid to speak or even cough in case it changed his mind. "Want some company?"

"I'd love some…oh, wait, I don't want you in Seattle. That would be mixing my happy place with my miserable place. God only knows what Renee will do next," I grumbled.

"Oh, shit! How did it go today? Did you go to the hospital?"

"Yeah, and it was fine. They drew some blood and they said we will know in a couple of days. No biggie."

"It is an absolute biggie because you might save a little girl's life, Bella," he responded. "You are so amazing."

I flushed and rolled my eyes. "Anyone would do it."

"No, there are many, many people who wouldn't do it, considering how that woman treated you as a child and how she treats you now. Are you sure you don't want me to come to Seattle? I'd just love to meet that wench."

Hot damn, I loved the protective side of Edward. Almost as much as I loved the angry Edward that made me twitch to hump his leg.

"You know, I did a search one time on the internet and you know what I found?"

His voice became low and husky. "What?"

"There's a town in Montana called Glendive where there is some great hiking."

"I love trees," he responded.

"And there is this great Dinosaur museum..."

"I've always loved dinosaurs."

"And fishing…"

"Fish sticks are awe-inspiring."

"And it's halfway between Seattle and Chicago."

"Now, that's a selling point," he said with a chuckle. "What are you thinking, Bella?"

"Oh, I don't know," I sing-songed, "I might just fly out there this Friday night. You know, dinosaurs are a huge turn on for me. Wish I had someone there to, you know, help me out with that." Even after months of getting off over the phone, my sexy-talk skills were piss poor but luckily, it didn't take much for Edward.

He groaned. "What time do you think you'll be in this Glendive, Montana?"

"Oh, probably by 9pm Seattle time," I told him followed by a silent prayer that I could actually be there at that given time.

The silence was deafening. "Maybe I'll see you there."

I held in an Alice sized squeal and said, "Maybe."

**~~AMS~~**

The Billings International Airport was booming with people on Friday evening. We had agreed to meet at the entrance, and luckily Edward's flight was arriving just short of mine so I'd hoped to fulfill my airport fantasy. You know the one where I see him and he sees me and everything around us freezes in time. We run to each other with open arms, and I when I reach him, I jump on him. My arms and legs wrap around his body, and my lips crash into his so perfectly that we don't even have to think about the kiss. We stay like that for as long as it takes for the ache of missing each other to evaporate or evolve into something else completely.

People shuffled by me, and I searched the terminal for rust colored hair bobbing amongst the heads. After fifteen minutes of searching, I checked my phone for new messages finding nothing. I huffed with impatience even though it was ridiculous. It had only been two weeks since I'd seen that perfect jaw, ran my hands through that messy hair, felt him naked on top of me. Apparently two weeks was way too freaking long to be apart. It was laughable that I thought I could be deprived of him until the end of October. I actually smiled and rolled my eyes when I thought of how silly we had been to make that plan. It felt like a lifetime ago but I see that past self as being naïve, if only about the long distance thing. _The next year was going to be torture._

"Hey, beautiful girl," a smooth voice said from behind me.

I turned around to face tired green eyes and an appealing smirk that sent a rush of relief through my body and made my hoo-ha tingle. My fantasy forgotten, my body reacted on impulse and I threw myself at him, the force knocking him back a foot or two.

He chuckled, the sound like angel's music. "I guess you missed me."

My arms pulled him tightly around the waist and my nose scrunched up in the crook of his neck. He smelled of Ivory soap, and I wondered if we could fit like this into a cab.

"I don't know if I can do this until next spring," I murmured, unsure of if I was talking to myself or the man I was glued to. The collar of his shirt was growing wet from my leaky eyes, and I could feel his chest rising and falling with each breath. His arms were solid, pulling me into him and holding onto me as he inhaled a breath of my hair.

"I made us reservations at a hotel here in Billings," he replied.

I whimpered. "So, I guess that means no dinosaurs?"

His laugh made me smile. "I figured we wouldn't have time for dinosaurs."

With reluctance, I pulled away from him and looked up at him. "What's on your agenda?"

"This..." He leaned down and softly moved his lips against mine, the warmth of his breath drying my tears. "And this…" His hand traveled from my lower back and onto my ass, where it gently massaged and kneaded. My breath caught in my throat and I was close to pushing him onto his back, stripping him naked and going to town on him. "And maybe a little of this…" The scruff on his face rubbed against my cheek as his teeth found my earlobe. I moaned as he nibbled and I pushed my hips into his with the slightest of movements.

He pulled back to look at my face and his smile grew. "Still disappointed about the dinosaurs?"

I let out a rather unladylike grunt. "What dinosaurs?"

The feel of his lips on mine sent me into another dimension. Birds sang on command and deer frolicked carelessly on hills as a Hallelujah chorus played on repeat. In this place-where his lips took me-I was able to dance and I did so wearing a hoop skirt. And for some unknown reason I was blond…and I never had to shave my legs. Then he broke the kiss softly; the birds stopped singing, the deer was mauled by a big black bear and Cyndi Lauper interrupted the Hallelujah chorus.

"I think you're being beckoned by Alice," he whispered, huskily into my ear. Goosebumps rose up on my scalp and I shivered.

Unenthusiastically, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and answered it.

"What?" I asked.

"Damn! You two already doing the nasty?"

My eyes rolled. "Would I answer my phone if we were?"

"Geesh! I feel sorry for Edward," she retorted. "I just called to see if you made it to Nowhere, Montana okay."

"Yes, we are officially in Nowhere, Montana."

"Both of you?"

"Yes, Edward just got done telling me all the plans he had made for our weekend," I said with a grin. Edward had the audacity to look sheepish, as he picked up both of our duffle bags and strapped them around his shoulder.

"Are you seriously going to see dinosaurs?" she asked.

"He didn't mention any in the schedule," I told her.

After a pregnant pause she answered, "Anyway, before you say too much, I just want to make sure that you're careful and you stick with Edward."

"Yes, Mother," I teased.

After I disconnected with Alice, I smiled at Edward.

"I'm so glad we did this," I said.

"Me too, Baby," he said, returning my smile. "Now, let's get you to the hotel before I strip you naked in the middle of the airport."

I made a show of fanning myself. "How far is this hotel?"

He hailed a taxi that was slow moving in the drop-off lane. "I hope its close, for the cab driver's sake."

We piled into the cab and Edward gave the driver the name of the hotel. The driver chatted us up the entire fifteen minutes there, telling us all the attractions of the great city of Billings, Montana. Apparently, we just missed the Blues Festival but we could catch the Broadway Show, "Chicago" which was in still in town. Edward wasn't listening-he was gliding his index finger up and down the inside of my thigh while the fingers of his other hand played with a strap of his duffle bag.

Edward handed the driver some money and we scattered onto the sidewalk in front of the Holiday Inn. After a few moments of staring up at it, he took my hand and led me through the front doors.

"Stay here and I'll check us in," he told me.

"Here, I should pay, it was my idea." I yanked my purse open and shuffled through it for my wallet. "I just have to-"

"No, I got it, Bella."

He started to walk away but I grabbed onto his arm. "It's no big deal-really, just let me find my-"

"Bella!" His tone made my hand freeze as I finally found my wallet inside my mess of a purse. I looked up to see his clenched jaw and shaking fists. Revelation: Angry Edward only made me want to hump his leg when his anger was directed toward someone else. In that moment, I wanted to go fetal and maybe do a little rocking. "I said, that I've got it."

I let go of him and he walked away from me, his posture stiff as he approached the front desk. That, ladies and gentlemen, was weird. Edward had never lost his temper with me, and over something as simple as paying for our stay? _Really? _Something was up with Edward and I only had two days to figure it out.

My eyes closed and I tilted my head toward the sky saying a prayer that my weekend didn't end with Chunky Monkey.

* * *

**A/N: Raise your hand if you love Chunky Monkey! I always blame it for making me go into labor since it was the last thing I ate before my water broke. Anyone have any idea what's up with Edward? Thanks for reading and your reviews are appreciated!**


	26. Chapter 26 An Indecent Proposal

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews and welcome to all my new readers! **

**Disclaimer: SM owns all characters.**

**Chapter song: "Fix You" by Coldplay**

* * *

After Edward checked us in, he was more composed as he stalked across the lobby of the hotel. His muscles were still tense as he grabbed my hand but his jaw was relaxed and his eyes, a mixture of green and red. If I didn't know Edward, I would have blamed his temper on his exhaustion. However, there was dullness in his eyes and tightness to his brows that I had never seen before-and I had seen Edward after two hours of sleep.

We rode the elevator up to the sixth floor where he tugged me off and down the long hallway. The carpet was blood red and the wallpaper was a cream mixed with years of neglect. The air was filled with cleaning chemicals and a mixture of perfumes that had been sprayed in the air by our surrounding guests. It wasn't dirty, by any means, but it wasn't a five star hotel. It was perfect and comfortable; with a roof, four walls and a bed. That was all I needed.

Edward pulled out his keycard when we reached room 611. He slid it through the slot in the door, and with a beep we walked into our home away from home for the next two days. That thought alone was enough to almost completely erase the memory of his anger in the lobby. Almost.

The door shut behind me, and he dropped our bags on the floor with a soft thud. I threw my purse on a chair and stretched my arms over my head. The look on his face when he watched my mouth open wide in a yawn was amusement.

"Sleepy?" he asked.

I raised my brows and continued to stretch my arms. "Oh, not at all," I quipped. "I'm yawning for fun."

He smirked at me and pulled me to his chest. "You want the bathroom first? I think I'm going to hit the shower before we go to bed."

I was disappointed that there wasn't a hint of "join me" or "do you want to watch?" but we were both exhausted and showing it. But no matter how tired I was, I couldn't turn down an invitation like that. The dirty whore in me shrugged her shoulders as I outwardly told him to "go ahead". I carried my bag to the small armchair on the other side of the room as Edward grabbed some clothes out of his bag. I flipped on the TV when he closed the door behind him.

All this relationship stuff was new to me but there had never been questions when it came to being with Edward. It had always been easy…too easy, it seemed. Even with all the spilled secrets and misunderstandings, it had never been difficult to love him. Maybe, that wasn't how it was supposed to be. Maybe, I was doing something terribly wrong and it was time for me to be called out on it.

Something Emmett told me in Miami flashed through my head: _"You have to trust each other." _And that's exactly what I was going to do.

I snapped my mind out of my deep thoughts and turned my attention to the TV. It was an infomercial for Booty Pop Panties: A push up bra for the butt. A strong desire within me made me want one even though I had an untamable rear. I swear to God, those infomercials were hypnotic, creating a trance-like state that put the idea in your head that you needed one no matter what the hell it was. There was a sad point in my life, back in college, which I ended up with six Sham-Wows, an Ab Rocket, and The Clapper. Alice was close to arranging an intervention.

I stood up and turned sideways, checking out my jean-clad rear in the mirror. It did seem rather large but it was perky which I was proud of. The image and thoughts of my naturally curvy behind made me wonder if it was inherited. Charlie's butt was flat and I often wondered how he was able to keep his pants up. That left only Renee who I didn't want to spend enough time with to get to that place. Her ass would just have to stay a mystery to me. I wondered if Bree would grow up with the same booty. Bree. The strangest thing about my relationship with Bree was that I missed her. Probably, it was the shock of having a half-sister out there in the world that I didn't know about but I found that no matter what was going through my head, my thoughts always ended on the little girl with a sarcastic sense of humor and beautiful blue eyes.

As much as I hated to admit it, she was edging closer and closer to that point of no return; the place where I couldn't turn my back on her. The thing was, there was no way in hell Renee was going to be a part of my life. Were they a package deal? Maybe I could do the long distance thing with Bree until she had enough independence to do things without her Mother. However, the whole situation with Edward had proved that long distance relationships sucked major balls. And that was _with_ phone sex.

The door to the bathroom clicked open, and Edward walked out followed by a cloud of steam. I frowned at the t-shirt and sweatpants that covered him up.

"Your turn," he said, a polite grin on his face.

My hand swept across his abdomen as I passed him, and he avoided my eyes. I couldn't get a read on his mood and it was unsettling. _Was he angry? Was he nervous? Was he too exhausted for sex and didn't want to tell me?_

While I scrubbed my head with hotel shampoo, my devious mind thought of a dirty little trick. I quickly washed, and rinsed off with a small smile keeping form on my mouth. Drying off was not part of my plan but the bath towel was, so I wrapped it sloppily around me, gathering a handful of it between my breasts.

Edward's eyes widened when I walked out of the bathroom. He was sitting casually on the bed with his bare feet crossed at the ankles, his back against the wall. Who could resist a naked, wet and obviously horny girlfriend?

"Should I get dressed?" I asked with a naughty smile on my face.

He flushed. He actually flushed after all the dirty talk over the phone about where he'd like to put his cock and how much he missed what I tasted like. His beautiful face actually turned the color of a tomato over the thought of his girlfriend, naked. It would have been cute in some other world but in that moment, it was frustrating the hell out of me. I wanted to be jumped, attacked, anything because he hadn't touched me above my clothes in two weeks. That's what guys were supposed to do, right? Crave sex so bad that when the offer was presented in front of them-sopping wet-they instinctively jumped on it?

"It might get cold in here, Bella," he mumbled. "You should wear something to bed."

_What. The. Fuck._

I narrowed my eyes. "Fine," I spat. I stomped over to my bag in same fashion Nickolas Harper had done last week in my classroom when Adelyn Gruber stole his red crayon. The towel dropped from my body, and I chanced a glance in his direction. Luckily, for my sanity's sake, he was watching the way my body moved as I yanked on my clothes. When I was dressed, I asked, "Do you want me to sleep on the floor or do I get to share the bed?"

His eyebrows rose almost to his hairline, and his eyes shifted around the room. "Actually, the couch would probably be more comfortable than the floor."

My jaw dropped and I flung the first thing I grabbed at his head, which happened to be a tennis shoe. The unfortunate thing wasn't the fact that the heel of my shoe caught him square in the forehead. The worst thing was the way the bathroom door slammed shut without being touched and the sound of the ashtray shattering against the wall. I had gotten angry and failed to control it for the first time in a number of years. It felt really, really good. My Lamaze breathing forgotten, I felt the rush of anger pull at my muscles and my brain responded without control.

"I was only joking, Bella," he mumbled. His eyes were glued to the shattered glass on the floor by the door. My shoe was being clutched in his hands as if he could defend himself with it if I went all _Carrie_ on his ass.

Now that the gust of euphoric anger had passed through me, worry began to take it's place. Edward was realizing that this is what would happen if we got into an argument or even harmlessly joked with me. I was too much like that ashtray, fragile and ready to explode at the most inopportune moment.

"Sorry," I whispered.

"I may have deserved it." He smirked at me and held his hand out, inviting me to join him on the bed.

"Oh, so you don't want me to sleep on the couch?" I wasn't so concerned with his thoughts that I hadn't remembered the origin of our argument.

He rolled his eyes and flicked his fingers in a come hither sort of gesture. "I told you that I was joking, sweetheart. Why would I want you to sleep on the couch?"

With my feet firmly planted on the floor in an act of rebellion, I crossed my arms over my chest. "Ever since we argued about paying for the room, you haven't been the same."

His forehead crinkled and he pressed his lips together before answering, "I haven't?"

I uncrossed my arms, unplanted my feet and crawled across the king-sized bed on my knees. When I reached him, he grabbed my hand and pulled it onto my lap.

"You know that you haven't so don't try and pretend that everything is fine. Don't try to fake me out because it won't work." I ran my fingers through his damp hair and he closed his eyes at the touch. "I feel like…like you don't want me."

His eyes snapped open. "Christ," was all he said as he tugged me to him and onto his lap. My knees embraced his hips and my lips found his.

That palms of his hands floated over my back and he pulled me flush against him, my chest pressing on his. I felt him harden against my core, and he grunted as I tried to push my tongue into his mouth. My body turned into that of a nymphomaniac as I clawed at the shoulders of his t-shirt and wiggled over him until he fit perfectly against me. The groan that came out of me was needy and desperate and past-due. I thought I was home free, the anticipation of having the hardest part of him, pushing and pounding into me, made me grin on his mouth.

With a slow, careful movement his hands rode up my arms and firmly pressed into my shoulders. At first, I thought he was losing control and I moved against him, a smug feeling of pride bursting through me but then something shifted. And it wasn't a body part. He stilled my movements by gripping my shoulders and broke our kiss with one last gentle pull.

"What's wrong?" My hands found their way into his hair, my nails scratching lightly against his scalp.

He shook his head slightly. "Nothing, I'm just exhausted."

The bags under his bloodshot eyes and the slow moving blinks of his lids made his statement believable but the long, thick part of him that mattered to me in that moment was full of life. I reached down and slid the back of my hand up his length, and he let his head fall back against the wall with a groan.

"You really don't have to do much," I said, with a quirked brow. "You can just lay back and…" I wanted to say something sexy like "enjoy the ride" but his expression froze my lips. He looked sad and pitiful.

On the plane ride to Montana, I pictured myself naked and full of Edward in every hope that passed through my mind. Now, I as I straddled him and felt his fingers curl around my wrist to pull my hand away from his erection, I felt betrayed: As if something had been taken away from me.

"I'm sorry, Bella, but…I just can't-not tonight," he mumbled. The only thing keeping me from stomping my foot and pressing him for answers were those green eyes that were focused on mine. It was the same look he had on that first night in Miami: Drained, almost lifeless.

"Would you just let me hold you?" he asked.

There were so many things I wanted to say, so many questions I wanted to ask but none of them made the long journey from my temporal lobe to my mouth. So I nodded, and scooted off his lap in silence. With the lights turned out, we slid under the sheets and found each other in the dark. His chest was warm against my back, and his arm held me against him as if I would float away in a dream. Soon after, his breathing deepened and the sound of that signature soft snore ended the silence.

But I was wide awake. Rejection was a bitch.

**~~AMS~~**

The next morning I woke up, and smiled at the feel of warmth that lay next to me the bed. I stretched my legs and purred at the feel of my muscles extending and my bones cracking. With a deep inhale, I took in the smells around me: hotel soap, Edward, coffee.

_Oh, dear God in heaven, someone brought us coffee._

"You are the most beautiful sight to wake up to." My eyes popped open at the sound of his voice and I blinked my sight into focus. He was dressed for the day, leaning over me and grinning. My chest hardened at the memory of the night before and I wanted to close my eyes again in fear of the day to come. I had a feeling it wasn't going to be all hot, sweaty sex and post-coital cuddles this weekend. "Have I ever told you that?"

"Compliments in the morning make me suspicious," I grumbled. "Especially when combined with coffee."

His face lit up as he laughed. "I'll try to remember that."

I sat up in bed, the weight of my hair causing me temporary embarrassment. Falling asleep with wet hair: Never a good idea. There was a huge breakfast set up on the small table by the TV, and my mouth dropped open. Edward continued his grinning as he watched me wake up and take it all in.

My eyes wandered to the floor by the door. "The ashtray is gone."

His smile faltered a little and he blinked at me. "Yeah, I…uh…cleaned it up this morning." The bed squeaked as he rose off the mattress and walked over to the smorgasbord of food. "Hungry? There's a continental breakfast that comes with the room so I went down before they closed it up. I wasn't sure what you'd want so I got a little of everything. I only got back a few minutes ago so it should still be a little warm. If not, I can go out and get you something."

I smiled up at him. "You're not bad to wake up to, yourself."

His gaze hardened a little but kept the smile glued to his face as his whole body twitched into motion. He grabbed a paper plate and started filling it up with an assortment of foods, and some plastic utensils. When he was done he put it carefully in front of me on the tangle of comforter.

"This looks great!" I said. There was pancakes, scrambled eggs and bacon on the plate in front of me. "Thank you."

He put the coffee on the nightstand beside me: Cream, no sugar-just the way I like it. Then he went back to the food and picked at it, putting some bacon in his mouth and eating it. I studied him, wondering if the night before was just a lapse in my sanity but there was still something uneasy about the air that settled between us. Even though he had gotten sleep and his mood was considerably better, there was still something off. I watched him carefully sit down beside me on the bed with a strip of bacon between his fingers.

"How's it going with Renee?" he asked.

I stopped chewing for a moment. "Uh, just as crappy as always, I guess. We still haven't heard about the test results but I feel like I'm walking on hot coals until I find out."

"You haven't heard from her since they drew blood at the hospital?" I shook my head and sipped on my coffee. "What happens if you're a match?"

"I'm trying not to think about it." He glanced at me sideways and furrowed his brow. "I mean, it's hard not to but Bree said something about going to Florida if I'm a match. Not that it would have made a difference in my decision but Renee never said anything about going to Florida for the transplant."

We sat in silence as that information sunk in. I hadn't really given it much thought since Bree had mentioned it, mostly because I was almost certain I wouldn't be a match for her. I hoped that I was but I was only her half-sister. If her own parents weren't matches, what was the chance that I would be the one to help her overcome this disease.

"If you decide to go to Florida, you can't go alone," he said, his expression serious. "If Alice can't go, have Rosalie or Emmett go with you."

A sharp pain ran through my chest and instinctively my hand covered my heart. I understood that he had a lot on his plate, but the lack of his offer to go with me was so unlike him. As my stomach churned, I pushed my plate away toward the end of the bed, no longer hungry.

"What's wrong? Is it cold? I can go-"

"No, it's fine." I managed a small smile. "I'm going to go shower."

"What did you want to do today?"

_Find out what's making you goofy and kick its ass. _"I don't care."

"I'll go down to the front desk and see if they have any recommendations."

I didn't answer him as I pulled clothes out of my bag: I had only brought yoga pants and an extra large hooded sweatshirt since I never imagined we'd be leaving our damn hotel room. A burst of anger rushed through me and I closed my eyes to breath before anything else followed the ashtray into the decoration heaven. I felt like a complete and total girl, and I wasn't sure if my hormones were making me sensitive and irrational. I never needed a man to kiss me or desire me to feel like myself, but around him, I did. He had never been really spontaneous when we were intimate but there was always this fire in his eyes when he touched me or looked at me. As if just looking at me made him feel something. Instead, I got something completely different when he looked into my eyes. He seemed anxious and distant-and it was fucking ruining my weekend with him. He couldn't keep things from me, even if it would end up hurting me. I grew angry at that thought, simply because we had had this talk before. I was his happy place and Chicago made him miserable-I got that but I would not be left in the dark about parts of his life no matter what it was. I could be an escape for him but not in itself. There was so much more to us than that.

"You okay?" he asked.

I opened my eyes and grabbed my toiletries bag. "Yeah, fine."

"You sure you don't want me to get you something else to eat?"

"No," I said, turning around and walking toward the bathroom, "I'm good."

He smiled at me as I passed, a small smile that barely pulled up the corners of his mouth. I stopped and studied him carefully: The outline of his stubble covered jaw, the creases on his forehead, and the pain in his eyes.

"I love you," I told him

He grabbed my hand with both of his, rubbing it as if he were warming it up. "I love you, too."

I had to admit: No matter what his actions portrayed, I believed the words he had just spoken to me.

"Are you okay?" I asked him.

The Adam's Apple in this throat bobbed as he swallowed. "Honestly?"

"Of course," I said, my head tilted to the side. His hands moved to release mine but I held on for dear life.

He drew in a deep breath through his mouth and choked on the exhale. "I really don't know." His gaze traveled to the window, but there was nothing to see because the curtains were drawn together.

"What can I do?" He shook his head quickly. "This is killing me, Edward. I can tell that you're going through something but you won't let me in. Why won't you let me in?"

He looked up at me, his eyes glassy and red. "Can we talk about this later? I…I really want to just be with you today and if I talk about all this shit, I'll ruin it."

I wanted to tell him that keeping it inside would ruin it just the same. Groans and screams and growls built up in my voice box as I prepared to unleash my "Why's" and "Who's" and "When's" of the difficulties in his life but I didn't. Instead, I nodded at him because his eyes were pleading with me to just let it be.

"Promise me that we'll talk later," I said.

He squeezed my hand tightly before finally breaking the contact. "I promise."

The shower was quick and fruitless-the showerhead mocking me by the barely-there water pressure. It laughed at me in uneven spurts of water, reminding me of how easy it used to be when I was in complete control of my orgasms. Now that I'd had an Edward induced big-O, I wondered if the showerhead would ever do it for me again. Hopefully, I'd never have to find out but by the torment written all over his face, I had some doubts.

It made me realize, as I got out of the shower and dried off, how big a part of my life he was, even though he lived hundreds of miles away from me. If he were to tell me today that he didn't have room for me in his life, I don't know how I would react. I couldn't say that I'd be surprised, given his circumstances, but my interior would crack. Permanently, I feared.

After drying my hair, I put on some eye makeup and got dressed in my fantabulous outfit that screamed "Getting out of bed for a special trip to Walmart!". I took a deep breath and prepared myself for an unpredictable and stressful day. Not exactly what I had in mind when I jumped on the airplane less than twenty four hours ago.

"Sorry about the outfit," I told him, after stepping out of the bathroom. "I didn't plan on actually leaving the room."

He had the decency to look a little guilty and then replied, "You always look good."

I wasn't sure whether he was trying for forgiveness or if he actually meant it so I didn't respond.

We headed for the streets of Billings, looking for diversions and an unexciting adventure. I was in awe of the city: The high buildings filled with offices, the small business shops offering hiking and fishing gear, and the kindness of the strangers who passed us. The residents seemed content with their city, happy even as random people smiled at us or held doors open behind them. Perhaps it was the way the crisp air sliced into nostrils, the backdrop of snow-capped mountains, or the neighborhood Elk that lounged in front yards that made the people of Billings seem welcoming. Whatever it was, I wanted some.

Edward seemed more like himself once we were out and about. He made silly jokes, told me an Esme story involving an iron, a grilled cheese, and one of his white dress shirts, and even let his hand graze over my behind as we walked. I was feeling better about us, but there was still a look behind his eyes that made me panic when I looked into them. Now, I was more worried about him than about our relationship especially when he would grow quiet and his brow would deepen. It was the same look he got when he initially told me about his Mom's illness.

After a short walk around the city, we stopped for lunch at a small restaurant called McCormick Café. It was quaint and perfect. I ordered a salad since I had spent a considerable amount of time looking at my arse the night before in the mirror. The image of the Booty Pop Panties flashed into my mind, and I knew I had ordered the right thing. However the "Cobb" part of the title did in fact cancel out any healthiness that the greens offered. Bacon bits were the heart of the salad and Ranch dressing was key in balancing off the bitter aftertaste of the Blue Cheese. Perfection!

"Is your Mom handling the house issue any better?" I took a sip of Raspberry tea and then a bite of a breadstick.

Edward avoided my eyes and shook his head. "Nope-I'm still banned from visitation, along with Carlisle."

"Damn," I replied. "She'll come around."

He didn't answer but instead changed the subject from his least favorite to my least favorite. "When did they say you'd know about the test results?"

"Monday, probably."

His lips curved around the opening of his beer bottle and he took a long pull. "What are you going to do if you aren't a match for her?"

I popped an eyebrow. "What do you mean? I'm not going to do anything. I tried and it didn't work." I held my hands up in a what-the-hell-was-I-supposed-to-do gesture with my palms facing the sky.

"What if Bree wants to get to know you better? Are you going to keep talking to her?" he asked.

I shook my head. "I don't think so." He shot me a skeptical look and I rolled my eyes. "I really like her but there's no way I can…there's no way that I will have Renee in my life. I wouldn't be a good sister to her if all I thought about was how much I hate her Mom when we're talking."

"Is that what you think about now when you talk to her?" he asked.

I sighed. "No, but I think a lot about her being sick. If…when she gets better, my thoughts would probably revolve in that direction."

Edward grinned and pointed at me with the spout of his bottle. "By the way, you would; you'd be an awesome sister to that little girl."

"What makes you say that?"

He looked a little bored with my question but he humored me with an answer. "You have a heart of gold, Bella, and Bree would be lucky to have you in her life. Anybody would."

I waved a hand at him. "Oh, you do flatter me, Mr. Masen; do continue."

He laughed: A full hearty laugh that lit up his entire face. Something he hadn't done since we arrived at the hotel and I felt rather proud of myself for being the cause of it.

"Seriously, Bella, you'd be a great role model for her but don't pressure yourself into conversing with her. Don't do it if you think it's going to turn into something that you dread." His smile fell as he said it then added, "We all have to draw a line somewhere."

The next few hours went by quickly as time always did when we were together. We found a park where a group of kids were battling it out in a football game-flag style. Edward wrapped his arm around me as we planted ourselves on the ground to watch the little guys and girls run around with padding on their shoulders that matched the size of their heads. Parents cheered them on, even when they didn't get very far or they lost the ball completely. A concession stand in the corner was packed, selling hot dogs and sugary snacks to the fans of the teams. We laughed at a little boy who scored a touchdown and wiggled his hips to the beat of a song he heard only in his head.

"I didn't know that there were touchdown dances in flag football!" Edward exclaimed.

I laughed and nuzzled closer to him. "I know! This is better than entertainment some people pay to see."

When the game was over, we wandered back to our hotel and a dark cloud seemed to follow Edward through the lobby. I hated to see him like this, and I felt guilty for it but I refused to be kept in the dark about any part of his life. Edward was going to have to cowboy up.

"Hey," I said, as I made a grab at his hand in the elevator, "Whatever is going on, we'll get through it."

His smile barely made the corners of his mouth twitch but what I saw in his eyes brought me relief. There was adoration and thankfulness and…holy shit…was that passion?

Before I knew what was happening, he pulled me against him with determination and his lips crashed into mine with urgency. When I found my bearings, I wrapped my arms around his neck and reveled in the feel of him, wanting me and desiring me like my body contained what he needed to keep him from freefalling into a cold abyss of thorns and fire. His fingertips dug into my back, then into my hips as he deepened the kiss. Our tongues met and we moaned in unison as he hardened into my belly.

The elevator dinged and I broke free from his lips only long enough to pull him down the hallway. I found our room, slid in the key card and laughed as the green light lit up and Edward pushed me into our room. The weight of him, pressing into my backside, was making my hands shake with anticipation as I fumbled with the elastic around my waist, yanking my pants down in an effort to get naked as soon as fucking possible.

Edward laughed. "Wait, Bella, your shoes. You have to get your shoes off, first."

Silently, I kicked them off along with my pants that had gathered around my ankles. As I stripped off my sweatshirt, I could hear the distinct sound of a zipper and his pants being dropped behind me. When I turned around, I suddenly felt overdressed as Edward came toward me without a stitch on him.

This was what I wanted, I thought as he attacked me with his body. His fingers worked at my bra strap until it came undone, and his mouth latched onto my nipple with a groan. I let my head fall back and just let myself feel him, sucking and licking me. His arms were wrapped around my back, supporting most of my weight since my muscles had already started to tremble. Warmth and wetness pooled between my legs and my breath was coming in uncontrollable pants.

"Oh my…Jesus, Edward." I ran my fingers through his hair, tugging and scraping with my nails as his mouth moved to my other breast. My free nipple puckered and glowed in the dim light of the setting sun that was peeking between the closed curtains. "That feels incredible."

He released his grip on me, edged his fingers under the elastic of my panties and glided them down my legs. I moved past him toward the bed, pulling his hand and he followed me, the soft tip of his hard length bobbing against my hip as we moved. A shiver ran through me when he whispered in my ear, "I want to take you from behind."

I moaned and looked over my shoulder, put my hand on the nape of his neck and forced his mouth to mine. His hand traveled down my tummy, over my pelvis and into the hot wetness between my legs. He groaned as his fingers explored, going all Lewis and Clark on me as if he had never touched me there before.

He broke the kiss so his lips could explore my neck. "You're so wet, Baby."

I leaned my head back on his shoulder as his thumb started to move in a steady rhythm in just the right spot. "Only for you," I whispered. I tried to sound sexy in times like this but to me; I sounded like an elderly woman whose goal in life was putting away a pack of Pall Malls a day. Hopefully, I was wrong.

When Edward put one of his fingers inside me, I arched my back and dug my fingernails into the back of his neck. His thumb continued it's delicious pace and I reached my free hand back, blindly finding his erection with my palm. I slid my hand up and down his length, keeping the same pace as he was with me. It was similar to a fast heartbeat, and it made both of us writhe against each other's bodies: a divine sort of torture.

"I need inside you," he whispered huskily into my ear.

He didn't have to tell me twice.

I leaned forward, whimpering at the feel of his finger leaving the tightness of my body but rejoicing in the anticipation of feeling the hardest part of him deep inside me. With each of my hands clutching a hand full of blanket, and my knees pressing into the mattress I felt the tip of him at the juncture between my legs. He climbed onto the bed behind me, spreading my legs further apart with his knees.

He entered me hard and fast, tenderly but needy and I yelled out his name as he ran his hand over one side of my rear and up my back in a soft sweeping motion. I turned to look over my shoulder and the look on his face tightened the ache in my belly until it was almost painful. His face contorted into pleasure as his eyes looked upon me like he was sure he was dreaming. I knew in that moment that if Edward wasn't who I grew old with then it would be no one at all.

The hand that wasn't squeezing my backside, circled around my hip continued the ministrations that his thumb was doing before I had climbed on the bed. That combined with the feel of him pumping into me, the sound of him grunting behind me forced me over the edge and I came hard, pulsing around him. My elbows gave out and my back arched causing Edward to let out a deep throaty groan.

"Shit, Bella, I love you so much," he said, his voice hoarse and deep.

I wanted to tell him the same but I wasn't able to form the words. Every muscle in my body was shaking and wobbling as he continued to pound into me, his movement growing erratic with each thrust. If I had the energy and was able to turn around, I was willing to bet that his face would be scrunching up and I would get the amazing view of his "close face". Sure enough, with three hard drives into me, he collapsed on my back and shuddered as he gave control of his body over to the orgasm that rocked through him.

He rolled off me and pulled me to his chest, the rapid pace of his breathing was a testament to the energy he had just expelled into our lovemaking. I ran my fingers over his chest and stomach, the tip of my index finger investigating his belly button.

"Thank you," I told him. "I needed that: Mentally and physically."

He sighed. "I'm sorry that I didn't…that I wasn't…" he trailed off.

"You mean last night?" I felt him nod against my forehead. "It's okay. I learned something new about myself."

"What's that?"

"I'm really sensitive when it comes to rejection," I replied.

He groaned; not a good groan. An I-feel-all-kinds-of-fucking-guilty groan. "Don't say it like that! I didn't reject you, I was just tired."

"You might as well have told me that you had a headache." I grinned against his chest.

He huffed. "I really was exhausted but I had a lot on my mind, too. It's just that I wanted this to be special and if we made love last night, it would have felt tainted. Like poison from me would seep into you somehow by physical contact."

I screwed up my face. "What do you mean?"

"I was thinking about my Mom a lot and stuff going on in Chicago. I didn't want to use you as a distraction from it because I don't want to look back on any moment with you and feel as if I've…used you in some way." I thought about this silently, and seeing his side of things in a whole new light. He took my silence as fear, apparently. "Not that I'd ever use you, Bella. That didn't sound right at all. What I meant was-"

I let my fingers wander into the soft trail of hair beneath his belly button as I cut him off. "I know what you mean and I understand. It's sweet that you feel that way." I kissed the side of his chest and he pulled me impossibly closer to him.

"Can I ask you something?" He nodded. "What got you so upset in the lobby last night when we got here?"

His body tensed and the tips of his fingers dug into the flesh on my arm. "It's stupid, really, and I'm sorry about that."

"Obviously, I did something that-"

He cut me off. "No, you didn't do anything. It's just…" he sighed, trying to find the balance between saying the right words and the wrong ones. "I got angry that you…shit, this is hard…I was pissed that you didn't think I had the money to pay for it."

I sat up on my elbow and looked at him. He glanced at me briefly before turning his gaze to the ceiling. "That's not why I wanted to pay. I wanted to pay because it was my idea to meet here."

He looked at me again and tilted his head to the side. "Honestly, Bella, tell me that the thought didn't cross your mind about my financial problems with my Mom."

I scrunched up my face. "Maybe a little but I want to help, Edward! It's not a big deal!"

His arm left my shoulder and he rose up from the bed as if I had just told him that a nest of fire ants had just taken refuge in my vagina. I sat up, leaning back on my hand and watched him pull on his boxers.

"It is a big deal to me," he growled.

I scoffed as he started pacing beside the bed. "This isn't the 1950's, Edward! It isn't your job to pay for everything and-"

"I want to take care of you," he said. I opened my mouth to respond but he held his hand up to stop me. "I want to take care of you and it kills me to know that I can't do that properly. I don't even know when I will be able to and until then, I feel like…" he trailed off, his gaze fixed on mine.

"You feel like what?"

"I feel worthless to you. You deserve better than me, with my fucked up priorities and half-ass education." He was spitting the words and I pulled the blanket around me as he continued to pace. "I never minded taking care of my Mom until I met you."

I recoiled and felt a stab of pain go through my chest.

He shook his head at my reaction. "No, I didn't…I meant that my Mom was always the most important person in my life before." He paused. I watched him struggle with words, a helpless feeling washed over me and I wanted to just tell him to stop but he needed to say this. "Then I fell in love with you and she's become this…this obligation that is draining me. When I look at her, I see less and less of my Mom but more and more of someone who is keeping me from living my life. This thing with the house is just the damn straw that broke the camel's back. Then, at the end of the day, when I'm laying in bed, I feel like an absolute pile of shit for thinking like that."

"You're doing too much, Edward. You need…" Hell, I didn't know what he needed but he needed something. I looked around the hotel room as if the answer would fly out of a crack in the wall or an old fortune cookie long forgotten underneath the nightstand.

"You are what I need, Bella, and here you are: Beautiful and smart and kind. You are someone who should have run from me when you had the chance." He reached down and grabbed his jeans off the floor. "I'm not stupid. I've seen what Esme has had to give up so that Carlisle could do what he did for my Mom. It terrifies me to think that you're going to sacrifice for me, and you'll end up hating me for it."

I shook my head. "I could never hate you!" He yanked on his jeans with a doubtful look on his face. I dropped the sheet and crawled over to him, modesty be damned, and took his face in my hands. "I love you and there is nothing that is more important to me than you. Do you think that you're not sacrificing for me?"

He scoffed. "Tell me, Bella, I need a good laugh. What exactly am I sacrificing for you?"

"This entire weekend was sacrificed for me. You could be dealing with the house issue or trying to get through to your Mom or-"

"That's ridiculous," he grumbled. "I couldn't even be there for you during one of the most difficult days of your life. Didn't you feel cheated when you looked Renee in the face, reached for my hand and it wasn't there? I should have fucking been there!"

"I knew you lived in Chicago when I started falling in love with you," I hissed. "I'm not a fucking idiot, Edward, and I don't expect you to fly to Seattle every time I have a difficult time with something."

"You deserve someone who could, Bella." He pulled his shirt over his head as his glassy eyes stared down at me. A lump formed in my throat and I covered my aching chest with my hand. I wasn't sure what he was saying but I wasn't going to let him finish it. "I wish I could-"

"Marry me, Edward!" My eyes widened along with his after I blurted it out but there was no way in hell I was taking it back. When his mouth hung open in mid-sentence as if he had been frozen in time, I said it again. "Marry me."

His eyeballs were absurdly close to popping out of his skull. "What?"

Three times the charm. "Marry me; should I get down on one knee because I'm naked and I think nudity says a lot about a proposal."

"Are you serious?"

A tear slipped out of my eye and dripped down my cheek. "I've never been more fucking serious about anything in my life."

He looked at the floor, searching for that invisible fortune cookie that I had had no luck with. "After…even after…" I had a funny feeling he wasn't talking to me but to himself.

"I can't live without you, Edward," I pleaded.

He looked back up at me. "Are you just asking me this because you're afraid of losing me or do you really want to…"

I rose from the bed and walked over to him. My hands found his at his sides and I grabbed onto them. "Before I met you, marriage never even crossed my mind but now that you're in my life, I feel like it's…I know it sounds crazy…but I feel like it's what I'm here for. It's not an answer to any of our problems but I know it will make my life feel a little less like sandpaper if I know you're there to help me through it."

He stared into my eyes, searching and hopefully finding what he was looking for. Then he held his finger up in a hold-on-a-minute fashion, dropping my hands in the process. The fingers of his other hand went through his hair causing most of it to flatten toward the right side of his head.

"No…uh…no…just…this isn't…" he stuttered. "Just…uh…get dressed and I'll be right back."

Before I could say anything, he was out the door and I was left standing in my birthday suit.

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**A/N: Let me know what you think! Please! I'm not the type of person who thinks jumping into something as serious as marriage is a good idea so I'm pretty nervous about everyone's response. What do you think Edward will say? Thank you so much for reading and I adore everyone who gives me feedback! THANK YOU!**


	27. Chapter 27 Conversation

**A/N: Thank you for ALL your reviews! FYI-I posted links on my profile for all the chapter songs for AMS in case anyone is interested. Thanks for reading!**

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer is the genius who created Twilight. I am not.**

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For a good five minutes, I stared at the closed door to the hotel room. I wasn't sure what I expected from it; maybe in the back of my mind, I thought maybe an answer would reveal itself on the chipped beige paint. Like those magic eight balls: Ask it a question, give it a good shake and you find out that you're never meant to find the love of your life. Perhaps if I gave it time, big bold letters would magically form in the wood saying something like, "Pack your shit and go home" or "He's never coming back". Hell, I would have settled for, "Yoga pants…really?"

After the five minutes were up, I pulled on my clothes with a sigh and sat down on the bed. My heart was still thumping in my chest and my hands were doing some weird shaking thing. It was too quiet so I turned on the TV to calm my nerves. It was some action movie but it didn't matter because my attention was still focused on the closed door to the room. It was hard not to flinch at every noise that I heard in the hallway or hold my breath waiting for him to come back.

If_ he came back…he had to come back, right?_

I didn't take any of it back but I wondered if he was taking shelter in a bar right now, drinking until he had no memory of the conversation. Marriage was something we had never discussed and his thoughts were a mystery to me. In fact, my own words had shocked the hell out of me when I said it because getting married wasn't in my life plan, so to speak. However, something about what Edward said made my stomach tighten and my throat close up. He thought he was worthless to me and that he didn't deserve me. Sure, our relationship wasn't ideal and it wasn't perfect but whose was?

Memories flooded my mind: Poolside at Miami, the alley where I was attacked, getting caught in the rain with my pants down. Then I thought further back on my nights spent alone, in Seattle, accepting the fact that this would be how I spent the rest of my life. I used to think of the future with anxious terror: When would Alice move out and leave me bubbling in my stew of chopped crazy and boiled seclusion. I would live out the rest of my life, alone and terrified that something would set me off. The aloneness didn't necessarily bother me as much as the resolve that I was no one. My life mattered to no one. I used to have visions of my own funeral with a total attendance of three-including a jaded Charlie who was only there because what kind of father didn't show up at his only daughter's funeral.

Things had changed. I had changed and it wasn't about Renee, or Bree or even Charlie. Sure, those things in my life were novel and life-changing but that wasn't the reason that I was comfortable in my own skin. They weren't the cause of the smile on my face, when I woke up in the morning, or the way I breathed easy at night as I fell asleep.

Edward had stirred something inside of me that had been dormant for what felt like my entire life, like a missing puzzle piece. It sounded silly to get all Jerry McGuire but he completed me in a way that I never thought possible. Love was an asinine word to use, it seemed. Alice had told me that we were soul mates and at the time I scoffed at her but now…now it seemed like an appropriate term to use.

The simple truth of the matter was that I wanted to marry Edward. I wanted to be his wife and the thought of calling him my husband made my heart swell in my chest. Our picket fence might be beige instead of white and our 2.5 kids might have fur and drag things out of the trash every once in a while but it would be perfect. I scowled at the closed door to the room which offered me none of the magical answers I yearned for.

I glanced at the TV, turned the channel and grinned a little. Archie Bunker was on one of his kicks and Edith was there to show him faithful support. My grin grew when I thought that The Bunkers had nothing on us, and I had always envied their relationship. Archie's grouchiness being balanced by Edith's sweetness was Yin and Yang, and at the end of the day there was nothing they wouldn't do for each other. Then I remembered that it was possible there was no "us" since I had just blabbed out a proposal in the middle of an argument. _Who does that? _

With a harsh click on the remote, I shut the TV off and lay back on the bed. It was quiet and the sound of the shower running in the room next door was unsettling. Someone else was living and here I was, waiting for an answer for the most important question I had ever asked someone. With a rush of energy, I rolled off the bed and grabbed my cell phone off the nightstand.

My fingers were determined as they punched in the numbers. I wasn't sure why I was calling this particular number but it didn't matter because it didn't ring. Instead, my ear filled up with heavy beeps of a busy signal. Then I racked my brain, trying to figure out who the hell would call Charlie at 8pm on a Saturday night. It was probably Mary, calling her euchre buddies to confirm the Sunday get-together. I had been invited but I respectfully declined every time. However, I made a promise to her to learn the game to take my mind off the side effects of Menopause when I reached the euchre playing age. She scowled at me in return.

I punched in a different number and immediately got an answer.

"Hello?" Alice's voice sent a wave of relief through me even though she had said nothing yet to calm me down.

"I did something," I said. "Something very uncharacteristic of me and I may need some Chunky Monkey when I get home."

She was silent before answering, "You don't sound upset."

I scoffed. "Not yet, I'm not." She waited for me to continue and I took a deep breath in through my nostrils before mumbling it out in one long breath. "IproposedtoEdward."

Now, I expected some squealing and possibly some scolding but what I got in return was a question expelled in a calm, un-Alice-like tone. "What did he say?'

I was a little puzzled at her reaction. "That's it? You're not going to yell or scream or make promises to slap me around when I get home?"

"Why would I do that?" She asked in a what-the-fuck sort of way.

My eye roll was useless considering the fact that she'd never see it. "Tell me that we barely know each other or we don't live in the same state or you could even throw out the fact that we are both sort of mentally unstable."

A chipper laugh filled up the phone. "None of that is true, except for the living in separate states thing. Did you mean it when you proposed?"

"Of course I meant it," I replied.

"Okay, here's where all the squealing and screaming come into play: What did he say?"

"He told me to wait a minute and then he left," I told her. "What the hell does that mean?"

"He didn't give you an answer? He just left you there?" I could tell her tone was heading in the direction of screaming.

"I did kind of spring it on him in the middle of an argument."

There was a pause as I imagined the grimace she was contorting her face into. "What were you arguing about?"

"He doesn't think he's good enough for me and I disagreed."

"So you proposed to prove that you love him?"

With a sigh, I rubbed my hand over my face. "No, I proposed because I want to marry him."

"I have to be honest here, Bella. There is a good chance that he might say no," she said.

A pain went through my chest as if Edward was the one muttering the last word to me. Alice read my silence correctly, and instantly went into recovery mode.

"He's a great guy and if he doesn't think he's good enough for you, there's no way he's going to promise to take care of you the rest of your life. There's no question that he adores you but he's smart and stubborn. You just have to prepare yourself." My eyes filled with tears and my bottom lip started to tremble. "I don't know that for sure, Bella."

"I know," I squeaked. "What the hell, Alice? Why can't just one thing work out for me? I finally find this guy who I want to spend the rest of my life with and I go and fuck it up." She started to talk but I cut her off because I needed to get this out before my head filled up with hot air and floated to the ugly stucco ceiling. "I'm not just talking about spending the rest of my life making love to him or…or…or picking out furniture together. I want to wake up to him every morning, I want to hold him in my arms when he needs to cry, I want to be the one he comes home to, and I want to sacrifice my almost-dream-shop for him."

"Your what?"

I rubbed my face again because explaining Esme's sacrifice to Alice seemed like a breach of privacy. "N-nothing," I stammered. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah," she answered.

"Do you think that Edward is right?"

"As far as taking care of you?" she asked.

"Yeah," I squeaked, "do you think he's being a good boyfriend?"

She sighed and I braced myself for her answer. "I think Edward is doing the best that he can given his circumstances."

"What do you mean?"

"Edward has his mom to take care of, he's the low man on the totem pole at his job, and he has a long distance girlfriend to consider. He's the Stretch Armstrong of boyfriends." Her tone implicated that she was very proud of that comparison.

"So, I'm one more thing he has to worry about," I mumbled. "If I wasn't in the picture, he'd be less stressed."

Alice paused again. "If you weren't in the picture, his life might be less stressful but he would not be happy."

I wasn't sure how to feel about that because she was telling me that I made Edward happy but stressed him the fuck out. A part of me loved that he wanted to take care of me and but another part of me wanted to tell him that I was an adult who could take care of herself. I had Alice and Jasper and now, I had Charlie but Edward didn't have anyone in Chicago to take care of him. There was so much going on that he didn't let me in on, and I assumed it was because he didn't want to talk about it but you know what happens when you assume: The ass and the U and the me. Edward was simply keeping the burden of his life off of my shoulders because he was trying to take care of me the only way he knew how from hundreds of miles away. But there I was, rambling on and on every night on the phone about Renee and Bree and blood draws. In fact, there was one night that I must have talked for fifteen minutes straight about the lack of hot water in my apartment. And he listened and gave me advice and told me how much he missed me. I silently scolded myself for questioning whether Edward was being a good boyfriend.

"Bella, you should tell him everything that you told me about the reason you proposed because it might look to him like you asked him out of desperation."

I let my mouth fall open. "So, I look desperate?"

"You look like you're terrified of losing him so you'll do anything to keep him," she told me. "Just talk to him and everything will turn out okay."

After I disconnected with Alice, I felt worse than I did before I picked up my phone. Now, I saw myself as a desperate and needy girl who was destined to spend her life hording animals and scaring small children: The creepy lady living on the hill with all the cats. It was what I loved about Alice but at the same time, it wasn't what I had been looking for. Her characteristically grounded way of laying everything out in front of me and telling me what was what didn't make me feel all hunky-dory like I thought it would. When I had picked up that phone and dialed her number, I was looking for reassurance, something that would make me feel less alone here in this city that was full of welcoming strangers and friendly people.

Letting out a shaky breath, I glanced at the clock. Edward had been gone for an hour. A swirl of what-in-the-hell-have-I-done sadness was started to blend with some where-the-fuck-was-he anger. It wasn't an original combination; I was sure that somewhere else on this planet there was another girl, sitting on her couch or her floor or laying naked in her bed, feeling the exact same way. It was a rotten feeling that felt hollow and achy and made the muscles of my chest tense with raw need: The need to feel something else entirely or unleash it on something, anything.

Abruptly, the alarm clock slid off the nightstand and landed with a "Whack!" on the floor. The numbers were still glowing red and it was still in one piece so I praised myself on subconsciously keeping something from being damaged. I closed my eyes and breathed-let the intake of air fill up my lungs and the exhale of the mixture of carbon dioxide, oxygen and anger retreat into the room. I wasn't sure how long I just sat on the bed and breathed, but I stopped brusquely when I heard the sound of the key card push into the lock on our door.

The door opened and then closed with a soft click. With my eyes closed, I could smell him, hear him, and feel him as he walked slowly toward me. I didn't want to look at his face, terrified that it would tell me the answer to the question that I had asked only an hour ago. It seemed like a lifetime since I had blurted it out in the midst of the heavy discussion of worth and love.

"Bella," he finally murmured.

"Where did you go?" I asked. My eye lids pressed tightly together because on instinct they wanted to look upon him: His scruffy jaw, his intelligent green eyes, his perfectly shaped lips. However, I could feel the warmth of my tears pulsing beneath my lids and slipping between my lashes.

"It's not important," he answered. "Will you come with me?"

I could hear him rustling through his bag, unzipping and then zipping it back up. Then the bed shifted beside me, and the weight of him on the mattress urged me toward him, thanks to the laws of physics. Oh God, he smelled so good like cologne and rain.

"Is it raining?" I asked.

"It is," he replied. "Will you come with me?"

My eyes opened and he was leaning toward me, his hair dripping wet and his face…

My eyes widened as I looked at him. "What happened to you?"

He raised his fingertips to the cut on his cheek and winced as they brushed over it. "It's not important."

The anger in me flinched and I rose off the bed, careful to keep myself under control as I faced him. "There is a cut on your cheek, your eye is starting to swell and…" I looked down at his hands, the sight of fresh, red blood catching my eye. "And your knuckles are bleeding! You have to stop this, Edward, stop trying to protect me with silence."

"I'll tell you, Bella, I promise but I need you to come with me, first." He stood from the bed and offered me his hand.

I looked him over again, narrowing my eyes at every interruption in his perfect skin that hadn't been there before he had left our room. My hand found his just as the first tear fell down my cheek. When it reached my chin, it just sat there tickling me enough to keep me aware of its presence. With a brush of his thumb, Edward wiped it away and cupped my cheek with his palm. I couldn't help it; with all the anger and fear and uncertainty that raced through my mind, I leaned into his touch. It felt like coming home.

With gentle movement, he pressed his lips to my forehead and hovered there, tasting me and I let the calmness of his skin wash over me until my body relaxed. It was still there, after all the touching and caressing and making love, the magic was still there. It still did things to me that could not be explained but I wasn't going to question it anymore.

"Are you saying goodbye?" I asked.

His lips promptly left my forehead, and his breath washed over me. "I sure as hell hope not."

His hand tugged mine toward the door and I followed him, letting my questions and concerns die in my throat. We walked into the hallway, and into the elevator. When he pressed the button for the lobby, I looked down at myself and started to panic.

"I forgot to put on shoes."

Edward looked down at my feet and then proceeded to take his off, by pushing on the heels with his toes. His feet were bare, having scrambled to get dressed before he left our room over an hour ago, he hadn't put socks on.

"You're not…I can't…" I stuttered but it was too late. He was bent down, placing my feet into his much too large Nike tennis shoes. When he rose up, he looked at me with a smirk on his face. "I look like a clown plus I'm going to fall flat on my face with these on my feet."

He tilted his head. "I won't let you fall."

"Fate is a bitch," I told him. "Sometimes, what's meant to be will be."

His eyes twinkled, even though his left one had started to bruise and smile on his face could not feel good on that cut on his cheek. "That seems to be the theme of the weekend."

I opened my mouth to question his meaning when the ding of the elevator interrupted. He guided me by the hand, pulling me past the front desk and toward the lounge. The lounge was typical of any hotel with a bar: Dark, sultry and mysterious. There was instrumental music playing and there weren't a lot of empty tables.

I stopped our ascent by digging my feet into the carpet and pulling on my hand. He turned around to see what had stopped me from entering the lounge.

"I can't go in there," I hissed. When a question expression took over his face, I waved my hand over my clothes. "I look homeless."

The corners of his mouth twitched with amusement. "Just give me five minutes." I tilted my head and let out a whimper/groan and he moved closer to me, our noses almost touching. He smelled so, so good. "You'll never see those people in that bar again. Please, just five minutes. Plus, look at me…" he looked down, holding up a foot and wiggling his toes. "I'm barefoot."

The sigh of defeat that departed from my lips let him know that he had me. I let him draw me into the room, keeping my eyes on the back of him to avoid other people's eyes. Regardless, I flushed red and a heat wave rushed over my entire body as we walked toward an empty stage. He pulled out a chair at a close table which had a reserved sign propped up on it.

"This is someone's table," I whispered to him.

He grinned at me. "This is _your_ table."

I sat down in the chair he had pulled out for me and let my hair fall down over my shoulder, blocking the view of anyone else around me. He leaned down and kissed me, his lips sending an undecipherable message. I noticed that he was shaking, his breath unsteady as it moved in and out of his lungs.

"I love you," he said onto my lips.

Before I could answer, he was gone but not far away because he had taken residence on the stage. The instrumental music was cut off as he grabbed up a guitar and sat down on a stool behind the microphone. I froze and it became difficult to breathe as he cleared his throat and said something into the microphone.

"This is for Bella," he said.

Different noises came from the people around me: Murmurs, and "aww's" and giggles. All worries of how they were looking at me or what they were saying dissipated as his fingers glided over the strings, adjusting himself to the unfamiliar instrument across his chest. I didn't have a clue how this would end or where he was going with this but he was laying his heart out for me in front of a crowd of strangers. His eyes found mine as he started to strum into a song, and as the people around me grew silent, his eye contact never faltered.

The song was beautiful but unfamiliar to me and the words he sang with his smooth and unique voice were a testament to how he felt. "_I just want to see you when you're all alone; I just want to catch you if I can. I just want to be there when the morning light explodes on your face it radiates, I can't escape. I love you 'till the end…_"  
My heart felt like it exploded in my chest and my eyes were leaking tears. I had to hold back a sob, as he continued his melodic performance of passion. My hand went to my mouth, keeping in any sort of strange noise associated with contained sobs. He continued to look at me, and his voice cracked when he saw the irrepressible tears on my cheeks. In the middle of the hotel lounge in Nowhere, Montana, this is when I knew, no matter how he answered my question, that we would be okay.

The lyrics stopped as he continued to play the song on the guitar, and someone on the piano piped up behind him, the supportive burst sounding wonderfully against Edward's guitar. The song must have been familiar to the man because he played it perfectly. Edward turned around and nodded to the man in thanks and then his eyes returned to mine, a grin forming on his mouth.

_"I just want to be there when we're caught in the rain. I just want to see you laugh not cry. I just want to feel you when the night puts on its cloak; I'm lost for words don't tell me. All I can say I love you 'till the end…"_

He repeated the words, _"I love you 'till the end" _until it was over and the people sitting at the surrounding tables clapped and whistled for him. His hand came up in thanks as he set the guitar down and stalked toward me. When he reached me, he held his hand out for me and I grabbed it up with force. I didn't bother to pay attention to the faces on us, or the bartender who said something to Edward as we passed, or the fact that his shoes, on my feet, were making loud clumping noises on the carpet. The only thing that mattered in that moment was the feel of his hand grasping onto mine and the sensation of being held up and taken care of.

As soon as we left the lounge, he guided me to a chair in an empty part of the lobby. Without speaking, he kneeled in front of me and pulled my lips to his as if he gained some sort of strength from it. Like a vampire drawing life, in the form of blood, from it's helpless prey. Before the kiss grew into something carnal and desperate he pulled back and looked at me.

"Bella, you are the most important thing in the world to me. I would do anything that you ask of me. You have complete control of me, from this moment in my life and on. If you ask me to move to Seattle, I'll start packing my bags tomorrow. If you tell me to take a hike and never call you again, I'll obey. I am yours: My heart, my soul and everything I own…which isn't much…is yours." He pulled something out of his pocket. His hands were shaking as he held the little box in front of me, and I gasped when he opened it up.

"You don't have to do this just because…"

He interrupted with a shake of his head. "This ring was the same ring that my Grandfather proposed to my Grandmother with sixty-seven years ago. Carlisle gave it to me the day that you arrived in Chicago and I carry it with me every time I see you." He smiled, showing me all his teeth. "It might sound silly but I've wanted to go down on one knee in front of you and present you with this ring since I saw you sing karaoke."

A snotty, wet laugh escaped from my lips. "I was that good, huh?"

He laughed in return but his face turned serious in a rush. "I want you to marry me, Bella. I want to wake up tomorrow morning, knowing that you're going to be in my life until I no longer breathe."

I stared at him, scared of what noise would come from my mouth if I were to try and speak. There was no doubt about it that it would be embarrassing because, even though I was outwardly crying, there was still so much I was holding in. So, instead I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him toward me. His arms wrapped around my body and we sat there, holding each other for what felt like days.

"Is that a maybe?" he asked into my hair.

I choked on a laugh then carefully answered, "That's a yes, Edward."

**~~AMS~~**

"So, are you going to tell me who you beat the crap out of?" I asked.

We were lying in bed, naked and glowing from the mandatory sex that follows a proposal. It was extra good and extra time consuming considering the fact that there had been two proposals that night.

Edward sighed and pulled me deeper into his chest. My ear was pressed into his chest, the sound of his heartbeat loud in my ear. "I ran into an old nemesis."

My brows pulled together as I asked, "Who?"

"Who would you like it to be?"

"Jacob Black," I spat.

His entire body tensed as I said the name. "No, but he's next on my list. Think about it, Bella, think back to college."

I sat up on my elbow and gasped, my eyes finding his in the dim light from the bathroom. "Mike Newton," I replied. "Why in the hell is Mike Newton in Billings, Montana?"

He shrugged the best he could with his back flat on the mattress. "I didn't ask but his suit suggested that he was on a business trip."

"So, you just ran up to him and beat the shit out of him?" I asked.

"No, there was some probing on his part before I even touched him. He saw me before I even knew he was there," he replied. "He was with a couple other guys which is the reason for the damage on my face."

I ran a finger lightly over the cut on his face. "We have to get this cleaned up before it gets infected." When I looked at his swollen, bruised eye, I grimaced. "You need some ice for your eye, too."

"Are you angry with me?"

My brows popped up. "About Newton?" I asked and he nodded carefully. "I'm just mad that I didn't get to see it. What are the odds, though, you know? He just so happens to be in the same city we are on the same weekend? That's just…"

"What's meant to be will be," he interrupted, with a grin on his face, "Like I said, 'the theme of the weekend'."

"I guess," I said, laying my head back down on his chest. "So, how did it feel to kick his ass…again?"

He let out a sigh of satisfaction and mumbled, "Really, really good."

"What else did you do for the hour you were gone?" I asked.

"Called some people and thought about things." His fingers ran through my hair, and onto my naked back. I closed my eyes and sighed with contentment as he continued his explanation. "When you asked me to marry you, I was so shocked that I didn't know what to say. I needed some time to put things into perspective."

"Like what?" I asked.

"Like making sure that what I promise you, I can provide and what exactly it means to be committed in the way that you asked me to be." He squirmed and I had a feeling he was getting uncomfortable in the conversation but I wasn't going to let him out of it. There were things we needed to talk about and I was determined to get it all out before we went our separate ways the next day. "I called some people, beat the shit out of Newton and made arrangements to sing to you."

"It was lovely, don't get me wrong, but why did you feel like you had to sing to me?"

"I wanted it to be special for you," he answered. "Haven't I been clear today about what you deserve? Just a regular old proposal isn't going to do it for someone like you, Bella. In fact, I should have done something so much better but I didn't have the time."

"It was amazing," I whispered. "Thank you."

He kissed me on the top of my head. "Thank you for saying yes."

I laughed. "Did you think I would say no after asking you the same question just an hour prior to that?"

"I don't know," he said. "I thought that maybe after you had time to think about it, you'd realize what a jerk I am."

"Did you really carry that ring around with you every time you saw me?"

"Yep," he replied.

"On my birthday to Jasper's bar?"

"Uh huh."

"To Charlie's retirement party?"

"It was in my pocket the whole time." I could hear the grin in his voice as he spoke. "Hell, there were days in Chicago that I'd take it to work with me just so I could feel it in my pocket. It would make me feel like there was hope out there, knowing that someday you might honor me and put that on your finger. By the way, let me see it one more time."

I laughed and held my hand up so he could get a view of the ring on my finger. It wasn't a large ring but it was detailed and held so much meaning in the white gold band. Just the thought of his Grandmother having it on her finger sixty-seven years ago was incredible.

He kissed the top of my head again, this time his lips lingered there for an extra moment or two. I couldn't imagine having this, everyday for the rest of my life.

"Would you really move to Seattle if I asked you to?" I asked, looking up at him.

"In a heartbeat," he replied. "In fact, it would almost be a relief because then I wouldn't feel so guilty about doing it on my own."

"I still couldn't do that, knowing what is going on with your Mom," I told him, "but it's a delightful sentiment."

"Just keep it in mind," he said. "This thing with my Mom is…it's exhausting and I wonder all the time if I should just let things play out."

"Let things play out? You mean, give up?" He nodded and I ran my hand over his chest, my fingers tangling with the soft hair on his chest. "You couldn't do that, Edward, it's not you."

He sighed. "I wouldn't be able to live with myself but she's not making it easy."

"What happens if she won't sign paperwork to put her house up for sale?"

"There are a few different routes we can take but none of them are pleasant for any of us. All of them would cause damage to our relationship." He pulled me tighter to him, and I felt like an anchor.

"You know that you're doing the best that you can, right?" When he didn't answer, I continued, "Everything you do, it's out of love and she doesn't see that because of what she's going through."

"That house is all the memories she has of my Dad." His voice was breaking and his breathing became shallow. "I honestly don't think that she believes that we're doing this to hurt her, as she claims. She's not so far gone that she thinks we would do this for anyone's benefit but her own. I believe that she thinks there is another way around this and we just don't want to look for it. Unless, I can pull some serious bling out of my ass, we're shit out of luck."

"From what I know about your Mom, I think you're right," I told him. "But that bling from your ass thing would come in handy for all of us. Plus, it would be quite the show!"

His fingers dug into my ribcage and I squealed. "You think you're funny."

After he stopped his assault and I caught my breath, I said, "If there's anything I can do, Edward, just name it."

With his finger on my chin, he tilted my face toward him. "Same goes for me," he whispered.

I had always had a problem with shutting my brain down for the night. For instance, I'd be lying in bed and I'd suddenly remember the twenty I had shoved into the pocket of my jeans. I'd lay there and lay there, thinking about that twenty but too comfortable to move. Then the conversation in my head would proceed as follows: I'd make a mental note to get it first thing in the morning before I put the jeans in the washing machine. Then I'd remember that I left clothes in the washing machine. I'd have to wash them all over again. I'd curse because I realized that the clothes I wanted to wear the next day were in the washing machine. Then, I'd make a mental note of everything in my wardrobe and pick something out with my brain so I wouldn't be in a mad rush in the morning. Speaking of morning, damn, I was out of coffee. I'd have to leave early to get some coffee on my way in. Shit! We were having that damned assembly tomorrow. I hated those damn assemblies. That gym was way too small for the number of students in that school. Probably, it was a fire hazard. Probably, we were all in danger while crammed into that gym. I hope that freaking levy passes. What is that school going to do if that freaking levy doesn't pass?

And so on and so on…

That night as I lay in Edward's arms, holding him tight with my arm wrapped around his torso, something occurred to me. It started out as a question to myself regarding breakfast the next day, then quickly morphed into moving to Chicago and ended on Elizabeth. Then, it was like something clicked in my brain. I had an idea: This was an idea that had been placed into my brain almost magically, appearing out of thin air. This idea was brilliant. This idea would get me to Chicago. It would help Elizabeth keep her house.

My eyes popped open and the light from the bathroom seemed incredibly bright. I wanted to get up, get to my phone and see if this was even possible to pull off but damn, I was comfortable. It was so warm, wrapped up beside him, listening to his soft snores and his heavy breaths. There was always tomorrow.

I let my eyes close, and my mind grew heavy once again as I snuggled into Edward's side. But the idea was plastered into my skull-nailed there with five inch steel spikes. The opportunity flashing in front of my eyes until my brain sent waves of adrenaline through my body. My eyes came open again and I blinked until I realized I was no longer tired.

After a little this-will-only-take-a-second pep talk, I gave Edward's nipple a little nibble and watched him sigh in his sleep. With a wave of remorse, I eased away from my fiancé and stepped away from the bed. I found my phone, gathered my patience and started pressing buttons to log on to the internet.

It took me ten minutes to finally reach the site I was looking for but when I got there, I found what I needed. My eyes scanned over the page, making a mental note on what my first steps would be. This would change my life but if this worked, I would be a half-million dollars richer.

* * *

**A/N: I am contributing an outtake for Awake My Soul for The Fandom Charity event for LLS which stands for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Fandom For LLS is hoping to not only bring awareness to these cancers but to put a face to the name. I'm looking for ideas for outtakes, if anyone has something they would like to see an EPOV of or a more detailed version of a certain scene-let me know in a PM or a review. I've put the link for Fandom 4LLS on my profile page. Please consider a donation.**

**Thank you for all your reviews, suggestions and ideas. I appreciate EVERY one of them.**

**I held off the chapter song until the end because I didn't want to give anything away. It's the same song Edward sings to Bella before he proposes which is "Love You 'Till The End" by The Pogues. Link on my profile page. :) Have a good week, everyone!**


	28. Chapter 28 It Didn't Matter

**A/N: Thank you for all your reviews! I'd love to reply to each one but RL has been a pain in the ass. I don't have a day off work until next Thursday, my son has had therapy every day this week, and my Dad is coming for another visit. I know...excuses, excuses. I love you all for reading. :-)**

**Disclaimer: SM owns all characters.**

**Chapter song: "Cold Desert" by KOL**

* * *

The drained feeling I got when I walked through the doorway of my apartment hit me like a ton of bricks. The adrenaline from dealing with airport security and hurried travelers had seeped out of me on the drive back home. My legs were heavy, my eyelids drooped and deep down, there was a sob building up in my belly. Three hours of sleep, a goodbye to Edward, and being groped by The TSA was all about I could handle. It made me thank God for today being Sunday: The official day of rest.

All of my hopes and wishes of flopping down in my bed, and sleeping for the next eight hours came crashing down on me. My stringy-haired roommate came bounding out from the hallway adorned in pink PJ's and had her feet tucked into what could only be described as pink fluffy road kill.

Her eyes were wild as she put a firm hand on each of my shoulders. I waited for the shake but it never came. "What happened?" she asked slowly.

I blinked at her slowly, and reveled in the feel of the lubrication that each close of my eyelids offered my dry and irritated eyeballs. "Whatever do you mean?"

Alice's face scrunched up in annoyance as she watched my unchanged expression. She was trying to figure out if I was serious or not and my exhaustion helped my cause. I hadn't the energy to smirk or frown. With a huff, she asked, "What did he say? I've been waiting all damn night for a phone call but Noooo…you couldn't even pick up the phone. You look…" her eyes moved over my face and down my body before she continued, "like crap. He said 'no', didn't he?"

My blinking continued and my mind started to helplessly wander into a vision of my bed. The vision portrayed my comforter as fluffier than usual, more pillows than I owned, and one of those eye masks that people wear to ensure total darkness for the total comatose effect. I could feel my body wobble a little and Alice started with the gentle shaking of my shoulders that I had anticipated.

"Bella, are you okay? It's going to be okay, I promise. There are three pints of Chunky Monkey in the fridge, three bottles of wine in the cupboard and I got ten boxes of Mac & Cheese." I widened my eyes at the list of comfort items she had bought for me. "Costco," she explained with a shrug.

It was sort of amusing, playing with Alice but I didn't have the energy to keep up the charade. A yawn built up in my throat and I let it out a loud groan as it left my mouth. Purposefully, I covered my mouth with my left hand.

"Did you sleep at all last night? My God, you must be…" She gasped as the glitter of the diamond hit the light of the kitchen and she took notice. "Bella!"

Her arms whipped around me and I nearly fell over as she tried to bounce and squeal and hug all at the same time. It was like riding the Tilt-A-Whirl after one too many beers…with an eight year old.

After a few minutes of being jostled around, she released her grip and looked at me expectantly. "Well?" she asked.

I grinned because, really, I couldn't help it as I told her the whole story on what happened from the moment he came back to the room to when I accepted. I even threw in the beat down of Mike Newton to add a little action to the story. Remarkably, she had grown speechless.

"Congrats, Bella!" Jasper's voice startled me as he wandered down the hallway. "I just heard the news."

Alice turned to him with her mouth agape as he gave me a celebratory embrace. "How did you find out?"

Jasper laughed. "I think Edward is calling everyone he knows." His eyes turned to focus on me and he said, "He asked if you got home okay and I told him that you'd call him."  
As if on cue, my phone rang but the ringtone told me that it wasn't Edward. Sleepily, I answered my phone with a hoarse, "Hello?"

"Bella! Holy shit! I'm so happy for you guys!"

"Thanks, Rose," I said. It was good to hear her voice since I had only spoken to her a couple of times since leaving Miami and it had only been for a few minutes. She had been busy with work and trying to plan her wedding.

I heard a big, deep voice yell something out in the background. "Emmett says that he's happy for you guys."

"How's Miami?" I asked. "Does Emmett still love his job?"

"Are you kidding? I've never see someone so happy to go to work. If I didn't know him any better, I'd be offended." She laughed and I joined her. "I've actually been meaning to call you for a few weeks, actually."

I sat down on the couch because my feet were starting to ache against the ground. "What's up?"

She sighed, reluctantly. "We have to put the house onto the market."

"Oh geeze, Rose, I'm sorry," I told her, "That really sucks."

"It's no big deal, honestly, but we would love to have everyone here just one more time. We truly love this house and we want to make it so we'll never forget it. We've decided to get married here, on the beach."

I felt my eyes widen a little in shock. "Really? That would be beautiful but don't you think it would be a little sad to know that you can't stay there?"

"I think that it would turn something sad into one big happy memory," she said. "I want to remember this house for good reasons, not because we made a mistake when we bought it."

"There's no way that I'd miss your wedding, Rose," I told her. "When's the big day?"

"We're thinking the end of October; would that work for you?"

I laughed. "Your asking me what day is good for me when you're getting married? Who are you and what have you done with Rosalie Hale?"

"Bella," she hesitated before continuing, "I want you and Alice to stand up for me."

The sob that had been sitting dormant in my belly came rushing up my throat like an erupting volcano. "Of course, Rose, I'd be honored."

There was some sniffling on her end. "Don't get all emotional about it, Bella. I just put on my eyeliner and you're going to make me ruin it."

I laughed and wiped my eyes. "There's the Rose I know and love."

After I ended the call, Alice sat down beside me, grinning like an idiot. "I can't believe you're beating me to the altar," she teased. "All I ask is that you let me help you pick out your dress."

"I hope you help me pick out a hell of a lot more than my dress," I said.

She hugged me tightly and I used up the rest of my oomph on the return hug. "You know, I'm not going to be getting married for a while," I said into her shoulder, "so it really wouldn't be a big deal if I gained a pound or two."

Her arms released me from her hold and she grinned at me. "Chunky Monkey at 11am?"

I narrowed my eyes a little. "There's never a bad time for ice cream," I scolded.

"Ooh! Did somebody say ice cream?" Jasper asked from the kitchen.

As I sat in bed in pajamas and a bowl of ice cream on my lap, I dialed Edward's number. He answered with the same pooped tone that I spoke with.

"Are you home yet?" I asked.

He sighed. "No, I'm in Omaha, waiting for my flight to come in. It was delayed because of weather so I'm not sure how long I'll be sitting here."

I frowned at a spoonful of ice cream before sticking it into my mouth. "I just talked to Rose."

"Yeah, I talked to Emmett. Did she tell you about…what are you eating?"

"Ice cream," I said around a mouthful. Always the lady.

He chuckled but had no comment on my choice of brunch. "Did she tell you about the house?"

"Yeah," I said, grimly, "that sucks. I'm looking forward to the wedding, though."

"Rosalie's or yours?" I could hear the grin in his voice as he spoke and I got the overwhelming urge to let out an Alice-sized squeal.

"Both, of course," I murmured, "but I was talking about Rose and Emmett's wedding. It's going to be beautiful on the beach, especially at that house."

"Supposedly, it's going to be the end of October so instead of coming to Seattle, I guess I'll see you in Miami," he told me. "Unless, you want me to fly out to Seattle and we fly out together. We can do that, if you want me to."

I smiled, my cheeks stretching so much that it hurt. "No, that's ridiculous. I'll just meet you there."

He paused before saying, "That's four weeks away; that really sucks."

I lay down on my bed and sighed into the phone. "Just think-the wait will make getting each other naked that much more awesome."

"I don't think it could get much more awesome," he choked into the phone. "I miss the hell out of you."

"Me, too," I answered, getting all teary eyed again. "I hear you've been busy on the phone."

He laughed. "Esme and Carlisle are thrilled! Expect a phone call from Esme but I told her to wait until tomorrow because you're probably going to be sleeping all day today."

"I can't wait to be a part of your family, Edward."

There was a pause before he answered, "You're already a part of my family."

**~~AMS~~**

I was having one of those days. You know, those days where all the cold water in your apartment is tapped out when you step into the shower so you end up with an irritated scalp because the water was too cold to do a complete rinse? Then, you get in your car and drop your cherry Pop tart onto your white blouse and it's not just a little drop of cherry goo that soaks into the fabric but an entire streak…right over your left nipple. And in the middle of the day, the red stain, that is prominent in your mind but probably not in anyone else's, is combined with a glob of yellow finger paint that one of your students found to be extremely exciting as it fought gravity and found it's way onto your right nipple. And it wasn't even Monday.

So, there I was in my apartment after my hellish day, making a solemn promise to keep myself indoors until the next morning when I had no other choice but to go to work. I was scrubbing at my white blouse with a spurt of detergent and a wet rag, begging the finger paint and cherry Pop tart to just come out already when my phone rang. It was too early for Edward, Alice and Jasper were in her room-probably doing it- and Charlie was at physical therapy.

That didn't leave me many options.

I hesitated, as it rang a second time-going back and forth between answering it or letting my voicemail do its job. With a fruitful curse, I threw down my blouse and lunged for my phone. As I pushed the button to answer, my little toe crushed into the corner of the coffee table. I let out a groan as the pain shot up from toe, past my ankle and into my calf.

"Hello?" I managed to groan.

"Bella?" _Shit! _"It's Renee-are you there?"

"Yep," I answered, popping the "p", "I'm here."

"Uh…I just wanted to let you know that the test results came back and you're a match." Her voice held the same undertone as if she were telling me that she was second in her bowling league fifteen years ago. "So, we're going to have to start making arrangements to-'

I cut her off, simply because someone had to get excited about this. "Wait…I'm a match?"

She sighed heavily into the phone and answered, "Yes, you are."

My eyes narrowed and I held my free hand out, palm up in a what-the-fuck-woman gesture. "You don't sound happy."

"Of course, I'm happy but…this is just going to be complicated."

"The procedure is going to be complicated?" I had a feeling I knew where this was going but playing dumb had always been a good strategy of mine. You got better answers and you could see through people's bullshit if you played like you had no sense, sometimes. "Is it dangerous?"

She hesitated and some strange strangled noise came from her before she said, "There can always be issues with how her body accepts your donation but that's not what I meant about it being complicated."

"Okay," I started, "so, spit it out, Renee. You want me to come to Florida for this procedure, right?"

The woman scoffed. "Of course, we'll do the procedure in Florida but what-"

"I can't go to Florida!" I was acting like a brat but she had no right to tell me what was what when it came to traveling across the country. "I have a job and a life and people who depend on me!"

Okay, so I was being a dramatic brat. Yes, I did have a job but my life currently resided in Chicago and Alice's dependency lay on Jasper's shoulders.

"Bella, don't be difficult because you hate me," she muttered. "We're talking about Bree, here. She told me that she mentioned to you about doing the procedure in Florida, so don't act like it's a big shock for you."

I narrowed my eyes and thought long and hard about hanging up but she was right. This was about Bree and saving that little girl's life. "So, if that's not the complication, what is?"

"The complication is…Bree has been asking a lot of questions about you," she grumbled. "I told her that I promised to leave you alone after this is done with but she got irate about losing contact with you. I haven't got a clue what you two have discussed behind my back but I never told her exactly what happened in Phoenix."

"I know that," I told her. The conversation fell into silence as I made her sweat it out a little before I continued, "I didn't tell her, either."

"Well, I don't know why you didn't jump at the opportunity but thank you," she grumbled.

"You know, granted I don't have the yearning to give you a great big hug but I'm not out to get you," I spat. "I'm doing you a huge favor and the least you could do is show a little appreciation and gratitude."

There was a few moments of silence on her end before she spoke up, "You're right, Bella. I-I'm sorry that I haven't shown my thanks for this whole thing because what you are doing for Bree is…it's amazing. Our entire family is grateful for what you are doing for her because without her, I…I wouldn't know how to survive."

I felt something in that instant, after she said those words. It wasn't as strong as an emotion but a realization: Renee was human, after all. I didn't know if it was the softness in her voice, the lack of hostility in her words or the mere fact that she sounded genuine in her gratitude but it was there. The humanity and the love for another person were not qualities I had associated with her since our reunion. Mostly, I saw her with horns and a tail, with a constant dark cloud of evil hovering over her head.

Now, I saw what she felt for Bree as she continued telling me what to expect in the future. As she droned on about meeting the doctors the day before the procedure, the anesthesia, and the recovery process (in which she conveniently left out the side effects), I felt the love that a mother can only have for a child. That, supposedly, binding and irrefutable love that a child could always depend on, no matter what challenges they face in their lives; that bonding love that hurts like a motherfucker when taken away or denied.

"So, do you have any questions?" she asked, when her impassive explanation of the procedure had finished.

Hell, I had questions for her but I didn't want her to answer them, simply because her responses would make being around her unbearable. Did she feel anything for me, besides disgust and embarrassment? How would she feel if I forgave her for what she did? Anything? It wasn't the fact that I wanted her to feel something or that I would forgive her for leaving me but there was that morbid curiosity that ate away at me. What had I done to eliminate that bonding love that every child feels from the woman that brought them into the world? Sure, I had asked this question many, many times since the day I woke up alone in Phoenix but not while she was so convenient to ask. Perhaps, it was as simple as she had told me. She was losing her mind because of my unpredictable gift and she had to save her own sanity. However, she had also told me that she had wondered about me growing up and wanted to make contact.

I silently scolded myself for even having these thoughts. What did it matter? It was what it was. It didn't matter that she easily survived without me or knowing me. It didn't matter that I grew up wondering if Charlie would flee in the middle of the night. And it certainly didn't matter that I grew up without a mother to walk me through my first period, my first date, my first prom.

It. Didn't. Matter.

Those three words left me emptier than they should have after so many years of Renee being a stranger to me. The truth really does fucking hurt.

"No, I don't have any questions," I told her, hesitating for good reason before saying, "I'll see what I can do about coming to Florida."

She sighed; for once the sound wasn't out of annoyance but relief. "Thank you, Bella. It's just that all the doctors who are familiar with her are in Florida, and her family. She's going to be in the hospital for a good week afterwards so family and friends will help her recover. There's always a chance that the transfusion won't be accepted by her body."

"Does it bother you that it's me?" I asked, cringing at how small my voice sounded into the phone.

During her hesitation, I wondered if she knew what I meant by my question. "It doesn't bother me because I know as long as she lives through this, that's what is important."

"And what if my gift is transferred through my blood?" I knew the chances were pretty slim that my special talent could be transferred like a virus in the plasma I would give to Bree, but I needed to know before I did this that she would be safe with Renee.

Her response was quick. "It doesn't matter. I love her, regardless."

After I'd hung up with her, I sat on the couch in my living room and dug through my feelings. Certainly, I was happy that I was a match for Bree and that Renee loved her like a mother ought to love her daughter but I also expected to feel angry and sad. But I didn't; instead I felt numb.

With a shrug, I got up and grabbed my laptop off the kitchen table where I had left it to charge. I logged onto my e-mail and sifted through the junk to get my mind off of Florida and closing the Renee chapter of my life. I felt satisfied with the answers I had gotten from her since our reunion even if those answers weren't what I'd hoped they would be.

Esme had e-mailed me asking me about my future wedding. It was sweet how excited she was for me however my big day wasn't on my current list of worries. This time she was asking me if I would like her to make my dress. I e-mailed her back and told her that I'd talk to her about it in November when I flew there for Thanksgiving, hoping that she'd get the hint that I was in no hurry to walk down the aisle while there were so many hurdles we had to jump through to get there.

My brows furrowed at an e-mail from a familiar address and I gasped when I opened it up. It was the one I had been waiting on and it stunned me that they had gotten back so quickly. After filling out the application as soon as I woke up from my Montana recovery nap, I expected the response to be weeks, possibly months away but there it was in front of me.

They wanted to meet me. I'd have to do it in Chicago because I'd need Edward there and not just for moral support. His legal knowledge would come in handy and there was no way I could do this without his magic touch.

"What's that?"

I jerked around at the sound of Alice's voice and I snapped my laptop closed. I glared at her as she read over my shoulder. "God, Alice, privacy much?"

Her face screwed up in distaste at my attitude. "Man, what's up your ass? I was just asking."

I sighed and twisted back around, lifting the top of my notebook. "Sorry, I just got off the phone with Renee. I'm a match for Bree."

She watched me cautiously, and then her face softened. "First of all, Renee is a bitch so whatever she said, just ignore it. Second, I'm glad that you're a match for Bree but not happy that you have to endure more of Renee's destructive company. When are they coming back?"

"She wants me to come to Florida for the procedure," I told her and shrugged. "That's where all of Bree's doctors are. Am I a pushover if I go to Jacksonville?"

Alice squeezed my shoulder with her hand. "No, you are just anxious to get Renee out of your life and if traveling across the country is what it takes, then that's what you're going to do."

She was right. A small part of me was thinking about the fastest way to get this over with and a battle over location wouldn't ensure me quickness. But a larger part of me was thinking about what was best for Bree and if being close to her home would help her recover, then that's what I would do. I had to remember that she was not only Renee's daughter but a scared little girl.

**~~AMS~~**

That following weekend, I traveled to Forks with Alice to celebrate Charlie's birthday. I was sitting in my old room, staring at my twin sized bed and trying hard to avoid the feelings that the sight of the thing induced within me. The last time I had been here was when Edward had put the moves on me and we ended up sweaty and groaning on top the purple comforter that still lay wrinkled on top of the mattress. If I thought too hard about it, I was afraid that my transparency would reveal to Charlie what was taking place at the same time he was opening up retirement gifts and taking teasing shots from his police buddies.

"I don't think you should go," Charlie murmured as he put another decrepit cardboard box in front of me. They were currently cleaning out the attic so that they could make room for some of Mary's things since they had just put her house up for sale. I reluctantly agreed to go through some of my old things; in case I wanted to keep it otherwise it was getting "tossed" as Mary so eloquently put it. Alice was doing the same thing at her old house. I could only imagine the things we'd take back to Seattle with us that night. "They should come to Seattle."

I pulled open the box with no effort since the duct tape that had held the flaps in place was rotting and no longer did its job. The first thing I pulled out was my folded up poster of N'Sync which brought back memories of the nights when I'd make out with Justin Timberlake every night before bed. I didn't bother to hide my cringe as I held it up for him to see.

"Really? You kept this?" I asked.

His feet shuffled the floor and his brows darkened his eyes. "Mary says that I'm a few Guns 'N Ammo magazines away from being a hoarder."

I sighed and chucked the poster into the trash pile. His eyes followed it as if I had hurt his feelings when I didn't keep it.

"Renee said that all the doctors who are familiar with Bree are in Jacksonville. I want her to be comfortable, you know?" I pulled out some old band t-shirts that I had forgotten all about. I gasped at my holey Pearl Jam shirt and hugged it to my chest. "I love this shirt."

"If you want me to, you know, come down with you…" He cleared his throat and pulled at his moustache. "Just let me know."

"Thanks, Dad," I told him with a genuine smile on my face. Oh, how far we had come in the past couple months. "Rose and Emmett are getting married at the end of October so I'm going to Miami for the wedding. Hopefully, I can just take a week off and plan on doing the procedure then."

His eyebrows danced on this forehead. "Alice is going, right?"

"Yep; I don't think I could keep her from it. You know how Alice is when you mention a white dress and flowers."

"Will Edward be going?" he asked.

"Yeah, he'll be there."

Charlie sat down on my bed and I cringed. A vision of Edward's lips on my nipple and his hand between my legs flashed across my eyes. That is so not something I want to be thinking about when talking to my Dad.

"I don't know if it means anything to you but I really like Edward," he grumbled and then added, "He's a good kid. I tend to believe that he will keep all his promises."

My brows came together as I looked at him. "What promises?"

He shifted his weight and the bed squeaked as if he were uncomfortable with my question. I tilted my head with impatience because he's the one who brought the damn subject up.

"He didn't tell you that he called me?" he asked.

"When did he call you?"

"Uh…he called me before he proposed to you. He wanted to ask my permission to, uh, marry you."

"And how did you respond?" I asked.

The telephone rang and Charlie jumped to get it, as fast as any man using a cane could manage. "I better get that," he mumbled as he moved past me. "Mary has a vivid imagination and if I don't answer it by the third ring, she pictures me helpless on the floor in the kitchen, reaching for my cane."

I wasn't sure why it had shocked me-the fact that Edward had called Charlie before he proposed. It was so characteristic of him. Hell, I wasn't even sure how he got Charlie's number. To be a fly on the wall in that conversation would have been tempting. The knowledge that the conversation had even taken place made my chest ache. Damn, I missed him.

After I went through the last of the boxes, and separated them into "keep" and "trash" piles, I cleaned up my mess. I was rather proud of the fact that the pile I chose to keep was much smaller than the trash pile. It was a bit sad as I stuffed the bags of memories into the large plastic trash containers in the rear of the house but the past was the past. Letting go of my childhood in Forks wasn't the most difficult thing I had ever done; my adulthood was turning out so much better.

When I got back in the house, Charlie was wrestling around with a large pot of noodles, trying to drain them in our tiny kitchen sink. I watched him for a moment, as he grumbled something incoherent at the pot which kept sliding off the sink and knocking off balance as he tilted out the steaming hot water.

I thought back to the first year after I had returned to Washington after Renee had left me. The image of him in his uniform, gun strapped to his hip and badge shining in the light of the kitchen, took me back. I saw him as so durable and brawny as he'd shove his way out the door every morning to go fight the crime of Forks. At the time, I respected him and a part of me even feared him. We were strangers, sharing brown eyes and DNA, living under the same roof. I'd wanted to reach out to him, find vulnerability so that my days of living with him weren't spent in awkward silence but something had stopped me. It was fear but not because I was afraid of his height or his strong, deep voice or even his gun. It was fear that he would say things to me that I couldn't bear hearing: Things like "I don't want you" or "I never loved you".

Now that I look back on it, Charlie was the only thing that kept me from losing my mind in those days that followed Renee's disappearance. His mere presence helped my feet plant firmly on the ground because I had someone, even if it was my estranged father. If he were to tell me those horrible things that my imagination conjured up, I would lose myself. I would float away like a balloon, the air gushing from my spout with an exhausted rush of surrender.

"Bella, what's wrong?" I hadn't realized that he had turned around, large mitten potholders on each of his hands. He was watching me, looking at my face with bewildered concern.

I shook my head. "Nothing," I answered.

"Then why are you crying?" he asked. "Did…did you hear something from Renee?"

My hands swiped at my cheeks and sure enough, they were wet with tears. "I'm just…I'm really sorry about how I acted when I lived here with you."

He raised his potholder hands, palms up. They were covered in roosters. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

I nodded. "Yeah, I do," I replied. "I never gave you a chance. I was terrified that you would…" I trailed off because finishing that sentence would dismantle any keeping-it-together abilities I had in that moment.

"You were afraid that I would leave you," he finished my sentence with so much accuracy that I couldn't help the sob from bursting from my throat. I nodded, and looked away, embarrassed. "Bella, I could have never…"

"I know! I know that now but then, you were all I had and…and I thought for sure that you hated me." I swiped at my eyes and hugged myself with my arms.

He rubbed a potholder over his face. "It was my fault," he muttered, almost to himself. "I didn't know the first thing about raising a daughter and with your, uh, special gift, I was even more clueless. I thought that if I just stayed out of the way, it would make it easier for you but now, I see that I was wrong. I should have done better by you."

I shook my head. "You did the best you could."

"No, I didn't but I've got a second chance," he said, his eyes glassy. I didn't know it was even possible for Charlie to tear up. He cleared his throat and reached up to fiddle with his moustache but the rooster potholder prevented his fingers from grasping on the course hair on his upper lip. He tore the things off his hands and tossed them on the counter then his eyes met mine. "I love you, Bells, don't ever doubt that."

Even with my Dad's bum hip and his graying sideburns, he was still strong. He wrapped me in a big hug and for a few moments, I felt like I was eight again. Tears clashed with the grin on my face as I buried my forehead into his shoulder.

"I love you, too."

After our hug and tear fest, we sat down at the table and ate the dinner that he had prepared for us. There was a calming silence between the two of us, the huge weight that was constantly bearing down on us had been lifted. When we were finished, I cleaned up as he sipped on a cup of decaf and skimmed through the newspaper.

When I was done, I sat down beside him and we chatted about different things: His physical therapy, the boredom associated with retirement and the embarrassing sight of his kitchen that was covered from dishtowel to cookie jar with roosters.

"It really is a little overwhelming," I teased. "Is there anything in here that isn't associated with clucking farm animals?"

He narrowed his eyes at me and held up his plain black mug. "You'll understand when you get married. It's all about sacrifice."

I laughed. "So, you sacrificed your cluttered and unsightly decorated kitchen for roosters? I don't know about this whole living together thing."

A slurp echoed in his mug as he took a sip. "When is the big day, anyway?"

"Not in the near future," I said. "There's a lot going on with his Mom right now and plus, we don't even live in the same city."

"What's going on with his Mom?"

That's when it hit me that I had never told him about Elizabeth. So, for the next hour I told him about her illness, Edward's desperation to give her a better life and the current situation with her house.

"Damn, that's rough," he grumbled. "Why doesn't Edward just buy the house from her so that they can at least keep it in the family?"

"That was his first suggestion to her and she accused him of wanting her money. I feel so helpless, you know? I want to help him but I don't have any answers for him."

He opened his mouth to answer but the sound of the front door opening cut him off. Alice and Mary stumbled into the kitchen, carrying bags and boxes that Alice had brought from her house. I was glad that my "keep" pile was small because Alice's would take up the entire trunk.

"We brought home ice cream!" Alice squealed.

"Bribery in the form of sweet, creamy dessert: What exactly do you want to put in our living room, Alice?" I asked.

She looked a little offended for a moment until she realized that I was right. After a moment of consideration, she yanked a framed picture from around the corner of the wall and held it up in front of her. "You remember this one, right?"

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, Dear God, The Llama Brothers," I groaned. This picture was an icon in Alice's childhood. It was a cartoonish picture of two llamas dressed up like The Blues Brothers, sunglasses and all. It had been on her bedroom wall the entire time I knew her and apparently, she hadn't had enough.

"It would look awesome right next to the TV, don't you think?" she asked, her eyes bright and wild.

I sighed. "Honestly, Alice, you can put it wherever you want to put it. I'm too tired to argue about it."

And of course she had to squeal and jump up and down a little. Obviously, this was about more than the picture for her. I think having it in Seattle made her feel a little closer to her Mom. Even though she wouldn't admit it, selling the house she had been raised in would not be easy for her. There were so many memories, good and bad, that had taken place in that house.

This train of thought carried me through until we were on our way home that night. It made me think of Edward and the situation with his house. The lack of finances in addition to his mother's illness, it made you forget that the house he was trying to sell was where he had been raised. It was where his last conversation with his Dad had taken place before he died. The living room was where his Mom had taught him to play piano. I had to find a way to help him.

"Alice," I said, breaking her free from her trance of passing headlights and the silhouettes of blurry, dark trees. "Do you remember when I used to joke about joining a circus?"

"Yeah," she said, with a smile, "the admission we would charge would pay for our trip to Hawaii. All you'd have to do is break something with your brain, and we'd be living the good life."

"Well, what if I told you that I could make money off of using my gift?" I needed to get someone's opinion on this before I responded to the e-mail. Alice loved me and I trusted her advice. I had a feeling that Edward would not be enthusiastic about me whoring out my mental abilities so that he could keep his house. Alice's support would give me some ammunition in the case of trying to convince him that this was a good thing to do.

"Don't tell me that you're calling up Ringling Brothers," she said.

I rolled my eyes. "No, I don't think I could compete with the bearded lady."

"You could totally compete with the…" she gasped and looked at me with wide eyes, "You got in touch with one of those crazy paranormal groups, didn't you? They're insane, Bella! You can't let them-"

"Alice!" I yelled, cutting her off. "I'm not a complete idiot. I would make sure that everything is legit before I would sign anything. I'm not going to announce the freak in me if it means that I'm going to be taken advantage of."

"How much money?" she asked.

"Half a million dollars," I mumbled.

"You want to know what I think?" Her voice was tight and I didn't have a good feeling about what was coming next. "I think that this is ridiculous. If you are doing this for Edward, you need to stop right now because he's not going to like it. This is everything you have worked for, thrown in the shitter. All the control you have mastered in the past ten years will be for nothing."

"Don't you think it would be nice to get _something_ out of this curse? Don't you think I deserve it? My whole life has been devoted to figuring it out, finding a way to manage living with it. I think it's time that I use it for my advantage, don't you think?" I hadn't realized that I was yelling at her, my hands were shaking and my chest was aching. Even though I hadn't cracked the windshield yet or blown a tire, I closed my eyes and started some deep breathing.

"Then, find an advantage to it but don't go out, putting on some show for a bunch of scientists just so you can make a little money," she answered. "Edward will find his way out of this, and all he needs from you is support."

"I need to do more than just coo to him over the phone and tell him that I'm here for him!" I seethed.

"Then, go to Chicago and give him a fucking blow job! Sexual frustration has got to be a bitch for him right now! That's what girlfriends do, Bella! They don't sign their life away for money," she spat.

I scoffed and responded with a mumbled, "I'm not signing my life away, Alice."

"How many people have successfully gotten this money by proving their special abilities?" By the tone of her voice, she already knew the answer.

"No one has gotten through the first interview," I answered.

"So, you don't know what the outcome of this will be, do you?"

I took a deep breath in and exhaled through pursed lips. "We're going to find out."

* * *

**A/N: So, there really are paranormal groups out there that offer money for proof of a paranormal ability. One of them offers a cool million but no one has passed the first interview, like Bella said. There will be more info. in the next chapter when she reveals her plan to Edward.**

**Next chapter, we skip ahead to Miami. Like I said above, my RL is kicking my ass but reviews make losing sleep to write so easy to do. Please review because it means so much to me. :) Thank you!**


	29. Chapter 29 Where would I be?

**A/N: Day late and more than a dollar short. Thank you for reading, and reviewing and especially for pimping me out. Means so much to me. **

**Disclaimer: SM owns all characters.**

**Chapter song: "Forever Your Friend" by Ray Lamontagne**

* * *

My Edward-less month passed by rather quickly much to my liking so before I knew it, I was sitting on a plane next to Alice. It was similar to our first trip to Miami, with Alice's drool running down my shoulder in the stringy fashion that it had the first time. My ear buds were stuffed into my ears and the soulful voice of Ray Lamontagne helped me relax into my uncomfortable airplane seat. There was one big difference between this flight and the last one.

"How come she's not drooling on _your_ shoulder?" I asked Jasper as I gave Alice's head a little nudge. There were no signs of consciousness except for a few smacks of her lips as she nuzzled further into my shirt.

He grinned and leaned forward to look at her. "You have to admit, she's adorable when she drools in her sleep."

I cocked my head so I could get a good look, maybe catching a drift of some of said adorableness. "I don't see it. If you think it's so delightful, then you let her flood the sleeve of your shirt."

Jasper gently moved Alice over so that her head flopped down on his shoulder. She let out an annoyed groan, furrowed her brows and mumbled, "Let the dogs out…" in her sleep.

I looked up at Jasper with a curious expression on my face.

He shrugged his free shoulder. "I was in the mood to listen to some 90's pop music last night while we were packing."

I grimaced. "I can't believe you just admitted to listening to The Baha Men."

"It was the radio, not a CD, and _you_ just admitted to knowing who sings that song. That…" He laughed humorlessly and shook his head, "is humiliating."

With a frown on my face I turned slightly in my seat, toward Jasper. "If you want to talk about humiliating, how about we bring up Celine?"

Jasper narrowed his eyes and his mouth opened then closed…then opened again. "You promised."

The previous winter, the schools had closed down early for the weather so I arrived home earlier than expected. As soon as I walked into the house, I knew something was off. I could hear the shower running, the door to the bathroom wide open, and there was some wretched singing coming from behind the curtain. It was Jasper and he was belting out the lyrics to _All By Myself_…perfectly. His voice left something to be desired but he knew every word, every hum and it was 'a capella' so it was all by heart. When he'd found out that he'd been caught, it left him deeply in debt. Even Alice didn't know about that one.

I grinned mischievously. "You better be nice to me, then."

A smirk played at his lips. "Are you thirsty, Bella?" I shook my head. "Hungry? Because I hear the peanuts are fantastic." I shook my head again, with a smile. He tilted his head and continued, "Do you need another pillow? Or how about a heated blanket?"

I rolled my eyes. "Give it up, Jasper; your secret is safe with me."

"You're too easy," he replied.

"Who let the dogs out…" Alice whined in her sleep and then snorted like a truck driver with infected sinuses.

"I think Alice is the one who should be embarrassed in this situation," I told Jasper. "I mean, she's the one who loves that song so much that it's seeped into her subconscious. You have to love a song pretty damn much if you sing it in your sleep."

Jasper looked at his sleeping beauty with consideration in his eyes. Probably, he was balancing his response with his dirty little Celine secret. He sighed and looked up at me, "Yeah, she _should_ be mortified."

The remainder of the flight was spent bickering at each other in a brother-sister-like fashion. He hounded me about my wedding and I hounded him about his engagement. I knew that Jasper was going to marry Alice and she knew it, too; otherwise my engagement to Edward would have put her through the ringer. Jasper was just waiting for the right moment and he wanted to make sure that his bar was going to be a success since his inheritance was moot.

The drive to the beach house wasn't as exciting as the last time. Surprising what you see when you're not clutching onto the upholstery of the car seat like your life depends on it. The blue sky, the palm trees that swayed in the refreshing warm breeze brought on by the ocean, the tourists in big hats and loud clothes.

Miami was known as a party town and I wasn't a party kind of girl but this city seemed magical to me. Perhaps, because it was where I fell in love with Edward or maybe because it was the first trip I'd taken out of Washington since I'd left Phoenix. Something about this city made me feel so alive and the anxiety in my tummy turned to excitement. I was eager to see Rose and Emmett and keyed up to spend a couple of days on the beach with my toes in the sand but there wasn't a word for how excited I was to see Edward.

The past month had been busy, but we managed to talk every day and even managed to Skype a few times a week. His job had settled down a little and the best news came a week after we got engaged in Montana: He finally persuaded his Mom to sign papers so that they could sell the house. He told me that she still wasn't convinced that this was the best route to take but she had missed Edward and Carlisle too much. The absence of their presence in her life was too profound, and it took a toll on her. The therapists at the hospital helped her see this and with a colorful curse, she signed her name on the realty paperwork.

The fact that she had signed the papers didn't dissuade me from e-mailing back James Walsh, the paranormal investigator, to set up a meeting. It was set for the day before Thanksgiving in Chicago at Esme and Carlisle's house. Passing the test would be the easy part-convincing Edward would be more difficult. I knew he would fight me on it but hopefully, he would realize that it would be a harmless way for him to keep the house he was raised in, and for me to move to Chicago.

For the past month, my mind swirled with how the money could help everyone I loved. Paying for Elizabeth's hospital care was just the beginning. I could get the best surgeon to come in and fix my Dad's hip, buy Esme her dream shop, and perhaps buy a home in Chicago. I was realistic; I knew that I couldn't do everything with it that I wanted to but so many opportunities came with half a million dollars.

When we pulled into the driveway, I looked at the Realty sign at the end of the driveway with disdain. Rose was flying out of the house before the cab came to a stop, and Emmett was right on her heels. We hugged, and pulled the luggage out of the trunk as Alice paid the driver. After lugging everything into the house, we dropped it in the living room and grinned at each other.

"Rose! You look amazing!" I told her because she did. Her face was glowing with happiness and her figure seemed fuller than it had back in the summer. She had always been classically beautiful but now she was an image of perfection.

She waved me off with her hand but her smile grew as she snuck a glance at Emmett. "You look pretty good yourself, Bella, especially with that ring on your finger."

I held up my finger for her to see and she gushed over the unique setting of the diamond band. My chest puffed out with pride and I bit down on my bottom lip to keep myself from giggling like a twelve year old girl.

After settling ourselves in our rooms, we gathered into the kitchen where Emmett had finished making us tacos. The sun had set quickly and after I had shoved three tacos into my mouth, my belly sent a message to my brain that full equals sleepy. I yawned and looked over at Alice. I was pretty sure she had only eaten half a taco so I made a mental note to check on her before going up to bed.

"You girls want to sit outside with me for a bit? I think Em and Jasper have some manly things they want to do," Rose said with a grin.

Emmett stood up and pumped his muscles at us. "X-box!" he yelled. "Jasper, are you ready to try and beat me at Call of Duty? I have to warn you, I've been practicing."

Jasper's eye twitched. "I'm so gonna kick your ass."

"You want to go down to the sand or sit up here on the patio?" Rose asked as we stepped outside. The warmth of the air had vanished with the sun as dusk completely took over. The chilly air licked my skin, causing goosebumps to pop out on my flesh, but I didn't want to cover up with a sweater. I wanted to feel the freshness of it filling my pores until I couldn't take it anymore. It wasn't nearly as cold as Seattle but the change of temperature was palpable since I had left in July.

"I vote for the beach," I said. "I've been dreaming of walking barefoot in the sand for the past month."

We pulled off our shoes, threw them by the door and walked side by side out to the beach chairs that were sitting out a hundred yards away from the ocean. They squeaked as we plopped down in them, the cold plastic against my arms made me shiver and I thought twice about that sweater.

"When is Edward coming down?" Rose asked, letting her head fall back against the chair. "I have some things I need to talk to him about in regards to the music."

"He's coming tomorrow afternoon," I told her. "Then on Sunday, we have to leave for Jacksonville for a few days."

"Driving?" Her lip pulled up into a sneer as I nodded. Rosalie hated road trips. "You know it's like six hours away in a car, right?"

"Yeah, but I'm not going to complain about being in a cramped space with Edward for six hours," I replied with a wicked smile. "I think we can keep each other occupied."

"Damn, Bella, you're a horn-dog now," Rose teased. "What happened to our sweet virginal girl who used to plug her ears when any PG-13 conversation popped up? Now you're talking about road head like it's your day job."

Alice spit out some beer in a spray all over her feet and I frowned at Rose. "I was talking about conversation and…and…maybe some travel games."

Rose cocked an eyebrow. "Oh, there she is," she said with a grin. "I thought you got lost somewhere between Edward's hips."

I couldn't help but giggle as I tossed the cap to my water bottle at her. It managed to bounce off her head and land somewhere behind her in the sand.

"Litterbug!" she exclaimed.

I sneered and retorted with a muttered, "Nosey whore."

"Can we talk about the wedding now?" Alice spat. "Or do we have to keep bickering like old ladies."

"I'm all game for more bickering," I answered. "Rose?"

She made a face like she was considering her options. "Bickering is kind of fun."

"Guys," Alice whined, "we won't have time to talk about this stuff until Wednesday since Bella will be gone. I think we should have a Bachelorette party tomorrow night." Alice bounced a little in her seat and clapped her hands daintily. "We could hit up Wet Willie's, have some drinks, get some girl talk in."

"Sounds good to me," Rose chimed in. "I'm game for some drunken fun with my bitches."

As embarrassing and horrible as it felt, I wasn't game. I hadn't seen Rose in a few months and I hadn't spent a lot of time with Alice lately so I should have been bouncing along with Alice. However, all I could think about was Edward. He would be here tomorrow afternoon and I hadn't seen him in a month. I felt like locking ourselves up, getting him naked, licking him everywhere and doing dirty, dirty things until neither of us could walk.

I was in the middle of a Bella-riding-Edward fantasy when Alice calling my name snapped me to attention. Thank God I was a girl because if I had a penis, it would be pitching a tent in my pants in that instance.

"You really don't have to come, Bella," Rose murmured. "I know how you feel about crowds, and considering what happened at Wet Willie's during the summer…" she trailed off and an awkward silence fell upon us like a dark cloud.

"No, I want to come," I announced because I really did want to go. These were my two best girlfriends…correction: _only_ two girlfriends so giving up the night was hardly a sacrifice. Edward and I would have plenty of sexy time. Hell, we'd have years and years of sexy time ahead of us. Sexy time that would include loads of licking and sucking and pounding and…

"Bella?" Alice asked with her narrowed eyes looking deeply into mine.

I flinched a little at the sound of her voice. "What?"

"You look…" she narrowed her eyes further and I blinked as if I were afraid she could read my mind through my irises. "You get that same look when you haven't eaten all day."

I shook my head to snap myself out of it. "I really do want to go tomorrow night. Hell, if my girls can't keep me safe, then who can, right?"

Alice stretched and yawned. "I'm beat," she groaned, "Time for bed."

I nodded in agreement.

"It's only nine o' clock! You guys are freaking lame. Maybe, I shouldn't let you be in charge of my Bachelorette party. We'll probably end up playing chess and drinking watered down Brandy all night."

Alice frowned at Rose. "I happen to know some pretty cool people who play Chess, Rosalie."

Alice had been on the Fork's Chess Team all four years of her high school career. She has a trophy and a reputation in Dorkville to prove it.

Rose waved a dismissive hand at us as she rose from her chair. "Whatever."

Apparently, tacos don't stay with me long so before bed I filled up a bowl with Fruit Loops and sat down at the kitchen island. Emmett and Rose said their good nights as Jasper got his coffee ready for the next day. Jasper was a stickler about his coffee and we learned the hard way not to get in his way. He does a fantastic impression of Jack Torrance when his coffee isn't just right. The good thing is that post-first cup, he was willing to share. I had to admit, it was pretty good stuff but it was not ax-through-the-door-because-I-want-to-kill-someone good.

Alice sat down across from me and rubbed her eyes with her fingers. Someone could pass off the wrinkle between her brows and odd way she couldn't sit still as exhaustion but not me. I knew my roommate like the back of my hand…well, technically better than the back of my hand since I saw freckles across my knuckles just the other day that I'd never noticed before. I knew Alice better than I knew myself. "I feel like I could sleep a week."

"How's your book coming along, Alice?" I asked. If I asked her straight up what was bothering her, she'd close up.

She nodded and the corners of her mouth twitched. "It's finished."

My mouth fell open and a fruit loop fell out but fuck the fruit loop. "What?"

"I finished it a couple of weeks ago," she said as a grin spread across her face.

"Why didn't you tell me? I want to read it!" I told her.

Jasper let out a bark of a laugh. "She won't even let me read the first chapter."

Alice rolled her eyes. "I'm waiting to hear back from a few publishing companies. I jumped the gun a couple months ago and sent some query letters out. I've heard back from a couple saying that they aren't interested but I'm still waiting on some others."

"Why can't we read it?" I asked.

Jasper looked at her, waiting for an answer that, apparently, he'd never gotten.

She shrugged a shoulder. "What if it sucks? I can't bear the thought of one of you reading it and telling me that it's amazing when it really isn't. I'm afraid that you won't want to tell me the truth because you're afraid that it will break me." Her eyes became glassy and she pinched her forehead with her fingers. "You know what scares me the most? What if the truth does break me? What if I can't handle the fact that the past couple years of my life have been spent writing a book that will never be published because the plot sucks or the characters aren't likeable?"

Jasper rubbed his hands over Alice's back as a few tears escaped. "I won't pressure you, Baby, just take your time."

I sighed because as sweet as Jasper's surrender was meant, it wasn't what Alice needed; Alice needed a teensy weensy little shove in the right direction. "What do _you_ think of your book, Alice?"

She cleared her throat and wiped her cheek with the back of her hand. "I don't know…I think its okay."

I tilted my head and glared at her. "Alice? What do you think of your book?"

She pressed her lips together in an attempt at hiding her smirk. "I think it's fucking great."

"Then it probably is," I told her. "You'll never know what other people think until you let them read it. We'll be honest and if we think it sucks, then you'll fix it. It's an achievement to even finish a book in the first place."

"It's just so stressful," she mumbled. "I don't want to waste your time."

I scoffed and Jasper's hand became frantic as he continued to rub her back. "It would be an honor to read your first book."

"Even if it sucks?"

"Especially if it sucks because after you've published your tenth book, we can look back on this and laugh our asses off," I said, winking at her. "You're a brilliant writer."

Her smile was genuine and another tear caressed her cheek before Jasper could catch it with his thumb. "You think so?"

I stuffed a spoonful of cereal into my mouth and around it, I answered, "I know so."

This was what friendship was about. Honesty. Bickering. Talking with your mouth full with no fear of judgments. After the conversation with Alice, I felt guilty for dreading my time away from Edward to go out with them. Without my girls, I wasn't sure where I would be.

**~~AMS~~**

It was three o'clock and I had just chewed my last nail to the bone. Edward's flight had come in ninety minutes ago and he still wasn't here. I wasn't sure if it was worry over his well being, my need to hug him or my desire to pounce on him that was keeping my legs moving. It was possible that it was all three that made me pace and chew at my nails.

The night before I had gotten a text from him that told me that family therapy night with his Mom didn't go very well and that he wouldn't be able to talk to me before bed. His flight left early this morning, had a quick layover in Memphis and was arriving here at 1:35pm.

"You're pathetic, Swan," I told myself. "Pull yourself together."

The little scolding I gave myself was not effective. My phone vibrated in my hand and I jumped and fumbled it as I answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Babe, how are ya?"

I smiled automatically at the sound of Edward's voice. "I'm good," I lied, "Just hanging out with the crew on the beach."

"Sounds like fun," he mumbled. "I don't think I'm going to be able to make it."

He was such a liar. I could hear it in his voice. Little did he know that this wasn't a good time to be pulling my leg. "Oh…huh…that's okay," I teased, calmly. "Guess I'll have to lose the ring and go find myself one of those muscle guys that you always warned me about."

He growled playfully. "You'd better start running now because I'm ten minutes away and when I get there, you're in serious trouble."

Then he hung up.

Fight or flight kicked in immediately. The immature side of my brain that was utterly obsessed with Edward's body parts wanted to squeal, do a little dance and find the nearest closet to play a perverted game of Hide-N-Go-Seek. However, the school teacher and twenty-six year old in me was planting her feet on the carpet and being reasonable.

"Fuck reasonable," I muttered.

I ran up the stairs two at a time, and panicked for a moment in the hallway because I swore I heard a car pull up. That had definitely not been ten minutes-the big fat liar. I giggled as I jumped into the bathroom, then into the shower where I did my best to stay quiet. The sound of the front door opened and closed and I took slow breaths in through my nostrils and out through my mouth. This whole scenario was a mixture of a really good porno and a terrifying horror movie.

I could hear pounding on the steps, and the hallway floor creaked as heavy footsteps crossed the floor. No one called out like I expected but instead the footsteps lead directly to the bathroom I was currently concealed in, behind the maroon shower curtain.

The thought occurred to me that perhaps he had seen where I went, even though he hadn't been in the house. I also considered the fact that it was coincidentally the first place he looked for me. What I hadn't considered, until I heard the voice, that it wasn't Edward closing the door to the bathroom, and locking us in together.

"Shit! When am I going to learn? Jelly doughnuts go right the fuck through me!" Emmet's voice was a hissed scolding.

My eyes popped wide and I covered my mouth with my hand as the sound of clothes shuffling down legs, to the floor interrupted the silence. My reasonable side was pinching her nose and pointing angrily at my immature, horny side. Indecision and fright kept my feet planted on the porcelain tub and my hand glued to my mouth.

One repetitive thought flushed through my mind as my stomach clenched at the sounds of Emmett's noises of relief: _Tomorrow, I'd laugh about this…tomorrow, I'd laugh about this…tomorrow, I'd laugh about this. _The sound of a newspaper crinkling echoed off the tile and I almost caved in on myself.

Ten minutes later, there was a knock on the door and after an aggravated sigh, Emmett yelled out, "What?"

"Hey, Em, I was looking for Bella." Oh, sweet Jesus, it was Edward. If there was ever a time to be rescued, it would be now. I wanted to call out to him but instead I stood like a deer in headlights. I had to choose between taking a breath of foul air to call out Edward's name or suffering through it to avoid humiliation.

"Edward! Did you just get here?" The newspaper crumpled and a deep grunt came from Emmett. I was sure at that point that I'd never live through this experience. They'd find me -laying in the tub- a victim of self-suffocation.

"Yeah, a few minutes ago."

"Have a good flight?"

Why did men have to be so weird? Did they not find this odd at all? Having a conversation through the bathroom door while one of them was having a bowel movement? Fucking weird.

"It wasn't bad but I'm starved. Is there anything to eat in the kitchen?"

I was willing to bet that every last jelly doughnut had been consumed.

"Uh…eat whatever you can find! I'll be down in a few!"

"If you see Bella, tell her that I'm here," Edward said.

_No! No! Don't leave me here like this!_

Emmett barked out a laugh and I jumped at the noise. "If she was in here, she'd be unconscious!"

He had no idea how unconscious I wish that I was.

When the ordeal was over, and the toilet had been flushed and gobs of air freshener had been sprayed into the air, I was still very much alive. Emmett washed his hands as he whistled, apparently feeling much better than he had twenty minutes ago, and left the bathroom. I waited an extra minute to make sure that he didn't come back for his newspaper or round two.

When I climbed out of the tub, I felt as if I'd run a mile with cement tied around my ankles. I washed my hands just because and stalked out into the hallway. There was no way I could look Emmett in the eye so I wandered to my room, and found Edward there going through one of his bags.

"Hey," I said, my voice sounding weak. It sucked that my excitement over seeing him had been zapped by the incident in the bathroom.

His head snapped toward me and his brows furrowed. "What happened?"

"Something…something horrible."

He walked to me and gathered me up into a hug. "Where were you? I looked everywhere for you." He pulled away from me and looked me in the eye, a grimace on his face. "Why do you smell like…dryer sheets."

I whimpered. "It's the bathroom spray. Fresh linen. I'll never do laundry again without getting flashbacks."

Confusion flushed over his face and he shook his head. "What are you talking about?"

"When you told me, on the phone, to start running because you were going to get me, I took that literally. I…I hid in the bathroom…in the shower."

"In the bathroom? I thought that…Emmett was…" he trailed off. When the realization hit him, he pressed his lips into a tight line and his cheeks clenched. "You were in the bathroom?"

My face contorted painfully and I said each word slowly, "The whole time."

One second, he was holding onto my shoulders and the next, he was on the floor, doubled over with laughter. I tilted my head and tried desperately to keep myself from doing the same thing. As I watched him hold his stomach, and laugh so hard that his face turned a bright shade of red, I started laughing with him.

Before I knew it, he grabbed me and pulled me down with him. I sat on his lap and we looked at each other once before bursting into another fit of giggles.

"You…are the…strongest woman…I've ever met," he said between laughs. "I haven't laughed that hard since…I can't remember when the last time I laughed like that."

I laughed with him. "I'm glad I amuse you."

He grabbed my face and kissed me hard on the lips. "Christ, I love you and I missed you so fucking much."

His expression turned serious as he looked in my eyes, then my nose, then my lips as if he were trying to memorize me in that moment. In twenty years would we look back on this moment and remember it as "the good old days"? The answer was in those green eyes that penetrated mine and in his arms that seemed to tighten as my gaze fell to his lips. If this was one of those moments, then I'd have to make it memorable.

I pressed my lips to his and he moaned as my tongue wasted no time in invading his mouth. My fingers tugged at his hair, and caressed his scalp as he grew hard against my hip. All of the excitement over seeing him came back ten fold as my body responded to his, and I shifted on top of him, straddling him.

His lips retreated from mine but they did not go far, as they floated over my cheek and over the soft skin under my ear. The feel of his hot breath on my skin and his two-day-old beard rubbing against my neck caused me to shudder. I rubbed against him and he hissed against my skin. His hips raised from the floor in an uncontrollable fashion; the hardness of him moving against my center, almost in a requiring manner.

"We should close the door," he groaned.

I pulled away from his lips, and put a hand on his stubbled jaw. As soon as I turned my gaze from his eyes to the door, it slammed violently shut.

His eyes were wide when I looked back to him but a smile played at his lips. "Can you lock it, too?"

With a glance, the door lock clicked and the curtains drew clumsily shut. "Better?"

"Not yet," he said, huskily. "Let's get those clothes off."

**~~AMS~~**

Sunday came quickly after a night out on the town with my two favorite girls. I hadn't drunk a lot but I could never hold my booze, so after one and a half girly drinks, I was tipsy. Rose got hammered and sweet water-drinking Alice drove both our asses home. Apparently, when I was tipsy, I made worse decisions than when I wasn't because I ended up telling both of them about the bathroom incident. I also danced, which unfortunately was not improved with alcohol. I ended up kneeing some guy in the balls on accident, and slapping Alice across the face during one of my twirl moves.

Tipsy sex was different. With my inhibitions lowered and my self-esteem raised to the standards of drunken whores, I took control. As soon as I got Edward to the bedroom, I pushed him onto the bed, yanked his clothes off of him and told him to "hold on tight". He laughed a little at that but damn it if that didn't make me more determined.

After the night was over, he asked me if I'd consider getting tipsy more often. In an effort to be sexy, I tickled his groin with my fingers and asked him where the vodka was. Somehow, that didn't sound sexy, the next morning, when I replayed it in my head as we packed up the rented Volvo and climbed inside.

"Ready?" he asked.

I pushed my sunglasses further up on my nose and nodded once. "Ready."

We waved to the gang as we turned around and pulled out of the driveway.

Five minutes later, it was confirmed that I was with the perfect guy because he pulled into a gas station. He got out with out a word, smirked at me and closed his door. I shamelessly watched his ass as he sauntered into the gas station. His ass was like a miracle on two legs. He had on loose jeans with a torn back pocket, and they fit him like a glove. The perfect man with the perfect ass and he was mine.

I looked at my engagement ring for the five-hundred-millionth time. I never wore rings in my life because they made my fingers feel suffocated. This one didn't bother me. It just felt right.

A few minutes later, the perfect man and his perfect ass came out of the gas station with two gigantic gas station Cappuccinos.

"I love you," I said to him as he handed me one, "with all my heart."

He chuckled. "Yours is English Toffee. Is that okay?"

I sighed. "Perfect."

An hour into the ride, he humored me with a travel game. We played twenty questions, where one of us thinks of an object and the other one has twenty questions to guess what the object is. Of course, it turned dirty and body parts came into it. It got sort of dull after Edward's manhood had been conquered so the game fizzled out.

We sat in silence for a little while, watching cars pass and the sun moving across the sky. There hadn't been any serious conversation since we had arrived in Miami so we were past due. I had a lot to talk to him about and it was good timing, since he was stuck in this car with me. Plus, I was having surgery in a couple of days. Arguing wasn't good for someone who was having surgery.

"Does your Mom feel better about the house, yet?" I asked, turning down the radio.

"Uh…she's resigned to the fact that we have to sell it," he told me. "I looked into buying it but I can't get approved since I've got a shit load of student loans and I haven't been at the law firm very long."

"What about Carlisle?"

"I won't let him do it," he said.

"Why?"

He was quiet for a few beats before answering, "Because Carlisle and Esme have given up too much already. I don't want them going into debt so we can keep the house. Selling the house is supposed to make this easier for all of us, not more difficult."

I cleared my throat. "What if I could help?"

He cut his eyes to me. "I don't want you going into debt over this, either."

"I wouldn't," I said, shaking my head. "Actually, there is a way I could help with your Mom's hospital bills."

His hands tightened on the steering wheel. "How do you mean?"

"Well, there's this group, called JWEF and they investigate claims that…" I trailed off, realizing how ridiculous this must have sounded to him.

"They investigate what kind of claims?" he asked.

"Paranormal claims," I replied.

He let out a sigh and ran a hand through his hair. "How could this group help pay my Mom's hospital bills?"

"Well, they have this challenge…a half million dollar challenge that pays someone who can show evidence of any paranormal or supernatural ability. I could-"

"Bella, I appreciate the thought but I couldn't let you do that."

I narrowed my eyes a little. "This is a legitimate non-profit organization. I've done my research so don't tell me that you're not going to 'let' me do it."

"Bella, I didn't mean it like that. All I said was that I don't want you to jeopardize yourself just so we can keep this house. It's just a house. Sure, there are a lot of memories and yes, it's hard to see it go but it's _just_ a house."

I shifted in my seat so I could face him. "I've had to live with this curse my entire life. It's cost me my mother, my childhood and God knows what else. I have an opportunity to actually get something for it."

"Are you happy?" he asked.

"Of course I'm happy but-"

"Your gift has made you the person you are today, Bella. This extraordinary and beautiful malfunction in your brain has led you to where you are right now," he said, and then turned to me. "That has to count for something."

"So, you think we wouldn't be together if I didn't have this thing inside me?"

"It's not a thing; it's a part of who you are just as much as Alice's ability to write or Emmett's talent with football is a part of them," he told me, grabbing my hand. "To answer your question, I don't think we'd even know each other and if we did, we might not even like each other."

I grinned at him and thought about what he said. "I still don't see how this could be a bad thing."

An annoyed groan came from deep in his throat. "If you do this, they're going to use you for publicity. Your life will never be the same and in turn, neither will mine."

The image of circus shows and countless interviews had passed through my mind but there would be ways around it. The JWEF was known for its professionalism and loyalty toward paranormal claimants.

"Could you at least look at the website before you say no?" He looked at me skeptically. "I need you for this, Edward, and not just because I need your skin to make it work."

"Okay," he replied. "I'll look at it but I can tell you right now that I still won't like it."

"We could do amazing things with this money, you know," I told him.

He let go of my hand and wrapped his hand around the gear shift. I could feel the tension that permeated from his body and flushed through the car like a hot breeze. "I can guarantee you that none of those 'amazing things' would be worth it."

* * *

**A/N: What would you do if you were trapped in a bathroom with Emmett on the toilet? There's so much I want to say right now but a screaming toddler is a huge distraction. Darn kids.**

**Next chapter, we do the BM transplant. Please, please review! Thank you!**


	30. Chapter 30 Sisters growing up, apart

**A/N-Thanks to everyone who reads/reviews. Thanks to SR for making sure I don't sound like an idiot. Just a reminder: I am not an expert. I did a little research on bone marrow transplants but it's possible that I will sound like a blithering idiot in this chapter. If so, pardon my ignorance, please.**

**Disclaimer: SM owns all characters**

**Chapter song: "Open Your Eyes" by Snowpatrol**

* * *

Nemour's Children's Clinic was a nine story building located in southern Jacksonville along the St. John's River. Surrounded by palm trees, beautiful foliage, and a large American flag that snapped as the breeze off the river swept this way and that. It was a gloomy day and I wasn't nearly as nervous as I should have been, I supposed. This was the day that something from my body would be taken out and tomorrow it would be put into my half-sister. Hopefully, I was helping to save her life.

I hadn't seen Bree since arriving in Jacksonville the day before although I knew she had been here-at the clinic-for the past week and a half. Renee had called while we were driving up from Miami, for no particular reason except to make sure we were still going to be here. She didn't say that out loud…it was just that obvious.

"You okay?" Edward asked, after he had settled the car into a spot in the parking garage. He turned the key and the engine grew silent except for a few clicking noises as the heat escaped from under the hood. "We still have plenty of time before we have to be up there."

I shook my head. "Let's go on up; I'd like to be able to see Bree and see how she's doing since I may not get to see her tomorrow."

We got out of the car and found the parking garage elevator in the northeast corner. Silently, we pushed the button for the main floor and walked in. Even though it was empty, we stuffed ourselves in a corner as Edward wrapped his arms around my waist from behind. I leaned into him, my back against his warm chest and my head on his shoulder. He kissed the top of my head and I closed my eyes briefly, just until the ding alerted us that we had reached our destination.

The small hospital wasn't as busy as I imagined-mostly because it wasn't a full-fledged hospital. Nemour's Children's Clinic specialized in Pediatric Oncology and according to Renee; we should consider ourselves lucky to be able to treat Bree here. When she had told me that, I thought she was blowing smoke up my ass because she wanted me to come to Jacksonville but now that I was here, I believed her.

We passed a common area where families gathered around each other, chatting and passing the time while one of their loved ones was getting treated. I thought of the strength that it took to smile when your child was upstairs getting infused with Chemo or being blasted by Radiation that would take all their energy and make them sick.

I'd only been here for five minutes and I was already humbled by what I saw. At the front desk in the lobby there was a friendly-looking receptionist chatting on the phone. Behind her was a wall of drawings, some in crayon and some more detailed in colored pencil. On each drawing was a child's name and an age; some were as young as three. My eyes bounced from one side of the wall to the next, frantically searching for the familiar name of Bree. My sister. _Oh Jesus, I had a sister._

That's when I knew that no matter how much I detested Renee, I couldn't allow myself to be pulled from her life. As unfamiliar as she was, she was my family and chances are, she wasn't the kind of family that would toss me out with the trash. If she wanted me in her life, I would watch her grow up and give her the best advice I could. Tears filled my eyes as I imagined her falling in love for the first time, getting married and calling me to tell me that I was going to be an Aunt. For twenty-five years of my life, being an Aunt was an impossibility. Now, because of Bree, it wasn't. I wasn't going to let Renee run me off because I deserved this. And so did Bree.

The warmth and firmness of a hand on my back brought me back to the present. "You okay?"

I took a deep breath and wiped at my eyes. "Yeah, I just-"

"Can I help you, honey?" The woman behind the desk smiled at me as she asked and I couldn't help but smile back. Her name badge told me that her name was Jen.

When I didn't answer, Edward piped in for me.

"Uh…yeah, we were wondering which room Bree Dwyer is in?" His voice was confident and strong, and I was so glad he came because my façade of independence was piss poor at the moment. "We wanted to visit her."

She typed away at the computer, furrowed her brows and then looked up at us. "She's in the ICU on the 4th floor," she said, pointing a finger down the hallway. "The elevator is down that way and to the right. It's not far; you'll see signs for it."

"Is she supposed to be in the ICU?" Edward whispered into my ear as we walked down the hallway.

I nodded. "They have to do extensive Chemo and Radiation on her before she gets the transplant. Renee said that it helps prepare her immune system to accept my bone marrow."

We reached the 4th floor and the difference between the lobby and ICU was astounding. Nurses and doctors were buzzing around, beds were being moved and monitors were beeping. It was intimidating but Edward took my hand and guided me to the desk where we waited patiently for someone to have a moment to respond to our awkward intrusion.

"Can I help you?" A nurse with gorgeous brown skin and big wide eyes asked from behind the desk. Her name was Tamara.

"We're looking for Bree Dwyer," I squeaked out.

"Bree?" she asked, cocking an eyebrow. "How do you know Bree?"

I was rather fond of Tamara already, since she had the protective instincts of a Doberman and that was fine by me when it came to looking over kids.

"I'm…uh…I'm donating for her today," I mumbled.

She stared at me for a moment as if she didn't believe me. "I have to get her Mom's permission before you can visit and her Mom isn't here, yet."

"She has to be upstairs for the procedure in an hour," Edward said. "Is there anyway we can call Renee to get permission."

Tamara's expression became a mixture of amusement and annoyance. "Look, Renee and Phil usually get here around 9am so if you want to have a seat, we can ask them when we get here."

"Thanks," I told her. "Where can we wait?"

"There's a small waiting room right through that door," she said, pointing. "If Renee or Phil gets here, I'll ask them for you."

"Okay, thank you," Edward said.

The waiting room was empty and small. There were eight chairs arranged in a square, a few tables with magazines and a coffee pot in the corner. I could smell the coffee brewing as soon as I walked through the door and I moaned as the odor sent a needy message to my brain.

"Stay away from the coffee," Edward said. "I don't want you getting sick because you need a little caffeine."

It was funny how hungry you got when you weren't supposed to eat. Ten o'clock the night before had been my cut off for everything except for clear fluids. Coffee was one thing that I was allowed to have but it had to be decaf. Plus, Edward was being paranoid so all he would let me have was water. I snuck a Sprite the night before after he'd fallen asleep. With a wicked grin, I sat on the toilet in our hotel room and drank it down like a rebel.

"Coffee is so much more than caffeine, Edward," I told him. "Do you think she'll let me visit Bree?"

Edward shrugged. "You know her better than I do but from what you've told me, I think she'd say no just to be a bitch."

"Probably," I replied.

We had twenty minutes left when the door to the waiting room creaked open and in walked my estranged mother. Her hair was pulled back into a bun and still damp from her shower, and her eyes were cautiously wide. I stood up as she walked in and Edward stood up next to me. She glanced at him once, and then ran her palm over her exposed forearms as if she were cold.

"They said that you want to visit with Bree?" Her tone suggested that she had no idea why I would want to do that. "When do you have to be upstairs?"

I ignored her second question. "I just want to see her. There's a chance that I may not get to see her before I have to go back to Miami on Wednesday so I-"

She cut me off. "Her immune system is severely deficient right now so they have to keep visitors to a minimum. It's nice that you want to see her but I don't think it's a good idea."

She crossed her arms over her chest and looked at Edward, again. If I liked her and thought she deserved to know him, I would have introduced them. She wasn't worthy of the knowledge of this amazing man's name beside me. His arm went around my shoulder and he squeezed as if asking my permission to speak.

"Could you tell her something for me, then?" I asked.

She frowned and nodded as she shifted her weight from foot to foot.

"Tell her that I came by and that I want her know that I'm thinking about her." Tears filled my eyes and I thought about the little girl, somewhere in this hospital, with a weak and destroyed body. "Could you tell her that she's the bravest person that I've ever met and I can't wait to see her again? Tell her that I'll call her as soon as she's well enough to take phone calls. Tell her that-"

Renee cut me off for the second time. "You can visit for ten minutes but you have to scrub in and wear a protective mask."

I held in an eye roll. "Of course," I told her, "but if you think that this puts her in danger, I won't go in."

She studied me for a moment. "All of us put her in danger but…" she pressed her lips together before continuing, "she'd kill me if she found out you were here and I didn't let you go in."

We walked past rooms, each of them encased with glass and double doors. The beds inside the rooms were hidden behind thick navy blue curtains. When we got to the end, we turned left and stopped in front of room number 424. Renee turned around and looked at me with her mouth slightly open, as if she were ready to make an announcement but nothing came out.

I turned to Edward, and gave him my engagement ring and a peck on the lips before following Renee through the first set of double doors. It closed with a loud sucking noise and I grinned at Edward on the other side of the glass.

"Scrub your hands with this," she handed me a rough sponge, "and then put on these gloves. You'll have to wear a sterile gown and one of these masks."

She put them down on the counter next to the sink and walked toward the door.

"You aren't coming in with me?"

The door opened and she walked out without answering me.

"Apparently not," I muttered to myself.

I had watched Noah Wylie scrub in enough times on ER to know that you had to get under the fingernails and up the wrist. After repeating that motion a few times, I put on my mask and gown, and snapped on my gloves. The second door opened with a similar noise as the first one had and I walked in, past the curtain.

The first time I had met Bree, she didn't have the glow of youth in her face. Her skin had been pale and her body had been thin but there was still this spark in her eyes. This did not look like that girl; she looked so much worse. Her body was thin; her hip bones sticking up from under the blanket and her closed eyes were dark. Tubes ran out of her arms, from under the blanket and across her face and I couldn't help but shudder when I imagined what she must have felt like, lying there.

"It looks worse than it is," she whispered.

My eyes snapped to hers and I smiled, forgetting that I had a mask on to cover up my mouth. "Hey, kiddo, how's it going?"

"That's kind of a stupid question," she said, a smile playing at her lips. "It really does look worse than it is."

I gathered my wits and moved closer to her. "You actually look pretty good lying there," I told her then added, "comfy."

She snorted weakly. "When do you have to go in for your procedure?"

"I have to be up there in a few minutes but I wanted to see you first," I told her.

Her brows twitched and her expression sobered. "Are you afraid that I'm going to die?"

My chest constricted and my knees almost buckled. "No! No, it's just that I might not get to see you before I head back to Miami."

"What's in Miami?"

"One of my best friends…well, two of my best friends are getting married," I told her. I figured being present for one of Emmett's bowel movements got me into the "best friend" category.

A smile played on her lips. "Are you in the wedding?" I nodded. "Do you have to wear one of those hot pink frilly dresses with big ruffles as sleeves?"

"I sure hope not," I mumbled. Anxiety filled my belly at the thought of the dresses Rose had picked out for us. I hadn't given it much thought until Bree mentioned it but Rose did have a thing for ruffles. "I get to see my dress on Thursday."

Bree sighed. "I wish you could stay here with me all day."

Tears welled in my eyes and I held in a sob. "I wish I could, too."

"Don't tell my Mom that I said this," she said, her voice suddenly hoarse and broken, "but I'm scared."

My desire to grab her and hug her was intense but I didn't want to put her in danger with my proximity so I grabbed the bedrail instead.

"I'm scared too, sweetie." It was the truth.

No, I wasn't scared of the anesthesia or the incisions or the extraction of my bone marrow. I was scared for my sister and how her body would recover from the transplant. During my many sleepless nights back in Seattle, I had swept the internet for information on the transplant procedure. Complications could take place as far as a year from the actual transplant so even if things went well, initially, it didn't mean she was clear. It would be a long time before Bree's life would be normal, if it ever was.

"Is someone here with you?" she asked.

I nodded. "Edward is here with me."

If she had eyebrows, they would have rose up to her hairline. "Pull the curtain, Bella, I want to see what he looks like."

With a smirk, I pulled the curtain so that the hallway was visible to her. Edward had his back to us and he was watching what was going on around him. Or possibly he was looking at the clock on the wall. Yep, he was definitely looking at the clock.

"He has a nice butt," she said, giggling a little.

I sucked in a breath and slapped her lightly on the thigh. "Bree!"

"Well, he does," she mumbled.

Just then, Edward turned around and caught us staring at him. His eyes widened and I caught the hint of a blush creeping onto his face.

"He's so cute," Bree said, turning toward me. "You're lucky, Bella."

There was sadness in her voice and I pulled the curtain back so that Edward was hidden from our view. I knew what she was thinking because I had had the same thought so many times for different reasons.

"You are the bravest person I've ever met, Bree." Her face crinkled a little and her bottom lip shook. "I think about you all the time and when you're better, you can come see me or I can come see you. I want to hear all your boyfriend stories and tell you that none of them are good enough. I want you to come to my wedding and I…I want you to be my sister. Will you be my sister?"

She choked a little on a cry and I'd never wanted to hold someone so much in my life. Her body was so frail and I wondered how in God's name this was allowed to happen to a child.

"You've always been my sister," she cried. "Even before-"

A tap on the glass interrupted us and just like that-the moment was gone.

"I have to go," I told her then smirked, "Kick this thing in the ass, will ya?"

"For sure," she told me as her tiny fingers wiped tears from her cheeks. "And Bella?"

I turned around before I got to the door. "Yeah?"

"In case my Mom never said it, thank you for doing this."

"You don't have to thank me. I'll see you soon."

An hour later, I was lying in a hospital bed waiting for the preparations to be finished in the surgery suite. The Anesthesiologist had come in and gone over the "sleepy medicine" with me: What to expect and what possible side effects I may encounter afterwards. Edward asked all the right questions that my rattled brain couldn't conjure up. It would have been a miracle if I could have come up with my middle name at that point.

"I feel damn sexy right now," I told Edward as I smoothed out my hospital gown. There was an ID bracelet around my wrist and matching IV plugged into my arm. To top things off, I hadn't worn makeup and there was a hole in my sock.

Edward sighed and bent down to kiss my forehead. "Are you cold? I can get you another blanket."

"If I could have anything right now…" I trailed off.

"Tomorrow, you can have all the coffee you want. I promise," he said with a grin.

A middle-aged nurse with blond hair stepped into the room. Her name was Beth. Beth smiled and asked me questions; the same questions that had been asked by the Anesthesiologist and the first nurse who had come into the room. No, I wasn't allergic to any medications. No, I didn't know how I would react to the "sleepy medicine" because I'd never had it before. No, I didn't have a Living Will…_wait, what?_

"It's just policy that we ask," she told me, sensing the uneasiness in my expression. "You can choose not to answer."

"Uh…" I looked at Edward for any signs that this was an odd question. He didn't seem fazed by it, and he'd been in and out of hospitals with his Mom. "No, I don't have a Living Will."

"Okay," she said, smiling, "they'll be up here for you in a couple of minutes."

She left the room and Edward grabbed my hand.

"You're shaking," I said, threading my fingers through his. "Are _you_ okay?"

He rubbed his free hand over his face and blew out a breath simultaneously. It made a funny noise as the force of his exhale collided with his palm.

When he looked back at me, his eyes were glassy. "I just…seeing you like this is hard. This whole hospital gown and the…never mind."

I shook my head. "No, tell me."

He let out a frustrated groan, leaned down and kissed me hard on the lips. After he pulled back, he came back for a few more gentle ones and then he sat back down in the chair.

"Just know that I love you," he muttered.

I raised my brows. "You're making me kind of paranoid. Did you read some bad reviews about this place or something?" I joked.

"Ever since I put that ring on your finger, I've made all these mental plans for us. Buying a house together, making dinner for you in our kitchen, growing old together-if something happened to you, I don't think I would survive it." He put his palm on my cheek and forced a smirk onto his face. "You know I would do anything for you, right?"

"I do," I answered, "and that's why I love you."

"I'm going to take care of you."

"I know," I said, and kissed his palm.

The shuffling of feet caused us to break eye contact and look toward the door.

It was the Anesthesiologist and Beth, dressed in surgical gowns and little shower caps. Beth maneuvered my fluid bag from one pole to another one attached to the bed, and smiled down at me.

"Ready?" she asked.

I nodded and squeezed Edward's hand. "Ready."

"Okay, we're going to give you a little bit of a sedative through your IV and then when we get down there, we'll give you the mask," the doctor told me, as he plunged a needle into the tube. "We even have flavors for the gas; any preferences?"

I had to laugh at this. "You got strawberry?"

He grinned. "Sure do."

Edward stuck by my rolling bed until they told him that he had to stop. He kissed me deeply and there was some drooling on my end because that sedative was working its magic. I was pretty sure I told him that he had pretty hair before the double doors between us closed him off from my sights.

I remember a gathering of fists transferring my body over to a different bed. I could barely recall someone asking me a question and I replied with a grunt which earned me a round of laughter. Then the sweet smell of strawberries sent me off on a wave of wonderful, dreamless sleep.

**~~AMS~~**

"This is my favorite part of your recovery," Edward mumbled to my backside as he gently applied antibiotic ointment over the tiny incisions on my lower back. I was lying on my belly and at Edward's insistence, I was completely nude. "That's kind of disturbing, isn't it."

I laughed and mumbled, "To each his own."

"Are you in pain?" he asked.

"No, that Vicodin is fantastic," I replied.

"Let me know if you need some Ibuprofen. They said that you could take that with the Vicodin as long as you don't feel nauseous." His tone was authoritative and strong, and I automatically imagined him in a police uniform telling me to put my hands up. Then, he'd cuff me, read me my rights and proceed to show me his gun.

I giggle-snorted. "Cock your gun."

The bed shifted and I opened my eyes to see those greens looking at me intently. "What?"

I snorted again. "Nothing," I told him, "as you were."

He chuckled and I moaned as his strong hand moved up my spine, massaging the surrounding muscles. "Feel good?"

"You have no idea," I told him. "You have magic hands."

"You know, that's not the first time you've told me that."

I grinned into my pillow. "Well, then it must be true."

He pulled the blanket over my naked bottom and stretched himself out beside me on the bed. "I have to cover you up or I'm going to be tempted to prove that theory correct."

I laughed. "Remember, we have to wait 48 hours before any sexual intercourse like Nurse Beth said."

"Did you notice that she gave me the evil eye when she said that?"

"I was too busy giggling at the mention of sexual intercourse to notice who she was looking at. Those sleepy drugs are nice," I said, grinning.

"Well, she did and I didn't appreciate it; made me feel like a pervert."

"You're the one who was just taking advantage of your caretaking position while you were putting ointment on my bum. I know the incisions aren't that big back there that it takes twenty minutes." I raised my eyebrows at him and yawned.

"Yes, and I'm going to do it again in a few minutes because now this silly comforter has wiped off all my hard work," he said with a mischievous grin.

"You're a masochist."

"And you're sleepy-you should get some rest before you start talking about my gun, again," he scolded.

I giggled out a "Yes, Doctor" before closing my eyes and letting sleep take over.

When I woke up, the room was dark except for the bathroom light and thank God for that because all the coffee I had drunk was making my bladder ache. I rose slowly from the bed, feeling the soreness in my rear hip for the first time since the procedure. They told me that there would be some pain so I had expected it.

The soreness reminded me of the time in high school when Alice decided to try a new sport called Rollerblading. At first, it seemed easy but then we ventured upon a small hill and at the bottom, my ass met concrete in a bad way. Needless to say, I threw my rollerblades into the trash and waddled to bed that night.

After taking care of business in the bathroom, I waddled back to bed, trying hard not to imagine what I looked like. Waddling in the nude does nothing for self-esteem.

"You okay? Do you need some pain meds?" Edward asked, sitting up in bed as I lay back down on my belly.

"Would you mind?" I asked. "I would have gotten them but I wasn't sure where you'd stashed the pills."

He hopped out of bed without answering and got a pill bottle off the table in the corner of the room. The glow of the bathroom gave me a view of Edward's shirtless torso and flannel pajama pants. The tendons in his forearms moved deliciously as he opened the bottle, and the muscles in his back flexed as he moved. I wondered if I would ever stop wanting him so ferociously. He made me feel like a sixteen year old boy and I thanked God for a second time in a week that girls could not get erections because I would be sporting one every time I caught a hint of Edward's scent. Hell, even his voice made my thighs squish together and caused my panties to dampen. I was starting to question the whole menstrual cycle being a curse. The real gender curse was the obvious and hard arousal that a man sported between his hips at inappropriate moments.

The rattle of pills being distributed, and the sound of water being poured into a glass kept my mind from sinking farther into the gutter. As good as it would be to have Edward inside of me, I couldn't fathom being on my back with my legs spread for him. The ache in my hip was getting worse, even as I lay on my stomach on the bed. It had only been fifteen hours since the procedure and I was bound to feel achier tomorrow.

It was utterly and completely worth it.

"Here you go, sweetheart," he murmured as he handed me two pills.

I took them with a gulp of water and he crawled back in bed, lying next to me. In my decidedly pathetic state, I decided to bring up a rather unpopular subject.

"Have you thought about the money at all?" I asked.

He let out an annoyed groan. "Actually, no, I haven't." After a few moments of silence, he added, "I've been preoccupied, Bella."

"I'm sorry," I told him. "It's just that I've already set up a meeting with them."

My eyes were closed but I could hear him shift on the mattress. "What? You've already set up a meeting?"

I peeked out at him. Yep, he was pissed. "Yeah, but if you tell me that you don't want me to do it, I'll cancel it."

"Okay, I don't want you to."

"You haven't even thought about it!" I huffed. "I'll show you the website and you can read about-"

"When and where, exactly, is this meeting set up for?" he asked.

I bit my lip and held my breath.

"Bella?" he said in a warning tone.

"Chicago in November," I told him.

He sighed. "Well, the house will hopefully be sold by then and we won't even need to discuss it."

"Edward," I whined.

"I'm tired, Bella, I can't think about this anymore tonight. You know how I feel about it," he said, turning over.

As I closed my eyes, I listened to Edward breathing and my emotions went into overdrive. I was hurt, guilt-ridden, and pissed as I thought about what he said. There were many reasons why this decision was up to him. I needed his touch to make it work accurately, I needed his knowledge to read through any legal paperwork, but most of all, I needed his support. I needed to know that he wanted me to do this; otherwise, the end result would be fruitless.

"I'll think about it, Bella," he told me without turning over. "Let's just get through this first."

"I love you," I told him.

"I love you, too."

**~~AMS~~**

Nemour's seemed different than it had yesterday. It felt like I'd been here a million times even though yesterday had been my first visit to the Clinic. We smiled at Jen who smiled in return and went back to typing on her computer. We took the elevator up to the sixth floor and took a right toward the waiting room. The room was larger than the one in ICU and several clusters of families gathered around in padded chairs, talking and reading magazines.

I spotted Renee sitting by a large man with blonde hair and a goatee. For a moment, I considered sitting somewhere else but without her, I wouldn't know how Bree's procedure went so I limped toward her with Edward's arm around my waist.

"Hey," I said, snapping her away from her magazine. She looked momentarily stunned but recovered quickly with a quiet clearing of her throat. "How long ago did she go in?"

"Uh…just a few minutes ago," she said. "How are, erm, how are you feeling today?"

I couldn't hide the shock on my face. "I'm a little sore but otherwise, I'm okay."

She shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "That's…that's good."

"Honey, is this Bella?" the man next to her asked.

"Yes, this is Bella," she said with a strange expression on her face, "Bella, this is Phil."

Phil stood up and towered over both Edward and myself. He was at least six inches taller than Edward and his shoulders were massive. I gawked him as he shook Edward's hand and turned to me.

"Bella, I just want to thank you for doing this for our Bree," he said, his eyes crinkled into a smile. "She talks about you all the time and I hope you decide to keep in touch when this is all behind us."

I smiled back at him and told him that I planned on it.

"Do you want some coffee?" Edward asked.

I smiled at him and fluttered my eyelashes.

He kissed me on the forehead and said, "I'll be right back."

"I'll go with you, Edward," Phil said and gave Renee a kiss on the cheek. "Be right back, hon."

After they left, we shifted our weight uncomfortably on our feet and avoided each other's eyes. With my one track mind-this morning the focus being coffee-I hadn't fully thought out Edward and Phil's absence. This left Renee and I alone together for the first time since our reunion.

"Can I sit?" I asked.

She nodded and I sat down, leaving an empty space between her body and mine. The distance made me feel safe and less forced to make conversation with her. I picked up a TIME magazine and started reading about some political garbage involving the economy: Talk about depressing.

I looked up when I heard sniffling coming from beside me. Renee was wiping a tissue across her nose and under her eyes. It was awkward, to say the least. I didn't really want to comfort this woman but I couldn't just go on as if I didn't notice. It would be impossible not to hear the nose blowing and whimpering noises that were coming from her. It felt heartless to ignore it but I didn't think she deserved my shoulder to cry on.

"She's going to be okay," I told her.

She shifted her whole body in my direction and looked me straight in the eye. Her face was screwed up into a painful grimace and the blues of her irises were contrasting with the bloodshot whites of her eyes. I had seen this look before; when I was little and she looked like she had given up. Three things I could always count on as a young child: a whiskey glass in my Mom's hand, a cigarette between her lips and country music blaring from the radio. That was what the expression on her face brought me back to.

"I'm not really a monster, Bella," she said. "I know that's how you see me, but I'm not."

I didn't respond because there wasn't a response to that which would make this conversation any better. Instead, I pulled the scrunchie out of my hair, and let it fall down to my shoulders. With my palms, I smoothed the front and fiddled with putting it right back up.

"I think I'm being punished," she told me. "I think what Bree is going through is punishment for what I did to you when you were little."

My hands fell to my lap, forgetting my ponytail. I narrowed my eyes at her and held myself steady as oxygen flowed slowly into my lungs. After some deep inhales, I closed my eyes and felt my inner turmoil slow itself down. I had come really close to losing it, and I needed Edward more than I needed coffee. My eyes shifted to the door as if my thoughts could make him appear. It didn't work.

"Do you ever think that not everything is about you?" I asked, calmly. She opened her mouth but I didn't let her speak. "If you think that Bree is being used to punish you, then you are seriously deranged. There's a little girl-your little girl-who is fighting for her life and all you can do is think about what _you _did to deserve this?"

She pressed her lips together and nodded frantically. "You're right," she admitted, "you're right."

The silence between us became deafening as she stared a hole in the carpet and I watched a family of four play Go Fish a few rows away.

"After you visited her yesterday, there was something different about her," she murmured, still staring at the floor. "She's been so depressed lately and I was so afraid that she'd started having her doubts about the transplant. It's hard for a girl her age to be so different from everyone else."

I snorted. "I think I can relate."

She snapped her eyes to me. "Maybe that's why she feels so strongly about you. She really wants to get to know you, Bella."

"I care for her, you know. Technically, she_ is_ my sister."

She nodded and cleared her throat. "I was afraid to let her get close to you because-"

"Because of my gift?"

She shook her head and said, "No, because I was afraid that you'd use her to get back at me for leaving you."

I rolled my eyes and her expression grew pained.

"I would never-"

"I know you would never do that," she cut in. "That was just me, thinking about myself again."

"When she's better, she's welcome to visit me anytime," I told her. "I'm going to be moving to Chicago so I'll be a little bit closer. I'd like to watch her grow up."

She nodded. "I think she'd like that."

Renee and I would never be friends. We'd never chat on the phone about work or life. I'd never go to her for advice and she wouldn't be invited to my wedding. But there, in that waiting room at Nemour's Children's Clinic, we came to an understanding. I'd never forgive her and she'd never apologize but there were bigger things in this world than the two of us.

I would never believe that Bree's illness was a punishment or put inside her to enlighten someone. However, that didn't mean that we couldn't learn something from it. That didn't mean that we didn't gain something from her strength and her determination. Watching Bree fight this battle put things into perspective for the both of us.

"She's going to win," I said aloud and Renee turned her eyes to me. "She's going to win."

* * *

**A/N: Nemour's is a real Cancer Center for children in Jacksonville Florida. This entire story has opened my eyes to the amazing process of Bone Marrow Donation. It's simple to register-all they have to do is swab your mouth with cotton. Most of the time, if you are a match, surgery is not required but instead a simple outpatient process of drawing blood and running it through a machine to seperate cells. Think about registering because it could save a life. That's all I have to say about that.**

**Once again, I apologize in my lack of response to reviews. Please know that I appreciate ALL of them. Thank you! Next chapter is Rose and Emmett's wedding. :-)**


	31. Chapter 31 Finally, Awake

**A/N: I know I told you that this would be Emmett and Rosalie's wedding but I'm a big fat fibber. Thank you for all your reviews and support. Seriously. You all rock my world. **

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all characters. **

**Chapter song: Awake My Soul by Mumford and Sons (Have I mentioned how effing great they are?)**

* * *

Bree came through the procedure well and we waited around until she was out of recovery. That evening she was back in ICU, and behind the double glass doors. We stood in the hallway and watched them re-hook all the machines and tubing up to her. She was pretty out of it, even as she gave us a little wave from her room.

Before we drove back to Miami the following day, we stopped back by just to check on her. She was doing fine but the next few months would be hard for her. The length of time she stayed in the hospital depended up on how her body responded to the transplant. It would be disheartening if my bone marrow made her sick but I knew that was a possibility. Just because I was a match, it didn't mean that her body would accept it with open arms especially given the fact that her immune system was used to fighting.

I told Renee to give her my love and for the first time, I actually trusted that she would do that. She promised to call me if they got any bad news and I warned her that I'd be calling at least once a day to check on her. We actually waved to each other when Edward and I left. Small steps…small steps…

The drive back to Miami was unremarkable except for the Bohemian Rhapsody duet that Edward and I belted out along the Interstate. That was pretty damn remarkable. We got back to the beach house around dinner time and I breathed out a sigh as Edward cut the engine off.

"How's it going?" he asked, running a palm over my thigh.

I smiled at him. "I'm just really glad to be back but I feel guilty because I'm not in Jacksonville with Bree."

"There's not much that you can do for her there, Bella," he said, softly. "We just have to wait for news and keep calling so that she knows that you're there for her."

"I know," I grumbled. "It just doesn't seem right that we're here, soaking up the sun and planning a wedding when she's lying in a hospital bed."

"We can go back," he told me. "I'm sure that Rose and Emmett would understand."

I considered it for a moment. Torn between where I wanted to be and where I felt I should be. Edward was right: There wasn't much I could do if I hung out in the waiting room of Nemour's but I didn't want Bree to feel alone when she woke up. I put my trust in Renee that she would pass on my message of concern. Plus, I would call each day to check on her recovery.

"This is where I want to be," I said with a grin.

When we walked into the house, it was quiet and considering both of the cars were parked in the garage, we figured they were at the beach. Even though I was still pretty sore, the beach sounded delicious so Edward helped me limp up the stairs to our room so we would change.

"Need some help?" Edward asked, his voice husky and deep.

I glanced over my shoulder, as I climbed into the bottoms of my tankini. His heavy-lidded green eyes ran shamelessly up my legs, over my rear and ended on my lips. A heat wave rushed through me and my stomach quivered. I may have stopped breathing for a moment. He walked slowly toward me, like a predator.

"You really are a masochist," I told him, turning toward him. My nipples were like divining rods, hard and pointing toward the object they desired. They tingled as he grew closer and every nerve in my nipples exploded as he reached a hand up and cupped one of them. I moaned and closed my eyes. "You're killing me."

I heard a sigh and a soft whisper, "You have no idea…", and then with no warning his lips met my breast. Teeth nibbled, his tongue swirled and my nipple released screams of glory as I arched my back, telling him with my body that I belonged to him; to take me and do as he pleased. I needed him. Craved him. Loved him.

The noise that came out of me, when he switched from one nipple to the next, was transparent. If desperation were the color red, I would have been glowing from head to toe. My fingers gripped his shoulders, digging into the hard flesh as he sucked and moaned against the soft flesh on my chest. My stomach tingled and my core ached with desire as moisture pooled between my thighs.

"Fuck nurse Beth and her silly little rules," I groaned.

"No thank you," he whispered against my skin. "I'd rather fuck you."

I moaned. I'd like to meet someone who wouldn't moan after hearing a man as beautiful as Edward say that against their breast.

With a smack, his lips released me and he straightened up. "Really, we should wait, Bella. I'm sure you're still in pain."

I _was_ in pain. My hip ached and my lower back on the procedure side was starting to burn but so were other parts of me- other parts that could be satisfied in the blink of an eye with the emergence of that hard muscled body part between Edward's hips; the same body part that was pressed gently into my pelvis.

"As much as I hate to admit it, my hip is killing me from the drive," I grumbled.

"We could take a nap instead of going down to the water." His hand glided over my rear and tingles ran up my spine.

"You're going to have to stop touching me like that," I scolded. "I'm starting to pant."

A groan came from deep in his throat. "How much pain are you in?"

I laughed. "Too much pain to be able to wrap my legs around your waist."

He backed off reluctantly, adding a tiny kiss to the end of my nose in the wake of separation. "Do you want to lie down? I can run down to the beach and tell everyone we're back."

As good as the beach sounded, the ache in my hip was starting to weigh on my body. The six hour car trip hadn't helped. My muscles were stiff and the thought of stretching out on the cool sheets was enticing.

"You promise to come right back?"

He kissed my nose a second time. "I promise."

After he walked out of the room and shut the door behind him, I threw on his discarded t-shirt and lowered myself on to the mattress, belly down. Shamelessly, I groaned as I stretched my legs and the ache in my hip spread to my lower back. With a sigh, I closed my eyes and let myself drift off into a drug induced dreamland.

It could have been minutes or hours that had passed by when the click of a door broke the silence of the room. A weight fell on the bed beside me and the sounds of soft whispering filled my ears: The whispers of Alice and Rose.

"Does she have pants on?" Rose whispered. Alice must have shrugged. "I love Bella and all but I don't want to catch a view of her Pootie-poof."

If your eyes are closed when you roll them, does it count?

"Where do you think her pain pills are? She looks like she needs one," Alice murmured.

"How can you tell? She's unconscious," Rose replied.

"Her face is all scrunched up like something awful is going on. I think she's in pain."

Rose was silent; probably leaning over to check out the scrunch factor of my expression.

"Maybe she's having a bad dream," she answered.

The bed shifted near my feet. "Damn, girl needs a pedicure…and some new socks."

Alice replied with an agreeable grunt. "We should paint her toenails while she's asleep. It will be a nice surprise when she wakes up."

"What color?"

"I don't know; something cheerful like red or how about orange." I could hear the smile in Alice's whisper.

If I didn't speak up now, I'd wake up with pumpkin colored toes. "If you guys paint my toenails orange, I'll murder you in your sleep."

"Bella!" Alice squealed as she lay back down beside me. "How are you feeling?"

"Sleepy," I muttered.

"We brought you a present!" Rose exclaimed. "Do you think you can sit up to eat?"

I groaned. "I'm not really hungry but thank you for the-"

"Okay, then," Alice interrupted, "we'll just take this _ice cream_ downstairs. It may not be safe with Emmett in the house. He's been dying to dive into it since last night."

For a moment, I wondered what ice cream did to Emmett's bowels.

One of my eyes popped open. "What kind?"

Alice tilted her head and looked at me. "Silly Bella! Do you really have to ask?"

Five minutes later, we were lying side by side on our stomachs talking around spoonfuls of Chunky Monkey. I was proud of Alice; even she grazed on a pint as we talked.

I told them about what I had gone through in Jacksonville which made me think of Bree. Not only was I worried about her but oddly enough, I missed her. It was funny how you could miss someone that you barely even knew. Before we left, I had given all of my contact information to Renee, including my e-mail address. I looked forward to her e-mails about school, boys and clothing even if I couldn't offer up good advice in return. The morbid question passed through my mind before I could catch it: _Hopefully, we'd have that chance._

"She's going to be okay now, right?" Rose asked. "I mean, now that she has had the transplant?"

I shrugged and made an I-don't-know noise. "We just have to wait and see. There could be complications and she looked really weak at the hospital."

My expression must have looked somber because Rose grabbed my hand and squeezed. "If you need to go back…"

"No, I want to be here for your wedding," I said with a small smile on my face. "Bree is important but so are you and Emmett. I wouldn't miss this for the world."

Rose squeezed my hand again before letting go. Thank God for her because she changed topics before I had the chance to break into a fit of wet sobs. Rose was going into detail about our schedules for the next few days. She had always seemed like the type of girl who would turn into Bridezilla when planning out her wedding but she seemed surprisingly calm.

"Do you think you'll feel good enough to pick up the flowers on Friday night, Bella? Otherwise, I could get Jazz to do it but I wanted someone with some sort of taste to pick them up, in case they don't look right," Rose grumbled around her spoon. "Knowing Jazz, he'd be fine with red roses mixed with yellows daisies."

Alice snorted but I felt my face stiffen because for the life of me, I couldn't figure out what was wrong with red roses and yellow daisies.

"I might need Alice to go with me," I told her.

Rose scrunched up her face. "Well, I suppose she could squeeze that in between setting up the arch and the final arrangements with the photographer."

Alice opened her mouth to respond but the sound of my cell phone going off interrupted her. Rose shuffled through my pile of clothes on the floor, and found my phone that was stuffed into the back of my jeans. She tossed it at me and resumed her feast.

I opened it up to find a text from Edward that read_: If they r annoying you, let me know-I'll kick them out._

I grinned and bit my bottom lip.

"What?" Alice asked.

"Edward wants to know if you're being annoying. He said he'd kick you out if you were," I said.

Rose cocked an eyebrow but didn't reply. Alice responded by letting her mouth fall open and setting her pint of ice cream on the floor. I sent him back a response with a sleepy grin on my face.

"Do you know what it took for him to let us come up and visit you?" Alice asked. "We're your best friends and he acts like we're going to come up here and force you to run laps. I had to kick him in the shin to get him to let us in the house."

"You had to what?"

"He said that you were too tired and wanted to sleep but we only wanted to check in with you. That man is like a freaking pit bull!"

"I can't believe you kicked him," I said, amused.

"That's what he gets for going all overprotective on us," she grumbled.

They stayed long enough for me to lose my sugar high and I unintentionally dozed off while Rose was describing our dresses. I really did want to hear all the gory wedding details but the pain meds were starting to affect my efforts. By my tenth yawn, they had gotten the hint that I could no longer focus on simple things like colors and dress cuts.

"Let us know if you need anything," Alice whispered before she shut the door behind her.

I tried to respond…I really did but my lips were suddenly rubber and my eyelids filled with cement.

I wasn't sure how long I was out when I opened my eyes to see nothing but darkness. Edward was a warm weight against my side and the soft snore coming from him was interrupting the silence of the room. I blinked a few times at the red lit up numbers of the alarm clock. It was almost 5am; I'd been asleep for almost ten hours.

Releasing a breathy groan, I sat up in bed and felt the stiff ache in my hip as my feet hit the floor. Suddenly, with a look around the dark room, I was wide awake. With no certain plan in mind, I pulled on my jeans and a hooded sweatshirt then slipped out the door quietly behind me.

After using the restroom and running cool water over my face, I padded down the steps and found my way to the kitchen. I brewed some coffee, not caring about Jasper's odd obsession with the perfect cup, and poured some in a mug. It smelled heavenly as I added the perfect amount of cream. With my mug in hand, I walked out onto the patio, through the sand and eventually landed in a plastic beach chair facing the ocean.

It occurred to me in that moment that I had never been witness to a sunrise. I'd heard about it through books and poetry but I hadn't taken the time to enjoy the beauty of the first orange glow on the horizon of the water. Or felt the surge of energy as the sun's glow awakened the creatures that dozed through the night. Gently, I pulled my legs underneath myself and settled myself into the chair, awaiting the first glimpse of the magic that was the sunrise.

It didn't take long for the sky to lighten and an orange hue to show itself in the distance. The water sparkled and moved as if waking up from a long, restless sleep. I felt myself itching to call and check on Bree but it was too early. As satisfying as it would be to wake Renee from a peaceful slumber at 6am, I feared that she may have slept at the hospital. I didn't want to chance waking up Bree in my quest for childish revenge.

With a sigh, I reached for my cell in my back pocket and came up empty. I had forgotten that I had left it on the nightstand after the knight-in-shining-armor text from Edward.

The sun was starting to peak over the horizon and I gulped down the remainder of the coffee that had turned cold since coming out to the beach. Nearby, seagulls fought over someone's leftover dinner in the sand and birds were starting their everyday routine of chirping and singing. There was a group of guys jogging in the sand but that was the extent of the sun's audience-at least in this neck of the woods. Hopefully, somewhere out there, someone else was watching this amazing transformation of nature. It was like watching the earth get dressed for the day.

I shivered as the warmth of the sun caught me on my cheeks. Unable to stop my grin, I leaned my head back against the chair and closed my eyes. Perhaps, I'd fall asleep here; with the lull of the ocean's tide in my ears and feel of the sun warming my body, it was possible. I had only one regret: I wished I could share it with someone. Everyone. A slideshow of people scattered through my brain as I thought about the people in my life, especially the ones who weren't there a year ago. Alice, Jasper, Rose and Emmett-I loved them but it was the new people in my life who had shown me who I was and what I was capable of.

Edward gave me unconditional love.

Charlie gave me hindsight.

Bree gave me strength.

Esme and Carlisle demonstrated to me the meaning of sacrifice.

I realized, as my brain started the process of shutting down for sleep, that this was the person I was meant to be. Finally, my soul was at peace with this gift and where it had brought me in my life. And not only was I at peace, but I was happy.

_Finally._

"Well, well, well…look who it is…" The familiar voice broke me free from the subconscious realm where dreams begin and reality ends. I resisted opening my eyes until the face belonging to that deep, crass voice flashed through my brain. My eyes snapped open and I squinted in the sunlight at the three faces peering down at me. "Little sleeping beauty, out here all by her lonesome."

I snapped to attention, and rose swiftly from the chair. A twinge of pain bolted through my backside and my legs were tingling from lack of blood flow due to the position they were in.

Jacob Black stood a foot taller than me and was menacingly large. He had a buddy on each side of him, and I was unsure if these were the same two cronies who had been with him in the alley. They were all shirtless and gleaming with sweat, as their chests heaved from the exercise.

"Bridget, right? Or was it Bertha?" He was feigning ignorance but the malevolent glint in his eyes told me that he knew exactly who I was.

"Bertha?" said the cronie on the right. "What kind of name is Bertha for a pretty little thing like you?" His blue eyes roamed up and down my body in wide excitement.

There were so many things I wished I could do in this moment. In fact, I had a mentally prepared list of the things I'd do to Jacob if I ever laid eyes on him again. All of which made his face turn purple with pain and caused girlish squeals of displeasure erupt from his throat. However, as he stood in front of me, the list became quite unrealistic especially when he had two hundred pounds of ignorance backing him up on either side. Plus, with my hip being out of commission, a side-wind kick to the head and a knee to the balls wouldn't exactly come easy for me. Not that I knew how to do that shit but that was the fun of mentally prepared lists: If you really expected to use them, you'd use real paper and a nice ball point pen. Probably, I'd even end each line with a smiley face.

In silence, I turned on my heel and headed stiffly for the house. Jacob dashed ahead of me and stood in my way.

"Oh, come on, don't be that way, Baby," he cooed. "You know, I normally don't turn down pussy but I had a game the next day. There's no need to hold a grudge."

I felt the boiling in my tummy rising to my throat and I clenched my hands into fists. With a glance over his shoulder, I looked for movement in the house and forced my expression to remain neutral when I saw none.

"They're all in bed, sweetheart," he said, through gritted teeth. "That's what lazy people do during the week. They sleep the fuck in."

My stomach clenched as anger overtook me and I felt myself lose control. Tears welled in my eyes, and I wasn't sure if it was from anger or fear. Whether it was by coincidence or by gift, the wind picked up around us. I felt _it_, brewing inside me, but I didn't try to stop it. Instead, I embraced it and let it take over.

With my eyes closed, I thought of all the things I had been through in my life. From the abandonment of Renee and through my childhood of a speechless Dad, I felt all the emotion gather inside of me. Like a squirrel that was foraging nuts in its cheeks, I was clutching onto emotions since the day I was born, terrified of turning them into a weapon for my brain. All of this time, I had been avoiding when I should have been accepting. A sudden enemy turned ally.

The last thing I saw before I opened my eyes was the tattered body of Bree, fighting for her life in that hospital bed.

Jacob looked at my clenched hands and smirked. Suddenly, my hip didn't hurt so much and the fucker in front of me wasn't the least bit intimidating.

"You're just a little boy, Jacob," I seethed. My eyes searched the area around us, quickly finding what I was looking for. "You're pathetic."

His jaw clenched and he took a step toward me. The wind blew stronger and I could feel the hood on my sweatshirt whipping against my shoulder blades.

"Hey, man, let's just go," one of the cronies said from behind me. "We still have five miles to go before the team meeting."

"Fuck off!" He yelled at them, without taking his eyes from mine. "I have some unfinished business with Bella, here."

Out of the blue, he remembered my name. _Yippee_.

"Jake, Dude, I'm not making any more excuses for you. Coach said…"

"Coach can suck my dick, Todd!" He took a step toward me and a beach umbrella pulled itself from the sand and flew toward him. He ducked and it missed, whizzing over his head by mere inches. "Fucking wind!"

Joy swept through me. I had done that and Edward was no where near me. _I had done that! _The pitter patter of footsteps through the sand behind me kept me from giggling. His friends had left us alone. Apprehensive thoughts kept me grounded: What if the umbrella was a coincidence? What if it was a one time occurrence? What if this lame-ass excuse for a person in front of me decided that a surprise right hook was the way to take me down? _I had no defense for a right hook._

I took a tentative step back and Jacob noticed. He sneered at me with ugly eyes and a raised upper lip. "Are you afraid, Bella?"

I narrowed my eyes and pressed my lips together. Verbal sparring was never something I was talented in. If I answered him, I was certain that I'd resort back to my childhood and call him a "butthead" or a "toilet seat licker". So I kept my lips pressed firmly together and let my narrowed eyes do all the talking for me.

He mistook my silence for fear.

"That's right," he hissed. "You should be afraid because I'm going to rip you apart, you stupid little b…"

Before he could get what I assumed was going to be the word "bitch" out of his mouth, he was nailed in the forehead by an empty soda can. I couldn't help but smirk at the look of shock on his face as he looked around, searching for the assailant who threw it at him. Little did he know, she was standing right the fuck in front of him.

He turned back to me with wide, cautious eyes as the wind blew sand around us like a tropical tornado. "What are you?" he asked. "That was you…in the alley that…the beer bottles." His expression was a mixture of awe and terror. "You're a freak!"

Another empty can caught him between the eyes and I smiled wickedly at him. His face twitched as he ran his fingertips over the red mark that settled on his forehead. "Fuck! Stop doing that!"

"You attacked me, you slimy motherfucker," I said. "You deserve far worse than anything I could do to you."

He stared at me for a few beats as the sand continued to swirl around us, circling us like a band of spectators. It was egging me on, making me feel powerful and I straightened my shoulders as his gaze fell to the ground. With a slight grunt, he planted a foot in the sand and made a run for it.

I turned, making a clicking noise using my teeth and my tongue. "You're not getting away that easy," I said, mostly to myself because at this point, he was ten feet away from me.

The sound that sprang from his loins would have been heartbreaking if it had come from anyone else. He yelped and squealed in pain, then fell to the ground. His hand went to his front and he held himself like a toddler in need of a potty. I had split his scrotum painfully in the only way I knew how: By manipulating the waistband of his Calvin Klein underwear.

Edward would be proud, I thought to myself; I'd just fulfilled number five on my bucket list in a bad, bad way.

**~~AMS~~**

I wasn't sure what time Edward had gone to sleep but I had done just about every little thing to try and wake him up, short of grabbing his shoulders and shaking him awake. It had been two hours since I watched Jacob waddle painfully away in the sand, peeking over his shoulder as if the Big Bad Bella was going to come after him. He still deserved worse but it was the best I had.

Impatient and fidgety, I grabbed my cell phone and headed downstairs. I called Renee to hear that Bree was recovering well and should be able to talk on the phone sometime in the next couple of days. As uncomfortable as it was, I called my Dad after I had spoken to Renee. I felt like I was cheating on him because I had talked to her first but it was only about Bree.

After some quick how-are-you's and I'm-doing-fines, we disconnected and I turned on the TV. I flipped through station after station, searching for something entertaining to keep my mind off the impending conversation with Edward. Nothing did it for me so I stomped back up the stairs and opened the door to our room louder than necessary.

He continued his deep, soft snore. His beautiful hands were splayed across his naked torso as he lay sprawled out on his back.

I pursed my lips and watched him, wondering how much sleep he would have gotten if I woke him up. After careful consideration, I flopped down on the bed beside him and watched his sleeping form bounce slightly on the mattress. I yanked the covers over me, and watched him for signs of alertness. Gently, I pinched a nipple. Nothing. I ran a fingertip over his bellybutton. Nothing. I grinned as my fingers descended down that dark trail of hair and underneath the waistband of his boxers. He stirred. In more ways than one. _Thank God._

With a grunt and a deep exhale, he peeked up at me. There was some rapid blinking and then his face did some scrunching as he surveyed my expression.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

I raised my eyebrows. "Nothing. Why do you think something is wrong?"

More blinking and more scrunching. "Well, you look…really awake."

"I've been up for a while," I told him. "I couldn't sleep anymore."

"Are you feeling better?"

I smiled and nodded. "My hip still hurts but I'm not as achy as I was yesterday."

He pulled my fingertips out of his boxers and gave me a sideways glance.

"It has been 48 hours," I teased.

He growled playfully in response but kept a hold of my hand. I kissed him on his cheek, then his nose and then his mouth.

"I have something to tell you," I said with a grin. "Something happened this morning."

"What?"

With all the time that I had to think this through, it hadn't occurred to me that the whole being-caught-alone-on-the-beach-with-a-potential-rapist thing would probably overshadow the good part of my morning. I thought about fibbing to him, telling him a less dramatic story like my coffee mug was out of reach so my brain floated it to me. But that wouldn't do; I could not and would not lie to Edward.

"I went out on the beach this morning to watch the sunrise," I told him. My hand went to his hair and my fingertips found his scalp. He closed his eyes and moaned at the feeling.

"You should have woken me up," he murmured. "I would have gone with you."

It wasn't a scolding but an offer of invitation.

"Everyone was asleep-it was 5am," I replied. "Anyways, I was sitting on a chair, out on the sand and…" I took a deep breath and blew it out through pursed lips. "I saw Jacob Black."

His eyes snapped open and he sat up in bed, glaring at me. "Are you all right? Did he talk to you? Is he still out there?"

I held my hands out, toward him. "Calm down, Edward, I'm fine."

With some further convincing, he eased himself back down onto the mattress and I recalled the entire morning back to him. He listened with stressed silence as his body stiffened at the words Jacob had said. But then I told him about the wind, and the umbrella and the empty soda cans. The story reached its climax with the sharp, painful wedgie.

His eyebrows did some sort of dance, like they were uncertain of their place on his face. They went from surprised to worried then back to surprised, ending up toward his hairline.

"You did those things on your own? You controlled the cans and the…how did you control the wind?" he asked.

I shrugged and let out a maniacal laugh. "I have no freaking clue!"

"That's…that's amazing, Bella." I could tell he was torn between being upset about Jacob and proud of my accomplishments. "Can you do it right now?"

The smile fell from my face. "I don't know."

"Try it…" he said. "Try moving my phone from the nightstand." He inched away from me so that our skin didn't touch and then grinned. "No cheating."

I shook my head. "I don't want to."

Confusion washed over his features as he looked at me. "Why?"

"Because I just don't want to," I snapped, suddenly feeling drained of energy. "I think I'm going to lie down. Are you going back to sleep?"

He shook his head. "Are you afraid?"

I scoffed. "Of what?" He stared at me, his green eyes seeing right through me. "Okay, yes, I'm afraid! Are you happy?"

His palm was warm against my cheek and his lips soft against mine. "What you did out there was all you." He kissed me again, this time his lips lingered against mine in a silent plea. "Show me, Bella; show me what you can do."

I let out a breath. "Don't push me or I'll give you the wedgie from hell," I teased.

He held his hands up, surrendering and slid away from me again.

With his eyes on me, I concentrated on his cell phone that was sitting harmlessly on the stand beside our bed. When nothing happened, I took a deep breath, rubbed a palm over my face and tried again. It sat there and mocked me with its stillness. I stared at the cell phone until the place on my forehead, between my eyes, began to throb.

I cursed and let my shoulders drop. "I can't do it."

Edward's hand came up and rubbed the back of my neck. "We'll work on it."

Exhausted, I turned my body around to face him. "You believe me, don't you?"

His brows came together. "Of course, I do."

He pulled me into his arms and rested his chin on my shoulder. We were silent for a while, just leaning into each other and enjoying the feel of our bodies entwined.

"I've been thinking," he said, breaking the silence. "If I look into this…whole science group ordeal and I think it's legit…"

"Yeah?"

"I'm not going to say that I'm happy about it but I'm going to support you."

I turned my head so that I could look at him. "You will?"

His expression was reluctant but his eyes told me plenty. "Only if they check out and…"

"And?"

"I'd like to get Carlisle and Esme's opinion on it, if you wouldn't mind telling them," he said.

"Sure," I replied. "Do you think they'll freak out?"

He grinned. "It will be amusing to see their reactions. I'd like to get a colorful curse word out of Esme at some point in my life. If this doesn't do it, then I don't know what will."

I kissed him on his stubbly chin. "Thank you, Edward."

He grinned down at me and ran his hand under the hem of my shirt. "Did you say that your hip doesn't hurt anymore?"

I moaned shamelessly as his large hand cupped my breast and his thumb grazed over my nipple. "Only a little…just a little bit of pain but not…oh God, that feels good."

"Do you think you could…"

My back arched into him and he pressed my good hip into his growing arousal.

"I think we can work something out."

* * *

**A/N: Some of you have been asking about websites regarding Bone Marrow Donation so I put a link on my profile for those of you who live in the states. Also, I put up a link for a similar science group offering up a million dollars for proof of the paranormal. **

**Jacob's wedgie was rad, right? Yes, he deserved worse but what is more humiliating than underwear shoved violently up your ass crack? Srsly. Uh...not that I...uh...have experienced that before but uh...*shuffles feet on floor* Anyways, thank you for reading and a HUGE thank you for those of you who take precious time out of your day to review. **


	32. Chapter 32 Prerequisites

**A/N: Thanks for reading. Thanks for reviewing. My knowledge of weddings is slim to none since there were twenty people at mine and planned in a month. With that said: Hope you enjoy. :-)**

**I wrote a silly, goofy, ridiculous, dorky, random O/S. If you happen to jump over and read it, let me know what you think. **

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all characters.**

**Chapter Song: "Marry Me" by Train**

* * *

Apparently, for Rosalie Hale, the Bridezilla tendencies don't surface until 48 hours pre-vows. My fun loving, laid back friend turned into a nightmare on legs. Rosilla, as she'd been called behind her back, reminded me of my-parents-are-coming-so-I-need-to-polish-the-washing-machine Rose. So, there we were, Thursday morning, all of us were sitting and eating breakfast, making "Bella on pain meds" cracks when Rosilla appeared for the first time.

"I bet Bella is easy going with the affections, huh Edward?" Emmett asked, waggling his eyebrows. "Dope her up and she doesn't mind that she's naked, am I right?"

One of my eyebrows shot up and I gaped at Emmett. "That's not appropriate breakfast chatter, Em."

Edward cleared his throat. "For the record, Bella doesn't need pain meds to be 'easy going with the affections'."

I wasn't sure whether it was an insult or a compliment so I shrugged. Emmett hollered out a "Whoop!" and high-fived Edward.

"Guys are disgusting," Alice grumbled. She was using her fork to push around pieces of dry pancake on her plate.

Emmett's mouth fell open. "You can't tell me that you ladies aren't outside comparing dick sizes and bedroom techniques."

Rose ran a hand through Emmett's hair. "Of course we do and you always win, Baby."

My face burned hot as Edward cut his eyes to me in question.

"She's lying," I told him, "Rose gets confused with the measuring tape. She goes by centimeters where I go by inches. We just let her think she wins."

"I'm staying out of this one," Jasper murmured, pushing back his chair.

"You have something to hide?" Emmett shouted as Jasper made his way into the living room. "Let's whip 'em out! Let's see!"

"Seriously disgusting," Alice mumbled, following Jasper.

"That _is_ disgusting, Em," Rose, said as she chomped into a red delicious. "I'm trying to eat and you're talking about my brother's…thing."

Emmett opened his mouth to defend himself but was cut off by the sound of Rosalie's phone. She looked at the caller ID and rolled her eyes.

"Hello?" Her eyes widened and her face turned red. "What? But it's on Saturday…that will only give me two days to find…"

As her conversation continued and the vein in her forehead was starting to emerge, we cleared off the table. Sensing wedding trouble that he wanted no part of, Edward excused himself to call Carlisle. I had just got done putting the dishes away when Rosalie slammed her phone down on the table and groaned.

"What happened?" I asked. "Doesn't sound good."

She narrowed her eyes at me and sneered. I must have looked frightened because she turned her focus back to her cell phone.

"The photographer cancelled on me," she grumbled.

"Well, we can call around and see if-"

"Stupid freaking…" She raised a finger and pointed it at me. I felt myself cower as her gaze once again bit into my eyes. "I knew I shouldn't have trusted Cheryl. She's the one who went on and on about how fantastic this guy was. 'Oh, he's wonderful, Rose! He'll do a great job for you!'."

I got the impression by Rosalie's high pitched mock voice of Cheryl that she was eight.

"We can…I'm sure you can…" I trailed off.

Emmett tried unsuccessfully to conceal a belch beside me. "They're just pictures, Babe. My uncle Merle took family reunion photos a couple years ago. I'm sure he'd be willing to-"

Rose sucked in a breath. "Your Uncle Merle? That is who you want taking our wedding pictures?"

Emmett looked a little confused. "They're just pictures. All you have to do is have is an index finger and be able to hold a little box steady." He cut his eyes to me. "Am I right?"

Damn that Emmett. _Damn him_.

Rose looked at me, waiting for an answer. I hated to admit that I kinda-sorta agreed with Emmett because Rose was looking like something might hemorrhage in her brain if I approved. Thank the sweet heavens for my phone because it started ringing in my pocket. Caller ID said it was…Edward?

Rose glared at me.

"I have to take this." Her eyes narrowed and the apple in her hand was leaking juice from under her fingernails. "It's my…uh…Aunt Arnetta. She's been ill, lately."

"I thought you said you didn't have any Aunts or Uncles," Emmett questioned as the corners of his mouth twitched.

I wanted to hit him but instead I put the phone to my ear and answered it.

"Hello?"

"I'm dying to touch you," he whispered.

I let out a shaky laugh. "Oh, Aunt Arnetta! How are you feeling?"

Rose cocked an eyebrow as she stared at me.

"Bad cover, Bella; Em knows you don't have any Aunts or Uncles. Anyway, I'm feeling lonely out here on the beach," Edward replied.

After pasting a worried look on my face, I put my phone against my chest shielding my whisper from the caller. "She's not going to be with us much longer."  
She rolled her eyes and waved a hand at me dismissively.

I walked out of the kitchen and Rose screamed at me, "We leave to pick up the dresses at noon! Don't be late!"

I cringed at the threat. "Can't wait!"

When I reached Edward out on the sand, I wrapped my arms around his torso and laid my head on his chest. "Oh God," I groaned. "We should just elope."

His chest rumbled out a laugh against my cheek. "Is she that bad?"

"She just…snapped. The photographer canceled and her head almost exploded."

"That would be messy," he deadpanned.

The sun was bright in the cloudless, blue sky and I frowned as I wondered who Rose would curse if it dared rain on her special day. It would be a scene out of an apocalypse film: Terror on everyone's faces as they ran from the ferocious blonde beast that seemed to grow in size with each obscenity that was screamed from deep in her throat.

Edward pulled me down into the sand with him, careful of my hip that had been stretched that morning thanks to some clever positioning on my part. It felt much better but there was still that occasional throbbing pain if I moved or sat the wrong way.

"Have you thought about how…or even when you want to get married? We haven't really talked about it." Edward wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into him.

"Well, I would like something small and intimate with only family and close friends," I told him then added, "the when and the where are bigger concerns for me. I guess we should get married in Chicago since that's where we'll be living."

"We don't have to rush into anything, you know. There's plenty of time, unless you want to get married soon."

I looked up at him. "You really don't care when or how or where, do you?"

The smirk that melted onto his mouth was lick able. "I just want to be married to you, one way or another. The details are insignificant." I raised my eyebrows at his nonchalance and he panicked. "Of course, the vows and ceremony are important to me but everything else doesn't matter."

"Don't you want your Mom to be there?"

He sighed and looked toward the bright, yellow sand that he was sifting through his fingers. "I do want her there but-"

"I want her to be there, too," I interrupted. "In fact, it is a prerequisite for the ceremony. My Dad and your Mom must be present for the exchange of vows."

"We have one fucked up family, you know it?" he said following a chuckle.

With a shrug, I said, "Yeah, but they're our only family and it wouldn't be complete without them there."

"So, just to be clear, we're waiting for my Mom to get well enough to attend our wedding to even plan it?" he asked with amusement in his voice.

"Yeah, and my Dad has to agree to fly out to Chicago," I countered.

He nodded and his smile grew. "I don't think that man would miss your wedding if the world was ending."

I looked at him, shock present on my features. "What makes you say that?"

"When I met him at his retirement party, he…uh…pulled me aside to ask me what my intentions were with you," he said with a laugh.

My mouth fell open. "What?" He shrugged and grinned at me. "First, you call him behind my back to ask his permission to marry me and then he asks you…why didn't you tell me?"

"He asked me not to say anything to you," he mumbled through his grin. "Don't tell him I told you or he'll shoot me; he told me so."

I shook my head and chuckled under my breath. "You guys are, like, best friends now, huh?"

"Well, we do have one very important thing in common." His grip on my shoulder tightened. "Both of us have lots of love for a certain special young lady."

I pushed him away. "God, you sound like my Grandmother."

With a sigh, I leaned back into him and we sat in silence for a while just relishing in the feel of the warming sand between our toes. The tide was low and the waves calm as couples-young and old-walked along the shoreline. It made me think of what married life would be like with Edward. I had no doubt that there were rough times ahead of us but there was something unexplainable about our connection. In terms that made me roll my eyes at my own thoughts: We were meant to be together.

"There's one other prerequisite for the ceremony that I'd like to throw in there," he said softy, breaking me from my thoughts of ever-after and soul mates.

I cut my eyes to him. "Who?"

His mouth curved into a delicious grin. "Bree…I'd like for Bree to be there."

The expression "soul mate" had nothing on Edward.

**~~AMS~~**

Noon rolled around and Alice, Rose and I piled into her SUV to go pick up the dresses. I prayed that the dresses would fit properly and it wouldn't cause Rose to have another nervous breakdown. She'd calmed down since getting the photographer call but she had a frenzied look in her eyes that spoke volumes of her lack of stability.

When we got there, we were greeted by a receptionist that was either overwhelmed or didn't want to be there or both. She sent us to the back room to meet with the seamstress, who had fit Rose in her wedding dress.

"I told them about your extra large ass, Bella," Rose blurted.

An offensive noise came out of my mouth and I raised my eyebrows at her.

"Well, they had to get the fit right, didn't they? It's not like we had loads of time for extra fittings," she said with an eye roll. "You'd rather have it fit than split up the back the first time you sit down, right?"

"Did you make sure to let them know about your big ass head? Or what about your broad shoulders? They are rather man-like," I retorted with a satisfied grin.

Rose set her purse down and grabbed her dress from the seamstress in a huff. Alice let out a nervous giggle and Rose cut her eyes to her. She stiffened and took her own dress gently from the waiting Asian woman who looked like she hadn't been born with a patient bone in her body.

"What are you laughing at, Alice? I had to call ahead to the salon for an extra conditioning treatment to help with your dry ass hair!" Rose snapped. "I don't want the pictures to be focused on your frizzy split ends instead of my big ass head."

Alice gasped and ran a hand through her short black hair. "I do not have…" She took a deep breath and crossed her arms over her chest. "I don't know how they could fit us all in one picture with Bella's big ass and your manly figure. Your calves are bigger than Emmett's, for God's sake!"

Rosalie and I gasped in unison. The Asian seamstress muttered something in a foreign language as she handed my dress to me. She stomped out of the room and past the curtain, still grumbling.

"Alice, you've told me on several accounts that my ass is not overly huge!" I shrieked.

She tilted her head. "Christ, Bella, it's my job as a best friend to lie. You have your own mirror and you can see it for yourself!"

Instinctively, I looked at the mirror in the fitting room and turned sideway to check out my profile. I scowled at my rear; for some reason, it appeared larger after it had been the topic of a conversation.

"You shouldn't attack Bella, Alice. After all, you're the one with the weird glitter obsession," Rose muttered as she yanked her shirt over her head. The collar stuck a little around her over-sized noggin and her hair flumped up into a heap on top of her head as she threw the shirt on the floor. "Glitter went out back in 1995, for fuck's sake."

Alice narrowed her eyes at me.

"What? I didn't say it!" I yelled, pulling my own shirt off.

"You always said you liked my glitter," she murmured.

I held my hands out, palms up in a what-the-fuck gesture. "What was I supposed to say when we had five minutes to be somewhere? 'Go bathe yourself'?"

"Yeah, well, your nostrils are two different sizes," she quipped.

My hand flew to my nose and I narrowed my own eyes. I could see Rose in my periphery nodding her head in agreement as she pulled off her jeans.

"Well, Rose, your arms are really hairy!" I yelled.

She held her arm out and swept her gaze over her forearm. "At least it's blonde hair, Miss Universe of The Ugly Feet."

I wiggled my toes which were still planted firmly in my shoes. "Ha! I already knew about my ugly feet."

"I bet you didn't know about-" Alice started.

"Ladies!" A voice interrupted us. It was the mean-looking receptionist that had semi-greeted us when we arrived. Her eyebrows were pulled together and she was looking downright evil. I chose to look away and pretend that I wasn't being addressed. It was all Alice and Rose. I considered pointing at them to lay the blame but I was slightly frightened by the look on her face. "If you can't quit arguing, I'm going to have to ask you to leave! There are other people who need this fitting room so I have to ask you to move at a quicker pace."

Rose narrowed her eyes at the woman. "Don't yell at my girls like that."

I waited for Rose to shake a fist at her but her eyes apparently said enough. The lady rolled her own eyes and retreated behind the curtain.

All of us looked at each other in our half naked forms. Soon we were all grinning and then laughing and then guffawing. We met in the middle in a huge tangle of hairy forearms, glittery necklines and uneven nostrils. Our hug was tight and meaningful and significant.

"God's honest truth," Rose said, pulling away from us, "You girls are fucking beautiful."

The whole fitting room ordeal seemed to change the mood of the entire wedding; for Rose, especially. She seemed to flunk out of the state of mind where everything had to be perfect. In fact, she told Emmett to call up his Uncle Merle to give him a shot at the photography. When I asked her what changed her mind, she simply smiled and said, "Perspective, Bella."

However, Rosalie's new view on the wedding didn't mean that we weren't running our arses off the day before, either. I had picked up the flowers-with Alice's help-and confirmed the order for the chairs that were supposed to be delivered the next morning. Alice had perfected the arch which was the focal point of the ceremony, and given each of us an at-home facial mask, manicure and pedicure. Edward was performing all the ceremonial music, Jasper practiced X-box, and Emmett was in charge of expelling all bodily gas before 11am the following day. Emmett's job was a chore the entire household had to endure.

That evening, I had made dinner for everyone and we sat down in the dining room for a dressy candle-lit dinner. We ate and enjoyed the looks that Rose and Emmett gave each other over the chicken and potatoes. My insides squirmed at the feeling that must have been going through them: The excitement of their union filling the entire room like a colorful fog that gave all of us with them a contact high.

Edward squeezed me knee under table and we made eye contact with Alice and Jasper. After nodding in agreement with each other, Jasper cleared his throat and pulled a white envelope out of his suit jacket.

"We…uh…all got together and got you guys something," Jasper announced. Emmett and Rose glanced at each of us and then turned their attention on Jasper. Rose looked surprised while Emmett's expression was a mixture of suspicion and curiosity.

"So, here you go," he said, handing Rose the envelope.

She cocked an eyebrow at Jasper who blushed and looked at Alice. I tapped my feet excitedly on the hardwood floor and squeezed Edward's hand. He hid his mouth with his hand so that his grin couldn't give anything away.

"Can I open it, Baby? Please…please…please…." Emmett begged.

All of us laughed, including Rose who handed the envelope to Emmett. He shook it, listened to it and sniffed it before sticking in his thumb and tearing it open. After giving it another sniff, he handed it back to Rose.

"Just checking," he said, giving us the stink-eye one at a time.

Alice threw a roll at Emmett and it grazed his head.

"Missed short stuff! Next time put…Oomph!" The roll that I lobbed hit him in the nose and fell into his mashed potatoes.

"Damn, Swan, good arm!" he exclaimed.

Emmett had distracted us from the true task at hand which was the gift we had all gotten together to buy for Emmett and Rose. When we found out that they had decided to forego a honeymoon until the house had been sold, so we each put in some money to send them on a four day cruise through the Gulf of Mexico. It wasn't much but we wanted them to be able to enjoy a few days together after their nuptials.

Rosalie gasped as she read the brochure and saw the tickets. "You guys…this is too much! It's enough that you're here!"

Emmett snatched the papers from her and smiled as he glanced over them. When he looked up at us, he looked like a kid on Christmas morning.

"You leave early Sunday morning," Alice squeaked out. "Jasper, Bella and I are going to drive you to the dock before we head to the airport for Seattle."

Rose blubbered out a thank you and she hugged each of us several times. Emmett squeezed the breath out of me and he gave Edward a man-hug.

"Edward…Jasper, can I borrow your women for a moment," Emmett asked after we had finished eating dessert.

Edward raised his eyebrows at me. "I suppose that would be up to our women."

Rose cut her eyes to Emmett and she glared at him.

"You're not asking them for advice on writing your vows because you were _supposed_ to write your vows weeks ago," she hissed.

Emmett leaned over and kissed the top of her head. When the expression on her face didn't waver, he squatted down to her eye level and kissed her deeply on the mouth. "Sweetheart, I wrote my vows to you the day that I put that ring on your finger."

Her expression softened and she swatted him on the butt after he raised up. "Okay, I was just checking."

Alice and I followed Emmett into the old people room with doilies on every surface, and he shut the door behind us.

"So…" he said, rubbing his palms together, "what should I say in my vows tomorrow?"

Alice and I wore matching you've-got-to-be-fucking-kidding-me expressions complete with tilted heads and raised brows. He crossed one arm over his chest and pointed to us with a finger before crossing the other one.

"That was not the response I expected."

The noise that came from Alice was laughable: A sort of snort mixed in with a gasp and ending with raspberry. "You have to write your own vows, you big dummy!"

"But, I'm not a good writer," he explained.

I put a hand on his shoulder. "Emmett, it's not about writing ability. It's about your vow to Rose and what she means to you. You have to tell Rose about how she affects you in your life and your promise to her in your marriage. We can't help you with that."

"But I'll end up saying stuff like, 'your heart belongs with my heart' or 'your soul is the missing piece to mine'," he said, and then grimaced at his own words. Alice was on the verge of a loud, breathy "Awwww!" but was cut off by Emmett's continuing rant. "That shit just isn't me and Rose will see right through it."

"So, why _do_ you want to marry Rose?" I asked.

Emmett tapped his chin and stared at the floor in thought. "Well, she's funny and thoughtful and smart. Fuck, I don't know, she's just…I just…shit!"

He threw his hands up in exasperation and looked at us with a distraught look on his face. I had to admit; I felt bad for the guy.

I sighed dramatically and said, "Emmett, in desperate situations when your own words can not be expressed, you can use someone else's."

His face lit up. "Okay, so what should I say? Should I get a pen and paper or will this be fairly easy to memorize?"

"I didn't mean _my _words, you idiot! Find a poem that reminds you of Rose and read it to her but add your own as well. In fact, maybe you could write your own poem." I slapped him on the bicep like they do in the locker room scenes of those inspirational football movies. "You can do it!"

He looked determined when we left him to simmer in his own juices. Probably, we shouldn't have left him sitting with so many doilies because God knows what kind of inspiration would come from that sort of décor.

Edward and Jasper had taken residence in the living room in front of the TV. The table was cleaned off, but Rose still sat in her seat, sipping on a glass of red wine.

"So," she sighed and raised an eyebrow, "what did you tell him to put in his vows?"

I smirked. "I told him to write you a poem."

Wine sprayed out of her pursed lips as she began laughing. When she had finally calmed down, she said, "My wedding is going to be fantastic."

**~~AMS~~**

"Are you sure I don't look fat? I feel fat. This corset thing is so freaking tight!"

Rose was pushing in on her stomach and her curves as if she could ease them away with a sweep of her hand. Her dress was gorgeous on her: White, strapless and flowing behind her as if she were floating on a cloud.

Alice grabbed Rose by the shoulders and held back a shake. "Rose, for the millionth time, you look perfect. You are stunning."

"This isn't like Bella telling you that the glitter is cool, right? You're being serious?"

I bit my lip as Alice's facial muscles twitched. I had a feeling that this wasn't the last time I'd hear about the glitter. Coincidentally, Alice was glitter free in her navy blue dress that matched perfectly to mine. The material was flowing and light but the bodice squeezed my breasts together so tightly that my nipples were almost touching. My chest felt and looked like a disfigured camel. It was uncomfortable and awkward, especially when Emmett's Uncle Merle decided that the camera loved me. Pervert.

I raised my palm to the heavens and looked at the ceiling fan. "God, strike me dead right now if I'm not being truthful about Rosalie being absolutely gorgeous in that dress."

Rose squeezed her eyes shut and Alice flinched. Nothing happened.

"See!"

Rose opened her eyes and relaxed. "Damn, you don't have to get all dramatic about it."

I opened my mouth to respond but was cut off by three soft taps on the door.

"Emmett! Just take your vows off the internet for God's sake!" Rose shouted.

"It's Edward," a voice said through the door.

Hopping excitedly toward the door, I opened it up and squeezed out. His wide eyes went straight to my chest.

"Christ, are you trying to kill me?" His voice cracked and sweat bubbled on his brow.

"I can't help it! Rose told them about my ass but apparently, she thinks my boobs are small," I complained.

"I heard that!" came a strangled voice from behind the door.

"Uh…I just came to see if…" he trailed off, his eyes hypnotized by my freaky camel chest. After a few more moments, he shook himself out of the trance and continued, "Is Rose ready for me to start the music?"

"I'm ready!" she yelled.

I rolled my eyes. "Apparently, she's ready."

"I feel like I should…get you a sweatshirt or something," Edward said with a grimace as he once again became engrossed in my cleavage. "Do you need a wrap…or something?"

"Why? Do you have a spare wrap I could borrow?" My tone was half teasing and half annoyed. There was nothing I could do about the boobs.

His eyes met mine, reluctantly. "I'll go out and buy you one if it means-"

I shoved him down the hall. "Go! I'll find something to cover up with after the ceremony."

"You are keeping that dress though, right?" he called over his shoulder.

Soon enough, we were all three stumbling down the stairs in a heap of navy blue and white. I could faintly hear the strum of Edward's guitar but we were too far away to make out a specific song. Luckily, Rosalie's dress didn't have a train so we didn't have to worry about sweeping sand up as we walked.

When we finally reached the sand, I could hear Edward picking away at his instrument. I didn't recognize the song but it was really beautiful. My stomach quivered as I imagined him sitting there, plucking away at the strings. His face would be poised in concentration and his long fingers would be moving gracefully as they expertly moved over the guitar. The muscles in his forearms moving like waves on the ocean underneath that fine dusting of soft hair that resided there.

"Bella, when he starts playing _Pachelbel Canon in D_, you start walking down the aisle just like we practiced it in the rehearsal this morning," Rose whispered.

I screwed up my face. "I don't know that song."

Alice and Rose looked equally affronted.

Alice muttered, "You are going to need so much help with your wedding."

"Just tap me or something and I'll start walking."

I peeked out at the guests and grinned at the setting. The sun was shining bright so most of the guests had on sunglasses. There were only about forty guests but they were all close to Emmett or Rose in one way or the other. Reverend Kappel was standing underneath the ivy covered arch beside Emmett, wiping his brow with a white handkerchief.

Emmett was wearing a navy blue dress shirt that hung loose and not tucked into his black pants dress pants. Jazz and Edward were dressed a little more casually with button up white oxford shirts and loose khakis.

"It's perfect, Rose," I whispered to her.

She beamed and hopped excitably on her toes.

I could hear Edward ending a song, pausing for a moment and then starting a new one. Rose tapped my shoulder and I grabbed her hand for one last squeeze.

"I love you, girl," she said, her eyes welling with tears.

"I love you, too," I told her. "Next time I talk to you, you'll be Mrs. Emmett McCarty."

She brushed a tear from under her eye with her forefinger and mumbled, "God help me."

The walk down the aisle was nerve wracking and I prayed that someone didn't shout out a loud "Boo!" because something would definitely fly. My nerves corded my stomach into a tight ball and my muscles were so tense that I was sure they would be sore the next day.

Edward looked up at me as I got closer, his fingers continuing their graceful movement on the guitar. I grinned at him and he winked at me, causing my stomach to swirl with a completely different emotion.

Jasper looked nervous and sweaty. Emmett looked proud and excited. He blew me a kiss as I found my place in the sand, next to a large flower arrangement and Uncle Merle. I chanced a peek at Emmett's perverted Uncle and thank heavens that he was focused on Alice, who had begun her journey down the aisle, and not my boobs. I was sure there would be pictures of just my chest on that roll of film. Most likely, Emmett would get them blown up and mailed to Edward anonymously.

After Alice, came Rose and the entire audience stood as she walked gracefully toward Emmett. He was all she seemed to see as she grinned and tears glistened on her reddened cheeks. She finally reached him and he grabbed a hold of her arm as if he were keeping her knees from buckling. Her fingers dug into his arm, using his strength to keep her from plummeting to the earth.

It was sad, in that moment, that no one was there to see her down the aisle where a father should have been. They had been invited but Rose never received a response. She said that she had made her peace with it but it had to affect her, having no one to give her away. Anger and sorrow rushed through me as I pictured her parents' million dollar homes and thousand dollar suits. But the emotions came and went as I focused on the couple in front of me who would be ten times happier in their lives together than those two miserable people could imagine.

As Rose and Emmett listened to the Reverend, I thought about the money that made William and Prudence Hale think they were happy. Was it possible that I was looking at my own situation through the same foggy money-hungry glasses? The money I could receive from the Science Foundation would solve some serious problems in our lives but there was a huge possibility that it could backfire on us. No one had ever passed the test so I didn't know how they would use my gift for their foundation. Would I always be held in their clutches as a sort of show-n-tell? Or could I just show them my gift, have it videotaped and be done with it? Unfortunately, I had my bets on the former. That was why I needed Edward. To have his support and knowledge of contracts, I wouldn't feel so alone and helpless.

I peeked at Edward, who had stood up beside Jasper. He was tall and lean and breathtakingly beautiful with his long fingers clasped in front of him and his eyes focusing on the Reverend. I didn't think it was possible to love someone so much. I wasn't the type of girl to depend upon someone else. Nor was I the type of girl to change in order to be accepted by a man. But I decided right there, as I listened to Rosalie say her promises of love and devotion to her husband, that if Edward told me not to do this, I would obey. I needed his support but more than that, I needed him in my life.

"Emmett, your may say your vows…"

The Reverend's words mentally slapped me from my daytime revelry.

Emmett shuffled on his feet and cleared his throat. His voice was loud but soft as he spoke to her, looking into her eyes as if she were the only thing that mattered. "She's got a smile that it seems to me, reminds me of childhood memories where everything was as fresh as the bright blue sky."

With my lips pressed together tightly, I could feel my face flush as Alice peeked at me. He was going to blame this on me, I knew he was. I wanted to explain myself, tell the audience that I had recommended poetry, not Axle Rose. At least he wasn't singing, I thought to myself.

"Now and then when I see her face, she takes me away to that special place where if I stare too long, I'd probably break down and cry." To my surprise, Emmett was tearing up and his voice cracked as he spoke the words to the song. This wasn't just a song that he picked out of the shuffle on his I-Pod. He really meant what he was saying and apparently, Rose knew it because tears flooded her grinning cheeks as he continued his vows.

"She's got eyes of the bluest skies, as if they've thought of rain. I hate to look into those eyes and see an ounce of pain. Her hair reminds me of a warm, safe place where as a child I'd hide and pray for the thunder and the rain to quietly pass me by."

I glanced at Edward as he watched Emmett: His expression was smug. This had been _his_ idea. It made me wonder what song Edward would choose as his vow and my stomach fluttered. Suddenly, this whole song quote wasn't such a bad idea, after all.

Emmett broke from the lyrics and then added his own words. "Rose, you know how much I adore you. No matter where you live, no matter what you do, no matter what you look like in fifty years, I'll be right there by your side." He shrugged then added, "I might be fat, bald and gassy but I'll be there."

* * *

**A/N: Emmett is one of a kind, eh? If anyone didn't know already, the song Emmett chose to use in his vows was "Sweet Child of Mine" by Guns N Roses. Hopefully, this chapter made someone out there smile a little. :)**

***On a sidenote, the piece I'm writing for the 4LLS charity donation is a part 2 Epilogue in EPOV. I will not be posting this on FF. There are SO many fantastic authors donating for this so I encourage everyone to take a peek at the author list. A minimum donation of $5 will get you some damn good fanfiction entertainment. The link for 4LLS is on my profile.**

**Also, thanks to Cartnee, I've started a Facebook Author Page. I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing so Cartnee has volunteered to help me along. Thanks for that, girl! I may post teasers or what-not. Like I said-I'm effing clueless. Link on my profile. **

**Thanks for reading/reviewing/glancing. Your reviews give me the same feeling you get when you open up presents on Christmas morning. I'm so thankful. :)**


	33. Chapter 33 Exploding Turkeys

**A/N: Again, I thank all my readers, especially those who take the time to review and give me feedback. The truth is, I think I'm funny sometimes and I'm the only one laughing. You have proven me wrong. I love you for that. :-) ****Two chapters and an Epilogue left. I'm gonna miss these kids.**

**Thank you, SR, my beautiful friend for pre-reading. Nothing says friendship like fixing some Em-dashes.**

**Disclaimer: The brilliant Stephanie Meyer owns all the characters. **

**Chapter song: "You've Got The Love" by Florence and The Machine**

* * *

Emmett and Rosalie's reception was short and sweet. There wasn't a dinner but there were delicious appetizers, finger sandwiches and cake. It ended around 7pm with the six of us sitting together in the living room in silence. An eerie mixture of somberness and satisfaction hung around us in the air. I'd miss Emmett and Rose but I was happy they were married. I was sad that the weekend was over but I couldn't have wished it any other way. It had been perfect.

With knowing smiles on all of our faces, Emmett and Rose retired to their bedroom. Soon after, Alice grabbed Jasper's hand and they walked side by side up the stairs to their room. After some bickering over what the heels had done to my feet, Edward playfully swung me over his shoulder and carried me up to our room.

Then the bastard planted himself in front of the computer and started clicking away.

"Come to bed, Edward," I begged.

He ignored me as he stared hypnotically at the laptop in front of him. I had a feeling he was doing research on my upcoming appointment. As happy as it made me that he was taking this seriously—instead of a flat out "No!"—there were other things I wanted him to be doing in that moment.

My body was running on empty but anticipating the moment where my gorgeous fiancé settled between my legs wearing nothing but a smug grin. I had already done my part: I was stripped bare and twisting under the sheets, trying desperately to make myself look tempting. At one point, I had everything but my va-jay-jay exposed but decided that was a little too whore-like so I pulled my sheet up in a rush before Edward could see me. Unfortunately, the sheet went straight between my legs and I got a vagina wedgie. With a quiet grunt, I removed the sheet and glanced at Edward in hopes that he didn't see my neediness that had turned into whorish-klutziness. Every girl had those whorish-klutzy moments and every girl was relieved when it was just herself who noticed.

"Eeeedwaaard," I whined.

A whorish-klutz was never above whining or begging. When you get to the point of whorish-klutziness, there's no going back. You've sunken to the depths of desperate seduction when you've reached that level.

"Just a minute, Baby," he said, to his computer screen. "I just want to read some more of the…uh…the…details."

I narrowed my eyes at the back of his head and then uncovered a knee. I spread my legs…tried to imagine myself…then put my legs back together. I stared at the ceiling—it was too bad that there wasn't a mirror above this bed.

"Damn…" I mumbled, imagining the view from above when Edward was mounted and pounding into me. The muscles of his back, flexing and releasing with each thrust and pull; his delicious ass clenching with each powerful jolt of testosterone flooding through him; the tension in his body when he reached his climax and spilled into me.

"You okay? You're making some strange noises," he muttered.

I opened my eyes not realizing that I had closed them, and pulled my hand away from my nipple. Shit—I was really breathing heavy.

"Why don't you turn around and find out," I whispered, huskily. With a rush of energy, I turned on my side, flung my bent leg over the other one and licked my lips. Regrettably, I was out of mattress so my naked ass felt onto the floor with a thud.

"Christ, Bella!" Edward bent down, the computer chair squealing beneath his weight. "What happened? You're…you're naked."

If you've ever fallen in the nude, you'd know how horrible the experience is; especially if you're trying to be sexy. Falling in the nude is NEVER sexy. Things go this way and that, body parts that are usually hidden go on a jiggling spree, and unstoppable noises are naturally released from your throat. Falling in the nude goes way beyond whorish-klutziness. It's hooker-carelessness.

I climbed onto the bed in a rush and pulled the sheet in front of me, suddenly shy because of all the things my body just did that he possibly hadn't seen yet. He just stared at me from the chair—his eyes wide and unreadable.

"What?" I asked, and then said matter-of-factly, "I'm trying to turn you on."

The corners of his mouth twitched as his eyes swept over my covered and blushing body. I waved a hand, fan-like, over my face because my embarrassment was making me sweat. That was just what I needed to overcome my hooker-carelessness…sweat.

"Look!" I exclaimed, just to break the silence. "I'm all sweaty."

He cocked his head and his smirk turned into a grin. "Why are you all sweaty, Bella?"

This was my cue to turn this whole evening around. I should have said something sexy with Marilyn-Monroe-lips, like "I'm all sweaty because you make me so hot". Instead, I shrugged and continued to fan myself.

"If I had known you were naked, I would have turned that computer off ages ago," he told me, his voice suddenly hoarse. His fingers started working the buttons of his white Oxford that he had worn to the wedding. I watched him, button by button, as he worked his way down. When he got to the last one, he let it slide off his shoulders.

"I was trying to tell you to hurry up," I murmured, transfixed on his hands which were unbuckling his pants. "We need some music to this."

He chuckled and pulled his legs out of his khaki pants. "We'll make our own music."

During this time, while Edward was torturing me with a slow striptease, I had forgotten all about trying to appear sexy. My eyes were excitably wide, my mouth was hanging open and drool gathered in the pocket of my cheek. I wasn't sure what my body was doing because my attention was focused on Edward's fingers yanking down his boxers in a swift and desperate manner.

He climbed onto the bed next to me and slid the sheet away from my body. Before I could grow shy, his mouth found my nipple and my hands found his hair.

"Dear God in heaven…will you do this every night after we're married?" I asked followed by a moan.

He pulled his mouth away from my nipple and looked up at me. "Are you praying or are you asking me a question?"

My brows pulled together slightly as I considered his question. "Maybe a little of both."

He chuckled and returned his mouth to my breast as his fingers found the opposite nipple. My back arched against his mouth and my hips started bucking, desperate to find something to form some friction. The growing ache in my lower abdomen outweighed any residual pain in my hip from the transplant procedure. He moved between my thighs and I felt the tip of him at my entrance.

"I love you," he whispered, brushing a piece of my hair off my cheek. When he pushed inside of me, he said it again and again. My body arched to meet his with every thrust, every move, every word and we were like a machine, his hips working like a piston. The way he filled my body and warmed me was excruciatingly peaceful.

"Edward…please…" What I was begging for, I didn't know but apparently he did. He moved quicker over me and into me until I felt my insides clench around him. As he finished and spilled into me, he groaned loudly into my ear. The tips of his fingers brushed tenderly over the sensitive skin of my breasts and my neck and my cheeks. When our eyes met, we grinned at each other as our chests heaved with breaths.

"I can't wait to marry you," he told me, rubbing his nose against mine.

I pecked him gently on the lips. "I think I'm going to put this in my marriage vows."

He pulled himself out of me and climbed over me, rolling onto his side. "You don't have to; you could just put it in song form like Emmett did."

I laughed. "Yeah, okay, my marriage vows could be…hmm…how about Marvin Gaye's _Let's Get It On_? I'm sure the minister wouldn't mind that."

"I would accept that," he teased, "As long as there's a dance number to go along with it."

"Emmett didn't have to dance," I argued.

He made a noise. "Would you _want_ to see him dance? You should have heard how much persuasion it took to talk him out of singing his vows."

I gasped then laughed. "You should have let him."

Edward tickled my rib cage with his fingers and I giggled. "I had to watch out for him, seeing as the best advice you gave him was to write a poem."

"He really wasn't going to…"

He nodded and rolled his eyes. "It even started with 'Roses are red'; he thought that was pretty clever considering he was marrying a girl named 'Rose'."

I laughed until my cheeks hurt at the thought of Emmett writing Rosalie a poem.

"It's kind of sweet, though."

Edward snorted. "Yeah, to an eight year old. Rosalie would have-"

"She would have loved it because it was Emmett who wrote it."

He smiled down at me, all kidding aside and said, "Yeah, she probably would have."

"So, what 'cha looking up on the computer that took your attention away from your naked girlfriend?" I asked.

"Well," he sighed, "I was researching that science organization that is coming to Chicago to investigate you."

"They're not investigating me, Edward."

"Yeah, they are-the whole point of this 'half-million dollar challenge' is to find someone so that they can prove to the world that they're not a bunch of crazies wasting their lives on researching non-existent entities. You'll be used, Bella."

I sighed. "Not if we don't let them."

"I have to actually read the contract before I back you up on this. Like I told you before, I'm going to support you regardless but if I don't trust these people, I'm going to say so. If I feel like this is going to hurt our relationship, then I'm going to fight it."

"I want you with me on this…this isn't a Bella thing. This is an Edward-Bella thing, okay?" I asked him. "If I thought for a second that this would affect our lives together in a bad way, I'd tell them to fuck off in a heartbeat."

He nodded and kissed my shoulder.

"If you don't feel right about this, then tell me because I can't do this without you." He opened his mouth to say something but I stopped him by putting my finger on his lips. "And I don't mean, I need you because I need your 'magic touch'. I need your support behind me."

Edward grinned cheekily and ran a hand down the outside of my thigh. "I can definitely give you support from behind."

**~~AMS~~**

As I disconnected from the call, I sighed in relief. Bree was going to be able to go home soon. She had been in the hospital-post transplant-for a month and she had been doing exceptionally well. Her voice was even stronger as she told me about the hair on her head starting to grow and the cute male nurse who took care of her on third shift. I told her that I was proud of her and that I'd come to Florida to see her on the first chance I got, which I was hoping would be sometime in the early Spring. It would be awkward to see Renee but I felt like there were bigger and better things than our troubled past. We would both just have to get over it.

Bree still had a long road ahead of her. Bone Marrow Transplants could take a turn for the worse, even if things looked good. The first one hundred days were critical and she had to be watched like a hawk. She could be feeling fantastic one day and the next, her condition could plummet just because of a common cold. Bree was a fighter but I wasn't sure how much fight she had left in her. My mind traveled back to a month ago, when I'd seen her in that hospital bed back at Nemour's Clinic. She was so broken and her body was so frail. I shuddered when I thought of things getting worse for her.

"You almost ready?" Alice's voice shook me from my thoughts. "Your flight leaves in two hours."

I stood from my bed. "I'm all set."

The ride to the airport was silent. This would be our first Thanksgiving apart in a very long time and I hadn't realized how much it affected both of us until we'd gotten all of my luggage piled into the car.

"What am I going to do when you move away?" Alice mumbled, her voice shaky.

I took a deep breath and blinked away tears. "I will come visit, Al. Plus, Charlie still lives in Forks so I'll come to visit him, too."

She sniffled. "You won't forget about me."

I couldn't help it-I choked out a sob and grabbed her free hand. "I could never forget you, Alice. You're my best friend, no matter where I live."

With a whimper, she squeezed my hand tighter.

"What about me?" Jasper mocked from the back seat. "Are you going to forget about me?"

Alice and I both giggled out sobs.

"Don't make fun," I scolded.

Jasper rolled his eyes. "You still have six…no, seven months still in Seattle. What are you two getting so weepy for?"

"Bella is my best friend, Jazz!" Alice screeched. "We don't know that she has seven months left in Seattle! She's getting on a plane that could crash into the mountains, for God's sake! This could be the last time I ever see her!"

Jasper and I blinked at her for a few beats.

"Thanks, Alice, you're super at this comforting thing."

Her shoulders sagged. "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that; I'm sure your flight will be totally fine."

"I feel _so_ much better," I deadpanned.

Thankfully, my flight traveled smoothly across the Midwest, and landed without delay at O'Hare Airport in Chicago. It was the day before Thanksgiving and people were running around the airport like mad. People were yelling at each other, women were tugging children along after them, and luggage carts were running over toes left and right. After reminding myself to never fly around the holidays again, I picked up my luggage and wheeled it past security.

There were so many people that it was hard to find Edward, at first. When I spotted him, he was standing tall and peering out into the crown in search of me. A couple of college girls eyed him as they passed, giggling in each other ears as they looked him up and down. I wanted to smack them in the back of the head and threaten them but I held it together. Sneakily, I walked around his viewing range until I was in back of him so that he didn't even know I had approached. I snaked my arms around his waist and he stiffened as I tugged him toward me.

"Hey, Sexy, can't wait to get you home and into bed," I said from behind him. Because he was a head taller than me and the airport was loud with greetings and goodbyes, it was much louder than I had anticipated it to be.

Edward twisted in my arms, looked into my eyes then over my shoulder. "Carlisle and Esme came with me to pick you up!"

I looked over my shoulder and felt my face heat up. The held-back-grin look on Carlisle's face told me that he had heard my greeting.

"Hey, guys!" I exclaimed over my blush. "It's so good to see you!"

Reluctantly, I released my grip on Edward to give them each a hug. Esme fussed over my engagement ring, even though she'd seen it several times before. She told me that it looked perfect on my hand.

"Why didn't you tell me that they were coming," I whispered to Edward on the walk to the car.

He tilted his head and smirked at me. "What? And miss the chance at seeing your cheeks turn a beautiful shade of pink?"

I forgave him after he discreetly squeezed my butt and kissed me on the cheek.

Over dinner at Carlisle and Esme's, I was nervous for more than one reason. The first was the fact that Edward and I agreed to let his Aunt and Uncle in on my little secret. After dessert, we were going to gather in the living room and I was going to blow their mind by elevating something in front of them using only my brainwaves. They didn't suspect a thing, according to Edward—he hadn't even hinted around at a surprise.

The second thing I was nervous about was having Thanksgiving dinner with Edward's Mom. We were taking part in the family get-together at the hospital she was staying in so that she could spend the day with Edward and The Cullens. I was afraid of feeling like an outsider, even though Edward told me she had been doing better since signing the Realty papers for the house. She knew I was coming but that didn't ease my anxiety.

The third, and least worrisome, was the meeting with the Science people on Friday. They were coming to the house unless I called it off. The big reveal to Carlisle and Esme would be huge in making the decision on whether we would pursue the half-million dollars. Their opinions meant a lot to Edward and me.

Dinner seemed to fly by and the apple pie was gone in a blink. I rubbed my aching, full tummy and glanced at Edward in question.

"You ready?" he asked with raised brows.

I grimaced. He smirked and grabbed my hand before standing up at the table. Reluctantly, I followed suit as Esme and Carlisle looked at us expectantly.

"Would you guys mind coming into the living room?" Edward looked at me and squeezed my hand. "Bella and I have to talk to you about something."

"Of course," Carlisle said, standing up. "I'll clear the table after we're done, honey."

I wasn't sure if Esme had heard him because her eyes were wide and pasted to Edward. She rose slowly and followed us to the living room. Carlisle was the Caboose of our silent train of dysfunctional wonderment.

They sat on the couch as Edward-still clutching my hand-and I stood in front of them. Edward opened his mouth but Esme interrupted with a loud blurted question.

"Are you pregnant?" Her voice was squeaky and high-pitched.

Carlisle cut his eyes to her but didn't look surprised. It was probably what he had been thinking, too.

I started giggling like a maniac. Edward's face paled as he shook his head.

"Uh…no, she's not…we're not…" I found it even more humorous that he couldn't get the word out and showed my feelings with an even louder spurt of giggles.

Edward turned his face to me, giving me an I'm-two-seconds-from-grabbing-your-shoulders-and-shaking-the-shit-out-of-you expression. So I stopped. Abruptly. Which made me seem even crazier.

I cleared my throat. "Perhaps, we should just show them."

He nodded as our audience of two watched us with confused expressions.

"What should I use?" I asked.

Edward searched the room with his eyes and then pointed to a shelf. "The little turkey; it would be fitting, no?"

"Is it valuable?" I asked.

Edward grinned. "It's a little ceramic turkey. It's worth about fifty cents."

"What are you going to do to my little turkey?" Esme asked with an apprehensive tone to her voice.

"What if I break it?" I asked, ignoring Esme's question.

A look of pride crossed over Edward's features and it made me want to strip him nude and hump his leg. "You won't."

I took a deep breath, focused on my hand that was grasping Edward's and told our audience to watch the little turkey.

"What's it supposed to do?" Carlisle asked after half a second.

"Just keep your eye on it." Edward was getting annoyed.

Another half second passed.

"It's not going to explode, is it?" Esme asked.

I wasn't looking at him but I could imagine the look on Edward's face. His head thrown back in exhaustion, blood flooding his face and his eyes squeezed shut.

"Nothing is going to explode, I promise," Edward said.

I sorta wished he hadn't said that because anything was possible when it came to my gift. It was unpredictable. Nothing had exploded so far but I was discovering new things about it every day. It wasn't a month ago that I'd given a Jackass a wedgie with my brain. Exploding turkeys was not out of the question.

"I got that turkey last year as a…"

As Esme told the story of the coming of the turkey into The Cullen Household, I focused on moving it. It wobbled and lifted into the air as if it were strapped to invisible strings.

"…and I told the lady that there was a Clearance sticker on the bottom of it. She looked at me-"

"Esme," Carlisle mumbled, transfixed by the floating ceramic turkey.

"-like I was insane! So I had her call the-"

"Esme!" Carlisle said, this time a little more forcefully.

Her hands rose, palm up and she looked at him, annoyed. "What?"

With a shaky finger, he pointed to the little turkey that was doing little figure eights in the air above them. I was showing off a little. _So what?_

Edward's thumb rubbed my knuckle and I could practically hear him smiling.

"How in…How is this happening?" Carlisle mumbled. "Is this some sort of practical joke?"

He stood up from the couch and gawked at the flying turkey. With his mouth agape, he reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out his glasses. He put them on, pulled them off then put them back on again.

"Bella is telekinetic," Edward told him, "She was born with it."

Carlisle glanced at me. Esme muttered out a colorful curse and Edward laughed.

"What was that, Auntie?"

"I said, 'Holy Fucking Shit'."

I laughed and the turkey fell a few inches so I regained my focus. Carlisle reached out and waved his hands over it and under it; his medical brain attempting to find some sort of logic.

"This is amazing?" he mumbled. "Can you…can you move something else?"

I floated the turkey over to Esme. Her eyes grew wide and her mouth formed a perfect little "O" as the turkey stopped. I dropped it lightly in her lap then with a small noise, she proceeded to faint.

When Esme was conscious again and Carlisle was focused back on the topic at hand, he asked me to do several things to prove my ability. I wasn't offended. He was a doctor and this wasn't something that could be read about in textbooks or medical brochures. So, after I'd closed the curtains, turned on the faucets in the kitchen and sailed a banana through the air, Edward intervened. I was thankful since the beginnings of a headache were playing around in my forehead.

"Okay, you get the point," he announced.

"How do you do it?" Carlisle asked. "Who else knows about this? Have you seen a doctor? What about an MRI? Have they done an MRI?"

Edward stepped halfway in front of me and I found it amusing that he was protecting me from his own uncle. "Carlisle, take it easy. This isn't a comfortable topic for Bella."

I ran my palm up Edward's spine.

"No, its fine," I told him with a smile. "I haven't seen a doctor so I've never had an MRI done and the only people who know are my parents, my best friend and Edward. And now you guys."

Esme covered her mouth with her hand.

"Why did you decide to…tell us?" Carlisle asked.

Following a sigh, I told them about the half-million dollar challenge. Carlisle ran a hand through his hair as I told them about the appointment I had set up for the day after Thanksgiving.

"We wanted to know what you thought about it."

"What do you mean?" Esme squeaked. Her face was still pale and she was clutching onto a pillow as if it were a life raft.

I interrupted Edward. "We're afraid that if I agree to do this and we get the money, that it will take over our lives. Edward is sort of a trigger for calm for me when it comes to this ability so he would be involved, too."

"Plus, I'm going to be your husband." He was annoyed with me but I ignored him.

"He's a trigger for calm; what do you mean by that?" Carlisle asked.

"When I touch him, I can control it; otherwise, it happens spontaneously. I've worked on controlling it by breathing exercises and constant awareness but things still happen."

Edward chuckled beside me. "I scared her in Florida one night and the glass she was drinking out of exploded."

"Exploded? The glass exploded?" Esme shrieked. Her hands were tight around the fabric of the pillow and I feared that I'd lost her. Just like my Mom.

I looked at the floor and said, "It didn't explode; it broke."

"That's fascinating," Carlisle said in a very doctor-like tone. "Is this with practice or—"

"From the first moment I touched him, I felt it."

Carlisle looked at us, probably separating his thoughts into files within his brain.

"Tell me more about this Science Organization."

And we did.

Before we had come down for dinner, Edward has asked me not to mention what I wanted to do with the money. He didn't want the hope of relieving their financial burden to affect their thoughts on the matter. The fact that it would help pay for Elizabeth's care at the hospital would take so much stress out of their lives.

But I'd told them everything else, and gave them the website so that they could look at it themselves. Esme seemed completely withdrawn and detached, but Carlisle was fascinated.

"Well, I can't make this decision for you," he told us.

"What would you do?" I asked.

He smirked a little. "I'd take the money and run."

I looked at Edward whose expression seemed neutral in spite of the furrowed brows and deep stare. Esme flinched at Carlisle's words and excused herself from the living room.

My heart broke as I watched her walk away. I had lost her. This unique and horrible thing that lived in my flesh and my blood and my brain had ruined whatever budding relationship I had with her.

I said as much to Edward as we lay together in bed that night after making love.

"She'll come around," Edward said. He traced a pattern in the bare sensitive flesh of my lower back. "It's a lot to wrap your mind around."

"You didn't seem freaked out when you first found out," I argued.

He scoffed. "Are you kidding? I was totally freaked out. Remember that you didn't see me for at least 24 hours after the whole thing happened."

My memory surfed back to the day after the incident in the alley. "That's right! You took a walk on the beach that lasted about six hours. Where did you go?"

There was hesitation in his voice as he spoke. "I went to look for him."

I furrowed my brows. "Who?"

"That son of a bitch who attacked you in that alley-I went to look for him. I wanted to beat the shit out of him."

My lips found the soft flesh underneath his earlobe and I kissed it. "You were my hero that night."

"You're the one that got us out of that whole mess, Bella." I opened my mouth to argue but he stopped me by fiercely crushing me to his side. "When I thought about how you did that-after I got over the whole telekinesis thing-it amazed me. There's nothing I would change about you, no matter how horrible this is to live with. I know you see it as a curse but I see it as a part of you. If we meet with these…people…I feel like you're exposing such a vulnerable part of you that they will feel welcome to expose in any shape or form."

"So, you don't want me to do it?" I asked, looking up at him.

He blinked at me a few times before answering, "No, I want you to do this because you'll never be at peace with your ability if you don't. I think you're stronger than that; too strong to be taken advantage of."

"No," I replied and kissed the stubble on his chin. "_We_ are stronger than that."

**~~AMS~~**

"She totally hates me," I mumbled as I plopped down on the bed. "Did you see her face when I accidentally spit a piece of corn at Carlisle?"

Edward laughed. Not just a good humor chuckle, either. It was a full blown belly laugh where his head flew back and I spotted all four of his fillings.

"It's not funny!" I growled through pressed molars.

He laughed some more and I slapped him on the arm. Hard.

"Ow!" he said, half-whining and half-laughing. "You're abusive!"

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"It wasn't that bad and she does not hate you," he said, pulling me into a hug. "She thinks you're cute."

I scrunched my face up. "She thinks I'm cute in the same way that a three legged dog is cute."

He continued laughing as I changed for bed.

"I'm serious when I say that she likes you," he told me. "What she wouldn't like is for me to bring home some stuck up rich girl from the East side."

"So, she likes me because I'm homely and poor?"

Edward rolled his eyes, exasperated by my lack of confidence when it came to impressing his mom. "She likes you because you're easy to talk to, fun to be around."

"She liked the corn?"

There was more laughing. "She thinks spitting corn at Carlisle should be a new Thanksgiving tradition."

"It _was_ an accident," I told him.

He smiled at me. "I'm sure it was."

"You think she'll give us her blessing?" I asked.

"She already _has_ given us her blessing." He sighed and kissed my forehead. "Besides, even if she didn't, there's nothing that would stop me from marrying you."

I kissed him on his neck then nibbled his earlobe.

"You're sure about tomorrow? I can still cancel it."

His hands went under my t-shirt and cupped my breasts.

"I'm sure if you're sure."

I groaned as his thumbs rubbed my nipples until they stood erect. With my eyes closed, I let out a classic dirty girl blurt. "I think I need a good luck fuck."

The sound of his breath hitching and the feel of his thumbs ceasing their ministrations caused me to open one eye to peek at him.

He looked hungry.

The next morning, I scampered down the stairs with a smile on my face and a hitch in my giddy-up-thanks to Edward's wishes of good luck-and came across Esme making coffee in the kitchen. She turned around at the sound of feet scuffling on the floor and looked shocked to see me.

We hadn't been alone since I let my freak flag fly, and she hadn't said much to me the previous day so I wasn't sure how smooth our conversation would go. I already knew I had lost her and it hurt but she was going to be my family whether she liked it or not. Hopefully, one day she would be able to accept me.

"Oh, Bella, I didn't see you there," she said, a hand on her heart as if I'd announced myself with a loud "Whoop!"

"It's okay," I murmured. "Are you getting ready to have breakfast?"

"Uh…actually, I just put the coffee on and I was going to take a shower. Help yourself to whatever you want. If you want to wait, I'll make you something."

I waved her off. "I'll find something. There's bound to be Pop tarts here somewhere."

She giggled, nervously. "They should be in the pantry."

Carlisle walked into the kitchen, fully dressed, just as my Pop tarts were living up their name and popping out of the toaster. He was suited up in a charcoal gray blazer and suit pants and accented with a navy blue tie.

"Morning, Bella! How are you feeling? Nervous?" He put some bread and the toaster then turned around to look at me.

"Not really; I'm more worried about Esme," I said.

His brows furrowed and he smirked. "Why? Are you afraid she'll go all Mama Bear on the guy?"

My face screwed up into confusion. "What do you mean by that?"

He cocked his head. "What do you mean, 'what do I mean'?"

I blew out a sigh. "You really are a Psychiatrist."

He appeared annoyed at my joke.

"What do you mean about the 'Mama Bear' thing?" I asked.

He grinned. "Esme is very protective of her family. She may appear soft spoken but she's been known to throw some punches in her time."

"Figurative punches?" I asked.

His smile grew as he said, "Figurative and literal punches."

My mouth fell open and I almost lost some cherry Pop tart. "She's punched someone before?"

He nodded. "One of Lizzie's Doctors, actually; they messed with her meds without telling Lizzie or us so she cold-cocked the bastard."

"She hit a man?"

"Made me feel like shit because there I was, stating laws to the guy and here she comes in with her fists flying. She got him right in the nose." I laughed, imagining Esme going all Mike Tyson on a lab coat. "Broke four bones in her right hand."

"How'd the other guy fair?"

He shrugged a shoulder. "He's the lucky one out of the whole situation. After he got his nose fixed-because Esme broke it-he told us that he wouldn't press charges if we didn't pursue a lawsuit against the hospital."

"That's awesome-that she's so protective," I said, grinning.

"You know the truly awesome thing?" he asked.

"What?"

"Esme is left handed."

"Nice," I hissed.

"What are you all fancied up for?" Edward asked from behind us.

I looked down at my jeans and sweater and was about to question his sanity when I realized he was talking to Carlisle.

His uncle rose from the stool and smoothed out the lapels of his suit jacket.

"I'm Bella's doctor," he said then glanced at me, "If that's okay with you."

I shrugged. "Okay."

"I ask again…why the suit?" Edward asked.

"I have to be a professional," Carlisle said, grinning.

Edward rolled his eyes then muttered, "Showoff."

An hour later, we were sitting in the living room in silence, waiting for our visitor from the Science Group. Carlisle had removed his suit jacket due to overheating and Esme was making a meal out of her fingernails. Edward's knee was bouncing up and down beside me and he was tapping his fingers to an uneven beat.

"Would you guys calm down? It's going to be fine!" I said.

Three pairs of eyes blinked at me.

Esme's throaty voice broke the silence. "Is it too early to drink?"

I wasn't sure why they were all so apprehensive and I didn't have too much time to consider the reasons because the doorbell rang.

Carlisle ran a hand through his hair and announced, "I'll get it!"

"What's wrong with everyone?" I whispered to Edward. "You guys are acting like I'm getting ready for a duel at high noon!"

One side of his mouth twitched into a grin. "We love you, Bella, and we know how huge this is for you. All of us want to make sure that these people aren't going to fuck you over."

In wonderment, I looked over at Esme. She was wringing her hands and looking toward the front door where Carlisle was introducing himself. I thought of Carlisle and his suit. Edward and his nerves.

_These people love me._

I realized then that I hadn't lost Esme. Carlisle not only accepted me but wanted to represent me as my doctor. Edward had never lost faith in me, even when I had little faith in myself.

_These people love me._

"Ms. Swan?" A nasally voice broke me from my revelation. "I'm Ned Ryerson from the JWEF." _The James Walsh Educational Foundation _had sent their finest: He was classic nerd with a black comb over and ridiculously thick glasses. Ned Ryerson was probably in his thirties and still living in his parents' basement but that didn't mean he was easily impressed; he looked me up and down in a manner that said he clearly wasn't.

"I'm Bella Swan," I told him.

"We covered that," he muttered. "Can we just move this along so I can get out of here?"

I watched Esme's fists ball at her sides and I got a boost of inspiration bravery.

"You're not an asshole, are you?" I asked.

He adjusted his glasses. "Excuse me?"

"If you're an asshole, you can leave. I've invited you to my family's home the day after Thanksgiving to show you something that I'm damn sure you've never seen before so be courteous." I showed him my fist. Someone behind me snickered a little.

Ned's features screwed up into confusion as he stared at my fist. "Are you threatening me?"

I raised my eyebrows. "That depends upon if you're an asshole or not."

"Can…can we just do this?" I cleared my throat at his plea and raised an eyebrow. "Please? Please, can we do this?"

With a deep breath, I nodded.

As the nerd from JWEF sat on Esme's couch, I repeated the same show that I had done for Esme and Carlisle. It was unnerving, doing these things in front of a stranger as part of a show. I felt vulnerable. But Edward's hand in mine gave me strength and focus. Thinking of the look on Elizabeth's face when Edward pulled her into a hug on Thanksgiving Day gave me determination.

He tried several things to disprove my ability. As each of his attempts failed, the look of bewilderment on his face grew. He instructed me to do several things, just as Carlisle had and I apparently passed because Ned had started to sweat.

"You'll have to fly to Boston to meet with Mr. Walsh," he stated.

"So, I guess I'm the first to pass," I said.

Edward wrapped his arm around my shoulders and squeezed.

Ned wiped his brow with the sleeve of his jacket. "So, it seems; we'll e-mail you about meeting James. Just to warn you, he's not very flexible so you'll have to make time for him."

"Nice to meet you, Ned," Carlisle said.

Ned turned before leaving and nodded to us. He gave me one last meaningful glance before walking out the door. What the meaning was, I wasn't sure.

* * *

**A/N: If you are kind enough to leave a review, let me know if you think Bella and Edward should go through with it. I'm just curious. I adore any and all feedback from my readers. I appreciate it and it puts a huge smile on my face when I read my reviews. Let me just tell you how amazing it feels to smile. :-)**


	34. Chapter 34 Family

**A/N: Thank you for reading and I appreciate the readers who took time out to review. I heart you. :-)**

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all characters.**

**Chapter song: "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" by John Denver and The Muppets. :-)**

* * *

I had never been a fan of Christmas. Even after I moved out of Charlie's house and in with Alice, I'd never hung decorations or made homemade eggnog. If it weren't for Alice, I probably wouldn't even put up a tree. Illuminated Santa's waving to no one in particular made me cringe and the constant joyous Christmas music grated on my nerves. I couldn't even go out for a coffee without hearing about how bright Rudolph's nose was; a trip to the grocery store meant an exit jam-packed with guilt over my lack of change for the little red buckets accompanied by bell-ringing Santa's. Plus, I was a little perturbed that the bell-ringers didn't even dress up like Santa anymore.

But this year was different—this year, I felt like I had a family. It wasn't that Alice wasn't my family, but she had her own life on Christmas, including a Mom that loved her and wanted to see her for the holiday. So, typically, I'd sit at home on December 25th and watch movies on my couch with Ben and his good friend, Jerry. Little did I know that I had a Dad that was sitting at home doing the same damn thing-and he was hoping I'd call.

It was amazing what could happen in a year. I fell in love, learned the truth about my estranged Mother and gained a sister. Last but certainly not least-I found my way home. I gained a father that I had never lost. It hurt to know that I was going to spend another Christmas away from him.

With hopefulness, I damn-near begged him to come with me to Chicago to spend the holidays.

"I'll be fine," he mumbled into the phone. "You should spend Christmas with Edward. I'm only a few hours from Seattle so you can visit me anytime."

I pouted even though he couldn't see it. "What are you going to do?"

"Mary will probably force me to eat ham and watch football all day."

"Oh, that sounds horrible!" I said, sarcastically. "How do you live with that woman?"

He grunted. "She doesn't make it easy."

"Dad, I really wanted to spend Christmas with you. Are you sure you can't—"

"Bella, we have all kinds of time to celebrate. You've already bought your plane ticket and you already have plans to go to Chicago." He hesitated and cleared his throat. "Just promise to call me."

I bit my lip and my eyes filled with tears. "I promise."

After I'd hung up the phone, I made a silent vow to myself to never let Charlie's presence in my life escape my grasp. I couldn't believe it but I was already looking forward to the next year, when I'd make sure to celebrate Christmas with my Dad.

A wave of guilt washed through me when I thought about the secret I was keeping from him. I still hadn't told him about The JWEF and the half-million dollar challenge. There was no doubt in my mind that he would be against it, since in his day, he didn't get anything he didn't earn. In my mind, I _had_ earned it. Living the first twenty four years of my life as a nervous wreck had earned me this paycheck. Now, came the difficult part of retrieving it.

Two weeks had passed since I had met Ned Ryerson and I still hadn't gotten an e-mail from The JWEF. I was starting to think that they thought I had been faking it. I was pondering that thought as I walked in from the cold rain that had been pouring over Seattle for the past week. It stung my skin as if tiny little needles were being thrown from the sky. As I set down my bags and flung off my coat, my cell phone rang. I smiled at the sound of Edward's ring tone blasting from the tiny little speakers.

_There ain't nothing wrong with a little bump and grind…_

"Hey, Sugar Buns," I answered.

We had been testing out pet names for each other the past couple of weeks. It had started out with sweet names like "sweetheart", "babe", and "honey" but it had morphed into a demented game of trying to find the most horrid. He deserved the "Sugar Buns" after last night when he bid me goodnight with "Sleep well, Cuddle Cakes."

"Good evening, Mookie-Pookie Bear," he cooed.

"Ugh…that was just mean," I replied.

He laughed and it was like music. "Sugar Buns wasn't all that fantastic, you know."

"Mookie-Pookie Bear has to be the worst so far," I told him. "Is that what you do all day at work? Sit around and think of horrifying nicknames?"

"Mmm…no, most of the time I'm thinking about what I want to do to you on Christmas Eve when you're lying in my bed wearing nothing but a bow," he said, huskily. "How many days until you get here?"

I paused for a moment, thinking about the whole lying-naked-bow-thing.

"Uh…fifteen days," I answered.

He sighed. "That's so many days."

"It's not that many," I said. "We can always break out the webcam and I can show you one of your Christmas presents early."

"That's a fantastic idea, Pickle Pie," he told me. "Let me get my web cam set up."

"You just ruined it. I'm not in the mood anymore."

"Why? What's wrong, Shmoopsie Poo?" The grin in his tone was obvious, even over the phone. "Was it something I said?"

"Oh, nothing at all, my Cuddly-Wuddly," I retorted.

"Love Muffin."

"Kissy Face."

"Huggalump."

That last one threw me off since was so self conscious about my curvy rear and I hesitated.

"Do I win?"

I sighed. "This is ridiculous; what are we, twelve?"

He laughed but sobered quickly. "Actually, the main reason I called was that I have some news."

"What is it?"

"Someone put an offer in on the house," he said.

My mouth fell open but nothing came out. It felt like someone had just punched me in the chest.

"My mom is going to accept it but she doesn't want me to be there when they sign the papers. She's asked Carlisle to help her read through everything."

"I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

He cleared his throat. "Yeah, I'm fine…it's fine. This is good."

"This can't be easy for you, Edward. That house is the home you grew up in," I said. "Are you sure that they can't hold off until…"

"No, I don't want to do that. If…if this whole thing doesn't pan out with the money, I don't want to lose the buyer. It's better this way."

"How is it better this way? If we just wait—"

"Bella!" he interrupted. "Just…please, it's better this way. I just want it to be over and done with so that we can move on with our lives. I have too much to look forward to; I refuse to be stuck in the past."

"Okay," I said, weakly.

After a long pause, he said, "Beautiful Girl."

I smiled and responded, "Edward."

The day I arrived in Chicago and two days before Christmas, I received an e-mail from James Walsh, himself. I sat up straighter and gasped as I read it. Edward was sitting on the couch beside me and watching _Baby New Year_.

"What is it?" Edward asked, noticing my reaction. "Did you hear from them?'

"Uh…yeah, it's from James Walsh," I replied with a dry, croaky voice.

He straightened as I pushed my laptop over for him to read. I chewed on the frail nail of my thumb as his eyes shifted over the illuminated words on the screen. His hair needed cut-it fell into his eyes as he bent his head toward the computer screen. I studied the bridge of his nose, the strong cut of his jaw and the way the tip of his tongue wet his lips as he concentrated on the words. This man, this beautiful and extraordinary man, loved me and suddenly I didn't know why I was doing this. His house was signed off and sold to a stranger; the money from the sale going toward Elizabeth's care.

I looked around the living room at Esme's decorations and handmade quilts that draped over the furniture. A house of our own would be nice; something to put my own touch on and watch change over the years. We wouldn't have to worry about the cost of the wedding and I wouldn't have to rush to find a job right away. I could buy out my contract and move as soon as the money was deposited into my account. The money, in itself, would definitely make our lives easier but was it worth it? Probably. Maybe. Hopefully.

"They want to meet next week in Boston," he said, like I hadn't already read it. I nodded and continued tearing apart the nail with my teeth. "You're off work next week, right?"

I nodded again as anxiety crept up my spine. He shot me a perplexed smile and I watched his dark brows pull together over his jade eyes.

"This is good," he said. "You can just stay here and we'll fly out together from Chicago."

"Maybe, this isn't such a good idea," I admitted. "Maybe, we should just forget it."

"What's with you? I thought this is what you wanted," he said. "I'm with you, Bella."

"I know you are and it means a lot to me but…" I trailed off and snagged my bottom lip with my teeth.

"But what? Talk to me."

"I don't know—when I read that e-mail, I just…I'm not…what if I make an idiot out of myself? What if I get there and these people make me feel like some sort of circus side-show freak?" I pulled my legs up and wrapped my arms around my knees. "What if this ruins our lives? I'm finally happy and I don't want to fuck that up."

Edward let his head fall back against the couch and he closed his eyes. "That's what I've been trying to tell you, Bella. This _is _going to change your life; there's no doubt about that."

"It could make it better," I suggested.

He cocked his head and shrugged. "It could definitely make it better."

"You're not helping," I told him.

A slow smile crept slowly over his mouth and it reminded me of butter melting on a hot stove. "As much as this is about us and our life together, this is more about you, sweetheart." He set the laptop on the table in front of him and turned sideways on the couch to face me. "You've told me about what you've went through in your life but you're the only one who has experienced it. You were robbed of a childhood, a mother, a normal relationship with your dad because of this gift…ability…whatever it is. This is about you and getting something in return for your suffering. I can't tell you what to do because I can't make that decision for you. I'll give you advice and if I think this thing is going to be destructive, I will damn sure tell you how I feel about it. But I can't make that decision; that's your call."

I moved toward him on the couch and ran my fingers through his hair. "I don't think that I've suffered, Edward. I've been surviving—just like you."

He grabbed my hand and kissed my palm before maneuvering us on the couch so that I was sitting between his legs. My back was pressed against his firm, warm chest and I felt cocooned by him; the safest I'd felt in a very long time.

"Can I ask you something?" I said.

"Of course," he replied.

"Would _you_ do it?"

His fingertips slid down my bare forearm like a soft breath of air. I shivered from the contact and he pulled me closer to him.

"I'd need to know the facts and see the contract," he said.

"And if everything was legit and you were happy with it?"

He sighed into my hair. "I don't know, Bella."

We sat in silence for a few minutes, just enjoying the feel of our bodies pressed together. Before I'd gotten that e-mail, I'd been so content to just be in his presence. Now, my brain was rattled and my body was tight with anxiety.

"You wouldn't do it, would you?" I said, shattering the quietness of thought processes and mental questions.

"No, I probably wouldn't."

I had known that all along but it meant something to hear him say it. My lips met his chin with a soft kiss and he smiled down at me softly.

"I've always wanted to see Boston," he said. "We should go and see what they have to say."

It was funny: I knew all along he was going to say that, too.

The next day was Christmas Eve and I hadn't been this excited since I was six. When I was six, I had asked Renee for an Easy Bake Oven. A week before Christmas, I had snuck in her room, found the big, wrapped box and tore off a little piece of red, shiny paper. After I'd peeked inside and saw the coveted Easy Bake Oven, I'd felt like my world was finally complete. As I walked through Grant Park with my gloved hand buried deep in the crook of Edward's arm, I was ten times giddier.

The breeze coming off of Lake Michigan stung my cheeks and the few inches of snow that covered the ground crunched beneath our boots. Chicago was a beautiful city: The tall skyscrapers and festive lights twinkling in office buildings across the skyline. I could be happy here or I could be happy in Seattle. It didn't matter at this point; as long as I could stay in contact with the people I loved. If only Star Trek had made good on its promise to make teleportation a reality.

"When do we do presents?" I asked, doing a little hop beside him.

"Tomorrow, silly girl," he said, smirking. "Haven't you ever celebrated Christmas before?"

"Oh, come on, Honey Pants," I said, smirking back, "let's do it tonight."

Thanks to Esme, I was super excited about Edward's gift. The week after Thanksgiving, I called her up for a favor. I figured it would help clear the air after the big reveal that had sort of freaked her out. Perhaps, if I talked to her over the phone where I couldn't drop turkeys on her, she'd realize that it was the same Bella that she had known all along.

When I talked to her over the phone, she seemed like the same Esme. She didn't mention the flying turkey and there was no way in hell I was bringing it up. So, I asked her to scout out the music stores in Chicago to find Edward's Christmas present. A few days later, she e-mailed me a picture of a vintage electric guitar that she had found in the city.

I had asked Esme the night before if I could see the guitar, in person, which I had bought as a Christmas present for Edward. I was relieved to see that my Esme didn't disappear as the distance between us shortened. A part of me wanted to talk to her about it, hear what her thoughts were but a larger part of me didn't want to mix things up again. Esme was more than a mother-figure for me; she was becoming a dear friend.

Edward quirked an eyebrow and gave me a warning glare. "Don't start with the nicknames because I'll win…Blossom Butt."

My mouth fell open a little and I disappointedly gaped at him. "You always have to go for my weakness, don't you?"

His brows furrowed. "Your weakness? Your behind is your weakness?"

Defensively, I tried to tug the back of my jacket down over my rear; it fell short by at least three inches.

In a sudden movement, he sprung toward me, snaked his hands around my waist and grabbed a hand full of blossom butt in each hand. A growl came from deep in his chest as he pressed me against him, his fingers digging into the sensitive flesh of my backside.

"Your ass is delicious," he said.

I pushed him away from me and with a surprised look on his face, he stumbled back a few feet.

"Well, you're about to get a good view of it!"

I took off running, my boots sliding on the heavy snow that covered the sidewalks. My insides shivered as I heard the stomping of boots behind me, and the heavy pants of my pursuer. I almost wanted him to catch me. No, scratch that—I _mostly_ wanted him to catch me.

Two strong arms wrapped around my waist and I yelped as our legs tangled and we fell to the snow in a clumsy heap. Our chests heaved as our lungs gasped for cold oxygen and my feet felt like concrete.

"You're going to pay for that," he said between breaths.

I giggled. "Oh yeah? What about this?"

I plopped a hand full of snow on his beanie covered head and shock took over his expression.

"You are _so _going to pay," he growled.

On the way home, Edward drove by his old house. They still had some stuff that they had to clean out before they had to hand over the keys to the new owners. Carlisle had said that the people who bought the house hadn't mentioned a specific date but Edward thought they were bound to get antsy if it took too long. His face was somber as his eyes shifted over the property, however he joked about the kinds of things he'd probably find in the basement of his old childhood home. According to him, his Mom was a stickler about keeping all of Edward's old school projects and even some of his clothes.

When we got back to The Cullen's, Carlisle and Esme had gone out, so we stripped down to our underwear at the front door to keep the carpet free of melted snow. After a warm shower together, we made love in Edward's bed and fell asleep to the soothing voice of John Denver.

The next morning, I awoke to someone whispering my name. As I struggled to stay asleep, the voice grew louder and louder until it was slightly agitated. Then, it morphed into something much more sadistic.

"Christmas cookie," the voice sang.

One of my eyes popped open.

"That's a horrible nickname," I said, my voice frog-like from sleep.

"Who said it was a nickname?" Edward teased. "Maybe…just maybe…I have a platter of Christmas cookies waiting to be eaten by a beautiful, amazing girl with a delicious ass."

"Christmas cookies for breakfast?" Both of my eyes popped open at the prospect of eating cookies at 9am.

He kissed me and I tasted the sugar on his lips. I moaned.

"Merry Christmas, Bella," he said, softly. "This is the first of many breakfasts in bed."

"Actually, it's the second," I told him.

His smile grew and he breathed out, "Wyoming—I forgot."

"Merry Christmas to you, Edward," I said, then gave him another quick peck on the lips. "Now, where's my cookies?"

With my belly full of sugar cookies and milk, I was rushed down the stairs by an excited Edward. He didn't even give me time to change out of my black sweatpants and blue t-shirt I had slept in. Him, on the other hand, had showered, dressed and even shaved before I was awake.

I walked into the living room to see his laptop sitting on the coffee table in front of the couch. It was open and turned on as if he'd already been on it.

"What time did you get up?" I asked.

He grinned and his eyes twinkled. "This is present number one."

"You're giving me your laptop?"

Impatiently, he rolled his eyes and guided me by the arm to the couch. I sat down in front of the laptop and stared at the screen. When nothing happened, I blinked at him.

He pointed to the screen. "Just wait…watch."

So I did. And for three minutes, nothing happened except for Edward compulsively checking his watch and rubbing his palms together as if he were preparing to pull a rabbit out of his pants. Then I heard it and saw it at the same time.

"Bella? Can you see me?"

My eyes filled up with tears as I shifted my gaze to Edward. He grabbed my hand and pointed to the screen. "She can see you so talk to her."

"Uh…yeah, Bree, I can see you," I told her in a shaky voice. "Can you see me?"

She smiled and her face filled up the screen. "Yeah, you look…sad."

I shook my head, frantically. "No, no, I'm just…surprised and happy to see you! You look amazing!"

It was the truth. She still looked frail and her skin was still a sickly pale but her cheeks weren't hollow and the smile on her face was genuine. There was a scattering of dark hair on her head; she was a brunette, like me.

"I don't know if I'd use the word 'amazing' but I feel okay. I'm still pretty weak but I feel much better than I did a few months ago. I'm happy to be home now even though I can't really go anywhere." She rolled her eyes at her own situation and I giggled at her. "My mom has an air purifier in every room and she won't let my friends visit—even for a little while. She won't even let them bring me any homework."

"You're complaining about that?"

She laughed and I wanted to record it so I could play it anytime that I felt like my life was getting tough. What this girl had went through and she could still find a reason to smile. She was amazing.

"I talked to Edward last night," she said in that high pitched squeaky voice that teenage girls use when they talk about the opposite sex.

"He's right here beside me," I warned so she wouldn't say anything to embarrass herself. "This was a surprise; I had no idea that I'd be talking to you this morning."

She giggled. "Hi Edward!"

He moved his face in front of the camera and grinned. "Hi, Bree! Merry Christmas!"

Good God, I had forgotten it was Christmas; I had been so wrapped up in seeing Bree's face over the web.

"Merry Christmas," she answered.

He moved back over and asked me with a finger to the door if he should leave us alone. I shook my head because I wanted to share this with him.

"He's really hot," Bree said, giggling.

Edward rolled his eyes and his face turned red.

"He's still sitting here, Bree," I told her. "And yes, he is pretty hot."

Bree told me about how bored she was as she recovered at home and about the journal set that her parents had gotten her for Christmas. She had told me in previous conversations that she loved to read and write. I had also learned that she had never read Harry Potter so I had sent her the entire series a few weeks ago for Christmas. She had e-mailed me a few days ago to let me know that she had gotten them and she was excited to dive into them.

"What book are you on?" I asked.

Her eyes widened and she bit her lip.

"Prisoner of Azkaban," she answered, quietly.

I gasped through a laugh. "You only got them three days ago! How are you already on the third book?"

Her expression grew defensive. "I'm stuck in here all day with nothing to do…plus, they're really good! My mom sprayed them all down with Lysol three times before she let me have them."

"I'm glad that you like them," I told her.

We sat and talked for forty-five minutes about her favorite books, my lack of wedding plans, and I told her about how much I was missing my Dad for Christmas. There was talk of future visits, when she was allowed, and plans for her to travel to Chicago for the wedding.

"Are you going to wear one of those poofy dresses that make you look like a princess?" Her eyes were wide and crazy whenever she asked about my wedding. I could tell that wasn't something we had in common: She was one of those girls who had every detail of her wedding planned before she even met her future-husband where I had zero motivation to plan out my nuptials. All I wanted was to be Edward's wife; how I got there, I didn't give a shit. How romantic.

"I hope not," I told her.

Edward chuckled from beside me and I squeezed his knee in his ticklish spot. His body jerked and he pushed my hand off his leg.

Meanwhile, Bree was whining because poofy dresses were so pretty and she thought I would look so good in one.

"You're going to be able to come up, right?" I asked. "It will probably be in the Fall or next Spring."

"I hope so," she said. "Ooh! You have to have roses in your bouquet! Dark red ones mixed with white ones! That would be so pretty!"

"I think I might hire you to plan this thing," I laughed.

It was awesome to hear her talking about the future and it brought unexpected tears to my eyes as I listened to her excitement. During her rant on the importance of different flavors of wedding cake—which she had read in a copy of _Bride Magazine—_her Mom interrupted, saying it was time for her medication.

"Merry Christmas, Bree," I said, before disconnecting the connection.

She smiled and looked right into the camera. "Merry Christmas, Bells."

After her image was gone, I sighed and smiled through the tears that were dripping down my cheeks. Edward's hand snaked around my shoulders and he pulled me close to him. I was afraid to look at him—afraid that I would sob like a child at the overwhelming gift that he had given me.

"Merry Christmas, Baby," he whispered in my ear.

I choked out a sob. Quickly, I turned my body toward him and climbed into his lap. With my face buried in his neck, I thanked him over and over and over. I don't even know if he knew why I was crying but he held me tight to his body and rocked me, soothed me until I stopped.

"Are you okay?"

I cleared my throat and pulled my face off the skin of his neck which had grown sticky with tears. "Yeah, I'm fine…that was just so incredibly sweet of you. It was so good to see her and it's always so awkward to call down there to see if I can talk to her. I take it you talked to Renee?"

"Yeah, I stole her number out of your phone," he replied. "It took me ages to find it, since it was under the name 'super bitch'."

I laughed. "Well, I couldn't very well add her in under her own name; that would almost mean that I'm friends with the woman. It just didn't feel right."

"Bree seems to be feeling pretty good," he said. "I'm glad that this worked out."

"This was the best present ever," I said.

The smile that grew on his face was wickedly mischievous. "That's only one of your gifts."

My mouth fell open. "How many do I have?"

Edward looked at his watch. "You'll get your second gift in about an hour—right after breakfast."

"We already ate breakfast," I reminded him.

"You didn't get your coffee."

I scrunched up my face. "How could I have forgotten about coffee?"

"I don't know but it's a little scary," he answered.

As I sat on a stool at the kitchen island, sipping on a hot cup of delicious coffee, Esme wandered in. She was still dressed in a thick blue robe and her hair stuck up on one side of her head as if she had just gotten up.

"Merry Christmas, Bella," she said, sleepily and then her eyes lit up. "Is that coffee?"

"Yes, oh yes," I replied. "Merry Christmas to you, too."

She padded over to the coffee pot, her house slippers scoffing the tile floor as she walked. After she had poured herself a cup, she sat down beside me at the table. Her eyes closed with satisfaction as she swallowed her first sip.

"Is Carlisle back yet?" she asked, looking around as if he would materialize out of a corner of the room.

I shook my head and furrowed my brows. "I didn't know Carlisle had left."

Momentarily, a wave of oops crossed over her features but she quickly recovered. "Where's Edward?"

"He went upstairs to call his Mom," I answered.

She nodded and took another sip.

We sat beside each other; the only noise between us was the occasional slurp of coffee. It wasn't an awkward moment but it still wasn't right. There was something there that hadn't been there before the big reveal that had happened over Thanksgiving.

"Can I ask you something?" Esme nodded and looked over at me. "Do you see me as…different since I showed you what I can do?"

I was hopeful that she would laugh at my question but instead, she frowned down at her hands. My heart sank a little as I mentally regretted bringing the whole thing up.

"I'm scared, Bella," she replied.

My eyes widened and I stuttered, "I'd never…I could never hurt you, Esme!"

She shook her head and put her hand on my arm. "When Lizzie started showing symptoms of her disease, it was scary for all of us, Bella. As Edward grew up with a sick Mom, he struggled with separating her illness from the person she was—the mother that she was. My nephew grew up way too fast and when his dad passed away, that added so much stress to his life.

"When I first met you, I was ecstatic that Edward had found someone to take him away from that. Sure, he'd still take care of his mom but you would be that part of his life that kept him grounded. When I saw what you could do, I was more than shocked but when you told me about this Science group…" she trailed off and sighed. "I'm worried. You are perfect for Edward, don't get me wrong, but he has been through so much. I hope you don't take this the wrong way but I'm afraid that this will just be something else that Edward has to survive."

I took a deep breath and tried to ignore the pain in my chest. Esme was someone I trusted and had grown to love so I listened to her carefully. I understood why she was worried.

"It's not just Edward that I'm afraid for, Bella."

She grabbed my hand and squeezed it. I blinked away tears and took a deep breath into my lungs.

"Do you remember when I told you that my Mom left when I was eight?" I asked and she nodded. I proceeded to tell her about my childhood, my motives for wanting to find some sort of reasoning for this thing that has cursed me my entire life. "This isn't entirely about the money for me, Esme. This is about getting something good out of something that has been so awful for me. Finding an actual use for this thing, and doing something productive with it, would be remarkable."

"I get that, Bella, but this won't necessarily be something good," she said.

I nodded. "I know and it's not something I'm taking lightly."

"Good," she replied, "but no matter what happens, we're here for you."

I turned my body and wrapped my arms around her shoulders in a tight hug. "Thank you," I said.

As she released me from the hug, the sound of the front door opening caused Esme to stand from her stool. She looked at me with a huge smile on her face as if she expected me to do something.

"That's Carlisle," she said, then stood there watching me. When all I responded with was raised eyebrows, she added, "You should go see him."

I narrowed my eyes and put my mug on the counter. "What did you guys do?"

Her smile grew and she said, "It's Edward's second present."

Still in my pajamas, I walked cautiously down the hallway and toward the front door. Voices bounced off the plaster walls and echoed toward me. Recognition of Carlisle's voice, then Edward's, then…

I walked faster until I was standing in front of all three men, two of which were wearing thick winter jackets.

"Dad!"

Charlie snapped his head toward me and grinned. "Merry Christmas, Bells!"

Without thinking about Carlisle's presence or awkwardness or our lack of affection in our past, I rushed at him and wrapped my arms around his chest. My heart warmed as his arms pulled me toward him, returning the hug.

"I thought I'd take you up on your offer," he told me.

I pulled away and looked up at him. "How long have you planned on coming?"

He glanced at Edward and Carlisle then back to me. "Oh, a couple of weeks but it was Edward who planned the whole thing. Carlisle came to pick me up at O'Hare this morning—those people at that airport are friggin' nuts!"

With a laugh, I couldn't help hugging him again. "Merry Christmas, Dad."

"Uh…follow me, Charlie, I'll show you up to your room," Carlisle said from behind me.

My dad followed Carlisle up the stairs, and I rushed at Edward. I kissed his cheeks, his nose, his forehead, and finally his lips. He chuckled against my lips and put his hands on my hips to hold me to him.

"I can't believe you planned this!" I exclaimed after breaking the kiss, only to reach up and kiss him once more.

"I know you wanted your Dad here with you on Christmas and I figured it would give him a chance to get to know my family. Do you think he'd be up to going over when we see my Mom?"

I nodded and said, "I think he wants to meet her."

After my Dad had gotten settled in, we sat down in the living room to open up gifts. Esme loved the sewing book I'd gotten her, Carlisle seemed to like the classical CD's that Edward had recommended but I hadn't expected the reaction I'd gotten from Edward. It was only a guitar, after all.

"Shit, Bella, this is…this is beautiful," he said as he ran a hand over the shiny red and black surface of the guitar.

"I know you said you wanted to learn how to play electric so…" I trailed off, embarrassed by the look he was giving me: His mouth open and his eyes twinkling.

"It's a Guild from…the sixties. This is amazing," he said.

"Not as amazing as the gifts you gave me." I leaned over and brushed my lips over his cheek but all his attention at the moment was on the instrument in his hands. "Thank you, Edward."

Finally, he looked at me and his smile made my heart swell. "You have one more and this one you can open…kind of."

Before I could protest, he pulled an envelope out of his back pocket and handed it to me. Unable to hide my excitement, I tore open the envelope and pulled out a folded piece of paper. With everyone's eyes on me, I unfolded it and laughed when I'd read it. It was a certificate for skydiving.

"That's your number four-on your bucket list," I said, smiling. "You expect me to jump out of a plane with you?"

If he was shocked that I remembered the bucket list, his expression didn't reveal it.

"I want you to do everything with me," he told me.

"Sky diving?" Charlie piped in. "Isn't that dangerous?"

Three hours later, we piled into Carlisle's SUV and headed toward the nursing home. I tried hard not to gawk at Edward the entire drive and pay attention to what my Dad was saying about the Seattle Seahawks but I found it difficult. Carlisle tried to keep pace with the football talk with "uh huh's" and "oh boy's" but, being a non-sports fan himself, I could tell he was as lost as I was.

We walked down the halls of rehab hospital, and found Elizabeth sitting in the dining room, waiting for our arrival. She hugged Edward fiercely and surprised me with a gentle brief embrace. I introduced her to Charlie, and noticed the odd smirk on her face as she shook his hand but played it off as Christmas spirit.

Thankfully, there was no flying corn or other catastrophes during the dinner. I had noticed Carlisle's reluctance to sitting across from me but he had sat down anyway, like a trooper. After our plates had been cleared by Esme, Charlie cleared his throat and pulled a thick envelope out of his coat that had been draped across the back of his chair.

"Uh…this is for you and Edward, Bella."

I shot him a curious look as I took the envelope from him. "Are you sending me skydiving, too?"

He glared at Edward as he mumbled out a "hell no."

I sighed, feeling incredibly lucky to be surrounded by most of the people I loved for the holiday. My missing family—the six people who I had thought about at least once that day—were somewhere else enjoying their Christmas: Alice had taken Jasper to spend Christmas with Mary who had made a huge dinner at the house I had grown up in, Rosalie and Emmett had finally sold their house in Miami and had settled down in a much smaller home in the same area, and Bree was in Jacksonville, celebrating with her parents. Briefly, I wondered what it would be like to all sit at the same table together as one marvelously dysfunctional unit. I smiled at the thought and tore into the envelope that my Dad had handed me.

I unfolded the bundle of papers and my eyes bugged out of my skull. "It's…a deed?"

Edward cut his eyes to me. "It's a what?"

Stunned, I looked at Charlie, whose moustache was twitching and his eyes were dancing. "It's a deed to a house…you bought us a house?"

"Uh…it's sort of a…uh…Mary and I used the money she got from her house to buy it," he stuttered.

I looked closer as Edward peeked over my shoulder in an attempt to read the details. When I caught sight of the address, I glanced up at him and said, "It's here in Chicago—this I too much, Dad."

"Let me see that," Edward said and grabbed the papers from my hand.

He read over them quickly, his pupils shifting furiously over the words on the paper. His face lost color as he dropped his arms to his side, the deed still in his grasp of his hand.

"I can't believe you did this," he muttered and then looked at his Mom, his eyes glassy. "Mom, did you…how did you…"

Lizzie shrugged and pointed to my Dad. "It was all Charlie and Mary."

"What is it?" I asked.

Edward put his fist to his mouth and took a deep breath as a tear ran down his cheek.

"Bella, this is my house…the house I grew up in—Charlie bought my house."

I snapped my eyes to my Dad, who was absentmindedly tearing his napkin to pieces on the table with his fingers. He shrugged when I questioned him with my eyes as if what he was doing was equal to taking out the trash or changing the oil in my car.

"I wanted you two to have someplace to live when you got married and when you told me about the situation a couple months ago, I talked to Mary about it. We agreed that we could pay for a certain amount and then when you guys got on your feet—after you get married—you can pay us back. We aren't in any rush so don't worry about paying us anytime soon," he said then added, "I want a place to stay when I visit you guys and maybe, someday I'll have grandkids to visit."

Ludicrously, I wondered if he'd hold me to that grandkids thing since Edward and I had decided that kids weren't in our future.

"This is…I don't know what to say?" Edward mumbled and walked around the table to my Dad. "Thank you, Charlie."

My Dad stood up and held out his hand for Edward to shake but my man was having none of that. He pulled my Dad into a hug, his hand still clutching onto the deed to his house. Our house.

* * *

**A/N: Next Chapter is the last chapter and then we have 2 parts to the epilogue. The first part of the Epilogue will be posted shortly after the last chapter but part 2 is only available through the 4LLS charity. Link on my profile. :) **

**Thank you for reading and I appreciate all my reviews. They truly make me write faster. Just sayin'. :-)**


	35. Chapter 35 To Hell And Back

**A/N: Sorry I'm so late. Had to finish my Epilogue Part II for the 4LLS Fandom. It's in EPOV. :-) Thank you for all your reviews and for reading. I really do appreciate it. This is my last chapter, guys and then I have the Epilogue Part I in BPOV.**

**Thank you to my Biffle for your help on this one. It would have been disasterous without you.**

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all characters.**

**Chapter song: "In My Place" by Coldplay**

* * *

My Dad was set to leave a couple days after Christmas and I felt like the two days I spent with him were invaluable. It was as if we were getting to know each other for the first time and it felt tremendously good to see him so different than I had growing up. As a young girl, I avoided him and we had one word conversations with each other. It broke my heart to think that both of us had wanted so much more but neither of us possessed the emotional maturity to figure out how to make it work.

I was done looking back, though; there would be no more what-if's for me, even when it came to Renee. There was no fondness in my heart for her. If she would have handled herself differently when we reunited or even just been a better person, there may have been a chance for us to grow. I got the feeling that she really didn't want to and that was fine with me. My main concern was Bree and it seemed that she gave two-cents for the girl. Hell, I think she even loved her. But if I got wind of Renee treating Bree with anything except for motherly love, I'd fly my ass to Jacksonville and use my ability to throw some shit at her head. It would be a good opportunity for wedgie number two.

"You ready?"

I looked at my Dad and he grinned in response. "I just hope we don't get lost because I have no idea where I'm going in Chicago."

He shrugged and simply said, "Edward said he has GPS."

My eyebrows rose to my hairline. "And you know how to work it?"

With a scoff and a wave of his hand, he said, "Bella, I'm not a hundred years old, for God's sake."

I shot him an incredulous look.

He pressed his lips together before answering, "You know how to work it, don't you?"

"I'm sure I can figure it out," I told him. "Let's hit the road."

We climbed into Edward's SUV and headed toward the city. The heart of Chicago was terrifying, especially to drive in while there was snow on the ground. As I slid around a corner, almost taking out a garbage can, I wished I had asked Charlie to drive. He was a nervous wreck, sitting in the passenger seat and holding his hands out in front of him every time I braked, bracing himself for what, I wasn't sure.

"You want me to drive after we eat?" he asked, staring at the white knuckles of my hands which were holding onto the steering wheel for dear life. I swear to God that I had pulled a few muscles in my arms and my stomach.

"Uh huh," I mumbled. "Edward said that he's picking me up at the airport around the time your plane leaves."

The wheels of the SUV skidded around a turn and I whimpered a little.

"You want me to drive _now_?" His voice cracked but he remained incredibly calm considering the fact that his life was probably flashing before his eyes. "You could pull over and we could switch places."

"I'm a little afraid to stop," I squeaked. "I think we're close. What does the GPS say?"

He squinted at the device that was attached to the windshield. "It says that we're twenty six miles away and headed in the wrong the direction."

"Baloney!" I exclaimed, hoping that it was, in fact, baloney. It had taken both of us to set the damn thing and I was praying, for the sake of the tendons in my forearms, that we had done it wrong. Admitting that the incorrect direction the thing was spewing out was my fault would have been a hit to my pride; especially, since I practically scoffed at the simplicity of setting the thing. "That thing doesn't know what it's talking about."

I could hear him chuckling beside me and I frowned.

"What?"

"It couldn't be the operator of the GPS, could it? It must be the actual device," he teased.

"Of course," I said, grinning.

_Fucking technology._

Fifteen minutes later, we found the restaurant that Carlisle had told us about. It was a little Mom and Pop Italian place called Ramano's and it was located in the heart of Chicago. We stomped through the snow, and the wave of heat and delicious smells that assaulted us when we walked through the door was heavenly. Amazing. Devine.

I pulled the toboggan off my head and felt my hair react to the static electricity of the wool hat. With my palm, I tried my best to smooth it down but I still earned a moustache twitch from Charlie.

As we plopped down in a booth, a plump middle-aged Italian woman wandered over and greeted us. She smiled appreciatively at Charlie, giving him a good up and down with her dark eyes. I grimaced at the thoughts that were probably circling around in her head; thoughts about my father. We both ordered Cokes and she walked away, a little swing in her hips as she headed toward the kitchen.

"Dad, that lady was checking you out," I hissed.

He choked out a laugh. "She was not," he grumbled, but his face turned a slight shade of pink.

"Yes, she was," I argued.

He changed the subject as his face reddened even further. "So, what's good here?"

I raised my brows and answered him with silence.

He looked up at me and cleared his throat. "Oh, that's right-you've never been here, right?"

"Right," I laughed.

The waitress came back quickly with our drinks and winked at my Dad after he told her that we needed a few more minutes. She introduced herself as Veronica and then she went at it with the hips again toward the rear of the building.

Charlie took a long sip of soda and he let his gaze shift over the menu.

"Ten bucks says she gives you her number," I said with a grin.

He ran a palm over his face, exasperated. "Bella, that woman is just being friendly."

"Then it should be an easy ten bucks for you," I countered.

With narrowed eyes, he agreed to the bet.

After we'd ordered our food and Veronica fluttered her fake eyelashes at Charlie a few moments, I got down to business. It was the main reason I'd asked him out for lunch before he left for Seattle.

"So, I'm going to Boston next week," I mumbled.

He furrowed his thick graying brows. "Boston? It's a hell of a time of year to go to Boston, Bells."

"It's kind of a business trip."

"I've never heard of a trip like that for a first grade teacher," he questioned. "What's this all about?"

I chewed on my lip as he watched me, his eyes sifting through the expressions that crossed over my face. Not only had I felt bad not telling him but I genuinely wanted his opinion on the whole thing. I was afraid if I brought it up at the house that he wouldn't feel comfortable enough to tell me how he really felt. Now, it was just me and him, and I was anxious to see what he had to say about it.

"There's this Science Organization…"

As I told him about the challenge and the money, his expression remained neutral which made me nervous. It was his cop face-the one that made speeders stutter and criminals shake in their boots. I found myself rambling, telling him more than I had intended simply because he just stared at me when I'd pause for his reaction. Finally, I was out of words and I watched him take a deep breath in through his nostrils then right back out.

"So?" I asked.

He raised his eyebrows and opened his mouth to answer but Veronica and her impeccable timing interrupted.

"How is everything?" she asked.

We had only gotten our Cokes, so far.

"Uh…it's great," I said.

She didn't seem to hear me as she gazed dreamily at my Dad. My face screwed up in a mixture of amusement and disgust.

Charlie shifted uncomfortably in his seat as he answered, "It's really good."

"Wonderful," she squeaked and finally walked away, her rump shaking from side to side in a great display. Like a Peacock, only less colorful.

He avoided my eyes as his fingers twisted his cloth napkin on the table. Finally, he looked up at me and immediately rolled his eyes.

"You and Mary should get married," I told him. "Keep the ladies at bay."

After a grunt and a groan, he changed subjects. "This thing in Boston…is it legit?"

I shrugged. "So far, it seems that it is but we'll see."

"Do you want me to go? I could flash my badge and give 'em a scare."

"No, that's not necessary."

I waited for more questions but instead he rambled on about the guys at the station trying to convince him to get a Satellite Dish and he grumbled about Mary adding even more throw pillows to the couch.

Finally, Veronica waddled over and set our food down in front of us. My Dad tried to seem engrossed in his flip phone as she grinned at him. I thanked her and watched the redness creep up his throat and over his cheeks.

"I don't like this place," he grumbled.

I laughed and said, "You haven't even eaten the food, yet!"

"Yeah, well, how can I enjoy my food when Jezebel keeps staring at me from across the room?" He picked up his fork and aggressively stabbed at his food.

"Her name is Veronica and she is not-" I started to tell him that she wasn't staring at him from across the room but as my gaze lingered toward the kitchen, there she was: Staring at him from across the room.

I decided to change the subject back to the original topic. "So, tell me what you think we should do?"

He stopped chewing, the food in his mouth tucked into his cheek like a chipmunk. "Do about what?"

As he said the last word, a half-chewed noodle fell out of his mouth and back onto his plate. Out of all the traits that I had gotten from my father, this was the most ridiculous. I would have preferred the cop-face or even the moustache for God's sake. A monthly waxing would have been nothing compared to the inability to keep food in my mouth while involved in conversation at the dinner table. My mind flashed back to the look on Carlisle's face after the corn incident at Thanksgiving dinner and I cringed.

I shook myself and answered his question. "What should I do about the meeting in Boston? It's a half-million dollars!"

Charlie carefully chewed and swallowed before replying, "What would you do with it?"

With my lips pressed together, I glared at him. "Is that the important thing?"

"I think so, yeah."

"Well," I sighed, "I'd probably buy out my contract at my job so I could move to Chicago."

His brows came together. "Aren't you going to move in May, anyway?"

"June," I answered. "I'm moving here in June."

"That's only five months away," he told me.

"Okay, well, I wouldn't feel so much pressure to find a job right away if I had some savings put away. Edward could finish school and pass The Bar Exam. I could pay you and Mary back for the house. I could-"

"You don't have to worry about paying us for the house anytime soon, Bells. Mary and I are fine, right now. Edward could finish school with student loans, couldn't he?"

I chewed on my lips as I tried to bring up something else I could use the money for then settled on, "It's not about the money, Dad."

He raised his eyebrows. "So, tell me—what's this about?"

With determination in my voice, I told him about my desire to make use of my ability; my need to be at peace with it. He watched me as I spoke of the solitude of my childhood and the pain of losing my mom because of it.

"You feel like this gift of yours should earn its keep," he concluded.

I shrugged a shoulder. "I guess that's a way to look at it; I just feel like I need a reason for it. They may be able to learn things from what I can do. What if I could really help people, Dad? I mean _really _help people?"

The corner of his mouth rose into a smirk. "You can help people whether you use it or not."

With a huff, I sat back in my chair. "So, you're against me and Edward going to Boston."

"I didn't say that," I argued, "but if the reason you're going is to prove something, then I think you should reconsider."

"Don't you think I earned this? Don't you think that this is where my life has led me?" I asked. With my palm, I rubbed my rubbed my eyes and cheeks.

"The question you need to ask yourself, Bella, is if it's worth it or not," he said. "This Science group could release your name to anybody and they'd come looking for the girl with Telekinesis."

I crossed my arms over my chest and stared at the table.

"I didn't say that you shouldn't go but you're getting awful defensive about me just asking you to think hard about this," he said.

My eyes shot to his and I wanted to argue but I couldn't—he was right. I was getting defensive when all he was doing was laying everything out in front of me.

I was at a fork in the road: One path led down into the dark and disturbed forest of risk; the other led into the sunshine where the birds sang and the butterflies danced. There was a part of me that thought the whole idea was crazy. That part wanted to finish out my time in Seattle and—in five month's time—pack up and move to Chicago. That same part was happy and content just where I was, and I wanted to follow that part down that path of singing birds and dancing butterflies.

However, the other part of me yearned to skip to the other side, unpredictable and unnerving as it was. Where would it lead me? Possibly, I could learn the extent of this ability and how it works; maybe, even learn some stability with it. It was exciting and raw and my stomach tied up in delicious knots just thinking about it. It felt natural to turn toward that path; like I belonged there.

"Thanks, Dad, for the advice," I said, sincerely.

"I'll support you in any way that I can but just be careful, Bells."

Veronica interrupted us, with a clap of the bill to the table. "How is everything?" she asked again.

Both us grunted out a "good" without looking at her. When she left, I raced Charlie for the bill but I grabbed it from underneath his hand.

"Ha! Youth wins out over supposed wisdom," I teased.

I grinned as I looked at it and then slowly turned it around to reveal her phone number written at the bottom in red ink. He blushed again and rolled his eyes.

With a smirk, I told him, "You owe me ten bucks."

**~~AMS~~**

The trip to Boston was unremarkable. Due to the uneven ratio of flight attendants to passengers, the mile high club wasn't even possible. We had someone checking our comfort level every ten minutes so both of us heading to the bathroom would have been a red flag. I offered Edward a mile high hand-job but he didn't seem to think that was a good idea, even _after_ I'd told him that the skimpiest amount of sex on an aircraft in flight would get us into the club.

Our flight had left O'Hara at 7pm so it was well past midnight when we pulled into the parking lot of the hotel that Edward had booked online. Edward locked me in the car as he checked us into our room. I almost dozed off in the ten minutes it took for him to pass along his credit card and obtain a key card for our room. We were both exhausted from frayed nerves and airport traffic. Even renting a Volvo was a chore at this time of night. You'd think all the soccer Moms would be home in bed but they weren't. They were at Logan International Airport, pushing their way through the car rental line for a Volvo. We were lucky to get one.

The door closed behind us and we dropped our bags on the floor with a thud. I blinked slowly at the bed then wondered just how gross it would be to give my toothbrush and face wash a middle finger and crawl into bed with my clothes on.

"You want some snacks from the vending machine?" Edward asked.

My stomach rumbled at the thought of cheese Doritos and a Snickers bar even though I wasn't sure if I had the energy to chew. With slurred speech, I gave him my order and handed him a wad of money.

"I don't need all this for the vending machine," he said with a laugh.

I fell backwards onto the bed and waved my hand at him. "What's mine is yours and so forth," I answered.

As the sound of the door clicking closed echoed throughout the room, I closed my eyes. Just for a second. When I opened them, the room was filled with natural light that was creeping in through the spaces between the curtains and the wall.

I blinked and muttered a, "What the hell?"

After rubbing my eyes and blinking some more, I sat up in bed. My pants were off which left me in the long sleeved t-shirt I had worn on the plane and my old lady underwear—which never give me unprovoked wedgies and is perfect for travel.

Beside me, Edward snored softly and my eyes caught the alarm clock on the nightstand beside the bed. It was already 10am. The meeting was three hours away. My stomach lurched and tightened in my torso and my breathing quickened.

"You look hung over," Edward commented.

I looked over at him and grinned. "Maybe, I am," I said, "I don't remember a thing that happened last night. How and when did I lose my pants?"

A mock expression of hurt crossed over his face and he quirked an eyebrow. "You don't…Bella, you don't remember last night?"

"Give it a rest," I mumbled. "I still have some clothes on so I know it couldn't have gotten too crazy."

"Oh, sweetheart," he cooed, waggling his eyebrows, "there are many crazy things I could do to you in a t-shirt and panties."

I thought about fanning myself dramatically with my hand but life called for other things at the moment. My bladder was throbbing and my sense of humor didn't kick in until a little caffeine hit my bloodstream.

As I got up to go to the bathroom, Edward called my name and I looked over my shoulder at him.

"Nice panties, by the way—they leave quite a bit up to the imagination," he teased.

"What are you in such a good mood for?" I asked. My fingers were extremely close to my crotch and my body was instinctively preparing to do the pee-pee dance you learn as a child. "Never mind; pee first, talk later."

After my bladder was emptied, a shower taken and my first cup of coffee down the hatch, I was ready to converse.

"So?" I asked, expecting to take up right where we'd left off.

Edward froze with a bite of vending machine blueberry muffin in his mouth, and then blurted out a muffled, "What?"

"Why are you feeling so chipper?" I asked.

He swallowed then asked. "Why shouldn't I be?"

"I don't know," I answered. "It's just that I thought you'd be all gloomy about this whole thing since you don't want me to do it."

"When did I say that I don't want you to do it?" he asked. "Have I ever said that?"

I quirked an eyebrow at him and he rolled his eyes.

"Recently, when I have told you that," he added.

"You haven't exactly said it in those words," I accused.

He raised his eyebrows and shook his head. "Why are you in such a crappy mood?"

I sucked in a breath. "I'm not in a crappy mood!"

"Okay, you're not in a crappy mood," he mocked.

"I'm not!" I snapped.

The corners of his mouth twitched. I realized then that I was indeed in a crappy mood because the fact that he wanted to laugh made me want to toss a muffin at his head. Violently. I wanted to leave crumbs in his hair.

"Okay, I am in a crappy mood," I confessed.

Smartly, he didn't reply.

"I guess it's just nerves," I said.

Edward got up and sat next to me on the bed. "I'll be with you the whole time and I won't let anyone rope you into anything. I promise."

I smiled shakily up at him. "I know and I love you for it. This just seems like such a pivotal point in our lives, you know? I just don't want to fuck it up."

His lips whispered over my forehead, "You won't, sweetheart."

The building where the JWEF office was located looked like any other building in any other city. It had ten floors of glass windows and the landscaping consisted of tall leafless tress. The cold seemed just as bad as Chicago, bitter and windy. I threaded my hand through the crook in Edward's arm as we set upon an icy patch on the sidewalk. The sturdiness of his arm beneath my hand was calming and it meant so much more than just a crutch for walking over the elements. It was also what he was to me, in one aspect. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be here for more than one reason: He helped guide my mind, gave me mental and physical strength, and played the part of my light house in case the tide carried me too far away from the shore.

In the elevator, I pushed the button for the fifth floor where JWEF was located. In silence, our bodies jerked slightly as the elevator shot into motion in the upward direction. I looked up at Edward and he seemed calm and collected as he met my eyes.

The elevator dinged and Edward pinched my bottom. I squeaked and jumped.

"Let's do this," he whispered.

As we walked through the door of Suite 408, I held my breath expecting…I wasn't sure what to expect but it wasn't this. The waiting room was small, clean and had generic waiting room pictures hanging on the walls. A pretty blonde receptionist sat behind a desk, glued to her computer and typing away as if her life depended upon it.

"This looks so normal," I whispered.

Edward raised his eyebrows as he shifted his gaze over the room. "What did you expect?"

"I don't know; polar bears riding unicycles or three headed goats?"

He chuckled and said, "I'm sure the polar bears have a secret room in the back somewhere all to themselves."

"Can I help you?" the receptionist asked from across the room.

We walked toward her and when we got to the desk, I gave her my name.

"Oh, Bella, so nice to meet you," she said, "I'm Tanya."

I smiled shakily and greeted her with a handshake.

"You can follow me." She rose from her chair and headed toward a door leading to the back of the suite. "Would you like any coffee or pastries while you're waiting for James?"

"Uh…no, I'm fine," I answered.

She walked down the hallway, passing several closed doors on the way. I listened closely for the unmistakable blurt of a goat but all I heard was silence. Probably soundproofed walls, I told myself.

Finally, she stopped at a door and smiled at us as she opened it and stepped inside. She told us to have a seat at a small table and asked again if we wanted any refreshments. Her teeth were incredibly white and for the life of me, I couldn't stop staring. The room was uncomfortably cold and I ran my hands up and down my arms for warmth.

"Sorry about the room temperature," she said, her teeth flashing in a smile. "We have to keep things a little chilly in here. Would you like a heated blanket?"

I couldn't help scrunching up my face in disbelief; who in the hell offered heated blankets when you're waiting for an appointment. Thankfully, Edward answered for me with a quick, "No, thank you."

After she left, I met Edward's gaze with trepidation.

"You want to leave?" he asked.

"I can't go now. I just got here," I said but my tone was weak and pathetic. The slightest bit of argument from him and I would surrender to the anxiety.

He didn't argue. Instead, he pulled me close to his side and kissed the top of my head, giving me reassurance and letting me know that I wasn't and never would be alone.

"Thanks for coming," I muttered.

There was a smile in his answer. "How could I not?"

"You could have stayed at home and told me to stuff it," I said.

His fingers grazed lightly over my shoulder and even through my shirt it gave me chills of enjoyment. "First of all, I'd never leave you hanging out to dry like that and second, if I ever tell you to 'stuff it', I give you permission to knee me in the balls."

I was impressed because from what I've been told—repetitively by the few men in my life—getting kneed, kicked or otherwise throttled in the family jewels is absolutely horrible. One time Emmett compared a bad "gonad bashing" to childbirth. It started a war of words between the ladies and the gents that evening which left a lot of gonads being left unattended to after the lights went off.

"Does that entail every version of 'stuff it' or just those exact words?" I asked.

Edward shifted in his seat and instinctively covered his crotch with his free hand. "What other versions are there?"

I chewed on that question for a few beats as the ticking of the clock filled the silence of the room. "Shove it, go to hell, fuck off, bite me, get-"

"Wait…wait a second, 'bite me' is not a version of 'stuff it'," he interrupted. "Bite me is like saying, 'fuck you' and I'm going to argue the whole 'go to hell' thing, too."

"So, what about 'fuck off'? Can I knee you in the balls if you say _that_ to me?" I asked.

He contemplated that for a few seconds before answering, "Yeah, I guess so."

"What happens if I tell _you_ to 'fuck off'? What do you get to do to me?"

His arm tightened around my shoulders. "I'd probably deserve it."

My eyebrows furrowed. "That wouldn't be fair. I'm all for equal rights in a marriage."

Edward sighed. "I'm exhausted and the day is just starting out,"

A few moments of silence passed and I considered calling out for Tanya with a change of mind in regards to the heated blanket.

"That was sort of a polite 'stuff it', wouldn't you say?" I asked.

"Hmmm?"

"What you said about me exhausting you with this conversation—that was you, telling me to 'stuff it' without actually using those words," I said.

He sighed again, all drawn out and dramatic-like. "I wouldn't say that—"

The door behind us opened and Tanya sauntered in, followed by a middle aged man with a blonde ponytail. I recognized him from the website and we rose to our feet to introduce ourselves.

"Hello, Bella, I'm James Walsh," he said in a gritty voice. His left eye was lazy and I couldn't tell if he was looking directly at me or not. I tried not to stare but the more I tried, the less I could look away from it. "Congratulations on getting to this stage of the challenge."

"This is Edward," I said, keeping my focus on anything but Mr. Walsh's lazy eye. "He's my…" lawyer, fiancé, soul mate, "…lover."

_What?_

Edward cleared his throat as everyone in the room shifted uncomfortably in their shoes. "Uh…I'm her support system and I'm in law school so…" He trailed off, his face tight like he was trying to contain a grin. "She's a little nervous."

I smiled and my cheek muscles grew taut. "I'm a little nervous."

_What the fuck was wrong with me?_

James grinned and bowed his head in my direction. "Well, we shall begin."

They sat across from us at the small wooden conference table. I welcomed the chill in the room now that I had begun to profusely sweat. When they weren't looking, I feigned a stretch and made sure my deodorant was still on the up and up. Thank God it was but I caught the beginnings of sweat stains on the armpits of my blouse. So much for the antiperspirant aspect of the shit but at least there wasn't an odor. _Yet._

"From what Ned tells us, this is going to be an exciting day for us at JWEF. Can you tell us a little about your…uh…gift?" The wrinkles around his squinted eyes grew more pronounced as he smiled. I opened my mouth, unsure of where to begin my tale but Edward interrupted.

"Is there paperwork we need to look through first before she starts answering questions?"

"Oh, of course—you can start looking at the contract while I speak with your beautiful fiancé." I wasn't sure if he realized how creepy he sounded; his tone low and broken like a door that needed its hinges oiled. Edward's hand which had been resting on my knee squeezed involuntarily at the remark and I jumped in my seat. "Nothing will be on the record, of course. We just want to get a little back story before we begin the demonstration."

Tanya pulled out a stack of paperwork and slid it across the table to us. I grabbed it and looked through it—it appeared to be the contract. There was so much dribble that I had to read a sentence five times before giving up and moving to the next one. After a few paragraphs, I slid it over to my…ahem…lover, who grabbed it up with intent.

"That is what you would agree to for the time allotted at the top," James ground out with one eye on Edward and the other on me. I wasn't sure if he was talking to me or Edward so I nodded in acknowledgment but kept silent.

"It's for five years," Edward said, still reading over the paper.

"Essentially, all we would ask is that you make yourself available three times a year for demonstrations or fund raising events," he said, then added, "The rest of that stuff is just legal hodge-podge."

That didn't keep Edward from reading each page with intensity in his green eyes.

"We have a ten thousand dollar check we will give you today, after the demonstration and then the rest of the money will be deposited into your bank account no later than thirty days from today," Tanya said in a low sultry voice. I looked at her, half expecting to see her making eyes at Edward but instead she was looking at James Walsh like he was the only ice cream cone in Texas on a hot August day. _Gross._

"So, Bella, were you born with this gift?" James asked, narrowing his eyes at me in concentration.

I opened my mouth to answer but was interrupted by Edward, once again.

"I think you should look through this and make sure you don't have any questions before you say anything."

He slid the contract in front of me as a look of caution passed over his expression. I knew in that moment that he didn't like this. Something was wrong.

As I read through it, James continued to talk about The Foundation and its reasons for wanting to find someone who possesses supernatural abilities. Edward watched him like someone who was purely fascinated by the topic as I rummaged through the legal words and fine print.

"We aren't out to take advantage of you, if that's what you're worried about," James said, with a grin. "All we want to do is prove that the paranormal exists and with your help, we can support people who make such claims. Also, we can sift through the false reports from the real ones. The JWEF is not in the business of professing any little claim as being true. We go through a majority of processes to eliminate the lies from the truth. By using your ability, for demonstrations, we will become a respected organization. People who need help will start coming to us and therefore, we will be able to help them in return."

"How many claims turn out to be real?" Edward asked.

"About eight percent," he answered.

"So, why can't you use that eight percent as a demonstration?" I asked. "Why pay someone half a million dollars for something that you already have."

"Ahh…that's where you're wrong, Ms. Swan. There is no way to prove to the world that the videos we have are real since it's mostly incidents involving the spiritual realm."

I raised my eyebrows. "You mean ghosts?"

He flashed a smile, showing me the caps on his front teeth. "Yes, and ghosts never perform on command, unlike you would be able to."

Edward sighed. "So, the three times a year that you would need Bella-"

"It would be completely up to her schedule. We would need advanced notice but we would plan our demonstrations and events around your schedule. There would also be paid transportation and hotel accommodations."

As I looked through the contract, I came across a section titled "Health Requirements".

"You make me get a physical?" I asked.

"We run complete tests on you, plus an MRI and CT Scan to see if there are any physical differences in your brain from, say, myself. If something is abnormal or unique about your cerebellum, you still get to keep your money," he said.

Edward shifted in his seat and cleared his throat.

James leaned forward, clasping his hands on the table in front of him in a casual manner. "Wouldn't it be nice to know what is going on in that head of yours, Ms. Swan?"

As a matter of fact, I was more interested in what was going on in Edward's head. Nothing about this situation screamed "big mistake" for me, even after I'd finished going through the contract. However, it was clear from his body language that something was amiss.

"Is there someplace we can talk in private," Edward asked.

James leaned back and Tanya uncrossed her legs.

"A room with no cameras," Edward chimed in, ceasing their movements to leave the room.

"All of our rooms have security cameras but you don't need to worry," Tanya said, and then smiled, her teeth temporarily blinding me. "Nothing would be released without your permission, we guarantee it."

Edward glanced at me, grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the chair. "We'll be right back."

"Uh…where…where are you going?" James asked, his eyes wide with panic. "You don't have to leave."

He tugged me toward the door and into the hallway as his eyes briefly searched each closed door. When we got to the reception area, he found was he was looking for and without hesitation, he tugged me into the Men's restroom.

The sight of urinals sent me into a brief shock and I grimaced.

"What if there had been some man in here, peeing?" I wondered aloud.

He answered me with blinking.

"What are you thinking? What's wrong?" I asked.

He stared at me then ran an agitated hand through his hair. "I don't like this, Bella."

"Okay, talk to me—what don't you like about it?"

He started pacing, his fingers rubbing the point of his chin.

"Did you see something in the contract?" I asked.

"No, that's just it. It all just seems so…perfect," he replied.

My brows came together as I processed that. "You don't like it because it's legit?"

He shook his head. "I can't explain it but I just don't have a good feeling about his place or that man or that contract. Your life will never be the same, Bella."

"It's only five years and you heard him, we get to choose the dates that I…perform or whatever. They pay for an MRI and a physical, which is something I should have had done years ago. What if there's some glitch in my brain that can just fix this and it will disappear like that." I snapped my fingers.

He stopped the pacing and grabbed my shoulders. "I don't want it to disappear. It's a part of you that I love and I don't want to see it destroyed. It's like holding your hand on a stage, in front of crowd of strangers and watching you strip. It's…unsettling for me."

Unfortunately, my overactive imagination pictured that scenario and I couldn't help but cringe. I imagined pulling off my shirt and getting dollar bills in the shapes of little tiny airplanes flown at me.

I shook myself and mentally scolded my imagination.

"If it means that much to you, I'll walk out right now," I told him, "but tell me this. What would you do if someone saw you sing at the piano bar and they offered you a contract? A half million dollars and all you would have to do is play piano and sing—probably go on tour. You may get famous and your life would change, but that doesn't mean it's for the worse. Of course, this is going to change our lives. How could it not?" His expression grew pained as his gaze dropped to the floor. "I don't have musical talent. I can't paint or draw worth a shit and God knows, I can't dance. But I do have this unique and freaky ability to move things with my mind. It's all I have to offer, Edward."  
His eyes snapped up to meet mine. "You are so much more than that, Bella."

I sighed and said, "Only because of you."

With a surrendering shake of his head, he replied, "I still don't like this." I closed my eyes and wished for a damn good reason to come out of his mouth as to why we shouldn't take that money and run. If only there had been something that sent us running out that door: A stipulation or some stupid rule in the contract that made us both laugh incredulously and tell them to shove it. But there was nothing.

"I told you that this is your decision so I'm with you, no matter what," he said, his warm breath washing over my face.

I opened my eyes to see that he had moved closer, his nose almost touching mine.

"There's no way I will do this if you are against it," I told him. "We're in this together."

"If you do this, I'm one hundred percent behind you," he offered.

His words told me one thing but his eyes told me something else completely different. It hit me then that Edward would follow me to hell and back if I needed him to. Perhaps, that's where we were going. Or not.

"Don't leave this up to me," I begged. "This is your life, too."

"I go where you go, Baby," he said with a smirk. "That's all there is to it."

"Are you sure that you're okay leaving this up to me? What if I sign that contract and it makes our lives a living hell? Are you going to hate me?" I asked.

His answer didn't come in the form of words but it didn't come from his mouth. With swift gracefulness, he pressed his lips to mine and impaled my mouth with his tongue. The force of his arms pulling me and pressing me against him sent a yearning through my exhausted bones. I wanted to shrink myself and climb into his pocket so he could protect me for the rest of my life.

The kiss grew urgent as he pressed my back against the wall. His hand traveled frantically up and down my side-from armpit to hip then back to armpit again. I groaned and moaned and shamelessly hitched my leg around his thigh.

When he pulled away, we looked at each other, our chests heaving and our fingers grasping each other's bodies as if we might be pulled forcefully away from the other.

"It's your call, Bella, and no matter what happens, I'm with you," he whispered between breaths.

The hallway seemed so much longer than it had the first time we walked down it. My heart beat like a drum in my chest and my stomach clenched. I still hadn't decided what to do as we stopped in front of the conference room door. My mind reeled, thinking of pros and cons; factors and possibilities. Perhaps, I'd look through the contract again or ask some more questions.

As I looked up at Edward, so much love filled my chest that I felt as if I would burst. His eyes were like the doorway to his soul and even though he grinned at me, I could see the fear mixed with the green. The what-if's that I had sworn off were peeking back into my brain like arrows being shot from an invisible bow.

What if I walked away: I'd go home to Seattle, wait until June and move to Chicago. I'd move into the house that Charlie and Mary had bought for us and I'd use the summer to search for a teaching job. Edward would go to work at the law firm in a job that he doesn't particularly like and we'd probably struggle to pay our bills until I found something permanent to bring home a paycheck. Edward may never be able to finish his last year of school or pass the Bar Exam. However, there was no doubt in my mind that even though we'd struggle, there would love and happiness and contentment.

What if I signed that contract? All of our struggles with money and jobs and bills would dissipate. We could afford our wedding as early as next summer and be able to go on a honeymoon—possibly back to Miami to where it all began. But I was almost certain that this path would bring on new struggles to replace the old. If I were a betting woman, I would place the entire half-million on it. But, together, we would get through it because there was no other place in this world for me but by Edward's side.

I put my hand on the cold doorknob, and suddenly, as if the metal had been rigged with electricity, I knew what I had to do. In fact, it seemed silly that I'd ever struggled with this.

The conversation between Tanya and James ceased immediately as we walked through the door. Edward's presence behind me was like a warrior, prepared to fight whatever battle I threw at him. Dear God, I loved him and I knew now that I couldn't do anything to jeopardize that love.

"Thank you for the opportunity, Mr. Walsh but I have to respectfully decline," I announced.

Both of their jaws dropped and Edward made some sort of noise behind me that sounded like choked groan. I'd heard it before, just not in this situation. It was a noise of relief and joy and pride. In the end this had been the easiest decision of my life.

"But…but…you can't just walk out—"

I held my hand up to stop him. "Yeah, I can. I'm sorry for your trouble."

"I'll double the money!" he shouted. "I'll make it a cool million if you sign that contract!"

He hadn't seemed desperate until now. He'd been playing it cool beside Tanya, whose teeth blinded me as she gaped at James.

"James…we can't—"

He cut her off and hissed, "Shut up, Tanya, yes we can." Then he turned his attention back to me and his face softened, his eyes wide with distress. "My lawyer is in the room next door. It will only take a few minutes to draw up a new contract."

A million dollars. I looked at Edward and his face had paled a little but he gave me a nod, telling me that it was my call. He was leaving the decision up to me.

I turned back to James and took a deep breath. "It's not about the money, Sir, but thank you."

We left the room, leaving James and Tanya sputtering behind us. When we got to the elevator and the doors closed, Edward grabbed me and pulled me to him in a suffocating hug.

"Tell me that you didn't do that for me," he whispered in my ear. "Tell me that you didn't do that based on what I said in the bathroom. I don't want you to resent me, Bella. I don't ever want to hold you back from anything."

"Can't…breathe…" I sputtered with the only air I had left in my lungs.

He loosened his hold and apologized with a warm breath in my ear. I pulled back from him just enough to see his eyes so that I could really see what he was feeling in that moment. There was the slightest bit of concern but it was overshadowed by elation.

"I did it for us," I replied. "This gift of mine has ruled my life for so long and now that I've found you, it doesn't have to. All I need is you."

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**A/N: Well? I'd love to know what you think. If you've never reviewed but have been reading, I'm begging you to give me a piece of your mind at this point. As for those of you who have reviewed, please don't stop. I cherish every word.**

**The past six months have been very difficult for me in my RL but reading your responses puts a huge, idiotic smile on my face. This fandom is amazing. Thanks for sticking it out, guys. Epilogue Part I should be up sometime in the next week. **

**Thank you, Soft Ragoo for nominating Awake My Soul for two Emerging Swan Awards: Best Edward and Bella & Best Romance. I'm so flattered that I could burst.**


	36. Epilogue Part One

**A/N: Sorry for the delay. I have plenty of excuses but I won't bore you. Thank you for all the reviews and feedback. I'm a horrible, horrible, HORRIBLE person for not responding to all of them. Just know that I cherish each review. More boring A/N at the end. :-)**

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.**

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**Epilogue Part I**

_Six months later…_

"Damn! What do you have in this one, Bells? Bricks?" Charlie asked as he carried one of my boxes of books from the moving van to the house.

"Yes, I packed bricks," I deadpanned.

He rolled his eyes and grunted dramatically as he carried the box up the steps of the front porch. I smiled at his retreating form, happy that he barely had a limp thanks to the surgery he'd gotten for his hip. Plus, he had been diligent about going to physical therapy.

Edward strolled out of the house, wearing loose denim jeans and white t-shirt. There was a smear of dirt across his three day old beard and his hair was waving hello to the entire neighborhood.

"Hey," he said, and then craned his neck to look into the back of the truck. "Shit, we're only halfway there."

I followed his gaze and frowned. "Too bad Emmett isn't here. He'd have the thing unloaded in an hour."

Wrinkles formed on Edward's brow as he scrunched his face in disagreement. "Are you saying that Emmett is stronger than I am?"

"No, I'm just saying that…uh…Emmett is really good at carrying boxes."

He didn't buy it. "I'm pretty fucking good at carrying boxes, too. Watch this, soon-to-be-Mrs.-Edward-Masen."

He climbed into the back with his chest puffed out and his boots stomping on the bed of the truck. His gaze shifted over the boxes and his eyes stopped on the biggest one.

"Edward, those are the rest of my books. You should let me help you with that one," I said.

To make a show of it, he turned to face me and flexed his biceps, all the while emitting a growl that sounded similar to sick dog.

"I'm serious," I said, jumping up into the truck. "It's really-"

Too late.

In his defense, he did everything right. He bent at the knees, kept his back nice and straight, wrapped his strong arms around the box and lifted with his legs. Muscling his way through it was what I was expecting—not the high pitched yelp that echoed off the steel of the vehicle we were standing in.

"Edward!" I called as his mouth formed an "O". He stood stock still with his arms encircling the box.

"I…think…I…did…somethingtomyback."

I rushed to him and helped him release his hands from the around the box. He was trying hard to keep the grunts of pain to a minimum but I still heard them. Unfortunately, any kind of grunts that came from Edward's mouth made my thighs tingle. Briefly, a vision of him naked on top of me flashed through my head.

"Are you okay?" I asked, my voice cracking. "What do you need?"

He was on his hands and knees, practically kissing the ground. I wasn't sure if he could answer me so I asked again.

"Bella! Are you alright?" Charlie asked as he hopped up into the truck. "I heard you scream."

I could practically feel Edward's ego crumbling at my feet. When you scream like a girl in front of your future father in-law, it does something to a man.

"Uh, I got scared because Edward hurt his back…so I screamed. It was more like a yelp," I clarified.

Charlie straightened and looked between the two of us. "Where's the keys to your car so I can pull it around. We should take you to the hospital."

Edward grimaced and shook his head. "I'm fine. I just need…to sit down for a minute."

I pressed my lips together and quirked an eyebrow. Glancing at me, he groaned and rolled his eyes.

"All right," he conceded. "The keys should be in the kitchen on the counter."

The trip to the ER was long and bumpy even though my Dad did his best to avoid pot holes while listening to Edward groaning out directions. I sat in the back seat with him as he tried to breath through his pain in a crumpled posture. I wanted to ask him annoying questions about our proximity or his pain level but I thought maybe it would throw him over the edge. There was sweat bubbling on his upper lip and a line formed between his brows. If he passed out, we'd never get there.

Finally, we reached the emergency room and thanks to Edward's groans—which were fairly manly considering the yelp I'd heard from him earlier—he got his own curtained off room in just under an hour. The doctor came in, asked some questions and gave the okay for an injection of strong pain medication and a muscle relaxant.

Ten minutes later, Edward was in full out confession mode.

"Have I told you just how beautiful you are?" His speech was slightly slurred and his eyes peeking at me through the cracks of his eyelids. "You are like an angel."

I grinned down at him and ran my fingers through his hair. Charlie cleared his throat and announced his sudden need for coffee. After he was gone, Edward continued his drunken ramblings.

"The moment I first saw you, Bella, I knew…I just knew that I was going to marry you," he said, grinning. His head rolled from side to side on the pillow a little as he talked. "You were in those tight little jeans and that blue sweater v-neck sweater that just about drove me mad. I sat three rows up from you on that first day, watching you twirl your hair around your finger and hunker down into the chair so that you wouldn't be noticed."

"I doubt anyone did notice me." I admit that I was egging him on—hoping to get some more of this deep seeded memory out of him before he let the drugs fully take him under.

"Oh, Bella," he sighed. A sense of concern mixed in with the sluggishness of his voice. "Not noticing you would be like unawareness to the sun after a lifetime of rain or ignoring a spring in the middle of the Sahara."

I bent down, tears filling my eyes, and brushed my lips over his cheek. How had I gotten so fucking lucky?

"When did you become such a poet?" I asked against his skin.

He responded with a soft snore. Sighing, I rose up and watched him sleep: His dark brows pulled together slightly as if he were considering something important, the scruff on his chin that he loved to rub against my neck in ticklish torture, the peaceful deep breaths that filled his chest and escaped through his nose.

I had made the right decision in Boston. If I hadn't been sure of it then, I was now. Money changes people—whether it's for the good or the bad, that's up to the person. Sometimes, though, it's difficult to realize that the change is disfiguring you until it's already happened. I could tell myself that it wouldn't happen to us but it could and I couldn't risk it. My life was pretty damn perfect just the way it was. Sure, we'd struggle and there would be heaps of things that we'd never get to do because we'd be too damn broke to do it but that's life.

The only thing that I regretted about turning down the deal was the fact that I could have used it to communicate with other people who were born with differences; other self-proclaimed freaks that have gone through the same crappy childhood that I had. The big question was what did I have to offer them if I found them? I didn't have extraordinary knowledge on the subject—hell, I was still trying to find the answer to my own special problem. I guess the only thing I could offer them is a sense of belonging, something to let them know that they aren't alone in their weirdness. In the end, it wasn't worth it to me.

My future was too unpredictable as it was but throw in a group of Scientists trying to expose me to the world and it would be life-changing. I wasn't interested in changing my life because it was as perfect as it could possibly get. And that was pretty damn perfect.

"The horse…get the horse…" Edward mumbled.

I bit my lip to keep from giggling. He rarely talked in his sleep so I allowed myself the pleasure of listening to him.

"Damn—he's out cold." Charlie said from behind me, tilting his head to look at Edward. "He's sort of precious, isn't he?"

I laughed as he thrust out a paper cup filled with coffee toward me and I thanked him. He sat down beside me and we watched Edward mumble some more in his sleep.

"You sure about this, Bella?" Charlie asked. "We can load things back up and I can take you back to Seattle."

I cut my eyes to him and grinned. "I've never been so sure about something, Dad."

"Alice is going to miss you like crazy," he added.

"I'm going to miss her, too but we can visit and Skype," I replied.

"What's Skype?" I opened my mouth to answer but he waved me off. "Never mind."

"Do you think you'll find a teaching job here?" he asked.

I shrugged and answered, "Hopefully."

He grunted in reply but didn't say anything else for a few minutes. The cluster of voices in the hallway and Edward's soft snores were the only noises disturbing the sipping of our coffee.

"Why is it that he can't move to Seattle again?" he asked. It was funny that he asked me this since he had practically bought us a house here.

"You know why, Dad," I said with annoyance. "Why are you so against me moving out here, anyway?"

"I'm not against it," he replied, "but that doesn't mean I'm happy about it."

My brows pulled together as I chewed on his words for a few moments. "What do you have against Chicago?"

"Nothing except for the fact that it's about two thousand miles away from Seattle," he replied. He reached up and ran a finger through his moustache, his eyes finding the linoleum extremely interesting. "I feel like I just got you back."

We weren't the type to share such things with each other and by the way he shifted in his seat and gulped down the remainder of his coffee, I knew it had been hard for him to say. Crying wasn't something I was comfortable with, especially in front of my dad. It made me feel vulnerable and weak and emotionally dependable but I couldn't help it. Before I knew it, my eyes were brimming and my cheeks were wet because what he had just said broke my heart a hundred times over.

"You'll always be my dad," I told him. "Just because we don't live close, it doesn't mean that we won't be in each other's lives."

He cleared his throat. "I just…I don't want…"

"I promise you that I won't," I told him. "You're stuck with me, Charlie."

With a sigh, he pretended to have an itch in both eyes. When the itch had subsided, he gave Edward another long look. Edward grumbled something else then emitted a weak little laugh that would have turned him ten shades of pink if he knew that Charlie was watching him.

"You're sure he has what it takes?" Charlie asked with his eyes still on Edward, a faint grin forming under his moustache.

"I've never been surer about anything in my life."

"Well," he said, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees, "looks like I'm going to have to get me a White Sox hat before I head home."

I had lived in the City of Chicago for two months and nothing about the place excited me anymore. Walks in Grant Park with Edward turned into stressful views of the city in which I couldn't find employment. The schools in the area had already filled their vacancies as of the spring when most school districts signed contracts. Edward worked his ass off so that I could make phone call after phone call to get rejected and turned down with an apologetic "Sorry, we're not looking for anyone but we'll take your information in case something comes open." Yeah, right—I'm sure they would.

Edward told me to take my time and that we would be fine. He made more than enough to cover our bills so he didn't seem concerned. However, I felt worthless and guilty because I knew that the overtime he often worked on Saturday afternoons wasn't always mandatory. So, after a few weeks of searching, I temporarily abandoned my hunt for a teaching position and applied for an office job at a construction company. Three days later, I was hired and I was ecstatic.

Edward was not.

When I asked him what his problem was with the job, he told me that his law firm had handled a lawsuit of sexual harassment involving a woman working at a construction office. I assured him that I'm sure it would be fine and nothing like that would happen. Plus, I needed a job; not just for the money but for my self-esteem.

Unfortunately, Edward had been correct in his assumption. I worked in a trailer on a site on the East side, writing reports to the city and balancing the check book. It was a small company but it paid well so the first time one of the guys came bounding into the office and gave me a once over, I rolled my eyes and continued with my work. Most of the guys ignored me but the couple who didn't thought that sexual innuendos were the funniest thing on God's green earth.

Ignoring them had worked until I could no longer stand it. The straw that broke the camel's back was a stocky man who looked a little like an English Bulldog. His name was Brad and while my hands were busy pouring water into the coffee pot, his had found my rear. Before he could mutter any sort of compliment about my fanny, I flung the tiny bowl of sugar into his face and hoped that he didn't close his eyes fast enough. Just as the sugar hit his face, my stapler flew at the window and smashed through it. Luckily, it had been just the two of us so the stapler that my infuriated brain has tossed out the window was only heard as the glass shattered on the carpeted floor of the trailer. I realized then that my unemployment stress was far better than this.

As Brad whined about the sugar scratching away at his corneas, I grabbed my purse and walked proudly out of the trailer. Faintly, I could hear the foreman, my boss, asking me what in tarnation had happened but I just kept on walking until I got to my car. Then I turned the engine over, hunched myself over the steering wheel and cried.

My keys hit the counter with a loud crash and my purse followed behind. The house was empty. For the first time since moving to Chicago, I hoped that Edward worked late because I needed some time to clean myself up before he got home. Unfortunately, I was still in the shower, basking in the steam, when he walked into the bathroom, practically whispering.

"Everything okay?" he asked.

My eyes widened as the hot water battered down on my scalp. "Yeah, why?"

"It's just strange for you to take a shower in the evening."

I cleared my throat, trying to clear itself from the hoarseness that my crying had brought about. "I'm fine. Just wanted to…uh…"—my eyes found my bottle of shampoo sitting on the ledge of the shower—"try out this new shampoo that I bought."

A man never questioned a woman's beauty routine. I allowed myself a satisfied smile before he popped his head in and looked at me. His eyes took in my toes, my ankles, my knees, my thighs, my belly, my left breast, my right breast, my left breast again, my neck and then narrowed on my eyes. The small smirk that had developed somewhere around my belly had vanished.

"You've been crying," he pointed out.

I chewed on the inside of my cheek. "I quit my job."

His eyes narrowed further into tiny little slits of anger. "What happened?"

"Nothing. I just didn't like it," I lied. "Can we talk about this when I'm dressed?"

He removed his head from view and I sighed in relief. I'd have to tell him but I felt too vulnerable as it was. Nudity only made me feel worse.

With no warning, Edward popped into my view again but this time it was more of him and his clothing had disappeared. I couldn't help but take in his body the same way he had just done mine and for a moment, I completely forgot why my eyes were raw and the reason my chest ached.

"What happened?" he repeated.

I wrapped my arms around his torso and pressed my cheek against his chest. Finally, I felt better. It wasn't the shower or the crying or anything else that I had needed. Just Edward.

"Those guys are just assholes," I murmured.

His body tensed and I felt his fingers digging into the skin of my back.

"What did they do, Bella?"

I sighed and tightened my grip. "Just words, Edward, but I was fed up with it."

"How long has this been going on?"

"Pretty much since I started but-"

"Why didn't you say anything?" His tone was laced with anger and hurt.

"Because I really needed this job," I told his chest hair. "I can't stand all this…this failure!"

He was quiet for a few minutes but his body didn't release its hold on mine. The tips of his finger still dug into my flesh and his arms cocooned me like a steep trap.

"What are you thinking?" I finally asked.

He was quiet for a moment before he replied, "Where I would hide the bodies if I murdered some people."

I pushed away from him, his hands reluctantly letting me go. His eyes were full of fire and he had that angry hot thing going on that I loved about him. The feeling was inappropriate but I got the familiar urge to hump his leg like I typically do when angry-hot-Edward makes an appearance.

"You look tired," he said with a sigh. It wasn't good that my seduction face looked similar to my exhausted face. I'd have to practice that one in the mirror. "Plus, you're getting all pruney."

I let my forehead fall against his chest and realized that I _was_ exhausted.

"How about you go take a short nap and I'll make dinner," he suggested.

With my fingertips I pinched his side and he let out a manly yelp.

"Just making sure that you were real," I told him.

He planted a quick kiss on my lips. "You're supposed to pinch yourself when you think you're dreaming."

"That's not nearly as fun."

I lay down in bed, naked as a jaybird, and closed my eyes. What seemed like seconds later, I was being summoned by the gentle lull of Edward's voice.

"Bella, are you hungry or do you want to keep sleeping?" he asked.

Blinking my eyes, I tried to adjust my eyes to the grey light of dusk. "No, I'm getting up."

He ran a hand up the back of my thigh and cupped my left buttock. "I have something special for you."

My thoughts immediately went into seventeen-year-old-boy mode and the "something special" became the muscle of pleasure packed tight behind the zipper of his jeans. By the way he was pleasantly squeezing my bum, there was no room for asexual thoughts. I imagined him naked and under me, his hands all over my body.

"You look like you're still tired," he finally said, breaking me from my trance.

I really needed to work on my sexy look.

After I dressed in comfortable sweatpants and a tank top, I sauntered downstairs and into the kitchen. Shock washed over my features as I discovered the kitchen table bare of food.

Edward grinned and rubbed his palms together. "Tonight, we dine outside."

I raised my brows. "Outside?"

"Yes," he said, sticking his elbow out for me and I slid my hand through the groove. "How do you feel about Pepperoni and mushroom pizza?"

My stomach answered with a loud, obnoxious growl.

He guided me to the back patio and out into the grass where he had set up our dinner. My heart melted as I took in the scene: Citronella candles that had been plugged into the ground, a thick blanket to sit on with the pizza placed in the middle, a radio that was playing sickeningly sweet loves songs, and a single yellow daisy in a tiny little vase.

"Edward, this is so sweet," I said weakly.

He shrugged. "You looked like you needed to be cheered up."

We sat down and dug into the pizza, moans escaping from each of us on our first bite. Grease dripped down my chin and I caught it with a napkin.

"You didn't kill anyone while I was sleeping, did you?" I asked.

He grunted then said, "No, but it wasn't because it slipped my mind. I figured the last thing you needed was to bail me out of jail tonight. You could sue them, you know."

"I know," I sighed, "and it may come off as being cowardly, but I just want to forget about it. The thing that upsets me the most is that I put up with it for so long."

A tense silence fell between us and I knew I needed to change the subject before I ruined this sweet thing that he had done for me. The expression on Edward's face told me he was calculating bloody revenge crimes in his head: Dark eyes, furrowed brows and the aggressive movement of his jaw as he chewed his food. The look I wanted was the safe look of soft eyes and his signature smirk.

"What's with the sleeping bags?" I asked, pointing to the rolls of blankets on the ground in front of us.

The soft look I loved was fighting for dominance with the tension when he answered, "Your number four." When I shot him a confused glance, he added, "Your bucket list, Bella."

After a few moments of digging through my memory of that day on the beach when we had discussed the bucket lists, a light bulb went off over my head. "Sleeping under the stars."

He smiled and most of the tension in his face vanished—just like that. "Our second attempt, if I'm not mistaken."

"That's right, the first got rained out," I said with a smile, hoping against all hope that I wouldn't blush at the memory of Edward touching me for the first time. Instead of the heat of embarrassment, a completely different feeling took over me and I found myself scoping out the yard. _Could our neighbors see over that fence?_

When the pizza was all gone—except for that corner piece that we never wanted—we lay down on the blankets and pulled the sleeping bags over top of us. I snuggled into Edward's side, using his arm as a pillow.

"It's nice out tonight," I murmured. "Do you really plan on keeping me out here all night?"

He scoffed and raised his head up to meet my eyes. "How can we scratch it off your list if we don't?"

"Good point," I told him. "This would be the last of my top five."

As he chewed that around in his head, I thought about his top five.

"You didn't get to any of yours," I said, "or have you been reading up on your Shakespeare?"

He smiled and said, "I can't get through Hamlet—it's too depressing."

"You should be able to change your bucket list around," I pointed out.

"Yeah, you know what? I only put that Shakespeare thing on there because I thought it would impress you. Honestly, I think Shakespeare was overrated."

I gasped and turned on to my side, using my elbow to hold myself up. "How can you say that? Shakespeare was a genius!"

He laughed. "I knew that would get you all riled up."

I lay back down in a huff but couldn't manage a grudge. I couldn't argue that Hamlet wasn't depressing. Perhaps, I should incorporate Shakespeare into the bedroom. He could be Romeo and I would be his Juliet—romantic until we have to kill ourselves. Or he could be Hamlet and I could be Ophelia—but then I'd end up drowning. Edward would have looked hot in one of those toga things so maybe Julius Caesar was the way to go. How the fuck would we make that sexual, though? Probably, we should just drop the whole Shakespeare idea and put Edward in a toga. An easy-to-remove toga—perhaps one that is made with cheap fabric that he could tear off his body as he…

"You okay?" he asked.

"Huh?"

"I lost you there for a moment. Where did you go?"

"I was picturing you in a toga." His eyebrows jerked upward. "Then I imagined you tearing the toga off."

The expression on his face was a mixture of amusement and curiosity. "And then what?" he asked.

"Then you interrupted," I told him. "I was just getting to the good part."

His arm jerked me back down to his side and he squeezed me to him. The press of his lips on my head made me sigh with happiness. This was all I needed to get through rough patches: His arms around my shoulders and his warm breath in my hair. Comfort and serenity seemed to pass like electricity from his body into mine and I wanted to bathe in it forever.

"Let's get married this fall," I blurted.

"I thought you wanted to wait until-"

I interrupted because I knew what I had said but it was a load of bullshit. "I know what I said but I change my mind. Life is too short to wait around for things to happen when we can have it right now. Let's do it in October so the leaves will be changing colors."

There was no reason to wait since we didn't want anything big or fancy. The explanation of why I felt the urgency to be his wife was lost on me. All I knew was that I wanted to make promises to him and hear his in return. I wanted to be Mrs. Edward Masen.

"October is good," he said.

"Are you sure? I don't want to rush anything but I just want to start our lives together and I feel like everything is at a stand-still until we say our vows," I pointed out.

"We have started our lives together, Bella," he replied. "And to answer your question, I don't care if we do it tomorrow. October is perfect. Alice won't like it that she only has a few months to arrange things, though."

He stroked my arm as I chewed on the whole Alice situation. "Maybe, we can just elope."

"Oh no, you're not getting out of it that easy. I want to see your face as you walk down the aisle toward me and I want to watch Charlie give you away. If we did it without him, it would crush him."

I sat up on my elbow, his palm melted down to my ribcage. His thumb inadvertently brushed the underside of my breast and I could feel my nipples harden. They were like little soldiers for his hands; standing to attention at the slightest notion that his fingertips would venture near them. If they could talk, they'd be pleading for consideration.

"Do you think your Mom will be able to come? I mean, we can't do it if she can't come because I want her there," I told him. "October might be-"

He put his finger on my lips to cut me off. "We'll make it work, sweetheart. My mom will be there—I promise."

I sighed and settled back down next to him. The adjustment made his hand wrap around to my chest and his hand cupped my breast. My right nipple sighed of relief as his warm palm covered me through my shirt, his thumb going back and forth over the happy protrusion.

"You know," he said huskily, "I could make a toga real quick out of a bed sheet."

I thought about it for a few beats and squeezed my thighs together in response. "How about we just skip ahead to the naked part. I can pretend that the toga has been torn off already."

"If I'm not mistaken, I think you may have something to add to your bucket list," he teased.

I ran my hand over his stomach, past his zipper and into his jeans. He groaned as I found him, ready for me, and I moved my palm over him gently.

"I think I need separate bucket lists," I said. "One that is perverted and one that is…well, not perverted."

His hand snaked under my shirt and moaned when his fingers found my bare nipple, saluting his fingers. With his fingertips, he rubbed over my hardened tip and I found myself hooking my leg through his. I was practically humping him but I didn't care. At that point, I had no shame.

"I want you, Edward," I moaned into his neck. "Please…"

With quick grace, he pulled his hand from my shirt and removed mine from his pants. I almost protested as he stood up and pulled me up with him. He bent down, wrapped his strong arm around the backs of my knees and picked me up. I squeaked as my arms flung around his neck to steady myself.

"What about sleeping outside," I said, giggling.

He kissed me on the lips then said, "We've got all kinds of time to sleep under the stars."

The weather was perfect. The guests were perfect. I was willing to be that Edward looked perfect. What wasn't perfect was the fact that my dress that I had tried on two weeks ago, seemed to have shrunk. That's when I started to cry.

"What…did…you…eat?" Rose asked between grunts and gritted teeth. "I thought you said this thing fit like a glove two weeks ago. Did you have it zipped up?"

My hands turned into fists. "Of course I had it zipped up," I snapped. "Do you think that I'm an idiot?"

"Suck it in," Alice suggested.

I whimpered and did as she told me even though I wasn't sure that I could suck it in anymore. With one more grunt, Rose gave up and the fabric around my abdomen relaxed. If I hadn't felt like a whale before, I did now.

The tears flowed like a river.

Alice laid a hand on my shoulder. "Bella, calm down. You're starting to scare me."

My eyes snapped to hers and I felt a snot bubble rising and descending on my right nostril. It tickled. She glanced at it and tried really hard not to grimace but I saw the slight curve of her mouth and the twitch of her eyebrows.

"How is it that I'm the one who can't fit into her wedding dress,"—I peeked at the clock on the wall—"thirty minutes before I'm supposed to waltz down the aisle and you're the one who's scared? I guess I could get married in the jeans I wore here, right? I could just throw 'em on and say fuck it! Who cares? Bella doesn't care, right? Bella is all who-gives-a-shit about wedding dresses and flowers and shit, right? So, sue me—apparently, I do give a shit."

Two pairs of eyes stared at me: Shocked and a little frightened.

"Oh my God…now, I'm cussing in a church! I'm going to hell!"

I sobbed harder. They wrapped their arms around me and cooed sweet reassurances in my ear.

"Edward deserves so much better than this," I cried. "He needs a strong, amazing girl who doesn't let a bloated gut make her cry." I flopped down on a chair and wiped my eyes. "I'm a mess."

After a few seconds of silence, Alice mumbled that she was going to get Esme. With help from a thousand tissues and Rose—who thankfully wiped my nose free of snot bubbles—I managed to pull myself together. That was, until Esme walked in and I felt my bottom lips start to tremble.

"What is wrong with me? I can't stop crying!"

Esme tilted her head and looked at me from head to toe. "You look stunning, Bella."

"I feel sick," I replied.

"It's not that bad, I promise," she said, gently. "Stand up and we'll get this dress to—"

I stood up. "No…I'm really going to be sick!"

Just in time, they grabbed a small trash can and shoved it in front of my mouth. I vomited up my miniscule breakfast and plenty of stomach acid. To their credit, no one made any "yuck" noises or comments.

"Well," Rose chimed in, "maybe the dress will fit you _now_."

When I was sure the vomiting was over, Esme had me stand up and lift my arms into the air. She told me to suck it in and with some tugging and some name calling—in reference to the zipper—she pulled it past my gut and between my shoulders.

I cried from relief.

"Why can't I stop crying?" I asked through a smile.

Alice grinned back. "Because you're getting married, silly!"

"Man!" Rose exclaimed. "You're pre-wedding jitters are like pregnancy symptoms. You're all bloated and teary and puking and…" she trailed off when she noticed us all looking at her with wide eyes.

Then the wide eyes turned to me.

"Bella, you're not…"

"No! Of course not! I'm on birth control," I said.

Esme cleared her throat. "Have you…are you…late?"

"No, I'm due next week which explains all the emotional crap. I'm just going through a hell of a PMS." I sniffed. I was almost positive that my period was due next week. Fairly certain. Pretty sure. Hopefully. "Besides, I'm better now that I got my dress zipped up."

They kept staring at me, considering the conversation.

"Are you going to do my hair or just stand there and gawk?" I snapped.

My hair was curled underneath a white sheer veil and Alice did wonders with makeup. I looked like I hadn't cried at all which I knew would change the second I saw Edward, waiting for me at the altar.

"You're beautiful, Bella," Esme said with glittering eyes.

I pointed a finger at her. "Don't make me cry again, Esme."

She hugged me, in spite of my grumpy demeanor and sauntered back into the hall. Rose and Alice each grabbed a hand and we grinned at each other like idiots.

"You sure you're not pregnant?" Rose asked. "You've got this glowing thing going on."

I rolled my eyes. "Shut it, Rose."

As I followed them down the hallway and toward the sanctuary of the small non-denominational church, my body tensed. I wasn't scared or even nervous; I was excited. An hour from now, I'd be Edward's wife.

When we reached the double doors, I peeked inside and surveyed our guests: Some of Edward's co-workers hugged the rear of the room and our close family sat close to the altar. Each row of seats was accented with a bundle of red roses and white lilies which Bree had helped me decide on. It looked amazing.

Bree and her parents sat between the two groups. She looked amazing and I smiled when I saw her looking over her shoulder, watching for me. We still e-mailed and kept in touch, and I hoped that we always would. She was taking summer classes in an effort to catch up and I admired her tenacity and determination. In a few months, she would be out of the danger zone as far as the marrow transplant went. I doubted she would ever realize how strong she is but hoped that one day she did. Renee looked uncomfortable which made my smile grow. If she had to be here, at least it wouldn't be pleasant for her. When she insisted on accompanying Bree, I wasn't going to fight it because having Bree here was more important.

Carlisle and Esme sat beside Mary. They were having a conversation on God knows what but they looked like they were getting along well. Three amazing people who I was honored to know.

Carlise and I had grown closer since my move to Chicago. He had ordered every sort of test on me imaginable in the past few months. He came up with nothing. Everything was normal, including the MRI. It didn't matter. In fact, there were days that I even forgot my ability existed within me which was saying a lot about my life with Edward. He was my peace.

Jasper stood in front, shifting nervously from foot to foot. Alice didn't talk about her future because I thought that it was too hard for her. I didn't push her; she would talk when she was ready and if she had a breakdown, I'd be on a plane to Seattle to help her through it. Jasper was holding back because he wanted a perfect life for her. Little did he know that sometimes imperfection is what made two lives fit together.

Emmett was grinning, knowing that I was watching him. He winked at Rose as she started walking slowly down the aisle toward him. I wasn't sure but I think she blushed.

Then my eyes caught Edward and I couldn't help the lump that formed in my throat. I blinked away tears and swallowed but it only made it worse. He was wearing a charcoal gray suit, a burgundy tie and a white lily clung to his lapel. I had always loved his hair and it was obvious that he'd tried to flatten it but I was glad that he hadn't succeeded. The look on his face was anticipation, as if he were peeking through the oven door at his favorite cake baking in the oven.

The lump in my throat unwittingly turned into something else and I flattened my palm over my mouth. Alice, who was two seconds from walking down the aisle, glanced at me and stiffened.

"What's wrong?" Charlie asked with his hand on my elbow.

Alice frantically looked around for something…anything and came up with a plastic bag that had carried some of the decorations into the church. I heaved into it, just as we were out of earshot of the guests. Then I dry heaved some more until tears rolled down my cheeks and my breath grew heavy.

"Are you okay?" Alice asked.

I looked up. Charlie was pale and his expression was full of panic.

With a groan, I nodded and that's when I realized the same verse of music was repeating on the organ.

"You have to go, Alice," I whispered. "I'll be fine."

She made a face and hissed, "You have vomit breath! You can't get married with vomit breath!"

I stuck out my tongue and realized that she was right. "What should I do?"

With shaking hands, she reached inside her bra and pulled out a stick of gum. I made a face.

"Oh, come on! It's not like I'm growing mold down there. Just eat it. Chew it around real good and get all the vomit off your teeth." Then she did a high-heel hop to start her slow walk down the aisle.

It was good advice however it made my stomach churn. I did as she told me and looked for a place to spit out the gum. Charlie held his hand out. I smiled gratefully and spit it into his palm.

"Thanks, Dad," I said.

He shrugged. "Feel better?"

I nodded. He stuffed the chewed up gum into his pocket and held his elbow out for me. The purge had actually made me feel better. I threaded my arm through Charlie's and gave him a squeeze.

"I love you, Bells," he said.

My heart swelled and I took a deep breath. I feared for the zipper on my dress as I told him that I loved him, too.

The walk down the aisle was like a dream. Details didn't sink in. I couldn't have told you who I made eye contact with or how I reached Edward. All I knew was that a pair of green eyes watered up as they watched me approach. Charlie gave me away, Edward squeezed my hand and it was just the two of us. Repeating vows. Holding hands. Making promises.

After the ceremony, Edward pulled me into an empty room that was dressed up in kids' drawings; presumably, the preschool that was held at the church. He kissed me long and hard, his tongue tangling with my own. His hands found my bottom as he pushed me against the wall.

I broke away from him, our chests meeting with each breath we took. "We're in a church, Edward."

He nipped at my neck. "God doesn't care…we're not fornicating, anymore."

I giggled and pushed his mouth away from my neck. "We have guests that are expecting some kind of reception back at the house."

His hand squeezed my bottom. "Let 'em wait."

After a few more long kisses and some groping through layers of clothes, we piled into Edward's car and headed home. People greeted us with birdseed as we got out of our car and walked into the house.

The meal was casual: Sandwich platters, fruit and veggie trays, and a beautiful cake that Rose and Emmett had bought for us as a wedding gift. Halfway through my meal, I was hit with another wave of nausea and I headed for the bathroom. Nothing came up but I waited; saliva gathered in my mouth as I tried to tell my insides to just keep the shit in, already. My stomach was already sore from the wedding-jitter-puking so…

Wedding jitter puking…the wedding was over and I was still getting sick. I had to be coming down with something. That was just my luck—get sick on your stay-at-home-honeymoon. There was no way that it was anything else but a flu. I eased my mind by thinking back on the day that I'd gotten my last shot in Seattle. It was just after New Year's; I remember because Edward had…

I interrupted my own thoughts as I calculated the months since my last Depo shot. Just after New Year's…

With my stomach doing flips and my head spinning, I gaped at myself in the bathroom mirror. "Oh, no."

* * *

**A/N: Part two will be posted when it's released from 4LLS. I hope you enjoyed it. It's both sad and exciting to mark AMS as complete. As my first fanfic., I can't help but feel that I've grown as an author and I couldn't have done it without all your support.**

**Softragoo-thank you from the bottom of my heart. I adore you and your bubbles. Your friendship is priceless. :-) **

**I know a lot of you hoped to find a cure/explanation for Bella's gift but sometimes, life doesn't give you all the answers. You make what you can of it and you hope to God that you find your way through it to happiness. That's where I wanted Bella and Edward to end up. They didn't have to solve each other's problems-just find peace in each other to get through it. I hope you enjoyed! Part two will be posted shortly!**

**I'm working on an angsty plot and a very OOC/AU vampward plot. Which one would you like to read? **


	37. Epilogue Part Two

**A/N: Here it is, ya'll. Part two in EPOV. Hope you enjoy and let me know what you think, please!**

**My complete, groveling, messy, sore-kneed thanks goes to Soft Ragoo who turns grey skies to blue, caterpillars into butterflies and dog shit into diamonds. Oh, and she pre-reads for me. :-)**

**Disclaimer: All characters are owned by the amazing Stephanie Meyer who allows us to play with them on a daily basis. **

**Epilogue Part II-EPOV **

If this makes me sound like a pansy, so be it: Our wedding was beautiful. Spectacular. Perfect.

To see Bella walk toward me, down that seemingly endless aisle and surrounded by white lilies and red roses—it took my breath away. I couldn't believe that I started to tear up like a pathetic wimp.

_How could I not?_

Her curled brown hair was hidden by a thin white veil that sat perfectly on top of her head, her big brown eyes were spilling over with shiny tears, and she had that perfect bottom lip snagged between her teeth as she approached me. As much as Charlie and I respected each other, I still caught the glint of warning in his eyes when he handed her over to me. "Take care of her," his eyes said, "because she is precious to me."

As we said our vows, our promises, to each other in front of the twenty five people we had invited to the small church wedding, I must have been glowing. My eyes burned from unshed tears and my cheeks ached from the constant grin on my face. What in the hell was this girl—this beautiful, perfect girl—doing in this white dress, saying these things to me? _To me?_

Does every groom have that same thought in those vital moments where you're making promises to protect and obey and punch through every bad spot in your future together, as one unit? Did every groom have those "Does she really know what she's getting herself into" moments?

As I pulled her to me, and sealed our marriage with a long, deep and satisfying kiss, the questions withered from my mind. There wasn't a need to wonder anymore why she moved halfway across the country for me or why she desired to be near me until she no longer had breath in her lungs. Nothing else mattered but our clasped hands as we strode down the aisle, grinning like fools at our friends and family. We were in this together, no matter what. I hadn't felt that at peace with my life since before I found out that my mom had Schizophrenia.

Speaking of my mom, she looked quite at peace herself this evening as she sat beside me on the porch swing. The same porch swing that I had sat in many times as a child, swinging back and forth so fast that it was amazing the thing was still attached. I had lost the black suit jacket an hour ago and the navy tie around my neck had been loosened by Bella's hands right after the pictures had been taken.

"I'm happy for you, sweetheart," she said, squeezing my knee.

"Thanks, mom," I said with a grin. "When you're ready to leave the center, there's a room waiting for you up—"

"Oh no," she groaned, "I'm not imposing on you and Bella."

"You wouldn't be imposing," I argued. "Bella even said that—"

She shook her head. "When I leave the center, I'll be ready for a place of my own. There's the community near the hospital that is set up for people like me."

I hated how she said "people like me" as if she were contagious.

"That's on the other side of town, though," I told her.

She sighed, annoyed at my prodding. "Have a little faith in your old ma, huh?"

I smirked and kissed her on the cheek.

"You ready to go, Lizzie?" Carlisle asked from the doorway of the house. "You have to be back by 7pm for—"

"I know, I know…group therapy," she grumbled and rose from the swing. It creaked as the weight of her body released the rusting chains from their duty. "Are you going to let me smoke in your precious car?"

Carlisle scowled at her but responded with, "As long as you keep your window down."

My mom smiled and winked at me as I rose from the swing. I gave her a tight hug and for a moment, I forgot where she was going and why. It was just me and my mom, embracing as family. Then I pulled away and looked in her weary, green eyes which spoke volumes of the pain she had lived through. She was the strongest woman I had ever met; Bella came in a close second. How had I been so lucky?

"You take good care of that wife of yours," she said, nudging my ribcage with her elbow, "Cook for her every once and a while and if she does something to piss you off, don't hold it in—talk to her about it."

"I promise," I said.

"I don't expect a visit for at least a week. I know you aren't planning on going on a honeymoon but that doesn't mean you should be doing anything but boinking."

Carlisle choked on something and his face turned red. My mom watched him with an amused smile then turned back to me. "The man is in his fifties and he still gets all fidgety when I bring up sex."

I was getting a little fidgety myself but she paid no attention to me. She walked off the porch and I could hear their conversation as they walked to his SUV that was parked in the grass.

"No one wants to hear their sister talk about…that," Carlisle defended himself. "How would you like it if I talked about my sex life to you?"

She shrugged and smiled at him. "It would be better than listening to all my fellow patients down at the center drone on about how horrible their lives are." She climbed in and before he shut the door, she added, "At least I hope it would be better."

I waved to them as they drove off, thankful that she was able to be here because otherwise, it wouldn't have happened. It had been a promise Bella and I had made to each other on the beach of Miami in front of the house where we were reacquainted with each other. The three people, who were required to be here, had been here to witness our nuptials.

"Hey, what's up with the frowny-face?" Emmett asked from the door way. He held two bottles of beer by the necks between his sausage-like fingers. "You just got hitched! You should be celebrating the fact that you are guaranteed sex for the rest of your life!"

I rolled my eyes as Emmett handed me a beer; sweat dripped from the glass bottle as the unusually warm weather warmed its contents.

"To sex for life," Emmett said holding up his beer.

With a chuckle, I clinked my beer to his and repeated the toast out loud.

"Sex for life? Who gets sex for life?" Jasper chimed in as he stepped onto the porch.

Emmett scoffed and put a hand on Jasper's shoulder. "Not you, my friend."

I helped Jasper out by explaining Emmett's theory on his reasons for celebrating marriage. Everyone knew that Jasper was going to marry Alice, except for Jasper. Growing up in a home with parents who detested each other seemed to do a number on the poor bastard and Alice was paying for it. She seemed okay with it but a girl like Alice doesn't wait forever.

"That's ridiculous," Jasper announced. "Just because you're married, doesn't mean that she's always going to give it up. In fact, I bet it fizzles out after you put that ring on your finger."

Emmett barked out a laugh and said, "If that happens, then you've married the wrong girl. In fact, it gets sooo much better!"

Jasper grimaced. "Don't talk about my sister like that. In my eyes, that woman is still a virgin."

Emmett raised his eyebrows as he studied Jasper. "Dude, the girl is married to me—how in the hell could you see her as virginal?"

Jasper put his fingers in his ears and started reciting The Pledge of Allegiance. Emmett continued to torture Jasper by shouting women's body parts in his face followed by the name of his wife. Across the street, Mrs. Whitter shot us a frightened glance.

I kicked Emmett in the shin. "Stop it, Emmett, or my neighbors are going to think I'm as perverted as you are."

Emmett rubbed his shin. "Shit, Edward, that fucking hurt!"

We both looked at Jasper who had his eyes clenched closed, his fingers still plugged in his ears and he was singing _Enter Sandman_ like a pro. Without hesitation, Emmett and I got up quietly and left Jasper on the porch, wallowing in his own insanity. _Fuck the neighbors_.

"I better go find Rosalie," he told me and slapped me on the shoulder with his large palm. "We're trying to get pregnant."

I raised my brows. "That's great, Em!"

He grinned and wandered off before I could make sure they weren't going to try right now. I wouldn't mind if they made use of one of the guest rooms but not while there were still people here, including Bree and Charlie.

Before I could catch up to him, I overheard a soft crying sound coming from the kitchen. I poked my head in and saw Esme, holding Bella who had her face tucked into the crook of Esme's neck.

"Bella?" Bella jumped at the sound of my voice and pulled away from Esme. Her cheeks were blotchy and wet with tears. "What happened? Are you okay?"

She laughed and rubbed her palms over her face. I wanted to kill whatever it was that made her cry. I wanted to squash every problem and every worry that ran through her head. Seeing her tears and watching her face scrunch up with mental anguish was like letting someone kick me in the chest. Repetitively.

As Bella took deep breaths and tried to regain her composure, I glanced at Esme. She shrugged at me but I could see through it. Esme knew what made Bella cry but she wouldn't be the one telling me.

"Oh, I'm fine, Edward," Bella said, her voice broken. "I'm just emotional, is all."

"What are you so emotional about? Did someone…did Renee say something to you?" My hands turned to fists when I thought about that woman saying something hurtful to Bella on her wedding day. It was bad enough that she was present, even if it meant that Bree could be there as well.

Bella shook her head frantically as Esme handed her a fancy wedding napkin from the table. "No, it's not Renee, I promise."

"Do you want to go outside? We can talk about it?" I asked with my hands on her small shoulders.

She looked at me, considering my offer but declined with a shake of her head and a small smile. "Honestly, I'm fine—I just got caught up in the moment. I'm just really happy, Edward."

I quirked an eyebrow. "You didn't look happy."

Bella shrugged as she looked into my eyes. "What can I say? Estrogen sucks."

"You're sure that you're okay?" I asked, rubbing her arms with my hands.

I could tell by the look in her big brown eyes that she had lied when she answered, "Yes."

Due to my lack of vacation pay at my job, I had only been able to take a couple days off of work for our mini-stay-at-home-honeymoon. The day I went back, I had to pry my lips from Bella's at the front door and I waved as I pulled my car out of the driveway. Watching her wave from the doorway to our home, pride and happiness swelled in my heart. A man holding the leash of a Golden Retriever ran by on his morning jog and I had to stop myself from rolling down my window and telling him, "See that gorgeous girl in the fluffy blue bathrobe and tangled hair standing on that porch? That's my wife."

Nine hours later, I strolled through the door and immediately went in search of Bella. She had called me at work to ask me about directions into a certain part of the city and suggestions for dinner. Over the phone, her voice was different and I had a feeling it was related to the tears in our kitchen just hours after our wedding. On my way home, I had made a deal with myself to resolve the issue that evening no matter what I had to do: Begging, bribing and demanding were the tactics I would use—not necessarily in that order. I figured that mostly I'd be begging but I kept the other two in the back of my mind.

It was unusually quiet. Typically, Bella enjoyed listening to music or the sound of the TV, even if she wasn't in the living room to watch it. She said that a quiet house made her mind wander to worrisome things: Our finances, missing her friends, her lack of employment.

Then it hit me—the reason she had been crying. She was scared. This was entirely new to her: The city, the people, and the environment. She missed the familiarity of the home she grew up in and the people she depended on.

"Of course," I said to myself as I continued searching the house.

Finally, I found her in the upstairs bathroom with the door locked and closed.

"Bella, I'm home!" I yelled through the door. "What are you doing?"

Something fell, making a loud slapping noise against the tile.

"Uh…I'll b-be out in a second," she stuttered. "Could you turn the stove on for me so the water can boil?"

"Sure," I answered.

After I'd turned the burner on for the stove, I sat at the table to wait for Bella. Ten minutes later, just as the water was starting to bubble, she appeared in the kitchen looking exhausted.

"Can we talk?" I asked.

She avoided my eyes and opened up the cupboard. "Yeah, of course—what do you want to talk about?"

"I know why you were upset after our wedding," I told her and she snapped her gaze to me. With a crook of my finger, I asked her to join me at the table and she obliged. "It's obvious what is happening, here."

Her eyes grew wide and her face grew pale. "It is?"

I pressed my lips together and nodded.

"H-how is it obvious?"

I smirked and she narrowed her eyes. "It's okay to be sad, Bella; I expect that you're going to miss Alice and Jasper and Charlie. Just because you're homesick, that doesn't mean that you're not happy with me. I understand that," I told her.

The look on her face told me that I was clueless: Her shoulders slumped and her gaze fell to her feet.

"You're…not homesick?" I asked.

"Well, yeah, I miss my family but…but that's not what…" she trailed off, the words getting caught in her throat.

I waited for her to continue but she found her feet more captivating than our conversation at the moment.

"You know that I'm not the kind of person who likes to push, Bella, but it's killing me that you're upset about something and I don't know what it is," I said. "Did I do something?"

She let out a humorless chuckle and exhaled. "Well, kinda-sorta-not-really," she replied.

"That is no help, whatsoever."

When she looked up at me, her eyes nearly broke me. They were shiny with tears and pleading with me for a reprieve. My eyes pleaded right on back for honesty and conversation.

"Can...can I show you?" she asked.

I shrugged and held my hand out, palms up. "Show me, give me a hint, write it with cooked spaghetti across the table for God's sake—just let me in, Bella!"

The corner of her mouth twitched. The cooked spaghetti request was a little far fetched but I was desperate. I would have settled for a decoder ring at that point, which would have made me feel pretty fucking pathetic.

She stood from the table and held out her hand. I took it anxiously in mine and she pulled me to my feet with little effort. Her hand trembled in mine as she led me down the hall and toward the bathroom where I had found her when I arrived home from work. Suddenly, in the doorway, she stiffened and I nearly pummeled into her from behind. With her body filled with tension and her hand squirreling to get out of mine, fear ran through me.

"Please let go," she mumbled over her shoulder.

I squeezed my hand into hers, trying to form an inseparable human chain. Finally, I'd got her to talk to me and I wasn't going to let her go.

"Bella, you have to—"

With strength I didn't know she had, she pulled her hand free from mine. Sweat on my palm had left it feeling cold and empty as she hurried into the bathroom and slammed the door in my face. Something crashed in the bathroom and I wasn't sure if she mentally or physically caused the calamity. It didn't matter.

I opened my mouth, prepared to bribe or even threaten, but I was interrupted by the sound of Bella retching. It was a God-awful sound that made my own empty stomach lurch with nausea.

"Oh God," I said to myself.

Bella was obviously sick. How sick? And why did she feel the need to keep it from me? One answer sprang to my mind which made my knees so weak that they collapsed from under me. The wall behind me caught my weight and I shifted slowly to the floor.

She was dying.

My mind wandered to that day in Jacksonville, catching the glimpse of Bree in that hospital bed with all those tubes hanging out of her; the paleness of her skin and the protrusion of bones sticking out all over her frail little body. I couldn't lose Bella and there was nothing I wouldn't do to keep her in my life.

"Oh God," I repeated, wondering if the being I was speaking to would laugh in my face if I started praying now, after all these years of ignoring Him.

The sound of running water broke me from my thoughts. In that moment between praying and Bella opening the door, I regretted for the first time that we hadn't taken the money; if we signed those contracts and taken that money, we wouldn't have to worry about insurance coverage or hospital bills.

The lock clicked and the door squealed open slowly as the sight of Bella filled my vision. I didn't realize until now how exhausted she looked and I mentally cursed myself for not paying closer attention. She had been so tired and now the vomiting.

She furrowed her brows at my position on the floor but instead of using words, she plopped down next to me on the hardwood floor of our hallway. I opened my mouth to speak but nothing would come out; the dryness in my mouth and throat was almost suffocating.

"So…I take it that you figured it out," she mumbled.

I looked over at her and frowned at the bags under her eyes and the paleness of her face. "Have you been to a doctor?"

She swallowed and started wringing her hands together on her lap. "Today…I went to a doctor today. When I called you for directions, it wasn't for a job."

My head fell back against the wall with an audible thump. "Do they…what did they say?"

"Two months along," she said, avoiding my eyes.

My stomach heaved without warning and I headed for the bathroom. I barely made it to the toilet before I gagged, saliva dripping from my mouth. Unfortunately, Bella was right on my heels and witnessed how unmanly I could be in stressful situations. Dry heaving in front of the woman you love is never enjoyable—unless you're in a Fraternity and then it's considered heroic.

"Edward," she said in a broken voice, "I'm so sorry."

Why was she apologizing? "Why are you apologizing?"

She sobbed into her palms and I was too much of a fucking weenie to hold her. My gut was clenched tight in a fist, the acid from my stomach burning my throat. Vomiting all over your wife, especially your dying wife, would not be good.

"I didn't mean it…I didn't do it on purpose," she cried.

Okay, now I was confused. "I'm confused."

She stopped sobbing and took her hands away from her face. "How are you…what do _you_ think is going on?"

I screwed my face up in agony, just thinking of saying the words out loud. When I didn't respond, she stuck her thumbnail in her mouth and proceeded to gnaw on it.

"Bella, you're killing me here; just tell me—"

Then I saw it, sitting on the bathroom vanity in plain view. When she saw that I had noticed it, she started pacing which wasn't a grand gesture in a bathroom three feet wide.

Stupid question number one: "Bella, what is that?"

Which brought on stupid question number two: "What do you think it is?"

While I was glad that I wasn't the only one posing stupid questions, it did frustrate the fuck out of me. However, to keep on track, I asked stupid question number three: "You're…you're not dying?"

Her eyes bugged out of her head and she halted the fingernail chewing. "You thought I was…" her face screwed up into a mixture of pain and worry, "…dying?"

I gasped out a breath. "Yes, but you aren't, right?"

She glanced at the stick on the vanity and then her eyes returned to mine. "Not unless you strangle me because of this."

With force that I couldn't control, I barked out a laugh and she jumped. The cup on the sink that held our toothbrushes flew a couple feet and hit the wall. The second time I barked out a laugh, she had prepared herself. Then I was laughing so fucking hard that my stomach muscles twisted into themselves. When I looked up at Bella, she wasn't laughing.

"Oh shit," I said, rubbing my palms over my face. I decided that my little prayer in the hallway had worked so I threw in a "Thank you, God" as she stared at me with concerned brown eyes.

"You do realize that I'm…I'm…" she stuttered.

My eyes flew to the stick. "You're pregnant, right?"

She nodded slowly and stiffened, bracing herself for…I wasn't entirely sure what she was bracing herself for. Then, the realization of what she was saying, hit me: She was pregnant.

"You're sure?" That would be categorized as stupid question number four.

She nodded again and squeaked out another apology.

I stared at the white tile on our bathroom floor and thought about this revelation. Ten minutes ago I had been positive that Bella was fighting for her life when in reality, she was carrying my child. My stomach clenched again and I gagged into the porcelain toilet in front of me, my face turning red from embarrassment and shame: I had the same reaction to both sets of news.

"I have to go check to see if the water is boiling," she mumbled, then walked out of the bathroom like a zombie.

I should have gotten up and went after her. The powerful side of me was poking my limp body with a hot poker and screaming obscenities at the weak, shocked man on the bathroom floor. With my eyes squeezed shut, I let my head rest on the edge of the cold bathtub behind me. My mind struggled to wrap around the fact that I was going to be someone's father but more so the realization that my genes would be passed down to this helpless child.

_Pregnant._

Flashes of memories cluttered through my brain: My mother crying in a heap on the kitchen floor when I was fifteen because it wouldn't stop raining long enough for her to plant her Petunias, screaming at my Dad because he was an hour late, laughing at nothing in particular and then cursing all in the same breath. I remembered the way she used to talk, non-stop, as she made dinner every night. When I was eight, I thought she was talking to herself and I found it amusing but as I aged, I was introduced to one of her hallucinations who also happened to be a fantastic chef.

_Pregnant. Baby. Pregnant._

Then I remembered the fierce hugs she would give me every day when I got home from school. There was never a time that I felt unloved; never a time that I wished for a different mother. It wasn't easy but there were no regrets in that department. Throughout her entire life, she had never let Schizophrenia take over—as a mother—until she attempted to take her own life just short of two years ago.

_Bella. Pregnant._

As the mental slideshow slipped into the present and toward the future, I thought of my wife: The slow expansion of her tummy as my child grew within her. I imagined her holding a baby with dark brown hair to her breast and smiling at me as she filled his belly with life; Bella, learning to sew little pink dresses with Esme at her side to coach her; my beautiful wife chasing a toddler down the hall covered from head to toe in multicolored finger paint.

_Suddenly, one just wasn't enough._

I hopped up with newfound strength—stopping only to rinse my mouth quickly with mouthwash—and stomped into the kitchen. She turned around, spoon in hand, to face me when she heard my feet on the floor behind her. I opened my mouth to speak but she raised the spoon in the air as if she were prepared to brain me with it.

"Before you say anything, just let me tell you that I didn't plan this. I forgot to make my appointment to get my birth control shot a few months ago and I'm…I'm so sorry." I opened my mouth but she shook the spoon in her hand. "I know that you…we didn't want children so I know that you're probably upset about this. It took a lot for me tell you because I don't want you to be angry with me and…and I'm scared that…"

I cocked my head as I looked at her. "What are you scared of, sweetheart?"

Her face pinched tight in thought as she chewed on her lip, considering her answer. A tear fell from her dark lashes and traveled down her cheek and under her chin. I wanted to hold her and kiss her and tell her that she had nothing to worry about.

"I'm scared that you won't love the baby because….because you won't want it."

Hormones _really_ do a number on a woman.

"Are you going to whack me in the head with that spoon if I get close to you?" I asked.

She looked up at the spoon in her hand as if she had forgotten it was there then she quickly set it on the stove.

"No, of course not," she mumbled.

I walked up to her, brushing the trail of tears off her cheeks with my thumbs. "How could you think that I wouldn't love this baby more than my own life? How could you think that I would be angry with you about this?" My own voice broke with unexpected emotions.

"I was just so scared," she sobbed.

I pulled her to me and embraced her, feeling her body tremble against my own sent a shockwave of distaste through my veins. In a silent vow to myself, I promised that I'd never be the one to cause her to shake like this—at least while not in the throes of passion. In fact, I promised myself that I'd do everything in my power to keep anything from making her feel this uncertain or powerless as long as my heart beat in my chest.

"You have nothing to be sorry about," I whispered in her ear. Spaghetti sauce bubbled on the stove behind me and I was sure that the spaghetti had welded itself into one big chunk of pasta. I pulled away from her to look into her eyes, and smiled. "We're going to have a baby."

She let out a mixture of sob and relieved sigh. "You're not mad?"

"Mad?" I asked, wiping the tears from her eyes again with my thumbs. "I'm incredibly fortunate and ecstatic."

"But you didn't want—"

"I know what I said but believe me when I say this now: I couldn't be happier."

* * *

"This says that he's as long as a carrot," I announced and compressed the urge to grab a carrot out of the fridge and hold it up to Bella's growing belly.

"How much does she weigh?" she asked, looking around the book she was reading. The morning sickness had passed after the fourth month and she told me that she felt better than she normally did, even before the pregnancy. Of course, when she was vomiting, I'd get the accusation look that consisted of narrowed eyes and pursed lips; but now that she was feeling great, I received zero credit. None of those look-what-you-did-to-me scowls when she was keeping food down and her energy level picked up.

"This says that he doesn't even weigh a pound, yet."

We decided to not find out the sex, even though—at 21 weeks—we weren't yet far enough along for the ultrasound to pick it up. So, I had taken to saying "he" and Bella called the baby a "she". It wasn't by preference, because neither of us cared as long as he was healthy but it was better than saying "it".

She smiled and placed a hand on her belly. "Ooh! She kicked! Come here!"

I stood so fast, the office chair I had been sitting on tipped over with a loud crash. Bella laughed as I made my way to the floor beside the couch where she was sitting, and replaced her palm with mine. She laid her hand on top of mine and pressed it into her belly. I felt nothing.

She frowned and said, "She stopped."

Bella had been feeling the little internal nudges for a few weeks but every time I made an attempt to connect, the baby would stop moving. I let out an exasperated sigh but didn't move my hand.

"You calm her down," she told me, running her fingers through my hair and over my scalp. "She knows you're here and it makes her feel safe—just like it does for me."

I grinned at her, soaking up the love that I felt coming from her as she looked at me. Typically, Bella was beautiful and she took my breath away but as a pregnant woman, she was something from a fairy tale: Her eyes glistened, her cheeks glowed and her body changed as our child flourished within her.

"Did you talk to Charlie today?" I asked.

"Yeah, he's coming in a few months for a visit," she said with a grin. "He wants to see me all blown up and looking like a whale."

"I bet he didn't say it like that—he probably wants to have a memory of you while you're pregnant."

"Yeah, well, I'm going to be grouchy and bloated," she grumbled.

I smiled at her from the floor as my hand traveled under the hem of her shirt and along the tight skin of her belly. She let her head fall back and she moaned at the feel of my hand on her skin.

"You could gain five hundred pounds and still be beautiful," I told her.

She laughed and said, "I'm going to hold you to that."

I leaned over her, and pressed my lips to her forehead, then her nose and finally onto her lips. The kiss started out gentle, and was meant to be reassuring but it grew quickly into a frantic grind of tongue and teeth. My hand went north in her shirt, finding the soft flesh of Bella's growing breasts.

"Oh Edward…please…" she begged against my lips.

Pulling my lips from hers, I stood and scooped her up in my arms. She didn't protest but instead, wrapped her arms around my neck to pull herself closer to me. I carried her to the bedroom, my dick growing painfully hard against the zipper of my jeans.

Until recently, Bella had been too exhausted and sick to make love and even though we were getting back into the groove, my body still craved her touch as if we were living thousands of miles apart, again. The way she caressed my scalp with her fingertips; the way she moved her mouth over the skin of my neck; the strong grip of her hands as she pulled my shirt over my head sent my body into excited shudders. I worried each time that I wouldn't satisfy her because my own body was on sensory overload.

We stripped the clothing off of each other in a slow, tormenting manner and she pushed me gently onto the mattress. I laid on my back, watching her climb over me, her smile so sexy that it should have been illegal. I groaned as she sunk down, my hard cock twitching as it entered her slick, wet channel. With my hands on her hips, I stilled her for a few moments so that I could last for her. She shot me a knowing grin as her hands roamed through the hair on my chest.

Then she started moving and it was pure ecstasy; not just the feeling but the vision of her rocking on top of me. Her head fell back and her breast pointed out, hard and erect as the muscles in her thighs clenched and unclenched. I looked down to find one of my hands had wandered to her stomach, where our baby grew underneath the layers of muscle and skin. For a moment, it felt odd to make love as my hand stroked so close to our unborn child but then she came. The muscles surrounding my cock exploded into a spasm, milking me which made it too hard to keep from filling her with my own orgasm.

"Fuck, Bella," I grounded out through clenched teeth.

She opened her eyes and looked down at me. "I love you, Edward."

With our chests gasping for breath and our eyes glazed over from post-coital satisfaction, she climbed off me and lay down on her back, beside me. I turned on my side and subconsciously let my hand rest on her lower abdomen.

Ever since she had told me she was pregnant, overprotective caveman-like tendencies sprung up from within me. I'd never club her over the head and drag her to our bedroom by her hair but I found myself grunting more and swearing to kill any motherfucker who even looked at her wrong. We had gone out to dinner the week before and I almost pummeled our waiter for glancing at her chest. Bella found it slightly amusing but I had never been prone to violence so it was concerning for me. How would I react if some old fart gave my child a nasty gaze if he wouldn't stop fussing in public? I feared ending up in jail for assaulting someone with a Golden Buckeye Card.

"Do you think she'll inherit my ability?" she asked, softly.

I kissed her cheek and sighed, "If he does, we'll be the perfect parents for him. You'll know exactly how he feels and you'll be able to teach him some control before he reaches an age where it will matter to him."

"You don't worry about it?"

I shook my head and mumbled, "I worry more about _my_ genes getting passed down."

Bella ran her fingers through my hair and smiled at me. "This baby will be perfect, no matter what, okay?"

"I just can't comprehend watching a child go through what my mom has gone through her entire life," I told her. "It's a struggle for her just to have a normal conversation sometimes."

"She has some pretty amazing people helping her fight and she's doing really well, now. If our little guy…or girl is born with Schizophrenia, we'll know what to look for and we'll help them through it." Her smile grew and she ran a fingertip along my jaw line and added, "I hope he's as pretty as his daddy."

I snorted. "Pretty? Guys aren't pretty! How could you—"

Something nudged against my hand and I froze.

"Did you feel that?" she asked, looking down at my hand that was resting on her abdomen. "Oh! There she goes again!"

"I felt it!"

A slow smile spread across my face as I felt the tiny little pushes and kicks against the palm of my hand. In that instant, it hit me: Nothing would keep me from loving this little person. That's all that mattered.

* * *

"I really want to go to sleep," Bella whispered through cracked, dry lips. "Are they done yet?"

Apparently, Morphine and an Epidural made Bella _very_ sleepy. It didn't help that her water broke just as we were going to bed at one in the morning. It was now five and, the OBGYN had just arrived for the Cesarean. The little nugget in Bella's belly was stubborn, and had decided to stay head up so we had scheduled a C-section for the following week. The baby had other plans however, arriving five days before he was due.

"Hey guys," Doctor Phillips said underneath a surgical mask, "looks like the little stinker has bad timing _and_ bad direction."

I laughed but Bella had started to snore. With a nudge to her shoulder, her eyes flapped open wide and she blinked a few times.

"Did I miss it? Is she here?"

"No, sweetheart, but Doctor Phillips is here so it's going to be soon."

And soon it was: Nine minutes later—at twelve after five in the morning—Charlotte Elizabeth Masen was born into the world. She was protesting wildly and kicking her legs as if she were hoping to connect with something to show her disgruntlement toward the harsh cold air of the delivery room.

After they had done the APGAR twice, they handed her to me and I held her out for Bella to see with shaking hands.

"Oh, my God!" Bella said, sleepily, "She's perfect!"

I looked down at the red, shriveled face that looked similar to a newborn piglet and I cried, shamelessly.

"Yeah, she really is."

* * *

"Charlotte Elizabeth Masen! Get down here, now!" Bella had grown a serious set of pipes since Charlotte had reached the age of thirteen. The sound of her summon made me jerk with fright every time, even though it wasn't my own name being called.

Bella stood in the hallway to my childhood home, looking up the stairs for signs of life. There were none. Our daughter was no fool—she knew when she was in trouble so she was pacing in her room, reaching into her brain for excuses.

"What is it?" I called out from behind my desk.

Bella focused her narrowed eyes on me and her features softened minutely. "Look what I found in her jeans pocket!"

She held out a crumpled up pack of cigarettes and scowled at me.

With a similar expression formed on my face, I stood next to Bella and screamed Charlotte's name again. I could picture her—pacing the floor of her room—as she chewed on her fingernails, panicking. Her long, curly rust colored head of hair pulled tightly on top of her head and her brown eyes wide with fear. Bella didn't get angry often, but when she did, there would be consequences.

Bella called her name again and I shrunk a little beside her. The woman was the perfect mother—loving and stern but she also allowed Char to have her own mind. I still wondered, to this day, how I had gotten so lucky.

Charlotte hadn't experienced any symptoms of Schizophrenia but she was still young. We had looked into genetic testing, but after reading through the process we decided that it might be painful for both her and my mom. We didn't want her thinking that we looked down upon her for being stricken with the disease. My mom had been doing so well for the past five years: No relapses and living in a community with some much needed Psychiatric support. She enjoyed telling our daughter about the days of her father, hiding store-bought eggs in the limbs of their trees and also, stories about the Grandfather that she would never get a chance to meet. It made me feel good to know that Char could get to know him through the one person who knew him best.

Stomping on the hallway floor caused Bella to glance my way. "What should we do?"

My mouth fell open and closed then fell open again. "Ground her?"

She made a face. "Will that work?"

I let my shoulders fall a little. "I thought you had a plan since you called for her."

An oopsie expression quickly took over her face. The stomps were getting closer and we were running out of strategy time. "Uh…how about we…just uh…"

"Talk to her?"

She shrugged. "Sounds good but use your awesome fib-finder to make sure she's telling the truth."

I smiled at her. "Don't I always?"

Charlotte stomped down the stairs and stopped short when she saw the looks on our faces; then her gaze dropped to her mother's hand.

"Oh…no…" she stuttered.

Bella nodded and raised her eyebrows. "So?"

Charlotte bit her lip and I suppressed a grin because she looked so much like Bella when she did that. I cleared my throat and tried to focus on the task at hand.

"Uh…I'm holding them for someone."

Bella put a hand on her hip and I snuck a glance at her ass.

"Who?"

Char scratched the back of her neck and shifted her weight from foot to foot. "I don't know…one of my friends at school."

I narrowed my eyes at her and studied her for a moment. "You're fibbing, Charlotte."

Her mouth dropped open. "How do you know?"

With a quirked eyebrow, I explained, "That's a lame excuse and you must think I'm an idiot if I'm going to divulge my fib-finding secrets to you."

She frowned at her shoes and her shoulders slumped. "Okay, I was just…trying it out. You know, experimenting with it."

Bella sighed. "Did you like it?"

"No, it sucked and I won't ever do it again."

I prayed that she'd say the same thing after her first date in a couple of years.

"Fib-finder says that she's telling the truth," I said, grinning.

Char rolled her eyes. "You are so un-cool, Dad."

"I'm throwing these out," Bella grumbled. "And you're grounded for two months."

As soon as the words left Bella's mouth, I felt myself hunkering toward the ground. Bella grabbed my hand, and searched the room for the impending catastrophe. Ironically, it was the framed photo of our wedding day that Charlotte's brain chose to take its anger out on. The picture flew from the wall and I closed my eyes, listening for the crash of glass. Nothing happened.

I opened them to see the picture floating peacefully toward Charlotte who grabbed it out of thin air with an apologetic look on her face. Bella had saved it. The two of them made me feel so ordinary sometimes but they were quite the pair. If anything, they were entertaining.

"Sorry, I lost it," she said, looking at the picture.

Bella released my hand and walked to her, grabbing her up into a strong hug.

"This is your home, Char, so don't apologize. You have a right to be angry about things and in time, you'll learn more control," she murmured.

"What if I don't?" she asked into Bella's shoulder, and sparing me a watery glance. I smiled reassuringly at her, even though the real encouragement came from the woman who held her, fiercely, in her arms. "I may not grow up to find someone like you found Dad; what if I grow up and I'm some freak?"

Bella released her and smiled at her. "You are going to be extraordinary—with or without a man like your Dad."

Char grinned through some tears and handed the picture to her mom.

"You're still grounded," I announced from behind them.

Charlotte frowned and stomped up the steps.

Bella wrapped her arms around me and sighed into my chest.

"I remember thinking the same thing when I was her age," she murmured. "I thought I was going to end up as some circus freak."

I kissed the top of her head and pulled her tightly to me.

"And look at you now, Bella. Look at you, now."

**A/N: I'm working on my next one...I'm 17 chapters in and I (hopefully) will be posting the first one soon. Here's the summary:**

**Consign Me Not to Darkness~**

**Bella has just escaped from the grasp of a torturous relationship and she finds herself in the slums of Chicago. She's a shadow of who she used to be and has the anxiety to go with it. With some help from some unsuspecting neighbors and a gracious shop owner, she starts to turn her life around toward hope but her past isn't far behind her. It's a story of finding hope in the most unlikely places and learning to grow from the most horrible of experiences. **

**I hope to see you guys there! Thanks for being the most amazing readers in the whole freaking fandom. Big hugs. Virtual smooches. And a nice slap to each of your asses for just being absolutely fabulous. :-)**


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